SSL 1

As I drifted awake from a struggling dream, I smelled the rain.

Jaehyun shot up in bed. While the surroundings were still dark, the window was open. It was only a crack, but it was enough for the water to splash in and soak the things on his desk.

“Ah, fuck…”

Hurrying over to close the window, Jaehyun let out a laugh. I’m still dreaming about my childhood.

In the dream, Jaehyun was in Hamburg. The city where he was born and attended kindergarten and school until he was nine years old. When he was ten, his parents divorced, and his mother returned to her home country, Korea, alone, so Jaehyun also suddenly had to attend school in Seoul.

He was dragged here without having learned any Korean, so he had a pretty tough time in elementary school. To the point where even now as a high school student, he shudders to think back on it.

Blinking his sleepy eyes, Jaehyun went to the corner of the room where the dumbbells were, picked up a workout towel, and began to wipe his desk. Among the wet items was the desk clock. A silent analog clock pointing to 4:32.

I woke up too early. Jaehyun grumbled to himself. After moving around vigorously, he was now completely awake. Instead of lying down again, Jaehyun rummaged through a drawer, grabbed a pack of cigarettes and a lighter, and went out to the living room.

He was about to turn toward the balcony when he stopped. It was because a yellow light had moved in one corner of the living room.

A flashlight beam. The small, circular light suddenly changed direction and aimed at Jaehyun’s face, sweeping down his body with its hand as if interrogating him. His right hand, holding the cigarette pack.

“Ah, what the hell.”

His sister let out a sigh.

“You came out to smoke? You scared me.”

“You scared me too.”

Jaehyun let out a dry laugh.

“I woke up early because of the sound of the rain. What are you doing, noona?”

“Prepping for an assignment.”

“Why don’t you turn on the lights to look.”

“It’s going to be exhibited in a dark place. I’m going to hand out flashlights and have the viewers look at it by shining the light themselves… Hey, be careful not to drop any ash outside. Smoke with the ashtray in the palm of your hand.”

“Of course.”

Jaehyun went out onto the balcony, picked up the ashtray he had left in the corner, and stood in front of the railing. His sister, a second-year art student, doesn’t care whether her first-year high school brother smokes or not. She would stop him if he smoked like a chimney and damaged his health, but she says one stick every now and then is fine.

All in all, she was a roommate he got along with well. It had been three years since their mother went to the United States, and the two of them were living well, taking care of each other without any problems. While keeping the two-bedroom officetel clean.

As he lit the cigarette and inhaled the smoke, Jaehyun suddenly thought of the student dean’s face. The way that big, middle-aged man would go into every classroom during the guidance week, swinging a baseball bat and threatening them. You bastards, don’t smoke, I can tell just by looking at the state of your fingernails, just you wait and see if you get caught.

Stupid fucker.

Jaehyun swallowed the curse and smiled faintly. It’s because of fuckers like you that I smoke.

Because if I didn’t, it would be like I was obediently following the threats. The threats of an adult violent offender who brandishes a weapon in front of kids. In Germany, he would have been arrested by the police just for daring to brandish something like that in a school.

But that’s not the case in Korea. It’s natural for teachers to discipline kids by hitting them. At age ten, on the very afternoon he transferred, Jaehyun, along with all the other kids, had to get on his knees on top of his desk and was hit on the thighs with a stick. He was hit without even understanding what was going on, and later found out that it wasn’t because he himself had done anything wrong, but that the whole class was being punished as a group.

The common sense he had properly learned in the place where he was born and raised was literally and violently twisted in just a few days. In less than a few weeks, Jaehyun had lost faith in the things in the world that are called rules or norms. Things that scatter like a mirage if you get on a plane and go from one place to another. Jaehyun didn’t return to his room until he had finished smoking the cigarette down to the edge of the filter.

After that, Jaehyun flipped through a workbook for about two hours, then put on his school uniform at 7 o’clock and left the house. The rain had already stopped. When he got on the bus, some familiar faces waved at him from the very back seat.

“Hey, hey. Cha Jaehyun!”

—…The know-how passed down directly by five instructors from Korea University! Your school grades and the college entrance exam, all at once-

“Oh, what are you guys doing up so early?”

Jaehyun approached and stood, holding onto a pole. Of all the places for these bastards to sit, he thought. The speaker was right above his head, so the radio commercial was loud.

“The rain was fucking loud today. I woke up early. What about you, Cha Jaehyun? The guy who’s always late and climbs over the wall.”

—Small, elite groups, level-based learning. The splendid achievement of 12 students admitted to Korea University in 200X-

“Me too, because the rain was loud.”

“Think we’ll be able to play basketball at lunch today? The field’s probably fucked up.”

“It’ll all be dry by then, you idiot.”

—A student’s life changes depending on their academy. Your precious-

While they were joking around, the bus stopped at the stop near the school. The four of them got off and walked through the school gate, but Jaehyun, as expected, was stopped again by the student guidance committee. A second-year student on the committee pointed at Jaehyun’s hair and said, quite solemnly.

“You, first-year, stand here.”

“Ah, my hair? This is natural. I even got permission from the student dean, Mr. Kim Hyunjong.”

“…Really?”

“Yes. You can ask the teacher, or you can tell by looking at my eyes. My eyes are light too.”

Jaehyun deliberately used his finger to pull one of his eyes wide open. He was often mistaken for having dyed his hair not only because of his skin and eye color, but most of all because his hair color was a soft, light shade. The student on the committee frowned and waved his hand dismissively.

“Alright. But I’m really going to ask him later. If you lied, I’m coming to your classroom. What class are you in?”

“Class 3. First year, class 3.”

“Okay. The piercing… I’ll let it go since there’s only a mark, but don’t wear it at school.”

“Yes, I understand perfectly.”

Replying with an almost exaggerated politeness, Jaehyun turned on his heel. The kids were waiting, snickering. Jaehyun getting caught at the gate for his hair was slowly becoming a regular event, and they said it was fun to watch. One of them bet a snack from the school store that an order to dye it black would eventually be issued.

After entering the school, Jaehyun parted ways with the kids. They were kids he got to know from playing basketball together often, but they were in different classes.

Going to class 3 alone, Jaehyun sat in a seat by the hallway. Class 3 had a total of 45 students, and the seats were assigned randomly at the beginning of the semester and then rearranged right after the midterms. So that students who were good at studying and those who were not were mixed evenly. As he was chatting and playing with the kids in the back seats, the homeroom teacher came in.

“Dismissed. Ah, class president, don’t forget to collect the career aspiration forms before the end of the day. And follow me for a second.”

“Yes.”

At the end of the morning homeroom, the teacher beckoned to the class president and led him out into the hallway.

As soon as the teacher left, the classroom became boisterous. Jaehyun placed the textbook for the first period on his desk, and then laid out another book to read, tucked under the textbook, in advance. At that moment, a breeze touched his left cheek.

A damp breeze. It also felt like a pale, transparent blue color.

Jaehyun turned his head without thinking. The window at the front of the classroom was half open. As the wind moistened his eyes, it also carried a figure with it. A boy, sitting hunched over in the second seat by the window. Kang Doyoon.

He was wearing his silicone earplugs, as usual. He desperately lowers his head over his desk and underlines things in his textbook. As he was staring blankly at the sight, a rough voice reached his ear.

“He acts like he’s doing all the studying in the world.”

Jaehyun looked back. Woo Jincheol was sitting slanted in the front seat, his elbow on Jaehyun’s desk, sneering.

“I hear Kang Doyoon’s always like that, but his average is not even 70. At the beginning of the semester, I thought he was like, ranked 10th in the country or something. If it were me, I’d kill myself if I studied that hard and got those scores.”

“Cut it out.”

“What, man, he’s wearing earplugs, he can’t hear. And honestly, what if he does hear?”

Woo Jincheol suddenly turned his head toward Doyoon and was about to shout.

“Hey, Kang…”

“I told you to cut it out.”

But when Jaehyun frowned, he flinched and stopped, and instead, he gave a weak, evasive laugh and changed the subject.

“No, I mean… it’s just fascinating. He’s fascinating, and you’re fascinating.”

Jincheol’s eyes scanned Jaehyun’s eyes and hands, as if searching. In truth, it seemed like he wanted to scan the inside of his desk drawer or his bag too. To check things like what workbooks he was solving, whether he carried any academy textbooks, and so on.

“You’re late when you feel like it, you do other things during class, you submit early leave slips and skip, you hang out, work a part-time job, and even smoke. But how are your mock exam scores in the 0.05%? And you were 3rd in the whole school for midterms. Honestly, it doesn’t make sense.”

“It’s normal for smart kids to do well up until the first year. It’ll drop a bit in the second year, so don’t worry.”

“Hey, hey. Do you really not go to an academy? Sorry for keep asking, but my mom told me to ask just one more time.”

“I don’t go.”

“It really doesn’t make sense.”

Listening to him mumble as if it were unfair, Jaehyun let out a scoff. A real pain-in-the-ass guy.

Jaehyun had tried going to a place called an academy in middle school. It was because a friend had pestered him so much to go together. Unable to refuse, he promised to try just one test lecture and followed him after school.

But the instructor suddenly called him to come to the front. When he went up, he hit his palm three times with a long stick. Apparently, it was because Jaehyun had been sitting slanted with his chin propped on his hand. His ‘attitude was poor’, he said. Jaehyun gave the instructor the middle finger, then immediately went back to his seat, packed his bag, and walked out.

Just the way the school operated was tiresome enough. Making them wear something like a military uniform, hitting people for trivial excuses like their attire or being a few minutes late, and trying to threaten them by holding their student records over their heads. And he was supposed to add an academy on top of that? Pay tens of thousands of won a month to wear another leash? That was insane.

Fortunately, he was born with a good head on his shoulders. He also knew how to study efficiently on his own. Just now, he had told Jincheol not to worry because kids like him would see their grades drop in the second year, but in reality, Jaehyun was confident he could maintain his rank to a certain extent even as the grades went up. Without ever changing his way of life. Just then, someone tapped Jaehyun’s shoulder from behind.

“Huh? What.”

“The teacher wants you to come down for a bit during lunchtime. Around 1, after you eat.”

“…I get it, but why are you whispering that in my ear.”

“No, he told me to tell you secretly.”

The class president, Kim Yoon, moved away from Jaehyun and smiled awkwardly. Then he whispered again. This time, instead of speaking into his ear, he looked him in the eyes and mouthed the words.

“Come secretly. He told me to tell you secretly too. Later, don’t say you’re going to see the teacher, just act like you’re going somewhere else and casually go.”

“He gives some complicated orders. Got it.”

Even while muttering sarcastically, Jaehyun replied that he understood.

Jaehyun generally disliked people called teachers, but he didn’t have much animosity toward his homeroom teacher. Because he was one of the few teachers who didn’t hit the students. At the promised time, Jaehyun went up to the faculty office. When he opened the door, the homeroom teacher was sitting at the central desk and raised his hand, saying, “Oh, oh, Jaehyun-ah.”

“Right, did you have a good lunch? Come here for a second. I’m not going to scold you, so don’t be scared.”

“Yes.”

“Hmm, our Jaehyun, you get along so well with your friends. You have a lot of friends, don’t you.”

“Yes, well.”

“The kids who went to middle school with you said so too. That you’re not just good with grades but also very kind and get along with everyone. They said you even took good care of the kids who were being bullied. So, about that… Doyoon. Our class’s Doyoon. What do you think of him?”

“Kang Doyoon?”

“Yeah.”

Jaehyun let out a small sigh. Because he thought he knew why the teacher had called him.

Kang Doyoon. The boy who was an outcast in the class. The teacher probably wanted to ask Jaehyun to, so to speak, look after Doyoon a little. But… Jaehyun thought. In his case, the situation isn’t that simple.

“Doyoon is too much of a loner.”

As Jaehyun hesitated to answer, the teacher asked again.

“He didn’t come down to the cafeteria on time today either, did he? Isn’t he eating alone again?”