ASIAH 49

Hyun Jaekyung thanking me! It was hard to describe; there was embarrassment and joy, but it definitely felt strange. Taking advantage of the moment, my momentarily silent mouth was let loose and blabbered on its own.

“Ah. Of course, the amount of alcohol I can break down is more than…”

“Never mind that, I’m also a bit sorry for making a scene.”

“A scene…?”

“Well, this and that…”

An apology even before he’s had a drink? So he did know that his various atrocities were considered making a scene. My memory of the MT is hazy, but my clothes being wet was probably because I went into the valley, and the culprit must have been Hyun Jaekyung. At this point, I even started to think, what would I do without Hyun Jaekyung to blame?

I wanted to ask what incident at what point he considered a scene, but a sense of tact suddenly emerged, and I was able to hold back. I couldn’t just pour cold water on this reconciliatory mood.

“I thought you were a total psycho too, but after seeing you for a while, I realized that’s not always the case.”

“Well, I’ll be.”

Hyun Jaekyung chuckled at my words, then lowered his eyes and took a sip of wine. His eyelashes were the kind that made me want to stroke them with a finger. As he opened his mouth, the scent of wine, which must have also been in front of me, grew stronger.

“The reason I kept calling you out to drink… I told you, didn’t I, that you have to drink to get close to people. I’ve only ever made friends at drinking parties, so I didn’t know you’d hate that kind of thing.”

“…That can happen.”

Before, just looking at Hyun Jaekyung made me want to beat him up, stuff him in a sack, and cast him adrift in the Pacific Ocean. Who would have known it would turn out like this? Despite being a pacifist, I had felt that impulse a hundred times a day.

But watching him apologize so sincerely, rather than feeling like a nagging tooth had been pulled, a part of my heart felt heavy. I feel like I should be enjoying this moment, but why?

Right, what reason would I have had to receive thanks or an apology in a serious atmosphere? That’s why it feels awkward, burdensome, and ticklish.

Still, it seems Hyun Jaekyung is finally trying to become a decent person, so I shouldn’t spoil it. Because I’m generous and cool. Like a benevolent elder, I patted his shoulder with an expression that said, ‘Good for you.’

“Right, Hyun Jaekyung, it’s about time you grew up.”

“Not yet grown up, I’ve only just picked up some brass. Hahaha!”

“…”

If he’s not making a dirty joke, it’s either a childish joke or a dad joke. …But I’ve picked up silver!

After that, the atmosphere loosened up even more, and even the side dishes were perfectly to my liking, making the drinks taste much better.

Until Hyun Jaekyung started talking about the women he had dated so far.

“I gave her some chocolate and only got to hold her hand, and then she said she was transferring. I begged my parents to let me transfer to Seoul to follow her.”

“…If you had come then, you would have been good at the subway game.”

“Pfft!”

I didn’t say it to be funny. Because that guy’s story wasn’t funny at all. Hey, if you’ve dated so many people, why didn’t you talk about your first love during the truth-or-dare game at the MT?

Listening to stories I was truly not curious about, I suddenly became curious about things like the age of Hyun Jaekyung’s first experience. But unlike my usual self, I didn’t want to ask such personal questions. I couldn’t admit to the fact that I was curious about such a thing, and it seemed like Hyun Jaekyung would actually want me to ask.

The guy, who naturally wouldn’t know my feelings, was still chattering on confidently.

“So if you have a type you want, just tell me and I’ll round them all up for you. You can even choose from among my ex-girlfriends.”

“You’re so damn open-minded in the present-perfect-progressive tense…”

“Say progressive, please.”

“Give me a break.”

A macho slut talking about being progressive.

Then again, the foundation of the domestic art college scene has a strange atmosphere, composed of people who are conservative but also pretend to be progressive in some ways. But just by looking at the professors, or hearing stories from the sunbaes who work as assistants to professional artists, you can see that not many people maintain that ‘artistic coolness’ until the end.

The College of Art and Design, even among the places called arts and physical education, is on the more commercially prominent side… The difference between fine art and design is like the difference between the College of Humanities and the College of Commerce and Economics. Of course, they say you can’t divide them as if cutting with a knife.

Actually, it’s not that I’ve thought about it, but Joori sunbae often said things like this; she must have had a lot on her mind as an upperclassman. Joori sunbae was the type to categorize things definitively, while Eunha noona, who had seen and heard more, expressed such things with the word ‘tendency’.

…If I didn’t think about other things, I found myself constantly staring at the area below Hyun Jaekyung’s collarbone. The guy, wearing a loose short-sleeved t-shirt, had slumped over the table, leaving his chest wide open. It seems the memory of that guy gathering his non-existent chest when he ordered the spicy chicken stew at the folk tavern back then has remained as a trauma.

For a moment, a loud gulping sound came from my throat. Startled, I glanced at Hyun Jaekyung, but thankfully, it seemed he hadn’t heard.

“They say natural wine is in trend these days.”

“Is this that too?”

“This is port wine. It’s usually sweet and has a high alcohol content.”

“You seem to know a bit about wine.”

“I just picked it up.”

From whom? I didn’t ask any more questions and filled Hyun Jaekyung’s glass. I thought I saw a glimpse of pink under the loose neckline, and I used all my strength to keep my eyes from rolling in that direction.

As I was trying to distract myself by thinking about words like ‘progressive’ or ‘open-minded’ again, I recalled someone saying, ‘There are a lot of gay people in the College of Art and Design.’ When I heard that, I thought of California, and…

Ah! At the MT, before Hyun Jaekyung said that, he apologized to me. Right after that, he poured out the story of his ‘gay hyung’, saying I was being too harsh. Ooh, some of my memory was intact. I wish the remaining missing links would all be filled.

Hyun Jaekyung was placing a green grape on top of a stack of different kinds of cheese. If I were gay, I don’t think I’d come out to that macho guy. Even back then, I had doubted whether that ‘gay hyung’ even existed.

Talking about your own inner thoughts or getting advice on your situation while pretending it’s about someone you know is also a long-standing cliché.

Didn’t he also briefly mention before that he tried to quit smoking for someone he liked, but then gave up? If the person Hyun Jaekyung hit on was a woman, and if that woman’s type wasn’t like mine, and if she was ready to like a heterosexual human, she would have said okay the moment he confessed.

It’s not like they’re getting married at this age; dating a guy like that is an excellent addition to one’s resume.

…So maybe it was Hyun Jaekyung, not a hyung he knew, who had a hard time because of a crush on a guy.

Could he be pretending to be promiscuous out of fear of being suspected? What if he went with two people and played board games instead of having a threesome? But Ha Wonjong said he heard Hyun Jaekyung doing it himself.

Well, it has nothing to do with me, so there’s no need to care so much about a guy who isn’t even my best friend for life.

…Then is he, perhaps, bi?

Love is so simple, yet so complex. Most of the high school girls who cried and said they were sad to graduate while giving my sister Valentine’s Day chocolates are said to have gotten boyfriends.

And he’s more popular with women than men? Isn’t it just that he ended up that way because the default is male-female pairs? This is what social pressure is. It’s the same as me being tired of hearing people tell me to stop watching anime and get a real-life girlfriend.

Wow, why did I come to the College of Art and Design when I should have been a sociologist? That was a masterful piece of writing that should be passed down for generations, just like famous speeches. Of course, I didn’t say a single letter of it out loud.

So, maybe Hyun Jaekyung is in the middle of a second puberty right now. It might be much better to be an otaku, since I’m not really confused about only liking male characters. If he had liked anime, he wouldn’t have been going around losing his temper at everyone and treating his body recklessly, poor guy.

Just then, Hyun Jaekyung, who was munching on a canapé, said quietly.

“At the MT, you told me you weren’t interested in me, that you hated me… that you acted friendly because you hated me touching you and wanted me to experience it too.”

“…I really said all sorts of things.”

There was no denying that I used to hate Hyun Jaekyung, but to think I said all that. It’s better to just let such detailed details flow away in the blackout of my memory. Hyun Jaekyung seemed to hesitate for a moment, then suddenly asked.

“It’s not like that now, right?”

“Huh?”

“We’re really friends, right?”

“Ah, yeah, yeah.”

‘We’re really friends, right?’ What kind of question is that? He’s only asking things like this because it’s still awkward.

And continuing a serious conversation like this with this guy feels so weird. Isn’t our usual relationship me scowling at him when he makes a weird joke?

“I’m glad I apologized.”

Saying that, Hyun Jaekyung smiled softly, as if relieved. More so than when he used to smile at the girls, it even had a pure feel to it. For a moment, I marveled at his ‘thousand faces,’ thinking, so that guy can make an expression like that.

“You hate it when people litter, right?”

Since Hyun Jaekyung still had a gentle expression, it didn’t seem like he was being sarcastic, unlike before. So I also answered readily.

“And when people don’t break down cardboard boxes when they throw them out, and especially when they put out paper on a rainy day.”

“Right, I saw you cleaning up the return counter after eating a coffee and sandwich at the bakery before and thought, is he crazy?”

Just when I thought he wasn’t being sarcastic, he says this?

“Why is that crazy?”

“…So, are you fond of people who are tidy?”

“It’s not so much that I’m fond of them, but that’s the base score, and points get deducted from there. For your information, you also have to remove all the tape on the boxes when you throw them out.”

“Hmph~. You picky bastard. When the earth saves you as a thank you when humanity is destroyed, let me tag along.”

“I’m not doing it in hopes of getting something in return, you know?”

“Whatever. You said your type is a petite girl with brown hair. Assuming she’s good at recycling, what about her personality?”

“Personality…”

Suddenly, this time, a real woman’s personality? As long as she’s cooperative during group projects, I don’t really care. The only ones I like are tall, slender, black-haired male characters.

“Heok…”

“Why, why?”

At my reflexive sound, Hyun Jaekyung’s eyes widened as he examined my complexion. His slightly disheveled black hair, from running around busily all day, suited him naturally. He was tall and slender, and what about his skin. If he just put on some lip tint, you could call him a male version of Snow White.

“It’s nothing.”

“You silly bastard.”

…Holy crap! This exclamation of admiration was a bit more intense, but I succeeded in not letting it out.

So… I can’t believe it myself, but despite everything, I quite sincerely think that Hyun Jaekyung is something like the ideal live-action version of my favorite character archetype. I thought he was just a muse, but he was the king of muses. Of course, if you look at the individual characters, the only commonalities are a few physical features, but for an otaku like me who judges by looks first, that is the alpha and the omega.