DFLT 23

Arriving home and fresh from a shower, Heonyoung sat on the sofa. He set down a glass of whiskey on the coffee table after a sip and ran his hand back through his hair. As comfort enveloped his body, fatigue finally began to creep in. When a moment to catch his breath came like this, stray thoughts often accompanied the exhaustion, usually dredging up the most irritating memories first.

‘That person likes you, hyung.’

The moment he heard something he absolutely didn’t want to believe, it felt like scattered fragments floating aimlessly finally clicked into place.

There was a piece of memory as bothersome as a hangnail. When wandering aimlessly in a world of utter darkness, a whisper had drifted in from somewhere unknown.

‘…I wish you wouldn’t do it. Don’t get married.’

At first, he thought it was his inner voice. It felt as if someone was giving voice to his own feelings about facing a marriage he had avoided for as long as he could.

Love and marriage, which everyone considered a natural part of life, were practically nonexistent for Seo Heonyoung from the start. His very existence as the child of a mistress was the product of a denied love. Tangible things were far better than such worthless emotions. Success, honor, or money—things he could reach for and willingly draw closer to, things that justified neglecting everything else.

‘I like you, Executive Director.’

As another forgotten fragment resurfaced, he realized the sourceless voice wasn’t his own.

“…Ji Yeonoh.”

Only after recognizing the owner of that voice he heard every day did his blurry mind, like a low-quality black-and-white film, become clear. When he was struggling with a sudden, intense rut and the effects of heavy suppressant doses, the person by his side had also been Ji Yeonoh.

‘…Hyung, have you ever once seen the look in Ji Yeonoh’s eyes?’

He didn’t search for options not listed on the answer sheet. He had never even considered that Ji Yeonoh’s feelings might be personal. Because they couldn’t be. They shouldn’t be.

Taking Ji Yeonoh to the department store was to see the ‘look’ that Dohyun had implied. He needed confirmation. He deliberately put the ring on Yeonoh’s finger and, seeing Yeonoh’s expression as if he might cry at any moment, became certain. And he recalled. The moments when their eyes met in the rearview mirror inside the car, just the two of them, when Yeonoh often wore a similar expression.

“Oh, Ji Yeonoh. Why on earth….”

Heonyoung closed his eyes and let out a low sigh. It was the first time he so desperately wished his intuition was wrong.

“Sunbae, you said you were nearby, and you really got here fast?”

“Yeah, yeah. I was around for something.”

Climbing into the passenger seat of Dojin’s car, Yeonoh greeted him warmly.

“I looked it up, and there’s a great sushi place nearby. Do you eat sushi?”

“Sushi? I can’t eat it…”

“Oh, really? Sorry—”

“Nah, I’m kidding.”

Finding his own joke funny, Dojin raised the corner of his mouth and chuckled, making Yeonoh laugh in disbelief.

“What’s that? You startled me.”

“You looked a bit down, so I tried a joke. Was it too old-fashioned?”

Yeonoh realized his mistake. No matter what, he shouldn’t let his mood affect his demeanor. He tilted his eyebrows and gave an apologetic look.

“Oh… Sorry, sunbae.”

“Hey, you’re making me feel like I told a really bad joke.”

“No, it was funny.”

“Can you put some soul into it? Anyway, I’m starving. What’s the address of that sushi place?”

Dojin’s playful glare made Yeonoh smile softly. The lack of awkwardness despite not seeing each other for a while felt nice.

After filling up on sushi, it was already getting dark outside. Talking about updates on old school friends made time fly. They moved to a wine bar Dojin liked and ordered a light wine. Having already had a couple of sakes with the sushi, Yeonoh wanted something lighter, and since he didn’t know much about wine, Dojin ordered for him.

“It’s Moscato, a slightly sweet white wine. If you like it, you can try others too.”

“I’ll enjoy it.”

Clink, the two glasses met in the air. Yeonoh, who didn’t drink often, worried it might not suit his taste, but thankfully, as Dojin said, the sweet flavor made it go down easily.

“Like it?”

“It’s tastier than I expected since it’s not too strong!”

“Good to hear.”

Honestly, Yeonoh had been a bit worried about being alone with Dojin. With his shy nature and lack of conversational skills, he feared it might just be drinking in silence, but Dojin brought up various topics, leading to a lively conversation.

“So, Yeonoh.”

“Yeah?”

“What’s got you so upset that you suggested drinking?”

The atmosphere turned serious. Yeonoh avoided Dojin’s gaze and finished his wine. Draining the last few sips, his glass was refilled with the same drink.

“…Just…”

How could he say it? That he’s secretly in love with his soon-to-be-married boss, and today, trying on the ring his boss would give to his fiancée made his heart race alone. Unable to speak, Yeonoh glanced at his hand fidgeting with the stem of the wine glass.

‘Your hand is pretty similar to Dohyun’s.’

Even worse, his hand, so similar to Dohyun’s, looked good with Heonyoung’s, but he knew better than anyone that he’d never wear the same ring, so he couldn’t bring himself to admit how shaken he was.

“Just?”

“Just. Alcohol’s great for breaking the ice, right? Haha.”

“Our little tofu, you find me awkward? That hurts.”

“…No, that’s not it.”

“Just kidding. You’re fun to tease.”

Noticing Yeonoh’s low spirits, Dojin exaggerated his reaction playfully.

“But I think it’s time I got a real answer. Are you really getting married?”

Dojin’s intense gaze burned. He seemed to genuinely believe Yeonoh was getting married. At that moment, Yeonoh couldn’t hold back a laugh, even though it wasn’t funny.

“What? I’m being serious here, why are you laughing?”

“I’m not getting married.”

“…Really?”

“Me, getting married?”

That was truly absurd. He shook his head inwardly.

“Then what was all that talk about marriage?”

What would Dojin think if he spilled everything? Would he pity him for chasing a pipe dream, or curse him as filthy?

“Just… I sometimes think about it alone. Maybe because I’m nearing that marriageable age.”

He swallowed his true feelings with the wine and dodged with a lie. It wasn’t something to discuss with Dojin. Maybe because of the alcohol, his chest stung as if burned.

“Yeonoh, drink slowly. And if you’re at marriageable age, I’d have to wait for my next life to get married…”

Dojin responded playfully in a softer tone. A light chuckle slipped through his teeth. A slightly long silence followed. To hide the awkwardness, Yeonoh focused on the lounge’s piano performance. Pretending to be engrossed in the sweet piano melody and calm song, he was frantically calculating how to continue the stalled conversation.

“Oh, can I ask something now?”

“Of course.”

“Sunbae… how have you been? Where were you overseas?”

He carefully broached the question, worried it might be uncomfortable. Dojin, as if expecting it, opened his mouth willingly this time.

“New York.”

“New York…?”

“Yeah. Transferred to NYU, got my bachelor’s, and finished my MBA.”

Yeonoh had worried something bad happened when Dojin vanished, so it was a relief to hear he’d been doing well.

“Sorry for disappearing without a word. I heard you asked around about me through our friends.”

“No, it’s okay. It happens.”

“I heard other news about you while catching up with friends, Yeonoh.”

Yeonoh could guess what was coming next.

“I heard about your dad’s accident…”

“…Oh, you heard.”

Some things feel unforgettable, yet they fade with time. When was it…

“About six years ago, I think.”

It was winter six years ago, wasn’t it? His dad, a taxi driver, worked from dawn to late at night, always sleep-deprived and stressed. On that day, when record-breaking cold swept the peninsula, a sudden heart attack took him. Yeonoh had thought those tedious news warnings about winter heart attacks were for someone else.

Hearing the news while working part-time, Yeonoh rushed to the scene and became the chief mourner. Unable to break down, with his collapsed mother and Seowon, just out of childhood as a middle schooler, in front of him, he couldn’t wail. At the funeral parlor, biting his lip to hold back tears, the police came.

His dad, struggling between life and death from the heart attack, lost control of the wheel, sending the car into the opposite lane, where it crashed head-on with an oncoming vehicle. Including the passenger in the taxi’s back seat, there were four casualties.