BHB 140

“…Isn’t your lover a man?”

“Having a male lover and being gay are different things. I wasn’t originally gay.”

“And who was?”

“…You were.” Yeowon replied after a brief pause. 

Taegang’s pretense suddenly felt irritating. “What?”

“…You’ve been with men. Besides me.”

When Yeowon looked directly at Taegang and spoke quietly, Taegang hesitated as if it had just dawned on him. The look of dismay that crossed his previously arrogant face was instantaneous.

“…It wasn’t like that.”

“So you just enjoyed it then? I can’t be with men to begin with. Only you, and it was only possible because it was you.”

“……”

Taegang’s response was silence. Unable to find words, he uncharacteristically hesitated to answer. Though he knew he should hold back given the setting, the words had slipped out involuntarily. Having kept these thoughts bottled up, they flowed out naturally without passing through his mental filter.

“I can hear everything.”

The man’s voice dropped from behind Taegang’s turned back.

“You’re being too careless in a place like this.”

Taegang responded irritably to the advice delivered with a smile.

“Mind your own business. Just go on your way.”

“If you keep talking like that, should I not give it to you?”

“…What?”

“How else would I know about the villa incident that everyone’s keeping quiet about?” The man draped his arm over Taegang’s shoulder and smiled gently at Yeowon.

“What are you talking about?”

“You idiot.” The man clicked his tongue and tossed a USB drive at Taegang. When Taegang caught it with a puzzled look, the man calmly checked his wristwatch. “I should get going now.”

“What is this?”

“Security camera footage from the villa.”

“What?”

“I had them installed in every hallway.”

“Ha….”

“It was amusing to watch you putting on airs. Uncle is the same, really. At his age, still acting so childishly.”

Having apparently viewed the footage from that day, the man let out a light sneer as if finding it amusing. At this explicit statement, Yeowon momentarily froze. The seemingly harsh words were of a kind he’d never heard even from Taegang’s mouth.

“You should be grateful.”

At the man’s brazen words, Taegang pressed his lips shut briefly. Though grateful, he clearly had no desire to express it. Seeing his stubborn demeanor, the man smiled faintly and patted Taegang’s broad shoulders.

“Make sure you fix it properly. I’d completely remodeled the place to take my boyfriend there.”

“…I said I would.” Taegang reluctantly agreed and behaved submissively. 

The man was skillfully handling him like a trainer with an unpredictable beast. With his characteristic smile, he casually offered a final greeting to Yeowon, who was standing awkwardly across from them. “See you next time too, Yeo-jun.”

‘…It’s Yeowon.’

“…Ah, yes. Thank you.”

“This friend has good manners.” The man tapped Taegang’s nape, suggesting he should learn from Yeowon. Then, as if receiving a call, he took out his phone from inside his pocket and answered in an even softer tone, “Yes, honey.”

His voice was sweet beyond just being soft, syrupy to the point of affectation. “I’m about to leave now. Are you nearby? I stopped by briefly because I was waiting for you.”

Yeowon stared blankly at the man’s back with an astonished expression. He was even more surprised thinking the caller might be the man’s boyfriend. 

‘Can someone talk like that… to another man?’ Yeowon wondered, but seeing the man’s completely relaxed face left him momentarily dazed.

“I’ll come pick you up. Wait just 10 minutes. Don’t stand outside.”

Strangely, though he’d only heard a brief conversation, the man seemed extremely happy. His face wasn’t just formally smiling but genuinely joyful, making him look radiant. Not only that, but every word was infused with concern and affection.

‘Between two men… is that kind of romance possible?’ 

Yeowon unconsciously looked at Taegang with an expression of complete bewilderment, concluding that it would certainly be impossible for himself.

The party was more boring than expected. Not many people recognized him, and his parents were too busy greeting people to be seen much. The problem was that Taegang was also busy. 

Whenever Yeowon tried to spend time with him, people who looked like secretaries would approach and whisper to Taegang. He would then express his irritation, tell Yeowon to wait a moment, and disappear. Having gained an important position and status, it seemed necessary for him to maintain appearances with important figures.

Yeowon stood alone by the wall like an outcast, just sipping champagne. Though he had stubbornly insisted on coming, there wasn’t as much noticeable opposition or aggression as he’d expected. Perhaps because of this, a strange feeling lingered around him. There was nothing beyond gaining a clearer understanding of what kind of family Taegang came from and what incredible position he held, as he watched him from afar.

In particular, Taegang’s mother kept dragging him around, and among these encounters were introductions to children from other families. She was noticeably introducing him to women his age, perhaps trying to establish connections, and Taegang was enduring these situations relatively well.

Before coming here, Yeowon had made only one earnest request: no matter what happens, don’t cause trouble. Concerned about Taegang’s fiery temperament, he had emphasized this several times, and perhaps because of this, Taegang was holding up well despite his personality. Of course, maybe such behavior became necessary from the moment he decided to take on an official position. Now, as an adult, he needed to handle these uncomfortable, trivial, unpleasant matters gracefully.

Watching this, Yeowon could only feel that he himself was still nothing. While Taegang was at least doing something, he remained exactly where he had been. He wasn’t earning money by his own hands to live comfortably, nor was he preparing to inherit a family business. What irritated him even more was that Taegang looked frustratingly good with the women being introduced to him.

Watching this scene from a distance, Yeowon unconsciously tightened his grip on the champagne glass. When the glass cracked from his uncontrolled strength, he finally noticed his state and placed it on a nearby table.

“What a nuisance,” he muttered quietly. 

As he suddenly turned his gaze back toward Taegang, he made eye contact with Taegang’s mother. She was the middle-aged woman he had faced earlier, and despite her mature age, her beauty rivaled that of younger people and strongly resembled Taegang’s.

When their eyes met, the woman smiled gently and turned her gaze away. Only then did Yeowon realize why they had invited him. They wanted to show him. Show him what kind of family Taegang came from, and the level of his position. It was a lesson for him to see and understand on his own.

Yeowon let out a hollow laugh and turned away. His palm was cut from the cracked glass, with blood forming on the surface. He didn’t feel any particular pain. Rather, only the vulgar emotions boiling inside him made their presence known.

Leaving the banquet hall, he headed to the bathroom and washed his hands first. He washed away the blood and splashed water on his face. These were all things he had anticipated. He knew they would disapprove of him, and he knew they would somehow show it. Since he had expected even worse, those things didn’t affect him at all. What angered him was something else entirely.

The reason he was getting heated was… because the moment he saw the woman next to Taegang, he naturally thought of Jeon Chaemin. From that scene back then, Chaemin was naturally substituted for the woman’s image, and the sight of Taegang rolling around with him replayed vividly in his mind as if it were happening right before his eyes.

“Crazy….”

These thoughts occurred to him occasionally, sporadically, to the point where he wondered if it was some kind of illness. Though they had reconciled and things were good with Taegang now, these thoughts would suddenly emerge and torment him.

These were thoughts he had already sorted through. The truth was that whoever Taegang had sex with or dated before, it was all before meeting him. He himself hadn’t recognized his feelings for Taegang at that time, and it wasn’t his place to care who Taegang was seeing. Even if Taegang’s casual behavior didn’t inspire trust… that story had ended the moment he decided to accept him.

“So pathetic.”

He hadn’t realized he was someone who dwelled on things this much. He didn’t want to consciously be that kind of person. But why did he keep…

“Ha….”

At that moment, he sensed someone behind him. Through the mirror above the sink, he could see Taegang standing behind him. He was breathing heavily as if he had been desperately searching for Yeowon during his brief absence.

“Found you.”

Seeing how anxiously he had searched, as if Yeowon had run away somewhere, Yeowon felt embarrassed about his strange thoughts. He exhaled deeply and ran his hands over his face.

“Are you tired? Should we go now?” Taegang asked worriedly with a deliberately darkened expression. 

Yeowon stared at his face intently and bit his lower lip hard.

“What’s wrong? Did something happen?”

Yeowon found this kind of caring concern from him unfamiliar, yet not unpleasant. Because only he could see this side of him. 

‘Did one become greedier the longer they dated?’ He occasionally thought that he wanted all of Taegang’s never-before-seen sides to be his alone. Was that why he kept having these thoughts? Was it because Taegang’s intimate side, which he had shown to just anyone he slept with, wasn’t exclusively special to him, and that’s why he kept feeling this petty jealousy?

“…No. Nothing. I’m just a bit tired.”

Taegang didn’t seem to believe this casual response, but he considerately let it go without saying anything.

“…It’s almost over. Let’s go home.”

“Like this, right away?”

“Yeah. It doesn’t matter.”

“You always say it doesn’t matter.”

“That’s why I told you that you’d be tired.”

“It’s not like anything major happened. I’m just drained from the atmosphere.”

“Have you fulfilled your wish now?”

“…Yeah.” Yeowon smiled faintly and casually responded about being tired. 

As he was about to push his wet hair back, Taegang seized his hand with a loud smack. “What’s this, you’re hurt?”

“…Ah. It’s nothing.”

When Yeowon tried to pull his hand away, not wanting to make a fuss over a self-inflicted cut, Taegang glared and wouldn’t let go.

“Why are you hurt? Did someone again…”

“I said it’s fine.”

Cutting off Taegang’s persistent questioning, he roughly shook off his hand. His nerves were on edge. 

Sensing this, Taegang stood still for a moment, observing Yeowon. Then, as if tired himself, he ran his hand through his hair.

“…What is it, really?”

“What?”

“You’re acting strange.”

“…I told you, I’m just tired.”

“Do I look like an idiot to you?”

“…Why are you being so irritated again?”

Yeowon glared fiercely at Taegang, revealing his thinly veiled irritation. As the situation began to deteriorate in this familiar way, Yeowon felt an overwhelming wave of fatigue that made his neck stiff.

“Stop it. Let’s just go home.”

Not wanting to do this outside, especially here, Yeowon waved his hand dismissively. He said he would go to the parking lot first and walked ahead, leaving behind Taegang who seemed to have more to say. Once inside the elevator and the doors closed, Yeowon finally hit his own head.

‘Pathetic bastard, seriously.’

He felt such self-loathing for his behavior that it bordered on disgust. All he could do was tell himself to stop. He didn’t understand why he kept torturing himself, remaining shackled to past events. Why did he still dwell on things he had already decided were fine and over with?