COAC 13

“Seo Jeong!”

Do Hyeonjun, who was waiting, and several others were startled and ran towards Seo Jeong. And Kim Chayeon, roughly pushing aside the surrounding students, practically stormed onto the track. His usual leisurely pace and indifferent expression were gone as he instantly reached Seo Jeong and knelt down on one knee. Do Hyeonjun could only watch the two of them from right beside them. There was absolutely no room for him to intervene.

“Jeong, can you move?”

His low, quiet voice was mixed with an unconcealable tremor. His hand, brushing the dirt from Seo Jeong’s knee, was urgent, and the moment he discovered the red, scraped wound, his fingertips visibly tensed. Kim Chayeon did not look at the injured area, but stared intently only at Seo Jeong’s face, which was enduring the pain. As if the world had collapsed.

“I’m fine. It’s just a scrape. It’s not even bleeding.”

“Are you really okay? Does it not hurt? Let’s go to the nurse’s office.”

“The nurse’s office? No way. I just need to rest.”

“Then I’ll walk you to your seat.”

Kim Chayeon carefully helped Seo Jeong up by his arm. Then he offered Seo Jeong his shoulder and turned his back to Do Hyeonjun.

The moment he saw their retreating backs, a shock as if he had been hit hard on the head struck Do Hyeonjun. All the scattered pieces of every moment found their place. Why he had been following Kim Chayeon’s gaze all this time, why his every nerve had been on edge at a single one of his indifferent words.

The dizzying moment when he had almost reached out, mesmerized by his long eyelashes as he slept with his head down, and the unexpected kindness of him pulling the curtain while feigning indifference, all came to mind in succession.

“……I’m screwed.”

He muttered, sinking to the ground and clutching his head. The murmuring voices of the students and the smell of dust receded into the distance. All the sounds of the world were turned off, and only the sound of his own heart, pounding like crazy, beat against his ears.

He liked Kim Chayeon. But at the same time, he knew. Kim Chayeon’s world revolved entirely around Seo Jeong.

There had never been any room for him to squeeze in from the beginning. It was a terribly hopeless love triangle. Do Hyeonjun’s first love began at its most dazzling moment with the most despairing face.

Seo Jeong eventually left the track with support, and the race resumed. In the end, Do Hyeonjun made a comeback, and Class 2 won the overall championship. As he crossed the finish line in first place, he glanced at the cheering section, but Kim Chayeon’s seat was empty.

He met Kim Chayeon again in the classroom.

“How’s Jeong doing?”

“The part where he fell is a little scraped. Fortunately, it’s not bad enough to go to the hospital. To be honest, I wish he would go to the hospital, but Jeong said he did not want to. He’s back in his classroom now.”

Although it was better than a little while ago, Kim Chayeon’s expression was still not good.

“Are you okay? You look pale.”

At the sudden words, Kim Chayeon wiped his face.

“If Jeong gets hurt… I can’t bear it. I have to protect Jeong.”

Deep anguish was etched on his face, which was suppressing his emotions. Does he feel bad even though it is not his fault that Seo Jeong got hurt? Is it because he likes him? Even though I already knew, hearing the confession directly from his lips was like a confirmation kill.

The unannounced one-sided love completely shook up Do Hyeonjun’s daily life. Now, all of Kim Chayeon’s actions took on a different meaning than before.

There was nothing Do Hyeonjun could do. It was a kind of confusion that was too absurd to be called sadness, and too ridiculous to be called despair. The feeling, which had ended at the hands of another person at the same time it began, lost its way and swirled inside his heart.

*

No matter how complicated his heart was, time passed steadily. Do Hyeonjun received pretty good scores on the mock exam and final exams of the first semester of his second year.

After finishing the first semester’s academic schedule like that, he said his goodbyes to Seo Jeong and Kim Chayeon one by one before the summer vacation. He even felt relieved that it was vacation time.

“Have a good vacation.”

“Why do you talk like we’re never going to see each other again? We have to meet often during the vacation too. Oh, we go to Chayeon’s family’s pension to hang out every vacation. Hyeonjun, you should come too. Kim Chayeon, that’s okay, right?”

Do Hyeonjun reflexively glanced at Kim Chayeon. He did not openly show his dislike in front of Seo Jeong, but his slightly narrowed brow revealed that he was not pleased. The phrase ‘every vacation’ suggested that the two of them had gone to play together more than once or twice. From Kim Chayeon’s perspective, I would feel like an intruder.

Once he became aware of his feelings, he reacted sensitively to even the smallest of expressions.

“It’s okay. I’m planning to spend the vacation at my grandmother’s house. It’s in Busan.”

“Really? That’s nice. But it’s a bit of a shame. You’re not going to be in Busan for the whole vacation, are you?”

“I’ll probably stay for about two weeks and then come back. I still have a long way to go to catch up with my studies.”

“That’s a good mindset. Yeah, let’s meet up and study together later.”

Although disappointed, Seo Jeong told him to contact him anytime if he was bored and then left with his bag. Kim Chayeon, who had been standing silently throughout the conversation, turned to look at him just before following Seo Jeong.

“Have a good rest.”

“Okay.”

Do Hyeonjun replied shortly. Still, we have become close enough to exchange words like ‘have a good time.’ It was both bitter and joyful.

“Has our puppy arrived? Oh my, you’ve lost so much weight.”

“No. Grandma. I’ve gained more weight since I quit exercising.”

“What do you mean you’ve gained more? You’re so thin you look like a twig.”

Seeing his grandmother so happy, constantly stroking his face with both hands, made him feel good as well. Until the third year of middle school, he had to roll around on the dirt ground for training camps and what not, even without vacations, so he could rarely see her. Even though he had been raised by his grandmother since his mother passed away when he was young, until he moved up to Seoul.

He spent a leisurely vacation, eating meals that made the table legs bend, prepared by his maternal grandmother, washing the dishes, occasionally opening his textbooks and workbooks to study, and then taking a bus to the sea to stroll on the sandy beach. But a corner of his heart felt uneasy the whole time.

Seo Jeong often asked about Do Hyeonjun’s well-being in the group chat. Sometimes, he would send a picture of himself. Like now.

It was a photo of him smiling brightly while making a V sign. Even though he did not know anyone in this neighborhood, Do Hyeonjun glanced around for no reason and then zoomed in on the photo by stretching his thumb and index finger. Behind the cheerful Seo Jeong, Kim Chayeon’s face was captured. Unlike Seo Jeong, who was looking straight at the camera, Kim Chayeon’s gaze was on Seo Jeong. He moved his finger to zoom in further on just Kim Chayeon’s face. In the photo, Kim Chayeon did not show any overt signs of enjoyment, but the look in his eyes as he looked at Seo Jeong was warm.

They said they were childhood friends. How much time had they accumulated over more than 10 years? He could not even dare to imagine, and a corner of his heart ached. He was about to save the zoomed-in picture of just Kim Chayeon’s face but stopped.

“What am I even doing.”

He sighed and turned off his phone screen.

After resting well for two weeks, he returned and met Seo Jeong and Kim Chayeon outside a few times. They watched a movie that Seo Jeong had chosen and ordered a lot of spicy rice cakes, fried snacks, and blood sausage at a snack bar.

“You’re surprisingly picky, just like with the pizza last time.”

While Seo Jeong was constantly putting spicy rice cakes into his mouth, Kim Chayeon was just picking at a few pieces of fried snacks. He would not be able to maintain that physique with such a small appetite, and I felt sorry for suggesting a snack bar for dinner.

“I don’t really like snack food.”

“Then you should have said we should eat something else.”

At Do Hyeonjun’s words, Kim Chayeon glanced at Seo Jeong and opened his mouth again.

“It’s okay, because Jeong likes it.”

Do Hyeonjun silently picked up a crispy piece of fried snack and placed it on Kim Chayeon’s plate. He gestured with his chin towards Kim Chayeon, who was looking at him with a quizzical expression.

“You eat too. Don’t just look at Jeong.”

Kim Chayeon maintained his usual expressionless face, but the tips of his fingers holding the chopsticks tensed ever so slightly. Like someone whose world had been seen through for the first time.

Do Hyeonjun drank all of the half-remaining water. He hoped the bloated feeling in his stomach, as if something was stuck, would go down quickly.

The day after the incident at the snack bar, the atmosphere in the classroom was subtly different from the day before. Kim Chayeon, who would normally have spoken to him, however briefly, treated Do Hyeonjun as if he were invisible.

When break time came, Seo Jeong, as always, came over from the next classroom to hang out.

“Why are you guys so quiet today?”

Seo Jeong asked, looking back and forth between the two of them, as if he sensed that something was different from usual. Do Hyeonjun shrugged his shoulders instead of answering. He must have been annoyed by what I said at the snack bar about not just looking at Seo Jeong.

“Jeong, did you finish your English homework? You said it was difficult.”

He’s completely ignoring me. His skill at changing the subject was also natural. His blatant attitude was painful, but I did not make it obvious.

I had no regrets. But his method of putting up a wall instead of confronting me head-on was unfamiliar and frustrating. It would have been much more comfortable if he had just confronted me, asking what right I had to interfere.

Amidst the awkward silence, gym class approached.