CCS Ch 7
by soapaThe vivid sunset spilled in through the fluttering curtains.
Semin blinked his heavy eyelids several times. The phone screen he fumbled for beside his pillow displayed the time: Monday, 5:40 PM. How long had he slept…? A throbbing headache hit him as soon as he buried his face in his pillow.
His last memory was collapsing onto his bed immediately after seeing Yooho off, following a dinner he couldn’t even recall where they’d gone. He’d been tired, but he hadn’t meant to sleep the entire day away. He forced his numb fingertips to work and pushed himself up, only to be hit with a wave of dizziness, as if the world had flipped upside down. He groaned for a while longer before finally managing to get out of bed.
“Water…”
His throat was parched and his body ached. A faint vibration stopped him as he stumbled towards the door.
“…….”
The screen of his phone, left on the bed, flickered dimly. Semin shuffled back and picked it up, his eyes stinging slightly.
[News interview and open training this Thursday. 6:02 PM]
[Come if you want to take photos ^^ 6:03 PM]
“Photos…”
His voice was raspy, his throat feeling like it was being scraped by claws. He cleared his throat several times before cautiously typing a reply.
[Okay]
A single, blinking cursor followed the simple word. What else should he say? ‘Thank you’? That seemed strange. ‘See you then’? It was fine, but… Lost in thought, he was startled by a sudden knock on the door.
“Semin.”
Semin jumped at the sound of his name and hurriedly put down his phone. At the same time, the door opened. Sungmin, dressed in a suit, stood there with a puzzled look on her face.
“What are you doing? Noona’s here, why didn’t you come down?”
“Oh, uh, Noona. You, you’re early. I, I didn’t hear anything.”
Semin stammered, and Sungmin tilted her head, a suspicious look on her face. Intimidated by her purposeful stride, Semin plopped down on the bed.
“Don’t tell me you’ve been sleeping this whole time?”
“Well…”
“Or are you sick? You weren’t at the shoot yesterday either, were you?”
“Huh? No, I was…”
“You were? Director Shin stopped by in the afternoon and said only Hyun Yooho was there, not you.”
“……Ah.”
Semin let out a belated, dazed sound. Sungmin was the head of Yooho’s Lee Kang Dairy commercial shoot. Of course she would have checked the situation on set.
“That’s… I went in the morning, but I wasn’t feeling well… so I came home early.”
“Is that so?”
“Yeah, it’s nothing serious…”
He wondered if she suspected he was lying because he didn’t want to see Joseph. A slight worry crept into his mind as he gauged her reaction, but Sungmin smiled and stroked his hair.
“Good job. You should always be aware of your condition and act accordingly. Are you feeling better now?”
“……Ah. Yes.”
He hesitated as he answered, and Sungmin’s hand moved down to his shoulder. Semin realized then that she had something she wanted to say. He looked at her expectantly, and Sungmin forced a smile.
“Joseph said he’ll be in Korea until this week.”
“……Yes?”
“He said he doesn’t have a place to stay in Seoul, and he seemed to be hinting that he’d like to stay at our place… I thought that wouldn’t be right, so I got him a room. Just thought you should know.”
Her eyes were cautious yet curious, almost probing. Semin thought for a moment, then asked calmly,
“Noona, did you meet Joseph…?”
Did you two meet without me even though I said I wasn’t going? As if she heard the unspoken words, Sungmin looked flustered.
“I didn’t have much time, so I couldn’t see him for long. He came near the company, so we just had a quick coffee.”
“…….”
“Are you mad I didn’t tell you beforehand?”
“Ah… No, it’s not that…”
Semin denied it first and then tilted his head. He was perplexed, but more than that, he was puzzled. He came near the company?
“He doesn’t have a place to stay means…”
“Joseph? Director Jung retired last year and moved to Gwangju. He said he’s working on a redevelopment project there.”
“Ah… but why is he in Seoul… doesn’t he go to his family home?”
“He said he’s only staying for a few days.”
I see. Breathing a sigh of relief inwardly, Semin forced a smile. Sungmin studied him for a moment before whispering cautiously,
“Joseph seemed like he wanted to see you.”
“…….”
“Don’t misunderstand. I didn’t say anything. I just said you had a schedule and couldn’t see him. But Joseph said first that he thought you wouldn’t see him because he had done a lot of wrong to you.”
“…….”
“He said that he has a lot of regrets and he’d like to talk to you, even if just for a little while…”
Semin swallowed hard. His throat stung. Unable to respond, he stood there blankly, and Sungmin patted his shoulder again.
“Semin. Everyone makes mistakes. It’s how you deal with those mistakes that matters.”
So, were all those things just mistakes to Joseph? Just youthful indiscretions?
“He’s going back on Thursday, so think about it until then.”
Semin, who had been frozen in place, finally nodded after she patted his shoulder once more. The thirst he had felt momentarily disappeared, and all the strength drained from his body. Left alone in his room, he tossed and turned in bed for a long time, but no answers came.
***
Yooho bolted awake to his familiar alarm and immediately grabbed his phone from the bedside table. The clear screen, devoid of any notifications, relentlessly signaled that it was time to head to the gym again.
‘Is he sick again?’
Yooho sat up and tilted his head. Semin had never failed to reply, except when he was hospitalized. Thinking he should call him in the afternoon, Yooho headed for the bathroom. The moment he turned on the faucet with his toothbrush in his mouth, cold water cascaded down from above.
“…….”
Yooho sighed deeply and stepped back. The showerhead hanging next to the mirror was spraying cold water vigorously. He usually showered at the gym and came home, but on the rare occasions he showered and slept at home, this happened every morning.
He quickly washed his face and brushed his teeth under the deluge, then shook out his wet hair. His coach would already be waiting. It took him less than five minutes to change into his pre-laid-out training clothes and leave the apartment.
“Hyun, you seem a little out of it today?”
Myunghoon lightly chided him as he held out the timer. Yooho, trying to avoid the disappointing numbers, flopped onto his back. Splash. He didn’t have the strength to resist the buoyancy that pushed his momentarily submerged body back up. As he floated无力地, letting out a groan, Myunghoon asked in a deliberately light tone,
“What’s wrong? Were you tired from filming over the weekend?”
“That too…”
“What else? Tell your genius manager everything.”
The first thing that came to mind was the still-empty message inbox on his phone, even after checking it at lunchtime. They had parted ways the night before last, and he had contacted Semin last night, so no reply until today…
“It’s nothing.”
Yooho gave a cursory answer and pushed himself up, gripping the tiles. Myunghoon hurriedly offered him a towel.
“Want to stop for today?”
“No, I’ll just rehydrate.”
Yooho headed for the water cooler and filled a paper cup with half cold and half hot water. He wanted to gulp down ice water, but the habit he had maintained all his life didn’t easily break. He swallowed the water in a few gulps and started to loosen up his stiff body. Myunghoon, who had approached him, cautiously gauged Yooho’s mood.
“Hyun, want a massage?”
“Hmm…”
“Your shoulder isn’t hurting, is it?”
His voice dropped significantly as he spoke the last part. Yooho stared at Myunghoon for a moment, then gestured for him to come closer. Myunghoon’s face darkened immediately.
“Actually…”
“Yeah. Say it. It’s okay.”
“…You smell like hangover cure. You punk, how much did you drink?”
Myunghoon yelped as Yooho kicked his calf. Yooho ignored him as he dramatically feigned pain with his bulky frame and returned to the lane.
“No way, can you smell it? I drank yesterday.”
Only a few national team members participating in the AG, along with their staff, were in the pool. The athletes in the same event as Yooho all stopped their training and watched him. Yooho habitually ignored their blatant stares and put his goggles back on.
He couldn’t reduce his training time just because his condition was worse than usual. He couldn’t lower the intensity of his training just because he had distracting thoughts. If it was something he had to do anyway, he had to do it as quickly as possible.
Yooho entered the water, grabbed the tiles, and stretched out both arms. Despite devoting himself to rehabilitation, he could never return to his pre-injury state. The feeling of a wide, hard rubber band tightening around his right shoulder and upper arm never disappeared.
Yooho sometimes dreamed of standing in the Olympic stadium. In his dream, he knew that the moment he entered the lane, he would experience excruciating pain in his shoulder. He would think he had to endure it and enter, but he would always wake up before he could.
“…….”
Shaking off his distracting thoughts, Yooho plunged his head into the water. The cold waves cooled his heated neck.
After forcing his uncooperative body through training, he felt unusually drained. Yooho slumped down in front of his open locker. He felt like he could stay like that forever. He looked up because something glimmered in the front pocket of his bag.
“……?”
He sat up and took his phone out of his pocket. Several message notifications popped up.
[I’m so sorry, I thought I sent a reply yesterday, but I didn’t press send ㅠㅠ 3:22 PM]
[I’ll definitely be there on Thursday 3:22 PM]
[Thank you for letting me know 3:23 PM]
A slow smile spread across Yooho’s face as he stared at the screen. Putting on his t-shirt, he called Semin, and the familiar voice answered quickly.
― Hello?
“Hi.”
― I’m so sorry… I slept the whole day after you left on Saturday, so I was out of it…
“It’s okay.”
As long as he wasn’t sick, it was fine. Omitting the unnecessary words, he slung his bag over his left shoulder. He felt much lighter.
“I was worried you were disgusted with me.”
― What? Why, why would I be?
“Kang Semin bragged that you liked me.”
― No, bragging? No, that’s not it.
He could picture Semin’s wide-eyed, startled face. Yooho chuckled and closed the locker door.
“It’s not? So you do like me?”
― No!
“See? I’m being self-conscious.”
― No…
How many times had he heard the word “no” from Semin? Yooho suppressed his rising playfulness.
“I’m kidding. So, want to come for lunch on Thursday?”
― …Lunch?
“I’m starting afternoon training 30 minutes late because of the press preparations. If the time works for you, let’s have lunch together. It’ll probably end a bit late in the afternoon.”
Semin, who had been silent as if pondering his words, soon exclaimed excitedly,
― Yes! But, but is it okay if I… intrude?
“I usually eat alone, so it’s fine. Call me when you arrive at the gym, and I’ll come get you.”
― Okay, tha…
Semin’s hesitant words trailed off. Yooho waited for a moment with the phone to his ear, then asked calmly,
“Why? You don’t want to come?”
― No! I… that’s not it… I’m…
“You’re?”
― I’m… I’m… near the gym right now…
Yooho stopped putting on his shoes and looked up involuntarily.
― I was thinking about not replying to you earlier today… After I sent the messages, I suddenly…
“…….”
― I suddenly wanted to see you… And, and I had some business nearby anyway. So I was wondering if… if you’re free for a bit, I have something to give you too…
At Semin’s rambling explanation, Yooho laughed soundlessly. It couldn’t be easy to be this bad at lying.
“Where are you?”
As soon as he asked, a small blue car came into view. A blue hue, as if squeezed from a tube of paint, spread out from the car parked quietly near the entrance. Swallowing at the ticklish feeling, he saw the driver’s side door open and a head of black hair pop out.
― I, I’m about to enter the gym…
Semin stopped mid-sentence. His face lit up with a flush of excitement at seeing Yooho. The faint blush that crept onto his pale cheeks seemed like the only color he possessed. Yooho sighed silently, mirroring the smile that touched Semin’s lips.
“Sorry, I came suddenly…”
Semin approached, ending the call, and smiled shyly. He was awkward and clumsy, like a child visiting their parent’s workplace. Yooho, to avoid the awkwardness spreading, abruptly asked,
“What was the business you had nearby?”
“……Ah.”
His round eyes darted around for a moment. So transparent. Yooho maintained his steady gaze and shook his head slightly.
“Was it a lie?”
“No, no. It wasn’t a lie… but…”
“But?”
“That is, there was… but…”
As Yooho tilted his head and looked down at him, Semin blinked nervously, his long eyelashes fluttering incessantly.
“So, so I…”
At Semin’s rambling, Yooho finally burst out laughing. It was hard to be this bad at lying.
“Didn’t you just come to see me?”
“…….”
“I was hoping so.”
Huh? As Yooho asked again, leaning closer, Semin took a step back. His face, avoiding Yooho’s gaze, was now flushed to the tips of his ears.
“……Actually.”
The words he managed to squeeze out were raspy and broken. Semin cleared his throat hurriedly and mumbled, still avoiding Yooho’s gaze.
“It’s… been bothering me…”
“What has?”
“That you might think I like you… But that’s really not it…”
Oh really? Yooho tilted his head.
“So, I… I thought I should clear up the misunderstanding. Once I started thinking about it, I couldn’t just stay still… I wanted to, to confirm.”
Confirm what? Yooho asked with his eyes, staring intently at Semin. Countless expressions flickered and mixed on his small, pale face. Mostly, it was stifling anxiety.
“I really don’t have those… absurd feelings for you… never…”
“…….”
“So, so…”
Semin suddenly looked up. His dark eyes were glistening with unshed tears. Rapid breaths escaped from between his trembling lips.
“You can… rest assured…”
Ha, a sigh escaped Yooho’s chest. He rubbed the back of his neck, making a humming sound.
“Were you worried I’d ask if you liked me?”
Semin nodded cautiously, his eyes filled with fear. Yooho looked away for a moment, lost in thought.
He had known from the beginning that Semin was awkward, but because his inner thoughts were so transparent, he assumed Semin didn’t care much about hiding them. That’s why he had tested the waters. He found Semin interesting, wanted to get to know him better, and found him cute.
While Yooho was silent, Semin lowered his head and started picking at his hangnails. Yooho calmly gathered his scattered gaze.
“I don’t mind. Even if you did like me.”
Semin’s fingers stopped abruptly. His lifted eyes momentarily sparkled. Yooho continued speaking as Semin opened his mouth.
“But well, if you don’t, you don’t.”
“……Ah.”
“Understood. I won’t misunderstand.”
As Yooho smiled, Semin firmly closed his lips, which had been opening and closing. He seemed to have more to say, but Yooho didn’t wait long.
“What did you say you had to give me? Was that a lie too?”
At Yooho’s casual attempt to change the subject, Semin flinched and shrugged. “Right,” he said, widening his eyes, and quickly pointed towards his car.
“A, a ball…”
“A ball?”
“Since you found my camera, I thought I should repay you… It’s in the car.”
After his hurried reply, Semin quickly moved towards his car. Yooho reflexively grabbed Semin’s arm and pulled him back. Fortunately, there were no cars coming, so he didn’t need to hold on as tightly as last time.
“…Look both ways before crossing.”
“Ah…”
An embarrassed smile finally appeared on Semin’s face. Yooho sighed softly and let go of his thin arm. Semin dutifully looked around before hurrying to his car.
“It’s Gongjindan. The manufacturer said there are no doping issues, so you can take it without worry. They said many athletes competing in this tournament are taking it. I brought the ingredient list just in case.”
Yooho remained silent while Semin busily rummaged through the shopping bag. He seemed somewhat embarrassed. Semin cautiously gauged his reaction as he picked up the printout listing all the ingredients. Yooho finally made a humming sound and gave an ambiguous smile.
“I’m so sorry, but I don’t take any supplements.”
“…….”
“This must be expensive.”
“―I, it’s, it’s okay, no, I’m sorry. I…”
As soon as he started speaking, his face flushed hot. Semin quickly closed the shopping bag and tossed it into the back seat. Seeing this, Yooho burst into laughter.
“Why did you throw it? Take it and eat it yourself.”
“I, I can’t. I’m taking medication, so I can’t have it.”
“Then give it to your family. Anyway, I’m really sorry. I don’t even take vitamins.”
His apologetic voice was genuinely filled with regret. Semin shook his head and forced a smile.
“No, it’s okay. I should have asked you first… I was just too hasty.”
“I’d like to gladly accept it, but it doesn’t seem right to receive a gift and not eat it or give it away.”
“Yes, tha, thank you for telling me. Next time… I’ll buy you meat.”
“Yeah, meat sounds good.”
Yooho smiled, his eyes crinkling. Semin glanced at him, checking his expression, and fastened his seatbelt. He wondered if there were any restaurants they could go to now. As he turned on the navigation, Yooho suddenly asked,
“So, are you done with your business now?”
“……Huh?”
“Now that the misunderstanding is cleared and you’ve given me your gift, are you asking if I can leave?”
Yooho’s voice was even, but Semin’s heart sank. He’s going to leave right away?
“If you’re bu, busy…”
“I’m not busy, I’m just curious. What’s your plan?”
He didn’t have one. He had just rushed out because he couldn’t stay home. As he hesitated, unable to answer, Yooho continued,
“If you don’t have anything else to say, I’ll go.”
Your plan. Anything else to say. The words that burrowed into his confused mind plunged Semin into greater confusion. He hadn’t made any restaurant reservations, and he couldn’t think of anything to say.
“Wait…”
But he thought they would at least have dinner together. At the thought, he reached out without thinking, and Yooho stopped. Semin lightly held the edge of Yooho’s sleeve and desperately racked his brain. Wasn’t there anything? His head spun with increasing urgency.
“I…”
Then it seemed like he understood. Actually, it was all an excuse. He just wanted to check.
If Yooho was angry.
“Are you really… okay with it…?”
If he had been offended by feeling anything more than simple liking, if he had been perplexed by Semin not immediately replying to the well-intentioned messages, if they might never see each other again…
“Even if I… like you…”
His weak voice resonated sufficiently within the confined space of the car. Yooho raised an eyebrow as if to say, “Look at this.” Startled by his own words, Semin waved his hands frantically.
“I don’t, I don’t like you. I didn’t mean it like that…”
“…….”
“No, actually, I don’t know. Do, do I like you?”
His tongue, following the flow of his consciousness, ended up dragging out his deepest feelings and throwing them out into the open. Yooho let out a disbelieving laugh.
“You’re asking me that?”
“……You must have had a reason to think so… If you think so, wouldn’t that mean it’s true…?”
“No. You have to decide that for yourself. I just said what I felt. There’s no guarantee that’s your true feeling.”
The mature answer only plunged Semin into greater confusion. Did he mean yes or no?
“I…”
In Semin’s life, interpersonal relationships were extremely family-centric. Other people were always frightening and difficult. What were they really thinking? Were they hiding or suppressing their displeasure?
Just like Joseph had.
“I, I don’t… know. This is my first time…”
The words he squeezed out, with their lingering hook, dredged up the shame hidden deep within him. He wanted to run away from embarrassment, but unexpectedly, Yooho calmly asked,
“Is that so?”
“I don’t really care” was a phrase Yooho used often, and it was also the sentiment most evident in his attitude. Semin, gaining a bit of courage, continued stammering,
“Yes, it’s em, embarrassing, but I don’t… have any friends…”
“Didn’t we agree to be friends?”
“……You’re the on, only one.”
As Semin quickly corrected himself, wiping his face, he heard Yooho chuckle. His consistently calm and composed reaction calmed Semin’s anxious heart. He mustered his courage and asked again,
“Why… did you think I liked you…?”
“My thoughts aren’t the important issue here.”
“Still…”
Could you please tell me? As Semin looked at him with pleading eyes, Yooho touched his lips. He seemed at a loss for words, but thankfully he didn’t appear angry. Semin suppressed his fear and waited patiently. After a long pause, Yooho extended a hand.
“Want to hold it for a moment?”
“……Huh?”
“Your hand.”
Semin stared blankly at the offered hand. It was a large and firm-looking hand. He already knew how warm that palm was. As he unconsciously raised his hand to take it, someone knocked on the driver’s side window.
“Are you leaving soon?”
Semin, startled, hurriedly turned and rolled down the window. A parking attendant was looking inside, bent at the waist.
“Designated parking vehicles will be arriving soon.”
“Oh, I’m, I’m leaving. Sorry.”
“No problem.”
As soon as the parking attendant walked away, Semin clutched his chest. His heart was pounding. Semin hesitated, then started the car, and Yooho silently fastened his seatbelt. Thankfully, he’s not leaving. Semin quickly shifted into drive.
“Where are we going?”
Yooho asked, leaning back in his seat. His voice was laced with amusement. Semin nervously shifted his gaze as he gripped the steering wheel. Where, indeed?
“Fi, first, you should eat… Are you hungry?”
“I’m okay for now. Where are you taking me?”
“…….”
“Do you have a place in mind?”
Seeing his playful smile, Semin finally felt like he was starting to understand Yooho’s patterns.
“……You’re asking even though you know I don’t, right?”
As Semin asked, narrowing his eyes, Yooho turned his head. Even with his face hidden, it was clear he was holding back a laugh. Come to think of it, his older brothers often did this. He’s teasing me. Realizing this, Semin pouted and touched the navigation screen. He thought he’d go to a hotel restaurant for now. But as he was about to select a hotel address from his favorites, a disturbing thought crossed his mind.
“…….”
He stopped and looked back. Yooho was resting his arm on the windowsill, his gaze slightly lowered.
“Yooho.”
His voice, escaping like a sigh, was instantly muffled. Yooho finally looked back, his face slightly surprised.
“Were… you just… teasing me… this whole time?”
“What?”
“Everything you said… was it… all to make fun of me…?”
What if all of this was a joke, and he was the only one seriously agonizing, feeling disappointed, and working up the courage? What if Hyun Yooho was enjoying watching him make a fool of himself? Just imagining it made Semin feel like his heart was crumbling. He clenched his jaw, unable to finish his sentence. Yooho, silent for a moment, leaned closer.
“From your perspective…”
“…….”
“I must seem like a really bad guy.”
Semin gasped and looked up. Yooho was leaning back against the car window, the darkening sky reflected in the glass behind him, a faint smile playing on his lips.
“Want to go to my place? We can order dinner.”
“Huh……?”
“It’s not far from here. About 10 minutes by car?”
Before Semin could respond, Yooho started entering the address into the navigation system. Semin stared blankly at his fingertips, speechless.
“Think carefully during those 10 minutes.”
About what? He couldn’t even ask, but Yooho kindly added,
“About whether you want to hold my hand.”
As they entered the quiet, clean residential area, the surroundings quickly fell silent. Semin looked around nervously after parking the car. He felt like someone would jump out and yell at him at any moment. If rumors spread that he was an obsessive fan invading a national athlete’s privacy, it could embarrass his family.
“Let’s go. It’s okay to park here for a bit.”
Yooho said easily, oblivious to Semin’s worries. Semin finally hesitantly opened the car door. His intense curiosity had overcome his various concerns.
‘Want to hold my hand?’
‘Think carefully. About whether you want to hold my hand.’
It wasn’t a metaphorical expression suggesting cooperation. It literally meant attempting physical contact, holding hands. They had had a fair amount of unintentional skinship during their few encounters, but they had never held hands for any length of time.
Do I want to hold his hand? Yooho’s question only began to swirl in his mind properly once they were in the elevator. Semin glanced at Yooho’s profile, fiddling with his sweaty hands. Once he became aware of it, his face grew hotter and hotter. By the time the elevator dinged open, it finally hit him.
‘…Is it really okay for me to follow him all the way here?’
Thump. His heart leaped and started pounding like crazy. He felt like Yooho would hear it. Unfazed, Yooho strode ahead, heading towards the door at the very end of the hallway. It was the furthest apartment from the elevator.
Even if he hesitated, he couldn’t just be left alone in an unfamiliar hallway. He hurriedly followed. Yooho punched in the four-digit passcode, held the open door, and nodded.
“Come in.”
Semin swallowed hard and cautiously passed him. A faint smell of pain relief patches hung in the air as he stepped inside.
The small, roughly 26-square-foot room seemed quite bare, containing only a bed and a wardrobe. The bathroom was to the right of the entrance, and a small sink to the left. Several muscle pain sprays were lined up around the sink. There wasn’t a single dish, let alone a pot, as if Yooho never cooked. A few chocolates and energy bars rolled around in an open cabinet.
“It’s a bit humble, isn’t it? I mostly just sleep here.”
Semin flinched at the sound of the closing door. He turned to see Yooho, still holding the doorknob, looking puzzled.
“Should I leave it open?”
“Huh? Huh?”
“If you’re uncomfortable.”
“No, no… It’s not like that…”
His palms became clammy as he shook his head. Semin clenched and unclenched his fists, sweating nervously as he stepped back. There was no room to move in the narrow hallway. His back hit the cold wall.
“Are you uncomfortable?”
Yooho’s expression grew more serious as he leaned closer, placing a hand on the wall behind Semin. He could smell the faint scent of shampoo from Yooho’s suddenly close face.
“……Ah.”
The pressure, like facing a cliff wall, made it hard to breathe. He forced a smile, thinking he should just get through the situation, but the corners of his mouth trembled. Yooho frowned slightly.
“Kang Semin.”
Do I like you? The stupid question he had asked himself suddenly resurfaced.
“Kang Semin? Let’s just go out…”
Yooho asked, “Do you want to hold my hand?” as if knowing the answer would reveal everything.
“My, my ha, hand.”
A large, flat, firm, and warm hand. Semin remembered every moment that hand had touched him. When he had almost fallen, when Yooho had helped him stretch, when he had pulled him away from the oncoming motorcycle…
“Hand…”
“It’s okay. Don’t force it, let’s just go…”
“I… I want to hold it.”
Every time his hidden feelings slipped out, it felt unfamiliar. The heat spreading through his body quickly reached his cheeks. His eyes stung, and cold sweat trickled down his back. Yooho looked down at Semin without a word. His sweat-drenched face was flushed red.
“I want to hold it, but I’m suddenly… nervous…”
Semin mumbled, clenching both fists. Yooho silently lowered himself further, trying to grasp Semin’s wrists. The moment his fingertips touched Semin’s protruding wrist bones, a faint static shock zapped between them. Semin flinched with a small cry.
“Sorry.”
Yooho chuckled slightly and lowered his hand again. He gently grasped Semin’s wrist, loosely held between his thumb and forefinger, pulling his tightly clenched fist forward. Semin’s hands looked particularly small when he made a fist, due to his small palms and long fingers. Yooho lightly wrapped his hand around Semin’s fist and slowly requested,
“Open it.”
“…….”
Semin kept his gaze fixed on the wall, his head leaning against it. His face was flushed crimson, and his full lips trembled slightly.
“You’re so tense. It’s just holding hands.”
It’s not like I’m asking for a kiss. Yooho whispered almost inaudibly, and Semin took a shaky breath. Yooho slipped a finger between Semin’s tightly closed hand, like a clam shell. Semin’s thin shoulders flinched.
“Wa, wai, wait.”
Yooho obediently let go of his trembling hand. Semin looked around nervously, then cautiously asked,
“Can I… wash my hands… first?”
“…….”
“My palms are… sweaty…”
Indeed, his entire body seemed drenched in sweat. Yooho shrugged and pointed to the bathroom. Semin slipped into the bathroom without his shoes and carefully closed the door.
Yooho, left alone, scratched the back of his head. He wondered if he had been too hasty. It would be better to just order dinner and send him home. Seeing Semin flinch and tremble at the unfamiliar contact made him uncomfortable.
That was why he had reacted slowly. Yooho took out his phone and opened a delivery app before noticing a short cry mixed with the sound of running water. He turned abruptly and pushed open the bathroom door, instantly regretting it. Whoooosh. A powerful stream of water was gushing from the showerhead above the sink.
“……Ah.”
Semin stood frozen, his hands raised, looking lost. He was already soaked from head to toe. Yooho quickly turned off the water and pulled Semin towards him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. A chill emanated from his wet hair.
“Take it off, quickly.”
He hurriedly turned Semin around and tugged at his shirt. The soaked clothes wouldn’t come off easily. Semin, like a malfunctioning robot, stiffly managed to pull his arms and head free. Yooho grabbed all the towels he could find.
“Come here.”
Semin continued to blink blankly, his face dazed, even as Yooho sat him on the floor and wrapped him in a sheet. Yooho placed a dry towel on Semin’s head and carefully tucked the sheet around him.
“Take off your pants too. I’ll hold the sheet.”
“……Ah.”
Their eyes finally met. Semin’s pale lips parted slightly, then closed with a click. He started to tremble, his teeth chattering.
“……I, I, I was surprised…”
“I know. Take your clothes off first. You’ll catch a cold.”
Only after repeated urging did Semin start fidgeting under the sheet. His body seemed to have stiffened, making it difficult for him to move. After much struggling, his soaked jeans finally emerged from under the sheet. Yooho quickly grabbed them, wrung out the water, and hung them on the towel rack, sighing.
“Sorry. I forgot after using it this morning.”
“Ah, was it… broken?”
“Huh?”
“Water poured… from the ceiling…”
…Could it be he’d never used an all-in-one sink before? The thought crossed Yooho’s mind, followed by an image of Semin’s large room. It was possible. Yooho quickly dismissed the thought and opened the wardrobe.
Naturally, there were no clothes that would fit Semin. He hadn’t brought many clothes with him since he had moved to this accommodation for his injury treatment. He found the smallest t-shirt he had and handed it to Semin, who extended a pale hand from under the sheet.
Now, there really aren’t any pants he can wear… Drawstring pants would be better. As he rummaged through the drawers, he heard a rustling sound behind him. He turned to see Semin, draped in the oversized t-shirt like a sack, frozen mid-rise.
“What? Are you cold?”
“No, no, the blanket is wet…”
“……Oh.”
Of course it would be. Yooho quickly opened the inner closet and took out a new blanket. He was in a hurry. But he couldn’t help but pause at the sight that greeted him as he turned. Semin was bent over, gathering the wet blanket. The only thing he was wearing was the oversized t-shirt. His delicate shoulders were fully exposed.
“…….”
He consciously averted his gaze, only to have his eyes drawn to Semin’s straight legs visible below the t-shirt that reached mid-thigh. Yooho cleared his throat.
“Leave it. I’ll have it laundered.”
“But…”
“Cover yourself with this. Aren’t you cold?”
Only after covering Semin’s pale thighs with the new blanket could Yooho properly assess his condition. Semin’s face was still pale, but he seemed to have stopped trembling.
“Yes, I’m okay… I’m really sorry.”
“No, I’m sorry.”
“There must be a problem with the plumbing, right? You should get it fixed quickly…”
“……Yeah, I should.”
Semin pulled his knees up under the blanket and hugged them. He still seemed cold. Yooho narrowed his eyes and moved closer.
“Let me dry your hair a bit more.”
Since he mostly showered at the gym, there wasn’t a hairdryer in his apartment. Semin remained silent as Yooho lifted a dry towel, wrapped it around his hair, and carefully dried it.
“…….”
His jet-black hair, like ink-stained feathers, scattered softly beneath Yooho’s hand. Their eyes met every time his movements slowed.
“The reason I wanted to hold your hand…”
Mesmerized by Semin’s intense gaze, his hand slowed further. Semin spoke only after Yooho had completely stopped.
“Is it because you like me?”
“…….”
“Sorry. But I really don’t know…”
Yooho looked down without answering. Semin noticed he was looking at his fingertips. He unclasped his arms from around his knees and straightened his fingers.
“Not necessarily.”
Yooho’s low whisper tickled his exposed skin. Semin swallowed, staring at Yooho’s hand wrapping around his wrist. Pleasant goosebumps spread from where Yooho’s warm hand touched him.
“Hands are usually the easiest to hold… but also the part we touch the least.”
Yooho’s long thumb traced the hollow of Semin’s wrist and palm. A tingling sensation shot up the back of Semin’s neck, sending shivers down his spine.
“If you feel a lingering sense of wanting more when holding hands…”
“…….”
“That is, if you want to touch more than this…”
Yooho slowly interlocked their fingers. The thin skin between their fingers rubbed together. Semin felt a ticklish sensation on the soles of his feet. He wiggled his toes under the blanket and bit his lower lip.
“That could be a pretty clear indicator.”
Yooho’s body heat, spreading from their clasped hands, began to swirl through Semin’s body. His fingertips twitched.
“That’s what I mean, anyway.”
If you want to touch more than this… As Semin repeated the words in his mind, Yooho let go of his hand and pulled back. Semin let out a small, disappointed breath at the sudden coolness.
“But that’s just me, so you don’t have to worry about it too much. Besides, even if I wanted to lend you my clothes, the sizes are too different…”
“How… about you?”
“Huh?”
“How did… you feel…?”
Yooho blinked at the words that suddenly tumbled out, like a stone dislodged from Semin’s throat. Semin hid his blushing face, burying it in the blanket, and asked in a nervous voice,
“Just now… when we held hands…”
“…….”
“Did you feel… wanting more? Did you want to… touch more?”
He didn’t have high expectations, even as he asked. He felt like he could predict Yooho’s reaction. He would smile leisurely, as he always did, and try to brush it off with vague words. So, it was a stupid question. Semin tried to quell his deflated feelings, but Yooho leaned forward, placing his hands on the floor. Their faces drew so close that their noses almost touched. Startled, Semin flinched back, letting out a dry sob.
“Yes.”
Yooho’s face, offering a short, clear answer with unwavering eyes, was devoid of any trace of a smile.
“I did.”
A sudden surge of emotion churned in Semin’s stomach. He furrowed his brows involuntarily and blurted out,
“Don’t lie. You let go right away.”
Still, Yooho didn’t smile.
“I let go because I wanted more.”
“Stop it, you’re teasing me…”
“I’m not that kind of person.”
Not convincing? Yooho pondered, then a faint smile touched his lips.
“Well, I guess I was being a bit playful today.”
“…….”
“I was a bit anxious before I got your reply. I couldn’t focus on training, and it was tough.”
Semin didn’t know how to respond to those words. When he remained silent, Yooho straightened up.
“Let’s have dinner. I’ll figure something out about the clothes.”
All Semin could do was nod dumbly. An awkward silence filled the small room as Yooho held his phone and ordered food. Semin fidgeted with his bare legs under the blanket, thinking about the whirlwind of words from the past day.
Hands are usually the easiest to hold…
‘But also the part we touch the least.’
He clenched his empty hand, and the next question followed.
‘What happens if we touch a lot?’
He couldn’t ask, glancing at Yooho’s back.
He drifted into a light sleep, unaware of when it started, dreamless. He woke to the sound of footsteps cautiously ascending the stairs, tapping on his consciousness. Semin, lying on his side, neither fully asleep nor awake, twitched his fingers. The phone he had been holding until just before falling asleep lay near his temple.
[Did you get home safe? 9:26 PM]
The last message blinked in a small window. At the top of the window were the six characters ‘Hyun Yooho’. Hyun Yooho. Semin mumbled inwardly and clenched his empty hand.
A floating sensation, as if he was drifting back to sleep, washed over him. As he lay on his back, he felt like he was sinking into the soft mattress. As he raised a hand, feeling an itch somewhere in his body, he heard a light knock.
“……Min.”
He thought he heard a faint call. Semin slowly blinked, still staring at the ceiling. The familiar fluorescent light seemed unusually bright.
“Semin, noona’s coming in, okay?”
Another short knock followed, and then the doorknob clicked. Semin finally opened his mouth and let out a short sigh.
“…….”
Noona’s coming in? The sudden realization struck him like lightning. Oh, oh… He hurriedly grabbed the edge of the bed to sit up, but his hand slipped. His body tilted precariously, and he fell just as the door opened.
“Semin!”
Semin tumbled helplessly to the floor, despite the scream that pierced his ears. Sungmin rushed in, crouching down, and yelled towards the door,
“Housekeeper! Housekeeper―!”
Amidst the chaos, Semin grabbed Sungmin’s arm and pulled himself up. Sungmin looked down at him with a pale face.
“Noo, noona, I’m okay…”
“Stay still. Let’s go to the hospital first. …Housekeeper!”
“No, I’m really okay. I’m not dizzy, I just slipped while getting up…”
Before he could finish his excuse, the housekeeper, Mr. Kim, and the driver, Mr. Jung, appeared from beyond the door. Seeing Sungmin holding Semin, Mr. Jung rushed inside.
“Let me carry him…”
“It’s okay. I didn’t collapse. I fell. Really.”
Semin tried to speak as clearly as possible, but his undignified sprawled position didn’t seem very convincing. Sungmin, Mr. Kim, and Mr. Jung all stared at him wide-eyed, not moving. Semin finally focused on Sungmin and made eye contact.
“Noona, really… I was sleeping and slipped while getting up.”
“…….”
“I’m fine. I’m not lying.”
Seeing his earnest expression and softened brow, color finally returned to Sungmin’s face. She helped him sit up and, after carefully examining him, finally sighed.
“Why are you moving so suddenly? Trying to give me a heart attack?”
“No…”
“Are you hurt anywhere?”
“No, I’m okay.”
Actually, his shoulder ached a bit, but he didn’t mention it. Three pairs of worried eyes followed him as he stood up and demonstrated that he could move his arms and legs properly. Only after being subjected to further scrutiny was Semin finally able to sit down facing Sungmin.
“I’ll go downstairs then. Call me if you need anything, okay?”
Semin forced a smile at the worried Mr. Kim. Sungmin, sitting cross-legged, still looked displeased.
“Is something bothering you?”
“……Huh? What, what is it? What’s wrong?”
He blurted out the words like someone whose sore spot had been poked, then immediately regretted it. Sungmin narrowed her eyes and asked again,
“Is it because of Joseph?”
“Huh…?”
“If you’re stressed, don’t think about it. I’ll take care of it.”
Joseph… Semin mumbled blankly, then his lips twitched. Now that she mentioned it, Joseph was in Korea. He had momentarily forgotten, preoccupied with Yooho.
“Oh, no… It’s not that, really nothing’s wrong. I’m okay.”
“That’s good then… You have to tell noona first if something’s wrong. I’m your closest guardian. You know that, right?”
“Yes.”
Semin nodded resolutely. His closest sibling and guardian. He had never forgotten his gratitude towards the person who had always been there for him since he was born.
“Did you hit your head anywhere?”
“No, I’m really okay.”
“Even if you’re sleepy, try to hold on and sleep at night. If you keep taking evening naps, it’ll become harder to sleep at night.”
Evening naps… Semin’s gaze drifted towards the clock on the wall. It was almost midnight. He felt bad for not replying to Yooho’s message on time again, but he was more worried about Sungmin, who had just returned from work.
“You should go to sleep too, noona. You must be tired.”
“I am. I just wanted to see your face for a bit, and I got a fright.”
Sungmin ran a hand over her forehead and stood up. Semin followed her, chuckling like a child.
“I’ll see you to your room, noona.”
“Oh, how sweet.”
It was a short walk to the master bedroom at the end of the hallway. Semin opened the door with a gentlemanly gesture. Sungmin finally relaxed her expression and stroked his hair.
“Sleep well, kid.”
“You too, noona.”
Her hand, which had lightly pinched his cheek, reluctantly withdrew. Standing in front of the large, softly closed door, Semin took a moment to compose himself.
“…….”
He couldn’t tell her about Hyun Yooho, could he? At least not until the Asian Games were over. As he tried to suppress his restless feelings, a deep voice suddenly echoed in his mind.
‘Want to hold my hand?’
Semin swallowed involuntarily.
‘I did.’
Why did those words make his heart flutter so much?
“…….”
Semin leaned against the wall and slid down to the floor, cupping his heated cheeks. He felt like crying for no reason.