COAC 27

Ding-dong. Ding-dong. The doorbell rang. His body, as heavy as a waterlogged sponge, had no intention of moving. Who is it? Whoever it is, I wish they would just go away. He stared blankly at the ceiling and closed his eyes, and the image of Kim Chayeon looking at him with a contemptuous gaze came to mind. Do Hyeonjun’s brow furrowed in agony.

Beep beep beep beep. He flinched at the sound of the door lock beeping. It was because a memory from some time ago came back sharply. He forced his body, which kept trying to sag, to get up, and the front door opened just as he was leaving the room. A gentle face was peeking its head in.

“Do Hyeonjun. What’s wrong with you? Even if they don’t check attendance for the first week of classes, it doesn’t make sense for you to skip all of them… Are you sick? Why are you so pale?”

He stared blankly at the man who had approached him. It was Seo Jeong. One of the people he wanted to see the least right now.

“It’s because I haven’t showered. What brings you here?”

Seo Jeong raised an eyebrow and opened his mouth.

“What do you mean, ‘what brings you here,’ so formally. I couldn’t reach you, so I was worried and curious and stopped by. Oh, Chayeon said he’s busy today, so he couldn’t come.”

At the name Kim Chayeon, his heart dropped, sinking heavily to the floor.

“Hyeonjun, I left ‘The Age of Media II’ at home, can I borrow yours? Is it in your room?”

He urgently grabbed Seo Jeong’s arm as he was heading for the room. Seo Jeong, who had stumbled, turned back with his eyes slightly widened.

“It’s not, it’s not in the room, I left it at the club room.”

Kim Chayeon’s pheromones still lingered faintly in the room. Seo Jeong, being a beta, would not be able to smell them, but he did not want any trace of it to be discovered. The sheets, a mess of sweat and semen, had already been thrown into the washing machine, but he could not erase the traces left in the air.

“Really? I guess I’ll have to stop by the club room later. More importantly, why is your phone off? Chayeon brought it to you during the opening general meeting. He found that you left your phone behind. I was too drunk, so I asked Chayeon to do it.”

The puzzle of why Kim Chayeon had come to his house that day was finally solved. It was because of Seo Jeong’s request. All the moments that had overlapped under the name of coincidence had ultimately created the most terrible result.

Seeing Seo Jeong’s reaction, which was no different from usual, it was clear that he did not know about ‘that incident.’ Because Kim Chayeon likes Seo Jeong. There was no way he would tell the person he cherished about such a filthy incident. That was only natural.

“How is Kim, Chayeon?”

“Chayeon? He’s just the same as usual. We’re going to have dinner later, you should come too.”

Before he could stop him, Seo Jeong pressed the call button. Ring, ring. Ring, ring. The other person answered the phone before the second ring had even finished.

“Hey. Should we eat something hot today? Something like ginseng chicken soup or loach soup to help Hyeonjun recover.”

Do Hyeonjun held his breath.

“Why? You said you were free earlier. What suddenly came up that made you busy?”

He could not hear the voice on the other end of the line, but he could clearly picture what kind of expression Kim Chayeon was making and what he was saying. His heart tightened, and he consciously exhaled. He grabbed Seo Jeong’s wrist, which was holding the phone, and shook his head. Seo Jeong looked at him with a slight frown and then hung up, saying they would talk again later.

“Are you really okay? You were just sweating a lot.”

“I think I caught a cold from the chilly wind. This body ache is a bit severe.”

As he said it was a cold, Do Hyeonjun thought of the suppressant. If only I hadn’t bought the medicine at the pharmacy, would things not have gotten this messed up? It’s a useless what-if now, though.

“I think I’ll be fine after a good night’s sleep, so don’t mind me and you two go have dinner.”

“I think Kim Chayeon has other plans? He said okay just this afternoon, but he suddenly changed his mind. It better not be anything important.”

It was probably not sudden. It was probably because he had joined them for dinner. But he did not want to bring up that fact, so he kept his mouth shut. He wanted to lay his body, as weak as a dry tree bark, on the bed as soon as possible. He liked the moments when he was falling asleep because he did not have to remember anything.

“Oh, right. The professor for Broadcasting Production gave out an assignment on the first week of classes. I’ll send you a message, so check it.”

“Yeah. Thanks. You have your next class, right? You should get going.”

He waved at Seo Jeong, who kept looking back as if he were worried.

After confirming that the door was closed, he trudged into the room. He threw himself onto the bed and buried his face in the sheets. The lingering scent tenaciously pierced the tip of his nose. He took a deep breath and then let out a dry laugh. What am I doing right now? Looking for traces like this. It was really pathetic. He clutched the sheets tightly and closed his eyes.

Really, did he have no ulterior motives at all? Could he confidently say that it was all instinct? Could it be that he had held onto him because of the ugly desire to have Kim Chayeon?

When he opened his eyes after spending the heat with Kim Chayeon, the scene in the room was disastrous. Sweat and semen, clothes strewn about messily. In the midst of those blatant traces, Kim Chayeon had waited for him without waking him up while he was asleep.

What had he been thinking during that time? Bewilderment? Or disgust?

Perhaps, it was a deep disappointment in him, whom he had believed to be a friend.

No matter how much he mulled it over, there was no answer.

He could not stay cooped up at home forever, so he headed to school. Including the weekend and the heat period, it had been almost a week since he last attended school. His classmates, whom he had been rubbing shoulders with in the same department for three years now, welcomed him. They patted his shoulder, saying it had been a while, or waved their hands in acknowledgment.

“Do Hyeonjun, it’s been a while. I didn’t see you around, so I thought you took a leave of absence.”

“Yeah. It’s been a while.”

He laughed dryly at the joke and played along with the greetings. Unlike his chaotic mind, his body melted into the crowd like a machine. Thanks to the bustling noise, he could forcibly hold onto the emotions that were sinking to an unknown bottom.

“Kim Chayeon, you were here already?”

He came face to face with the biggest reason he had not wanted to come to school. A general education class the three of them took together. He was still too confused to face Kim Chayeon and had been trying to sneak out of it, but Seo Jeong had caught him and practically dragged him there.

He quickly sat down, avoiding eye contact with Kim Chayeon. Kim Chayeon, Seo Jeong, Do Hyeonjun. Or the other way around, that was their usual seating arrangement. He could hear Seo Jeong and Kim Chayeon talking next to him. A pleasant, soft, low tone. But in Do Hyeonjun’s ears, the icy voice that had said, ‘Don’t you ever make that kind of face in front of me again,’ overlapped. What kind of expression am I making right now? I’m trying my best not to show any expression, but is it working? I don’t know.

In the end, he did not say a single word to Kim Chayeon during that general education class.

For nearly two weeks after his confession, which was close to an exposé, he thought he was holding up well. Even though a part of his chest was burning precariously, it was bearable. But sometimes, the memory of Kim Chayeon’s disappointed expression directed at him would come back, and it was agonizing.

At times like these, distracting himself with other things to block the flow of thoughts was one way. Just like how he had suppressed his feelings by clinging to his studies in high school. Of course, he had not known that the feelings he had suppressed would eventually burst out, magnified.

He got a drink from the vending machine in the library building to cool his head. The lounge was noisy and bustling with people who had come out for a short break or to hang out. A voice was heard from behind Do Hyeonjun, who was sitting in a corner and downing a cold drink.

“Hey, this guy got rejected. Isn’t that hilarious?”

“No. The mood was good, I tell you. Honestly, if you eat and watch a movie together, isn’t that the right time for a confession? How was I supposed to know she’d reject me when the mood was clearly pointing to acceptance? I was so flustered when she said, ‘I’m sorry, but I thought of you as a friend.’”

“She probably ate and watched a movie with you without any pressure because she thought of you as a friend. You were just mistaken.”

“Ah, man. So embarrassing.”

A sound that was neither a sigh nor a lament from the person who had been rejected after confessing followed.

“So what are you going to do? Keep trying?”

“There’s nothing more to try or not try, the situation with her is super awkward right now. I think it’s better to just give up cleanly. Instead of wasting my emotions, I should find someone else. I think that would be better for her and for me.”

The conversation of strangers flew and lodged in him like daggers. It was not exactly about him, but it was not completely different either.

‘It’s better to give up.’

It was a sentence that had been echoing emptily in his mind for the past few days.

From the moment he lost his reason and spat out the confession, it was already irreversible. Now that he had confirmed Kim Chayeon’s contempt, there was only one option left. He had been holding on for a long time, knowing it would not work out anyway.