CCS Ch 20 – Main Story End.
by soapaIn the 400m freestyle, which was held first, Yooho was assigned to the first heat of the preliminaries. Thus, the new Asian record he set in his very first race remained displayed at the bottom of the screen throughout the remaining preliminary heats. Numerous athletes dove in and desperately churned through the water, yet none could come close to his time. The reporters and commentators, beyond excited and practically frantic, cheered and declared Hyun Yooho’s double gold medal win a foregone conclusion.
“Hyun Yooho’s 400m final will take place tonight at 8 PM. Judging by his preliminary time, we can certainly expect excellent results. Enjoy a relaxing dinner while you watch.”
“Interest is also extremely high for the 1500m final, which will be held the day after tomorrow. Hyun Yooho’s Fast heat final is scheduled for 8:30 PM. Don’t miss the fastest live broadcast of the Asian Games – be sure to tune in!”
The screen then switched to Yooho, wearing his swimming cap, answering questions from a throng of reporters.
“Hyun Yooho, you just set a new Asian record in the 400m preliminaries. Did you anticipate this result?”
“I didn’t anticipate it, but I’m happy. I think the results of my hard training are starting to show.”
“Could you share your thoughts on the upcoming final this afternoon?”
“The final time is what matters. I’ll put my current achievements behind me and approach it calmly.”
As soon as the news segment ended, a Lee Kang Dairy commercial aired. A newsflash in the top right corner continuously displayed Hyun Yooho’s preliminary time. It felt as if the entire nation was talking about Hyun Yooho simultaneously.
Amidst the fervor and commotion, palpable even within the quiet hospital room, Semin wondered: Could he have been completely mistaken once again?
Had someone so extraordinary ever needed his comfort in the first place?
“…”
He felt a bittersweet mix of disappointment and relief. Semin typed a brief congratulatory message and lay back down. He needed to catch up on sleep to be in good condition for his surgery.
‘After the competition…’
I have something to talk to you about. Semin’s eyes shot open, and he sat up again.
‘He’s not actually going to break up with me, is he?’
He recalled his embarrassing behavior during their trip. What if, after two months apart, Yooho decided he didn’t need to continue the relationship? The mere thought was heartbreaking, but Semin couldn’t easily dismiss it.
Restless, he got out of bed. He felt dizzy the moment his feet touched the floor, but he forced himself out of the room. He needed to recover quickly and see Yooho. As soon as he stepped into the hallway and gripped the safety rail, a cold sweat broke out.
“My boy, are you going to exercise?”
Kim, returning with fresh hospital garments, asked. Semin nodded and began walking slowly.
“Shall I go with you?”
“N… no. I’ll just walk around a bit.”
Lying in bed with reduced lung capacity quickly weakens the body. It felt as though he’d never learned to breathe on land, each step constricting his airway and leaving him gasping for air. Each time, Semin felt like a fish thrown onto dry land. Unlike a fish that could return to the water to breathe, Semin had nowhere to go.
“Ha…”
Just walking back and forth along the hospital corridor already left him short of breath and his legs wobbly. He felt he was reaching his limit, but he forced himself to take another step.
‘Even if it’s hard, I have to do it.’
Yooho on the screen, despite his overwhelming record, remained impassive, unfazed by the flood of praise. Semin knew well what he sacrificed daily to maintain that composure. Sometimes, after finishing training, Yooho would call with an utterly exhausted voice. It evoked pity, but also made Semin wonder just how intense the training must have been for someone like him to sound so drained.
Though he could hardly compare himself, Semin thought that if he could even slightly emulate Yooho, perhaps something might improve.
With a snap, the safety bar released, and the emergency staircase appeared. Semin lifted his sweat-soaked face. The cool air from the ward’s air conditioning settled around the chilly landing.
“Phew…”
Semin, moving with deliberate steps, gripped the railing and slowly lowered his body. As soon as he sat on the first step leading downward, his soles burned with a tingling sensation. Rubbing his aching calves, the dizziness in his mind gradually subsided.
He felt proud of enduring the strain and moving enough to sweat. Proud over merely wandering the ward’s corridors? Anyone else might scoff, but for Semin, it was monumental progress.
Not long after sitting in a daze to rest, his sweat cooled, and a shiver ran down his spine. Shrinking his shoulders, Semin stood again. One hand steadied the railing, the other grasped the IV pole’s handle when the phone, resting on the stand, buzzed loudly. It was Yooho.
“…”
He quickly cleared his throat. His hoarse voice had recovered enough to pass as someone who’d just woken up.
“Hell… hello?”
Whispering as cautiously as possible, he heard a short laugh.
“Did you sleep?”
Hearing Yooho’s voice after so long, Semin felt a sudden urge to cry. Leaning against the railing, he quietly steadied his breathing.
“Sir, congratulations…”
“Congrats for what? It’s just the prelims.”
“Still, a new record…”
“So you finally answer my call because of a new record? Good thing I worked hard.”
Chuckling, Semin froze the next moment. Was that a reproach for avoiding calls? Hesitating anxiously, Yooho continued in a gentle tone.
“It’s nice to hear your voice after so long.”
“…Me, me too. I’m so happy too.”
“Really?”
His questioning tone was no different from usual—calm and soft. Yet, Semin’s fingertips stiffened again.
“Really happy?”
Why ask that? Hesitating, Semin nodded first.
“Yes, of, of course. Really…”
“Did you watch the prelims today?”
“…What? Oh…”
“Are you coming to the finals?”
It felt like blood drained from his temples. His scalp tingled, and his tongue froze. He surely didn’t mean watching on TV. Blinking rapidly, Semin released the railing and rubbed his mouth.
“Well… Sir, I…”
Stammering without continuing, a low sigh came through.
“Semin.”
“…”
“You saw today, but I’m not the type whose personal life affects my performance.”
Semin’s lips moved blankly. Yooho’s words didn’t immediately register.
“So if you have something to say, you can say it.”
Something to say? As he hesitated, cold sweat soaked his palms.
Had Yooho heard he was in the hospital? If so, from whom? Should he make excuses? But how?
A bead of sweat dripped, and his fingers curled. He kept feeling he’d drop the phone. Semin wiped his damp hand on his clothes, switching hands. What to say? How to avoid angering him…
“…Oh.”
His bad premonition was spot-on. The phone slipped from his weakened grip. Lowering himself to catch it, he saw it slide through the railing’s gap.
It would likely plummet to the first floor and shatter, but Semin’s immediate problem was different. Straining his sluggish body to move quickly, his balance collapsed in an instant.
A visceral sense of danger pierced him. He needed to grab something to avoid falling. His outstretched hand caught the IV pole. A hollow laugh escaped as his foot slipped from the slipper, and his upper body tilted backward completely.
In the brief moment of tumbling down the sharp stairs to the cold floor, regret was all that surfaced. He should’ve stopped when it was tough. Why push to walk this far? If he’d sat on the ascending stairs instead of the descending ones, he wouldn’t have fallen.
“You need to try harder to live like others.”
In his fading consciousness, Semin suddenly felt sorrow. Every time he tried to mimic others, it felt like someone tripped him. You can’t do that. All you can do is endure periodic pain and live invisibly.
Thus, Semin realized. People often say life’s pains carry great lessons, but that only applies to those who can overcome them. In reality, this world holds far more meaningless pains—ones you must endure repeatedly, as if for the first time, with no destination.
It took him 20 years to accept that.
Hearing the clamor of approaching voices, Semin slowly closed his eyes. Warm liquid stained his ears. It didn’t matter anymore. He just wanted to rest, even briefly.
* * *
―The subscriber you have dialed is not available. Please leave a message after the tone…
The automated message played as soon as Yooho redialed the abruptly disconnected call. He let out a frustrated sigh.
“What is he doing…”
He practically threw his phone down and leaned his head back. He’d anticipated this since Semin hadn’t shown up at the preliminaries. Semin might have thought he could easily deceive him, but even in a crowded venue, one could still see who was sitting in the nearby seats, especially during the day.
“Myunghoon.”
“Huh? Yeah?”
Myunghoon, who had been pretending not to observe Yooho’s mood, looked up, startled.
“You did send the tickets, right?”
“Huh? Yeah, I sent them right after we talked, through the general manager…”
“…”
“Why? D…did Kang Semin not come?”
Yooho just sighed deeply without replying. Myunghoon started fidgeting even more.
“He’s not coming to the finals either? Why…?”
“If I knew, would I be this frustrated…?”
He hadn’t expected Semin to not attend the competition at all. Yooho ran a hand through his hair irritably, his annoyance growing. Myunghoon, watching him with a worried expression, cautiously asked, “Is he… is he sick or something? You said he gets sick often.”
“I thought of that, but…”
He couldn’t tell Myunghoon about what had happened during their trip. Yooho closed his mouth again and covered his eyes with his arm.
He had planned to talk to Semin calmly after the competition, but seeing Semin’s empty seat had made him incredibly anxious. The fact that it hadn’t affected his performance was solely due to his diligent training.
Nervousness and confidence are like two liquids in the same bottle, never mixing. The bottle has a limited capacity, so the only way to reduce nervousness is to increase the volume of confidence. Training and practice were the only ways to increase that volume.
That was why Yooho had never been nervous before a competition, except when injured. He never got overly excited or depressed by better or worse-than-expected results. That was why he could touch the touchpad first and exit the lane as if it were nothing.
However, he couldn’t maintain his composure after the competition, when he was alone. He’d thought a short phone call would help, but he hadn’t expected to be so blatantly rejected.
“This is driving me crazy…”
He muttered through gritted teeth, causing Myunghoon to tense up. Licking his dry lips and hesitating for a long time, Myunghoon finally spoke cautiously, “Um… Hyun, no… Yooho.”
“What.”
“So right now… it seems like Kang Semin is upset with you for some reason… but you don’t know why… is that it?”
Yooho slowly lowered his arm. When their eyes met, Myunghoon quickly looked away. Sensing the somber mood, Yooho slowly sat up.
“What is it?”
“…”
“What are you trying to say?”
“No… no, what I mean is…”
Myunghoon raised his empty hand, then sighed deeply.
“Well… um… I just want you to focus on the competition… that’s all…”
It wasn’t helpful, but it was undeniably true. Yooho rubbed his face and adjusted his posture. Myunghoon added in a worried tone, “Just finish the competition the day after tomorrow, then think about it. Okay?”
“…”
“There are two days left. Nothing will happen in two days, right?”
Would it really? Yooho furrowed his brows, resting his chin on his hand.
‘When he talked about emigrating…’
‘I was looking into something…’
‘I have to meet my nephew who’s studying abroad…’
The more he recalled Semin’s words, the more they felt like ominous signs. Ignoring Myunghoon’s concerned gaze, Yooho called Semin again. When the automated message played again, he almost threw his phone.
Being stressed in a confined environment easily clouded judgment. He knew he should listen to his staff, especially in times like this. In this case, it meant listening to Myunghoon.
Despite that, he felt a strong urge to ignore the rational advice and rush out. The fact that the results of two years of grueling training hinged on the next two days seemed completely insignificant.
The only thing stopping him was the thought that if he abandoned the competition, he might never see Semin again. Yooho forced himself to calm down and gently put his phone down. If he kept calling, Semin would eventually answer. Unless he really had run away overseas.
However, Semin’s phone remained off. Naturally, he couldn’t get through. ‘Nothing will happen in two days, right?’ Myunghoon’s words echoed in his mind, now a source of anxiety. ‘Will it really?’
The competition, burdened by his worries, felt tedious.
* * *
After winning gold in the 400m final, Yooho broke the Asian record in the 1500m Fast heat final the day after, securing another gold medal.
Since the previous record was also Yooho’s, the commentary booth was twice as festive. The commentators showered Yooho with endless praise, claiming he didn’t look tired at all and could achieve even better times. They even asserted that he could aim for an Olympic medal in two years.
Lee Kang Dairy’s stock prices had risen noticeably since the start of the competition, and their products were flying off the shelves. As soon as Yooho’s gold medal was confirmed, the company posted a congratulatory message on their official SNS, announcing an upcoming autograph session with Hyun Yooho.
“Hyun Yooho!”
“Hyun Yooho, congratulations on your two gold medals! Can we have a quick interview?”
Dozens of microphones were thrust towards him as soon as he stepped off the podium. Since the official interview was scheduled for 10 minutes later, Yooho politely excused himself with a brief thank you and headed to the waiting room.
His phone buzzed incessantly with congratulatory messages. He turned off all notifications and called Semin. He held out a sliver of hope, but the same automated message played.
―The subscriber you have dialed…
There were no new messages either. At this point, he felt more drained than angry. Yooho slumped down, leaning on his wobbly knees.
“What is going on…”
The locker door brushed against his furrowed brow. Clicking his tongue, Yooho slammed the open door shut. “Kwang!” The loud bang was immediately followed by a familiar voice.
“Holy crap! What’s wrong with you?”
He turned to see Myunghoon, clutching his chest in surprise. He must have come to get him for the interview. Yooho silently stood up.
“You just damaged property, you crazy bastard… What’s gotten into you?”
Myunghoon sighed, examining the dented metal door. He tried to straighten it, but gave up with a frustrated groan, running a hand through his hair.
“What’s with all this commotion on such a good day…”
“…”
“…Why, is Kang Semin still not answering? Should I ask the general manager to contact him?”
“Leave it.”
Yooho answered coldly and pulled out a towel. As he placed it on his damp hair to cool down, Myunghoon added in a timid voice, “No, I’ll ask him. Okay?”
“Lee Myunghoon.”
“Huh?”
“Just leave it alone. I told you to drop it. The competition is over, so why are you interfering?”
His suspicion was turning into anger. Yes, there must be a reason. But did that give Semin the right to shut him out like this? Myunghoon listened quietly to his sharp tone, then let out a deep sigh.
“Well… actually, I’m telling you this because the competition is over…”
“What?”
“Let me just get on my knees first…”
Myunghoon mumbled gloomily and actually knelt down. Yooho stared at him in disbelief, a chuckle escaping his lips.
“What are you doing?”
“I… I’m not entirely sure. I mean… does this make sense? That’s what I’m thinking…”
“…What?”
“But is there any other reason for him to go silent other than that? And since he’s so kind and sensitive, as they say… it’s possible…”
Yooho had long lost patience for his rambling. He frowned and pressed him, “What are you talking about? Get to the point.”
“I… I told him everything that day.”
What? Yooho was about to ask back instinctively, but stopped. He knew exactly which day Myunghoon was referring to, even without further explanation.
“I was going to tell you too, but Kang Semin looked so shocked that I was taken aback as well… Back then, I thought, ‘what’s the big deal?’, but since you two are dating, I thought maybe that was the reason…”
“…”
“But Yooho, please believe me on this. I really thought Kang Semin was bullying you. If I had known you two were… like that, I would never have done it.”
“…”
“You should have told me beforehand, or… no, I’m not blaming you or anything…”
The first thing that came to mind was Semin’s pale, shocked face. The image of him trembling, unable to meet his eyes, was vivid, as if it had just happened.
‘S…Sir. Don’t hold back… anything you want to do with me.’
His furrowed brows were damp with cold sweat. Even then, Yooho had known. That something was wrong.
‘I can do it all for you, S…Sir. Anything you want to do… I can do anything for you. Anything…’
He had assumed it would be useless to press him, but had he really been right? Yooho pressed a hand to his forehead, trying to calm his boiling emotions. Myunghoon, cautiously gauging his reaction, added, “Anyway, so, if Kang Semin really isn’t answering because of that… if that’s the case, I’ll explain it properly.”
Myunghoon hunched his shoulders and lowered his head again, as if ready to prostrate himself. The sight fueled Yooho’s anger. He should have told him the truth when he first asked. Yooho was about to lash out, but stopped himself.
Regardless of the intention or context, the words had come from his mouth. It would have been best if they hadn’t reached Semin, but he couldn’t solely blame the messenger when there was a speaker as well. Yooho covered his face with his hands, closing and opening his eyes.
More than anything, he didn’t have time for this.
“Hyun?”
Yooho opened his bag in silence. He pocketed his phone and wallet, prompting a confused question from Myunghoon.
“W…what are you doing? Where are you going?”
Without replying, Yooho flung open the waiting room door. Myunghoon, startled, straightened up and rushed towards him.
“Where are you going? Huh? Where are you going?”
“I’ll be back.”
“Are you leaving? Now? You have an interview!”
Yooho didn’t stop, even as Myunghoon shouted and clung to his clothes. Myunghoon switched to pleading, “No, hey! You crazy bastard… no, I was wrong. Please, just do the interview and then go, okay?”
“Let go.”
“Okay, okay, but at least change your clothes! Where are you going in your national team uniform?”
Yooho shook off Myunghoon’s grasp and ran down the hallway. Myunghoon was left standing there, dumbfounded, clutching his head.
“Damn it…”
His stupid mouth, his stupid mouth. He berated himself, but it was no use crying over spilt milk.
Yooho pushed past the calls and outstretched hands, hopped into a taxi, and let out a long sigh. The driver asked for his destination and glanced at him in the rearview mirror, but Yooho barely registered his words.
‘He’s not my friend. I was just being accommodating because he’s a difficult person to deal with.’
As he replayed his own words, the image of the boisterous man who had visited the gym surfaced. He also remembered Semin cowering and shedding tears. Semin hadn’t given him the full story when he’d casually inquired, but the vague explanations had been enough to give him a general idea of the man’s character.
‘He said he was having a hard time because of me. But he kept it bottled up…’
The thought that his careless words might have inflicted a similar wound on Semin weighed heavily on his heart. Yooho rubbed his eyes with both hands, trying to calm his turbulent emotions.
Semin had heard such things from his boyfriend’s friend, yet couldn’t confront him with a major competition looming. He had tried to smooth things over during their trip, but ended up scaring Semin with his rough behavior. And even after all that, he had pressed him over the phone…
‘I’d be turned off too…’
It was already night after the finals and the awards ceremony. He knew it was inconsiderate to show up at Semin’s house unannounced at this hour. Regardless, it was better than doing nothing. Anxiety gnawed at him as he closed his eyes and took a deep breath.
It was past 10 PM when the taxi finally arrived at the fortress-like walls of Semin’s home. Yooho immediately pressed the doorbell. “Bzzzt, bzzzt.” The long ringing was followed by a voice from the speaker.
―Who is it?
It was an older woman’s voice, but not “Housekeeper.” Yooho clenched his fists and spoke politely, “I’m so sorry to bother you at this late hour. My name is Hyun Yooho.”
―Huh? Hyun Yooho?
A hint of surprise entered the previously calm voice. Before Yooho could say anything else, the gate clicked open.
―What brings you here? Come in.
“…”
He hadn’t expected the gate to open so easily. It was disconcerting, but ultimately a good thing. Yooho stepped inside and strode across the familiar garden. As he climbed the stone steps, the front door was open, just like his previous visit. A woman stood inside, smiling brightly.
“Hyun Yooho, it’s a pleasure to finally meet you in person.”
“…Ah, hello.”
“I’m Lee Jonghee. Semin’s mother.”
The woman gestured to herself. He had heard she was nearing seventy, but if not for her neatly combed back white hair, she could have passed for fifty. Yooho bowed deeply and apologized again.
“I’m truly sorry to visit without notice at this hour…”
“It’s alright. I’ve heard about you. They say you’ve been getting along well with our Semin.”
“…”
“I’m so grateful. Semin is so fond of you, you know? I was worried because he doesn’t seem to get along well with others, perhaps because our family has always doted on him…”
She stopped mid-sentence, covering her mouth with her hand.
“Oh my, look at me, just going on and on. I haven’t even congratulated you. You won two gold medals today, right? That’s amazing, truly amazing.”
“Ah, thank y…”
“But unfortunately, Semin is still in the hospital.”
She frowned sympathetically, leaving Yooho momentarily speechless. What?
“…Hospital?”
“Yes, I’m so upset. He seemed to be recovering well, but then he had an accident and can’t even have his surgery.”
An accident and surgery? Yooho blinked, struggling to follow. The elderly woman continued lamenting, “He’s just like a child at times like these. How can anyone manage to fall down the hospital stairs?”
“…”
“Thankfully, he only suffered scrapes and bruises. But still, the housekeeper was so shocked she almost fainted. And that’s not all, the whole family’s lifespan was shortened by half, but the first thing he did when he woke up was ask if anyone found his phone.”
The elderly woman shuddered, as if reliving the horror. Yooho just blinked, speechless. A fall down the stairs while hospitalized…
“So we found out he’d dropped it through the gap in the stair railing and it fell all the way to the first floor. It was completely smashed… what was it called, the SIM card? That was broken too. They said it’s beyond repair.”
When was the last time he had spoken to Semin before the call cut off?
“The housekeeper and I are going crazy because his surgery is postponed, but he’s crying his eyes out because he can’t retrieve the pictures from his phone… I don’t know when he’ll finally grow up.”
The elderly woman trailed off, then looked at Yooho with a look of realization. “So, Hyun Yooho, did you come all the way here because you couldn’t reach Semin?”
“…Ah, yes. That’s right.”
The outcome was the same, even if the process was different. The elderly woman nodded sadly. “I see.”
“Would you like to visit him at the hospital? It’s quite late, though.”
Yooho was taken aback. He hadn’t expected such a friendly offer.
“Is it… alright for me to go?”
“Of course it is. I’ll let the housekeeper know. Actually, it would be better if you went with Mr. Jung’s car. It would be nice if you could comfort him.”
The elderly woman quickly picked up her phone. Yooho waved his hands, declining her offer.
“No, it’s fine. I’ll call a taxi.”
“Just take the car. Mr. Jung hasn’t left yet.”
“It’s really okay. If you just tell me where…”
“It’s alright, alright. Just take the car.”
It was difficult to refuse any further. Yooho was ushered to the garage, where he encountered Mr. Jung again.
“It’s been a while, Mr. Hyun.”
“Haha…”
He couldn’t respond to the casual greeting. In the quiet car, Yooho replayed everything he’d heard. Semin had been hospitalized for a while, a surgery was scheduled, and then he had an accident… Despite all this, Semin’s family seemed calm. He couldn’t know their true feelings, but they at least possessed the composure to welcome and greet his friend.
Yooho realized that they, too, were used to this. They had lived through similar situations for so long that they wouldn’t lose their composure or become overly distressed in public just because Semin was sick and hospitalized.
“…”
He also understood the implication. It meant that Semin wasn’t in immediate danger or a critical condition. Yet, he couldn’t shake the feeling of hot water churning in his stomach.
It had been so long since he’d felt this emotion that it took him a while to identify it. It wasn’t until they arrived at the familiar hospital entrance that Yooho finally named the turbulent feeling consuming him: anger.
* * *
Despite his efforts to calm down on the way to Semin’s room, the anger persisted. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been this furious. He had to pause outside the door, taking deep breaths before he could finally grip the handle.
The familiar smell of antiseptic wafted out as he opened the door. The first thing he saw was an empty caregiver’s sofa. Yooho closed the door behind him and slowly walked further inside. A faint voice came from deeper within the room.
“Housekeeper…?”
His voice, horribly raspy, felt like it tore a hole in Yooho’s chest. He clenched his jaw, took a final step, and looked up. Semin was sitting up in bed, propped against the raised headboard.
Semin gasped when their eyes met. Yooho stared at him, speechless, for a long moment. Semin’s face was gaunt and flushed with fever, a large bandage covering a greenish bruise on his right cheek. His lips were chapped and cracked, and his thin arms were littered with IV lines, a truly pitiful sight.
“Hyun…”
Semin barely managed to speak before dropping his head. Yooho opened his mouth, then raised a hand to his face, burying his forehead in it with a deep sigh.
“What in the world…”
He had seen Semin sick many times, but never this bad. His eyes were sunken, and he looked as if he might collapse at any moment. Yooho felt his anger rising again. He hunched over, his face still buried in his hand.
“Sir…”
Even Semin’s weak voice grated on his nerves. All of Yooho’s efforts to remain calm were futile. He couldn’t possibly be unaffected by this sight.
“Sir, how did you get here…?”
Semin asked urgently, then winced. Yooho clicked his tongue and looked up.
“Semin.”
“Ah, it’s okay. I just moved suddenly… It’s okay. H…how did you know where I was? Did Noona tell you…?”
Semin’s pale forehead was damp with cold sweat. Yooho stared at him silently, then asked in a strained voice, “You said you were meeting your nephew who’s visiting from abroad.”
“…”
“Did you plan to meet your nephew here?”
Semin’s lips trembled as he avoided Yooho’s gaze. He really hadn’t wanted to interrogate him like this. Yooho rubbed his feverish forehead.
“You…”
He managed to suppress his rising anger, but couldn’t hide the hardness in his voice. Semin flinched. Yooho clenched his jaw as the silence stretched.
“I know you’re angry.”
His words, strained and muffled, were barely audible even to his own ears, swallowed by his naturally low voice. Semin blinked, then asked belatedly, “…What?”
Yooho looked up and took a deep breath.
“I know you’re mad at me. And you have every right to be. But even so…”
“Sir, what…”
The more he tried to control it, the clearer the nature of his anger became. His stomach churned with rising heat. Yooho finally burst out, “Even so, how could you let me find out about you being in this state from someone else?!”
You and your family might be used to this. You might comfort each other and regain your composure, saying it’s something you always go through. But I…
“How could you make me worry like this…?”
Semin flinched at his raised voice. Yooho stopped himself mid-sentence and scrubbed a hand over his face. A sense of emptiness washed over him as he finally identified the emotion that had been churning within him since he got in the car.
It wasn’t anger. It was betrayal. He wanted to ask, what am I to you, that you could do this to me?
“What were you planning to do?”
Did he really intend to disappear like this? In such a broken state, unable to even hold onto someone’s arm?
Though their time together had been short, he didn’t think their feelings had been shallow. If Semin had any respect for their time together, any lingering affection, he couldn’t have shut him out like this.
“…Say something.”
Yooho mumbled, his head bowed. Semin just blinked, unable to answer. He couldn’t understand what Yooho was saying. He was simply afraid of Yooho’s unusual demeanor, terrified that he might turn and leave at any moment.
“Hy…Hyun…”
He wanted to hold onto him. He moved to get out of bed, but a sharp pain shot through his body. Yooho rushed towards him as he swayed and groaned.
“…Stay still.”
“Sir, I…”
Semin quickly grabbed Yooho’s shirt. He felt like he couldn’t let go, no matter what. Yooho looked down at his dry, cracked hand, then sighed heavily.
“Myunghoon told me.”
Semin’s heart dropped as he processed Yooho’s words. Cold sweat trickled down his skin, and his hands started shaking. He opened and closed his mouth, shaking his head frantically.
“N…no… no. What…”
“I know you’re disappointed and angry. Of course you are.”
“No, no. That’s not it.”
Semin squeezed Yooho’s shirt tighter. He couldn’t understand why Yooho was bringing this up. It was a topic Yooho had no reason to mention. His mind raced with ominous premonitions. As Semin trembled, Yooho continued, his voice carefully measured, despite his inner turmoil.
“But if you give me a chance to explain…”
“N…no!”
Semin cried out as if stabbed, gasping for breath. His eyes, red-rimmed, filled with tears.
“No. I don’t… I don’t want to hear it. Don’t…”
Tears streamed down his face, and Yooho fell silent. Semin lowered his head, sobbing quietly for a long time. Each hurried breath was accompanied by a wheezing sound. Yooho didn’t want to hear it. Even if Semin had said those things, he wanted to pretend he hadn’t. He felt like he would be exposed if he brought it up. And then, he might lose Semin completely.
Yooho watched Semin crumble, unable to speak. He hadn’t expected this to be easy, but Semin’s wounds seemed deeper than he’d anticipated, and it pained him.
“Is it really not possible?”
If Semin had already made up his mind, if he had been preparing for this breakup, then it was only natural.
Yooho, his hand still covering his forehead, slowly stood up. He gently pried Semin’s hand off his shirt. Semin finally looked up, his face streaked with tears.
“Semin.”
Yooho met his gaze and whispered, “I’m sorry.”
Semin’s eyes widened. His dark pupils seemed to shatter like broken glass. Yooho gently stroked his cheek and continued, “I’m sorry for everything I did to hurt you.”
“…Sir?”
Semin licked his dry lips, his chest tightening. Yooho closed and opened his eyes, murmuring calmly, “I know you don’t want to hear my excuses, but even if we break up, I’d like you to give me one chance. So if… even if it’s much later, if you ever feel like hearing me out…”
“…What?”
“Contact me then. I’ll be waiting.”
Yooho let go of his hand, stood up, and offered a faint smile. Semin remained frozen, still bewildered.
“Get well soon…”
“…”
“I’ll be waiting.”
Yooho turned and left after the mature farewell. Semin’s heart pounded in his ears. He sat there dumbfounded, replaying Yooho’s words only after he had reached the door.
Even if we break up.
‘…Break up?’
A loud ringing filled his ears. He scrambled out of bed. The cold hospital floor sent a jolt of pain through his bare feet. ‘Sir,’ he wanted to call out, but the word was trapped in his throat. He stumbled forward, finally able to move his stiff tongue.
“Sir!”
His cry, though cracked and broken, was enough to stop Yooho. He turned, a look of confusion on his face, just before reaching the sliding door. Semin rushed towards him and threw his arms around his waist. Yooho froze in surprise, but quickly placed a hand on the back of Semin’s head to steady him.
“Sir, I… I can’t. I don’t want to break up.”
“…What?”
Yooho asked, bewildered. Tears streamed down Semin’s face again as he blurted out, “Please. I… I’ll really try harder. I’ll be a better person. So you don’t have to… think that way, and just… just someone you can like…”
“Semin.”
“Sir, sob, you’re too good for me, Sir. I… I don’t understand other people’s feelings, sob, and I’m slow, and… I couldn’t go to school, and I can’t do anything… and I stupidly fell down the stairs, and I… I’m truly lacking, and I hate myself for it, but…”
Gasping coughs punctuated his rushed words. Yooho, still dumbfounded, gently rubbed Semin’s back. The comforting touch made Semin cry harder, burying his face in Yooho’s chest.
“Just once. Please give me one more chance. Sir, I…”
“Semin, wait a minute.”
“Please don’t leave me…”
Semin’s childlike sobs filled the room, and he slid to the floor. Yooho was at a loss for words. He bent down and slipped his arms under Semin’s armpits, lifting him up. Semin immediately clung to Yooho’s neck.
“If… if you give me one more chance, and even then it doesn’t work… then… then I’ll give up.”
“…”
“So please, just this once…”
The room was filled with Semin’s heartbroken sobs again. Yooho felt his warm breath against his neck and gently stroked his forehead. Semin’s skin was burning hot and damp with sweat. It wasn’t just from the tears. He had a high fever.
“Semin.”
“Sir, I… I, just once…”
“Okay. Okay, let’s lie down first. Come here.”
He lifted Semin, supporting his weight, and Semin obediently lowered his head, hiccuping. Yooho started to carry him to the bed, then stopped. Semin was clinging tightly to his neck, refusing to let go.
“I’m not going anywhere, so just lie down. Okay?”
He soothed Semin, stroking his back, and Semin finally loosened his grip. Still seemingly insecure, he clutched Yooho’s shirt with one hand. Yooho sighed, watching Semin sniffle. What a mess.
“First, um… Semin. We…”
Yooho paused, then offered a small smile. This seemed like the best course of action for now.
“I think we have some misunderstandings. Shall we clear those up first?”
Now that he was closer, Yooho noticed the bruises scattered across Semin’s face and limbs. He hid his concern and smiled gently. Semin hiccuped, taking a shaky breath.
* * *
Yooho paused as he stepped out of the room. An elderly woman with neatly tied white hair was sitting on a chair in the hallway, her back perfectly straight. Yooho bowed his head respectfully when their eyes met.
“I apologize. I didn’t realize you were waiting outside.”
“No, no. I’m so happy and grateful you came… Semin has been so down because he couldn’t go see his friend’s competition.”
“Ah…”
“I heard you won the competition? That’s wonderful. Your parents must be so proud.”
“Thank you.”
The elderly woman smiled kindly and glanced past Yooho’s shoulder into the room. Then, lowering her voice, she asked, “Did you talk things through?”
“Well…”
Yooho shrugged, a troubled expression on his face.
“He just fell asleep… Would it be alright if I stayed here tonight?”
The elderly woman blinked in surprise. The request seemed to make her uncomfortable as well. She tilted her head thoughtfully.
“It’s fine if your wife allows it, but… are you sure it’s okay for you? I heard you’re a very famous athlete, so you must be busy.”
“It’s alright. My manager will handle things.”
‘He better, if he has any conscience,’ Yooho thought, then added, “If it’s too much trouble, I’ll talk to Semin when he wakes up and then leave.”
“Oh, no, no. It’s fine. I’ll talk to your wife.”
The elderly woman waved her hand dismissively and took out her phone. Yooho waited patiently, watching her explain the situation and smile.
“Your wife is more than happy to let you stay. She’s very fond of Semin’s friends.”
“Ah…”
“So, shall I come back tomorrow morning?”
“Yes, and I apologize for the inconvenience.”
“Not at all. Thanks to your friend, I get a day off. The hospital room might not be the most comfortable, but enjoy your time.”
The elderly woman patted Yooho’s shoulder and walked away with a smile. Yooho finally called Myunghoon. When he told him he would return by tomorrow morning, Myunghoon freaked out, complaining about the mess, but eventually sighed and said he’d handle it.
Yooho hadn’t expected him to say anything else anyway, so he hung up easily and returned to the room. Semin was fast asleep, curled up under the blanket. His forehead was still burning hot.
There was a wooden bowl of water and a small towel on the caregiver’s table. It seemed to be for placing a wet towel on Semin’s forehead. Should he do that? He started to turn away, but his shirt was tugged. He looked down to see Semin blinking at him, half-awake.
“You’re awake?”
Yooho bent down and kissed his furrowed brow, and Semin’s expression softened. He reached up and grasped Yooho’s shoulder, asking in a hoarse voice, “Sir… we’re not breaking up, right?”
Yooho wanted to smile, but he couldn’t. He pressed his lips against Semin’s fever-flushed cheek and replied, “No.”
“You said… what you said about accommodating me… wasn’t sincere, right?”
They had already discussed this thoroughly before Semin fell asleep. They had repeated the same conversation over and over. Still, Yooho repeated, “It wasn’t sincere… I’ve never felt that way, not even once.”
“…”
“I was worried that you would get caught up in the rumors about us being close.”
Even though he was stating facts, he felt uncomfortable because of the immense sadness he saw in Semin. He was also worried that Semin wouldn’t believe him. People tend to exaggerate the cause of their pain the greater the pain they experience. Yooho knew that telling someone who had suffered for a long time that it was all a misunderstanding could be cruel.
“Sir, when I… told you about my dream…”
Semin mumbled slowly, his eyes red and swollen. Yooho pressed his forehead against Semin’s and replied, “Yes.”
“You said… that if I told you about the shameful fantasies I had about you, you would answer one question for me, no matter what. Back then.”
Yooho chuckled at Semin’s next words. He kissed his dry lips softly.
“Can you answer it now…?”
“Yes.”
Semin hesitated at his immediate reply. His long eyelashes fluttered, tickling Yooho’s nose.
“Right now…”
His dry, cracked lips moved with difficulty.
“Right now, do you… even just a little… like me…?”
“…”
“I… I’m so happy when I’m with you, Sir… Do you…”
‘Are you happy when you’re with me?’ The simple question, laden with sadness, took Yooho’s breath away. He suddenly remembered the night he had talked to Semin on the rooftop of his studio apartment. Semin’s gentle, caring voice, filled with genuine concern and encouragement, had made him forget his difficult day and smile.
“I’ve always…”
Always felt that way.
“I’ve always been happy with you.”
Semin bit his lip at his calm reply. His jaw clenched as he fought back tears. Yooho kissed his warm cheek and continued softly, “When I’m with you…”
It always feels like a pleasant breeze. Even after a tiring day, hearing your voice always calms me down.
“That’s why I liked you. Always…”
“…”
“…And of course, I still do.”
Semin closed his eyes and hugged Yooho’s waist. Yooho leaned down, drawn by Semin’s embrace, and the hospital bed creaked precariously. He stroked Semin’s hair, repeating the same words. I’ve always liked you. I’ve never felt any other way. He wished he had said that from the beginning.
“Sir.”
Semin sniffled softly. Yooho hugged him tighter and replied, “Yes.”
“Recently, I’ve been thinking… that me getting sick all the time… and getting hurt like this… is just so meaningless…”
“…”
“I don’t know why I get sick, or when I’ll get better, and it’s just… frustrating that this happens out of the blue… I thought I had accepted it, but I guess not. So… this time I was really exhausted…”
“…I’m sorry.”
Yooho mumbled instinctively, listening to Semin’s quiet voice. “I couldn’t be there for you when you were struggling…”
He had spoken out of sympathy, but Semin quickly shook his head. His eyes were filled with bewilderment.
“That’s not… I wasn’t trying to say that…”
“I know. I just felt bad all of a sudden.”
“What I wanted to say is… meeting you like this, Sir, and hugging you… makes me so happy.”
“…”
“If you like me, Sir…”
“What have you been hearing? I told you I like you.”
Yooho playfully poked Semin’s side, and Semin squirmed with a giggle. The bed creaked loudly again, and they froze. They exchanged glances, and Semin let out a light laugh.
“I think you’re too heavy, Sir…”
“Ouch, you’re hurting my feelings.”
Yooho grinned, and Semin chuckled apologetically. He still didn’t seem to have any intention of letting go of Yooho.
“So… you do like me.”
“Yes.”
“I’ve been… thinking. Maybe the thoughts I had while I was sick… all those thoughts, one by one, shaped me, helped me grow…”
“…”
“So if you like me like this, Sir…”
Maybe there was meaning to the pain I endured. If all of it was to meet you, wasn’t it worth living for? Yooho listened quietly to Semin’s rambling thoughts, then pressed his forehead against his.
“I don’t want to deny it if it brings you comfort, but Semin,”
“…Yes.”
“I think differently. Pain doesn’t make people grow… it wears them down and consumes them.”
“…”
“So maybe the you I met was the most imperfect version of yourself you could have been.”
If you hadn’t been sick, if you could have gone to school, if you hadn’t been so deeply hurt – you would have greeted everyone kindly and been loved by all. You wouldn’t be so frail, withdrawn, and sickly like you are now.
“But I liked you anyway.”
Because I liked you, pouring out your vivid heart like squeezed paint, despite all the hurt and hardship you’ve endured.
Semin remained silent, his eyes flickering as he met Yooho’s gaze. Yooho hesitated, then added awkwardly, “…Did I say something wrong? I’m not very good with words…”
“N…no.”
Semin quickly shook his head and buried his face in Yooho’s neck. Yooho could feel his heart pounding against his chest. He sighed in relief and stroked Semin’s hair. “Semin,” he whispered, but there was no reply.
“Kang Semin.”
“…”
“Honey.”
“…What?”
Semin’s shoulders jumped in surprise. Yooho chuckled, lowering his voice, “Doesn’t it feel right? Honey.”
“Uh…um…”
“Isn’t it time to graduate from ‘Sir’?”
“I…I’ll…I’ll think about it…”
Goosebumps rose on Semin’s neck. “Alright,” Yooho whispered, kissing his earlobe.
“Sleep well.”
The affectionate words didn’t lower his fever. Semin closed his eyes obediently under Yooho’s gentle touch, snuggling closer.
He woke up because the bed felt unusually spacious. He opened his eyes to see the dim light of dawn filtering into the room. A faint smile touched his lips as he sat up. Yooho was asleep on the caregiver’s sofa, his arms crossed, his legs dangling over the armrest from the knees down.
“That must be uncomfortable…”
Semin mumbled and instinctively reached for his bedside table. He wanted to take a picture, but his camera and phone were gone. He sat on the edge of the bed, gazing at Yooho. His eyes gradually adjusted to the dim light.
He carefully put on his slippers and tiptoed towards the sofa. Yooho remained asleep. The city lights, filtering through the gaps in the curtains, traced a bluish outline on his face.
Semin sat down on the edge of the sofa table, admiring Yooho’s sleeping form. He framed Yooho’s face with his thumbs and index fingers, creating a virtual viewfinder. Within that imaginary frame, Yooho looked as calm and peaceful as a whale swimming in a predator-free ocean.
As he shifted his hands, adjusting the imaginary frame, Semin realized that the fever and pain that had plagued him for weeks had largely subsided. His experience told him this was a sign of recovery. He leaned closer and touched the armrest where Yooho’s head rested. He gently kissed his lips, and he could feel Yooho’s breath against his skin.
Tears welled up in his eyes, blurring the dawn light. Semin stared at Yooho, unblinking, for a long time. A feeling close to certainty filled him. He would never forget this color, this moment, for the rest of his life.
A warm sense of relief washed over him, like sunlight warming the waves. The comforting memory would undoubtedly give him strength for a long time to come. He closed his eyes, and a tear slipped down his cheek. Semin rested his head on Yooho’s chest, cherishing the promise of tomorrow. He believed, without a doubt, that this feeling, warming his long-ailing body, was love.