COAC 24

“…”

The same music was still playing in one ear, while on the other side, his wildly beating heart pounded like a drum. This strange tenderness was not unfamiliar. Suddenly, he remembered the cramped karaoke room they had gone to in high school. Kim Chayeon, with a shy face, singing a happy birthday song just for him. The emotions that felt like they would burst back then came back to life, vivid and clear, riding on the melody flowing into his ear.

The drowsiness that had clung to his eyelids just moments ago had completely vanished. However, Do Hyeonjun kept his eyes desperately shut. Afraid that this dream-like moment would disappear. He wished this bus would never stop and just keep on running forever.

— The next stop is Hankuk University.

The announcement was the final punctuation mark ending the dream-like time. Swallowing his disappointment, he slowly lifted his head. The warmth he had felt on his cheek disappeared in an instant, and he returned to cold reality.

The aftermath of leaning on Kim Chayeon’s shoulder did not fade easily. It would pop into his head while he was in class, eating a meal, or brushing his teeth. He was not a boy going through puberty, but this was a severe case if there ever was one. Yet, if you asked if he did not want to see the guy, that was not it either. Besides, during the exam period like now, they were together for almost the entire day in the library’s reading room. It was a tradition, or not quite a tradition, that had continued since high school.

Their studying for the second semester finals of their second year continued late into the night. Except for Seo Jeong, who had gone home a little while ago for his mother’s birthday, Kim Chayeon and Do Hyeonjun remained until late.

Do Hyeonjun, aiming to be the top of his class again, was fully focused on his studies. His hand, which had been digging into his major textbook, stopped because the ink in his well-used pen ran out.

As Do Hyeonjun was about to reach for his pencil case, he casually shifted his gaze. Kim Chayeon, sitting beside him in a rare moment, was motionless with his head buried in his textbook. Below his sharp nose, his tightly closed lips were being gnawed on.

There it goes again. Kim Chayeon had a habit of unconsciously biting his lower lip when faced with a difficult problem. A secret only he, who stole glances at his every moment, knew, one that even Seo Jeong was unaware of. One small secret was the only pleasure that made his suffocating one-sided love bearable.

He was about to change his pen and get back to studying when he felt an unfamiliar weight on his shoulder. Holding his breath, he only rolled his eyes to the side.

…It was Kim Chayeon.

Kim Chayeon, with his arms crossed, was resting his head on his shoulder with his eyes closed. It was a defenseless state that was unimaginable given his personality, where he found even having someone next to him uncomfortable. A faint frown was etched between his neat brows, as if he had not completely fallen asleep, and his hair rustled against the neck he was leaning on.

I’ll get caught.

That was the only thought that dominated his mind. Do Hyeonjun practically threw down the pen in his hand and shot up. The movement caused Kim Chayeon’s body, which had been leaning against him, to lurch violently. His eyes, widened in surprise, immediately turned to Do Hyeonjun.

“Hey. I’m going to get some air. I’m so sleepy I can’t take it anymore.”

“Suddenly? Then I’ll go with…”

Stopping Kim Chayeon, who was about to get up from his seat, Do Hyeonjun turned his back first.

“No. You study.”

He spat out the words, meant as a refusal, and fled the reading room as if running away. Only after the door closed behind him did his held breath burst out raggedly. Thankfully, there was no sign of anyone following him. Do Hyeonjun leaned his back against the coldness of the corridor wall and slid down to the floor. His legs had given out.

“Why am I like this again.”

It was an overreaction that he himself found absurd. It was just leaning on his shoulder once. What’s the big deal between friends?

Suddenly, he remembered what happened on the bus. Didn’t Kim Chayeon offer his shoulder so casually then? So why can’t I do the same?

He covered his flushed face with both hands. Thump, thump, thump. The wild thumping of his heart was transmitted directly through his palms.

He was pleased with the intimacy Kim Chayeon had shown, and at the same time… he was upset.

The three of them went to see the sea, went hiking, dragging a reluctantly joining Kim Chayeon along, and even went on a trip to Jeju Island led by Seo Jeong. Every summer and winter vacation, they would go to the pension owned by Kim Chayeon’s parents, and this year marked the fifth time Do Hyeonjun had joined them.

Their time together had been slowly, but surely, accumulating. Just as Kim Chayeon had been Seo Jeong’s only friend, the variable of Do Hyeonjun had been added to their perfect world of two, creating a new, unpredictable balance.

“Look at you filming even here, as expected of a video major. Stop it and come eat some meat.”

Kim Chayeon, who was grilling beef, pointed his tongs at the phone camera in Do Hyeonjun’s hand.

“Hey. The lens will get blurry if oil gets on it. Alright, I’ll eat, so stop threatening me.”

He pressed the stop recording button, put his phone in his pocket, and approached the grill. The meat on the charcoal grill was sizzling. There were no visible flames, but the heat from the charcoal alone was cooking the meat quickly. A savory smell wafted from the meat as the fat melted and began to glisten.

“You try it first.”

Kim Chayeon placed two juicy pieces of meat on Do Hyeonjun’s plate.

“To see if it’s okay before giving it to Seo Jeong?”

“How did you know? You be the guinea pig.”

“It’s hard to live as someone who’s not Seo Jeong. Please stop the blatant discrimination, Mr. Kim Chayeon.”

“Just hurry up and eat before it gets cold.”

Giving in to Kim Chayeon’s urging, he put a piece of meat in his mouth. The juicy beef melted away as soon as it entered his mouth. I’m even eating meat grilled by Kim Chayeon. Isn’t this a situation I couldn’t even have imagined when I first transferred?

He gave a thumbs-up, full of the meaning that it was delicious, and Kim Chayeon’s eyes crinkled as he grinned. He even clicked the tongs together, whether it was a ceremony or something else.

That’s the kind of thing that’s cute. The rose-colored glasses I put on in the early summer of my second year of high school haven’t come off even in the winter of my second year of university.

“Jeong, come eat some meat.”

Kim Chayeon called out to Seo Jeong, who was sitting at a table a little distance away, furiously typing on his laptop. He seemed so focused on the competition that he did not hear him calling and was staring at his laptop with a serious expression. Kim Chayeon placed the still-steaming meat on a plate, filled it with Seo Jeong’s favorite pickled radishes, and delivered it himself.

“How is it? Isn’t it a bit ambiguous?”

Seo Jeong, who had been repeatedly placing and deleting photos of various hairstyles over a person’s silhouette, briefly put down his mouse and asked for Kim Chayeon’s opinion.

“This hairstyle doesn’t really suit this model. Long hair looks a bit awkward.”

“It is a style that few people can pull off. Hyeonjun always keeps his hair short, too.”

Why is my name suddenly coming up there? Since he had been an athlete from a young age, he had always maintained a similar hairstyle. The sides were trimmed to half-cover his ears, and the bangs just barely brushed past his forehead. The back was cut neatly above his neck so that it would not get messy even when he sweated.

“Hyeonjun, what about this one?”

The photo Seo Jeong showed him by turning the laptop screen was the complete opposite of his current hair. The length came down to below his ears, and the bangs looked like they were about to cover his eyes.

“I don’t think it would suit me.”

He knew it would be a stretch without even trying. Crucially, it was not a style he preferred.

“Why don’t you try growing it out?”

Kim Chayeon said, with his arms crossed and his head tilted slightly to the side. His jet-black eyes briefly scanned Do Hyeonjun.

“I think it would be pretty if it were longer from that state.”

After saying that, Kim Chayeon flinched and took a short breath. As if his true feelings had slipped out unintentionally. However, Do Hyeonjun did not notice the change in Kim Chayeon’s expression. It was because he was fiddling with his own bangs and trying his best to look nonchalant, his gaze fixed on a distant point.

Funnily enough, in that moment, Do Hyeonjun decided he would grow his hair out. The feelings of love had the destructive power to easily break even the rules he had kept until now.

“Chayeon definitely has a good sense. While we’re on the topic, let me ask one more thing. Do you think this color suits this frame? Or does yellow suit it?”

“Hmm, since the background is black, yellow would stand out more and be better, right? Oh, there’s a typo here.”

“You’re right. I wouldn’t have known if it weren’t for you.”

“You make typos often, Jeong. Don’t you remember our Korean teacher pointing it out every day in middle school?”

“Ah, right. That’s right. The teacher nagged me so much that I would check it ten times before submitting, but there would still be typos. It was so frustrating.”

Watching the two of them get lost in stories of the past, he took out the phone he had put in his pants pocket again and pressed the record button. The two people in the small frame were very close. He did not even dare to think of intruding, and quietly watched the two who had built up their time together for so long.

He had succeeded in stepping into Kim Chayeon’s boundaries, but the fact that he could not be the center of it remained unchanged. But that was okay. As long as he could stay by his side, even on this precarious borderline.