ASIAH 40

The studio was quiet until Jooyoon spoke again. In fact, he was a little surprised, since he hadn’t expected him to speak again at all.

“Right hand.”

It seemed his own work was most important to Jooyoon, as he tried to make a cast of the hand again. Even though Hyun Jaekyung had been so annoying. But then that bastard Jooyoon, of all things, yanked on the right hand that had been acting strange, and the most intense pain he’d felt so far shot through him.

“…”

Swinging his arm and ruining the clay assignment—not just once, but twice—was, even to himself, a bit much. Jooyoon, too, exploded in anger.

“Cut it out. If you don’t want to, just say so.”

I think I hurt my right hand a little. But since I’d already gotten on his bad side by pretending to limp, he wouldn’t believe me. Besides, it had been fine usually, so I didn’t know if my right hand was in this state because of what happened on the mountain, if I’d twisted it playing foot volleyball, or if it happened in my sleep.

“…It’s just that—”

In the brief moment he hesitated, wondering whether to tell the truth, Jooyoon cut him off firmly.

“You have a real shitty personality.”

Shitty? You want me to show you what’s really shitty? Hyun Jaekyung lost his temper and shouted.

“Fuck, my leg is half-crippled, so what do you expect me to do? Why do you just yank people around?”

“If your leg hurts that much, why didn’t you just walk around on your hands? You were flying around during foot volleyball. Every time you open your mouth, it’s a lie.”

He shouldn’t have brought up his leg. But when he needed an excuse to push back, his ankle was the only thing that reflexively came to mind. After all, it was Jooyoon who had said Hyun Jaekyung’s ankle seemed to be hurt after the hike that day. Hadn’t he stroked it and massaged it for him?

After the argument subsided, he was sure that they would really start ignoring each other now, but Jooyoon was a guy whose actions were truly unpredictable. He insisted on making a cast of Hyun Jaekyung’s hand. Was the fight just now no big deal to Jooyoon?

“Then you take off your pants.”

Not wanting to show weakness and not wanting to lose, Hyun Jaekyung was being stubborn. But nothing was as infuriating as Jooyoon’s next question.

“…But why are you so interested in me? What was the trigger that made you see me in such a shitty way?”

“Saw you in a shitty way?”

“You follow me around and harass me every day. I don’t even remember my first impression of you.”

What was this nonsense now? Is he saying he wants to solidify it as something that never happened, when someone is still like this because of that first impression? Or does it mean that to Jooyoon, Hyun Jaekyung is a person not even worth paying attention to?

The atmosphere had gotten a little better lately, so I thought we could at least be friends, but is that not it either?

As his anger flared up, tears started to well up again. He definitely wasn’t the type to cry so much, but whenever he felt resentful toward Jooyoon, his nose would suddenly start to tingle. Once the tears started, his words came out stupidly, his voice sounded foolish, and he would sniffle, so he couldn’t show this side of himself to anyone.

Hyun Jaekyung stormed out of the room and ran to the dormitory. Damn it, his ankle was really fine, but his right hand, which he was using to wipe his tears, was throbbing, making him even more miserable. Every time he ran into someone, he hung his head low like a criminal, and only when he reached his dorm room did he cry his heart out.

He had no idea what he had done wrong to end up in this state. At first, he hated Jooyoon so much he wanted to kill him, but from some point on, he wanted to look good to him, and he wanted him to show some affection in return. Sometimes, when he paid attention to Hyun Jaekyung, a thrill would shoot through him, and he would almost lose his mind.

But today, he had ruined everything.

After a good cry, he went to sleep, and when he woke up, his wrist was better, so he didn’t go to the hospital. If it was going to hurt, it should have hurt enough to make him bedridden. But now, even if he insisted that he was really hurt, he wouldn’t be able to move Jooyoon.

In that case, let’s really not care anymore. With the clearest head he’d had since the orientation party, Hyun Jaekyung made that resolution. And after doing so, he even started to look forward to the MT. Hyun Jaekyung was a cool guy who lacked nothing, so all he had to do was have a blast drinking with his classmates, excluding Jooyoon.

‘It was a stupid thing to do.’

He had suddenly gone crazy and given Jooyoon some special treatment, but that was over now. By the time Jooyoon realized that he was the only one who couldn’t approach Hyun Jaekyung, it would be too late.

‘Fuck…’

As he thought about it, he couldn’t be more clingy and pathetic.

Let’s just forget everything and focus on having fun. He had to forget about the problem that arose in bed and his body’s overly tense reaction when he encountered Jooyoon. When he went to the MT, there would also be the talent show, his favorite part.

Hyun Jaekyung left the dormitory with a light step. As his mood improved, even Ha Wonjong didn’t seem annoying at all, so he maintained a gentle attitude, unlike the day before. When he approached him cheerfully first, he could see the tense Ha Wonjong relax.

He could usually take control of the atmosphere like this no matter who he was dealing with, but it was only in front of Jooyoon that it didn’t work. But this was the normal track. The world didn’t look beautiful, but it wasn’t bad. He just hoped this enjoyable time would continue.

“Let’s go together.”

“What?”

That’s how it was until Jooyoon tried to act friendly. After that, his mind was hazy, as if it were separated from his body. At least exercising, in the name of a practice game, made him feel better, and eating, drinking, and playing made him feel a little more refreshed.

Meanwhile, Jooyoon abandoned his previous attitude of hating Hyun Jaekyung to death and kept prodding him. Thanks to that, Hyun Jaekyung also completely forgot his resolution to treat Jooyoon as if he didn’t exist.

As he devoted all his energy to livening up the MT atmosphere, he just felt good. But seeing Jooyoon keep drinking Kim Sanna’s penalty shots on her behalf stimulated his temper.

‘Come to think of it, brown hair, short, and so on… that’s Kim Sanna, isn’t it?’

It was when a few of them were sitting around and playing after the group drinking game was over. Jooyoon, as if he wasn’t tired of it, spouted again that he had never been drunk.

“Virgins, fold.”

But unexpectedly, Jooyoon folded. Then again, looking at the atmosphere, it seemed like Hyun Jaekyung was the only one who really thought Jooyoon wouldn’t fold. In that case, did it really mean that Jooyoon wasn’t Hyun Jaekyung’s fucking bastard?

If a heavy-drinking virgin is like that, isn’t he a born son of a bitch?

Hyun Jaekyung fell into his own confusion again, then rolled up his sleeves to get Jooyoon to drink. And then he was a thousand times more flustered by Jooyoon, who drank the basin of bomb shots for him.

After the finger-folding game, those who had briefly scattered to rest or smoke gathered in the living room again. The first thing that caught Hyun Jaekyung’s eye as he entered the living room was the sight of Jooyoon taking care of Kim Sanna.

“Are you taking care of her again because you were her black knight? Our Yoonie’s manners are really something else.”

Hyun Jaekyung knew his voice was extremely sharp, but he didn’t try to fix it. But then Jooyoon suddenly wrapped an arm around Hyun Jaekyung’s shoulder and whispered in his ear.

“I was your black knight, too.”

The moist breath touching the shell of his ear was warm, and the low voice vibrated through his whole body. When facing the unknown, curiosity and fear come at the same time. That bastard Jooyoon was truly unpredictable and uninterpretable, but this was the closest he’d seen to how he was at the orientation party.

But then again, seeing him outside with Kim Sanna, I couldn’t stand it without separating them.

Jooyoon seemed like a proper virgin, true to his concept, and also like the slut Hyun Jaekyung suspected him to be. From the way he talked, he seemed to like women, but the way he reached out to or looked at Hyun Jaekyung made it seem like he could be into men too.

It was hard to be sure which it was, but he would rather die than ask him directly. The moment he asked something like that, he felt like his weakness would be exposed. He didn’t know what his weakness was, but at this point, he didn’t have the confidence to ask such a question.

Because Jooyoon pretended not to know, Hyun Jaekyung was also losing his brakes. If only he could, he would have liked to set aside a day to talk calmly. Because he couldn’t be more tired of testing each other and assigning meaning to every single word and action.

It was one thing to beat around the bush, but to provoke by scratching with his nails, it was driving him crazy.

‘I’m tired.’

In fact, while watching him with hatred, Jooyoon’s appearance had changed a lot. His quiet, gentle movements sometimes seemed even slower, as if in slow motion. Hearing the voice that used to only infuriate him now sent shivers down his spine.

Being with a guy who didn’t think about showing off to others was more comfortable than he had expected. The ‘acting nice’ that seemed like hypocrisy was novel, and then it even began to seem precious.

There were times when knowing about his double life felt like a secret only he knew, and it made him vaguely happy. Enough to forget about things like holding a weakness over him. There were even times when the people who were only infatuated with his appearance seemed pathetic. And then he would become anxious, feeling like he, too, needed to know Jooyoon’s interests.

That must be because Hyun Jaekyung’s perspective had changed.

And yet.

In the animal kingdom where Hyun Jaekyung grew up, if you let your guard down for even a moment, you’d just get bitten to death. He had never had a serious conversation with someone of the same sex with mutual respect and without being on edge, nor had he ever thought it would be possible.

He wasn’t the type to be overly conscious of others or to think too much, but it was also a habit to constantly think about the intentions of those who might harm him.

The biggest problem of all was that Hyun Jaekyung was drunk.

On alcohol, and on his own thoughts.

To the point where he didn’t have the strength to control his temper, to the point where he didn’t realize why he felt strange when he heard the question about his first love and looked at Jooyoon, to the point where he didn’t know why it was unpleasant to see Jooyoon getting close to other people, to the point where it was difficult to observe Jooyoon’s changed attitude….