BIA Ch. 48

Could it be that his memories are returning?

No, that can’t be.

Even while denying it wholeheartedly, I deliberately gave the same answer as before.

“It’s just pigmentation.”

“Pigmentation…?”

“Yeah. Like freckles on the skin.”

As expected, Isaiah didn’t react much. I felt relieved. And I felt a great sense of despair at the fact that I was relieved.

In the end, I will fail. No, I already have failed. Miserably so.

“Bran.”

“Yeah?”

“Are we going to have sex…?”

I left the apartment with the self-proclaimed nineteen-year-old who, oblivious to my inner turmoil, was saying such carefree things. On the way back home, he looked like he wanted to ask, ‘How old were you when you first had sex to be acting like this?’ but he didn’t say anything in the end. He seemed to be watching Samuel, who was driving. Or maybe he knew that hearing the answer would only make him feel worse.

Back home, after Isaiah fell asleep, I logged onto the dark web. As expected, Edgar Derby was on the verge of exploding because the successor announcement had been postponed by two days. He said it was clear that Cedric had changed his mind, and asked what I was planning to do. Either way, half of the organization members were going to get cut, so it was ridiculous that he was asking me for a solution as if something big had happened now.

7810462 : What do you mean what to do? We’ll proceed with the successor announcement as planned.

7795731 : What about Lanius? Is he still playing hard to get?

Edgar Derby doesn’t know that Isaiah Cole has developed a dissociative disorder. I told him that Lanius had suddenly asked for more time to think before carrying out the plan, and Edgar Derby seemed to think that he was trying to get the best possible deal before a major undertaking.

7810462 : It’s not that. He doesn’t like our plan, so I’m trying to persuade him.

7795731 : Did he notice something?

I hesitated for a moment before answering.

7810462 : He thinks it’s too risky for him to get involved on the ground. He wants to finish it cleanly with a rifle.

7795731 : Then let him use a rifle as he wants.

Edgar Derby’s plan went back to the beginning. Chester would try to eliminate me whether he became the boss or not, so the plan was to have Lanius pretend to snipe me as Chester ordered, and then kill Chester and as many of his men as possible.

7795731 : Tell him we’ll help him escape right away. We’ll send him to any country he wants. Just buy a plane ticket in advance and put it in his hand.

Then they would catch him at the building entrance and arrest him as the main culprit of the shootout. Even if he threw away his gun and escaped empty-handed, there was evidence of WD’s deal with Chester, so it would be enough. And they would make a deal to reduce his sentence in exchange for him telling the story. The reason he shot Chester, the client, not me, was ‘because he hated that bastard telling him what to do with a few bucks, and he was also angry that his men had been looking down on him.’ It was obvious that it was an FBI ploy, just like me.

7795731 : Bran, it’s not long now. Don’t mess things up at the last minute.

The old man was stating the obvious.

Every single word Edgar Derby said was getting on my nerves. I checked the time on my laptop to see why, and it was already past three in the morning. It was no wonder I was getting sensitive. There was no point in dragging the conversation out any longer in this state.

I said I would talk to Lanius, and then logged off before Edgar Derby could send any more messages. I reached for the bottle of liquor on my desk as a habit, but then put it back down. I had already drunk enough today.

I swallowed three sleeping pills after a long time and lay down in bed. But I couldn’t fall asleep. It happened sometimes. When I was so tired that I felt like my nerves were on edge. The sound of the second hand moving on the clock, the sound of the gap between the wall and the wallpaper, and all the other sounds that I usually didn’t hear were louder than thunder in my ears at that moment.

I closed my eyes and thought of Isaiah’s sleeping figure I had seen in his apartment earlier. The movement of his chest rising and falling in a steady rhythm with his breaths. I thought of the small, red tongue that would shyly appear and disappear between his parted lips.

Then, miraculously, all the sounds grew smaller, and my consciousness began to drift away. In my fading consciousness, I thought. In the end, I will have no choice but to return him to Isaiah Cole. That’s the only way he’ll be safe. Right now, he’s like a child left out in the water…

I wished that when I opened my eyes, he would have returned to being Isaiah Cole. Then I wouldn’t have to worry or hesitate anymore.

But that miracle still didn’t happen, and as always, with a complicated feeling of whether I was disappointed or relieved, I took him to the basement. Even a child left out in the water had to be taught how to shoot a gun. That way, even if they drowned, they wouldn’t get eaten by a crocodile.

The problem was that this child had absolutely no talent for shooting. If I had taught a real child this much, they would have been able to catch a crocodile, but this guy couldn’t even hit a target with a picture of a crocodile.

“I didn’t miss on purpose.”

Isaiah finally said, dejected, as if he had sensed that my mood was not good.

“I know.”

I didn’t think he was trying to miss on purpose, but I thought that his instinctive aversion and fear of guns might have been interfering with his concentration.

I gave up on the hopeless shooting practice and went out to buy clothes to change the mood. Isaiah chose clothes that looked like something a college freshman would wear—the kind of clothes that someone who didn’t care much about fashion, didn’t have a girlfriend, and hung out with other guys at the library and occasionally went to play games to clear their head would wear. If you gathered all the guys wearing these kinds of clothes at a university, you could fill two of the biggest auditoriums. Of course, I had never worn anything like that. What about Isaiah Diaz? He would definitely wear them. His closet would probably be full of these kinds of clothes.

While talking to Isaiah, I gave him clues about the past. I tried to naturally throw information at him, hoping to draw out the memories that were buried in his subconscious, but… I don’t know. Looking back now, it was more like poking at a scab with my fingertip. Reaffirming again and again that the wound no longer hurt, and feeling relieved that the hard skin had completely covered and protected the wound.

Isaiah just listened as if it were someone else’s story again. He was angry at the story of the adoptive parents who had used drugs on the child, but he didn’t show any strong reaction that would break away from the observer’s attitude. It was a relief.

But exceptions always happen in a moment of carelessness, at an unexpected moment. I was at a cafe, looking at the customers chatting happily, and I told him the story of the mother and son who lived next door to me. Isaiah didn’t show any particular reaction while listening to the story, but unexpectedly, he remembered something a beat later.

“That’s right… it was like this before too.”

“What?”

“I was wearing this then too. I was wearing a gray hoodie… and I was talking to some guy…”

Isaiah’s gaze was directed somewhere behind me, not at me. He mumbled something with unfocused, blank eyes, and then suddenly took out his smartphone and frantically started looking for something. Soon, he cheered and showed me the screen of his phone.

“That’s right, it’s here!”

What he found was a restaurant in Liberty Harbor. It wasn’t far from the house I used to live in. It was supposed to be a famous place, but it was the first time I had ever heard of the name, so it seemed like it had been built after I left. The fact that he knew about it meant that he had visited the place when he got his hands on my ID. And he probably met Isaiah Diez there too.

“It’s here! We can go here, Bran! Let’s go!”

Isaiah shouted excitedly as if he had made a great discovery.

“Why there?”

“I’ve been there before! So,”

“So, what are you going to do there?”

My voice was so cold that even I was surprised. Isaiah looked at me with a very bewildered face.

“Right. This is Isaiah Diaz’s memory anyway. And it’s not even a real memory, it’s a memory you created.”

I explained why there was no need to go there, using plausible words. Isaiah looked very confused at my seemingly reasonable words. He seemed even more lost because he couldn’t trust his own memories.

But even so, Isaiah didn’t say that he wouldn’t go until the end. Rather, he even said in a firmer voice than before at the end.

“But I still want to go.”

Looking at the resolute guy, I remembered the promise I had made in my fading consciousness this morning.

In the end, I will have no choice but to return him to Isaiah Cole. That’s the only way he’ll be safe. Right now, he’s like a child left out in the water.

“It’s rare to have such clear memories. We might find out something if we go.”

But, does it really have to be that way?

There are plenty of ways to be safe without being Isaiah Cole. I can make it that way. If water is dangerous, I don’t have to leave him by the water, and if he can’t shoot a gun, I can make it so he doesn’t have to shoot a gun. It’s much easier and simpler than raising a child into an adult overnight.

“Okay, let’s go then.”

Finally, I picked up the lukewarm cup of coffee. And after finishing the rest of the coffee, I put down the empty cup and said.

“If you say so, then we have to go.”