DAH Ch 8
by soapaThe first thing I did in the new year was look for a job. I was determined to do anything as long as it paid, and with the help of the older boys at the orphanage, I managed to find a few prospects. I exhausted every avenue available to me, but unfortunately, each attempt ended in failure.
…Is finding a job this hard?
I thought I could start working part-time as soon as I turned a year older. I realized how naive I was as I searched for work every day. Decent jobs only accepted applicants 14 and older, and the jobs currently available offered meager pay for the intense labor involved. Even for those, despite my earnest applications, the answer was always “no.”
Jungjoon, try as he might, couldn’t help but feel resentful. Yoonhae, his constant shadow, began to feel like a thorn in his side.
…If only Yoonhae wasn’t here. The thought kept recurring. Even places that had sounded positive over the phone shook their heads and turned him away after seeing Jungjoon with a child-like burden in tow. Explaining that Yoonhae was his brother and that he would come alone to work didn’t sway them; they simply gestured for him to leave.
As long as Yoonhae was around, a job was out of the question.
Realizing this, Jungjoon decided to separate from Yoonhae first. He knew forcing a separation would cause a scene, so he planned to coax and persuade Yoonhae into leaving willingly.
“Yoonhae, do you know how good it will be when I earn money? It’s not for me, it’s for you, Yoonhae. It’ll be really good for you.”
Yoonhae, realizing he was being coaxed, pouted. Jungjoon took Yoonhae’s grubby hand and kneaded it soothingly.
“I could buy you tteokbokki every day. Ice cream too, and anything you want, every single day!”
“N… No!”
Yoonhae shrieked before Jungjoon could finish, shaking off his hand and clinging to him instead.
“I, I d-don’t n-need to eat t-those things. I d-don’t, so d-don’t work, Hyung. Okay? H-Hyung, d-don’t go a-anywhere. S-stay with me. Okay? Okay?”
He suddenly wrapped his legs tightly around Jungjoon, refusing to let go. Jungjoon staggered under the weight of Yoonhae, who had grown heavier in the past year.
Even after losing his balance and falling, Yoonhae clung on, scrambling up to hug Jungjoon’s chest and then his face, obscuring his vision. He continued to cling to him for a long while.
Jungjoon, resigned, allowed Yoonhae to cling and rub against him, seeking psychological comfort. He sighed discreetly, deciding to try persuading him again later when he calmed down.
Time flew by as he pondered how to persuade Yoonhae. The new school year began, and days were filled with the energy-consuming task of adapting to the changes.
He was only a year older. Yet, both his friends and Jungjoon himself felt different from last year, both mentally and physically. Of course, these subtle changes were also evident in Yoonhae. Perhaps it was starting elementary school, or perhaps the influence of the older boys at the orphanage. He began asking strange questions he hadn’t asked before.
“Hyung, w-what is… s-sex?”
Jungjoon was taken aback by Yoonhae’s bold question. Not only was it not something an eight-year-old should be asking, but it was also a question Jungjoon couldn’t answer accurately.
“…….”
Jungjoon hesitated, sweating, unsure how to explain. Was Yoonhae already showing curiosity in this area at the tender age of eight? He felt like he’d been much older when he’d first learned about it. Was this normal? He worried, but then concluded that Yoonhae probably didn’t understand the meaning and wasn’t interested in sex itself.
“…You don’t need to know. It’s something adults do.”
That was the answer he came up with after a long pause.
“Then c-can I… c-can I do it when I’m an a-adult?”
Each subsequent question flustered Jungjoon.
“…I guess so.”
He mumbled, avoiding eye contact. However, the next question hit him like a ton of bricks.
“Th-then, can I d-do it… w-with you?”
“…What?”
Jungjoon frowned.
“Wh-when I’m an a-adult, c-can I do it… w-with you?”
“…….”
The words “Are you crazy?” rose to his throat.
He felt like unleashing a torrent of curses, but it was something an innocent child had said. He couldn’t get angry at his brother who didn’t know any better, so he rubbed his flushed neck, trying to calm down.
“…You absolutely cannot do it with me. You’ll understand when you’re older, but anyway… men can’t do it with each other.”
He said that, even though men could, in fact, do it with each other. He wondered if a more detailed explanation was needed, but he had no way of explaining sexual feelings. Jungjoon himself didn’t fully understand, and since he couldn’t even properly explain what sex was, he could only generalize.
“Th-then… I… I don’t want to do it.”
The light in Yoonhae’s eyes dimmed. Looking at Yoonhae, who seemed not just glum but genuinely sad, Jungjoon felt a pang of guilt.
“…You don’t have to do it with me, you can do it with someone else. When you grow up, you can do it with the person you live with. Okay?”
“But… I…! I’m g-going to l-live with y-you f-forever!”
Jungjoon chuckled at the innocent remark.
“When we both get married, we’ll live with our new families.”
“…No! N-no!”
He threw another tantrum, not liking the answer.
“Th-then, I’ll m-marry y-you, H-Hyung!”
“…….”
Seeing him like this revealed his utter naiveté. Jungjoon was relieved that Yoonhae wasn’t precocious, but he also felt a bit tired.
“When you grow up and find a girl you like, you’ll marry her.”
“No! I d-don’t like g-girls! I l-like y-you, H-hyung!”
Jungjoon sighed. “Silly… men can’t marry each other.”
“N-no! On T-TV, m-men g-got married. I s-saw it.”
“That’s about Alphas and Omegas.”
“…….”
Yoonhae’s eyes wavered, unable to refute him. Looking at him, Jungjoon felt the need to be harsher for educational purposes.
“Are you an Alpha? An Omega? No, you’re not. If you’re not an Alpha or an Omega, men can’t marry each other. They can in places like America, but not here.”
It wasn’t confirmed yet, but it was obvious that Yoonhae was a Beta. As his older brother, Jungjoon felt the need to make him face reality.
“Even if everyone else in the world could get married, we can’t. Do you know why? You and I are brothers, and brothers don’t marry each other. Brothers just stay close their whole lives.”
He asked sharply, “Do you understand?” Yoonhae, unable to retort, mumbled.
“N-no, th-that’s not…. Th-that’s…”
Yoonhae rolled his eyes as if searching for a counterargument. He repeated the same words, his shoulders shaking and his breath coming in ragged gasps. He looked like he was about to cry, and then he burst into a fit of angry tears. He started throwing things around and then sat on the floor, kicking his feet.
“Waaaaah…!!”
“…….”
His tantrum resembled a child begging their parents for a toy. He was like a child throwing a fit because his demands weren’t met.
Jungjoon sighed and turned away, lying down on one side of the room. He picked up a nearby book and started reading. He didn’t feel the need to comfort the crying Yoonhae. Whether he cried, fainted from crying, or fell asleep from exhaustion, Jungjoon dismissed it as none of his business.
After that outburst, for some reason, Yoonhae didn’t recover quickly. He moped around, and his usual silence returned.
However, that didn’t mean he stopped following Jungjoon around. Like a shadow, he quietly trailed behind, clutching Jungjoon’s clothes and looking down. Sometimes, in their room, he’d sit a distance away, burying his face in his knees, and just stare at Jungjoon. When Jungjoon felt Yoonhae’s unsettling, unchildlike gaze, he became restless even while trying to relax.
“…How long are you going to keep this up? Aren’t you tired of it?”
Yoonhae, who only nodded or shook his head in response, was frustrating. Even when Jungjoon questioned him pointedly, Yoonhae only stared back without speaking. His eyes looked strange, almost as if he were possessed, which gave Jungjoon the chills. When Yoonhae’s persistent stare became unbearable, Jungjoon grew tired and stopped talking to him altogether.
Maybe he should have just comforted him back then. Maybe he shouldn’t have been so blunt. He regretted it and watched his eerily changed brother with concern. Then one day, after school, Yoonhae was completely different. He was running towards Jungjoon with a bright smile. Jungjoon, who had been unwrapping a candy he received with a church flyer at the school gate, was startled and caught the child who threw himself at him.
Yoonhae, beaming with an unbelievable brightness, grabbed Jungjoon’s hand and led him under the wisteria trellis. As soon as they sat on the bench, he hugged Jungjoon tightly, expressing his overflowing joy. Confused but touched, Jungjoon patted him with a bewildered smile, wondering what good news he had received.
“What happened? Something good?”
Yoonhae brought his face close to Jungjoon’s. His lips pressed against Jungjoon’s cheek, then brushed past his earlobe and into his ear.
“Y-you… can b-become a b-bride, t-too…!”
His excited breath and elated voice tickled Jungjoon’s ear.
“…….”
What was he talking about?
Noticing Jungjoon’s suspicious gaze, Yoonhae added hurriedly, “N-next year, wh-when you g-go to m-middle school, th-they’ll t-test y-you… at sch-school…!”
“…What test?”
“If y-you c-can be a… b-bride….”
Yoonhae’s voice trailed off as he noticed Jungjoon’s darkening expression.
“…Are you talking about the aptitude test?”
“O-Omegas… can be b-brides…. So… if y-you become an O-Omega n-next year….”
Realizing why Yoonhae was so excited, Jungjoon frowned and pulled away.
“In a f-few years, I’ll b-become an A-Alpha, t-too…. And wh-when you b-become an O-Omega….”
“…….”
“Th-then w-we can g-get married, and y-you can be my b-bride, and w-we can…!”
He was babbling nonsense. Unable to listen any longer, Jungjoon stood up and started to walk away. He heard hurried footsteps behind him.
Yoonhae tried to grab his hand, but Jungjoon, annoyed, swatted him away. No matter how much he cared for his younger brother, he couldn’t tolerate him spouting such presumptuous nonsense about Jungjoon becoming an Omega and his bride.
“D-don’t you w-want to be an O-Omega?”
Yoonhae asked as he followed with his shorter legs. Jungjoon stopped abruptly and looked down at him.
“No, I don’t.”
He said firmly, meeting Yoonhae’s eyes.
“I’ll never become something like an Omega, and I’d rather die than become one, so don’t ever say that again.”
Born as an ordinary male, he had no desire to be an Omega. Jungjoon liked himself as he was, neither an Omega nor an Alpha, and he wanted to continue living an ordinary life.
“And you’ll never become an Alpha, so stop dreaming.”
It wasn’t meant to be hurtful; it was the truth. It was extremely rare for secondary genders to manifest during the 14-year-old aptitude test. Even then, it was always Omegas, never Alphas. One needed direct lineage from both a full Alpha and a full Omega, and even then, the chance of manifesting as an Alpha was one in three. It was impossible in a neighborhood like theirs.
“…….”
He had expected Yoonhae to cry and throw another tantrum if he told him the truth. But Yoonhae remained calm, seemingly unaffected.
“D-don’t w-worry a-about me.”
“…What do you mean?”
“I… I’ll b-become an A-Alpha…!”
It was an unfounded belief. A delusional, absurd belief like that of a doomsday cult. Jungjoon felt a flicker of pity.
“I’m… so ex-excited. Wh-when I b-become an A-Alpha, I’ll t-tell y-you f-first―”
“…….”
“Wh-when I b-become an A-Alpha, I’ll a-ask you to m-marry me―”
He pretended not to hear Yoonhae mumbling to himself. He felt a pang of sympathy, but then the familiar feeling of exasperation returned. His stammering speech coupled with the bizarre content made it a chore to listen to.
He tried to avoid him, but Yoonhae grabbed his hand as they walked. Jungjoon shook him off several times, telling him to let go. Like a leech, Yoonhae’s hand clung tightly to Jungjoon’s. Jungjoon was surprised by the strength of his grip.
“H-hyung…. C-can I k-kiss you?”
Jungjoon looked down at Yoonhae, his hand still trapped. His eyes shone with a strange gleam.
“…No.”
“Th-then, th-then, h-hyung, um….”
Yoonhae rolled his eyes, searching for something to say.
“Sh-should we g-go to the p-playground t-tonight?”
“…….”
“C-can we p-play h-house? If y-you don’t w-want to, w-we c-can… sw-swing…”
“…Do whatever you want.”
What were the odds of a developmentally delayed boy, younger and smaller than his peers, an orphan with a stutter, manifesting as an Alpha?
There was no need to think or calculate; the probability was practically zero.
Most of the population were Betas, and the few Alphas were born into wealthy families. It was impossible for one to appear in a neighborhood like this, let alone an orphanage. He’d never even heard of such a thing happening anywhere.
Thinking that Yoonhae should dream while he still could, Jungjoon, finally relaxed, loosened his grip on Yoonhae’s hand.
Then, in June of that year, Jungjoon managed to secure a part-time job. The job involved distributing flyers, placing one on each door of apartments and townhouses.
There was nothing else problematic about the job. Except for one thing: Yoonhae’s interference.
On Jungjoon’s first day of work, Yoonhae threw a fit. He clung to Jungjoon, kicking and screaming as if they were being separated forever.
He was on the verge of another episode like the last time, possibly even fainting. Jungjoon, trying to calm the hysterical Yoonhae, could only think of getting him to settle down. So, after trying everything he could think of to soothe and appease him, he finally resorted to lying.
“I need to earn money so we can leave this place together!”
That was the moment Yoonhae stopped crying.
“I need money to take you with me later. If I don’t have money, I’ll have to leave the orphanage and you’ll be left here alone. Are you okay with that?”
“…….”
Hic… hic…. Yoonhae looked at Jungjoon, hiccuping. His eyes, previously swirling with fear, anger, and betrayal, suddenly calmed.
“…N-no, I… I w-want to g-go w-with you….”
He mumbled, his eyes flickering with anxiety as he transformed into a meek lamb.
“Do you understand now? I need to earn money if we want to live together in the future.”
Yoonhae’s eyes darted back and forth, lost in thought.
“Th-then, th-then, c-can we l-live t-together f-forever…?”
“…Yes.”
“F-forever? U-until we d-die?”
Yoonhae repeatedly asked, emphasizing the word “forever.” And each time, Jungjoon nodded without fail. Yes, forever, with you, the two of us. He repeated the words Yoonhae wanted to hear, like a shameless salesman resorting to any means necessary.
“Th-then I’ll e-earn m-money, t-too!”
“You’re too young. No one will hire you. So, you just have to wait patiently until I come back from work. That’s how you can help me, and that’s the only way we can save money. Do you understand?”
The silent Yoonhae twisted his lips as if holding back tears. Then he nodded a couple of times.
“Good, our Yoonhae is a good boy. Thank you.”
Relieved, Jungjoon hugged Yoonhae and patted his back. Yoonhae, despite having agreed, seemed resentful and whined as he clung to Jungjoon, tugging at his clothes a few times as if venting his frustration.
After Yoonhae stopped crying, they left the orphanage together. Holding hands, they walked to the small store run by an elderly couple around the corner. When Jungjoon told him to pick anything he wanted, Yoonhae chose a red bean paste bun from the display.
After leaving the store, Jungjoon stroked Yoonhae’s head as he clutched the bun.
“I’ll be back, so wait here. Read a book, eat your bun. You can play by yourself and wait, right?”
“…….”
Yoonhae nodded sadly, clutching the bun. Even though he was a nuisance, Jungjoon couldn’t help but feel a pang of sympathy. Before leaving, Jungjoon hugged him again and, unusually, kissed him on the cheek.
Thus, he was able to finish his work and return without incident that day. After that, it became a routine: Yoonhae seeing Jungjoon off to work, stopping by the store for a bun, a final hug, and a quick kiss.
Sometimes, Yoonhae would cry and insist on following Jungjoon to work. On those days, Jungjoon had no choice but to appease him with a kiss on the lips. But most days, they were able to part ways amicably.
Once he managed to leave Yoonhae behind, everything went smoothly. He felt energized enough to visit every single apartment in a 20-story building without feeling tired. The fact that he could earn money by working gave him strength. The thought that it wasn’t meaningless drudgery but the first step toward a better future made the nightly aches in his legs bearable.
Being away from Yoonhae while working was another plus. Although he would get tired from Yoonhae clinging to him when he returned, he appreciated the time alone. Yoonhae’s requests for hugs and kisses became more frequent, but after realizing that Jungjoon would become cold if he pushed too far, he didn’t cross the line.
“Kiss….”
Of course, there were exceptions.
“H-hyung, k-kiss….”
If Jungjoon was even 30 minutes late, Yoonhae would pester him relentlessly. He would stay up all night, crying and asking for a kiss.
His dirty face, with his lips puckered out, craving affection. He was directing the kind of childish whims usually reserved for parents towards Jungjoon, a complete stranger. Jungjoon, while feeling exasperated, reluctantly complied because he couldn’t escape the guilt and pity he felt for Yoonhae.
There were many tiring and difficult days. Still, despite that, there were far more good days after he started working. The small amount of money he received, the tangible reward, made him happy. He enjoyed the occasional snacks the boss gave him, and it felt good to save them and bring them back for Yoonhae. His body was tired from the repetitive work, but he was gaining a mental fortitude he hadn’t had before.
Sometimes, on his way back, Jungjoon would give snacks to a stray cat near the orphanage. After a few times, the cat started following him even without snacks. The cat, with its completely black fur and large eyes, resembled Yoonhae in some way.
“Hi, Blackie.”
The cat, encountering Jungjoon in the alley, greeted him by rolling on its back. Jungjoon, who had even given the cat a name, stroked its belly and smiled softly. He wanted to take it back and raise it, but knowing he couldn’t, he simply cherished petting it.
“H-hyung…!”
His work had ended a little early today, so he planned to spend more time with the cat. However, Yoonhae, who had come to the alley to meet him, spotted Jungjoon. Jungjoon, still petting the cat, gestured for Yoonhae to come over. Yoonhae approached, looking somewhat stiff and wary as he watched the cat. Then, when he was right in front of it, he suddenly lashed out, kicking the cat.
“Go a-away! G-get l-lost…!”
Jungjoon stood up and tried to stop him, but the cat, startled, had already run away. Yoonhae, who seemed to have intended to really hurt it, kicked a few more times in the direction the cat had disappeared.
“What are you doing, Lee Yoonhae!”
He grabbed Yoonhae and yelled, and only then did Yoonhae look up, startled. Recognizing Jungjoon’s anger, his face crumpled.
“You scared the cat away! What did the cat do to you to deserve being kicked?!”
Just from Jungjoon raising his voice, Yoonhae started to cry silently. Seeing his immediate reaction, Jungjoon lost his anger and sighed deeply. If he scolded him further, Yoonhae would cry even harder, and if he continued crying until bedtime, it would only bother Jungjoon in the end.
“You shouldn’t hurt cats. If you do, you’ll become a truly bad person.”
“…….”
“…Don’t ever hit a cat again. Okay?”
Yoonhae nodded at Jungjoon’s gentle reprimand. He blinked back tears, his fists clenched, then wiped his eyes with his arm.
His damp hand reached out and slipped into Jungjoon’s. An inescapable, sticky warmth filled Jungjoon’s hand. It was a small but firm hand. Feeling its weight in his, Jungjoon started walking back to the orphanage.
That night, when Jungjoon thought the incident was over, Yoonhae led him to the empty playroom before bed. There, he began to behave strangely, in a way Jungjoon had never seen before.
“…….”
Yoonhae, crouched like a quadruped, circled Jungjoon, who was sitting on the floor. Then he pressed his entire body against Jungjoon as if trying to rub something off. He even rolled onto his back, exposing his belly. Jungjoon didn’t need to ask what he was doing; he was imitating a cat.
As Jungjoon watched, Yoonhae rolled around, wriggling his back as if asking to be petted. He looked less like a cute animal and more like a human devolved into a beast. If it had been a clumsy imitation, it might have seemed endearing, but it evoked a strange feeling Jungjoon couldn’t describe. Jungjoon suppressed a shiver and stood up.
“…What are you doing? Stop it.”
Even as Jungjoon tried to ignore him, Yoonhae continued his pathetic attempts to be loved.
“Are you an animal? What’s wrong with you? Act like a human, stop acting like an animal.”
At Jungjoon’s sharp rebuke, Yoonhae stood up on two feet. He gauged Jungjoon’s reaction, who wasn’t even looking at him, and clung to him, rubbing his body against him as if embarrassed, seeking affection.
“I’m tired…”
Jungjoon was genuinely tired. He just wanted to sleep.
Ignoring Yoonhae’s clinging, he left the playroom and headed to their bedroom. He crossed the darkened room and slipped into his bed.
He lay down and pulled the covers over himself, ignoring Yoonhae, who had followed him and was hugging him. He closed his eyes, feeling his heavy body sink into the mattress as if merging with it.
He fell asleep, wishing he could go back to work soon and save money as quickly as possible.
⟡˖ ࣪
It was August, and the heatwave continued. Even during summer vacation, the flyer distribution job continued, and the days of tiring work but steady savings went on.
Two months had passed since he started working. Perhaps because he had adapted, Yoonhae was now able to wait more patiently.
He still met Jungjoon on his way back, but he no longer showed signs of anxious agitation. Jungjoon felt relieved that Yoonhae had stopped pestering him with trivial questions and behaving as if he were about to cry. The frequent requests for kisses and other physical contact were also tolerable.
On days he didn’t work, he was usually busy with tasks assigned by the orphanage director. Sometimes, he was sent to provide labor for other places, including the nearby church, which often needed help with odd jobs.
“Sixth graders and up, come over here. You’ll be painting.”
As soon as they arrived at the church in the director’s van, work assignments were given. As Jungjoon started to move, Yoonhae grabbed him.
“…What’s wrong?”
“…….”
He tried to ignore him and pull away, but Yoonhae, unusually, didn’t listen. He stubbornly clung to Jungjoon’s side, disobeying the director’s instructions.
“Those below sixth grade will be cleaning, so step aside.”
The director’s voice rang out.
“What are you doing? Hurry up and move!”
Jungjoon grew anxious as the director’s irritated voice continued. He tried to push Yoonhae away, but Yoonhae clung to him even tighter, as if being defiant.
“Hey, Lee Yoonhae. He told you to move.”
“Hurry up and go.”
He could hear the other children complaining under the scorching sun. Embarrassed by the stares, Jungjoon pushed Yoonhae away with more force.
The other children, along with Jungjoon, started pulling at Yoonhae. But the more they pulled, the more stubbornly Yoonhae clung to Jungjoon’s arm.
“Yoonhae, let go. Let go…!”
He didn’t understand why Yoonhae was acting this way. The numb pain was one thing, but the increasingly tight grip was troublesome. Yoonhae stared up at Jungjoon without blinking, his face starting to crumple with silent tears. His clinginess was unbelievable, as if he would die if they were separated, even for a moment.
“Let go, you idiot!”
One of the older middle school boys intervened, exasperated. The tall, strong boy grabbed Yoonhae’s arm and roughly pulled him away. Yoonhae’s small body stumbled and fell, landing on his bottom. He looked up at Jungjoon, his face streaked with tears, as if Jungjoon was the one who had thrown him down.
“…….”
Yoonhae’s tearful gaze remained fixed on Jungjoon. Even when he picked up a nearby rock and started hitting himself in the head, his eyes didn’t waver.
“Hey―!”
Everyone cried out in surprise and rushed towards him. While Jungjoon stood frozen in shock, the other children wrestled the rock away from Yoonhae. But blood was already flowing down his cheek.
“That… that crazy bastard…”
The director, who had rushed over, muttered in disgust. Everyone stood there, shocked by what they had just witnessed.
“Hey, Seo Jungjoon. Take him and get him treated.”
Shouldn’t they call an ambulance? Jungjoon thought dazedly, but then he remembered that the director never sent the children to the hospital, no matter how injured they were. Jungjoon nodded, feeling dizzy and his heart pounding. He helped Yoonhae up and headed towards the church building, leaving behind the director’s instructions to the other children.
With the pastor’s help, they quickly cleaned and bandaged Yoonhae’s wound. Fortunately, his thick hair seemed to have protected him, and the bleeding stopped quickly. Apart from the dried blood, there didn’t seem to be any other injuries.
“How are you? Are you okay?”
Yoonhae didn’t answer the pastor’s question, just stared at the floor.
“Oh dear… Yoonhae. Do you like your brother that much?”
He was the pastor who had initially brought Yoonhae to the orphanage. Jungjoon felt uncomfortable realizing that the pastor had witnessed the entire scene.
“Even so, you can’t hit yourself in the head with a rock. That’s dangerous.”
“…….”
Yoonhae remained silent, his lips tightly pressed together, as he had during his previous period of silence. He ignored the pastor, his eyes unfocused and his expression listless.
“Why don’t you two rest here for a bit?”
Jungjoon nodded at the pastor’s question, who then turned to leave.
Click.
As the pastor closed the door behind him, Jungjoon and Yoonhae were left alone in the small room. Looking at Yoonhae, sitting quietly with a bandage on his head, Jungjoon wondered if it had all been a dream. From Yoonhae clinging to him as if his life depended on it, to him self-harming without hesitation, it felt like he had been forced to watch a gruesome movie filled with violent scenes.
“…Why did you do that?”
Yoonhae didn’t answer, just looked at Jungjoon, gauging his reaction. Jungjoon felt drained. His face was stiff, devoid of emotion, like a plaster mask. Perhaps sensing the unusually serious atmosphere, Yoonhae started crying.
“Shut up! Stop crying!”
He yelled out of frustration, and Yoonhae’s crying stopped abruptly. He closed his mouth, his face dry as if he hadn’t been crying a moment ago, and studied Jungjoon’s expression. Jungjoon was disgusted by his unnatural emotional shifts.
“H-hyung…”
“…….”
“Hyuuung…”
Yoonhae whined like a dog wanting to go outside, trying to hug Jungjoon. When Jungjoon stopped him, he tried to hold his hand, and when that failed, he just fiddled with Jungjoon’s hand.
“Hyuuung…”
Jungjoon was annoyed by his constant whining and rubbing against him without properly speaking. He frowned and stood up abruptly. He left the room, leaving behind only the cold words, “Come out.”
He wanted to go somewhere without Yoonhae and work. But after seeing Yoonhae hitting himself in the head and bleeding, no one would separate him from Jungjoon. Even the director, with a look of avoidance, had left Yoonhae in Jungjoon’s care.
Jungjoon finally joined the painting work. Sweat poured down his face as he painted the large wall in the room without air conditioning or even a fan. Still, he was relieved that he didn’t have to be alone with Yoonhae or take care of him. Yoonhae clung to Jungjoon’s side, clumsily trying to help with the painting. He would occasionally make mistakes on purpose, trying to get Jungjoon’s attention, but Jungjoon ignored him.
After two hours of continuous work, they finally had a break.
“Hey, Bae Jinseok, say that again. What did you say? What did I steal? Huh?”
As they were resting, an angry voice erupted from one side of the room. The director was confronting one of the older boys in a hostile manner.
“Answer me, you little shit!”
Smack―! Smack―!
The sound of slaps followed. Everyone froze at the sharp sound of impact. They all tensed up, their bodies remembering the experience of being hit by the director at least once.
“…….”
No one dared to look or intervene, keeping their eyes downcast. The director sometimes lost his temper and hit the children as if possessed, and it was dangerous to cross him at those times.
“You ungrateful bastard, I feed you, I give you a place to sleep, and you don’t even appreciate it, huh? Are you even human?!”
The verbal and physical abuse continued relentlessly. Jungjoon swallowed nervously, feeling his heart race.
Then, his attention was drawn to the oblivious humming.
“Hmm, hmm hmm…”
The carefree sound was coming from Yoonhae. Right next to him, Yoonhae was humming cheerfully, rubbing his face against Jungjoon.
Not content with just clinging and rubbing, he took Jungjoon’s hand and fiddled with it like a toy. A strange, almost autistic contentment bloomed on his face as he enjoyed the sensation.
“…….”
He was simply happy to be close to Jungjoon, nothing more, nothing less. Jungjoon felt a chilling sense of disconnect from Yoonhae’s lack of understanding or empathy for the situation around them.
After the painting resumed, it took another three hours to finish. As always, the reward for the hard labor was simply the fact that it was over. The only consolation was that they got a decent meal after working at the church.
After the meal, which served as their payment, Jungjoon felt increasingly uncomfortable on the way back to the orphanage. He had overeaten without realizing it, enjoying the fish, which he hadn’t had in a while, and trying to compensate for his usually meager meals.
He tried to hold it in, not wanting to waste the food, but ended up vomiting before bed. Yoonhae hovered anxiously beside Jungjoon, who was starting to feel sick, his face creased with worry.
“A-are you o-okay?”
He brought a damp, musty-smelling towel from somewhere and placed it on Jungjoon’s forehead. Jungjoon was struggling with nausea, but he couldn’t bring himself to scold Yoonhae, who was trying his best to nurse him.
“H-hyung… d-does it h-hurt…? D-does it h-hurt a l-lot…?”
Seeing Jungjoon in pain, Yoonhae started crying.
‘…He’s still a child.’
Seeing Yoonhae’s helpless crying made him seem like any other ordinary child. A young child who couldn’t do anything on his own.
Lately, because of his incomprehensible behavior, especially today, Jungjoon had been looking at him as if he were a monster. Realizing this, Jungjoon felt a pang of guilt. Yoonhae was just immature and exceptionally stubborn, instinctively craving the affection he lacked compared to children with parents. He was just a vulnerable, fragile eight-year-old.
Contrary to his expectations of a quick recovery, Jungjoon remained bedridden with a fever the next day. And it was Yoonhae who stayed by his side. Somehow, he managed to get porridge and medicine and tried to feed Jungjoon.
“I can eat by myself.”
“N-no…. I’ll d-do it…!”
Jungjoon wasn’t that weak, but in the end, he couldn’t refuse Yoonhae’s insistence and let him do as he pleased.
After Jungjoon finished eating and lay back down with a groan, Yoonhae lay down next to him, curled up like a shrimp with his arm as a pillow, watching over Jungjoon.
“…G-get b-better s-soon….”
“…Okay.”
When Yoonhae had been hitting himself with the rock, Jungjoon had wanted to run away. But now, seeing him like this, Jungjoon felt grateful and reliant on him.
That night, the most terrifying person in the world became the most necessary person in the world, just like flipping a hand.
“…Don’t worry.”
Holding Yoonhae’s anxious hand, Jungjoon drifted into a deeper sleep than usual.
Their relationship, which had almost reached a breaking point, seemed to be improving after facing such an unexpected situation. As proof, even after recovering, Jungjoon found himself more tolerant of Yoonhae’s clinginess.
“H-hand, h-hand…”
Before going to sleep, Yoonhae would ask for a kiss and to hold hands, and Jungjoon readily offered his hand. He figured Yoonhae must have liked holding hands while he was sick, so it wasn’t a big deal.
Jungjoon tried his best to understand Yoonhae’s obsessive behavior and fixation on trivial things. For example, if Jungjoon rolled over in his sleep, Yoonhae would crawl to the other side of the bed to face him. If Jungjoon let go of his hand in his sleep, Yoonhae would follow and intertwine their fingers, no matter where Jungjoon’s hand was. If Jungjoon tried to move away from him because of the heat, Yoonhae would insist on maintaining contact, even if it was just the tips of their toes or fingers.
While it was tiresome, Jungjoon also felt pity. He wondered if there would ever be anyone else in the world who liked him this much. So he tried to see it in a positive light.
“I’m going to work.”
“Okay. K-kiss―”
It was the usual farewell as Jungjoon left for work. He gave Yoonhae, who had puckered his lips, a quick kiss. He figured Yoonhae liked this kind of thing because he was young, but once he hit puberty, he would probably be disgusted and avoid it. Thinking that way, Jungjoon felt he could tolerate it a little longer.
After parting with Yoonhae, Jungjoon headed to work with lighter steps, collected his flyers, and started his rounds. He started with the nearby villas and then moved on to the apartments, placing a flyer at each door. With practiced ease, he quickly finished one floor and moved down to the next, placing flyers from one end of the hallway to the other. About halfway through, he encountered an unexpected situation: an old man opening his door.
“Hey, you little brat!”
It was a thin, small man in his seventies. Jungjoon was startled by the harsh words that came as soon as their eyes met.
“Did your parents teach you to put this… this trash in people’s homes? Huh? Is that what your parents taught you?”
“…….”
“You’re the one who put that sticker all crooked last time, aren’t you? Huh? Do you think I don’t know? Try that again and I won’t let you get away with it.”
Where did this little beggar come from…? Jungjoon couldn’t say a word, stunned by the insults hurled at him with disdain. This was the first time this had happened, and his startled heart pounded in his chest.
The old man disappeared down the hallway, but Jungjoon, afraid of encountering another resident, went downstairs without finishing the floor.
“Ha…”
Perhaps it was the cloudy weather, but his mood plummeted. It looked like it was about to rain. He considered going back.
‘…No.’
If he went back now, he wouldn’t get paid for today. He needed every penny, so he steeled his resolve and headed to the next apartment complex.
Fortunately, he was able to distribute the flyers there without incident. It was a large complex, so by the time he finished, the stack of flyers had considerably thinned. He breathed a sigh of relief and quickly left the complex.
It started to drizzle, so he zipped up his bag to protect the remaining flyers. As he hurried across the playground, someone called out to him.
“Hey, you!”
Jungjoon stopped and turned around to see a man sitting in the playground pavilion, beckoning him.
“Could you come here for a second? I need to ask you a favor.”
The man was wearing a black t-shirt and worn-out sweatpants. There were a couple of soju bottles lying next to him; he couldn’t tell if the man had drunk them or if they had been there before.
“…….”
Honestly, he wanted to pretend he hadn’t heard and keep walking. But they had already made eye contact, and he couldn’t ignore an adult’s call, so he turned back.
“You’re a handsome, well-behaved young man.”
The man smiled, complimenting Jungjoon’s appearance as he approached. Jungjoon, on the other hand, felt a little intimidated by him up close and avoided eye contact.
“I seem to have lost my wallet…. Do you have any money on you by any chance?”
Hesitantly, he shook his head at the sudden question. The thought that he’d walked into a bad situation crossed his mind.
“I’m sorry, but could I borrow just 2,000 won? No more, no less. If you come here tomorrow, I’ll pay you back with an extra thousand won.”
“…….”
He was now certain that the soju bottles were the man’s. Jungjoon regretted responding to the man’s call.
“I’m sorry. I’m late, so…”
He had exactly 2,000 won in his pocket. Afraid of being robbed, he bowed his head and turned to leave.
But as he’d feared, the man didn’t let him go.
“Hey, w-what are you doing…!”
The man grabbed Jungjoon’s hand and pulled him closer.
“Just wait. Just sit with me for a bit.”
“No! Let go of me…!”
Jungjoon’s neck flushed with anger. He struggled to free his wrist while the man tried to pull him closer. The man, who looked to be in his forties, was of average height and build, but he was overwhelmingly stronger than Jungjoon, who was still an elementary school student.
“Come here. Listen to your elders. Do you think I’d do anything bad to you?”
The man dragged Jungjoon to the pavilion and forced him to sit down. Then, contrary to what he’d just said, he tried to reach into Jungjoon’s pants pocket. Jungjoon desperately resisted, kicking his legs in defiance.
“Let go of me! Let go!”
The man clicked his tongue in annoyance. Jungjoon, terrified by the man’s raised hand, finally shouted.
“Help―! Someone, please help―!!”
The startled man covered Jungjoon’s mouth with his hand. Not satisfied with that, he pushed Jungjoon down onto the pavilion bench and tried to pin him down as Jungjoon continued to struggle, twisting and kicking his legs. As Jungjoon’s resistance intensified, the man’s grip and movements became rougher.
Jungjoon felt a chill in his chest. At this rate, he would be overpowered. Maybe he should have just given the man the 2,000 won. It would have been better than being robbed and possibly beaten. The man’s hand reeked of a foul odor. Fear gripped him; he thought he might suffocate.
Thwack―!
There was a thud, and the man pinning Jungjoon down collapsed. He slumped to the side, motionless like a doll.
“…….”
Yoonhae appeared behind the unconscious man. He climbed onto the pavilion, soju bottle in hand, and hit the man’s head again. A grotesque sound accompanied the impact. It didn’t sound like it came from a human body.
As the blows continued, Jungjoon, who had been watching in a daze, snapped out of it. He rushed forward, stopping Yoonhae and throwing the bottle into the bushes. He grabbed Yoonhae’s hand and pulled him away, then, overcome with panic, scooped him into his arms and ran. When he came to his senses, he was running blindly through the alleys, away from the playground.
“Huff… huff…”
He collapsed in an empty alley, exhausted.
“H-hyung…”
Are you okay…? The familiar voice whispered in his ear. The rain was pouring down on them. Jungjoon suddenly shuddered. The image of the man collapsing with blood streaming down his head flashed before his eyes.
Is he dead?
Seeing him collapse like that, he must be dead.
No. But if I call 119 now….
But the thought of what would happen after calling the emergency services made his vision darken. It could potentially be murder. If that happened, his and Yoonhae’s future would be uncertain. Would they go to juvenile detention? The terrifying thought made him nauseous, and he vomited against the wall.
He couldn’t understand what was happening. How had things gotten to this point? He patted Yoonhae, whom he had instinctively embraced, and tried to compose himself.
They returned to the orphanage looking like drowned rats. Jungjoon immediately took Yoonhae to the bathroom and washed him longer than usual. He thoroughly scrubbed his own body and his face, where the man’s hand had touched him. Finally, he hand-washed all their clothes to remove any trace of the incident.
He couldn’t eat dinner and skipped it. Yoonhae, unlike usual, didn’t bother him when he went to bed early. Whether he understood the gravity of the situation or was shocked by what had happened, he quietly snuggled up to Jungjoon and went to sleep.
The next day, after a sleepless night filled with all sorts of imagined scenarios, Jungjoon couldn’t stand it anymore and snuck out of the orphanage without Yoonhae. With his heart pounding with each step, he went back to the playground.
“…….”
The playground he finally saw was nothing like what he had imagined. There were no people gathered, and there was no body. There were no police lines like in dramas, no chalk outlines marking the spot where a body had been.
There were no scary police officers, not even a single ant.
Pale and sweating, Jungjoon slowly entered the playground. His fearful eyes scanned the ordinary scene. It was so normal and peaceful that he wondered if yesterday had been a dream.
But just in case, he checked the bushes and found the soju bottle he had thrown there yesterday. His heart pounding, he quickly left.
He’s alive.
He’s alive….
The man probably wasn’t dead. No, he was definitely alive. Otherwise, it wouldn’t be this quiet.
It felt like someone he’d killed had come back to life. He wiped away tears, feeling like he’d been pardoned from a serious crime. As he returned, Yoonhae, who had been waiting in front of the orphanage, rushed towards him. He cried and fussed about Jungjoon leaving him, then came inside and started eating lunch. Jungjoon was dumbfounded, watching him devour his meal while he still couldn’t stomach anything.
How had Yoonhae been there at that time?
After much thought, he realized something.
Yoonhae hadn’t gotten used to waiting. He had gotten used to following.
“…….”
He suddenly remembered the unsettling rumors surrounding Yoonhae. The rumors he’d dismissed as nonsense now seemed questionable for the first time.