BIA Ch. 69

The man had pulled his hat down low, obscuring his face. He wore a black jacket over a gray hoodie, and the moment Isaiah saw that very common gray hoodie, he felt a strange thump in his chest, like his heart had dropped.

“What’s wrong?”

Bran asked, noticing the subtle change in his expression.

“No. It’s nothing.”

Isaiah tried to sound nonchalant as he sliced his sandwich. In the meantime, the man shuddered and headed to the counter. Afraid of making eye contact with him, Isaiah lowered his head further, pretending to focus on cutting the sandwich. For some reason, he felt like he shouldn’t make eye contact.

The man went to the counter inside the store and ordered a sandwich. The owner, who had been at the counter just a moment ago, was gone, and a female employee asked him if he wanted it to go or to eat in.

“To go.”

Isaiah, who had been on edge, unknowingly felt relieved at the man’s choice. He didn’t know why himself. He just didn’t want the man to stay in the store for long. It was scary. It felt like something terrible would happen if he made eye contact.

“That’ll be $11. Please wait a moment.”

The man took the receipt and sat down at a table near the counter. Isaiah was so focused on the sounds behind him that he didn’t even know if the sandwich was going into his mouth or his nose.

“Are you okay?”

Bran asked again.

“Huh? What?”

Isaiah said, trying to look unconcerned. But he wasn’t confident. It felt like the muscles in his face weren’t moving the way he wanted them to.

Just then, he heard the sound of a door opening from behind. It could be the staff room or maybe the bathroom. Soon after, the owner shouted loudly.

“Hey, Isaiah!”

Isaiah felt like his blood had frozen in an instant. Because he knew he wasn’t the one being called.

“Tony. How have you been?”

Sure enough, a Black man greeted him from behind. Then he got up from his seat and went to the counter.

Finally, Bran looked up. The counter was directly in front of Bran, so he could see it just by lifting his head. He glanced at the counter once without saying anything, then spoke to Isaiah again.

“Shall we go?”

I want to go. I want to leave.

Isaiah wanted to say that, but the words got stuck in his throat. Then he should just nod, but his body wouldn’t move as he wanted. Against his will, he kept trying to look back.

I shouldn’t look back, something bad will happen if I do.

Even though he knew, he couldn’t help but look back, feeling anxious. He wanted to confirm. Was the person there really the one he feared? Or was it just his hasty misunderstanding? He wanted to cling to that unlikely possibility, so, he did.

And then, he finally made eye contact with the Black man standing at the counter. It seemed like he had been looking at their table the whole time he was talking to the owner. Even when he made eye contact with Isaiah, he didn’t look flustered at all, but rather lifted the brim of his hat as if to see him better.

“Oh…”

The man’s eyes widened for a moment, as if he had realized something.

Isaiah quickly turned his head away, but it seemed too late. He could hear the sound of the man quickly approaching.

No. Don’t come. Don’t recognize me. Don’t realize who I am.

Isaiah clutched his pounding heart and pleaded.

But the man didn’t care about Isaiah’s pleas and quickly approached the table.

And then–

“Bran!”

The man shouted in a cheerful voice, tapping the table.

“It’s been a while! How long has it been?”

When Bran looked up, the man took off his hat and exclaimed excitedly.

“It’s me, it’s me! The kid who lived next door to you!”

Bran stared at the man for a moment, then said in an indifferent tone.

“I’m sorry, but I think you’ve mistaken me for someone else.”

“Huh? That can’t be…”

The man looked dumbfounded, as if it was unbelievable.

“No, it’s me, it’s me. It’s Isaiah…”

The man looked very flustered by the unexpected reaction. He couldn’t say anything more and just shifted his gaze busily, then his eyes widened again as he said, “Oh.” It seemed like he had finally noticed Isaiah sitting across from Bran, and the man mumbled in surprise.

“You’re definitely…”

“Hey.”

Bran interrupted the man, who was about to say something.

“Yes?”

The man looked at Bran with the same expression he had when he was looking at Isaiah. Bran pointed his chin towards the counter.

“I’m out.”

“Ah……”

The man looked back and forth between Bran and Isaiah with a dazed expression, then hurriedly went to get his sandwich.

“Shall we go?”

Bran asked as soon as the man left the table. Isaiah barely nodded.

“Be careful.”

Bran supported Isaiah as he staggered to his feet. He walked Isaiah to the store entrance, then took the car keys out of his jacket pocket and put them in his hand.

“I’ll pay and come, so go wait in the car.”

Isaiah took the car keys from Bran and left the store.

He couldn’t find Bran’s car, which was parked right next to the building, so he looked around with a blank face for a while. Then, belatedly, he pressed the button on the key. He finally found the car by the sound of the automatic lock being released and got into the passenger seat in a daze. He leaned his head against the car window, feeling dizzy, and saw his face reflected in the side mirror. He could see why Bran had looked so serious. His face was so pale. And it was all wet with cold sweat.

He tried to calm down by closing his eyes, but it didn’t work. Rather, the headache and nausea intensified, making it unbearable. His heart was beating too fast. It felt like something terrible was about to happen. Unable to bear it, Isaiah opened the passenger door and jumped out.

He looked around again, feeling vague fear and anxiety, and saw Bran still inside the store, standing in front of the counter. It seemed like he had just finished paying, as the owner was handing him a card and receipt. Someone was standing next to Bran as he received the card. It was the black man who had come to their table earlier. The man was talking to Bran, his face constantly wearing an awkward smile.

He had seen that smile before.

Back then, the man had spoken with that same awkward expression. He had talked in detail about his memories with the brother who lived next door, about how well he had taken care of him when he was young.

And he……, he had envied him. He had listened with a seemingly indifferent face, but deep down, he couldn’t bear the envy. The man had the same name as him, but lived a completely different life. He had shared a time with Bran, just like him, but unlike him, his memories were ordinary and beautiful.

“……”

A piece of memory that had finally surfaced pierced his heart.

He shouldn’t have come here.

Isaiah gasped, clutching his chest.

He shouldn’t have come here, to a place like this. When Bran had tried so hard to stop him, he should have quit then. Like he said, it probably wasn’t even a real memory, it couldn’t be ‘Isaiah Diaz’s’ memory, there couldn’t be a past for a person who didn’t even exist. Why did he insist on coming? What made him want to come?

Suddenly, he felt a salty taste on the tip of his tongue. It must be the wind. The salty sea breeze was harshly whipping his cheeks and widening the hole in his chest. That must be why it hurt so much, why it was so painful. Isaiah tightened his coat even more. But it was no use. The more he tightened his coat, the stronger the salty taste on the tip of his tongue became, and the pain in his heart intensified. It was hard to even breathe.

Bran’s old neighbor caught him just as he reached the store door. He took out his phone from his jacket pocket and started frantically searching for something. Isaiah felt like he knew what the man was about to show.

Don’t, please don’t. Isaiah prayed inwardly.

Please don’t show it. Bran will realize. He’ll realize why I had to be Isaiah Diaz, why I had to be a nineteen-year-old college student. He’ll know everything.

No, maybe he had known all along. Not exactly, but he must have had a vague idea. That’s why he tried to stop him from coming here. He wanted to get out of that dirty neighborhood as quickly as possible. In case he actually ran into the real Isaiah. In case he faced the truth he had been so afraid of, the truth he had tried so hard to escape.

Thinking that, he couldn’t bear it anymore.

Isaiah turned around and started running. He thought he heard his name being called from behind, from far away, but he ignored it and ran. It was probably just the sound of the wind anyway.

Yes, that’s the sound of the wind. The sea breeze is scary. No matter how many clothes you wear, it will relentlessly dig into your skin and instantly widen the hole in your heart. So he can’t stop. If he does, the hole in his heart will get even bigger. The hole that has devoured his heart and grown as big as his body will eventually swallow him whole. He’ll be dragged into the abyss.

The sound of the wind grew louder each time it passed through the hole in his chest. The friction of the endlessly amplified air was so painful that his ears felt numb.

But Isaiah didn’t stop. He couldn’t stop. He couldn’t be dragged into the deeper abyss. For him, the deepest abyss wasn’t inside, but outside. The darkest world was ultimately reality.

He didn’t want to be dragged in, he didn’t want to go back, so Isaiah ran with all his might. But once the abyss started to twist, it cracked quickly like a broken mirror, and soon his thoughts were cut off and his memories became a mess.

And.

— Bbaaaang!

Isaiah snapped back to his senses as if waking from a dream at the loud honk. Finally, the broken mirror shattered into fragments. It was a moment when inside and outside were reversed and the world completely changed, but he didn’t realize it. All he realized was that he was on a strange road, that his feet were uncomfortable, and that he was running for some unknown reason.