ACJY C6

Every time Seonjae moved, eyes followed him, but they didn’t linger for long.

“It’s been a while.”

The old woman who had provided him with the hideout greeted Seonjae warmly.

“No, why are you out here again? It’s dangerous.”

Seonjae held the old woman’s hand and greeted her affectionately.

Even after the demolition was decided, Seonjae had continued to pay the old woman rent for the hideout. Grateful, she would wait for him from morning till dusk, sitting on a blue plastic chair, guarding the house even though he rarely came.

“Dangerous? I’ve lived in this neighborhood my whole life.”

“What good is living here your whole life? There’s not even a rat on the street. And these days, it’s full of crazies. Taking out an old lady like you would be nothing to them.”

“What a terrible thing to worry about.”

The old woman rolled her eyes.

“That’s not what I meant. I’m just saying be careful.”

Seonjae smiled gently and patted the old woman’s hand.

“Here, this is for you.”

He held out a black plastic bag. Without any pretense of refusal, the old woman snatched it and checked the contents.

“Some ginseng drinks and a little spending money. Don’t give it to your children; use it yourself.”

The old woman’s wrinkled face creased into a smile.

“Any suspicious characters around?”

The old woman shook her head vigorously.

“Just like you said, not even a rat. I haven’t even seen any of those punks lately.”

“Really? Haven’t the demolition crew been around either?”

“They used to stop by occasionally until last month, but not anymore. Well, everyone signed the contract, so why would they come here?”

The old woman had been one of the first “people” to sign the redevelopment contract. She, along with the other supporters, had watched the fights between the residents opposing the redevelopment and the demolition thugs like spectators at a circus. Seonjae vividly remembered the old woman pointing at her neighbors, calling them “foolish people” when he had accompanied his uncle to observe, or rather, gawk at the spectacle.

“When did they say the demolition would start?”

“They keep saying next month, next month, that’s all.” Then, as if remembering something, she added, “By the way, when are you going to move your things out? I’m so worried the demolition will start while you’re gone.”

“I came to get them out today.”

“Already?”

Despite having just asked when he would move his things, disappointment was evident on the old woman’s face. He figured she was upset about the money stopping.

Seonjae stepped inside the gate without replying.

The 3.5-story multi-family dwelling, including the semi-basement, stood monstrously, bearing the full weight of its age. It was so poorly constructed that it was a wonder it hadn’t collapsed already.

The old woman had told him she raised four children in this house and saw them all married off. She was kind to Seonjae, but she had also spent her life exploiting her tenants. Seonjae couldn’t understand what kept her lingering here after receiving a hefty compensation for the redevelopment. Then again, maybe he understood her better than he thought. He, who still lived in his old house despite buying an apartment by the Han River, and this old woman, who now lived in a respectable detached house thanks to the compensation money, were probably cut from the same cloth.

His hideout was in the semi-basement, tucked against the outer wall. The place got neither sunlight nor a decent breeze, and the moment he stepped inside, the smell of mildew assaulted his nostrils. The interior was a mess, having received only a single coat of paint before he moved in and subsequently neglected it.

He took out a handkerchief and covered his nose and mouth. He passed through the palm-sized kitchen/living room and headed to the single bedroom. Cockroaches scurried for cover with each step he took, and one unlucky one met its end under his boot. Seonjae casually rubbed the remains of the insect on the floor and squatted in front of the TV stand.

He opened the stand, revealing a custom-made safe fitted perfectly inside. It was an old-fashioned safe that required a combination. He turned the dial five times, alternating directions, and the safe clicked open. Inside were five bundles of 100,000 won bills, each rolled up to the size of a banknote, a car key, and a cell phone identical to the one he was using.

Seonjae unfurled a bundle. He confirmed the five million won in crisp new bills, rolled it back up, and stood. He hadn’t slept, eaten, or lived here, so there was nothing to miss. He just marveled at the old woman for having the audacity to rent out such a dump.

The old woman remained seated on her plastic chair, watching the house even after Seonjae had left. Afraid of becoming like her, Seonjae never looked back.

After making two more stops at other hideouts to retrieve necessary items, he finally headed to the supermarket where his mother worked. His mother, who had lived off the allowance from his uncle in exchange for putting Seonjae up for adoption, had volunteered for a job, wanting to contribute even a little to her useless eldest son. That had been three years ago.

It began to drizzle. The supermarket was fairly busy on a Friday afternoon, but it seemed manageable. Since he was there, he bought two six-packs of beer and some dried snacks. Seonjae carried the shopping basket and walked towards his mother.

His mother was tall enough to be recognizable from a distance. She had been a volleyball player in high school but had said she wasn’t nearly good enough to make the national team. Luckily, with the help of her coach, she got a job at an insurance company after graduation, where she met his father, a clerk.

His mother had fallen in love with his father at first sight. She had always been insecure about her looks, so she was smitten with his father, who was tall and handsome. Unlike the other male employees who spoke carelessly, his father was gentle and refined, a product of his comfortable upbringing in a loving family.

His mother, who had lived in poverty all her life, was tough and resilient, and his father had been drawn to her strong personality. He would sometimes say that his mother was his soulmate, even though he wouldn’t have given her a second glance if his family hadn’t gone bankrupt. In reality, he openly loathed her, yet he still slept with her, and after their third encounter, just before they broke up, his mother got pregnant with his older brother, forcing a shotgun wedding. From then on, he lived off his mother’s coattails, never working a day in his life.

As a child, Seonjae had felt sorry for his mother, who always seemed to be struggling. That’s why he didn’t complain about his brother’s preferential treatment, and he tried to understand why she had given him up for adoption to his uncle. Only as he grew older did he realize that his mother wasn’t pitiful at all. She was a selfish person, just like his father, indifferent to him. Not to mention the unscrupulous woman who profited from selling her own child.

Seonjae deliberately stood in line at his mother’s checkout counter.

His mother’s eyes widened.

“What are you doing here?”

Her voice was strained as she feigned delight.

“I needed a few things, and I thought about how I couldn’t visit last time.”

“Oh… did you? I’ve been forgetful lately.”

His mother mumbled dismissively as she scanned the barcodes.

“You should have come in the evening if you were going to visit.”

“Next time. Do you have a minute? I haven’t had lunch yet.”

“What time is it that you haven’t eaten yet? Make sure you eat properly. Come to think of it, you look like you’ve lost weight.”

She spoke without looking at his face.

“It’ll only take a minute. Come to the food court.”

Seonjae slipped the bag of groceries over his wrist and carried the beer packs in each hand.

The food court was deserted after the lunch rush. He had no intention of eating. The smell of food made him nauseous, so he bought an Americano to settle his stomach and sat down.

About ten minutes later, his mother appeared, having taken off her supermarket vest.

“What about lunch?”

“Nothing really appeals to me.”

“Right? This place is like that.”

His mother complained, looking around the food court with a disgusted expression.

“You don’t know how awful this neighborhood is, do you? And the people… unbelievably vulgar. I need to move out soon; I can’t stand it anymore. Seojin will be starting kindergarten next year, how can he get a proper education in a place like this?”

“Sit down. Don’t stand there making me nervous.”

At Seonjae’s words, his mother perched on the edge of the chair.

“Has your uncle said anything? It’s been over a year since I mentioned the apartment, but he hasn’t said a word. Can you ask him about it?”

He regretted coming. He had just wanted to see her face one last time, but all she talked about was the damn apartment. She seemed oblivious to the wound on Seonjae’s forehead. It wasn’t anything new, but it still stung. I’m your son too, he screamed internally.

Despite being adopted by his uncle and having his name and surname changed, he had lived with his family until he became an adult. Thanks to Seonjae, his mother, who had been supporting the family in his incompetent father’s stead, was able to stop working early and move from a single room to an apartment. She should have favored Seonjae over his older brother. She should have showered him with affection, the pretty boy who looked just like her beloved husband at first sight.

But not once, not even once, had he heard his mother say she loved him. Far from being favored, he hadn’t even received proper care. He’d never heard a “thank you,” a “well done,” a “good job,” or even a simple “sorry,” a word people utter to strangers they bump into on the street. All of his mother’s affection, love, praise, and tenderness were reserved solely for his older brother. That bastard, who resembled his mother in his ugliness, tenacity, and vulgarity, was her only love. He gritted his teeth.

“Why should I? It’s an apartment for my brother anyway. Let him do the asking.”

Seonjae’s reply made his mother’s cheek twitch. The gentle expression she had been trying to maintain turned harsh. She always made that face whenever she was displeased.

“Don’t you feel sorry for your brother? Working so hard for such a meager salary.”

“I’ll be going now.”

He abruptly stood up. The chair screeched loudly.

What had he expected coming here in the first place?

He laughed bitterly.

He hurried out of the stuffy basement and up to the surface. It was raining. Seonjae walked down the street in the rain, pitying himself.

“I have no regrets even if I die.”

He muttered the words, knowing they weren’t appropriate for the situation.

The last vestiges of his lingering attachment vanished completely.