UPLB Ch 23
by soapaJust as I thought Yang Juwon was a decent person, anyone with good taste would have seen his true worth.
I get it, I understand it in my head.
“No way.”
Yang Juwon shouldn’t have done that. A strange sense of betrayal washed over me. I felt betrayed by Yang Juwon.
He acted like he’d accept everything, but thinking about him being just as kind and attentive to someone else made my head spin.
“Why did you keep quiet about it all this time? Why tell me today of all days?”
Yang Juwon’s eyes widened. Choi Sungbin grabbed a pillow and threw it at him like he was shoving it in his face.
“What am I supposed to say to that? Oh, sunbae, you had a girlfriend. I was dumb and thought you were inexperienced all this time. Is that what I should say? Then you should’ve told me sooner. Why do I have to hear this after bringing you to my place, after having sex?”
It wasn’t that he lacked tact—he clearly didn’t even think to consider it. Look at me. Why today of all days? Why do I have to hear from Yang Juwon’s mouth that he practically lived with someone? Today.
“You filthy jerk.”
“What?”
“When you lived alone, you must’ve gone back and forth to each other’s places. Any time. Whenever you felt like it. Whenever your schedules and eyes met.”
Yang Juwon sighed, and Choi Sungbin felt even worse.
Bringing him to this house meant a lot to me. I never brought the women I spent nights with, not even the ones I kept as friends for a long time, to my place.
Among the people I knew personally, Yang Juwon was the first to set foot in this house.
But here I was, in this space, hearing that Yang Juwon lived alone with his ex-girlfriend and constantly visited each other’s places.
I don’t know why I assumed Yang Juwon would naturally be inexperienced. I didn’t want to imagine it, but I kept doing it. Thinking of Yang Juwon acting sweet to someone else, not me, made me want to puke.
Ugh, I barely calmed the rising nausea. All sorts of negative emotions wrapped around me. I thought Yang Juwon was my first, of course.
Maybe I wanted it to be that way. He was the first person I gave my heart to, the first I dated. Maybe I wanted Yang Juwon to feel the same.
But Yang Juwon wasn’t my first, and Choi Sungbin let out a shaky breath.
“You filthy jerk, really…”
Choi Sungbin collapsed onto the bed. Filthy jerk. Acting all pure after rolling around with others, thinking someone would fall for that? Worn out and pretending to be innocent was disgusting.
Toying with people’s feelings and now…
It was my first time, damn it.
“Choi Sungbin.”
Yang Juwon touched his shoulder. Choi Sungbin shot him a glare faster than ever.
“Don’t touch me.”
Snapping at him, Yang Juwon quickly pulled his hand back. Choi Sungbin buried his head in the bed. That jerk probably calmed his girlfriend just as calmly when she acted like this. Damn jerk. Filthy jerk.
There was a rustling sound outside. The bingsu and melon had arrived earlier, but Choi Sungbin ignored it. Yang Juwon, who went to get the delivery, was organizing the food.
Choi Sungbin lay face-down on the bed, passing time. He always grumbled about Yang Juwon, but he’d never chewed him out like this.
Filthy jerk. Traitor. Acting like I was the only one.
He hadn’t even gone outside, but the sound of Yang Juwon shuffling around annoyed him. He wanted to yell at him to go home, but seeing Yang Juwon’s state, he held back, afraid he’d actually leave.
Choi Sungbin gripped the blanket tightly. He’d been lying on the bed for nearly twenty minutes without moving, and instead of checking on him, Yang Juwon was fussing over the bingsu melting.
The rustling finally stopped. Thud. The fridge door closed. Choi Sungbin shut his eyes tightly.
Was his tidiness from cleaning his girlfriend’s place? Why would anyone date such a dull guy?
Damn it, who confessed? Why did they break up? Yang Juwon was decent enough to not break up with. Did he end it?
That might be better. He said he liked me for a long time. Did he date her in the meantime? Then his feelings might not even be genuine…
“Sungbin-ah.”
His spiraling thoughts stopped. Choi Sungbin cleared his mind and stayed still. Acting sweet, huh? He usually called me Choi Sungbin, all stiff and formal. Is this his way of soothing? Who taught him? His ex-girlfriend?
He didn’t turn his head. Still face-down on the bed, he focused all his senses on the man.
Footsteps approached, and soon one side of the bed sank heavily.
A hand wrapped around his shoulder, and Choi Sungbin couldn’t help but turn to face him. Glaring with all his might, as if he’d been waiting.
“What are you looking at, you filthy jerk?”
Choi Sungbin spat out the words he’d been holding in.
Yang Juwon held a small plastic container with neatly cut melon inside. Even now, he’s worried about eating melon?
God, so annoying.
“Get up.”
“Why should I?”
“Hurry.”
Choi Sungbin finally leaned against the headboard. Arms crossed, he stared at the man. Seeing his slightly messy hair brushed back, he let out another sigh.
Did he seduce her with his face? No. Maybe his personality. It was hard to imagine Yang Juwon dating anyone.
From the start, he was alone, by my side, naturally.
“Ugh, do it.”
It didn’t seem like Yang Juwon brought the melon for himself. He picked up a piece with a star-shaped fruit pick and brought it to my mouth.
I didn’t want to eat, but Choi Sungbin obediently opened his mouth. The sweet, cold melon slipped between his lips. It melted without chewing. Choi Sungbin munched, moving his jaw.
Yang Juwon fed him two more pieces.
“Are you really upset?”
“Why should I be happy?”
“I was wondering if you hated that I had a girlfriend.”
Round two began. Choi Sungbin poured out his words, as if waiting.
“Why did you tell me that? Did you think it was okay to say while my face was buried between your legs?”
“…”
“Does it work like that for you? One night and it’s done? Like clearing a quest? Why am I treated like that…”
Yang Juwon shoved another melon piece in. Choi Sungbin puffed his cheeks, chewing.
Anger started bubbling up again. Did he do this for his girlfriend too? Fussing over her when she seemed upset, taking care of her?
Come to think of it, he never complained much about my behavior. He quietly handled chores even if I didn’t help. He didn’t nag about cleaning up after meals or push me to spend money. He never hinted, while I was busy taking advantage.
Everything I took for granted came back like arrows.
“Did you do this for your girlfriend too?”
“…What?”
“Did you soothe her like this when she was upset?”
“I never did this.”
“Don’t lie.”
“…See? You won’t believe me.”
He did it. He totally did. Choi Sungbin bit his lips hard. This tactless jerk. Even when pressed, Yang Juwon kept denying it.
Doesn’t he get it? Didn’t his girlfriend teach him?
Choi Sungbin chewed the melon, glaring sulkily. Yang Juwon dated? It was unbelievable.
With those clueless eyes? A girlfriend?
What girl would like such a tactless, oblivious guy?
Yang Juwon, oblivious to my rotting insides, picked another melon piece and held it out. Choi Sungbin opened his mouth obediently.
“How did you date?”
He asked as casually as possible. What could he do if Yang Juwon dated? He couldn’t chase down the past and undo it.
By the way, the melon was too sweet.
“Well, like everyone else? Nothing special.”
He tried to sound cool, but his voice came out pathetically shaky. He’d never sounded so pitiful in his life.
Yang Juwon popped another melon piece in. Is he trying to shut me up? Acting like a complete fool, yet somehow controlling me.
As if this stupid melon could shut me up.
“Yeah, just normal stuff. Eating, dating…”
“You don’t even date me.”
“Just… normal stuff.”
Normal, normal, normal!
Choi Sungbin wanted to cry. Thinking of Yang Juwon with some faceless girl made his stomach churn. What’s a normal relationship? Eating and rolling around in a studio, screwing? Is that normal?
He felt awful. Just lie, even. I’d rather see him lie, whether I nag or not. But he didn’t seem like he would.
Choi Sungbin dodged the approaching melon.
“I’m not eating.”
Yang Juwon smacked his lips. So it was to shut me up. Choi Sungbin held out his hand.
“Show me a picture. Your girlfriend.”
Yang Juwon shook his head quickly. It was the first time he looked flustered today. Why’s he reacting like that?
Choi Sungbin widened his eyes, then wrinkled his nose. How much does he want to hide it to react like that?
“Why won’t you show me?”
He snapped venomously.
“It’s been a while since we broke up. I don’t have photos.”
“But you’re acting weird. Why? Can’t I see? You have KakaoTalk, right?”
“I don’t.”
“You do.”
“I don’t.”
“You’re hiding it?”
“I really don’t have it.”
“You do. Where’s your phone?”
Unable to hold back, he got up. Eyes blazing, he searched for the phone. I need to see that junk phone with my own eyes. I need to know what she looks like.
It wasn’t about her looks—it was about confirming. Who Yang Juwon dated.
Given his personality, he wouldn’t delete her number after a breakup. It’s probably sleeping in that old junk.
As I roamed the room, Yang Juwon got up too.
See? He has it.
Choi Sungbin sharpened his gaze. The phone was in the living room, plugged into the charger. It felt burning hot. Yang Juwon, following, flailed and reached out.
Look at that reaction. There’s something.
Choi Sungbin quickly pressed the power button.
“Damn it.”
The phone was dead. Just like its owner, it didn’t listen. Damn jerk. He pressed the power button a few more times. At first, the boot screen appeared, but soon even that didn’t show.
His frowning face reflected in the dead screen. Glancing at Yang Juwon, he shook his head quickly.
“Why’s your phone broken?”
“It’s been like that.”
“You call this a phone?”
Choi Sungbin swallowed his anger. It’d arrive tomorrow since he ordered it, but not being able to check now sucked. Knowing the phone was dead, he pressed the power button a few more times. Same result. The phone was just broken.
“This is so damn annoying…”
Finally throwing the phone onto the sofa, Choi Sungbin collapsed onto it in frustration. Yang Juwon’s voice poured over his back.
“Not eating more melon?”
“You eat it.”
“…Why are you so mad? Dating’s something people do, right? I don’t get why you’re angry about it.”
“…”
Choi Sungbin, face-down, turned his head. He met eyes that genuinely didn’t understand.
Why don’t you get it? Why can’t you figure it out? Notice it. Choi Sungbin glared resentfully, then closed his eyes.
“Does it really make you that mad that I had a girlfriend?”
“…”
“But didn’t you date a lot too? You even suggested a threesome before. Even while dating me, you went out with others…”
Yang Juwon probably wanted to say “slept with.”
Choi Sungbin sat up. The heat in his body drained, leaving him deflated.
He had plenty of reasons to be mad. Why tell me about the girlfriend today? Of all days, why today?
But his mouth wouldn’t move. The man was right. He had no right to be mad. I’m this pissed about Yang Juwon dating long ago, but how did he put up with me all this time?
“So I don’t get it. You did all that too, so why are you only mad at me? I only dated one person.”
Would I be less mad if he dated more? Or if I knew from the start? He clamped his mouth shut, which had been firing arrows.
His breath caught again. That’s right. That happened. Even with Yang Juwon, I slept with another girl, even suggested a threesome for fun.
I was the filthy one all along. Compared to that, Yang Juwon just had a normal relationship.
He probably remembers everything. Endured it all. What if he gets tired and leaves one day? Says he wants to date a girl again and goes?
A heavy rock crushed his body. It was like their relationship was twisted from the start, never meant to be normal.
Choi Sungbin sat still, eyes wide. He forgot to breathe for a moment.
“Choi Sungbin?”
I didn’t deserve to be mad about Yang Juwon having a girlfriend, giving affection to someone else.
The rustling of the blanket was louder than usual. Yang Juwon shifted. His mind woke first, and he slowly opened his eyes.
Right. I came to Choi Sungbin’s place yesterday.
He realized belatedly that he was at Choi Sungbin’s house.
So much happened the day before, he’d fallen asleep in a daze. His body and mind were exhausted.
How did I fall asleep? Choi Sungbin, yelling and raging, eventually went to bed with a tired face, and I followed, sleeping beside him. Maybe I shouldn’t have mentioned dating.
I was just curious, but all I got was being called filthy, and the mood turned sour. Should I have kept quiet? Or let him think it was my first?
Still, I don’t get why I’m being called filthy. When he’s the one who… Never mind.
Choi Sungbin was still hard to figure out. I know he’s only with me now, but he yells and gets mad, then suddenly acts sweet, making his emotions hard to read.
It’s tough. I know he’s like that, but still.
“…”
Lying on his back, staring at the ceiling, Yang Juwon turned to his side. Huh… Choi Sungbin, who should’ve been there, was gone, replaced by cold air.
Rustling, he got up. The blackout curtains made it hard to tell the time, but the living room, connected by a glass sliding door, was bathed in dawn’s dim light.
Yang Juwon stepped out of bed and approached it. He grabbed the sliding door and paused.
Choi Sungbin was on the sofa. Lost in thought, he didn’t notice Yang Juwon.
He watched Choi Sungbin chew his nails. He was doing that earlier too. It wasn’t a habit, so it seemed odd.
Yang Juwon finally made a sound.
“Choi Sungbin.”
Approaching, Choi Sungbin looked up. He hid the hand he was biting in a fist. Yang Juwon glanced out the window, then at the wall clock. It was nearly 7 a.m. They slept past 3 a.m., so it wasn’t much sleep, but it was a decent time to wake up since he had to go to school.
Unlike his studio, Choi Sungbin’s place was far from school. With rush hour crowds, missing the subway was possible, so starting preparations early might be best.
“Didn’t sleep?”
Choi Sungbin just stared without answering. His phone was next to him. Yang Juwon frowned slightly. Was he trying to check my phone again?
Yeongnan’s number and messenger profile were still there. We didn’t contact anymore, but I didn’t feel the need to delete them, so I hadn’t.
Is he that curious about Yeongnan, my ex-girlfriend? We won’t meet again, so why does he keep…
“What’s with the phone?”
“What.”
His voice was lower than usual. How long had he been out here? Did he not sleep at all? He looked like it.
Choi Sungbin was acting strange. If he didn’t sleep, he’d usually keep me up too, but he’d been killing time alone until I woke up. Did he stay up to check my phone? But that wasn’t like him.
Choi Sungbin was kind of… reckless and selfish, wasn’t he?
Yang Juwon picked up his phone. Choi Sungbin, sitting on the sofa, looked up.
“…”
“…”
Yang Juwon pressed the power button. Choi Sungbin couldn’t know about Yeongnan. He didn’t want him to find out about his relationship with her.
Thankfully, the phone was still dead. It was time to let it go.
If he showed relief, he’d get an earful, so he tried to act as casual as possible.
“I’ll get ready to go to school.”
Living in Seoul without a phone wasn’t easy, so it was better to start preparing now. Choi Sungbin stood up too. He looked more exhausted and anxious than tired.
“I’ll drive you.”
“No, it’s fine. You didn’t sleep.”
“I don’t sleep much anyway, so it’s okay.”
Sure, but he was always napping at my place whenever he got the chance…
Yang Juwon hesitated for a moment. Can he drive like this? He bit his lip, then released it. Choi Sungbin brushed past, touching his shoulder.
“You don’t need to worry about this much.”
📝
“I’ll go to your place, sunbae.”
“Okay.”
“When the phone arrives, I’ll bring it. Set it up yourself.”
“The phone?”
Choi Sungbin didn’t answer the question. He tapped the steering wheel with his fingertips, staring at the congested road.
Yang Juwon followed his gaze to the front, then turned away. He tried to gauge the man’s state. He just looked tired.
Maybe I should’ve refused the ride. He didn’t seem to have slept.
Choi Sungbin let out a long breath, narrowing his eyes. He looked more on edge than usual. His expressionless face carried a chill.
Better not mess with him now. Yang Juwon sat still, barely breathing, trying not to upset him.
After a brief silence, Choi Sungbin’s voice came back surprisingly soft.
“I bought a phone.”
“When?”
“Yesterday.”
“Oh.”
Yang Juwon let out a small exclamation. Choi Sungbin yawned quietly, pressing the bridge of his nose with his fingers.
Is it just lack of sleep? He seemed different from when he was sitting alone on the sofa this morning. Back then, he looked anxious, but now he seemed fine.
Was it just sleeplessness? Normally, if he couldn’t sleep, he’d wake me up.
Yang Juwon couldn’t let his guard down yet. He watched carefully, trying to read his mood.
“…For me?”
“Yeah. For you, sunbae.”
He didn’t need to do that. Yang Juwon was planning to buy a new phone soon anyway. Fixing the old one would probably cost more than getting a new one.
He wasn’t planning to buy an expensive new model—just a cheap, basic one. He didn’t spend all day on his phone or play heavy games, so as long as it could browse the internet and make calls, that was enough.
“I was going to buy one soon.”
“Soon? Like in a year?”
Choi Sungbin laughed shortly, teasing. Yang Juwon looked at him for a moment, then pursed his lips. He just lived a normal life, but being around Choi Sungbin often made him feel small and pathetic.
Yang Juwon looked down at the phone in his hand instead of answering. Out of habit, he pressed the power button. It didn’t turn on, as expected.
How many years had he used it? Five, maybe. The old phone was, as Choi Sungbin said, no better than junk.
“And reset all the contacts.”
“Huh?”
Choi Sungbin replied casually to the surprised question, but his grip on the steering wheel tightened noticeably.
“You know your family’s numbers anyway. Just wipe the phone’s contacts.”
“Why?”
“Just because. You don’t have that many anyway.”
He rambled on without looking at Yang Juwon, making ridiculous demands. Yang Juwon pursed his lips and let out a small sigh. Why is he acting like this? Sometimes it felt easier when he openly disliked him.
“Choi Sungbin.”
“Yeah.”
“You okay?”
Yang Juwon set aside old feelings for now. Choi Sungbin glanced over with a sharp look.
“What?”
“Just asking.”
“Not really. I’m not tired.”
“Is something up? You didn’t sleep earlier.”
Choi Sungbin looked at him with an odd expression. Yang Juwon met his gaze.
“Are you worried about me?”
“Yeah. Why?”
“Hm.”
“What?”
“Hm.”
“What’s that…”
He wasn’t usually this weird, but seeing him in the early morning added to the concern. Yang Juwon pursed his lower lip, watching him.
“Stop acting cute. Anyway, I’ll bring the phone later, so clear the contacts.”
I didn’t do anything… Just got an earful for no reason.
📝
Summer was awful. Hot, humid, full of bugs. The unique damp, fishy smell was annoying too.
Even driving didn’t help—the sunlight was so strong it felt just as hot. The school library’s parking lot was small, so Choi Sungbin parked nearby and walked. It wasn’t a big deal, but he muttered complaints.
“Hot as hell…”
He wiped his cheek with the back of his hand. He wasn’t sweating, but his skin felt flushed. Still, his face was probably paler than usual.
While others got flushed in the heat, he just got whiter. Sweating and cooling off might’ve been better.
He didn’t walk with a scowl or show irritation. He headed to his destination expressionless. No need to broadcast bad feelings—he knew how pathetic that looked.
He knew.
He understood in his head.
“…”
Choi Sungbin frowned as soon as he entered the library lobby. That jerk… He chewed his lips hard. His nose twitched, and he tensed his face.
In a university full of energetic twenty-somethings, people were always trying to hook up if their eyes met.
He didn’t care what others did. Whatever. He’d lived like that too.
But Yang Juwon shouldn’t.
You have a boyfriend.
“Ha.”
Choi Sungbin laughed in disbelief. He’d barely slept at Yang Juwon’s place, and instead of feeling rested, his head was spinning. Already exhausted, why did he have to see Yang Juwon flirting?
Anyone would think they were a happy couple. Yang Juwon was holding a large box from the girl, who was fidgeting, trying to help.
He should carry it alone. He’s bigger and taller, so it makes sense for Yang Juwon to handle heavy stuff.
He knew that, but the vibe was awful. Was Yang Juwon always this considerate and sweet?
Wasn’t he supposed to be like that only with me? Or does he just do it for everyone?
Watching their backs, Choi Sungbin finally frowned. Yang Juwon’s steps were slower than usual, matching the girl’s pace.
Why be nice to her? Aren’t you supposed to be nice only to me?
Choi Sungbin looked down at the box in his hand. He came to deliver a new phone, but now he had to deal with this crap. Why was he so worked up? It’s just Yang Juwon.
Anyone would think he was the one freaking out.
Even if I’m not there, someone with a partner should act right. He wanted to throw the box in the trash.
“…”
People fall for small acts of kindness. Didn’t Yang Juwon win me over like that?
Is he doing it on purpose?
Acting all innocent, but is he actually scheming?
Did he do this with his ex too? Seduce her like this? Choi Sungbin stopped, slowly rolling his eyes. He glanced at the girl’s expression, standing at an angle.
He knew checking if someone was stealing Yang Juwon was the most pathetic thing, but he couldn’t help it.
What if she likes him? Yang Juwon had nothing, wasn’t as good-looking as me, and his rough appearance wasn’t everyone’s taste, but his personality was gentle, and he was decent boyfriend material.
His ability to handle my rough personality proved he wasn’t bad.
That’s probably why I felt worse. Seeing Yang Juwon, who should be by my side no matter how I act, standing next to someone else was tough.
Choi Sungbin chewed his nails, following the two up the stairs. By the time he got there, they were sitting as if nothing happened. Choi Sungbin approached without hiding his stiff expression.
Yang Juwon’s eyes widened. His expression was hard to read—happy or uncomfortable? The girl next to him glanced over.
Instead of looking at Yang Juwon, Choi Sungbin locked eyes with the girl. He gave a slight smile, greeted her, then turned to Yang Juwon.
His eyes, warm a moment ago, turned cold.
“Let’s talk.”
The library was like a maze. Bookshelves lined up tightly, and he weaved through to a corner. It was the break, so no one was around. The archive of less popular books was quiet even during the semester.
Choi Sungbin sat on the windowsill. Bright sunlight poured through the large glass wall. No wonder the AC ran all day, yet it still felt warm.
Yang Juwon poked his head between the shelves. Startled by his sudden appearance, Choi Sungbin hid a laugh. Being with Yang Juwon was always like this—moods swinging up and down endlessly.
Choi Sungbin handed him a small box.
“Came to drop off the phone.”
“You didn’t have to. I could’ve picked it up later.”
“Why? Don’t want me here?”
He asked sharply. If I hadn’t come, they’d still be chatting and laughing. Choi Sungbin didn’t hide his stiff expression.
Yang Juwon shook his head and continued.
“It’s not that. It’s just hot out, so I thought it’d be a hassle.”
Yang Juwon placed the box on the windowsill. He reached up, gently touching Choi Sungbin’s hair. What’s he doing? Choi Sungbin glared sulkily, and Yang Juwon, realizing his mistake, pulled his hand back.
I don’t want to nag, but he keeps making me. Thinking about it, whenever I grumbled, he’d hold my hand, soothe me, touch my hair… It felt so familiar.
Choi Sungbin grabbed his hand, pulling it down, and snapped.
“You touched your girlfriend’s hair too, didn’t you?”
Yang Juwon frowned. His “here we go again” look was unmistakable. But what could I do? If I hadn’t known from the start, fine, but Pandora’s box was open.
Now, everything Yang Juwon did would remind me of his girlfriend. Kissing, holding hands, having sex, even eating together.
He probably held hands with her like this. Giggling together. I felt pathetic, jealous of someone I didn’t even know.
“Yeah, so that’s why it’s so familiar. My hair’s short, so what am I supposed to do? No hair to touch?”
“I didn’t say she had long hair.”
“Wow.”
Choi Sungbin was genuinely impressed. Correcting facts now? Is he trying to fight? Sharpening his gaze, Yang Juwon shook his head and muttered.
“Let’s stop talking about my ex. I said so this morning.”
“You know the ‘ae’ in ‘lover’ is the hanja for love, right? Oh, you must’ve loved her.”
“Please.”
Why am I so childish? I wasn’t like this before.
I couldn’t sleep from anxiety, and thinking about Yang Juwon doing the same for his girlfriend made me furious. I could sit here all day picking fights over every little thing.
Thanks to Yang Juwon, I’d developed this skill—finding fault and arguing.
But Choi Sungbin clamped his mouth shut. I’ll hold back.
Yang Juwon, reading the room for once, didn’t say more. If he misread the mood one more time, who knows what would happen.
Choi Sungbin wrapped his legs around Yang Juwon’s, pulling him closer. The stiff man awkwardly came closer, pressing against him.
I’m annoyed. So annoyed I could go crazy, but seeing his face makes it okay. I wanted to stay close, even just a little.
“How’s the phone?”
“Looks good.”
“Your hands are big, so I got the same one as mine.”
“Thanks. I could’ve bought it myself.”
Choi Sungbin gave a sly smile. Always making me mad about money, but now he’s used to it.
“Pay me.”
He meant to buy it, but added the jab out of spite. Did you buy your girlfriend gifts? Questions rolled on his tongue, but he didn’t ask. Instead, he pulled Yang Juwon closer.
Yang Juwon glanced awkwardly. Two guys this close was a bit much. No one would come here, but even if they did, whatever.
I almost wished someone would. I wanted to grab a marker and write “mine” on Yang Juwon’s cheek.
What’s so special about this dumb guy?
“Can I pay you later this month?”
Looking at him with a sulky expression, Yang Juwon glanced at the phone box, probably checking the price.
“How much?”
Choi Sungbin answered roughly.
“Over two million won.”
Yang Juwon let out a small sigh. Choi Sungbin bit his twitching lips to hide it. Seeing him flustered felt good. That’s not what I want, mister. If I wanted money, I wouldn’t have bought it.
Choi Sungbin whispered softly.
“If you don’t want to pay, you could kiss me instead.”
“It’s not that I don’t want to pay.”
“If you pay, you’ll have no money left.”
“True.”
“Why bother with a part-time job? You’re always broke.”
Talking to him could be annoying, but it was also nice. On sleepless nights, they’d talk all night. His sleepy voice answering diligently was nice.
Yang Juwon looked flustered, glancing around. Should I drag him to the bathroom and make out?
“Just do it. No excuses.”
Pushing him, Yang Juwon slowly lowered his head. Their lips met. Choi Sungbin grabbed his arm, pulling him closer. Their lips locked, and hot breaths mingled.
For a kiss in a library corner, it was pretty intense. Choi Sungbin flicked out his tongue, and Yang Juwon carefully took it in, sucking. Sitting on the windowsill made it a bit awkward, and Yang Juwon’s kisses were always a bit forceful.
Then, Yang Juwon supported the back of his neck. It was to make it less uncomfortable, but Choi Sungbin got annoyed.
I thought he was always awkward, but he wasn’t completely clueless. Skinship with me was awkward because I’m a guy, his first. Of course.
Did he kiss his girlfriend like this too? Anywhere, anytime? We’re at an age where you do anything when eyes meet.
Choi Sungbin pushed him away hard. Startled, Yang Juwon’s eyes widened.
“What’s wrong?”
“You kissed your girlfriend too.”
“…”
Yang Juwon couldn’t hide his flustered expression. They kept circling back to square one. It was impossible to predict. Just when things seemed to be going smoothly, Choi Sungbin would pick a fight, and when it seemed like he was about to explode, he’d twitch his face and hold back.
Yang Juwon stared blankly at the man chattering nonstop in front of him.
“Did you just do it outside? Anywhere, as long as your eyes met?”
“You’re unbelievable.”
“You acted like it was your first kiss? Worn out and all.”
Yang Juwon sighed. Why is he like this? What’s he so upset about?
He hadn’t expected that a casual question from the day before would lead to this. Choi Sungbin had said he didn’t like awkwardness, that he preferred someone skilled. Not that Yang Juwon was particularly skilled…
Anyone would think he was jealous of the ex-girlfriend.
“Was your ex that great? Then why didn’t you marry her? Why break up? If you were going to break up, why date her? Were you thinking of marriage?”
No way.
“You acted like I was your only one, but you did the same with your ex, didn’t you? Saying she was your only one. Why are you so shallow?”
Probably not.
Yang Juwon stared blankly at Choi Sungbin, who was talking his head off, and finally asked a question.
“Choi Sungbin.”
“Yeah.”
“Are you…”
“…”
“Are you bothered by the fact that I had a girlfriend before?”
His already pale face grew even whiter. Yang Juwon felt the weight of the question’s impact this time, but they needed to clear things up. Continuing with these kinds of conversations would be exhausting.
He needed to know what Choi Sungbin wanted. Why was this getting weirder? He got annoyed, angry, grumbled, and sulked, yet stayed by his side, so it didn’t seem like he hated Yang Juwon like before.
Yang Juwon continued as calmly as possible.
“You keep bringing it up. You’ve been irritated since yesterday. You used to say you didn’t like me acting clueless, but I don’t get why you’re so mad now.”
“…”
“You asked for a kiss just now… and then suddenly started picking a fight.”
Choi Sungbin shot up from his seat. Since he was unpredictable, Yang Juwon braced himself slightly. The man’s nose twitched, and one side of his face flinched.
Calming his breath, he sat back down. He looked exhausted. The one getting angry was always the one who got tired.
“…I’m jealous.”
“Huh?”
“I’m jealous, okay? Is that not allowed? I don’t even know who she is, but thinking about you treating her the way you treat me makes me mad. Do you not know me at all? Do you think I’ll be happy if you answer every question and correct me?”
Truthfully, there were plenty of things Yang Juwon wanted to correct right now. He couldn’t say it, but Choi Sungbin knew about Yeongnan, and Yang Juwon had never treated her the way he treated Choi Sungbin. Yeongnan wasn’t a difficult person to begin with. Even when things were tough because of Choi Sungbin, she was just anxious, not prickly. She was naturally gentle.
In Yang Juwon’s life, Choi Sungbin was the only one this difficult and demanding. “Don’t you know me, sunbae?” he asked, but all Yang Juwon could say was that he didn’t. When he thought he understood, Choi Sungbin pulled away, and when he felt clueless, Choi Sungbin was suddenly close.
Yang Juwon stayed silent. He was afraid of the storm that would follow if he said this now.
Maybe this was the answer. He raised his hand. I wish he wouldn’t get mad. He carefully touched Choi Sungbin’s hair.
“…”
Instead of getting annoyed, Choi Sungbin just looked up. His eyes weren’t big, but they were deep. His dark pupils and sharp gaze softened.
Yang Juwon felt a thrilling chill. This was the answer.
“I’m sorry for talking about my ex. But I’ve never treated anyone else the way I treat you.”
“…”
“I didn’t do skinship outside. I don’t do that. It all started after meeting you.”
Choi Sungbin’s Adam’s apple bobbed heavily. Did he know? His voice trembled enough for Yang Juwon to notice.
“…Then why do you do it with me?”
The trembling wave hit him. From skin to skin, the tremor seeped through his fingers, and Yang Juwon suddenly felt scared. He tried to pull his hand away, but Choi Sungbin rubbed his cheek against his palm.
Weird. Yang Juwon tried to look away.
This wasn’t like him. Choi Sungbin had changed. Since when? Maybe Yang Juwon had noticed to some extent.
Maybe he was getting comfortable. The guy who always seemed difficult might be getting easier.
Now he felt like he knew the answer. No matter how tough a problem, it gets familiar after enough tries.
“If you don’t like it, I won’t do it. I just… did it because I wanted to. So can we stop talking about my ex? I won’t see her or contact her again. I’ll clear my contacts. I’m sorry for making you worry.”
Choi Sungbin finally lowered his gaze. His anger softened. He placed his hand over Yang Juwon’s, which was against his cheek, and intertwined their fingers. Yang Juwon could finally smile.
“So stop being mad. You came all this way, and getting angry just tires you out.”
Choi Sungbin fidgeted with Yang Juwon’s fingers, pressing the knuckles or spreading them wide. Yang Juwon looked down at his small hands.
So Choi Sungbin gets jealous too. It felt strange. He never thought he’d be so openly jealous. Maybe this turned out well.
“You’re mine, sunbae.”
“Huh…”
“So be good to me.”
There he goes again. Yang Juwon smiled silently. Choi Sungbin, tilting his head, clearly saw his expression but didn’t scold him. He must have more to say than complaints.
“So I won’t feel hurt. So I’ll be satisfied with you, so I won’t have to keep checking, so I won’t have to say this stuff—be good to me.”
“Got it. Want to eat out before my part-time job tonight? I’ll treat you to something nice.”
“You’re gonna buy kimchi jjigae again, aren’t you?”
“I’ll get budae jjigae today.”
“Like an old man…”
Choi Sungbin’s expression finally looked relaxed as he teased. I should’ve said it sooner. Is this dating or raising a kid?
Yang Juwon laughed softly. Choi Sungbin glanced at him, then lowered his head.
“Annoying.”
His quiet mutter didn’t sting much.