CoP 36

Ji Ling found a pretext to go back to his place by saying he needed to fetch some books.

The moment he opened the door, he blinked, momentarily disoriented by the familiar sight of the dining room he had so carefully arranged.

He walked to the kitchen, opened the fridge, and saw the cake he had bought in advance. It was a small, round cream cake, adorned with slices of orange, a fruit he had specifically requested from the shopkeeper.

Ji Ling thought oranges were the perfect fruit for Sui Cannong.

Oranges were delicious, packed with vitamins, and both the peel and the flesh were a bright, cheerful orange, just like Sui Cannong.

Ji Ling closed the fridge door and stood there for a moment, lost in thought.

Then he returned to the dining room and began to take down the birthday decorations one by one. When he had hung them up, Ji Ling had secretly hoped to see the look on Sui Cannong’s face, but now his feelings were very different.

During the time he had spent with Sui Cannong, Ji Ling felt as though he was living a bizarre yet warm and happy dream.

But now he realized that every moment of happiness for him might have been a time of torment and anxiety for Sui Cannong.

Ji Ling struggled to remove the small flags he had stuck on the walls. The tape was so tightly adhered that he couldn’t peel it off no matter how hard he tried.

His eyes began to sting.

He pressed his lips together, trying to focus on the small piece of transparent tape, but his vision gradually blurred.

He should have felt something was off from the beginning, shouldn’t he?

The extreme tension on Sui Cannong’s face, the strange and funny videos he sent, the oversized swimming ring he bought for no reason, the way he wouldn’t let him walk near the river, the deliberate way he blocked the paintings at the art gallery, the sudden invitation to live together, the stubborn use of plastic knives, and the bathroom door without a handle.

And on Halloween, Sui Cannong’s abrupt confession and request to start dating.

Ji Ling knew it was his own fault.

Falling for a colleague of the same gender, he wanted to get closer to Sui Cannong but was afraid of offending him or disrupting his life.

So he had been very cautious in every step he took.

When the person he had liked for so long finally proposed dating, Ji Ling was overwhelmed with joy and didn’t want to think rationally or analyze the inconsistencies.

He was awkward and inexperienced, and he hadn’t realized that his words and actions had caused such distress to Sui Cannong.

That night, he saw genuine worry and sadness on Sui Cannong’s face.

And in Sui Cannong’s eyes, he had always been someone with suicidal tendencies, someone who needed constant protection and supervision.

Now everything made sense. For example, even though their first meeting at the café had gone badly, Sui Cannong still brought his tray over and sat opposite him the next day.

Sui Cannong always asked if he had any troubles and quickly proposed dating on Halloween after he mentioned wanting to be in a relationship.

Ji Ling didn’t know how Sui Cannong had viewed him all along. Someone who needed to be saved? He must have had some affection, given his response to Liang Juan in the hallway: “Probably.”

But Ji Ling finally understood the main motivation behind Sui Cannong’s proactive approach and the subsequent dating proposal.

His mind was a mess.

But he also clearly realized that the foundation of their relationship was flawed, and this misunderstanding had already affected Sui Cannong’s life. He couldn’t drag him along and keep him anxious any longer.

The phone on the table vibrated, and the ringtone sounded. Ji Ling stared at the screen for a moment.

Then he lowered his head, wiped his eyes, and answered the call.

Sui Cannong’s voice came through the line, light and cheerful: “I’ve parked the car at the entrance. How many books do you have? Do you really need to carry them all by yourself?”

Ji Ling took a few steps and randomly grabbed a few books from the shelf.

He tried to make his voice sound normal, saying calmly, “No, it’s not many. I’ll be out soon.”

Sui Cannong hummed on the other end. “It’s fine, don’t worry about the number. We have plenty of space at home. Bring as many as you can.”

“I’ll buy another bookshelf for the study to store your books,” Sui Cannong said with a smile. “How about that?”

Ji Ling paused.

“It’s okay, there aren’t that many books,” he said. “We can talk about it later.”

Sui Cannong had noticed that Ji Ling seemed off these past two days.

Ji Ling was usually meticulous and focused, so being absent-minded was unusual for him.

Recently, Ji Ling had been zoning out more often. While he occasionally daydreamed, Sui Cannong felt that his current state of mind was different.

For example, right now, Ji Ling was holding a spray bottle and staring at a row of mushroom pots.

He looked vacant, and Sui Cannong knew it was a strange description, but he couldn’t think of a better way to describe it.

It was the end of the university application season, and their workload was heavy. They were writing recommendation letters one after another, and both were quite busy.

Sui Cannong thought Ji Ling was probably exhausted.

The mushroom pots had just completed their third fruiting. Some had failed during the second round, but a few resilient ones had made it to the third, producing a final batch of thin, small mushrooms.

As Sui Cannong watered other plants nearby, considering whether to take Ji Ling somewhere to relax over the weekend, Thomas happened to pass by.

Thomas greeted them enthusiastically, wishing them a good weekend, and Sui Cannong waved back.

When he turned around, he noticed Ji Ling looking at him and asked, “What’s wrong?”

Ji Ling was silent for a moment, then Sui Cannong heard him ask, “Why did you… ask me to help you grow mushrooms back then?”

Realizing his question might sound strange, Ji Ling paused and added, “I mean, Thomas’s classroom is right next to yours, and you two are good friends.”

Ji Ling’s tone was casual, but Sui Cannong was taken aback.

Ji Ling’s request to take care of the roses had genuinely scared Sui Cannong. He had thought he needed to find a way to keep Ji Ling around.

Later, after reflecting on his own thoughts, Sui Cannong realized that he had also wanted to spend more time with Ji Ling.

Sui Cannong pondered for a moment and said, “Because you’re very careful. You took good care of the roses. If Thomas had taken care of them, they probably wouldn’t have lasted three days.”

Ji Ling didn’t say anything more. After a while, Sui Cannong heard him softly say, “Okay.”

As they walked from the teaching building to the parking lot, the sky had already darkened.

Sui Cannong thought for a moment and suggested, “How about we order takeout tonight? We can get some of your favorite dishes. My cooking skills are limited these days…”

Ji Ling shook his head. “But I want to eat something you cook.”

Sui Cannong’s heart softened.

“Alright, I’ll cook something special for you tonight,” he said.

When they got home, Sui Cannong first looked up a recipe online. Considering how cold it had been lately, he decided to make a pot of soup for Ji Ling.

Sui Cannong struggled to cut the meat with a plastic knife. When he looked up, he saw Ji Ling standing at the kitchen door, quietly watching his movements.

Ji Ling blinked, and Sui Cannong, looking at the deformed plastic knife in his hand, said awkwardly, “The meat hasn’t thawed completely.”

“Are you hungry?” Sui Cannong quickly changed the subject. “Do you want to eat some fruit to tide you over?”

Ji Ling shook his head and walked into the kitchen. “It’s fine. I want to watch you cook.”

Sui Cannong prepared the ingredients, and Ji Ling quietly helped him. After the chicken went into the pot, Ji Ling suddenly asked, “What’s the date today?”

“It’s the 20th,” Sui Cannong said, rinsing the cutting board under the tap. “Why do you ask?”

Ji Ling was silent for a moment. After a while, he said, “Never mind.”

“Can we go for a walk tomorrow?” Ji Ling looked up at Sui Cannong. “We’ve been busy lately and haven’t gone out in a while.”

Sui Cannong thought for a moment. “Sure.”

Ji Ling nodded.

“I’m a bit tired,” he said. “I’ll go to bed early.”

Sui Cannong agreed.

While waiting for the soup to simmer, Sui Cannong tidied up the dining table and noticed the books Ji Ling had brought back.

Ji Ling seemed to enjoy reading physical books, and Sui Cannong loved seeing him curled up on the sofa, head slightly lowered, quietly reading.

Although Ji Ling had said he didn’t need it, Sui Cannong had secretly ordered a large bookshelf online to surprise him.

But leaving the books scattered around wasn’t ideal, so Sui Cannong hesitated for a moment and then started to organize them.

Ji Ling’s books were quite heavy, so Sui Cannong tried to stack a few together and carry them all at once.

However, the stack was too high, and Sui Cannong overestimated his strength. After a few steps, he lost his grip, and the books fell to the floor.

Sui Cannong’s head throbbed.

He had to crouch down and pick up the books one by one, checking each one for damage.

As he lifted one of the books, a thin, square piece of paper fell out.

It was a movie ticket.

Sui Cannong recognized the movie title: “Tomorrow Will Be Better.”

He remembered clearly that this was the movie they had watched together.

At that time, they had just started to get to know each other, and Sui Cannong even remembered the funny couple’s meal they had ordered, with a bucket of colorful popcorn and cherry cola that tasted like paint.

Why did Ji Ling still keep this ticket?

An old, used ticket, carefully and meticulously pressed between the pages of a book, when they weren’t even very close back then…

Holding the ticket, Sui Cannong felt his mind start to spin.

He looked up in confusion and saw the lemon plant on the balcony.