OL Ch 49

Even after leaving the apartment complex, the tears didn’t stop. Hayun sat on the bleachers of a nearby middle school playground, waiting for his crying to subside. Tears flowed as if his eyes were broken.

“…..”

Perhaps because it was an odd time, there were only a couple of people exercising. Hayun stared blankly at them as they circled the playground and tried to get his crying under control.

As evening deepened into night, the cold began to set in. It was probably because he had cried a lot and had been sitting still in the middle of the playground in the cold weather.

He checked the time on his phone, whose battery was also running low due to the cold. He couldn’t go home now, so he had to go to a PC cafe, but there were no 24-hour PC cafes in this area, which were mostly apartment complexes.

‘I should have just stayed at the PC cafe from the beginning.’

He only had to endure one night, but he felt like he had done something foolish. But even as he thought that, he didn’t want to go to a PC cafe. He just wanted to go home to any house right now.

‘If the guests are gone, I can go home, right?’

If they hadn’t left, he could go to the PC cafe then, couldn’t he? There was a 24-hour PC cafe near Mookyeong’s house. The time was a bit awkward, but since it was close, he thought he could check the house and then run there.

As soon as he arrived at the apartment complex, Hayun looked for Mookyeong’s house. The lights were still on, and the window was wide open. It was a good sign.

‘Yeah. Just because it’s a bad day doesn’t mean bad things will keep happening.’

The problem is that the bad things that define a bad day are so big that they erase the good things, the things that went by without any trouble. Hayun comforted himself and went up in the elevator.

The front door was also open.

If there were guests, he wouldn’t leave the front door wide open like this. And he couldn’t hear anyone else’s voice.

‘It looks like they’ve all left and he’s cleaning up.’

But it was still too early to be relieved. Hayun carefully approached the front door. Perhaps sensing his presence, Mookyeong appeared.

“Are all the guests gone?”

“I told you to stay the night.”

“No, well. It just happened. Can I not come in yet?”

Hayun glanced at Mookyeong. He seemed to be in a slightly bad mood, but it didn’t seem to be because of him. Meanwhile, Mookyeong moved aside so that Hayun could come in. Hayun took off his shoes and glanced at Mookyeong from time to time.

A habit he thought had disappeared raised its head again. He wanted to complain to Mookyeong like before. That today was so hard. Did you know what Kijun said to me? But it’s not like he said it with bad intentions. He was just, just worried about me.

If you consider all this and that, it’s your fault, Baek Mookyeong.

But he couldn’t do it now, even if it were before. Hayun swallowed the words that tickled his throat and went inside.

Even though all the windows in the house were open, it still smelled of alcohol. Hayun tutted at the sight of the liquor bottles gathered in a corner of the living room.

“Did many guests come? How many people came to drink this much?”

“…..”

“Mookyeong-ah, are you drunk?”

Hayun smiled slightly, looking at Mookyeong, who was just blinking slowly. He was definitely drunk.

“You seem very drunk, so just go to bed. Clean this up tomorrow.”

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll take care of it.”

Hayun pouted behind Mookyeong’s back and turned away. He thought about helping, but he was also annoyed and had no energy left. He decided to use the master bedroom’s bathroom instead of the one outside, so as not to get on Mookyeong’s nerves.

He went into the room, put down his things, and took off his coat, but there was a strange smell in the room. Hayun thought lightly that the guests must have looked around the house. Just then, a piece of plastic got stuck to the end of his sock.

“What is this?”

He tried to shake it off with his foot, but it wouldn’t come off, perhaps because of static electricity. In the end, Hayun, who had taken it off with his hand and was about to throw it in the trash, looked at the piece of plastic with a fluttering heart.

“…..”

His heart fluttered so much that it swept his heart and made it fall to the floor.

Hayun slowly raised his head. The short hallway leading to the master bedroom’s bathroom felt strangely long. He didn’t know how many times he stopped and how many breaths he took to go that short distance.

Barely opening the bathroom door and entering, Hayun slowly scanned the sink and bathtub.

He gasped when he found a long strand of hair in the bathtub. He was trying to think that the guests must have just used the master bedroom’s bathroom, when he found a silver plastic wrapper hanging on the lid of the bathroom trash can.

“…..”

Hayun opened the trash can lid and picked up the plastic wrapper that was hanging on the lid. He had never used one, but even Hayun knew what kind of plastic it was.

He forgot to breathe and looked inside the trash can.

“…..”

The trash he had hoped wouldn’t be there was there. Some were properly tied, and some were just thrown away, perhaps because they had torn in the middle. Was it because he had been holding his breath? His head was dizzy. Hayun leaned against the wall and panted.

Hayun roughly wiped his face. He didn’t want to think about anything. He just wished that if he blinked a few times, a few days would have passed.

‘This is a lie.’

Hayun pushed the trash he was holding back into the trash can. As he closed the lid as if nothing had happened, a small piece of plastic stuck to his hand this time and wouldn’t come off.

“Please, just!”

Hayun shook his hand nervously.

“…Please.”

Anything, please.

I wish it would just end.

Hayun prayed earnestly. Because he didn’t want to know anything about what was going on, he wished that everything would end so that he wouldn’t have to worry about anything.

Hayun fled the bathroom, but then he didn’t know what to do and just stood there. Then he heard the door open. He knew who was coming in without looking back.

At that moment, the tears that he thought he had shed all at the playground and wouldn’t come again, tickled his eyes again. Hayun moistened his dry lips with his tongue and caught his breath. His mind was blank, and nothing came to mind, but his mouth opened on its own.

“Did you…sleep with someone?”

He regretted it as soon as he said it. I shouldn’t have said it, then I wouldn’t have had to hear it.

“…..”

But he couldn’t stand Mookyeong’s silence more than his regret.

“I said, did you sleep with someone!”

“So what if I did?”

“…..”

“So what if I did? What are you going to do about it?”

Mookyeong let out a long breath and ran his hand through his hair. Meanwhile, Hayun mulled over Mookyeong’s words. He cut the words in the middle, broke them into small pieces, and then gathered them again, over and over.

So what if I did?

Then what can you dare to do?

The back of his neck tightened, and the top of his head tingled. His whole brain ached as if it had been hit.

“Are you…crazy?”

“…..”

“You, you, what were you thinking? What were you thinking when you did that?”

“…..”

“Say something! You’re listening to everything I’m saying!”

“I said it before. It’s none of your business who I sleep with.”

“Then what about Kim Heewon?”

“…..”

“What are you going to do about Kim Heewon, you crazy punk!”

Hayun pushed Mookyeong and shouted. It felt like his insides were burning. His heart pounded, and his head throbbed. What should he call this emotion?

Betrayal. Yes, that word suited it.

Hayun’s pupils, which were scanning Mookyeong’s emotionless face, shook aimlessly.

“…You’re dirty. You know? How can you sleep with someone else when you have Heewon? Huh?”

“Then should I be celibate?”

“You should, then!”

“…..”

“You’re still waiting for Heewon. What were you thinking when he comes back, when he comes back?”

“When is he coming back?”

“…..”

“Ten years? Twenty years? You tell me. How much longer will it take to find Heewon?”

He couldn’t open his mouth. He was just shooting back in his mind, “How should I know?” Isn’t he the one who should be asking that? Hayun glared at Mookyeong with his mouth shut.

“I’m not desperate for people. I have no intention of getting married or having children as the higher-ups want, and I don’t want to give them my sperm. But since it’s a duty, I’ll probably give it to them once within ten years, but anyway…”

“…If you’re not desperate for people. Then what? Just lust? Sexual desire?”

“You’re not wrong.”

His head throbbed as if it had been hit hard.

“You brought someone else to the master bedroom and slept with them to satisfy your lust? You couldn’t even hold back that one thing?”

Mookyeong didn’t answer. He leaned against the wall with his arms crossed and looked down at Hayun.

“I’ve been saying this from the beginning. It’s none of your business who I sleep with.”

“You’ll really regret this.”

At Hayun’s words, Mookyeong burst out laughing as if he found it absurd.

“Yeah, I will. I’ll regret it when I find Heewon. But Kim Hayun. I’ll take care of things with Heewon. I’ll get his forgiveness or punishment on my own. So you, who have nothing to do with it, don’t need to be so dramatic.”

“Why, why do I have nothing to do with it?”

“Because you’re not Kim Heewon.”

“…..”

“You’re Kim Hayun, not Kim Heewon. No matter what you do, that will never change.”

Mookyeong’s words sounded like the curse of a villain in a fairy tale. Hayun couldn’t move his body, as if he had turned to stone. Even though he was standing on the floor, he felt like he was falling in a void with no footing.

I’m not Kim Heewon, I’m Kim Hayun. I’m that Kim Hayun.

‘I am.’

Hayun couldn’t be the Kim Heewon that Mookyeong had forgotten. Because Kim Hayun was Kim Hayun. And the one who made him that way was none other than Kim Hayun himself.

I shouldn’t have done that. I shouldn’t have done that. While Hayun was mulling over his regrets, Mookyeong turned around. Fearing that he would leave if he let him go, Hayun grabbed Mookyeong’s wrist.

“Don’t go.”

“…..”

“Who are you going to sleep with again?”

“Sleep with? Hey.”

“If you need it, just tell me. I can do it for you.”

“Are you really crazy? What can you do? There’s nothing you can do.”

“You said you’re not desperate for people. You said you have no intention of getting married. Then it doesn’t matter who it is, right?”

“He’s completely lost it.”

“I…I can keep it a secret.”

“…?”

“Instead of sleeping with someone else and getting unnecessary rumors, if you just take care of it in the house, then it’ll be fine, right?”

The words he spat out felt like they were tearing off his own flesh. Hayun’s insides stung, and he spoke in fragments.

“When Heewon comes back… then it will be as if nothing happened.”

“You know that doesn’t make sense, right?”

“…..”

“Who’s going to benefit from that?”

“Kim Heewon.”

“What?”

“For Kim Heewon’s sake. Because we’re friends.”

As Mookyeong said, he knew very well that it didn’t make sense. He regretted it as soon as he said it, but he hated the thought of Mookyeong going to meet someone else even more.

Mookyeong’s gaze was so intense that Hayun lowered his head.

The worthless hatred was now so painful that it was hard to endure. Perhaps he had become weak.

“If you pretend not to know, I’ll take care of it. If you pretend not to know, then it didn’t happen, right?”

“…..”

“I won’t do what you don’t like.”

“…..”

“I’ll try not to touch you as much as possible, and I won’t make a sound. I won’t even look at your face. I’ll forget everything when it’s over. I’m bad at remembering things, so I’m really good at that.”

“…..”

“So now, let’s wait for Heewon together instead of sleeping with someone else. We can find Heewon.”

“You’re really terrible. How can you say something like that without blinking an eye? Are you really Heewon’s friend?”

“…..”

“If I were Kim Heewon, I would have beaten you to death.”

Mookyeong’s hand touched Hayun’s head. He swept his hair back mockingly, so much so that his head tilted back, and then grabbed a handful of Hayun’s hair. Hayun’s body swayed from the rough touch. Hayun’s knees buckled as he lost his balance, but Mookyeong didn’t care.

He lifted Hayun by his hair as if he were lifting an object and threw him onto the bed.

“You started this.”