DAH Ch 5

The little boy was incredibly persistent.

“Hey, come on…! Wait outside.”

Jungjoon frowned, exasperated, scolding Yoonhae. His younger brother had followed him into the bathroom stall and was now looking up at him with his usual stubborn expression.

“I’ll be right out, just wait outside.”

“…….”

“It won’t take long, okay?”

Even after Jungjoon hinted that he needed to use the toilet for a bowel movement, Yoonhae didn’t budge. Jungjoon sighed in defeat. He’d initially tolerated Yoonhae following him to the bathroom, but it was getting worse. This insistence on being present even during a bowel movement was frankly embarrassing.

Unable to get rid of him, Jungjoon did his business, thankfully with Yoonhae facing the other way, as instructed. The small, smelly stall felt even more cramped than usual. As he strained, Jungjoon couldn’t help but laugh at the absurdity of the situation.

Yoonhae’s clinginess knew no bounds. Bath time was no exception. In the communal shower room, Yoonhae would sit next to Jungjoon, as usual, and lately, he’d been staring at the sparse patch of hair that had begun to sprout between Jungjoon’s legs. Self-conscious under the child’s innocent yet blatant observation, Jungjoon finally said, “What are you looking at?”

Despite the reprimand, Yoonhae’s bright eyes remained fixed on Jungjoon’s groin.

“Hyung… down there…”

Jungjoon pushed away Yoonhae’s inquisitive finger as it reached out and muttered, “…Yours will look like that soon.”

But Yoonhae’s curious gaze persisted until they were finished washing. Jungjoon felt annoyed, but he couldn’t bring himself to scold or stop him, remembering that the boy had no father figure in his life.

Jungjoon had inadvertently become Yoonhae’s sole example of masculinity. Yoonhae observed his every move, mimicking his words and actions. While Jungjoon understood it was a child’s way of learning, he couldn’t help but feel suffocated at times. He felt constrained, unable to act as freely as he’d done before.

Yoonhae copied even his smallest habits, like bouncing his leg or cracking his knuckles. He imitated everything, from resting his elbows on the table during meals to drinking a glass of water after eating. It forced Jungjoon to break some of his bad habits.

“Doesn’t it bother you, having that leech attached to you all the time?”

Tae-young asked one day, looking at Yoonhae clinging to Jungjoon’s side. Tae-young was one of Jungjoon’s few friends in the orphanage, the same age as him. They had drifted apart somewhat since Yoonhae had started following Jungjoon around.

“What are you looking at, you stuttering freak?”

Tae-young snapped, just from Yoonhae looking at him.

“Man, Seo Jungjoon, I would’ve beaten this kid up and sent him packing a long time ago.”

As soon as Tae-young finished his taunt, Yoonhae launched himself at him. In the blink of an eye, he was clinging to Tae-young, scratching his face like a wildcat. Jungjoon was so startled by the sudden, ferocious attack that he reached out instinctively.

“Aaargh—!”

Tae-young’s scream echoed through the room. Jungjoon tried to pull Yoonhae off, but he wouldn’t let go. He clung to Tae-young with surprising strength, as if determined to finish what he’d started.

It took a few other boys to finally pry him loose, but by then, blood was streaming down Tae-young’s face. He sat there, sobbing and cursing, but he didn’t dare retaliate against Yoonhae, who was staring at him with a wild look in his eyes.

That day, everyone who witnessed the fight, including Jungjoon, was shocked. While Yoonhae had caused trouble before, this was the first time he’d shown such aggression, such uncontrolled rage.

The other boys, stunned by the seven-year-old’s unexpected violence, avoided him. That night, in the quiet dormitory, Yoonhae clung to Jungjoon even more tightly than usual, his thin but strong limbs wrapped around Jungjoon, his legs intertwined with his.

“Hyung…”

He mumbled Jungjoon’s name, as always. Everyone else was fast asleep, lost in dreams sweeter than reality.

“…It’s hot.”

Jungjoon complained irritably, but he didn’t push Yoonhae away. He couldn’t stop thinking about what had happened earlier that day.

“Hyung…”

“…What?”

“Hyung…”

Yoonhae kept mumbling his name, his hot breath on Jungjoon’s neck, his lips brushing against his skin. It was starting to become unbearable.

Jungjoon abruptly turned away and ignored Yoonhae’s incessant whispers. He closed his eyes tightly, trying to ignore Yoonhae’s breath, the dampness where their skin touched. He tried to forget the leech-like presence clinging to him and willed himself to fall asleep, to escape into a pleasant dream, away from the dreary reality.

But instead of pleasant dreams, he had the most terrifying nightmare he’d ever experienced. A large, heavy insect, like a predator, was clinging to him, refusing to let go. He woke up covered in goosebumps, still trapped. Yoonhae was still clinging to him, his thin but surprisingly strong limbs wrapped around him.

“…….”

Sweat trickled down Jungjoon’s temples as he looked down at the sleeping boy. He listened to Yoonhae’s slow, rhythmic breathing, so peaceful it seemed to have stolen all the tranquility in the world. The sound filled him with an unbearable sense of dread.

“You wait here.”

“W-Why? I wanna go too…!”

It was the weekend, a rare day with no chores from the director. Jungjoon was determined to go out without Yoonhae for once. He’d initially planned to sneak out, but Yoonhae was too clingy, so he was trying to reason with him.

“I’ll be back in thirty minutes. Can’t you wait that long?”

“But I… I wanna go too…”

“I told you, you’re too young to go there. And they won’t let me in if you’re with me.”

“Th-Then, I’ll… I’ll wait outside…”

Jungjoon sighed at Yoonhae’s persistence.

“Can’t you do me a favor, just this once? I always listen to you, don’t I?”

“…….”

Yoonhae looked down, his eyes welling up. Seizing the opportunity, Jungjoon patted his shoulder. “I’ll buy you something delicious when I get back,” he coaxed.

“Wait here. I’ll be back soon.”

Afraid Yoonhae would cling to him again, Jungjoon quickly walked away. Yoonhae trailed behind him, his face a mixture of confusion and desperation. He kept pleading to be taken along, clinging to Jungjoon until the very last moment. Jungjoon felt a pang of guilt, but his desire for freedom, for a brief respite from Yoonhae, was too strong.

“A-Are you sure… I… I can’t go…?”

“Yes. It’s an internet cafe. Seven-year-olds aren’t allowed.”

“Y-You’ll be… be back soon, right? I-In thirty minutes…?”

“Yes.”

Despite his unusual maturity and occasional spitefulness, Yoonhae was still a child. And because he trusted Jungjoon implicitly, he was easily fooled by the simple lie.

Finally free, Jungjoon ran down the street, the sound of his footsteps light and quick. He was surprised by how free he felt, simply being alone, without Yoonhae.

He met up with his friends and went to the playground. They ran around, exploring their usual haunts – the schoolyard, the nearby vacant lot, the small hill behind the orphanage. He could play with matches and lighters, a little dangerously, without worrying about Yoonhae.

Free from his childcare duties, Jungjoon felt light and carefree. He immersed himself in the games, losing track of time, a stark contrast to the times he’d felt like an outsider, tagging along with his friends while burdened with Yoonhae.

“How long can you stay out?”

One of his friends asked, worried that Jungjoon would have to return to the orphanage soon.

“I don’t know… late?”

Yoonhae’s pleading face flashed through his mind. He felt a twinge of guilt, but he didn’t want to return to that stifling place, to his tiresome role as Yoonhae’s caretaker. He wanted to savor this hard-won freedom for as long as possible.

“Let’s go to the internet cafe.”

“Okay.”

Jungjoon readily agreed and followed his friends. They descended the long flight of stairs leading to the basement internet cafe they frequented. The dim lighting, the flashing neon signs, the smell of cigarette smoke, the sounds of games and typing – it was all familiar and comforting.

Once he started playing, Jungjoon lost himself in the virtual world. While he wasn’t as skilled as his friends, who spent hours there every day, he managed to win quite a few games. Time flew by, erased by his immersion in the game.

He only had enough money for two hours. After that, he watched his friends play, which was almost as exciting as playing himself.

“Hey, want to see something?”

“Something? Oh—that—”

They’d been playing for hours. Two of his friends exchanged a look, a silent signal Jungjoon didn’t understand, then abruptly ended their game. They glanced around furtively, as if about to do something illicit, then pulled up a strange video on the monitor.

“Hey, huddle close. Don’t let anyone see.”

It was pornography. The older boys had shown him similar videos a few times, but Jungjoon had always found them disturbing and unpleasant, and he’d never really watched.

“Hey, look. A male omega.”

“…….”

The naked man in the video was an omega, they explained. Jungjoon, seeing a male omega for the first time, frowned in confusion. The omega, despite being called an omega, clearly had a male body and a penis. His skin was pale, and there was something subtly different about him compared to ordinary beta males, but he was still undeniably male, and Jungjoon felt a sense of revulsion.

“That’s gay. Why are you watching a man?”

Another friend chimed in, sharing his sentiment.

“Watching omegas isn’t gay. Omegas can get pregnant, even if they’re male.”

Jungjoon stared blankly at the screen as a clear fluid leaked from between the man’s spread buttocks, then abruptly turned away.

“Turn it off. Let’s go. If we get caught, we’ll be banned from here.”

His friends, sensing his disapproval, quickly closed the video.

Outside, they were all hungry. They spotted a nearby snack bar and headed towards it, but Jungjoon said he had to go. His friends, knowing he was out of money, dragged him along.

He tried to refuse, embarrassed about always being treated, but he couldn’t resist his friends’ insistence and the enticing aroma of food.

“My, what a handsome young man. What grade are you in?”

“…Fifth grade.”

“Such a bright, handsome boy.”

“Thank you.”

Jungjoon bowed politely at the lady’s compliment as she served them tteokbokki. His ears flushed slightly.

He secretly enjoyed these compliments. They made him feel like he wasn’t so different from the other kids, that he even had something that made him worthy of praise.

“Seo Jungjoon, everyone!”

His friends cheered, teasing him about being a pretty boy.

“This guy’s seriously popular. Kim Yeonju and Park Juhee both like him.”

“…That’s not true.”

He denied it, but he knew some girls had crushes on him. He was secretly pleased, but he wasn’t interested in dating, like some of the more precocious kids. He didn’t see the point, and he was also acutely aware of his circumstances.

‘Does your mom work? Or is she a stay-at-home mom?’

‘What company does your dad work for? What time does he come home?’

Questions that were commonplace for other kids were dreaded by Jungjoon.

‘Hey, look, it’s the orphanage beggars.’

He’d overheard a group of older boys say that near the orphanage, and the words were burned into his memory, a constant reminder of his unusual circumstances. Some days, he was aware of it from the moment he woke up to the moment he went to sleep, even in his dreams.

Abandoned by his parents. No family. It was a brand that never faded, a constant, searing reminder.

“Did you know Lee Bomi and Park Jaewon are dating?”

The conversation shifted to girls and dating, and Jungjoon listened, smiling and occasionally chiming in. Relieved that it was a topic he could relate to, he glanced out the window. The sky was turning a reddish hue, and children were walking home, hand in hand with their mothers.

After parting ways with his friends, Jungjoon walked slowly through the darkening streets, a sense of unease settling over him. The closer he got to the orphanage, the stronger it became. Like a premonition, it weighed down his limbs, making him feel heavy and sluggish.

“…….”

Had he ever dreaded returning this much?

He stopped at the orphanage gate, unable to go any further. This feeling was different from the nausea he’d felt during summer break, returning from a brief errand after a day of grueling chores, a brief taste of freedom snatched away. Back then, it had been the dread of knowing what awaited him. Now, it was the fear of the unknown.

…I want to get out of here.

He desperately wanted to start working, to earn money. Money would make things so much better. He could earn his own living, and eventually, leave this place. It was the most realistic dream he could have right now. He’d decided to start delivering newspapers next year, as soon as he was old enough.

“…….”

His hand reached for the gate, then dropped. He envied the older boys who had left the orphanage with their meager government stipends.

Some of them had complained about the small amount or the lack of options, but to Jungjoon, it sounded like a luxury. He was certain that anywhere, even the streets or prison, would be better than this place.

“Ha…”

He couldn’t delay any longer. He sighed and pushed open the gate. Creak. The rusty metal protested as he entered the familiar courtyard. It felt darker than usual. The lights in the building were on, so he looked around, trying to figure out what felt different. His gaze settled on a shadowy figure huddled in a corner of the yard.

“…….”

It was Yoonhae, sitting on the cement floor. His eyes gleamed darkly in the shadows as he stared at Jungjoon. He scrambled to his feet as their eyes met and started walking towards Jungjoon.

He stumbled, each step labored, as if he hadn’t eaten in days, or had been badly beaten. He finally reached Jungjoon and threw his arms around him.

“…Ooh… ooh…”

A sound like a wounded animal. Jungjoon froze, trapped.

“Ooh… ooh…”

Yoonhae sobbed, his grip tightening around Jungjoon.

“…….”

Jungjoon stood there, frozen, then placed a hand on Yoonhae’s shoulder.

“Th-Thirty… thirty m-minutes…!”

He was crying, complaining that Jungjoon hadn’t returned after thirty minutes. His sobs and barely coherent words grew louder.

“Waaah… waaah…!”

His cries escalated into a furious wail, the cracking, choked sounds making it sound even more hysterical. He shook with rage and grief, his thin body trembling uncontrollably, as if an evil spirit was being exorcised. He cried for a long time, then finally collapsed, exhausted, his sobs subsiding into silence.

Jungjoon picked up the limp boy and hurried back to their room. In the light, he saw how badly Yoonhae was affected. He looked like a different child. His face was swollen from crying, his hair a mess, his body covered in scratches and bruises. He looked like he’d been living on the streets for a month. Jungjoon was shocked to see how much he’d deteriorated in just half a day.

“Yoonhae. Drink some water. Okay?”

He brought some water and helped Yoonhae sit up. He held the glass to Yoonhae’s lips, and the boy blinked his swollen eyes and took a few sips. He seemed dehydrated from all the crying and emotional distress. Jungjoon was worried; Yoonhae looked so bad he wondered if he should take him to the hospital.

“Wait here.”

He wanted to bring down Yoonhae’s fever, which was burning hot.

“Ooh… ooh…”

But Yoonhae grabbed him, crying again, and wouldn’t let him go.

“I’m just getting a wet towel. You have a fever.”

He explained, but Yoonhae clung to him, stubbornly refusing to let go. When Jungjoon tried to pry him loose, Yoonhae started having a seizure, and Jungjoon froze in fear.

He called for help from the other boys, and they finally managed to place a cool, wet towel on Yoonhae’s forehead. Jungjoon then fed him some watered-down rice and fever medicine. Finally, he gave Yoonhae what he wanted most – he held his hand. Even though he was sick and weak, Yoonhae gripped Jungjoon’s hand tightly with both of his, clinging to him as if his life depended on it. The gesture, so desperate and full of need, intensified Jungjoon’s guilt.

“…….”

Yoonhae eventually drifted off to sleep, and Jungjoon looked down at him. His gaze traveled down Yoonhae’s bruised and scratched legs to his feet.

His feet were blistered and raw.

He must have been searching for Jungjoon all this time. Jungjoon could picture him wandering the streets, crying. The cuts and bruises on his arms and legs suggested he’d fallen several times.

…He should have just waited. Stubborn kid…

Jungjoon imagined Yoonhae returning, exhausted and defeated, after hours of searching. The image reminded him of his own painful memories of abandonment and loneliness, and he looked away. The desperate clinging, the waiting for someone who wouldn’t come, the futile searching – he knew those feelings all too well.

“…….”

Jungjoon lay down next to Yoonhae, still holding his hand. He noticed something sticking out from under Yoonhae’s pillow. He carefully pulled it out. It was a chocolate snack. The wrapper was crumpled, and Jungjoon realized why Yoonhae had hidden it. He’d been saving it for Jungjoon, just as he’d done a few times before, hoping to share it with him when he returned.

Jungjoon’s eyes welled up as he looked at Yoonhae, feverish and restless. It was just a snack. I should have just taken him with me. I should have just stayed with him, like always.

“I’m sorry.”

He apologized, and Yoonhae’s small hand tightened around his fingers.

“…Come with me…”

He moaned in his sleep, repeating his plea.

“…I’ll come with you. I’ll never leave you alone again.”

Tears welled up in Jungjoon’s eyes as he made the promise. Yoonhae’s whimpers gradually subsided, soothed by Jungjoon’s gentle words, their clasped hands, and the repeated assurances. Jungjoon watched Yoonhae’s breathing even out, and finally, still holding his hand, he fell asleep.

The next morning, Yoonhae woke up looking slightly better. He was still pale, but his spirits seemed lifted by Jungjoon’s presence beside him.

“Hyung…”

He clung to Jungjoon like a koala, repeating his name, but this time, Jungjoon didn’t push him away. Sensing Jungjoon’s unusual tolerance, Yoonhae was even more affectionate than usual, nuzzling his face against Jungjoon’s chest and back, his arms wrapped tightly around him.

“Wh-Where… where did you go… yesterday?”

Yoonhae asked, rubbing his lips against Jungjoon’s cheek.

“Wh-What did you… do with your… friends?”

His hot breath tickled Jungjoon’s face. He wanted to know everything – where Jungjoon had gone, what he had talked about with his friends.

“Hyung.”

“Yeah?”

“They… they said… it’s okay…”

“…What’s okay?”

“S-Seven-year-olds… are allowed… in internet cafes…”

“…….”

Jungjoon realized then that Yoonhae had followed him, searching for him even at the internet cafe. Caught in his lie, Jungjoon stammered, “Oh, they must have changed the rules.”

“Wh-What did you do… at the internet cafe?”

“…Played games.”

“And…?”

“…That’s all.”

He couldn’t tell Yoonhae he’d watched pornography with a male omega. Yoonhae, misinterpreting Jungjoon’s discomfort, clung to his neck, his voice filled with anxiety.

“You… you won’t go… alone again, right?”

“…No.”

“R-Really? You… you won’t ever… leave me again? Promise?”

Jungjoon nodded.

“Swear?”

Yoonhae insisted on a definite answer, and Jungjoon repeated his promise until Yoonhae was satisfied. Then, giving in to Yoonhae’s pleas, they went out together, retracing Jungjoon’s steps from the previous day.

He showed Yoonhae all his secret spots with his friends. They went to the internet cafe and played age-appropriate games for an hour. Afterward, they went to the same snack bar and shared a tteokkkochi.

It was strange. He’d followed the same route, spent the same amount of time, but it felt empty, hollow. He couldn’t remember anything remarkable about it. It felt like he hadn’t done anything at all, and he was even more tired than yesterday.

But as they walked back to the orphanage hand in hand, Yoonhae was beaming.

“I… I like… hyung… the best!”

Jungjoon smiled faintly, looking down at Yoonhae. A warm, affectionate feeling spread through his chest. If this tiresome, demanding, yet undeniable feeling was affection, then he felt he could endure anything for Yoonhae.

⟡˖ ࣪

The phone rang while Jungjoon was in the middle of a client consultation.

“…….”

He checked the caller ID and his face immediately became serious. It was Ian’s daycare teacher, calling at an unusual time. A call after drop-off was rarely good news. A sense of foreboding washed over him. He excused himself and stepped outside to answer.

“Hello?”

He heard a commotion in the background.

―Ian’s father, is this a good time to talk?

“Yes. What is it?”

Did he get into a fight? Did he get hurt? A flurry of worries crossed his mind.

―Ian has a high fever. He’s very listless and seems unwell… We think you should come and pick him up.

“Oh…”

It was as he’d feared. Ian had seemed perfectly fine that morning.

“Um… could I call you back?”

He told the teacher he was at work and would call Ian’s grandparents, then hung up.

He immediately called his mother-in-law, his heart racing. But unlike usual, the call went straight to voicemail. He tried his father-in-law, but got the same result.

“Ha…”

His client was waiting. He couldn’t delay the meeting, but he didn’t know what to do. He needed to pick up Ian, but he couldn’t think of anyone else to call besides his in-laws.

His phone rang as he stood there, indecisive. He answered almost reflexively, without even checking the caller ID.

“Hello?”

―…Is something wrong?

The voice on the other end was familiar, but not who he’d expected. Thinking it was his father-in-law or mother-in-law, Jungjoon pulled the phone away from his ear and checked the caller ID.

“…Oh… Yoonhae.”

―Were you expecting a call?

“No…”

―What’s wrong?

“It’s nothing serious, but…”

Jungjoon rubbed his forehead, feeling flustered.

“My son is sick… The daycare called.”

―Ian is sick? Are you going to pick him up?

“Yeah, I need to, but I’m at work right now…”

He was wasting precious time. He needed to act quickly. He was about to end the call when Yoonhae spoke.

―Should I go instead?

The unexpected offer stopped him mid-sentence. He stopped pacing.

“…What?”

―I can go pick him up if you don’t have anyone else. I’m at home today.

“Oh…”

It was an unexpected lifeline.

“…Are you… are you sure?”

―Yes. Just send me the address, and I’ll leave right away.

Yoonhae hung up after a brief goodbye. Jungjoon, momentarily stunned by the quick resolution, quickly sent Yoonhae the daycare’s address. He also sent him the code to his apartment and told him where to find the medicine cabinet.

As he finished his client consultation, he received a message from Yoonhae. It was a picture of Ian asleep on the sofa, a fever cooling patch on his forehead. A short message explained that Ian had taken his medicine and fallen asleep. Jungjoon finally relaxed.

He called Yoonhae briefly while driving to his next meeting. Yoonhae’s voice, low and quiet as if not to wake Ian, came through the car’s speakers. He said it seemed like a common cold, but that Jungjoon should take Ian to the doctor the next day just in case. Then he added casually, 

―I’ll stay until you get off work, so don’t worry.

“…No, you don’t have to… You must be busy, you can go now.”

―I’m not busy. And I can’t just leave him alone.

“But… I feel bad asking you to do this.”

―Aren’t I Ian’s uncle? Can’t an uncle do this much?

“…I guess… you’re right.”

“Thanks,” he added awkwardly, and Yoonhae chuckled softly.

―If you’re grateful, buy me some beer on your way home.

“Sure, of course. Anything else besides beer? Just name it, I’ll get it for you.”

Yoonhae chuckled and said he looked forward to seeing Jungjoon’s snack choices. Jungjoon replied, slightly embarrassed, that he’d try his best to pick out something delicious, then ended the call.

“Ha…”

He let out a long breath. Moments ago, he’d felt completely lost, but the situation had been resolved so quickly.

He was incredibly relieved that Ian wouldn’t be alone, but… he couldn’t shake the feeling of unease that had settled over him since Yoonhae had offered to stay with Ian.

He’d never left Ian alone with anyone other than family, and he felt strangely uncomfortable about having someone in his home while he wasn’t there.

He shook his head, trying to dispel the feeling. There was no reason to feel uneasy. It was rude to feel this way towards someone who was being so helpful. Recognizing his own pettiness and selfishness, he pushed the feeling away.

The thought of his sick son and the guest at his home lingered in his mind throughout the rest of his workday. The day dragged on, and he finally finished work around 7 PM. He rushed home, his mind racing. He stopped by a large supermarket on the way and bought beer, snacks for Yoonhae, and treats for Ian.

He considered calling Yoonhae from the car, but decided to send a text instead. After circling the parking lot several times, he finally found a spot. He rode the elevator up, his arms laden with groceries, and walked down the hallway to his apartment. He quickly unlocked the door and stepped inside, surprised by the silence.

Yoonhae’s shoes were by the door, but he couldn’t hear him, nor could he hear Ian calling out for him.

“…….”

He stepped inside, and a few seconds later, he understood why it was so quiet. In the middle of the toy-strewn living room, Yoonhae was asleep on the floor, and Ian was curled up on top of him, sleeping soundly.

“Ha…”

He let out a relieved sigh, the tension leaving his body. He set the groceries down on the dining table and wiped the sweat from his face and neck with a handkerchief. He stood there for a moment, looking at the bags on the table, then walked over to the sleeping pair. They looked so close, like father and son.

“Mmm…”

Ian stirred in his sleep. Yoonhae’s shirt rode up, revealing his side and abdomen. Jungjoon’s gaze lingered on his toned muscles before he looked away, clearing his throat.

“Ahem!”

He made a noise to wake them up, thinking they should eat something, but they didn’t stir.

“Ian. Seo Ian.”

He called his son’s name, but Ian was fast asleep and didn’t move. Jungjoon knelt down and touched Ian’s forehead to check for a fever, but Ian just brushed his hand away and smacked his lips. His fever seemed to have subsided.

“…Yoonhae.”

Having failed to wake Ian, he tried Yoonhae. “Wake up,” he said, but Yoonhae didn’t even twitch. He looked even more unfamiliar asleep than awake.

“Lee Yoonhae, wake up.”

Yoonhae’s eyelashes fluttered at the louder call. Jungjoon reached out cautiously and gently shook his shoulder. But as soon as he touched him, Yoonhae’s arm shot out and pulled him down. Jungjoon’s elbow buckled, and he landed on top of Yoonhae’s chest.

“…….”

He was nose to nose with Yoonhae, who was now awake, staring at him with an intense, almost alarmed expression, as if he’d been having a nightmare. Jungjoon felt Yoonhae’s heartbeat and warmth against his chest. His eyes darted around, acutely aware of the awkward position.

“…You’re home?”

Yoonhae finally spoke after a few seconds of silence, his voice husky. His grip loosened, and Jungjoon quickly pulled away.

“…Yeah. You were asleep?”

He replied casually, trying to act normal, and went to the kitchen. His heart was pounding.

“I’m home. I’ll get dinner ready.”

He spoke as if nothing had happened and started unpacking the groceries. While he busied himself in the kitchen, Yoonhae went to the bathroom, then tidied up the living room. The noise woke Ian, who greeted his father happily.

By the time Jungjoon finished preparing the side dishes, his heart had stopped racing. He set the table, still feeling the lingering numbness in his arm where Yoonhae had grabbed him, and made a mental note to avoid touching sleeping adults in the future.

“Do you like raw fish?”

He asked Yoonhae after they sat down at the table. He’d suddenly remembered that some people didn’t like raw fish.

“Yes, I do.”

Yoonhae picked up a piece of sashimi. He popped it into his mouth, chewed, and swallowed, then smiled.

“I can eat it without soy sauce.”

“…You really eat well. That’s good.”

Relieved, Jungjoon opened a can of beer and poured it into Yoonhae’s glass.

“I forgot that some people with picky appetites or weak stomachs can’t eat raw fish. I thought I was getting you something nice and expensive, but I would’ve felt bad if I’d bought you something you couldn’t eat…”

“I’m not a picky eater. You know that. When we were kids, I ate everything because there wasn’t enough to go around.”

“…Right.”

“And my stomach… it has to be strong. Given what I do for a living.”

“What?” Jungjoon asked at the muttered comment, and Yoonhae shook his head. “It’s nothing.”

“Wow, you made a lot of food.”

“Really? I thought it wasn’t enough.”

“It all looks delicious.”

You’re a good cook, hyung, Yoonhae murmured, as if to himself, and Jungjoon blushed.

“It’s nothing… This isn’t even real cooking.”

It was mostly pre-made dishes and some vegetables he’d found in the fridge. The only thing he’d actually cooked was the rolled omelet.

“No, this is a great meal, for me.”

Yoonhae seemed sincere as he picked up his chopsticks and started eating, a look of genuine enjoyment on his face. He ate as if he were savoring an exquisite meal, which made Jungjoon feel even more self-conscious. He wished he’d taken the time to prepare something more elaborate, or at least ordered takeout.

“Ian… is it good?”

He turned to his son, trying to change the subject. Ian, who was busy eating, nodded vigorously, his mouth full. He didn’t say anything, but he seemed excited to be having dinner with a guest, a change from their usual meals, just the two of them.

“I was worried, but he seems to be enjoying it.”

Yoonhae looked at Ian with a gentle expression.

“He’s much better after his nap. He had some snacks and we played together for a while.”

“…Thank you. You saved me today.”

Yoonhae responded to the heartfelt thanks with a pleasant, “I should be thanking you. I was bored, and Ian kept me company.”

“Ian, did you have fun with your uncle today?”

He asked, stroking Ian’s hair, and the boy looked up excitedly.

“Yes! It was fun! With Uncle!”

He bounced in his seat, his spoon in hand, clearly thrilled. His infectious enthusiasm made Jungjoon feel good as well.

The food disappeared quickly. Jungjoon had worried about having too much, but it was a needless concern. Yoonhae had a hearty appetite, befitting his large frame. Unlike Jungjoon, whose appetite had decreased considerably in his thirties, Yoonhae ate like a young man in his prime. As he cleared the empty dishes, Jungjoon felt a sense of satisfaction, like a chef who had served a well-received meal. He finally understood why older people enjoyed watching others eat well.

While Jungjoon cut up some fruit for dessert, Yoonhae played with Ian in the living room. Ian shrieked with laughter as Yoonhae swung him around and bounced him on the sofa.

…He likes that kind of play?

Jungjoon was honestly surprised to see how much Ian enjoyed it. He’d never played with Ian in such a boisterous, physical way, but Ian was clearly having a blast. He’d assumed, perhaps wrongly, that Ian preferred quieter activities because he was shy.

“Again! Again!”

Yoonhae tirelessly lifted Ian, spun him around, and then gently deposited him on the soft sofa. He was so skilled and gentle, despite the seemingly rough movements, that Jungjoon wasn’t worried.

“Come and have some fruit.”

Jungjoon sat down on the sofa and set down a tray of sliced melon and apples. Ian, who had been engrossed in his play, rushed over at the sight of the fruit. Jungjoon gave him a slice of melon, and Ian took a large bite, juice and seeds dribbling down his chin.

“Aren’t you tired?”

He asked Yoonhae casually, handing him a piece of fruit, as he sat down beside him. Yoonhae chuckled. “This is nothing…”

“You’re in good shape.”

“I work out.”

“…I should too. I used to go to the gym regularly, but I haven’t had time lately.”

Yoonhae’s gaze lingered on Jungjoon’s physique as he complained. Self-conscious under his scrutiny, Jungjoon shrugged.

“I’ve lost a lot of muscle… I used to be pretty fit.”

Not as much as you, of course. He added the last part under his breath, and Yoonhae laughed.

“You’re not bad, why do you say that?”

“No, really. I know my own body better than anyone, so don’t try to flatter me.”

“I’m not flattering you. You’re attractive.”

Yoonhae put down his fork and placed a hand on Jungjoon’s shoulder.

“Your shoulders are broad and straight. You have a good amount of muscle…”

His hand slid down Jungjoon’s arm, as if assessing the firmness of his muscles.

“It’s a body in high demand.”

Jungjoon understood it was a compliment, but he didn’t quite understand what Yoonhae meant. He froze, feeling a strange mix of confusion and discomfort. The awkward silence would have stretched on if Ian hadn’t suddenly climbed onto his lap, demanding his attention.

“Daddy, look at this.”

The child, clutching a dinosaur coloring book, held a page up to Jungjoon’s face and whispered something. Jungjoon frowned, unable to decipher the hushed words.

“Huh? What? Speak up, Ian.”

The boy clung to Jungjoon’s neck, whispering shyly.

“What’s he saying?”

“…Uh…”

Jungjoon, understanding the child’s words, glanced at Yoonhae with a troubled expression.

“He says Yoonhae looks like a Spinosaurus.”

“Oh, is it this one?”

Yoonhae pointed at the open page of the coloring book. Ian, suddenly shy after clinging to him earlier, buried his face in Jungjoon’s side.

“Do I look like this? Ian, do I look like this dinosaur?”

Objectively, there was no resemblance, but in the child’s eyes, Yoonhae must have seemed strong and impressive.

“It’s Ian’s favorite dinosaur.”

Jungjoon explained, and Yoonhae’s smile deepened. Reaching out, he tickled the hiding Ian and then scooped him up. Making a rough, dinosaur-like growl, he nuzzled the boy’s torso, causing Ian to shriek with delighted laughter.

“……”

Jungjoon watched them, a smile he hadn’t realized was there spreading across his face. They looked like a real uncle and nephew.

Later, after much coaxing, Ian, who insisted on playing more with his “uncle,” was finally put to bed. As they headed back to the living room for another drink, Jungjoon said quietly,

“He really likes you.”

“…Is that so?”

“Thanks for playing with him.”

“Don’t mention it. It’s only natural.”

Yoonhae cut him off bluntly, but his sincerity was evident, making Jungjoon chuckle. They settled down on the living room sofa with a makeshift spread of two beers and two bags of chips.

“He’s such a good, cute kid.”

Yoonhae abruptly praised Ian after taking a sip of beer.

“He really is. Like my own son.”

“…Thank you.”

There could be no higher compliment for a parent. Jungjoon looked down, fiddling with his beer can, lost in thought.

“You… raised him well. He’s lovely.”

“…Really?”

While grateful for the compliment, a bittersweet smile touched Jungjoon’s lips. He took a few more sips of beer, then cautiously broached the subject.

“You… you knew all along, didn’t you?”

“…….”

Their eyes met.

“That I’m alone.”

“…….”

Yoonhae’s expression changed, his face hardening. He stared at Jungjoon, unmoving.

“What do you…”

“You always seemed to take it for granted that my wife wasn’t around…. So, I figured it out.”

“…….”

As if realizing his mistake, Yoonhae covered his mouth and looked away. When his hand dropped, his face was filled with embarrassment and apology.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. It must have been obvious.”

“…I thought there might be a reason, so I didn’t ask…. Anyway… I’m sorry.”

Jungjoon, surprised by Yoonhae’s apologetic reaction, quickly explained.

“Hey, I didn’t say it to make you feel bad. It just felt like we were both avoiding the topic. I should have said something from the beginning, but I missed the timing….”

“…….”

“I’m a single dad, so I guess I reek of single dad.”

Yoonhae’s face hardened further at the self-deprecating joke. Jungjoon nudged his shoulder.

“Lighten up. Laugh a little.”

“…….”

Yoonhae remained silent, his face expressionless, looking down. Silence descended, heavy and oppressive. Jungjoon stared at his beer, watching the condensation drip slowly down the glass. After a while, seemingly having made a decision, he swallowed and spoke.

“She… two years ago, right before Ian’s second birthday… a car accident… it was so sudden, there was nothing I could do…”

He instantly regretted the words, the past pain resurfacing.

“…….”

He gripped the damp glass, clenching his jaw. He wanted to avoid the undignified spectacle of tears. He tried to distract himself, looking away.

Just as he was swallowing down the rising tide of emotion, he felt Yoonhae’s hand on his shoulder. Not a caress, but a heavy, still presence. Yet, the gesture conveyed a cautious comfort, and Jungjoon felt a sudden heat rise in his chest, throat, and eyes. The suppressed grief welled up.

“I’m an adult, so I can handle it… but I always feel so bad for Ian….”

After his mother’s sudden disappearance, Ian cried more often. He may not have understood death, but he understood absence. Every time he babbled, “Mama, Mama,” Jungjoon would hold him and weep silently.

The memory was agonizing, and Jungjoon gulped down his beer. The swallowed grief lodged in his chest like a painful lump. He would have chosen death if he had to relive that time. Losing his wife had felt like the end of the world. He thought he had become resilient, but the occasional resurgence of memories left him powerless.

I miss her.

I miss her so much.

The thought triggered a flood of tears. Startled, Jungjoon turned away. Tears streamed down his cheeks. He tensed his shoulders and throat, trying to suppress the sobs. The obvious attempt at concealment made it all the clearer, and Yoonhae, watching him, pulled Jungjoon close, burying his face in his shoulder. Jungjoon tried to pull away, but Yoonhae’s hold was firm. He had no choice but to surrender to the unfamiliar warmth, silently weeping.

The unprocessed grief poured out with his tears. Guilt towards his son, worry about the void left by his wife, financial anxieties… the suffocating fear of the future, all the heavy emotions he had suppressed came flooding out.

How much time passed? Finally, the tremors in his back subsided. He came to his senses when he realized where his hands were: wrapped around Yoonhae’s back, clutching his shirt.

“…….”

Jungjoon blinked his wet eyelids. The awareness of his hands on Yoonhae’s back, gripping his shirt, brought a wave of belated embarrassment.

His tears had soaked Yoonhae’s shirt. He felt mortified, burning with shame.

Unable to find a way to detach himself, he held his breath. The unfamiliar scent that reached his nose heightened his awareness. A young man’s scent, mixed with something heavy and sweet. A citrusy tang, like the zest of a fruit, tickled his nostrils.

He had never been this close to another person’s scent besides his wife’s perfume. And this was far from a pleasant experience. He was acutely aware of the feel of their bodies pressed together, the heat radiating from their skin. Unable to bear it any longer, Jungjoon abruptly pulled away. Turning his head, he blurted out,

“I don’t know what came over me. I haven’t had a drink in a while….”

What a disgrace… he muttered, rubbing his face, and stood up.

“I’ll get some more snacks. Wait here.”

Using snacks as an excuse, he escaped to the kitchen to catch his breath.

“You can watch TV if you’re bored. Keep the volume down so Ian doesn’t wake up.”

He heard a quiet “Okay” in response. Wiping his face with a tissue, Jungjoon lingered in the kitchen. Only after making and serving some rolled omelets could he finally meet Yoonhae’s gaze.

“Sorry. I guess I’m getting sentimental in my old age….”

“You’re still young.”

“Thirty-four with a kid? Hardly young….”

They exchanged awkward small talk, and Jungjoon’s gaze fell on Yoonhae’s damp shoulder.

“Oh, sorry. I’ll get you a dry shirt. Wait here.”

Realizing he’d left Yoonhae in a tear-soaked shirt, he hurried to find a replacement. He returned with a slightly worn but larger-sized t-shirt. Yoonhae accepted it, despite saying he was fine.

“…That’s quite a scar on your arm.”

Jungjoon mumbled absently, pouring more beer into his empty glass, as Yoonhae changed. Yoonhae looked down at his arm.

“Ah.”

“Must have hurt. How did you get it?”

“…How did I get it?”

It was a long cut, running from his bicep to below his elbow. It didn’t look like an ordinary injury, but sensing Yoonhae’s reluctance to talk about it, Jungjoon kept quiet.

“I have so many… If I took my shirt off, you’d see a lot more little ones.”

“Oh… how?”

“Some are from when I was a kid…. I used to do some rough jobs.”

Jungjoon had done odd jobs, including manual labor, in his early twenties. Knowing the harsh realities of life, he felt a pang of sympathy.

“…Still, you’re in good shape, so even those scars look…cool.”

Regretting his question, he added a somewhat flattering remark.

“Want to work out together sometime?”

After a brief silence, Yoonhae made a sudden suggestion.

“Huh?”

“I have a gym membership that I’m not using much. It’s close by. We could go on weekends.”

“Uh, well… I’d like to, but I can’t leave Ian alone….”

“…Right.”

Yoonhae nodded, taking a quiet sip of his beer, seemingly lost in thought again.

“Then, how about taking Ian to the dinosaur museum this weekend? We could go see the ocean nearby, have some good food, and make a day of it. It would be a nice break.”

“Ah…”

It was hard to refuse repeatedly, especially since there was no good reason to. It would be nice to take Ian somewhere fun. He hesitated, unsure how to respond. Yoonhae continued,

“I’ll drive, so it won’t be any trouble. A change of scenery would be good, and Ian loves dinosaurs, so he’d enjoy it… Would it be too much trouble?”

“Uh, no, it’s not that…. I just feel bad… you should be seeing your girlfriend on weekends, and I don’t want to impose…”

“If you’re okay with it, I’ll invite her too. The four of us can go.”

The situation seemed to be escalating beyond his control.

“Wouldn’t that be awkward for your girlfriend?”

“Not at all. She likes being around people. And she loves kids.”

“Okay…”

Unable to admit that he felt awkward, Jungjoon reluctantly nodded.

“Okay, then. Let’s go.”

Yoonhae smiled, seemingly pleased with his agreement. He had looked equally happy when Jungjoon had accepted his previous invitation. Remembering that, Jungjoon felt relieved that he hadn’t refused outright. He was grateful to Yoonhae for being so good to Ian, and he wanted to maintain their relationship.

“…Thanks. For being like an uncle to Ian.”

Jungjoon hid his awkwardness with a calm expression.

“I really appreciate how you look after Ian… like he’s family, like a real uncle.”

“Not like family. I consider him family.”

“…….”

Speechless, Jungjoon lowered his head and drank his beer. While Yoonhae finished the cold omelets, Jungjoon quietly sipped his beer. They had a couple more beers, their faces flushing, their bodies relaxing.

“I haven’t had a drink in a while….”

I should stop, Jungjoon muttered, getting up. He wanted to use the restroom and wash his face. But as he turned, his knees buckled, probably from the alcohol. Yoonhae caught him. Jungjoon looked up and saw Yoonhae’s face looking down at him.

“…….”

“…I should get going.”

A faint scent of alcohol lingered on his breath.

“Uh… why…? You’ve been drinking, you can stay over…”

Yoonhae reassured him that he would call a designated driver. He collected his phone and car keys, preparing to leave.

Jungjoon, rubbing his flushed face, followed him to the door. Yoonhae ruffled his hair before leaving, saying he’d be in touch. Jungjoon stood leaning against the wall, feeling strangely numb.

“…….”

He returned to the living room, rubbing his hot cheeks. The remnants of their makeshift feast remained on the coffee table. And on the sofa, Yoonhae’s summer knit shirt lay discarded.

As if in a trance, Jungjoon picked it up. He instinctively buried his face in it, inhaling the scent, before snapping back to reality.

Realizing how drunk he was, he put the shirt down with a dazed expression. He regretted drinking so much, letting out a long, heated sigh.