ASIAH 26
by soapa“You virgin otaku bastard, don’t you like short, brown-haired manga characters too? That one…”
Huh? Hyun Jaekyung was reciting the excuse I often use when I have to talk about my type in people. He seemed to be trying to name a character that fit the description, but since he doesn’t watch much manga and probably couldn’t remember what little he saw as a kid, it was a fruitless effort.
I just shrugged and set down my empty glass. The others reacted as if they hadn’t expected me to say anything anyway. The only one left was Hyun Jaekyung, who smirked and acted cheeky.
“…Honestly, I don’t think I have one yet? Have I ever liked someone first?”
“Ugh, what a dick.”
“Honestly, they just flock to me even if I don’t make the first move, so…”
Hyun Jaekyung was chattering on smoothly when his eyes met mine. But he suddenly stopped cold and jerkily downed his penalty shot.
“A dick, but he has a conscience.”
“Honestly, I thought Hyun Jaekyung would be into something like the divorcée next door from his middle school days.”
“Ah, Ha Wonjong, I’m telling you, stop watching such weird manga.”
“I-I don’t watch that much manga.”
“Pretending you don’t all of a sudden won’t work… Next is you, Ha Wonjong.”
Ha Wonjong’s face turned completely red from being called an otaku. It’s not like being an otaku is the same as being a closeted gay man, but he really lives a complicated life. He could have just said he likes Ghibli animations.
“…State your ideal type. For me, it’s a passionate person.”
“Didn’t you just say your ideal type was the divorcée next door?”
“Come to think of it, I don’t hate the idea. But she has to be attractive.”
“If she’s an attractive divorcée, her ex-husband must have been decent in at least one way. I doubt her standards would be low enough to look your way.”
“No, I’m saying the trope is a woman who’s become curious about the taste of a younger man.”
Farewell, hipster. That was the most otaku-like thing said so far. But surprisingly, the others didn’t react much to that comment. Truly incomprehensible.
“I like a funny guy.”
As soon as Yeom Hyejin said that, she added a condition.
“Not a guy who just thinks he’s funny, but someone with real sense and wit. It doesn’t count if his face is funny.”
“Your standards are sky-high. I can’t introduce you to anyone.”
“Ha Wonjong, within your circle of friends, everyone’s a nobody except for Hyun Jaekyung.”
“Ugh, if you and I went on a date, it’d be incest.”
Hyun Jaekyung grimaced and shook his head. Were they able to say all sorts of things to each other because they were so unreserved, like siblings? Ah, these guys are so Hollywood-style. I’m a man of Confucian culture, so I don’t really get this kind of open conversation.
Shin Yeonji said, “Someone I’m not embarrassed to be seen with,” which was strangely realistic and seemed hard to please. It was also a bit funny, but when you hear other people’s ideal types, you can’t help but wonder if you fit the criteria. It’s a reflexive thought, but anyway, as long as I don’t take off my glasses, no one will bother me.
“I like a kind person.”
“That’s so Kim Sanna.”
“Sanna, if a guy’s handsome, that’s what makes him kind.”
“No…”
A kind person? Come to think of it, Sanna called me kind earlier. Surely she doesn’t have feelings for me, right? Just in case, I should probably keep some distance from now on.
Honestly, I was most curious about Hyun Jaekyung’s ideal type. What on earth would the ideal type of such a self-important guy be? Wouldn’t it be some rainbow-colored mirage that doesn’t exist in reality? Maybe he’d come up with an image of a woman so perfect that he’d just get ridiculed.
But Hyun Jaekyung’s answer was this.
“Half the world is women, how can I pick just one ideal type?”
“There it is, the famous line of a total slut.”
He gets ridiculed no matter which way he goes. I had already been drinking my penalty shot, and my eyes briefly met with Hyun Jaekyung’s as he downed his share. But, as expected, the guy immediately looked away.
What’s with him, acting like this all of a sudden?
For some reason, my chest felt tight and frustrated. His strange attitude was making me act strange, too. The thought of bothering a guy who used to bother me just because he seemed to have lost interest in me was a first in my life. That guy must have a talent for making people weird.
“Next, who’s your type in our department? For me, Hyun Jaekyung. Because I think that shell of his, at least, is the real deal.”
Oh, Yeom Hyejin and I have similar taste. No, I just like the guy’s hands, his pale skin tone, his facial features… and his silky black hair.
Hmm.
I drank the penalty shot. It was obvious they’d tease me by shipping me with whomever I named.
“For me, Professor Kang.”
“…Yeonji, you don’t actually see him as a man, do you?”
“Are you crazy? He might be okay if he were about thirty years younger. His speech is gentle and he has a good sense of style.”
“Hmm. I think I get it. What about you, Ha Wonjong?”
“For me, it’s Ms. Ryu Sunhee from the painting department.”
“From our department.”
“I don’t eat rocks just because there’s no rice.”
“This guy is asking for a beating…”
Ha Wonjong and Yeom Hyejin were just like Shin-chan’s mom and Shin-chan, with her always giving him a noogie. It’s usually the bickering types like them who get the happy ending in those dating shows. No, wait, if that were the case, Hyun Jaekyung and I would have the best shot.
…Wait, what kind of thought is this?
“What about Kim Sanna?”
The one who asked, Hyun Jaekyung, looked a little sleepy. It made sense, since he’d been exercising, dancing, singing, and partying so hard. Kim Sanna paused for a surprisingly long time before speaking.
“…Jooyoon.”
“What?”
Hyun Jaekyung’s eyes widened, and so did mine. Does being handsome mean there’s nothing you can do, even with the loner concept? But Kim Sanna has never seen me without my glasses. Did she feel some kind of handsome aura?
The atmosphere was bound to get awkward if I let it go on, so just as I was about to brush it off with a simple “Thanks,” Hyun Jaekyung suddenly piped up.
“Fell for the white knight, she totally fell. Earlier when I came back from my smoke break, they were all cutesy-cutesy…”
Thanks to his taunting, I forgot what I was going to say and snapped back.
“Stop milking the white knight thing. The one who did it most properly was you, wasn’t it? Then shouldn’t you be super into me, too?”
“……”
“Well said, Jooyoon~.”
The cause of the whole situation stayed silent and drank his penalty shot. Yeom Hyejin, who was glaring at the sight, kicked Hyun Jaekyung’s knee as he sat cross-legged.
“You could have at least passed the turn to me. It’s not like she said she likes you or wants to date you, it’s just her type.”
“Hyejin, please. I told you, if we did that, it’d be incest, okay?”
“But why have Hyun Jaekyung and Jooyoon been the only ones drinking this whole time? It’s not like they’re difficult questions. Are you two secretly dating?”
“Ah!”
Hyun Jaekyung shot up as if he were about to lunge at Shin Yeonji, but then pounced on the hipster instead. As the guy theatrically pinned him by brutally twisting his arm behind his back, the others snickered. I didn’t think Kim Sanna would laugh, but seeing that even he was, I felt really bad for Ha Wonjong.
“Ha Wonjong, get on the ground.”
“Ah, I’m kidding, it’s a total lie!”
“Oppa will show you Hong Kong.”
“Someone, stop him…!”
After teasing Ha Wonjong to his heart’s content, Hyun Jaekyung kicked his butt and then adjusted his pants, which he had been pretending to take off.
…I don’t need to take what Kim Sanna said seriously, right? Yeom Hyejin also said she didn’t want to date Hyun Jaekyung, he was just her type. It’d be really awkward if I took a lighthearted comment so seriously. Neither Kim Sanna nor I are the ‘cool’ type like the rest of them, but…
Hyun Jaekyung seemed used to these kinds of topics and accustomed to brushing them off as jokes. If he liked someone, would he take their blunt and vulgar talk seriously and go to a motel?
That thought put me in an even worse mood. My throat was dry, so I drank the alcohol in front of me, which happened to be a mixed penalty shot. As luck would have it, it had been Kim Sanna’s turn.
“Ooh… The white knight is on fire, huh?”
“Jooyoon, if you keep this up, you’re trying to start something with Kim Sanna. Can you take responsibility?”
“What?”
“Nah, that’s just a habit of his. Earlier, before Eunha noona left, he drank for her during something, too. He’s just a trash can for booze.”
Thanks, hipster. But Hyun Jaekyung, who had been quiet, added a spiteful comment.
“Isn’t he just trying to look good to the girls?”
At that, Shin Yeonji and Yeom Hyejin roared in protest.
“In a world overflowing with ugly guys with high-and-mighty attitudes, we should be thankful if they even try to look good.”
“What’s this, Jooyoon… Why are your actions so handsome? Huh?”
It was a little embarrassing. Yeom Hyejin, her face flushed, was even grinning as she tried to take off my glasses.
“Who knows, if we get rid of everything covering his face, he might be surprisingly handsome.”
“Please don’t touch my glasses. I might be a pretty girl with a glasses-attribute, but I’m not that.”
“Ah…”
Hmm. Actually, it’s just a different genre, but I am a handsome guy with a glasses-attribute. But even though everyone was tipsy and excited, the mood turned considerably chilly. Even the hipster patted my shoulder, which felt strange.
“A handsome personality and a walking chastity belt, all in one.”
“Even if he got on his knees and begged me to take off his glasses, I’d never want to touch them…”
Hyun Jaekyung, who had shot up as if to do something, also stealthily sat back down. He made a face like he’d just stepped in shit, then held out his glass to me.
“Yoon, can you drink Jaekyung’s alcohol?”
“What are you talking about?”
“The first time as a white knight is hard, but the second time isn’t. You kept doing it for Sanna.”
“No, I’m full too.”
Hyun Jaekyung’s eyes turned pouty. To think I’d end up using such a word for a big guy like him. But I couldn’t find a more fitting expression.
“Since Jooyoon won’t drink for me, I guess I have no choice. I’ll just drink this and drop dead.”
How can he be so detestable? While I was dumbfounded, the others stopped Hyun Jaekyung.
“Hey, you really have no conscience. In terms of volume, the alcohol Jooyoon drank for you is probably more than everything you’ve drunk today combined.”
“But for a game of Truth or Dare, it’s no fun if everyone just keeps drinking.”
“Hyun Jaekyung, you’re the type who doesn’t turn anyone away, so why are you chugging penalty shots? And why are you making such a fuss, asking Jooyoon to drink for you?”
When Yeom Hyejin snapped at him, Hyun Jaekyung tapped his ears with both hands and made a sound like “Ah- ah-.” Just then, Ha Wonjong and Yeom Hyejin exchanged a look, and I knew instantly that they were about to team up on Hyun Jaekyung. Ha Wonjong suddenly spoke in an arrogant tone.
“Exactly… I guess he’s gotten his act together recently. Seriously, wow…”