CCS Ch 18

“You… said… that… you…”

The words felt clumsy on Semin’s tongue. Yooho listened to Semin’s stammering, piecing together the fragmented words, before letting out a soft sigh.

“No, I didn’t bring them for that…”

“…No?”

“Even if we don’t go all the way, condoms are necessary. We’ve been too careless until now.”

“…….”

“Really, don’t worry about it. Sex isn’t only about penetration.”

Semin tilted his head, a puzzled look on his face.

“But you do want to… right?”

An awkward silence hung in the air. After a moment, Yooho covered his face with one hand and muttered in a husky voice,

“Stop asking me that so directly.”

“Why, Sir?”

“I can’t think of any more excuses to deflect the question…”

He was acting as if it were unbearable, but his gestures were clearly playful. He was trying to put Semin at ease. A smile bloomed on Semin’s face, and he spoke calmly.

“I… I really can do it, Sir…”

Yooho peeked at him through his fingers, a soft smile in his eyes.

“You’ll regret it.”

His warning was low and firm. Semin swallowed involuntarily and shook his head.

“I won’t regret it, Sir.”

Yooho rested his chin on his hand and hummed thoughtfully. The vacuum cleaner was still roaring outside. After a moment of silence, he leaned closer and whispered,

“Then think about it a little more.”

Until when? Semin looked up at him questioningly, and Yooho winked.

“Until they’re all gone.”

It wasn’t just the heat that made Semin want to wash off his sweat. He turned on the shower and, phone in hand, carefully reviewed what he had researched earlier.

‘I can do this, right?’

Being intimate with Yooho always felt good, but Yooho generally catered to Semin, so he rarely saw him lose control or get overly excited. As Yooho put it, he only got a little breathless when they were “pretending to penetrate.”

Therefore, Semin wanted to do whatever he could to give Yooho more pleasure. He felt like it would somehow make things better.

‘Even if what Sir’s friend said is all true.’

Even if he’s only being considerate because he finds me difficult… if I’m equally considerate and accommodating, wouldn’t things change someday?

Wouldn’t he see me differently?

A strange sense of elation filled him as his runaway thoughts led him to an unfoundedly optimistic conclusion. Semin took a deep breath, pressing a hand to his racing heart.

When he opened the bathroom door, he saw Yooho standing by the window, his back to him. Semin clutched the collar of his robe and spoke softly.

“Sir, what are you doing…?”

Yooho turned around, a slow smile spreading across his face.

“The window doesn’t open here. I was thinking of getting some fresh air.”

“Fresh air, Sir? If you’re hot, we can turn on the AC…”

Semin trailed off, noticing Yooho’s uncharacteristically troubled expression. The way he ran a hand through his hair seemed anxious. Semin cautiously watched him and took a step closer.

“Sir…?”

“Well, Semin.”

Intimidated by the serious atmosphere, Semin pressed his lips together. Yooho hesitated, his hand still hovering in the air, then sighed and continued.

“If you think I’m getting carried away, you have to tell me.”

“……?”

“Honestly, I still think this might be too much for you… and that we shouldn’t do it.”

Semin slowly closed the distance between them, following Yooho’s gaze. When he was close enough to touch Yooho, he wrapped his arms around his waist and looked up, meeting his eyes, which were filled with conflict.

“…What are you worried about, Sir?”

Yooho lowered his head at Semin’s whispered question. His lips brushed against Semin’s forehead in a soft kiss.

“Honestly?”

“Honestly, Sir.”

“I’m worried that Kang Semin will be so shocked and scared that he’ll run away and not want to see me anymore.”

Don’t be ridiculous… A mix of disbelief, exasperation, and a strange sense of relief made Semin chuckle. Yooho pinched his cheek lightly, saying, “Huh? Kang Semin, you’re laughing?”

“You said something silly, Sir.”

“…Honestly, ignorance is bliss…”

“I know everything, Sir…”

Semin tilted his head up and kissed Yooho, who let out a ticklish sigh. He nibbled on Semin’s lower lip before whispering into his mouth.

“Lie down.”

A faint scent of wine lingered on Yooho’s lips.

Yooho placed a pillow under Semin’s waist and positioned himself between his knees. Semin obediently lay down and untied his robe. Goosebumps rose on his skin as the cool air hit his bare body. He shivered slightly, and Yooho seemed to notice, pausing in his movements.

“Semin.”

“I-it’s okay, Sir. I’m just cold.”

Semin quickly offered an excuse, pulling his arms out of his robe sleeves. Yooho hesitated for a moment, then sat up and took off his t-shirt. The contours of his shoulders became sharply defined against the light.

“…….”

The familiar scent of Yooho’s smooth, firm skin filled the air. Semin closed his eyes, their lips meeting. The kiss started softly, then deepened. He gasped as Yooho’s tongue swirled around his, the pressure sending a jolt through him. His hardened nipples brushed against Yooho’s chest.

“Mm…”

Semin unconsciously arched his back. Yooho chuckled softly and pressed closer. Semin gasped, feeling enveloped by Yooho’s large, firm body. It was a pleasant pressure.

“Can you spread your legs a little more?”

Yooho asked, kissing the underside of Semin’s jaw. Semin nodded and relaxed his hips. One of his slightly parted knees rested on Yooho’s shoulder, and there was a click above him. Yooho, one hand on the bed, was opening a bottle of massage gel with the other.

“Tell me if it’s uncomfortable.”

He squeezed a generous amount of gel into his palm and reached for Semin’s legs. Even though Semin had been watching intently, a startled gasp escaped his lips as the cool gel touched his sensitive skin. His stomach tightened as he tensed up.

“…Ah.”

Yooho’s fingers paused as he spread the gel around Semin’s entrance. His lips brushed against Semin’s eyelids, asking a silent question. Semin forced a smile, his lips trembling, and blinked rapidly.

“Sorry, Sir. It’s… cold…”

“I know, I know.”

Thankfully, Yooho didn’t stop. Sweet whispers filled Semin’s ears as their lips met again. He focused on the sensation of Yooho’s tongue gently licking his sensitive skin, his tension gradually easing. Yooho pulled Semin closer by the waist and squeezed out more gel.

“…Ha, ah…”

Yooho’s fingers, gently caressing Semin’s entrance, slowly slipped inside. Semin, lost in the kiss, suddenly pulled away and tilted his head back, his chest heaving.

“Ah, S-Sir…”

He had momentarily relaxed his hips to speak. Yooho took the opportunity to push his finger all the way in. “Ah!” Semin cried out, his body twitching weakly. His first instinct was to defend himself. His hand shot out, stopping just short of Yooho’s wrist.

He almost pushed him away. Semin clenched his jaw, his forehead damp with sweat.

“Ha…”

Despite the generous amount of gel, Semin’s entrance remained tight. Yooho sighed softly, his knuckles aching from the pressure.

“Semin.”

“…Ah, mm…”

“Semin. Does it hurt?”

“Ugh, mm, n-no, Sir… No, it doesn’t hurt…”

Semin shook his head frantically, his bangs clinging to his damp forehead.

“It doesn’t hurt. It’s just… just a little… strange.”

He forced a smile, his breath hitching. It didn’t really hurt. It was just a strange, unsettling sensation. Someone else’s body inside him. It was a bizarre feeling he hadn’t been able to imagine just from reading about it, and it was sending shivers down his spine.

“Let’s not push it, okay?”

Yooho soothed him, stroking his forehead as if he were a child. Instead of answering, Semin wrapped his arms around Yooho’s neck and kissed him. The kiss brought a sense of relief. After a long moment, Semin whispered against Yooho’s lips,

“P-please… put it in… all the way… Sir?”

Yooho looked down at Semin’s pale face and sighed heavily.

“Kang Semin, you’re being unusually stubborn today…”

He seemed troubled, but not displeased. Semin clung to Yooho’s shoulders as he lowered himself again.

“…Ah, hhh.”

Another finger slipped inside, curling against his inner wall. A sharp jolt shot through him, from below his navel all the way up his spine. At the same time, Yooho’s lips trailed from behind his ear to his neck.

“Mm…”

The sensation was still unfamiliar, but it was more bearable than before. Semin pressed his forehead against Yooho’s neck, their breaths mingling. Yooho pondered for a moment, then whispered in Semin’s ear,

“Should we stop here for today?”

Semin froze, then quickly looked up, his eyes filled with anxious questions. Yooho smiled slightly and kissed his pale temple.

“Don’t rush it. It’s not like this is the only day we have.”

“…Why, Sir? Am… am I doing something wrong?”

“It’s not that…”

Even though Semin had relaxed somewhat, he was still tight. Yooho ran a hand through his hair, his gaze shifting briefly to the bulge straining against his pants. The throbbing ache in his groin was almost unbearable. He desperately wanted to give in to Semin’s plea, feeling the warm, soft walls clenching around his fingers… but…

“…I don’t think it’s going to fit.”

He finally admitted, and Semin blinked slowly.

“It… might not… fit?”

It was a scenario he hadn’t even considered. Yooho gave a wry smile and kissed Semin’s cheek.

“Of course it might not.”

“…Because… because I’m a man?”

Semin asked without thinking. He shouldn’t have said that. Anxiety gnawed at him. Yooho tilted his head, their foreheads touching.

“You’re really strange today, Kang Semin.”

“…….”

“…I wish you’d stop encouraging me. It’s getting hard to hold back.”

“D-don’t hold back, Sir…”

Semin quickly grabbed Yooho’s hips, catching his words. Yooho looked down at Semin pulling down his pants and chuckled.

“Semin.”

“Sir… please don’t hold back… anything you want to do with me.”

“…….”

“I can… adapt to anything, Sir. Whatever you want to do… I can do it all for you. Anything…”

Semin’s lips trembled as he spoke. …What’s gotten into him? Yooho frowned and chose his words carefully.

“Semin, like I said before, this isn’t something to…”

“Please, Sir…”

Yooho looked at Semin with concern. Semin’s desperate plea, spoken with an almost frantic urgency, was clearly not normal. But Yooho couldn’t think of a way to resolve the situation immediately.

“…….”

He hesitated, then picked up the condom he had placed nearby. He figured Semin would give up if they at least tried. It was a decision born of desperation, but Semin’s face immediately lit up.

Yooho pulled down his underwear, and his erection sprang free, bobbing slightly. Semin watched as Yooho rolled on the condom and applied more lubricant, and he swallowed nervously, tension finally setting in.

“Tell me right away if it’s too much.”

Yooho kissed Semin’s forehead, then pushed himself forward. Semin fell back against the bed and nodded weakly. Yooho lowered himself, continuing the soft kisses as he aligned their bodies.

“…Ah.”

Semin felt something slide into his well-lubricated entrance. He tilted his head back, trying to control his breathing. It wasn’t too uncomfortable, thankfully. It felt more open than before, but bearable.

“Sir, I… I think it’s okay. It doesn’t hurt…”

He whispered, relieved, and Yooho chuckled wryly.

“That’s just my fingers.”

He said regretfully, spreading his index and middle fingers further apart. Semin gasped, the increased pressure making him breathless. Yooho continued to move his fingers, exploring Semin’s depths.

“Ah, mm, nn… Sir… how long… will this…”

Semin writhed and gasped as Yooho’s large hand pushed in and out, his palm brushing against his perineum. It was ticklish and uncomfortable, but at the same time, a strange, indescribable yearning was building within him.

“Sir, it tickles… it tickles…”

He couldn’t find any other way to describe the sensation, and the words came out as a whine. Yooho grinned and kissed him, his tongue swirling around Semin’s, as if trying to melt him with his warmth. Before Semin could adjust to the heat spreading through his mouth, Yooho’s fingers slipped out.

“…Ha…”

Yooho sat up and ran a hand through his hair. Semin lay with his knees bent, looking up at him. Yooho gazed down at him for a moment, his slender, smooth body pale in the dim light, a faint pink blush around his slightly unfocused eyes.

“Ah…”

This is killing me. He rubbed his face, and Semin’s anxious gaze followed his movements. Yooho pulled one of Semin’s knees onto his shoulder, repeating his warning.

“Don’t try to endure the pain.”

Semin took a deep breath, saying, “Okay, Sir.” His expression was almost solemn. Yooho chuckled and gently rubbed the tip of his erection against Semin’s entrance. It was slick with lubricant, but he was still worried. Would this really work?

“…Oh.”

As the blunt tip finally pressed against Semin’s opening, he let out a surprised gasp.

“Uh, mm…”

He seemed startled even before Yooho had fully entered. Instead of asking what was wrong, Yooho leaned forward slightly. Semin’s body curled around him as his knee rested on Yooho’s shoulder, and the tip of Yooho’s penis slipped inside.

“—!”

Despite the initially hopeless start, perhaps thanks to the copious amount of lubricant, Yooho was able to push in little by little. He paused when he was about halfway in, taking a deep breath.

“Semin.”

“…Nn.”

“Semin. Are you okay?”

Semin couldn’t answer. He just gasped, his mouth opening and closing. His chest rose and fell rapidly with each shallow breath. Yooho gritted his teeth, feeling Semin’s tight walls clenching around him. It wasn’t a good sign, but the sensation was becoming almost unbearable.

“Semin…”

“Is it… is it all… the way in?”

Semin’s panting voice reached Yooho’s ears, a soft, sweet whisper. His dark eyes glistened beneath his heavy eyelids.

“Sir… I…”

“…….”

“I really like you, Sir…”

Yooho gently bit Semin’s lips as he confessed, and Semin’s tense body relaxed slightly. His entrance, which had been tightly clenched, pulsed softly around Yooho’s penis. A surge of desire shot through Yooho, making his ears ring. He lost control, roughly tangling his tongue with Semin’s and thrusting his hips forward.

“…Ah!”

There was a loud thud as their bodies collided, and Semin’s body jerked upwards. His vision blurred, and a wave of nausea washed over him.

“Ugh…”

He instinctively covered his mouth with both hands, his head tilting back. It felt like he had been punched in the gut. Tears streamed down his face as he blinked rapidly.

“Ugh, uhh… S-Sir…”

Nausea welled up again as soon as he opened his mouth to speak. How deep was he inside? Semin panicked, his body thrashing weakly. He felt like he was being torn apart.

“…Ah.”

Yooho finally looked up and quickly grabbed Semin’s wrists.

“Semin.”

He sighed heavily, his face etched with worry. Seeing his serious expression, Semin quickly spoke.

“…I’m o-okay, Sir.”

“…….”

“I’m okay, I’m… I’m alright…”

His stammering words trailed off, his eyes widening. He covered his mouth again, moaning and twisting his body. A clear liquid dripped from between his fingers. Yooho’s expression hardened, and he quickly cupped Semin’s chin.

“Semin.”

“…Ugh!”

Semin cried out as Yooho accidentally thrust deeper when he lowered his head. Semin’s walls were tightly clenched. Yooho carefully pulled out, rubbing Semin’s waist.

“…Hh…”

As Yooho fully withdrew, lubricant gurgled out of Semin’s entrance. Semin lay on his side, retching.

“Semin, are you okay?”

He barely heard Yooho’s concerned question as he brushed his hair back. He finally managed to lift his head, only to be met with Yooho’s face, a mixture of worry and regret.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have…”

“…….”

“Are you okay? Do you feel like you’re going to throw up again?”

Tears welled up in Semin’s eyes at Yooho’s gentle question. He buried his face in the sheets, avoiding Yooho’s gaze. Yooho hesitated, then asked softly,

“What’s wrong? Are you mad?”

“…No, Sir. I’m just…”

I must be disgusting… Although there wasn’t much to come up since he had barely eaten, the bile rising in his throat made his mouth taste sour. Yooho seemed to understand, pulling Semin closer.

“It’s okay. Let’s go upstairs and wash up. You can sleep there.”

He lifted Semin into his arms and carried him out of the room. Semin remained motionless until they reached the master bathroom on the second floor.

After brushing his teeth and showering, the nausea subsided, and his mind began to clear. He slipped into a bathrobe, watching Yooho tie the belt, and murmured hoarsely,

“…Sir.”

“Yes?”

“I’m sorry, I…”

“What are you sorry for? You have nothing to apologize for.”

Yooho sighed, stroking Semin’s hair. Semin fidgeted, becoming more anxious.

“I… I said I could do it… and… I’m sorry, Sir.”

“No, I said it’s not your fault. It was my mistake.”

“…Sir?”

Semin asked, stunned by the firm reply. Yooho hesitated, humming softly, before saying,

“Sorry, I lost control for a moment.”

“…….”

“If I had taken it slower, it would have been fine. So, it’s not your fault.”

Yooho whispered sincerely, his eyes filled with genuine apology. Semin felt even worse.

“I…”

He started to speak, but the words wouldn’t come. He closed his eyes and buried his face in Yooho’s shoulder. In the awkward silence, Yooho gently stroked his back. Semin felt the comfort Yooho was trying to offer, but it only intensified the sharp pang of regret he felt.

Back in bed, Yooho held Semin close, continuing to stroke his back. Semin held his breath, waiting for Yooho to fall asleep.

When the hand on his back stopped and Yooho’s breathing deepened, Semin carefully disentangled himself from his arms. He tiptoed out of bed as quietly as possible.

He didn’t have time to find his slippers. He crept out of the bedroom, his heels lifted off the floor. He went downstairs and into the bathroom on the first floor. The cold tile sent a chill through his feet. Semin huddled on the floor, shivering.

“…Sniff.”

He finally broke down, the tears he had been holding back overflowing. He sobbed silently, his face buried in his arms.

‘I’m an idiot.’

He was ashamed of himself for being so reckless and overconfident, and afraid that he had disappointed Yooho.

‘Maybe Joseph was right…’

He must be tired of me. He must think I’m difficult and bothersome.

‘Semin is a difficult person, so I have to cater to him…’

So even if he said that, it can’t be helped.

Semin’s shoulders shook as he was overwhelmed with a wave of self-pity. He had told himself he would wait until after the competition. That he would confront Yooho then. How could he have been so arrogant and foolish? And about what?

What should I do? Semin’s breathing grew ragged as he wept silently. He felt dizzy, a sign of hyperventilation.

“…Ah.”

He covered his mouth with both hands, taking deep, shaky breaths. He resented his body for not even allowing him to cry freely. He huddled on the floor, desperately trying to calm himself down, when he heard a voice.

“Semin.”

The gentle knock sounded like a thunderclap. He looked up, startled, his eyes wide.

“Semin, are you in there?”

Yooho asked softly, then knocked again. Semin, panicked, checked that the door was locked and breathed a sigh of relief.

“…Yes, I’m… I’m in here.”

He cleared his throat, but he couldn’t completely hide the tremor in his voice. Yooho was silent for a moment, then suddenly rattled the doorknob. Even though he knew the door was locked, Semin flinched, goosebumps rising on the back of his neck.

“Why is the door locked?”

“I… I was sweating again, so I was… washing up. I’ll be up soon, Sir.”

“Open the door.”

The doorknob rattled again. Semin froze, unsure what to do. Then the door shook slightly with a thud.

“Semin, open the door.”

“I’ll be right up, Sir…”

“Just open it for a second.”

“…….”

“If you don’t open it, I’ll break it down.”

His voice was calm but firm. Semin couldn’t tell if he was serious or not. He quickly stood up and looked at his reflection in the mirror. His cheeks were flushed and tear-stained.

“Sir, I’ll be right up. Really.”

“Open it now.”

“…Not now…”

“Semin. I really can break this door down.”

The door shook again, more violently this time, with another thud. Semin couldn’t think of any more excuses or ways out. He closed his eyes and turned the doorknob.

Click. The lock disengaged, and Yooho’s large frame appeared in the doorway. Semin hunched over, unable to meet his eyes, overwhelmed with guilt.

“…Kang Semin.”

Yooho’s voice was laced with a sigh. He took a step closer and knelt down.

“Why are you like this?”

Large, warm hands covered Semin’s feet, one at a time. The warmth against his cold skin made his nose tingle again. Semin shook his head and started rambling.

“W-well, I wanted to take a shower, but I didn’t want to wake you up by using the bathroom in the bedroom… so I came here.”

“That’s not what I’m asking.”

“…….”

“At least put some clothes on… You’re freezing.”

Yooho adjusted Semin’s loose robe and cupped his cheek. Semin knew he was trying to look at his face, but he stubbornly kept his head down.

“Semin, look at me.”

Even though he could easily force Semin to do what he wanted, Yooho chose to ask instead. That made it even harder to resist. Semin finally looked up, biting his lip. He averted his gaze, but their faces were so close that he could see Yooho’s hardening expression.

“…What in the…”

Yooho trailed off, letting out a long, deep sigh. He gently cupped the back of Semin’s neck and pulled him closer. Semin was pulled into an embrace, his eyes widening.

“Semin.”

Yooho sat down on the bathroom floor, pulling Semin onto his lap. He held Semin close, rubbing his back as if trying to warm him up.

“Is this because of what happened earlier?”

“…….”

“I’m sorry. I should have controlled myself…”

Ah, Semin sighed involuntarily. It was happening again. Shame heated his face.

“…No, no, Sir. It’s… I had a nightmare…”

“What?”

“I… I do this sometimes. When I have a really bad dream… but I thought you’d be… embarrassed if you knew, so…”

“…….”

So I tried to hide it. He didn’t know if his hastily concocted excuse was believable. In any case, Yooho tightened his hold on him, saying, “Is that so?”

“If that’s the case… now that I know, cry in my arms.”

“…….”

“I was so worried. I woke up and you were gone.”

A kiss on his temple, and the tears started flowing again. Semin clung to Yooho’s neck, sniffling. Oh, what should I do…?

I like him. I don’t want to break up with him, no matter what he thinks of me.

‘After the competition…’

I’ll tell him everything then. I’ll apologize for the track suit incident and beg him for another chance. I’ll tell him I’ll do better, that I’ll try to be a better person… and ask him to just wait a little longer.

“…I’m sorry, Sir…”

His choked apology faded into the air. Yooho patted his back reassuringly, as if he understood everything.