ASIAH 39

When I lay down, I felt like I was coming down with something, but when I woke up, it wasn’t so bad. As sleep receded, my resentment toward Jooyoon revived, and I wanted to stimulate his guilt somehow. So, on my slightly early way to school, I bought some bandages.

As always, Jooyoon was the first to arrive at the studio.

“What’s that?”

What kind of greeting is that? Jooyoon was much less talkative than the night before, but he acted less awkward than before. It seemed he really was planning to treat me generously until I got better. Hyun Jaekyung enjoyed the situation, playing with Jooyoon all day long, and in the end, even got him to buy him lunch. While it was enjoyable, he felt an unexplainable sense of anxiety.

“Oh.”

While eating, he dropped the chopsticks he was holding. Hyun Jaekyung hid his surprise and fiddled with the new fork Jooyoon brought him. He thought his wrist had been throbbing, but it was fine now, so it was probably nothing.

“Because of you, I can’t even drink. I’m ruined.”

“You drank the dongdongju just fine.”

“No, I have to go far away from school to drink. I get really lonely, so I need to make friends. You can only become friends after getting drunk together.”

“Not friends, but fuck buddies.”

For the word ‘fuck buddy’ to come out of Jooyoon’s mouth. I didn’t even know if this was what he was usually like. When I provoked him by saying something like, “You’re a virgin, right?” Jooyoon scowled and then clammed up completely.

If it had been Hyun Jaekyung, he would have definitely refuted such a remark and then gone on to tell a string of heroic tales, but Jooyoon acted like he was the only clean one until the very end. On top of that, he even called Hyun Jaekyung a slut.

‘It’s so unfair…’

I had no idea why he was being like this only to me. If he hadn’t done what he did at the orientation party, I wouldn’t have cared about Jooyoon’s way of thinking.

Was that why? Why I ended up spouting nonsense like I was going to try to be friends with him, or that I knew he was a warm person. The moment he said those words, Hyun Jaekyyung felt a wave of shame and completely lost his appetite.

The relatively narrowed distance with Jooyoon was an intimacy gained through lies. Was it just the non-existent ankle injury? Hadn’t he also lied about having to go to Cheonha Peak instead of Guun Peak? I tried to think about how to prevent the lies from leaking out, but the only solutions that came to mind were things like assassinating Professor Kang.

‘No, can’t I tell a few lies?’

Jooyoon had messed with Hyun Jaekyung so much, so why couldn’t Hyun Jaekyung do the same? All I had to do was say, “You just figured that out? You fuu~cking idiot,” and it would be over.

In the end, he put all his worries aside and spent a week pretending to have an injury that Jooyoon would be concerned about, and, as expected, his lie was exposed in Professor Kang’s class. Hyun Jaekyung deliberately avoided looking at Jooyoon, who was right beside him.

‘After all the shit I’ve eaten, I can dish some out too.’

Right, couldn’t he, the one who had been the victim all this time, do at least that much? Hyun Jaekyung feigned coolness and gave Jooyoon a crooked smile.

“What are you going to do? You already hated me, and now you won’t even speak to me.”

But no answer came back. Hyun Jaekyung took that as a premature declaration of severing ties and acted as obnoxiously as he pleased. He, who had been limping with acting talent summoned from a past life just that morning, hastily joined the afternoon foot volleyball practice.

During the game, he even excitedly unwrapped the bandage from his ankle and threw it. Throughout the practice, he laughed and raised his voice, pretending to be in a better mood than necessary.

“Jaekyung’s fire shoot is coming~!”

In the end, Jooyoon didn’t even come to confront him. Didn’t that mean that to Jooyoon, Hyun Jaekyung was also a meaningless person?

Thinking that far, Hyun Jaekyung became the most depressed he’d been since getting his ID card. After going through so many things together, for it to amount to only that much. What was it about Ha Wonjong or sunbae Keum Juri or Eunha noona and all the rest that made them better than Hyun Jaekyung to Jooyoon?

‘You said I was your type!’

Having such thoughts was also a big problem. Hyun Jaekyung had never wanted to look good to Jooyoon, nor did he have any reason to. Of course, he had dressed up for a while because he didn’t want to feel inferior, but was that for Jooyoon’s benefit? Of course not, it was just an act of cherishing himself.

Uninspired time passed, and soon it was the class where they kneaded clay. Hyun Jaekyung, listlessly fiddling with the clay, paid full attention to Jooyoon and Ha Wonjong’s whispering. Ha Wonjong was sitting behind Jooyoon, and Hyun Jaekyung was sitting to Jooyoon’s left, yet only the two of them, excluding Hyun Jaekyung, were excited.

‘Should I watch some anime or something, too?’

What should I watch? <Pororo>? Should I search for ‘Introduction to Otaku Culture’ or something?

A brief moment of consideration ended with ‘Why should I?’ But then Ha Wonjong suddenly spoke to him.

“Hyun Jaekyung, want to switch seats with me?”

What is he talking about? So annoying. Next time we go out to hang, I’m going to embarrass him in front of the girls. The erectile dysfunction problem hadn’t been solved yet, but humiliating Ha Wonjong was a separate matter. As Hyun Jaekyung was putting all sorts of curses on him by himself, Jooyoon spoke to him as if to grant him a crumb of attention.

“What are you making?”

But at just that simple question, his heart completely softened. He had thought he would be furious, but for him to speak to me first was almost overwhelming.

Meanwhile, he remembered Ha Wonjong asking to switch seats earlier, and the thought that if Jooyoon moved, everything would be ruined, came to mind. He didn’t know what would be ruined, but anyway, he had to keep Jooyoon next to him.

“Your hand. If you move it, you’re dead.”

Right, if I made a cast of his hand, I could keep Jooyoon tied down. In the reverse situation, Hyun Jaekyung would have ruined Jooyoon’s work without any hesitation, but Jooyoon wasn’t that kind of guy. Hyun Jaekyung encouraged himself and slowly applied the clay to Jooyoon’s hand.

But then Jooyoon suddenly grabbed his right hand, and in that moment, his wrist throbbed again. Hyun Jaekyung, who had reflexively shaken him off, saw Jooyoon’s expression harden and forced a smile.

“The right hand, you punk, I have to be able to look at my phone. There are so many girls waiting for their oppa to contact them.”

“Ah, yes.”

Jooyoon gruffly took Hyun Jaekyung’s left hand and touched someone else’s hand in a somewhat perverted way. Since Hyun Jaekyung was wearing many rings, it was natural that he would have to take them off one by one. Though I didn’t know why he was taking each one off himself. Maybe it was because he was trying to make a delicate cast.

Hyun Jaekyung thought of various reasons and tried his best to calm his heart. As he was maintaining or at least feigning composure as much as possible, everyone from Yeom Hyejin to Ha Wonjong started teasing the two of them.

Asking if this Hyun Jaekyung and that Jooyoon were dating.

“Fuck, what am I lacking to be dating a gloomy otaku bastard like this?”

As Hyun Jaekyung roared, the classroom became very quiet. He himself knew all too well that he had overreacted, and he wanted to find a hole to crawl into.

After the commotion passed awkwardly, Hyun Jaekyung tried to clear away the clay slab. His left hand was still being held, so he tried to move it with only his right hand, but it throbbed again, causing him to drop it. And of all things, it landed on top of what Jooyoon had made.

‘Per… what was it? I’m fucked.’

He had definitely heard them talking excitedly about it with Ha Wonjong earlier, but he’d forgotten. Hyun Jaekyung experienced a moment of confusion, then gave up on everything and smashed even the clay Jooyoon had covered his left hand with.

“It was ruined anyway because I was fidgeting with my hand. Let’s just pull an all-nighter.”

Hyun Jaekyung couldn’t understand why he was doing this either, but he had a vague belief that if the two of them were left alone, something would be resolved. Meanwhile, the fact that Jooyoon’s mood seemed better than expected was so reassuring that it was absurd even to himself.

After class, they went to a bakery together, and Jooyoon bought a croissant sandwich and coffee. That menu choice seemed somehow a little cool. Was it because his hidden face was handsome? Whether a guy’s face was handsome or not was none of Hyun Jaekyung’s business.

Back in the studio, while making the cast of his hand, he became conscious of the silence. Jooyoon’s hand applying the clay was warm, and being in contact with it calmed his heart. It was a peacefulness he hadn’t felt in a long time, even in a situation where he would have normally flinched.

Every time their fingers touched, there was a jolt, but he didn’t break out in a cold sweat or freeze up completely. Maybe it was because Hyun Jaekyung had overcome Jooyoon. Right, he had been worrying too much about something that was nothing to be afraid of.

Strangely, he didn’t crave a cigarette.

“Oh, you two are at it again. Jooyoon, won’t you make something with me?”

The brief peace was immediately shattered. Ha Wonjong, who had never said he would pull an all-nighter, suddenly showed up. From some point on, Hyun Jaekyung had started to feel like Ha Wonjong was a sneaky bastard who was always stealing his share.

Jooyoon laughed so hard, as if his conversation with Ha Wonjong was incredibly enjoyable, a sight Hyun Jaekyung had never seen before. The two of them even ganged up to tease Hyun Jaekyung.

‘It’s not funny at all.’

In his head, he had already thrown a fit and then some, but the best way to deal with this kind of thing was to not react, to take the wind out of their sails. Also, there was no need to make Jooyoon and Ha Wonjong’s moods completely shitty here. But he just couldn’t let it go when Ha Wonjong, who had been bothering him continuously, pretended to be diligent and threw away the mask that was on the worktable while cleaning.

“The mask?”

“Fuck, do you know what that is!”

Is he trying to be a dickhead to a dangerous degree in school today? But what was I supposed to do when I couldn’t stand it?

But then Jooyoon asked what kind of mask it was that I was getting so angry about. With a bewildered expression, as if he knew nothing! It was obvious he thought I was a crazy guy making a fuss over a single mask. But that mask was one that Jooyoon had given to Hyun Jaekyung while he was watching the cleaning.

The guy who couldn’t even remember that was trying to mediate the fight by handing over a spare mask. It made me so angry I couldn’t understand it, and I was resentful, and finally, I even became sad. Wouldn’t it be difficult to react like that unless you were exceptionally uninterested?

To make matters worse, even that bastard Ha Wonjong openly read the room and left. Then this would all become Hyun Jaekyung’s fault again. It was obvious.