ASIAH 28

“What are you talking about? Are you mad because I can hold my liquor better than you?”

“Fuck, it’s because I don’t know anything! Everything’s so fucked up because of you…”

“Fucked up because of me? It’s because of you. Just when I think you might be a decent guy, you always blame others like this, you curse, and you toy with people. The one who’s really fucked up is you.”

Hey, hey, Jooyoon, what are you doing? Saying something like that makes you seem desperate, doesn’t it? No, before that, this is completely out of the blue and the atmosphere is getting weird, isn’t it?

It was obvious from Hyun Jaekyung’s expression that he was thinking, ‘What the hell is that bastard saying right now?’ But my mouth was out of my control.

“Acting friendly one moment and then ignoring me the next… Forget it, it’s stupid of me to expect anything from you.”

“Hey… what are you talking about? You’re the one who was acting like that, weren’t you? At the orientation…”

“I’m telling you, I’m not interested in you, I don’t like you! Me acting friendly to you when we came here? I did it so you could see how it feels.”

Even to my own ears, my voice was filled with anger and resentment. Instead of answering, Hyun Jaekyung just glared at me and then spat out.

“You would’ve been happy if I’d drowned in the valley back then, wouldn’t you.”

All of a sudden? Isn’t that a bit of a logical leap?

I used our size difference to corner Hyun Jaekyung by the edge of the valley. He’s just talking nonsense to fluster me because he wants to win the argument.

“Why don’t you try it? That valley back then was all dried up, so you couldn’t have drowned even if you jumped.”

“…Really? This one has a bit more water. It’s perfect.”

“Huh…? Hey!”

That attention-seeking bastard! Hyun Jaekyung threw himself into the water just like that.

Diving is forbidden even in a regular swimming pool that’s about 1.35 meters deep because it’s dangerous. It’s not just because of the depth, though. On top of that, this was a valley where we didn’t even know what the bottom was like. To not even hesitate to do something self-destructive just to torment others—this is why I call him a self-harming extortionist.

When I came to my senses, I was, to my chagrin, in the water with him. I couldn’t just stand there stupidly and watch him fall into the valley twice. Not that I could have pulled off some great action-movie rescue, but I have no idea why I did it. Fortunately, we at least avoided a situation where someone broke something by hitting a rock.

“You stupid bastard.”

“You’re giving me shit even after I saved you!”

“Saved you, my ass…”

As if he had a last shred of conscience, Hyun Jaekyung struggled to push me toward the water’s edge. I watched his desperate face for a moment, then calmly righted my posture. As soon as I straightened my bent legs, my feet comfortably touched the bottom. Hyun Jaekyung, finally seeming to grasp the situation, stood up falteringly, his face bright red.

I adjusted my slightly crooked glasses and then pulled the resisting guy up onto a rock. Hyun Jaekyung, who was drunk, tired, and had just been splashing around in the water, was completely drained of energy.

“The virgin loser thinks he’s something, talking to me like that…”

His mouth isn’t tired, I see. And on top of that, I was the one who, in effect, just saved him, and I have to listen to insults like that? In a sudden surge of anger, I grabbed him by the collar, pushed him down on the ground, and sat on top of him.

“You punk, just when I’m about to see you in a good light, you ruin it with your own hands. I can just imagine your upbringing.”

Was that too harsh? What if his family situation is bad? But if it were really bad, he probably wouldn’t have come to a private university for an arts and physical education major. Didn’t Ha Wonjong also say Hyun Jaekyung had a lot of money? Since he’s always dripping with accessories, frequently changes his clothes, and goes around splashing money on drinks and even suite accommodations.

“……”

Hyun Jaekyung was completely unresponsive. Say something. We can’t stay in this standoff until the sun is high in the sky. If I had ever picked a fight before, I would have known how to end it, but I felt like an idiot.

Should I say “Watch yourself,” and pat his shoulder as I get up? I feel like I’d get a dropkick for that.

While I was at a complete loss for what to do, Hyun Jaekyung’s hand reached up to push my chest, then faltered and dropped. I reflexively grabbed his wrist.

“Ugh…!”

The force with which he pulled away was something else. But then he clutched his right wrist and curled up. Come to think of it, he had been reacting very sensitively whenever I touched his hand since earlier, but considering he was playing basketball, he only makes a fuss when someone else touches it.

To count all the times this guy has had a fit, there was the time we were making molds with clay in Basic Design, and he was just always a pain in the ass even before that. Plus, didn’t he get all the sympathy by pretending to have an ankle injury, only to be flying around the foot-volleyball court? With his bandage flapping around as if to mock me.

Still… could he actually be hurt?

“Fuck, I told you not to get mad… It’s so annoying!”

Hyun Jaekyung’s words snapped me to my senses, and as soon as they did, I felt wronged. Why doesn’t this guy think about what he’s done? Instead of helping him up or offering a hand, I just watched him with a hardened expression.

If someone were to apologize here, it should be Hyun Jaekyung. Because he’s been toying with my emotions, making me expect something for no reason, and constantly making me worry about him. If it weren’t for this bastard, my college life would have been a series of peaceful days.

It was full-on spring and all that, but after taking a dip in the valley at dawn, it was a bit cold. As I stubbornly waited in the mount position, I started getting incredibly sleepy and just wanted to give up. So, I was just about to stealthily get up.

“Ah!”

But as soon as I turned and took a step, Hyun Jaekyung swept my ankle. I flailed and fell, but thankfully the damp dirt ground was soft. As I was looking at something like weeds by the water’s edge, I was grabbed by the collar and dragged. Hyun Jaekyung’s eyes, when I faced him, were red around the edges.

Is he crying? No way.

…Ah! He said he has a severe alcohol allergy.

As I was inwardly accepting this, Hyun Jaekyung blurted out.

“…I’m sorry.”

“Huh?”

Honestly, I had been hoping for an apology from Hyun Jaekyung, but I hadn’t expected it. Moreover, Hyun Jaekyung’s attitude was the most sincere I had ever seen from him, so I was completely flustered.

“Originally, I was going to say it when we went to Cheonhabong, but they said it’s not easy.”

“…Say what?”

“Just, about me constantly messing with you even though you don’t even like me. I’m sorry for hurting your feelings.”

What is this? Does the valley water contain some ingredient that turns beasts into humans? Isn’t this where Ungnyeo trained and became a human? It was a situation so difficult to imagine, even if I were reborn a hundred times, that I kept trying to escape reality.

When I looked at Hyun Jaekyung’s face again, the morning sunlight caught on his lowered eyelids and eyelashes like golden threads. The mountain shadow, which had seemed desolate, made Hyun Jaekyung’s face stand out.

He was now on top of my torso, just as I had been on his earlier. As soon as I became newly aware of his weight, the chilly air felt like a tropical night, and my lips became parched and my throat dry. Just as I was about to grab his shoulders, the guy spoke again.

“And you went too far, too.”

“…Me?”

“Do you think I’m a fucking pushover?”

Hyun Jaekyung suddenly burst out in anger.

“Fuck, if you talk like that, it’ll hurt guys who like guys, or even women… even a woman who wants to sleep with you before marriage.”

He seems to have a lot pent up? But I didn’t know what he was talking about, and seeing him get all worked up by himself was rather bewildering.

“What… What did you say?”

“You said you wouldn’t like me even if I were a woman. You asked me if I was gay.”

You were the one who started it by asking if I was a homo, weren’t you?

…I really, really wanted to snap back at him, but I held it in. Since this was a moment where the one and only Hyun Jaekyung was yielding to me first, it seemed best to be satisfied with this. And it occurred to me that the guy’s actions, which had seemed so macho, might have been a reaction born from a defensive instinct.

“…Hyun Jaekyung, are you gay?”

Hyun Jaekyung’s cheeks were pale. It was probably natural since he’d just been in the water. The guy stared at me silently, then answered as if chewing on the words.

“Am I crazy? Does a gay man who likes women make any sense?”

“……”

“Just try saying something like that one more time.”

So, bi? I barely managed not to ask because Hyun Jaekyung’s face turned beet red. The guy continued in an even more agitated tone.

“Do you have any idea how many gay people there are in the design college? A hyung I know is gay, too.”

“Oh, oooh…”

“As it is, that hyung had a hard time because he fell for a normal guy who likes women. You can’t just talk so lightly about it.”

I was literally, truly dumbfounded. Since it’s a design college, these kinds of topics come up more freely than one might think, but the fact that it was Hyun Jaekyung who said it was so peculiar. Hyun Jaekyung, from Texas City, South Gyeongsang Province, was now talking as if he’d been drinking Californian water.

In any case, I was relieved to see some color return to that paper-white face. I grabbed his waist to get him off me, and Hyun Jaekyung quickly stood up and added.

“I know I’ve been careless until now, but you should be more careful from now on, too.”

“…Right, I went too far with my words, too.”

I meekly took the hand Hyun Jaekyung offered and stood up. He’s not pulling away and pretending to be hurt this time. In that case, how about trying to distinguish when he fusses over his left hand versus his right?

…Let’s stop trying to figure out the extent of Hyun Jaekyung’s lies while we’re in the middle of making up.

We walked like a pair of drowned rats. Looking at Hyun Jaekyung a few steps ahead, the outlines of his entire body were faintly visible through his clinging clothes.

Did Hyun Jaekyung really give me shit out of concern for that hyung he knows?

And not just because he was pissed off and venting his hysteria? Whatever Hyun Jaekyung’s intentions were, he acted like a punk all the same.

As the pension building grew closer, the surroundings became even brighter. The back of Hyun Jaekyung’s head was small and round, and his shoulders were squarely balanced.

As I walked while looking at the back of his heels, I felt a pressure to say something about the progressive issue from just now. Where the other classmates couldn’t hear. So I opened my mouth sheepishly.

“Hey, Hyun Jaekyung. It’s not that I hate that kind of thing or anything…”

“Huh?”

“The same sex.”

“Ah, uh…”

My throat suddenly went dry, and my voice came out cracked. I forced out one more sentence.

“It’s just, as long as a person like that doesn’t like me, I don’t care.”

Hyun Jaekyung, who had turned around, squinted. It was because I was standing with the rising sun at my back.

The guy was silent for what felt like a slightly long time, then grinned.

“Don’t be ridiculous, gay guys have eyes too. This bastard has a princess complex.”

His face, bathed in the direct sunlight, shone so brightly that even his haggardness was hidden. The afterimage of one dimple lingered for a long time.