COAC 44

“It’s my father. Hey, this is the final version. Just check it one more time for any typos or weird parts.”

He pushed the laptop slightly towards Kim Chayeon and left the living room while answering the phone.

“Yes. Father. It’s me.”

It wasn’t anything important, just a simple call to see how he was doing. When he returned after finishing the short call with his father, the living room was empty. It seemed Kim Chayeon had already gone back to his room.

Did he go back to his room? Feeling puzzled, he sat in front of the laptop. He checked it one last time and began closing the open windows one by one. He closed the PowerPoint window, closed the research window, and just as he was about to close the last open cloud storage window, Do Hyeonjun’s finger stopped in mid-air.

“…”

One photo folder was empty. It was the folder where Do Hyeonjun had collected the photos of Kim Chayeon he had taken over the years. Using practice as an excuse, or under the pretense of making memories, he had taken them one by one over several years and cherished them.

Seeing that the other things were perfectly fine, it was clear that it had been deleted on purpose. The hand holding the mouse trembled faintly. He stared at the empty folder for a long while, then bit his lip and moved the mouse.

No way, it can’t be.

“Ha.”

The folder Do Hyeonjun was looking for was in the trash bin, whole. It wasn’t a mistake. Rather than being angry… he was sad.

He should have just deleted it cleanly. The fact that it was thrown in the trash was even more gut-wrenching. The saliva going down his throat tasted terribly bitter.

“You’re really too much.”

As Do Hyeonjun restored the folder that had been thrown into the trash, his eyelids flushed bright red.

Regardless of Do Hyeonjun’s complicated feelings, school life continued busily. Especially with the first semester midterms approaching, he was swamped with assignments. The business administration department was just as busy, so the number of times he ran into Kim Chayeon at school naturally decreased. In the past, he would have loitered in front of the business school to see his face, even for just ten or twenty minutes of spare time, but now he didn’t have the courage. Seo Jeong was also buried in assignments and didn’t notice the subtle distance between the two.

During the midterm period, Do Hyeonjun lived in the library. Today, after finishing his studying for the earliest exam subject, he headed to the lounge to cool his head for a bit. In the space bustling with students who had come out for a short break, he got a coffee from the vending machine, took a sip, and checked his phone.

The department-wide group chat, the chat for his year, the chat with traces of group projects… Among the numerous chat rooms, he pressed the one he had pinned to the top. A message from Seo Jeong saying “see you tomorrow” and Kim Chayeon’s reply telling him to get home safely were there.

“…”

Kim Chayeon. Just seeing his three-syllable name made him feel restless. A one-sided crush can at least hold onto hope, but a rejected one-sided love has nothing but despair. He threw the paper cup, which had been mangled by his teeth, into the trash and returned to his seat. Next to the open textbook and writing utensils, there was a can of an energy drink he hadn’t seen before.

「You look so cool when you’re studying. Fighting!! ^^ If you’re okay with it, I’d like to have a cup of coffee with you!! Please contact me hehe」

A phone number was written in a roundish script on a character post-it note.

He had received notes like this several times since entering university. Kim Chayeon, in particular, would have snacks of all kinds piled up like a mountain where he had been sitting whenever he left his seat.

If back then he had been relieved by his indifference in never accepting the snacks and contact information and putting them in the lost and found, now he empathized with the feelings of the people who had left them. Because now he and they were in a similar situation.

So his gaze lingered a little longer on the note he would have normally just passed over. Do Hyeonjun, who was looking around while holding the energy drink, stopped breathing. Kim Chayeon was coming in through the library door. It wasn’t intentional, but their eyes met directly in mid-air.

The black eyes scanned Do Hyeonjun’s face and moved to the drink he was holding. His heart rate sped up as the distance between them closed. Should I say hello? We agreed to act as usual at school. But Seo Jeong isn’t here now.

Just as he was about to awkwardly raise his hand, unable to decide what to do, Kim Chayeon walked straight past him. It was a complete dismissal, without even a hint of hesitation. Do Hyeonjun clenched the hand he had been awkwardly raising into a fist and lowered it.

He took a deep breath and bit his lip. It had never been like this even during his seventeen-year-old days when he had been most wary of him. Because back then, at least he had recognized him as an ‘existence’.

The unspoken promise of studying together, whether as three or two, that they had made after their childish vow at the desk, was completely shattered at this moment. Even after sitting down, he couldn’t recover from the shock. For a very long time.

The next day, under Seo Jeong’s lead, the three of them headed to the library. Kim Chayeon, who had ignored him the day before, was now acting as if nothing had happened. Not wanting to see his face sitting opposite him, Do Hyeonjun buried his head in his book.

Separate from his troubled heart, he thankfully managed to get through the midterms somehow.

“This midterm was unusually difficult. I just hope my GPA is over 4.0. How was it for you, Hyeonjun?”

“It was just okay.”

“…you say that and then you’ll get a perfect score again. I’m not falling for it anymore. Hey, Kim Chayeon. You’re the same, aren’t you? Why are you reacting like you don’t know what I’m talking about? I’m proud that my two best friends are both at the top of their departments, but why are tears coming to my eyes?”

Seo Jeong pretended to cry, dabbing at her dry eyes with the end of her sleeve.

“Our Hyeonjun. It feels like just yesterday that you were studying all night to get into Hankuk University, when did you grow up so well?”

“This is all thanks to you, Seo Jeong’s dad. I’ll succeed and be a filial son.”

When he played along with the joke, Seo Jeong laughed heartily and patted his shoulder.

“I’m not just saying it, I’m really proud of you. Aren’t I right, Chayeon?”

Kim Chayeon, who hadn’t been participating in the conversation, just nodded without even looking this way.

“You’re right.”

Normally, he would have added a few words about the past, but now the conversation didn’t continue. As if he had nothing more to say about him. Or as if the memories they had built over the past five years meant nothing.

After the particularly exhausting midterms ended, the festival season approached. The end of the one-month grace period he had promised Kim Chayeon also approached. Do Hyeonjun, who arrived at the hospital alone, ran into Kim Chayeon waiting for him in the lobby. Frowning as if displeased, he spotted Do Hyeonjun and headed to the examination room first.

The test results were summarized in one line.

“It’s hard to say he’s stable.”

The doctor said without even turning the computer screen, his eyes fixed on the monitor.

“I followed everything you said, doctor. Holding hands four times a week, for twenty minutes. But there’s still no improvement?”

How hard it had been while holding hands with Kim Chayeon. How restless he had felt, how cluelessly his heart had fluttered, and how hurt he had been by Kim Chayeon, who would pull his hand away as if shaking it off the very second the twenty minutes were up.

“Is there any possibility of suddenly stabilizing in one day?”

Do Hyeonjun asked again, unable to give up.

“Holding hands was just a minimum guideline. To put it simply, Mr. Do Hyeonjun’s body already fully recognizes Mr. Kim Chayeon as its Alpha. It’s similar to a state of addiction. This means that if the pheromone supply is suddenly cut off here, the body will experience extreme stress and, as a survival instinct, may forcibly induce another heat cycle to draw Mr. Kim Chayeon back.”

“…”

“Actually, it’s rare for a recessive to unilaterally imprint on a dominant. So let’s try various things.”

Why did that rare case have to happen to him, of all people? His fingers couldn’t stay still and repeatedly clenched and unclenched his knees. It made him more anxious that Kim Chayeon next to him said nothing.

He left the hospital with a heavier heart than last time. His head was throbbing, and he wanted to lie down right away, but there was something he had to do.

“I’ll start by packing my things first. I’ll be out by the end of this week at the latest.”

“What’s the point?”

Kim Chayeon answered immediately. He snapped his gaze, which had been wandering on the floor, up to look at him. He had thought that since he had kept the initial condition, he wouldn’t care what happened afterwards. He was curious about what he meant by that. Could he be worried about me? The ‘what if’ that he thought had been worn away to nothing peeked its head out again this time.

“Is there any point in moving to another place? Your body is the problem.”

“I can be careful on my own. I have suppressants, and since I’m a recessive, the chance of a heat cycle is low anyway.”

Do Hyeonjun turned his head to the front and looked at the traffic light. Soon it turned green, and among the people who began to move, the two also started walking.

“If it were a problem that could be solved by being careful on your own, we wouldn’t have started living together in the first place. If something happens to you while you’re out in an unstable state, it’ll only be a hassle for me. I don’t want to get involved any further. So just stay.”

The period he could stay with him had been extended. However, he couldn’t be entirely happy, as the look of something being suppressed was evident on Kim Chayeon’s stern face.

Watching his back as he strode ahead, Do Hyeonjun rubbed his face with his dry hands. While thinking he wanted to escape, a corner of his heart was happy about the extended grace period.

He wished all of this was just because of the imprinting effect. Because if it were a simple instinct, he would be able to escape it someday. But what if this was my complete, sincere feeling? How far would he have to bear the weight of a heart that doesn’t wear out?