ASIAH 50

But if I said I wasn’t interested in real people, I felt like Hyun Jaekyung would make a face like he found me incredibly pathetic. I should think that it doesn’t matter what he thinks, but I didn’t want to be looked down on by Hyun Jaekyung any more.

And if I were to be honest about the appearance of my most preferred characters, it seemed like Hyun Jaekyung, having eyes and a brain, would definitely misunderstand. I have absolutely no intention of identifying Hyun Jaekyung with the characters I love, but it’s unlikely that a normal person like him would be able to skillfully distinguish between a fictional character and a human being.

While I was silent, Hyun Jaekyung snapped his fingers, bit his thumbnail, and finally rummaged through the pile of trash from earlier.

“The thing I said about wanting to be friends with you was for real. Look at this.”

The large book in his hand had a familiar title.

“<Akira>…”

“I haven’t read much of it yet, but you and Ha Wonjong looked like you were having fun, so I tried to join in.”

“You’re being incredibly honest today… Are you drunk?”

“Shut up. But after I finish this, what should I read next?”

Hyun Jaekyung’s face was faintly red. It was hard to tell if it was from embarrassment or from being tipsy. But isn’t it a huge contradiction to ask a question right after telling me to shut up? I’m having a hard time deciding what to recommend.

“Hmm, I’ll pick out something suitable for a beginner.”

“What, is there some kind of otaku certification course? Don’t just mull it over and move on. Hey, what was that thing you made out of clay last time?”

“Ah, the one you broke.”

“…I said I was sorry.”

Maybe <Trigun> would be something worth recommending? I feel like an anime for kids would suit his level, but since I just heard a declaration of friendship, let’s not look down on him too much.

I kindly wrote down a curated list of works in Hyun Jaekyung’s phone notepad. At first, I couldn’t think of anything and was going crazy, but as soon as I got past four titles, all the things I had enjoyed watching came back to life in my memory. The screen was filling up with black text when Hyun Jaekyung soon stopped me.

“You otaku bastard, you’re all excited.”

“Of course I am.”

It feels like I’m conquering a normal person’s clean zone…

I was about to take another sip, but my glass was empty, and there were already three empty bottles. Thinking it was about time to wrap up, I started tidying up, and Hyun Jaekyung, who was diligently sorting the recycling along with me, asked.

“Wanna sleep over?”

“…”

Right, he did say when he invited me that if it got late while we were drinking, I could sleep over. But even though we had gotten much closer, the idea of sleeping and then going to school together with the person whose appearance I had just realized was special to me felt a bit strange. It felt a little… apologetic, perhaps.

“I’ll just go home. I want to brush my teeth… It’s close by, too.”

“They sell toothbrushes at the dorm store.”

“There’s no need to buy more disposables. I want to change my clothes when I go to school tomorrow.”

“Who cares what you wear? You always wear the same shabby stuff that looks like a beggar’s foot wrap.”

“I never wear the t-shirts I layer twice, you know? And it bothers me.”

“This bastard… What, have you been watching too many American dramas, caring about showing signs of sleeping out?”

Hyun Jaekyung grumbled with a sullen expression and threw a low kick at my calf. How can a guy who’s so lanky act like a childish tsundere? The thought that I had to appease him to get home safely made words tumble out of my mouth without going through my brain.

“Let’s have a drink at my place next time.”

“…Okay.”

He’s being quiet this time? I was about to gather the trash and leave, but Hyun Jaekyung hit my wrist and I put it down. Even in the short time it took to leave the room, we kept exchanging more words.

“I have a spare toothbrush at my place too.”

“A guy who has no reason to bring a girl home is well-equipped.”

“…”

“Just kidding, just kidding. Lighten up.”

“Yeah, see you tomorrow.”

“Yeah.”

For some reason, my feet wouldn’t move, and as I was looking at Hyun Jaekyung, another strange silence fell. My heart suddenly started pounding, so to break the odd flow, I threw out a pointless question.

“Are you coming to the morning cleaning?”

“If you come.”

“Then see you then.”

“You’re desperately trying to avoid cleaning alone.”

“No, that’s not it, I just need to know the schedule in advance…”

“If you’re that concerned, just put me in your pocket and take me with you now.”

Hyun Jaekyung in my pocket? It was indeed a sweet suggestion. But he wasn’t small enough to fit in a pocket, and most importantly, I had never once asked him to help me clean.

If Hyun Jaekyung became small, I’d put him in my figure display case. How should I feed him? I should reread <Thumbelina> or <Gulliver’s Travels>.

“Hyun Jaekyung, if you just try getting smaller first, then I’ll…”

“Get out.”

In the end, Hyun Jaekyung pushed my back hard. I slammed my shoulder blade against the window frame again, in the exact same spot I had injured when I was kicked out after delivering the citron tea. I felt wronged and wanted to yell and pretend to cry at the closed door, but I calmed down since it was late.

I’ll have to show that bastard the bruise tomorrow since he’s coming to the morning cleaning too. If Hyun Jaekyung has a conscience, he’ll feel sorry for hurting his ‘friend’s’ body. But if he wanted me to sleep over in his room that badly, couldn’t he have at least walked me as far as possible? A sigh escaped me as I grabbed the handle of the dormitory entrance.

“Ah.”

It was still curfew. The locked main entrance only allowed for about a centimeter of movement. He didn’t even tell me to wait until the front door unlocked before leaving, that guy with not a speck of consideration. But since I had seen what Hyun Jaekyung does whenever the dorm door is locked, I naturally opened a window and escaped.

On the way home, I thought about the copy of <Akira> that Hyun Jaekyung had borrowed. I didn’t even know it was in the school library. Did he feel left out every time he heard me and the hipsters talking, even though he grumbled so much?

Maybe since he’s always at the center of attention in a group, he withers away and dies if he’s not in the spotlight for even a moment. What a picky guy. When I was young, I didn’t understand why the <Little Prince> was so nice to the rose that threw a fit, but I wonder if this is what it feels like. As they say, give an extra rice cake to the child you dislike. Of course, the <Little Prince> loved the rose, but…

The world just before sunrise was too dark. After coming out through the flower bed, I used my phone as a light to leave the school gate, and the deserted street looked unfamiliar.

I suddenly felt a loneliness I had never been conscious of.

Yes, now that I think about it, Hyun Jaekyung is the first person I’ve ever had a drink with, just the two of us. It’s also the first time I’ve hung around so much with a guy who doesn’t get my manga references.

It’s not the first time someone has rummaged through manga they have no interest in, saying they want to share my interests. But this guy was someone who usually proclaimed he would rather text a girl one more time than read a book or watch a drama.

That kind of friendship was also a first, so it seems I was sad to part ways. You know, like when you’re a kid playing with friends at the playground, and having to part ways when the sun goes down is like torture. It’s exactly that.

I tried to think of something else, but this time, the mountain of junk that <Akira> had rolled out of came to mind. It would have been much more natural if I had refused, saying there didn’t seem to be a place to sleep.

But what if Hyun Jaekyung had asked me to sleep together on the top bunk? The dorm beds are too small, they’re cramped even for Hyun Jaekyung, and even more so for me. So that would mean we’d have to sleep hugging each other, and I don’t think I could fall asleep like that.

It’s not that I don’t want to, it’s just awkward.

There were so many excuses I could have used, so why did I use one that sounded so much like an excuse? This is driving me crazy. The opportunity to look less like an idiot is already gone, and from now on, I need to use my head a little more nimbly.

Then it suddenly occurred to me that if Hyun Jaekyung’s room also didn’t have a spare toothbrush, then he must have never brought anyone to the dorm. It seems that for Hyun Jaekyung, a spare toothbrush is synonymous with a home date. Then again, there must be a lot to risk to bring a girl into a men’s dormitory.

What if he already used it and there isn’t a new one?

No, in the first place, it seemed like I was the first person he had brought over to eat with. I feel proud.

When I got back to my place, I found myself observing my figure display case anew, and I thought that a mini Hyun Jaekyung would look good standing among them. I know it’s the most absurd of absurd thoughts.

I washed up and lay down, but it was hard to fall asleep because my mind was so full of thoughts. We had talked a lot, so not all the details of the conversation were vivid. I hadn’t drunk enough to black out, so this was just in the realm of forgetfulness.

“Who could it be.”

The guy he said he liked.

The idea that Hyun Jaekyung also likes men, it’s just my guess, but it seemed quite plausible. No matter how much of a man has only dated women, if he found out someone like Hyun Jaekyung liked him, he would have been incredibly happy. That lucky bastard, he probably would have gone around telling everyone and posting online about how a super handsome younger guy confessed to him at every drinking party. It’s something to brag about for a lifetime.

No, with Hyun Jaekyung’s pride, it’s unlikely he would make a confession with such a low success rate. Doesn’t it seem like he’s wandering around even more because he himself is unsure? Even if he were only surrounded by people who like him, every day would be new, so he has nothing to lose.

“Haaam.”

I needlessly scrolled through my messages with Hyun Jaekyung, then put my phone far away and closed my eyes. The gentle tipsiness made me feel sleepy.

That person kicked away their good fortune without even knowing it. I wouldn’t have done that.

I was sleeping lightly when the alarm went off and woke me up with a start. When I got up, feeling stiff, it was almost time for the cleaning I had promised Hyun Jaekyung. I rushed out, and the door to the workshop was already open. Moreover, all the movable objects were arranged at right angles, as if aligned to a grid.

“Jooyoon, you’re late. And for your information, don’t come in here with your shoes on. I swept and wiped it so clean that if you come in with feet that have stepped on outside dust, I think I’ll want to hit you.”

“Uh, uh…”

“Did you run? You’re out of breath.”

“…”

I did come quickly because I had a lot I wanted to talk to Hyun Jaekyung about, but I’m not that out of breath. It’s just that I’m coughing so much that I can’t speak? Hyun Jaekyung seemed to think that my running was a sign of my sincerity, and his mood softened considerably. Because of that, he graciously allowed me to enter the workshop with my shoes on (the psycho).

I caught my breath and held out my hand to Hyun Jaekyung.

“The memo app.”

“Huh? Why?”

“I didn’t prioritize my recommendations. Something to watch while eating, or something light to watch before bed…”

“Why would you watch cartoons while eating?”

“You can just turn it on during the time you’d be looking at your phone. Like a mukbang?”

“I don’t watch mukbangs, it grosses me out to see other people smacking their lips while eating their fodder. And I’m almost never eating alone, anyway. Even if I am, I’m video calling.”

“Ah…”

Fodder? That’s too harsh. But this is a situation I hadn’t thought of. As I fell silent, Hyun Jaekyung tried to appease me with words like, “I’ll try watching it after I finish my call,” and “I’m good at multitasking.”

It wasn’t a misconception; it seemed we had grown closer after our private wine party, and strangely, nothing was getting on my nerves. I guess Hyun Jaekyung also wants to maintain our relationship. It’s a strange thing, considering that in the past, just his breathing was enough to drive me crazy.

I couldn’t even concentrate in class because I was racking my brain, to the point of my hair falling out, trying to figure out what to recommend to incorporate anime into Hyun Jaekyung’s daily routine. During break time, I was looking up other people’s reviews and re-ranking my recommendations when Yeom Hyejin walked over with a loud clanking sound.

“Jaekyung-seu, when are you going to pick this up?”

“Ah, put it in my locker. I’ll send you the code.”

“Alright.”

What’s that clanking sound? If he has something to give, he should just give it now. What is it that he has to put it in a locker like some kind of clandestine deal? And is it okay for that bastard Hyun Jaekyung to just give out his password like that? Would he tell me if I asked?