COAC 25

“Now that I’m done with my work, Chayeon is busy.”

Seo Jeong said as he popped a tangerine segment into his mouth. As soon as Seo Jeong finished his assignment, this time, a flood of work started for Kim Chayeon. Unlike Seo Jeong, who finished his work rather quickly, Kim Chayeon’s task required a lot of time and concentration.

“That’s why you shouldn’t have tagged along.”

“Do Hyeonjun. I can hear you, you know? After I fed you and played with you, you’re being so cold.”

Kim Chayeon said, sitting quite a distance away. His gaze was still on his laptop, and his fingers typing on the keyboard did not rest.

“It’s not that I’m being cold, I’m worried you won’t be able to submit your assignment on time. Don’t you know your friend’s sincere heart?”

“No. I have no idea.”

“You should learn it now. But, why did you really come along?”

He asked Kim Chayeon, who was answering half-heartedly.

It was Seo Jeong who first planned this trip. Unfortunately, when both Do Hyeonjun and Kim Chayeon were unable to make time, Seo Jeong readily said, “Then I’ll just go by myself.”

It was a week after that that Do Hyeonjun joined the trip that Seo Jeong was supposed to go on alone. It was thanks to his trip to Jeju Island with his father being postponed to the Lunar New Year holiday. On the day the three of them were eating at the school cafeteria, Seo Jeong, upon hearing the news, sincerely welcomed him, saying he was bored going alone and that it was great.

‘I haven’t booked the accommodation yet, that’s a relief. Hyeonjun, what should we eat on our trip?’

‘Let’s decide when we get there.’

He and an excited Seo Jeong chatted back and forth about what to eat and what to do. Thud. Kim Chayeon, who had been watching them for a moment, put down his cup. It was not a very loud noise, but it was enough to cut off their conversation. The moment they turned their gaze toward Kim Chayeon, he opened his mouth with a blank expression.

‘I’m going too.’

Kim Chayeon, who had said he was busy just a few days ago, changed his mind so casually. With the schedule he had mentioned before, it would be absolutely impossible. Why the sudden change of heart? Could it be that he did not like the idea of him and Seo Jeong going alone? Or maybe he could not stand the sight of someone other than himself next to Seo Jeong.

He’s surprisingly possessive. He understood in his head that it was plausible, since Kim Chayeon likes Seo Jeong. But a corner of his heart could not help but feel bitter. Nevertheless, the fact that he would have time with him filled his heart with a warm feeling.

And now, Kim Chayeon, who had stubbornly tagged along, was paying the price dearly.

“Wouldn’t it be more convenient to do it while looking for materials at the school library?”

“There’s the electronic library.”

“The electronic library has more books that aren’t there. Your department’s subjects are so broad, so it would be much faster to look at them in person at school. You even have a group project, right? Your professor who assigns group projects during vacation is really something. Anyway, why did you leave the easy way and come all the way here to suffer?”

“The school has better resources. But… it’s just that, this side is more grating.”

Not that it’s on my mind, but grating? His thoughts came to a halt for a moment at the expression he had not expected to hear. Wondering what he meant, he studied Kim Chayeon’s face, but he was focused on his assignment again. Should I ask again? But he was afraid of the answer he might get, so he ended up keeping his mouth shut. He did not want to hear an answer that seemed to be keeping him in check, just in case.

The three of them, including Kim Chayeon who had briefly put down his assignment, came out of the pension. Since it was near a mountain, a little away from the city center, the wind was biting. Kim Chayeon wrapped his own padded jacket around the shoulders of Seo Jeong, who was shivering from the cold. As he was looking at Seo Jeong, who was sniffing and saying thank you, Kim Chayeon lightly grabbed the chest area of his own hoodie and then let go.

“Are you cold too? Should I take it off for you?”

“Why don’t you do something about your frozen face before you talk. If anything, I should be taking off my clothes for you, but you’re just bluffing.”

Kim Chayeon burst out laughing, his bright red cheeks looking like they would pop. What’s with him laughing so cutely? He grumbled to himself and straightened his posture.

As the laughter subsided, a comfortable silence fell. December 31st. The night sky, about thirty minutes before midnight, was full of stars that looked like they would pour down. Without anyone saying it first, they all looked up at the sky.

“Let’s go on an overseas trip next summer vacation. When we’re in our fourth year, we’ll be super busy with graduation projects and theses. I think our third year is our last chance.”

Every time Seo Jeong spoke, a puff of white breath spread out.

“Let’s go backpacking for a month. Let’s visit several countries. How about it?”

“Okay.”

As expected, Kim Chayeon nodded at Seo Jeong’s words without a second thought. If Seo Jeong said he was going to make soybean paste with red beans, he was the type to buy red beans without any suspicion.

Backpacking. It was a good idea. But when he thought about next semester’s tuition and living expenses, he could not answer rashly. As he hesitated, his mind became complicated.

Seo Jeong will be fine. He’ll be disappointed, but he’ll understand. The problem was Kim Chayeon. Wouldn’t he prefer a situation where he and Seo Jeong go alone, without him? Maybe, he might even be hoping for that.

“Do Hyeonjun, what about you?”

He was lost in thought and was startled. Kim Chayeon had turned his head and was looking at him. He could not take his eyes off his hair fluttering in the winter wind, the tip of his red nose and cheeks, and the breath scattering between his lips. He wanted to tidy his messy hair, cup his frozen face with both hands, and steal the breath flowing between his lips with his own.

“What are you going to do.”

Kim Chayeon asked once more.

“Me, well… let’s do that.”

Making all his worries from just a moment ago meaningless, the answer came out before he could think. In the end, he was in no position to criticize Kim Chayeon.

“Of course Hyeonjun has to come too. It’s no fun without you.”

Seo Jeong said, nudging his side with his elbow.

Kim Chayeon’s gaze briefly turned to Seo Jeong before slowly moving to Do Hyeonjun. Rather than expressionless, his face was slightly stiff, as if waiting for a certain answer.

“Unless it’s something really urgent or a big deal, even if one of the three can’t make it, the other two will go on the trip without any regrets, okay? No feeling sad for the person who couldn’t go.”

“Okay.”

Kim Chayeon agreed this time too without hesitation.

He felt sorry for Seo Jeong, but the moment he heard those words, his imagination ran wild. The new side of Kim Chayeon he would face alone in a strange place. A selfish expectation that perhaps he would discover a side that even Seo Jeong did not know began to bloom.

“Seo Jeong. I’m sorry.”

The sudden surge of emotion made his throat tight. At his small mumble, Seo Jeong just smiled, his eyes crinkling. Every time he saw that pure face, his heart warmed. But the warmth soon turned into a cold jealousy. He felt pathetic for not being able to fully wish for his friend’s happiness, and his face flushed.

The person who wished him a happy new year first was Seo Jeong again. This moment, which had started from the year they went from being second-years to third-years in high school, was now in its fourth year.

“Please take care of me this year too.”

“Me too.”

He replied briefly, and without anyone saying it first, they closed their eyes. The act, which started as a joke by Do Hyeonjun four years ago, had now become a yearly New Year’s ritual. Holding hands and interlocking their fingers, they repeated this year’s first resolution.

Don’t get caught. Don’t ruin this relationship right now. I hope I can stay by Kim Chayeon’s side for just a little longer. That alone was enough.

His wish for Kim Chayeon’s happiness was sincere. He was ready to accept it, even if that happiness was by Seo Jeong’s side. Although the nature of his feelings was different, he sincerely liked both Kim Chayeon and Seo Jeong.

Compared to his heart that had only looked at one person for over ten years, his own feelings might just be the beginning. So he would not reveal them. Just to be able to stay with the two of them like this. He wished for it earnestly, really earnestly.

Do Hyeonjun had a very long dream. It meant that he had slept for a long time, and also that past memories had been replayed as a dream. It was the memory of giving up the baseball he was so desperate for due to issues with his secondary gender and injuries, and meeting Seo Jeong and… Kim Chayeon at his new school.

The moment he became comfortable friends with Seo Jeong and realized the shape of his feelings for Kim Chayeon was as vivid as if it were yesterday. Even the time he held his CSAT score report and hesitated whether to go to the same university as the two of them, before finally submitting his application to Hankuk University.

He had made the excuse that it was because Seo Jeong and Kim Chayeon had been pestering him, but in truth, his desire to see Kim Chayeon just one more time was greater. Even though he had half-resigned himself to watching from the sidelines, his heart always overflowed of its own accord.

He had safely passed his first and second years of university and attended the opening general meeting for his third year. Perhaps he was not feeling well that day, because even though he was a strong drinker, he got drunk quickly. A fever rose to his head and he felt chills, so he found some cold medicine, poured it into his mouth, and curled up in bed. His body was so exhausted that he could not even recall the basic common sense that you should not take medicine after drinking. Instead of getting better, it worsened to the point of being painful, and he even thought he might die like this.

At some point, a sweet scent seeped into his fading consciousness. Like a person who had been left under the scorching sun without a sip of water, waiting only to dry up and die, finally discovering a clear spring, the cells of his entire body cried out with a terrible thirst. The reason that had been screaming ‘no’ in a corner of his head was soon swept away by the great wave of instinct and disappeared without a trace.