MIM 103

He had drawn in Shin-woo’s notebook before. Like today, his past self had also examined every corner of that neat, handsome face, hoping that Shin-woo would smile at him, even briefly. Though he couldn’t recall the memory clearly, the emotions from back then tickled his chest, almost within reach.

“Give it here.”

Shin-woo snatched the notebook away, muttering gruffly. The edges of his round ears had turned bright red.

“I’m keeping it since you drew it for me.”

Not immediately understanding the mumbled words, Ma Jae-seung looked down at Shin-woo’s hand. Now he noticed a memo paper with neat edges sticking out from the notebook’s side. A yellowish paper with visible texture. The paper he had just scribbled on. Shin-woo had brought out the notebook to keep that foolish doodle.

Ma Jae-seung watched blankly as Shin-woo put the notebook back in his bag. Shin-woo clicked his tongue and took water from the refrigerator. Seeing how little was left, he drank straight from the bottle in big gulps. After drinking plenty of cold water, his ears finally returned to their original color.

The intense déjà vu lingered in his mind. Was Shin-woo silently reliving time that he himself couldn’t remember? Did they spend our days like this back then too, just the two of them?

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Overwhelmed by uncontrollable emotions, Ma Jae-seung stepped forward and asked him. Shin-woo, who had been staring up at him, replied nonchalantly, “Tell you what?”

“That we had this kind of relationship. I asked you so many times.”

“What kind of relationship?”

“At least not employer and employee.”

His throat grew increasingly hot at Shin-woo’s attitude, which seemed not just calm but almost indifferent. Ma Jae-seung suppressed his emotions as much as possible, closing his throat tight as if holding back nausea. Shin-woo maintained his cold expression as he looked at Ma Jae-seung.

“Don’t misunderstand. We weren’t anything special.”

“Your notebook has my drawing. Even back then, I wanted to make you laugh as well.”

“Back then, I was all you had. You were confined. You had no other choice but to play with me.”

“What about now?”

“…”

“Answer me straight. Then and now, you’re the only one who’s been by my side.”

When Ma Jae-seung took another step closer, Shin-woo stepped half a step back. His jaw muscle twitched as he brushed up his hair, looking troubled.

Looking back, it had always been only Shin-woo. Whenever he felt lonely or troubled, Shin-woo would suddenly appear and chatter nonsense. When he couldn’t sleep, Shin-woo stayed by his side until his eyes closed. They ate ice cream together and attended lectures together. Shin-woo came to rescue him and brought down his fever. When he wanted to run away, Shin-woo ran away with him.

“Did I order you to kill my father? Or did you set the fire to cover up my killing him? Did you get burned saving me from those flames?”

“…”

“Did you love me?”

At those words, Shin-woo looked up. His brown eyes, which had been feigning composure all along, suddenly showed intense turmoil. After wavering, his eyes slowly found their place again, trembling precariously. Ma Jae-seung grabbed the back of his neck to prevent him from avoiding his gaze. Then, close enough to feel each other’s breath, he looked down at him.

“Admit it.”

“…”

“Tell me honestly.”

He wanted to hear it from Shin-woo’s own lips. He was ready to accept whatever aftermath would follow.

Shin-woo, looking back up at him, narrowed his eyes. That smile in his eyes seemed both mischievous and self-deprecating. After a long pause, he finally spoke.

“At first, I played with you because you were just another pitiful guy like me. But later…”

Shin-woo lowered his gaze to a place around Ma Jae-seung’s shoulders. His voice came out cracked.

“I protected you because when you broke, I felt like I was breaking too.”

“How’s that? Not such a noble reason, is it?” Shin-woo asked with a dry laugh. Though he tried to frame it as selfish, the essence remained unchanged. Ma Jae-seung couldn’t understand what kind of answer he was expecting.

“Isn’t that love?”

Because to him, this thing they had was perfect love.

At those words, Shin-woo’s composed expression finally cracked. He sighed deeply, pushed Ma Jae-seung away, and turned around.

“This isn’t why we came on this trip.”

“Then why did we come? Did you come to take care of me in case I went crazy after killing Kim Ye-wook?”

“If you know, why don’t you come to your senses?”

“Why do you say you like me and kiss me? If that’s your way of comforting others, it’s pretty low.”

“Is that surprising to you now?”

At the angry retort, Shin-woo approached with a smile. His reddened neck caught Ma Jae-seung’s eye again. The rash was more prominent now, red and inflamed. Though it was probably just a sun allergy, he couldn’t take his eyes off it.

“That I’m low?”

Shin-woo whispered, coming close enough that their noses almost touched. A pleasant scent tickled his nose. The fresh sensation wasn’t limited to his sense of smell but awakened his entire body. His toes tingled as blood rushed through him, warming his belly. He wanted to nibble Shin-woo’s soft-looking ears and kiss his cheeks. He wanted to hold him tight and roll around until their entire bodies were sticky with sweat.

This immediate reaction wasn’t from body odor…it was a matter of pheromones. Ma Jae-seung staggered back, blinking confused eyes. Images of rash-covered photos flashed before his eyes. Ye-wook’s older brother?

No, my body.

“No.”

Ma Jae-seung muttered through his teeth as he grabbed Shin-woo’s collar. With trembling hands, he practically tore off the T-shirt, revealing a firm torso. Like a madman, he frantically checked the small rashes spread near the collarbone and below the ribs. Just two spots of mild rash, but his frantically beating heart wouldn’t calm down.

An ominous feeling sent chills up and down his spine. Ma Jae-seung ran into the small room. He laid out Shin-woo’s carrier and bag beside the bed and began frantically searching through them without permission.

“No. No. No…”

While throwing around the few clothes and belongings, Ma Jae-seung picked up a palm-sized sunglasses case. Inside the black box was, as expected, a pair of sunglasses. With tension-stiffened hands, Ma Jae-seung took out the sunglasses and glared at the box. It was too deep for just storing sunglasses. Upon closer inspection, there was a groove where a fingernail could fit. Ma Jae-seung dug his thumbnail in and lifted the bottom with all his strength.

There was a rustling of plastic. The sound of individually wrapped disposable syringes hitting each other. Ma Jae-seung stared blankly at the long bottle filled with an unknown solution and five disposable syringes.

His condition had been too good.

Shin-woo’s travel fatigue had been strangely prolonged.

“…Hah.”

At the sound of the sigh behind him, his gasping throat instantly constricted. Unable to breathe properly, Ma Jae-seung threw the box to the floor with a contorted face. He smashed the syringes and bottle with his fist and screamed. Though blood flowed from the broken glass, he felt no pain. He didn’t even notice the agony of his breaking heart.

Only when he tried to bury his head in the glass shards did Shin-woo rush in. With wild eyes, Shin-woo grabbed Ma Jae-seung’s collar and threw him onto the bed.

“Fuck, are you crazy? What are you doing?”

“Am I crazy? Is that what you should be saying?”

“What’s the problem?”

“What is this?”

Ma Jae-seung jumped up and kicked the shattered syringe. His breathing was ragged, unable to contain his excitement. Each breath felt like glass piercing his heart.

Shin-woo looked down at the ruined syringes and medicine, then answered nonchalantly, “It’s medicine I set aside when clearing out the lab, in case we needed it. For omega trait transformation. Though it doesn’t seem to be working properly yet…”

“You’re doing trait transformation? For me? Who gave you the right?”

“Lower your voice.”

“Just try to say it was for my sake once more, and I’ll kill you!”

Ma Jae-seung lunged forward with a shout, grabbing Shin-woo’s shoulders with both hands. On the verge of tears, with water precariously gathering in his eyes, his trembling face looked at Shin-woo.

“Why do you have to become fake too?!”