DTD 1

There were two things in this world that shouldn’t be inherited. The first was poverty, and the second was illness.

I was lucky enough to avoid the former, thanks to my parents, who were Class A hunters. I had a nice childhood where my birthday cakes were always covered with fresh strawberries, and I never had to opt for a toy that was 10,000 won cheaper just so my parents could afford it.

Of course, compared to the people in the auction videos I was watching now, I would’ve been considered poor.

<A billion. Customer number 30 has put forward a one billion-won bid!>

What was it like to bid a billion won for a single dot on a white canvas? I, who ate a triangle kimbap for lunch, would never understand the world of the rich until the day I died, which would be…

“In a year’s time already, huh.”

Too bad. If I could’ve lived to be eighty, maybe I would’ve won the lotto. Instead, I would die a year from now. And in the meantime, I’d continue spending my life complaining about the rising price of things as insignificant as eggs. I used to curse the cruel hand I was dealt, but now I was beyond resignation, reaching a stage of mental victory. 

“Should I maybe take out a life insurance policy now, or… Ah, wait, there’d be no beneficiary.”

It had played out like that. Thanks to my wonderful parents, I’d avoided poverty, but instead, I’d inherited illness. A curse, to be precise. My mother had been cursed after failing to save one of her colleagues after entering a rift, and that curse had been her punishment. 

<Destined to Die>.

The curse, with its vile name, had consumed my mother, and now, it’d come for me.

The receiver of the curse would die exactly ten years from the moment they received it. And no matter what happened until then, death couldn’t touch them. I was only seventeen when I inherited the curse of mortality, and back then, I didn’t fully comprehend that concept.

But now I understood. I wouldn’t die even if I did something foolish. If I fell into the sea and suffered hypothermia, I’d live. If an iron rod crushed my head, I wouldn’t die. If the skin on my body was charred and melted, I would continue to live. I knew this because I’d now been through many situations that would’ve killed an ordinary person.

Yet I survived. 

So, I took advantage of the curse to make money.

My mother had used her cursed body to fight on the front lines of dungeons. For a hunter who fought monsters and creatures for a living, an immortal body was a valuable weapon, but unfortunately, I hadn’t inherited her bravery or fighting spirit.

Instead, I used my indestructible body to make money. I considered myself an ‘errand boy’ for convenience, as I’ll do anything for a price. Whether it was harvesting monster skin or picking flowers from cliffs, no job was too big or small as long as it didn’t break the law.

But my latest assignment was a bit special. The client had asked me to attend one of the largest artifact auctions in Korea and make a bid on their behalf. So, I borrowed a high-end suit that didn’t suit me and went to the auction. I also familiarised myself with the auction process via video to avoid making any mistakes.

[Have you arrived at the auction house?]

The client rang me, most likely worried I’d run off with their 500,000 won down payment. He’d mistaken me as a slave to capitalism if he’d thought that. If the bid was successful, the job’s payout was a whopping 1 million won. So, there was really no reason for me to do something stupid like running off.

[Yes, I’ll be registering to participate shortly. Don’t worry.]

[Thank goodness. Then I’ll leave it to you.]

I was honored that they trusted me, but I still had doubts. I didn’t know why they’d trusted me with bidding when I didn’t even have a business card. They could’ve left it to a professional agent or company. Thinking about that, I was worried I may’ve made a mistake. I sent a cautious message to the client.

[Is there anything in particular I should look out for?]

[Not really. As long as they don’t attend today’s auction, it should go smoothly.]

[Who’s ‘they’?]

[There’s a strange group of people these days who diligently and exclusively collect cursed artifacts.]

I almost wrote, ‘But you’re also a weirdo willing to pay 100 million for a cursed item…’ before quietly deleting it as I recalled the agreed amount of money that would soon hit my bank account. I’d find out whether the strange collectors had come to the auction soon enough.

Right at that moment, an announcement came through the speakers.

<The auction will begin shortly. Participants who have not yet registered must report to the lobby.>

I hurried to the lobby, where a staff member who seemed to have been waiting for me greeted me.

“Welcome. Are you participating or watching?”

“Participating as a representative.”

”Then please fill out these papers.”

The artifacts up for auction were nothing like those found in museums. The items in the auction were treasures that promised to enhance the owner’s physical abilities, temporarily change the weather, perform miracles beyond one’s wildest dreams, and similar extraordinary feats.

Artifacts with such remarkable powers were called spirit objects.

“Have you ever participated in an auction before?”

“No. It’s my first time.”

“Then I recommend taking a look at the catalog.”

There were twenty spirit items up for auction today. Unfortunately, this auction wasn’t the main one, so it only featured D-grade items and below. Still, I’m sure they’re worth more than I could possibly imagine. I directed a question to the clerk as I flipped through the catalog.

“So everything in this catalog will be auctioned today?”

“Yes. That’s correct. You’ll be able to bid on the items in the order they’re listed.”

“Oh…”

As I flipped through the pages, I came across the item the client asked me to bid on.

The D-class spirit object: <Firebird’s Breath>.

It was said to be the only surviving flower from an ancient civilization that was destroyed by a volcanic eruption. Since then, a great fire has always broken out wherever this flower blooms. I didn’t know why anyone would want to spend so much money on a flower that was considered an omen of disaster. As someone who lived in a small one-room apartment, I could only imagine how a rich person felt spending hundreds of millions of won.

I took out my cell phone, snapped a photo of <Firebird’s Breath>, and sent it to the client.

[This is it, right?]

As if he’d been waiting to hear from me, I received a reply immediately. 

[Yes. Like I said, my budget is 100 million. Anything more will be difficult.]

[Ok. I’ll do my best].

100 million won for a single flower; the lives of the wealthy were truly beyond me.

After I filled out and handed the paperwork over, the staff gave me a paddle with a number written on it. Number 323. That would be my name today, not Hajae Shin.

“I hope you get the item you’re after.”

“Ah, yes. Thank you.”

I walked past the heavily guarded door and into the venue, paddle in hand. The doors opened to reveal a large auction room the size of a concert hall. Beneath a loosely tied red velvet curtain was a stage where the auctioneer would present the items, surrounded by luxurious leather chairs for the in-person attendees to sit. Against the wall stood the auction house staff in suits, ready to take telephone bids.

I looked around at the overwhelmingly extravagant interior and nervously adjusted my tie. As expected, the wealthy liked to hire people, so agents like me occupied most of the seats. Immediately after I sat in the seat labeled ‘323’, the lights went out in the auction room.

With hundreds of millions of dollars on the line, the auction was about to begin.

<We will now begin the auction.>

As the auctioneer took the stage, you could feel the tension in the room. Even as the auctioneer explained the details of this auction, I remained solely focused on <Firebird’s Breath>. I must get it. Not for the client but in order to receive the payout. Who wouldn’t be eager to receive 1 million won in cash if the bidding was successful.

A sigh escaped my lips.

There were many D-ranked spirit ohjects, and they didn’t have any extraordinary abilities and were mostly ornamental. So common sense would dictate that 100 million should surely be enough. However, I still needed to remain vigilant. This wasn’t the ‘cursed artifact collecting group’ the client had mentioned, but a bunch of rich people who used money as if it were water.

Nervously fiddling with my paddle, I finally heard the words I’d been waiting for.

<Next up is D-class artifact, <Firebird’s Breath>>.

An employee walked onto the stage carrying a box covered with a red velvet cloth. The employee then lifted the cloth to reveal a bouquet of seemingly ordinary flowers inside a glass box. But, despite the ordinary appearance of the bundle of flowers, everyone in the room knew they contained a unique item.

There was a special spirit infused into that bouquet.

“Rather than explain this spirit item using my words, I’m going to show you what it does.”

The auctioneer gestured, and an employee took a small torch from his pocket and lit the bouquet. In an instant, the petals burned black and fell off one by one, but the red flower in the center remained untouched amongst the ashes. As if to prove its name, the more intense the flames became, the more beautiful the red color shined. 

“Wow…”

Gasps were heard from all over the room. Damn. The price of an already expensive artifact had just doubled with that one performance. As expected, the auctioneer noticed the spike in excitement and quickly spoke up.

“We know there were a lot of customers out there who appeared at last year’s auction and were disappointed when they missed out on this item. In light of this, I hope our interested patrons can take advantage of this opportunity today.”

The client told me that three <Firebird’s Breath> bouquets sold for 10 million won last year. Although it was beautiful, it hardly grew anywhere due to its strict requirements, and it also had a penchant for bringing disaster. So, this time, as well, it’d surely go for a reasonable enough price. 

But the auctioneer announced a price that far exceeded my expectations.

<The starting bid for <Firebird’s Breath> is 50 million won, with bids accepted in 1 million won increments.>

Barely able to close my gaping mouth, I raised my paddle and hoped that my client would be the only one willing to spend 50 million won on a single flower. 

Much to my dismay, paddles shot up everywhere like moles. The number of bidders was already at least 20.

The auctioneer skilfully called out the price dictated by each raised paddle.

<50 million. 51 million. …We’re getting 52 million…. Customer 201 has put in a phone bid of 53 million. We’re up to 54 million… 55 million… 56 million has just been submitted in writing.>

The price continued to increase rapidly; it sounded like the auctioneer was simply counting out loud in intervals of a million. The energy in the room was tense and fast-paced, feeling no different from a battlefield. When the bid reached 60 million won, the auctioneer spoke quickly as if he’d been waiting for this. 

<From now on, the bidding amount will increase in two million won increments.>

Unswayed by the amount, the paddles of the audience members refused to go down.

62 million won. 64 million… 67 million. As the bidding climbed higher and higher, the competition dwindled until, finally, that amount came out of the auctioneer’s mouth.

<100 million won. Number 323 has bid 100 million won.>

All eyes turned to the paddle I was holding.

<Is anyone willing to go higher?>

I wondered if this was what it would feel like to play on thin ice. I felt sick to my stomach like I was going to vomit. It’s 100 million. 100 million. With a wave of my hand, 16 years’ worth of monthly rent for a modest single room was on the line. I nervously chewed my lip and glanced to the side. Luckily, there were no competitors. Even though it’d maxed out my client’s budget, I was happy it seemed enough to score the winning bid. Now, I just had to hope the auction would end without anyone else bidding.

But unfortunately, things often don’t work out the way you plan.

<A new bid has just come in.>

As he spoke, the auctioneer pointed his bidding stick toward someone in the corner.

<Number 99 has bid 105 million won.>

…What?

If you were to stop someone on the street and ask them what the most famous spirit item is, nine times out of ten, they’d give you the same answer: <The Spear of Longinus>. This double-edged blade was the weapon that pierced the side of Jesus during his crucifixion, and it was the first spirit object ever to be found.

<The Spear of Longinus> was a mystery until the 19th century. And then, one day, it appeared suddenly in the middle of Vatican Square. Well, more accurately, it fell from the sky and lodged itself into the ground. <The Spear of Longinus> then caused a massive explosion.

And its influence activated other spirit objects all over the world. In addition to real historical objects, such as the guillotine that executed and ended the reign of King Louis XVI, legendary items such as <Manpasik Flute>, which originated the peace of the Silla Dynasty, have been reborn as spirits.

All spirits are imbued with powers associated with their origins; for example, those who touch <Fall of the Sun> would suffer their family’s downfall, and those who hear the sound of <Manpasik Flute> would enjoy good fortune. Through the power of these spiritual objects, humans could experience miracles repeatedly.

However, before an ordinary artifact could become a spiritual item, it had to undergo a process called a ‘runaway’. When an artifact’s power explodes, it creates a rift in space and time and opens a gate to another world. If nobody enters the crack and subdues the spirit, monsters emerge from the rip, causing damage, chaos, and casualties if not dealt with. 

The only people who could prevent such a disaster were individuals who had ‘awakened’.

When the <Spear of Longinus> exploded, humans with abilities similar to spirits were born. These individuals had both the power to defeat monsters and their bodies could withstand entering into the rifts that had been blown open. They were given many different names, including psychics, gatekeepers, and messengers of the gods. It wasn’t until recently that the name was narrowed down to a single title.

Those who collected spirits were known as ‘treasure hunters.’ Or more commonly, as just ‘hunters’.

After entering the gate and taming the spirit, the hunter faces a crossroads. They could claim the spirit object for themselves or give it away. If they choose to give it away, it goes up for auction, and due to the nature of the artifact and its subsequent value…

<Firebird’s Breath>, which sat on that stage right now, was probably acquired by a hunter for a small fortune. But it couldn’t possibly go for more than $100 million. There’s no way!

“What kind of bastard…”

I quickly turned my head towards number 99, eager to glimpse the smug face. I expected to see a rich man sitting there, but number 99 looked like an ordinary guy. He was probably representing someone like me. I immediately put down my paddle and texted my client.

[It’s hit over 100 million; what should I do? Just walk?]

As the auctioneer observed me, I got a text back.

[Go to 150 million.]

I picked up my paddle, and the auctioneer pointed at me.

<Ah, number 323 has just put in another bid for 110 million won.>

I thought this would put an end to it, but the other paddle didn’t lower. Unlike my anxious movements, this guy didn’t even hesitate. And so up it went, 120 million, 130 million, 140 million… The bidding that escalated as quickly as a lit fuse hit my upper limit once more. 

<Customer 99 has placed a bid for 150 million won.>

Aah, I barely swallowed the lump in my throat. I lowered my paddle in a panic, and the auctioneer silently stared at me, wordlessly asking if I wanted to put forth another bid. I raised my hand slightly, indicating that I needed a moment, as I quickly called my client.

[Someone placed a bid for 150 million won].

[Who was it?]

[I don’t know; I think they’re using an agent.]

[Oh, no…. that’s probably them.]

By ‘them’, did he mean that strange group that only collected cursed items? I didn’t really care who they were. Whether they’re a cult, a powerful guild, or whether it’s a renowned hunter, to me, they were simply a bastard trying to stop me from putting food on the table.

My client hesitated a moment before he made a difficult choice. 

[It can’t be helped. Give up.]

I closed my eyes tightly. If he wanted to give up, there was nothing I could do. I silently shook my head at the auctioneer, and his gaze moved away from me.

<That’s 150 million won going once, going twice and…. SOLD! For 150 million won.>

There were no more interruptions.

<Congratulations, customer number 99. Your bid of 150 million won has been accepted.>

The sound of the bidding stick hitting the podium rang out cheerfully, and the owner of the <Firebird’s Breath> was now number 99. With a hint of envy, I leaned up slightly to look at number 99, but his face was expressionless without a hint of joy. It was as if he’d known he would win the auction.

“…Bastard.”

With <Firebird’s Breath> gone, there was no point in staying for the rest of the auction. I stood up, left my paddle on the table, and left the room. I was about to text my client with the auction results when something caught my eye.

“Huh…?”

A man passed in front of me and headed down the corridor. It was number 99, the guy who’d just won the spirit object. The door he entered had a sign that read, ‘No entry, authorized personnel only.’ As I stared at him, wondering if he was allowed in there, I received a message from the client.

[Thanks for your efforts. And don’t worry, you’ll still receive 80% of the request fee.]

Even though I’d failed to win the auction, he would still give me 800,000 won. I guess it was true that amounts like that are a drop in the ocean for the rich. His words instantly put me in a good mood, and I included an emoji I didn’t usually use.

[Thank you.^0^]

[By the way… is there any way you could find out who won the auction?]

[Well. I did happen to see the winning bidder head down the hall just before.]

I wonder if he was on his way to meet with his employer.

[Do you think you could follow him, by any chance?]

[The person who won the bid?]

[Yes. If you can find out who it is, I’ll send you 100 million won.]

Two months’ rent! I jumped to my feet and looked around. With the auction still in full swing, I noticed no one guarding the venue’s doors. It was only after taking a careful look at all the CCTV locations that I followed number 99 into the restricted corridor. As I walked, it wasn’t long before I heard around the corner just ahead of me.

“Yes. You… mentioned.”

Judging by the firm use of honorifics, it was very likely that customer 99 was on the phone with his employer. I peeked my head out from around the corner very carefully to make sure he didn’t spot me. The person I saw in front of me was a man wearing a black mask that covered his face.

At that moment, I felt my blood run cold. 

Despite the mask, I recognized the person immediately. It was someone I knew—someone I wasn’t supposed to appear in front of again, even if I were to die. 

“Why are you…?”

I muttered to myself in a state of shock. At that moment, the black-masked man turned around. Instantly, my entire body froze. I had to get out of here. If he caught me, it was over. 

As soon as he stepped in my direction, I turned and bolted. Barely able to catch my breath, I continued running until I was out of the auction house.

It was the same as back then. The day I abandoned him seven years ago. 

****

Even now, when I close my eyes, I still remember what my mum said on my 7th birthday.

‘Hajae. Mom has to leave because she loves you.’

It was the most contradictory sentence I’d ever heard. I was seven years old, and I couldn’t understand it in my young, juvenile mind, which was still grappling with things like basic addition. My mom had just been making excuses, so she felt less guilty about abandoning her only child. I was relieved when she gave up. I didn’t want to think about confusing adult situations.

I tried to cut her out of my life completely after that. Of course, it wasn’t easy. Whenever I saw reminders of her around the house or I ran into someone who knew her and told me how much I resembled my mother, the memories I tried to erase were dragged up like a fish caught on a fishing line. 

I resembled my mother? What an insult. Unlike her, I would never abandon the people I love. Not ever.

Since then, nine more cold years have passed. I was now sixteen. When I was in elementary school, all the middle school students in the grade levels above me seemed like adults. However, when you yourself reach that age, you realize that isn’t the case. 

I still haven’t forgotten my mom, and I still stay up all night at times, longing for the woman who’d abandoned me. Beyond resentment, I was just curious. Why did she leave me and my father behind? Was it desire or boredom? Useless questions ran through my head every morning. 

During the weeks that I wondered if it’d made me more mature, an urge to help other lonely children like me started to grow. At that time, I started volunteering at the orphanage run by the church where I used to attend mass with my father. I felt an unprecedented sense of responsibility when I looked after the kids there, and they relied on me. 

Only here, I wasn’t known as the high school student, Hajae Shin, but as their teacher, Johan. Even though I’m still in high school, I’m happy to hear the children call me ‘ teacher’ because it makes me feel like I’ve accomplished something.

It was a day that I saw a face I hadn’t seen at the orphanage before.

“Teacher. Don’t play with that kid.”

“Why not?”

“Something’s wrong with him. He doesn’t talk.”

The child was a stranger. He was the only outsider in a nursery that was as close as a family despite there not being a drop of shared blood between them. By the time I heard about him, he’d already received much attention from the other kids. With his silky black hair, fair skin, and long eyelashes that framed his pale face, the children were fascinated by how pretty he was for a boy. They’d tried to get close to him, but he wouldn’t even make eye contact with them.

So they began to spread bad rumors about him as he continued to ignore him.

“I heard it from someone. They said he sees ghosts.”

“That’s right. That’s why his relatives abandoned him here.”

It wasn’t the kind of behavior you’d expect from children being educated by a compassionate priest in a holy cathedral, but the boy didn’t respond to any of the insults. He didn’t even deny that the rumors were false; he simply read a tattered maths textbook from the bookshelf in silence.

Without any response to fuel the fire, the rumors soon died down. At lunchtime, when the boys were playing football, and the girls were out for a walk, the boy read in the classroom by himself.

The moment everyone’s attention had finally moved on, I unconsciously felt relieved. 

“Hi.”

I finally had a chance to talk to him alone.

“I finally got to talk to you.”

In the short time I’d been volunteering at the orphanage, I’d met so many children whose families were taken from them, and they understandably craved love and attention. Having recently lost my own parents, I also felt that loneliness. But this child was special. I couldn’t help but be curious as he brushed off all my attempts to befriend him.

“Do you like math?”

Again, he didn’t answer. But rather than diminishing, my curiosity about him grew and grew. He was like a stray cat that refused to let me touch him. And I, of course, am a stubborn person. If a cat is wary of me, I’d keep approaching it until it let me touch it.

From that day on, I hovered around the child and talked to him daily. I kept asking him what his name was, what food he disliked, and whether he liked to play games. But he never answered. He would just flip through his old, worn book, as always.

“It’s hot today, right? Should we go get some ice cream?”

Still, I didn’t think he was ignoring me, and I don’t think he viewed it that way either because his eyes would flicker subtly with each question I asked. Sometimes, his brow furrowed, and sometimes, his lips twitched as if he were about to say something.

He was clearly listening. But he didn’t answer. Perhaps he was just shy.

”Hello. I’m here again.”

I knew I wasn’t going to get anywhere by just talking to him, so I changed my approach.

“I brought something fun, wanna see it?”

I held out the 3*3 Rubik’s cube, and he glanced over. I hurriedly explained the cube to him before his interest waned.

“You turn it like this to make one side all the same color.”

I then deftly fitted the cube together, just as my father had taught me. 

Click, click, click–. 

The sound of plastic rubbing against plastic cut through the heavy silence.

“What do you think?”

His eyes widened slightly as I quickly matched the colors on one side to show him. 

Great. It seemed like he was interested.

”Wanna try?”

I gently held out the cube, and he put his book down and took it. His tiny hands fiddled with the cube for a while before completing the other side. Could it be that he was a gifted child? Apparently, he wasn’t just looking at the math book out of boredom. 

“That’s pretty good for your first time. Do you want to try and finish the other side?”

He nodded slowly and turned the cube. But it didn’t last long before he stopped. It was expected. People who played with a Rubik’s cube for the first time were often afraid of messing up their hard work again, but it’s necessary if they want to complete all six sides.

“It’s hard, isn’t it? Everyone struggles at first. But you’ll quickly get the hang of it once you understand how to do it.”

Can this quiet child do it? Will he be able to tear down the tower he’s worked so hard to build to build a more beautiful castle?

Out of curiosity, I looked at his face and was stunned. I expected him to be upset, but instead, he was staring at the cube, his eyes flashing with the fierceness of an animal on the hunt. My heart skipped a beat as I realized I’d just glimpsed his true personality beneath the frosty exterior.

“Perfect. I’ll give it to you as a gift then.”

I smiled at him; he looked surprised but didn’t make eye contact with me.

“If you can finish the cube by next week, I’ll teach you something even more fun.”

I left him with those words as I walked away. 

It honestly felt like I was gambling. I wasn’t expecting much, as there was no guarantee the child would take me up on my offer, even if he were interested in the cube. I figured I’d be lucky if he didn’t throw the cube I gave him into the classroom trash can.

A week later, when I went to church, he was sitting in the corner of the pew as usual. I couldn’t help but smile as the sunlight caught his tired appearance, making him look like a black cat.

“Hey, there you are.”

As I got closer, I realized he wasn’t holding the cube but the book. I was disappointed, but I expected it. Perhaps I had hoped for too much from the start. I smiled, trying not to let my disappointment show, and sat beside him. No, I tried to sit down, but there was something on the seat where I sat.

It was a cube with all six sides complete.

“You… did it?!”

He couldn’t have looked it up on the internet; he had to have figured it out by himself. I felt strangely satisfied, even though I hadn’t done it. I quickly picked up the cube and sat beside him, turning it around and admiring it.

“Wow… It took me a month to figure this out on my own. You must be really smart.”

“…..”

“Or am I stupid?”

“Haha!” 

I laughed mischievously, looked over to the side, and our eyes locked. That’s when I saw it for the first time. Beneath willowy lashes, he had black eyes like an abyss. He looked tired like he hadn’t slept well, but he was still incredibly beautiful.

In addition, his large eyes, slightly upturned at the ends, were so clear that they reflected my face like a mirror. It was so amazing that I stared into his eyes and muttered to myself.

“Would you be reflected like this in my eyes, too?”

For a moment, his eyelashes fluttered. One by one, his delicate features came into view. His pursed lips, wide-open eyes, and slightly flushed cheeks didn’t match his nervous expression. It was like looking at a camellia bud that hadn’t bloomed yet, buried in the pure white snow. I realized it too late then. I’d leaned in so close that the tip of our noses had touched.

“Ah, sorry. I invaded your personal space.”

I jerked my upper body back and smiled sheepishly. What was I doing to a kid who hadn’t even spoken to me yet? I quietly scratched the back of my head and then handed him the Rubik’s cube to break the ice.

“Thanks. For hanging out with me.”

I wrinkled my nose playfully and laughed, and his stiff expression lifted. My cube-based approach to friendship had worked. As I turned to start to leave, something tugged my collar downward.

“Something else….”

“Huh?”

“…You said you’d teach me something else.”

I couldn’t believe my ears for a moment when I heard the voice that hadn’t yet broken. Just now… Did he speak? Had I heard wrong? Did that voice really come out of his mouth? I blinked, stunned, and answered belatedly.

“Ah! Yes, I did, but… I have to clean the warehouse today….”

“Oh…”

The hand that was holding me dropped down. I could see the disappointment in his eyes. I felt like I was just one step closer, and somehow, I’d fumbled the opportunity. I dropped to one knee before him, looking him in the eye as I tried to apologize sincerely.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to break my promise. I tried to come prepared, but I didn’t know I’d be cleaning today, so…”

“…It’s okay, you can go.”

Before I knew it, the disappointment in his eyes was gone. He seemed quite skilled at hiding his negative emotions for someone so young. Perhaps the countless disappointments he’d had in the past had numbed his emotions. I felt more and more sorry for him.

“Well, maybe later on….”

“Hey, Teacher Johan!”

I was going to ask him if he had some free time in the evening after I finished cleaning. But another volunteer had come to get me, so I was forced to swallow what I wanted to say.

While cleaning the warehouse, I couldn’t get his disappointed face out of my head.

Earlier, he must’ve been expecting me since he left the cube where I usually sat.

“…Maybe I should’ve postponed cleaning.”

There was no point in regretting it now. I sighed heavily and reached for a rag to wipe up some of the dust in the storage room. When I went to grab the mop, I couldn’t find it. I looked up, wondering where I’d left it, and saw a black silhouette against the fluorescent lights.

“Eh?”

It was that child. He was holding my mop, standing there awkwardly.

Why was he here? Shouldn’t he be in the middle of PE class right now? Did he have something else he wanted to say to me? I didn’t think much of it but reached out to take the mop anyway.

“Thanks for picking it up.”

He flinched and stepped back as I casually took the mop.

“What’s wrong? Ah, do I smell like sweat?”

“No. It’s not that….”

He hesitated, biting down hard on his lower lip, and then stammered.

“I also…… If I help… You’ll finish sooner….”

The child bowed his head, and his ears were red, like a pale ocean body colored by a pink sunset. I was also taken aback at his uncertainty of what to do. As I stared at him, unable to close my open mouth, he glanced at me and muttered something.

“…Was it a silly idea…?”

“Huh? Ah, no, of course not!”

I said, my voice naturally rising in fear there’d be a misunderstanding. I didn’t want to push him away by telling him I didn’t need help when he was so shy. I quickly squatted down in front of him, looked up slightly, and asked,

“Are you sure you wanna help me?”

“That… Yes.”

His pupils trembled like deep lakes, but he wasn’t running away anymore. There was only one step between us now. I wondered how long it would take me to close that small gap and what expression he’d give me then. My heart fluttered in anticipation.

“Thanks. I didn’t think you liked me… I thought you were avoiding me.”

I spoke without thinking, but the fern-like hands that were gripping the mop lost strength.

He didn’t look too happy. Worried I’d made a mistake, I hastily added an excuse.

“No, I mean….”

I tried to play it off as a joke, but he shrunk away.

“That’s… not true.”

“Huh? Really?”

He nodded quietly. I was flattered by that and couldn’t resist the playful words that came out of my mouth.

“Thank goodness. I like you, as well.”

“What? No, not like that… I didn’t….”

“Haha, it’s a good thing, no matter how you look at it, right?”

My laughter filled the warehouse. The child’s face was red with embarrassment, and it was very cute. After we finished cleaning up together, we headed back to the classroom. By the time I got the chess board I’d prepared out, it was well past sunset and long past time to go home.

I stood the cheap plastic chess pieces upright, showing them to him.

“You know what this is, right?”

“…Chess.”

“Yeah. Of course, playing chess is much harder than playing with a Rubik’s cube. You can solve a Rubik’s cube alone, right? But in chess, you usually have an opponent. So, you must constantly observe and anticipate your opponent’s strategy and what moves they’ll make next.”

“How do you anticipate it?”

“Well, perhaps you can tell by looking in their eyes?”

I playfully made eye contact and gave him a bright smile, to which he quickly averted his gaze. He gets so embarrassed just by me looking at him that I couldn’t help but wonder when he’d be ok with physical contact. I still had a long way to go to gain his trust. 

Afterward, I explained the rules of chess to him step by step, and he steadily nodded.

“I think I’ve got it.”

“Already? It took me a week to memorize the rules….”

Once again, it somehow felt very unfair. 

“Then, do you want to play a practice game with me?”

“A practice game?”

“Yeah. The person who loses has to answer one question, any question that the winner asks. How about that?”

“…Okay.”

Innocent as he was, he had no idea I was trying to use this game to learn more about him. As I placed the pieces in their proper places on the chessboard, I asked, out of habit.

“White?”

“…White?”

“Ah, I was asking because white can move first. Since you’re a beginner, you can play white.”

I gestured for him to go first, and he nodded thoughtfully. He began to play chess with the same keen eye that he’d used to examine the cube. His concentration was so intense that I couldn’t believe he was a beginner, so I backed him into a corner without any lenience. I couldn’t let him take away my hard-won opportunity to ask a question.

“Checkmate.”

“…Ah.”

I smirked as I knocked out his white king with my black rook that matched the color of his eyes. It was an easy win, but it was a decent play for a beginner who’d just learned the rules. It wouldn’t be long before he caught up, so I’d enjoy the victory for now.

“Hmm, what should I ask you~”

I glanced at him, deliberately stalling, and he swallowed dryly, rolling his eyes nervously from side to side. Anyone who saw it would think he was on trial for a crime. Unable to hide my laughter bubbling up, I smiled and asked my first question.

“What’s your name?”

“W-What?”

“Tell me your name. I still don’t know it.”

He let out a small sigh that I wasn’t sure indicated if he was disappointed or relieved by the trivial question.

“….Sang Heo.”

“Ah, you have a foreign name. What’s the equivalent in Korean characters?”

“Sang Seori….”

“Hmm. It’s nice.”

Sang Heo. The bittersweet, serene name, as calm as a winter sea, suited him well.

“My name is Johan.”

“I know.”

“Huh? You knew?”

“Because the kids always say, ‘Teacher Johan, Teacher Johan, Teacher Johan.’”

I couldn’t help but feel happy. I didn’t think he was interested in me at all, so I didn’t expect him to remember my name. It felt as though the cat that’d always avoided my touch had actually been waiting for me. 

“Then Sang-ee~”

“Sang…ee?”

“Yeah. It’s Sang Heo, so Sang-ee. Why? Is it too soon to call you by your name?”

“N-No…”

His hands, fidgeting on the chessboard, looked particularly small.

“So you don’t have a baptismal name yet, Sang-ee?”

I didn’t think it was a difficult question, but no matter how long I waited, he didn’t respond. I was getting anxious, wondering if I’d said something wrong, when Sang Heo raised his head stiffly and looked me straight in the eye.

“…Isn’t it just one question per game?”

My head snapped up like someone had slapped me on the back of the head.

“Yeah, that’s right. Then I guess I’ll have to ask you another one next week.”

“No. Let’s play one more game.”

“Right now?”

“Yeah… Is it ok…?”

What on earth? The child, who’d been so busy running away that he couldn’t even make eye contact with me a moment ago, had suddenly become very bold. His eyes sparkled like a puppy with a treat before him. But I was so happy that I readily agreed, not realizing how late it’d become.

“If you’re asking, then I guess I have to oblige.”

“This time, I’m going to win.”

“And what if I miss the last bus home while we’re playing?”

“…You can just sleep over.”

Did he want to beat me that badly? 

Unfortunately, Sang didn’t win. His losing streak continued for a month. Even though he lost each time, he wasn’t discouraged at all. And I liked that the more we continued to play, the more I learned about him.

Sang Heo was derived from ‘seori,’ the Chinese character for ‘frost’. I was surprised to hear that he was 13, only three years younger than me. I thought he was much younger than that because he was so small for his age. He also said that he wanted to be a hunter in the future. When I asked him why, he stiffly replied that he didn’t want to worry about money. 

Sang Heo still hadn’t found out anything about me. He didn’t know that my real name was Hajae Shin, and what would he say when he found out that we were only three years apart? I wouldn’t be able to hear him call me ‘teacher’ anymore.

In any case, I lost track of time while playing chess with Sang Heo.

“Let’s play one more game.”

“Sang-ah, teacher has to go now….”

“Can’t you sleep over again today?”

He didn’t hesitate to ask now. I sometimes wondered if his anxiety to win the game was just because he wanted to win or because he wanted to know more about me. I hoped it was the latter. 

Of course, I had no desire to lose. Still, his skills were quickly catching up with mine, which was a bit nerve-wracking. Perhaps a week from now, I could lose for the first time.

“It’s too bad. I won again~”

Sang Heo sighed as he picked up the white king before humming cheekily.

“But now you have nothing left to ask me, do you, teacher?”

“Eh, I still have a few things left.”

I clenched my jaw and thought for a moment, then spoke up.

“Then, Sang-ah.”

“Yes?”

“Is there anything bothering you these days?”

I wanted to ask him about his day-to-day life, that I didn’t know much about since I didn’t work at the orphanage. I wanted to ask him if he was making friends with the other kids, whether he was sleeping okay, and whether he had any issues with his family. He might shut down if I asked him such a straightforward question, though.

But maybe I was too cautious.

“…You, teacher.”

The answer came back unexpectedly.

“Hm?”

Let’s not panic too much. He was on my mind these days, too, but that probably doesn’t mean anything.

“Haha, is that so?”

I didn’t want to make things even more awkward by asking what he meant, so I brushed it off, hoping my quick exit wouldn’t make me look like I was running away.

****

Contrary to my worries that it might become awkward after that, Sang acted as usual. In fact, we became closer. Sang, who had completely let down his guard, treated me like his older brother and depended on me.

Was that the problem? These days, when I think about that kid, I feel strangely nauseous. It was very different from motion sickness. I keep smiling as if someone is tickling my insides with foxtails. Every day, as I walk down the street, I look forward to the days I volunteer and think about what I’ll do next with that kid.

At one point, I was so wrapped up in my thoughts about him at school that I didn’t even notice the soccer ball flying towards me until it hit me head-on. Even though my head was pounding and my nose was bleeding, I just laughed like an idiot. The class president, who witnessed it, twitched the corner of his mouth and poked me in the side.

“Hey, do you like someone?”

I’d woken up with a bloody tissue stuck up my nose and…

Ah, that was the foxtail that was bothering me.

At first, I just wanted to comfort a lonely child. But now he was actually comforting me. Sang Heo was why I could finally look forward to another day after enduring days that were dull and nights that were lonely.

Okay. It was from then. I’d wanted all the children at the orphanage to be happy, but the moment I thought about how I wanted that child to be happy ‘by my side’ and how I wanted to be the reason he smiled, it was from then. I wish I were in Sang-ee’s future.

I never knew why I had such selfish feelings.

“Wow. I guess it’s true!”

As I blinked blankly, the class president slapped me and started making a fuss.

“Ooohhhhh, who is it? Which class?”

“…They don’t go to our school.”

“Where’d you meet?”

We met at a cathedral on a cliff with rolling waves. He was sitting alone under a sunny window in a quiet classroom. At first, I thought he’d prick up like a wary stray cat, but before I knew it, he was following only me around.

“After school academy? Your neighborhood?”

“It’s a secret.”

Only me. Me alone.

“You’re being so secretive. They pretty?”

“…They’re pretty, of course.”

“With a nice body?”

“Hm?”

“I’m asking if she’s got a nice rack!”

“….A nice rack?”

Suddenly, I was speechless. Ah. The class president definitely thinks the person I like is a girl. Okay, that was natural. Maybe I’m weird, but it doesn’t matter.

At sixteen, I was so excited at the thought of liking someone for the first time. Of course, I didn’t want to mess up our routine, so I didn’t reveal it to Sang.

“Well, it’s unfortunate, but…. this time, too…”

As usual, we played chess and had trivial conversations.

“Checkmate.”

I was always the one who won.

“How do you always win?”

Sang, who’d been looking at the chessboard for a long time as if he were playing a game, asked in a sighing voice. Honestly, in terms of chess skills alone, Sang had already surpassed me. But I had a foolproof way to win.

“I know your habits.”

“My habits?”

“Yes. I just observe you, and I can figure out your next move and keep winning.”

“What are my habits?”

“Haha, I can’t tell you. That’s how I win.”

He would deny it, but Sang had several habits that only appeared when playing chess.

First, when moving a knight, he places it between his index and middle finger. Watching the hand move nimbly to catch my knight, it looks like a bird snatching a fish from the water’s surface. And when he’s sure he’ll win, he unconsciously taps the chessboard twice. When he does that, I know to move my king quickly to avoid being trapped by a dangerous move.

“Didn’t I tell you that if you understand your opponent in chess, you’ll definitely win?”

I raised the corner of my lip in a sly smile, but Sang shook his head, unable to understand.

“Anyway, I can tell it’s you just by looking at your hand movements when you play.”

“…Don’t lie. It’s not that obvious.”

“It’s true! Even if you covered your face, I’d recognize you by your hands.”

I wasn’t exaggerating. Even if it didn’t have anything to do with his habits per say, his thin, elongated fingers were also uncommon. I also knew that Sang had two tiny freckles, side by side, on the third joint of his index finger. But I discovered this by chance while observing his beautiful hands, so I kept it a secret.

“You’re watching me more closely than the chessboard.”

Honestly, I was looking at him too much. But isn’t it human nature to be drawn to beautiful things? I was just honoring my instincts.

“Of course. I’m always looking at you.”

As I diligently rationalized in my head and organized the chess pieces on the board, I heard faint muttering in front of me.

“Why on earth do you keep saying that…?”

“Hm?”

“Never mind. So what are you going to ask me this time?”

I thought for a moment and then changed my mind mid-thought. 

“Hmm… I think I’ll save my question for another time.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’ll ask you another time.”

Pretty soon, I wouldn’t be able to beat him at chess. And once that happens, even if I really wanted to ask him something, he’d probably avoid it, saying he’d only answer if I won. So, this is kind of like an insurance policy.

Instead of asking for permission, I just stared intently into Sang’s eyes until he slowly averted his gaze.

“How rude of you.”

“Do you hate me for that?”

“……No.”

His cheeks were a pretty sunset color today, too.

****

On my way home, I stopped by the break room to pick up something I’d forgotten. Some of the volunteers hadn’t left work yet and were still sitting around chatting. I had something important to talk to them about, but just as I was about to knock on the door, I heard a snippet of their conversation.

….They were discussing Sang Heo’s background.

“So his parents were chased by a loan shark and had eventually had enough.”

Chased by loan sharks for their gambling debts, it turns out his parents had eventually committed suicide, leaving their only child behind. Sang was told it was an accidental death out of fear of traumatizing the kid, but a will was recovered from the car they’d driven themselves off a cliff in.

Sang Heo, who was still a minor, should’ve gone to a relative’s house, but none of his relatives would take him in for fear that the loan sharks would come looking for them. Eventually, after bouncing around from house to house, he ended up at the orphanage run by Jeongdong Cathedral.

Hearing his story reminded me of when I asked him about his future hopes.

‘What do you want to be when you grow up?’

‘A hunter.’

‘Oh, that’s surprising. Why a hunter?’

‘…Because I don’t want to worry about money.’

I, who’d known nothing, had laughed it off, saying he was very realistic, but it was no laughing matter to him. After learning the truth, I understood why he’d been quiet since he came to the nursery. I’m sure no one would believe me or want to talk to me if I were him.

I couldn’t get the story out of my head for the rest of the day. The feeling that I wanted to be good to him and become a part of his family became even stronger. 

“I….Is that ok?”

Will there come a day when I can open my heart to that kid? What should I do if I want to confess? Would it be a good idea to save up my little pocket money and get him a gift?

Would it make a difference either way?

My head started hurting from useless thoughts, so I asked for help.

“Dad.”

My father, eating across from me, smiled and looked up.

“What is it, my son?”

“Dad, do you remember your first love?”

At that moment, my father’s eyes quickly wavered.

“What, all of a sudden, what are you…?”

“I was wondering how you felt when you met your first love…”

Feeling embarrassed somehow, I let out an awkward laugh and lowered my gaze to the floor.

“When you just run into each other, your heart starts pounding, and you think about that person all day long?”

Dad didn’t say anything. Is it because I brought up an old story for no reason? Oh, it could be that he can’t say it out loud so readily because his first love wasn’t Mom. I just wanted to get some advice on what to do next.

 “I just…”

“Hajae.”

Clack—.

I hear the sound of a spoon being put down.

“You, haven’t found someone you like… have you?”

My heart sank. If confessing it to my dad is like this, what would happen if I confessed in front of Sang? Right now, I’m still pretending to be an adult by putting on a teacher’s mask, but what if that quick-witted kid discovers my childlike nature?

“That’s…..”

I bit my lip. I didn’t know what to say, so I wiggled my fingers and slowly raised my eyes. But my father’s complexion was pale, as if he’d seen a ghost.

“Dad…?”

Why are you like that? Did I say something I shouldn’t have said? Usually, when you say there’s someone you like, wouldn’t you be curious and make a fuss like the class president? After all, it’s your son’s first love…

“Hajae. I’m asking you. Is there someone you like?”

My father’s stern face was scary. No matter what I do, he’s never that angry, so it’s strange. I swallowed dry saliva without realizing it and shook my head.

“I-It’s not that. It’s just because I was curious.”

Only then did my father relax and let out a sigh of relief.

“That’s what it was? Wow, you surprised me.”

After that, the meal ended in silence.

I couldn’t understand my dad’s reaction even after thinking about it all day. Wasn’t he acting like I shouldn’t have ‘someone I like’? Is he worried that I might suddenly become distracted at an age when I should be focusing on studying?

But the feelings that’d already settled couldn’t be changed. Even if I decide to try and get rid of my feelings, it isn’t going to happen overnight. Even if others don’t support it, isn’t a father meant to support his son’s love life? I wanted to say that, but I swallowed the words. I didn’t want to cause trouble for someone already working hard to care for me.

I never dreamed that it would be the starting point of all misfortune.

****

One day, just before I entered high school, my dad bought me a nice sweater, saying he’d received a bonus. I gasped when I saw the price tag, but he laughed heartily and said it wasn’t a waste of money to spend on his only son.

“My son. As I thought, it suits you well!”

“Really? I think it’s a bit big.”

“It’s good to wear big clothes while you’re still growing. I had a sudden growth spurt when I was in high school.”

Didn’t my dad say he met my mom in high school and that it was love at first sight? I vaguely remember the story because I heard it when I was young but didn’t ask. I didn’t want to ruin the mood on such a happy day by talking about my mom.

Even after my comment, my dad said I was handsome and good-looking. As he was in the middle of praising me, he suddenly took out his cell phone.

“Hm, I don’t know this number….”

“Answer it anyway, just in case.”

“I guess. I’ll be right back.”

My dad left and went into the living room to answer the phone as I checked my appearance in front of the mirror. Although the sweater was a bit big, it looked neat because it was new, just like Dad said. However, there must be a real reason why I gave a luxury sweater as a gift to someone who mostly wears plain clothes. Maybe he was worried that the kids at school would comment that I grew up inadequately since I was raised in a single-parent household.

“I don’t really care about that….”

I took a deep breath and tidied up my appearance. It was at that moment that strange letters appeared before my eyes.

[‘Destined to Die’ has been transferred from awakened individual Yuyeon Lee.]

Yuyeon Lee. It was a name I couldn’t forget, no matter how hard I tried. Yuyeon Lee was the name of my mother. But… what does ‘destined to die’ mean? The moment I carefully raised my hands and placed them on the words in front of me, I immediately found out their meaning.

Those who receive this curse will die in 10 years.

Until then, no matter what you do, you will be unable to die.

And at the moment of death, the curse will be passed on to the person you love the most.

“…..Passed on?”

A curse that my mom had… was transferred to me. That could only mean one thing.

“Dad.”

When I entered the living room, my father, who’d been staring blankly into space, quickly turned to me. His eyes were unfocused on his pale face. It was the face of someone who’d fallen into the deepest depths of despair. Even if I tried to pretend not to know, I couldn’t.

“Did mom… pass away?”

“How did you….?”

My dad couldn’t hide his flustered face and eventually covered his mouth.

“No way. It’s not…. Hajae. It’s not you, right?”

I couldn’t exactly hear what he was asking, but I sensed what was happening and remained silent. Then, my father collapsed on the floor, shedding the tears he’d been holding back.

“It can’t be. Yuyeon-ah, you promised to give it to me…”

It was a desperate cry.

“You were supposed to love me more, not Hajae!”

Only then did I realize it. My mom had abandoned the family, so why did my father never go after her? Why didn’t he hate her? 

I knew why he looked hurt whenever I said I didn’t like Mom.

My mom left home to prevent the curse from being passed on to me, to try to forget me as her son and to stop loving me.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Hajae.”

The sound of his forced swallowing of sobs rang in my ears, and the hand holding my shoulder trembled unsightly. My dad, who always put on a strong front, cried in front of me for the first time. But I wasn’t sad. Not because I wasn’t sad about the death of my mother, who’d left when I was seven.

“Dad. I’m okay.”

I was the person my mom loved the most before she died. It made me happy to know that.

“Really… I’m okay.”

It felt like salvation. My mom didn’t leave me because she hated me or thought I was a burden; she left because she truly loved me. And my mom’s curse came to me because she couldn’t forget me even after ten years.

‘Hajae. Mom is leaving because she loves you.’

The words she uttered as she left me were not a contradiction but the complete truth.

From that day on, I brought out each remaining trace of my mom that I’d locked away in my attempt to erase her memory. When reorganizing the house where she’d lived alone, I hoped to find a will, but my dad flatly said there wasn’t one. So, I carefully placed her remaining items in a drawer.

A week passed like that. I didn’t mind, even though my father’s eyes were occasionally filled with sadness when he looked at me. Above all, the guarantee that I would die in ten years didn’t seem real. Rather, it was amazing to be able to try exercise and see that the asthma that had prevented me from exerting myself since I was young had disappeared.

“Dad, why are you acting like you’re a criminal? We can just be happy that I won’t have to go to the hospital now.”

“Hajae.”

“I don’t think this is a curse.”

I intentionally tried to smile more brightly, but the shadow on my dad’s face did not disappear. I knew that no parent wanted to bury their child. Even so, I thought it’d be enough to live together happily with my dad for at least ten years.

But unfortunately, life didn’t go as planned.

“What…? A hospital…?”

Tragedy struck once again. It’s said that for a happily married couple, when one of them passes away, the remaining spouse would follow them, passing away not long afterward.

As if to prove the theory, ten days after my mom passed away, my dad got into a car accident. When I heard the news and rushed to the hospital, my dad was broken beyond recognition.

After barely holding my hand, my father exhaled heavily and managed to speak.

“Beside the bed…the dresser. …Forgive me, Hajae.”

That was the last time. I was in shock at the sight of my dad passing away right before my eyes, but the moment the staff covered his face with a white cloth, all kinds of emotions poured out.

Please don’t leave me alone. Let me go, too. I’ll die, too. However, less than three seconds after saying those words, I realized.

My reality is that I can’t die. And hell will unfold for me over the next ten years.

“…..I’m home.”

When I returned home after the funeral, I found a small envelope when I opened the dresser.

[To my beloved son,]

It was my mother’s handwriting, with her uniquely elongated vowels. Dad said there was no will, but it turned out that he’d been hiding it all this time. I opened the letter, hoping to find out the last words she’d left for me.

However,

[Haejae. I’m sorry.]

The letter started with an apology,

[And if you truly love someone, please don’t love them.]

With painful regret,

 [Give up… as soon as possible. That’s the last piece of advice your mom can give you.]

All that remained was a warning.

There is probably no one who has never imagined the death of their parents. I was the same way. I vaguely wondered what it would be like if they died someday. I also worried about how sad it would be for me as I continued to live. But it wasn’t as sad as I thought when it came down to it.

It doesn’t feel real.

It seems like my dad will open that front door and come in at any moment. When he saw me lying on the cold floor, he’d say that I was going crazy. I even smell the stew that my dad used to boil every morning in the kitchen as he put all the vegetables from the refrigerator into it.

But no one was beyond that door. No one was coming back. The moment the reality we’d never meet again hit me, the empty feeling inside me started to become suffocating.

I only regret not being able to do better while I was alive. Sadness took a backseat.

It felt like I was in a dream as all the things I couldn’t handle were coming at me all at once.  I hoped I would wake up quickly, but as several days passed, nothing changed. Isn’t it truly a terrible nightmare?

Then, one day, a text message arrived on my dad’s cell phone.

[I haven’t seen you much these days. Is everything ok?]

It was Father Peter, the reverend who’d always taken care of our family. Only then did the things I’d forgotten start to resurface one by one: school, the orphanage, the priests, the children, and…Sang Heo.

I raised my head and looked at the calendar. Today is exactly ten days since I last visited the orphanage. I hope he’s doing well. He must’ve been very worried because I disappeared without saying a word.

As I thought about how Sang had been waiting for me day and night, I finally found the strength to move. It’d been a long time since I showered and ate something. The kimchi and spinach that had already spoiled had no taste whatsoever.

After barely avoiding appearing like a homeless person, I headed to the cathedral.

 “Teacher!”

Sang came running from far away and hugged me. He seems a little bigger since I last saw him.  No, maybe I’m just weaker and shabbier. It’d been so long since I felt the warmth of another person that I remained still for a long time.

Then Sang spoke worriedly.

“What happened?”

I laughed hard, holding back the tears that threatened to burst out.

“I was a little busy because it was exam period.”

“Did you do well on your exams?”

“Of course.”

My lips were trembling, and my voice was quiet. Anyone could see that it’s a lie. But Sang didn’t pry. He spoke sweetly, rubbing my back with his calm hand as if he knew everything.

“Didn’t you miss me?”

At that moment, my heart sank. I realized that I could never go back to my normal life again. Okay. This feeling constricting my heart is not excitement at all. It can’t be excitement. It could no longer be exciting. This is probably fear.

“Teacher?”

“Oh, yeah. I missed you. Of course.”

Sang smiled shyly and held the hem of my clothes tightly.

“I missed you too.”

Looking into those soft black eyes made me feel sick. Why didn’t I notice it sooner? The way I look at that child and the way that child looks at me are the same.

No, it would’ve been better if I’d never noticed.

‘You, haven’t found someone you like… have you?’

Now I understand why my dad asked me so interrogatively.

‘It can’t be. Yuyeon-ah, you promised to give it to me…’

‘You were supposed to love me more, not Hajae!’

It wasn’t foxtails that were tickling my chest all along, it was parasites. Without me knowing, they consumed my heart and completely coiled themselves up. I should’ve realized that youth is a luxury and gotten rid of it long ago.

‘If you truly love someone, please don’t love them.’

Right away.

****

The gloomy weather that’d lasted for several days seemed to change my mood. Still, I went to see Sang. If I didn’t do that, I felt like I would end up back in the corner of my room, pressed against the floor.

But… is this okay? Shouldn’t I stop seeing him? I can’t trample the feelings that have already sprouted, so is it okay for me to see him every day?

Is it okay for us to get closer day by day?

It was a time when meaningless worries filled my head. 

Tuk―.

“Huh?”

The king in front of me fell. While I was lost in other thoughts, Sang captured my king.

“…I won just now, right? Right?”

“Wow, this is crazy.”

“Yes!” 

Seeing Sang jump up with a cheer and clench his fists in pure joy made the distracting thoughts disturbing my mind disappear like snow.

Okay. Let’s enjoy this moment just a little, just a little. Like a reporter who captures this day in their mind, a day I will never return to. I can just pretend that this feeling is friendship.

“Oh, I let my guard down.”

I pretended to be angry and calmly waited for Sang to ask me his question.

But instead of asking, Sang stared at me without opening his mouth. I felt a bit nervous because I felt like I was being interrogated.

“I’m so nervous. Is this how you always felt?”

“Do you understand now?”

“…Yeah. Totally.”

As I nodded slowly, the corner of Sang’s mouth went up slightly.

“Ok, I’ll ask my question.”

What are you going to ask? My real name? Or my age? Where do I live? What do I do for work? What is my favorite food? I am willing to answer any question with sincerity. Soon, Sang cleared his throat and carefully opened his mouth.

“Teacher.”

“Yes.”

“Is there someone you like?”

For an instant, my expression hardened.

Among the many questions, why is it love?  And why can’t I answer readily? It could just be taken as a joke like a student asking a teacher to tell him about his first love. Why are you hesitating?

The longer the silence lasted, the more stiff Sang’s expression became. The black eyes flickered more than usual as they looked to see what answer I would give. But no matter what Sang imagines, I won’t be able to give him the answer he wants. No, I won’t.

 “There’s no one I like.”

 “Really?”

“Yeah…and there won’t be in the future.”

His face, which had been bright for a moment, suddenly darkened as soon as I added the following words.

 “……Why?”

 No matter how much he asked, there was no way I could tell him the reason.

 “Wasn’t there one question per game?”

 “…Then let’s play one more round.”

“Oh, you’re confident you’ll win?”

I tried to say it jokingly, but there was no smile on the corner of Sang’s mouth.

I don’t want the atmosphere to become heavy. I want to put serious talk aside, forget dark family stories or curses, and focus solely on the present. However, Sang didn’t seem to want to ignore this topic. Then, there was nothing I could do. I have no choice but to gloss over it with the carefree attitude of an adult who’s lived for three extra years.

“But what can I do? I have to leave for today.”

“…How rude.”

Even if you accuse me of cowardice, I have nothing to say since it’s the right thing to do. Even though I was giggling, I glanced closely at him.

“Do you hate me for that?”

When I asked this, Sang always adamantly denied it. Every time, he looked to the side as if he was embarrassed for some reason, and his reaction was so cute that I kept looking at him without realizing it. But for some reason, Sang didn’t give any answer as to what he was thinking.

Are you really angry…?

“Then I’ll go.”

When I quietly got up from my seat and opened the classroom door, a calm voice called me out.

“Teacher.”

“Hm?”

“Can you stop asking that now?”

Could he tell that I was enjoying myself when I observed his reaction? Or does he really hate me now?

“Why?”

Even though I tried to pretend it was nothing and asked why, many thoughts came to mind.

Unlike me, who was nervous, Sang spoke without blinking.

“Because I could never hate you.”

I’d momentarily forgotten it. But Sang has a talent for saying great things in a calm tone.

“Haha, …it’s difficult if you like your teacher.”

Once again, I had to laugh.

****

I turned around on my way to the bus stop and headed towards the cliff in front of the cathedral. Whenever I felt uneasy, I would always come here to organize my thoughts. But today, no matter how much I listened to the sound of the waves, I couldn’t calm down.

The moon had already risen in the dark sky, but no light appeared in my heart.

‘Teacher. Is there anyone you like?’

I can’t love someone until I die. No, you shouldn’t love. After reading my mother’s will, I decided to embrace this curse and not pass it on to anyone else.

But I hesitated to answer that straightforward question. The word “no” did not come out, as if a stone were stuck in my throat.

Why? Why did I hesitate?

‘Is there anything that’s bothering you these days?’

‘……You, teacher.’

At that time, my heart was shaking helplessly. Like a fool, I was so happy Sang might have the same feelings as me. Like any other young person, I searched the internet for things like ‘how to confess to your crush’.

But it was no longer a time to be so carefree.

‘Didn’t you miss me?’

What if I had known about the curse a little sooner?

No, what if I could return to before I met Sang Heo?

‘Because I will never end up hating you!

How can I get rid of the feelings that have already been created? Is there a way to do that? Should I just pretend not to know and bury my feelings? Can my feelings for Sang someday be passed off as a simple confusion with the many kinds of love in the world?

“Haha…”

I couldn’t help but laugh.

Now, even if I blame my unfortunate fate, nothing will change.

Swoosh—.

I stood at the cliff’s edge and looked down at the sea quietly. The black waves rushed in without hesitation and chipped away at the rocks. I felt like if I jumped into that place now, all my questions would disappear completely. So, without a moment of hesitation, I jumped into the sea.

Plop—!

I could hear the sound of water drops through my deaf ears. The cold sea slowly took away my body temperature. But why is it still the same in my head? As my hands and feet got colder, my mind became clearer. I wish I could just sink like this. I wish all the feelings I didn’t want to admit would melt away.

Then I think I can end my life happily without loving anyone…

I surrendered myself to the lapping waves and gently closed my eyes.

How much time had passed? Even amid my haze, I faintly heard a sound.

“….each….”

My body shook violently. Unlike the sea that gently wrapped me, it was a rough touch. Is that why? I didn’t want to open my eyes. I just wanted to drift like trash floating in the sea. Who is waking me up like this?

“Johan-hyung!”

I came to my senses when I heard the dry, cracked voice. I struggled to lift my eyelids and saw a pitch-black outline through my whitish vision. Only after my vision gradually returned did I realize that it was Sang. As soon as I saw the wet hair and clothes sticking to his skin, I couldn’t help but burst into laughter.

“Bahah, why do you look like a drowned rat?”

No, it was me who was laughable. Although I had tried hard to erase Sang from my memory, I felt glad to see his face again. It was just that kind of decision—a shallow, brittle decision that only served as lip service.

Unlike me, Sang’s face was horribly distorted. His eyes quickly became red, and it seemed like he’d burst into tears at even the slightest touch.

“……Sang-ah?”

Only then did I realize the seriousness of the situation, so I carefully called out his name. Sang closed his eyes tightly as if holding himself back. Soon, the voice from his pale lips was trembling unsightly.

“Is it because of me?”

“…What are you talking about?”

“Are you doing this because I’m causing trouble?”

“Heeey, of course not! I just ran because it looked cool.”

I don’t like anything serious. I just want to laugh and pass it off. Jumping into the sea was really the only thing that happened. I had no fear because I knew I wouldn’t die anyway. But laughter became poisonous.

Sang, who was usually wary of even touching me, grabbed my collar tightly and screamed.

“Are you crazy? It was lucky I happened to see you; otherwise, you could’ve died!”

“……..”

“Hyung? Are you listening to me?”

Sang, who’d been holding back his emotions, finally burst out. Even at that moment, I was busy observing him. His twisted face, eyes soaked in despair, and trembling lips were incredibly pitiful.

But if I said that seeing him like this made me feel truly loved, knowing someone would cry if I died made me feel reassured…what would he say?

“Don’t worry. I’m not going to die.”

“How can I not worry!”

You’d probably get mad like you are now, and I would store every bit of your angry face in my memory without batting an eye.

“Why are you doing this?”

“…..Sorry.”

“I told you. No matter what you do, I won’t get tired of you. I can’t hate someone who keeps approaching me even though I keep pushing them away.”

A tear clung to his long eyelashes and fell onto my lips. Was the bitterness because of the seawater left in my mouth, or was it the remnants of the emotions I’d cruelly scratched away?

Seeing Sang’s twisted face made me want to hug and comfort him.

“Don’t leave me behind, hyung.”

“…Sang-ah.”

“Don’t abandon me.”

As I slowly reached out my hand, Sang grabbed it tightly and muttered to himself. It was a prayer.

Even when we were at the cathedral for Mass, he never prayed. I thought it was because he didn’t believe in God. But now he was praying to someone who might not even exist…just begging for me not to die.

Watching him, I was convinced.

Someday, I will surely fall in love with Sang. The boy who never showed his emotions was crying and praying for me, someone who couldn’t die. How could my heart not be moved?

“I’m sorry.”

As I reached out with my other hand to wipe his tears, I recalled my mother’s last words.

She’d said that if you truly love someone, don’t love them. Now, I could fully understand the meaning of that contradictory statement. She must’ve felt like this when she saw me clinging to her, begging her not to leave. An indescribable feeling of bitterness and regret.

“And don’t worry.”

So, on that day, a night when the stars were particularly visible, I made up my mind.

“I’m not going anywhere.”

I decided to leave before I really fell for him.

I’ve never wanted to live long. Who knows if my feelings will change when I only have a month left to live, but that’s how I feel right now. I didn’t have a grand bucket list. Unlike my parents, I didn’t dare to fight for others until the day I died. I just wanted to live a regular life and leave quietly.

But there was one thing I hoped for. I wished that at least one person would remember that I existed in this world. Like the well-known saying that a person only truly dies, not when they stop breathing, but when there’s no one left to remember them. I wished there would be at least one person to keep vigil at my memorial.

And I hoped that person would be Sang.

It was the sole desire of someone who’d given up on everything.

****

It has been almost a year since I met Sang. In this short time, many changes have occurred. Most notably, Sang himself had changed the most.

“Pass it over here!”

The boy who used to read old textbooks alone in front of the bookshelf was no longer there. He played soccer with friends before I arrived, and when I wasn’t around, he took care of other kids and ate with them. I was no longer the only connection between Sang and the rest of the world.

Moreover, he became more expressive with his emotions.

“Hyung. I told you I can’t eat spicy food.”

“This isn’t spicy at all. Really.”

“…….I don’t believe you anymore.”

“What? That’s sad.”

When asked about his food preferences, he used to look troubled as if faced with a difficult math problem. But now, he clearly states his likes and dislikes in everything, not just food. It was a significant change, though sometimes it was startling when I became the subject of his affection.

Considering all that, I’m no longer needed.

“Sang-ah. I heard everything.”

“What?”

“I heard someone confessed to you.”

Sang could quickly form new connections.

“I’m not interested.”

“Why? She seemed cute.”

“…Is that your type, hyung?”

“No, I prefer someone older.”

“…Someone older..”

With his good looks and personality, he could easily find a suitable male or female partner. However, I hoped he would find someone who could heal the wounds given by his parents. If he could live happily ever after and occasionally remember, ‘there was someone like that,’ I wouldn’t ask for more.

“Me, too….”

“Hm?”

“People say that I’m mature for my age.”

He should gradually forget me.

“Well, you grew up too fast. You’ve always been completely self-indulgent, both when you were young and now.”

“…That’s not what I meant.”

I should remain a person of the past.

“Hyung. You know already, right?”

“What?”

“…..Never mind.”

I had to leave. I can’t delay it any longer.

But my feet didn’t move easily. If I leave now, I’d be no different from his parents. I’d be a selfish person who gave affection as they pleased and then abandoned Sang without taking any responsibility. I wanted to be at least better than his parents.

It was when I saw a story on the news by chance that I had an idea.

Two days ago, an incident occurred at a building in Sinchon. Someone had jumped, and their reasoning was to ‘awaken.’ Recently, more people have attempted peculiar actions to fulfill awakening conditions.

Anyone could use their abilities if they became awakened. However, to awaken an ability, specific conditions had to be met. Moreover, the conditions varied for each person and could never be known in advance.

Some people easily awakened just by turning twenty, while others had to fulfill more extreme conditions, such as falling 229 feet. As a result, many people gave up on awakening and chose to live ordinary lives, while others committed self-destructive acts to awaken.

My awakening condition was simple—it was activated simply by me tripping over a stone. But the ability I gained that day was anything but ordinary.

[Awakening condition met.]

[Awakened Hajae Shin has acquired ‘Pioneer of the Unknown().’]

An ability with no rank indicated was truly useful.

[The ability to see the conditions to awaken hidden abilities.]

I could see people’s awakening conditions. The moment my father learned about my ability, he firmly warned me.

‘Hajae. Never recklessly awaken someone. Don’t tell anyone about your ability. Do you understand?’

Of course, it would be great if many people awakened and used their abilities for good, but my father, who’d worked as a hunter for a long time, knew the reality. It wasn’t all positive.

What if the person I awakened grew up to be a ruthless murderer? What if a war broke out because of that? To my father, preventing one villain from being born was more important than awakening ten heroes. So, he decided to protect me even if it meant deceiving the association.

Understanding my father’s feelings, I lived as if my ability didn’t exist. But finally, I found a way to use my ability.

“Sang-ah. You said you wanted to be a hunter before…. Do you still feel that way?”

“Yes. Well, as long as I can support myself, I don’t care what it is. But I can’t stay at the orphanage forever.”

I could help fulfill Sang Heo’s dream.

“Why?”

“Just curious.”

“What’s your dream, hyung?”

“Hmm. To live happily and for a long time.”

When I smiled, Sang Heo pouted as if finding it uninteresting.

“What is that….?”

“Is it too ordinary? But that has always been my dream.”

I’m serious. Sang-ah. Isn’t a dream something that can’t be realized in reality?

That night, when I said I would sleep at the orphanage, Sang couldn’t hide his joy. We had dinner together, played chess, and had a cube-solving contest for the first time in a while. 

Before we knew it, it was dawn.

When I followed him to his room, two blankets were laid out side by side. I felt like an excited child on a school trip. As I jumped into the cozy blanket, Sang Heo let out a small laugh.

“But why did you suddenly decide to stay over?”

“I heard you’ve been having nightmares lately. I’m worried.”

“Ah…..”

Glancing beside me, I saw Sang lying on his back, staring at the ceiling. Perhaps because the night sky was clear, the moonlight streaming in through the window was particularly bright. Thanks to that, even though the room was dark, I could see his face full of sorrow.

“Can you tell me what the dreams are about?”

I was nervous, thinking it might be a dream related to his parents, but the answer was completely different.

“…It’s a dream where you jump off a cliff and never resurface.”

Was it the day we both ended up looking like drowned rats? An ordinary person would’ve required hospitalization for hypothermia, but I had no issues. However, it seemed that day existed as a trauma for Sang.

I muttered jokingly, trying to alleviate some of the worries.

“It’s just a silly dream.”

“Hyung. I’m serious.”

“Yeah. Me too.”

Turning to the side where Sang was, I wrinkled my nose and smiled.

“In reality, you saved my life. So, it’s just a silly dream.”

Even I found it ridiculous. Sang, who had been staring at the ceiling for a long time, glanced at me and let out a deep sigh. It seemed he had a lot to say, so I deliberately acted more shamelessly.

“How about it? No more nightmares now, right?”

“…You’re really carefree, aren’t you?”

“Of course, that’s my strong point.”

When I grinned widely, Sang shook his head as if he’d given up. But seeing the smile across his face, it seemed he wasn’t really angry. Although it was fun joking around like this, there was something I needed to do today.

I had to check his awakening conditions. To use my ability, ‘Pioneer of the Unknown,’ there were a few things I needed to confirm.

First, there should be no one within 5 meters.

“This room is bigger than I thought.”

“The priest was really considerate of me and gave me a large room.”

And I had to be in contact with the subject.

“It’s a bit cold, isn’t it?”

“…What?”

Naturally, I lifted his blanket and quickly lay down beside him. Sang’s face appeared very close as I lifted my head under the same blanket. That was the first time I noticed his black eyes glistening navy blue under the moonlight.

As I temporarily forgot my purpose and stared at him, Sang’s cheeks turned red in real time.

“W-What…”

I grabbed his hand under the blanket as he tried to sneak away.

“Hey. Why are your hands so cold?”

They felt like ice. When he held my hand and prayed before, my body temperature was much lower because I had been in the sea, so I hadn’t noticed. I never thought his hands would be this cold usually. Moreover, his face was red as if it would explode, but his body temperature was low, which was somehow fascinating and cute.

“Hyung, why are you doing this suddenly?… You’re teasing me again, right?”

His eyes rolled aimlessly. Seeing his lips unable to move and his throat gulping down dryly, I felt a bit sorry. But it was a necessary process to check the awakening conditions.

“I told you, it’s cold.”

“It’s still autumn….”

“I get cold easily.”

“Hyung!”

When I whispered for him to be quiet since everyone might wake up, Sang shut his mouth tightly.

I was frustrated, too. Even though all the conditions were met, nothing showed up. Was something missing? Or do I need to get closer? There were no such conditions, though.

With a mindset of trying anything, I pressed myself against him, almost hugging him, and abruptly leaned my face in. I could feel his body tense up through our touching skin. It was just before our noses almost touched.

[Activating ‘Pioneer of the Unknown().’]

[Would you like to view the awakening conditions for the unawakened ‘Sang Heo’?]

It worked! I was both curious and worried about using the ability for the first time and whether Sang’s awakening conditions would be difficult. Trying to hide my nervousness, I blinked to signal affirmation, and a short sentence appeared.

[‘Experience separation from a precious person.’]

Huh. A chuckle escaped my lips unconsciously. The corners of my mouth twitched upward. I had to act like nothing had happened, but I couldn’t hide my bewilderment. As the letters disappeared, my distorted face reflected in his clear eyes.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah….”

Afraid of being found out, I quickly turned my back and pulled the blanket over my head.

“It won’t work, you’re freezing. You’ll give me a cold.”

“Huh?”

“See, I told you the blanket is the best.”

Separation from a precious person. Should I be thankful that he didn’t awaken after losing his parents? While I was glad there was something I could do, I felt a complicated mix of emotions. It’s not arrogance, but I’m the only person who fits Sang’s awakening conditions right now.

This must be a chance God is giving me to atone.

“Goodnight, Sang-ah.”

Or maybe it’s a perfect excuse for me to leave Sang’s side.

****

Peaceful tranquility envelops the cathedral as winter arrives. The once vibrant trees and flowers, now covered in snow, have lost their colors. The sky is blue, the sea is deep, and the land is white. The landscape, reduced to blue and white, might seem monotonous, but I loved even the simplicity of winter.

Perhaps that’s why I was captivated by the child born in winter whose name meant ‘frost’.

“They said it would snow, but it’s just dry.”

“Right. There’s even a sign warning about fire hazards on the mountain path next to the cathedral.”

I took a deep breath and felt the cold winter air fill my lungs. I couldn’t remember the last time I inhaled such refreshing air. Thanks to the suddenly clear weather after days of gloom, even the sky seemed to celebrate Sang’s birthday today.

“So, how was today? Everyone prepared a lot.”

“…Honestly, I was surprised. I didn’t expect so many people to come and congratulate me.”

“Haha, see, I wasn’t the only one eager to throw you a surprise party.”

Seeing everyone congratulate Sang made me feel both proud and bitter. I wouldn’t be here for his birthday next year.

“Wow…! Look at that sunset.”

We headed towards the cliff over the sea to get a closer look at the reddened sky. As I walked confidently to the edge, Sang suddenly grabbed my wrist. He pulled so hard that my body staggered back.

“Ouch.” 

I turned around, pretending to be in pain, and met his anxious eyes.

“Sang-ah. You’re going to leave marks on my wrist.”

“Sorry. But….”

“It’s fine. Come here and take a look.”

I understood his fear but wanted to show him the view that could only be seen from the cliff. When I gently pulled his wrist, he obediently followed. Standing at the cliff’s edge, we watched the sun slowly sink below the horizon.

“Isn’t it beautiful? Whenever I had too much on my mind, I came here to clear my head.”

“…It’s too dangerous.”

“But it’s refreshing. You can’t see anything else, just the sea and the sky.”

A cold sea breeze blew. But Sang’s hand was even colder. Feeling somehow disappointed, I glanced sideways and met his gaze. He was looking at me, not the sunset I had brought you here to see. A helpless laugh escaped me, and my heart fluttered for some reason.

“Stay here for a moment.”

When I let go of his hand and turned around, Sang immediately followed.

“Huh? Where are you going?”

“I’ll be back soon. I forgot something.”

“Let me go with you, then.”

“No, it’s fine. I’ll be quick.”

Waving my hand as I ran, Sang stood there like a puppy waiting for its master.

To avoid more unnecessary worry, I hurried into the cathedral’s lounge. I opened a locker in the corner and took out a paper bag I had prepared in advance. The knot, tied tightly like a shoelace, looked good, considering I didn’t know how to tie a ribbon properly.

“…Will he like it…?”

I hoped he would cherish it. This is both a birthday gift and a farewell gift for Sang.

Although I hadn’t told anyone yet, I was leaving on the first train at dawn today. And I wouldn’t come back. I would cut off all contact. Everyone knows me by my baptismal name, Johan, and I hadn’t listed my residence, so no one would be able to find me. Like the dew that disappears with the morning, I would vanish completely.

I had planned to leave earlier, but human greed knows no bounds. I kept delaying it, telling myself just ‘one more month’ until finally, winter had arrived. Seeing the snow-covered landscape in the morning made me shiver at my foolishness.

Now, I really had to leave. Still, I had to avoid leaving on the day Sang should be happiest, so I chose the day after his birthday. I questioned whether this was the right choice many times, but it was too late to argue about right and wrong. Even if it’s the worst thing I could do, it was also the best choice for both of us.

I was eager to give him the gift, so I ran towards the door.

Thump—!

“Ouch….”

I had been looking only forward and didn’t notice someone coming from the side until we collided. My nose tingled from the impact of his arm or stomach, but I immediately checked the gift I was holding. Fortunately, the bag wasn’t crumpled. After a sigh of relief, I looked at the person I had bumped into.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Are you hurt anywhere?”

It was a face I’d never seen before. Was he new to the cathedral? Even though I apologized, he just stared at me blankly. He must’ve been quite surprised by someone’s sudden appearance. Anyway, since he didn’t seem hurt, I quickly said goodbye and continued on my way.

When I came out, Sang was standing by the path next to the cathedral.

“Sang-ah. What are you doing there?”

Sang, staring intently at something, finally turned towards me.

“Ah, I thought I heard something down there.”

“Huh?”

It was the path to the storage room. Thinking it might be a stray cat, I approached. But the path was empty. Maybe he had tried to follow me into the cathedral, and he had just made an excuse when we bumped into each other. ……No, that couldn’t be it.

I murmured softly on purpose, standing next to Sang, who was staring into space.

“Could it be a ghost?”

“Hyung, this is a church.”

“Haha, I was just kidding.”

Naturally, I handed him the paper bag to change the subject.

“Here, take this.”

“What is it?”

“Open it and see.”

Why was he so suspicious even when I gave it to him? Sang, slightly nervous, took the bag and untied the ribbon around the handles. As soon as he saw what was inside, his eyes widened in surprise.

“Hyung…”

“It’s called a ‘Megaminx Cube’. Isn’t it amazing?”

Just like when we first met, I gave him a cube. A dodecahedron cube was something I couldn’t even attempt, but I knew Sang would figure it out quickly. He stared at the cube silently, and I felt awkward, so I started rambling.

“I wanted to buy you something expensive but didn’t know what you wanted. So I thought about it for a long time and ended up buying this. I didn’t choose it randomly. So…”

“I know.”

Sang took a step forward and hugged me with both arms. I had never been this flustered in front of him before, but this time, I was caught off guard. I stood there, not knowing whether to hug him back or push him away, while he buried his face in my shoulder.

“Thank you, hyung.”

When did he get so tall? When we first met just a year ago, he was a head shorter than me. He might even grow taller than me in the future. Anyway, I was glad. I was grateful that I could remain a dependable teacher and hyung until the end.

“Do you like it?”

“Yes, it’s the best gift I’ve ever received.”

I felt the strong heartbeat from our chests pressed together. I couldn’t tell whose it was, and I didn’t want to know. I wished my heart would stop here so my true feelings, hidden behind playful laughter, would never be revealed.

“Wow, you’re getting good at saying nice things.”

“I’m not just saying it.”

“I know. You’ve always been serious.”

And I always joked around with you.

“Hyung…”

“Yes?”

“You’ll stay with me, right?”

See? I’m lying even right now.

“Of course I will.”

****

Sang, who’d been chatting until dawn, eventually fell asleep. He seemed to be smiling gently, no longer troubled by nightmares. Meanwhile, I wrote a letter and placed it by his bedside. I couldn’t leave without a word, as he would surely come looking for me.

[Sang-ah. I’m writing this in case you get worried when you wake up and find me gone. Due to my family circumstances, I have to leave and go far away. I couldn’t tell you in person, so I’m leaving this letter. Thank you for everything, and take care.]

I stopped myself from writing that I’d send another letter if I got the chance. Knowing Sang, he would wait forever for a letter that would never come. If he ever hears news about me, it will be the obituary that comes seven years from now.

“…Take care.”

With that last goodbye, I left the room. After leaving a letter for the priest who had looked after me, I finished all my arrangements. My steps were surprisingly light. It wasn’t a farewell but an escape.

It was still dawn, the sky a pale gray. I headed for the bus stop to catch the first bus to the terminal. The bus was more crowded than I expected. I sat in the very back and stared endlessly at the church fading into the distance.

I thought I could escape smoothly.

Screech—! 

Bang—!

It was unclear whether the brakes failed. The bus swerved on the curve and crashed into the guardrail. Unable to withstand the speed, the bus flew over the cliff. 

Inside the bus, it was utter chaos. 

People were thrown from their seats, hitting the front windshield, and those trying to hold onto the handles fell. 

Before I could comprehend what was happening, I hit the door and lost consciousness.

“Ugh…”

How long was I out? I woke up coughing from the suffocating stench of gasoline. The first thing I saw was thick gray smoke everywhere. 

The fuel tank must have exploded, causing a fire upon impact. Everything visible was engulfed in flames, turning the scene into hell.

To make matters worse, I couldn’t open one eye. Glass shards had pierced it, and my broken arm was numb. The flames crept closer, ready to consume me, but I stayed calm and surveyed my surroundings.

“Hello…?”

I called out to the person sitting across from me, but there was no response. I tried talking to the person behind me and the driver, but the bus remained silent. The thick gray smoke obscured my vision, but I could sense the hopelessness. No ordinary person could’ve survived such a catastrophic accident.

I wanted to collapse and sleep, but I had to move. Even if the flames devoured me, I would survive. But I had to avoid being found and taken to the hospital. I didn’t want the world to know about the curse within me. My mom also probably would’ve had to avoid hospitals and receive treatment from fellow awakeners. But I had no such friends.

Dragging my injured body, I climbed out through a broken window. A banner nearby, warning about forest fires, was burning fiercely. I walked and walked, dodging the flames. Each step with my left foot made my broken ribs scream, but I couldn’t stop. I had to find a quiet place to hide.

Limping down the mountain path, I saw a small village. The sight of the sign saying ‘Inn’ filled me with relief. Miraculously, there was also a donation bin there, so I grabbed some clothes out of there and changed into them, covered my tattered face, and entered the inn.

Jingle—.

The bell rang as the door opened, and the owner, emerging from a side room, froze at the sight of me. Wrapped in ragged clothes, I must’ve looked like a beggar. The cautious look in his eyes made it clear he was wary.

“How long will you be staying?”

“As… long as possible…”

For some reason, my voice wouldn’t come out properly. Realizing something was off, the owner tossed me a key and quickly shut the side door. 

I stayed in the most run-down room at the end of the corridor.

I slept for three days straight on a musty floor covered with a frayed blanket. I woke up occasionally from hunger but was too weak to move a finger. The pain of my burned skin and shattered bones was secondary.

I learned my exact condition five days after the accident.

I went to wash my face and was shocked by my reflection in the mirror. Glass shards were stuck in my neck, broken ribs protruded through charred skin, and my arm hung limply. Most shocking was my face, flattened by the bus floor, looking as if it were consumed by sorrow.

To still be alive in this state—I was a true monster.

I had to return home for treatment. Once again, I donned the ragged clothes and left the room. The owner nervously gulped when he saw me after nearly a week. Fearful, he didn’t even demand the room fee.

I took out all my money and placed it on the counter, scribbling on a notepad.

[Taxi]

Recognizing my scribbled words, the owner hurriedly called for a taxi. As he made the call, the morning news was playing on TV. Behind the serious-faced anchor, a familiar scene appeared.

A bus burned black, ash swirling among skeletal trees.

<Jeongdong Town Bus Major Accident: Driver and Six Passengers Confirmed Dead.>

Everyone dead. Seeing that text on the screen, I fled the inn.

When I returned home, I frantically searched the community for one thing: a remedy. I bought any cure made by hunters with healing abilities, regardless of whether it was C-grade or B-grade.

Naturally, it cost a fortune. In the end, I even touched my parents’ life insurance money, something I never wanted to use. But with broken ribs piercing through burnt skin, what choice did I have?

After that, I consumed the remedies that arrived from all over the country without missing a day. Gradually, the house filled with bottles without labels, looking like an alcoholic’s room. Sometimes, I wished I could numb myself with alcohol. The pain of my bones realigning and my burnt skin regenerating was indescribable.

Every day was hell. But I endured. I couldn’t die, so I had no choice but to endure. And finally, exactly a month later, my body had fully healed. However, there was no trace of my former self.

“Haha, I really look like a different person.”

My shattered facial bones had mended, altering my features. My voice was now deeper because of damage to my vocal cords, and my hair and skin seemed lighter. I felt like a snake that had shed its skin. It would take time to get used to it, but I couldn’t help but laugh.

“This is actually a good thing…”

Wasn’t this an opportunity? Johan died in that accident, and Hajae Shin was reborn. So, let’s forget everything and start anew. 

This time, I’ll live out my life without loving anyone.

Time seemed to flow particularly quickly since the accident. I turned twenty-six this year. As per my resolve that day, I’ve endured eight years without loving anyone. Though I have only one year left to live, I’m trying my best to live my life.

Climbing a cliff with a ‘risk of fall’ danger sign in broad daylight is what I call living fast.

“What could possibly be out here in this remote mountain….”

Today, I’m hiking again on a request. There’s a herb that only grows at the top of the mountain, so I climbed the steep cliff continuously. When I reached the summit, sweating profusely, a refreshing breeze greeted me. But there was no time to enjoy the scenery. I squatted down and carefully examined likely spots for the herb.

It supposedly grows in cool, shaded areas. I looked under a rock, just in case, and there it was—a small plant no bigger than my finger. I slowly dug out the surrounding soil and carefully harvested the herb to avoid damaging the roots. Today’s request was complete once I put it in a bag and took a photo.

[I’ll leave it in the locker at Exit 1 of Gangnam Station.]

I finally took a deep breath after sending the photo and the message.

“Ha, what a struggle from the morning.”

Who would’ve thought I’d end up doing such things as an adult? I could have made good use of my cursed body like my mother and become a hunter, but I had to hide my ability to see other people’s awakening conditions, so I gave up. There was also the anxiety of potentially facing Sang if I became a hunter.

Nevertheless, I’m satisfied with this job now. I get more requests than expected, and I earn a decent amount of money thanks to that. After covering living expenses, I anonymously donate all of my leftover income to Jeongdong Cathedral.

It’s not purely for the sake of donation. It’s also partly repentance for abandoning Sang at the cathedral that day.

Ding—.

A new open chat appeared. Wondering what the request was this time, I checked it and frowned.

[Hey, do you take requests to photograph hunters, too?]

Who does this guy think he is, speaking to a stranger so informally? I almost got annoyed, but I held back since he’s a client, after all.

[Depends on who it is.]

[You know The Apostles?]

[Yes, I know them.]

[It’s the guild leader, Simeon.]

…Simeon?

The name made me laugh out loud immediately.

Even a regular person like me knows about ‘The Apostles.’ Everyone knows that the guild members hide their faces with masks, so no one knows their identities. Among them, their leader, Simeon, is rumored to be one of the few S-class hunters in the country. Apparently, he can even take down massive monsters with just a few moves… And now this client wants me to take his photo?

[That’s a tough one.]

No way, nothing good will come from getting involved with such a dangerous person.

Besides, I’ve heard rumors related to The Apostles before. A journalist who tried to dig into The Apostles’ secrets disappeared without a trace. They say he was either dragged away and killed or imprisoned at their base… Just ominous speculations abound.

Even though taking a few photos isn’t exactly the same as an investigation, I didn’t want to risk it.

I should just decline…

[I’ll triple your reward.]

…But thinking about it, many people are making money by photographing hunters these days, so I should be fine, too.

[When’s the deadline?]

[Within a month.]

[I’ll need 30% of the payment upfront as a deposit.]

Almost instantly, I received an alert confirming the deposit. The amount was substantial enough to make me smile.

[Confirmed.^^ But, what are you planning to use the photos for?]

The client, who’d been responding diligently, ignored this message.

“Hm, mind your own business… Is that it?”

Well, as long as I get paid on time, I don’t care.

As soon as I came down from the mountain, I took a bus to Gangnam Station. I put the herb in a plastic bag, left it in the predetermined locker, and then sent the client the password. Confirming the client had transferred the remaining payment, I couldn’t resist humming happily to myself.

With that, one job was done, and a more important one had begun.

“Where would I begin to look for  Simeon…?”

If you want to photograph a tiger, you must enter its den, but I didn’t know where that was. Unlike other hunter guilds, The Apostles’ base is shrouded in secrecy. So, to find Simeon, I had to rely on either luck or hard work.

Since I’m notoriously unlucky, I chose the latter.

[Location of the Seoul Hunter Association]

No matter how elusive Simeon is, he’s bound to appear near the Hunter Association at least once.

From that day, I stayed around the building day and night. I think I saw more hunters than I ever had in my lifetime, but Simeon never showed up. I hoped to see an apostle at least, but not a single black mask appeared.

However, there were so many black-haired hunters that it became tiresome. Whenever I saw someone with a neat hairstyle who looked a bit tall, I mistook them for Sang. In one instance, I instinctively followed a hunter who looked very much like Sang from behind, and before I knew what I was doing, I grabbed his wrist.

“Excuse me.”

The man turned around and immediately frowned at me.

“What are you doing?”

“Oh, sorry. I mistook you for someone else.”

The displeased gaze snapped me back to my senses.

What am I doing? Moreover, what if that person had been the real Sang? What was I planning to do by grabbing him? Would I have shamelessly said, ‘Hey, it’s me, Johan. I disappeared on you all those years ago without a word, remember?’

“I must be out of my mind…”

A week passed without any progress, and just when I was about to give up,

<SIMEON SPOTTED UNDER MAPO BRIDGE>.

A tip finally appeared on the hunter’s forum I’d been frequenting. I immediately hailed a taxi to Mapo Bridge. I didn’t know why he suddenly appeared in the middle of the city, but I could only think about getting Simeon’s photo.

“Keep the change!”

Without even looking at how much it cost, I pulled out all the ten thousand won bills in my wallet and handed them to the driver before getting off. I rushed to Han River Park under Mapo Bridge, where a crowd was gathered. After pushing through the crowd, I was met with the fierce glow of yellow eyes.

“Wow…”

It was an A-grade monster. A Salamander. It’d suctioned itself to the underside of Mapo Bridge, its breath ignited everything it touched. Standing opposite it were two hunters in black masks. Without confirming whether one was Simeon, I started taking pictures.

The first to move was a hunter in a frilled dress reaching her ankles. She leaped from the ground and landed on a streetlamp. The metal prosthetic leg under her fluttering skirt shone sharply in the night breeze. Then, she flew like a butterfly and mercilessly struck the salamander clinging to the bridge.

Thud—! 

The lizard hit the ground with a writhing scream.

Screech—! 

As the enraged salamander spewed fire, another hunter below swiftly extended his hand. What blocked the flames was a massive tree. With a simple gesture, the ordinary street tree had grown to the size of a large wall.

A tree that didn’t burn, created by a hunter’s unique ability.

I was mesmerized by the scene, realizing something strange only after a while.

“Huh…?”

The tip said Simeon would be here. But I only saw two apostles. I looked around, thinking I might’ve missed him. At that moment, the salamander’s fire hit the Mapo Bridge sign.

Bang—!

A massive metal chunk fell towards the crowd. Chaos erupted as people who’d been enjoying the spectacle started fleeing in panic.

Maybe it was because I stood firm with my camera amidst the chaos, but I soon noticed a tall figure come into view as the smoke cleared. Adorned in a black mask and a black suit, it was the hunter I’d been searching for.

Simeon…!

I immediately captured him in my frame.

Unlike the two hunters fighting the salamander with all their might, Simeon just stood there, too calm to be paralyzed by fear. Then, Simeon slowly began moving his hand in the air. His graceful gestures resembled those of a conductor.

Wondering what he was doing, I watched closely and realized he wasn’t conducting but… playing chess. With the salamander breathing fire and his comrades struggling to subdue it, the guild leader leisurely played chess. Yet people were watching him in awe instead of urging him.

Before I knew it, I also visualized the chessboard with every move of his long fingers.

White opens with pawn to E4. Black counters with pawn to E5. White moves knight to F3, and black responds with knight to C6. White then positions the bishop at C4, dominating the center and pressuring black. It’s the classic ‘Italian Game’ opening.

I recognized it instantly; it was the first opening I taught Sang.

“It must be a coincidence…”

A few more moves followed. Every time Simeon moved a piece, I felt an uncanny sense of familiarity but tried to ignore it. However, a chill ran down my spine when he tapped the air twice.

That was a habit Sang had whenever he was certain of victory.

“No way…..”

When it finally reached checkmate, the salamander collapsed in a heap. The crowd, who’d been watching in a daze, erupted in cheers and applause. The sudden burst of sound washed over me like a wave. No, what overwhelmed me was the memory of the past that I had buried in the sea that day.

I’d seen it more than a dozen times, so I knew. These were Sang’s chess habits. He always holds the chess pieces between his index and middle fingers when moving them. His swift hand movements when capturing his opponent’s pieces resemble a hunting beast, and when he’s certain of victory, he taps the chessboard twice.

Just like ‘Simeon’ did just now.

‘I can tell it’s you just by looking at your hand movements when you play.’

It was half a joke.

‘…Don’t lie. It’s not that obvious.’

‘It’s true! Even if you covered your face, I’d recognize you by your hands.’

Still, I was confident. I would definitely recognize Sang if we met someday. But now that the moment was right in front of me, I couldn’t believe it.

Honestly, if I said I wasn’t curious about how Sang has lived for the past eight years, it’d be a lie. I often searched for Sang’s name in the hunter community, but I’d never found any news about him for all those years. So I vaguely assumed he hadn’t become a hunter yet or received a grade so low that he wasn’t mentioned.

But if I think about it this way, his absence makes sense.

“Simeon, the leader of The Apostles… is Sang Heo?”

It can’t be. Thinking that, as soon as I got home, I searched for information about The Apostles and Simeon.

Dressed entirely in black from head to toe, they were called ‘Apostles of God’ by people. All guild members used baptismal names as aliases, appearing out of nowhere to defeat monsters and then disappearing, hence the nickname. There are twelve apostles in total. Most of them are A-rank, a group of naturally skilled individuals.

And Simeon.

Name, origin, appearance. Everything is unknown about this S-rank hunter who leads the Apostles. There is so little known about him that some people even accuse him of being a criminal, but his skills are recognized by all, having established the guild and dominated the hunter world in just two years.

“So….”

That amazing hunter is actually the scrawny kid I knew?

“That’s nonsense.”

It’s utterly absurd.

I pulled out the SD card from my camera, connected it to my computer, and watched the video I had taken over and over again. Still unsatisfied, I searched for all the information about Simeon circulating in the public and noted the features in my notebook. Looking at the page full of Simeon, I laughed hollowly.

It’s not a mistake. Everything Sang had is also present in Simeon, from the trivial habit of tapping the air just before declaring check to the smooth hands without any protrusions to the two small dots on the third knuckle of the index finger. They are exactly the same.

“This is absurd….”

The kid who used to follow me around, calling me “hyung, hyung,” has become an S-rank hunter and the leader of the Apostles guild. It’s hard to accept. I thought about going to see him one more time but forced myself to hold back.

I must not forget. The person who abandoned Sang was me.

Our relationship ended when I left the cathedral, leaving the sleeping child behind. So whether Simeon is Sang or not has nothing to do with me. Even if he really is Sang, the moment I appear before him as Johan will never come again.

I crossed out the words ‘Simeon Sang ‘ written in my notebook with a pen. The more I covered Sang’s name with black lines, the more my complicated feelings seemed to disappear. So, I pressed harder until the pen tip pierced the paper in the notebook.

****

[Here are the photos you requested. I’ll send the rest once you send the remaining balance.]

I sold my conscience for 3 million won. Well, if I consider it the price for awakening him, it makes me feel better. Anyway, we have no relationship anymore, so it doesn’t matter. He can live his life, and I’ll live mine.

Even as I thought that, I couldn’t throw away the item in front of me. 

“It’s just… a souvenir. Yeah.”

I’d printed one of the photos taken at Mapo Bridge—the one where Simeon looked the best—not to keep it but because I might need it later. So, I tucked it carefully between the pages of my notebook to prevent it from getting wrinkled.

No ulterior motive. Absolutely not.

“What should I eat for dinner….”

After eating only triangle kimbap for the past few days while lingering around the association building, I strangely craved luxurious food. While walking home, I was browsing the menu on one of the delivery apps. I deliberately took a route that involved walking down a deserted alley to avoid the rush hour crowd. But when I arrived at the alley’s entrance, I found a transparent barrier blocking my path. Curiosity made me reach out, and surprisingly, my hand passed through smoothly instead of being deflected by the barrier.

“What is this?”

Is it a barrier to keep monsters out? Since it let me in, there should be no problem. So, with that thought, I continued into the alley. 

But as I turned the corner, I saw a couple of people standing under the streetlight, clad in black masks and clothing.

“Oh….”

They were members of The Apostles.

I quickly hid behind the wall and peeked out. One of the individuals had long hair and wore a frilly black dress, while the other had brown hair and wore a black turtleneck and pants. They were the hunters who fought the salamander at Mapo Bridge. From their gestures, they seemed to be talking about something, but their voices were too low to hear.

Why are they here? Could they be the ones who set up the barrier in the alleyway?

Since I had entered without permission, it was best to leave before getting caught. I immediately turned to go back the way I had come, but at that moment, I sensed someone approaching from that direction, essentially trapping me.

I’m screwed. Moving now would instantly get me caught. Quickly, I hid behind an air conditioner unit between buildings. After holding my breath for a while, the sound of heavy footsteps got closer and closer.

Before long, the figure under the streetlight resembled a terrifyingly pale shadow.

“You’re here, boss.”

When the apostle in the frilly dress greeted him, chills ran down my spine.

Is the universe playing a game with me? When I desperately searched for Simeon, he never appeared, but as soon as I wished never to meet him again, he showed up. And now he’s not even ten steps away. The fragment of a memory buried in the sea eight years ago is right in front of me.

“Then we’ll keep an eye on this side….”

Unaware of my presence, they continued their conversation. As a non-hunter, I couldn’t understand the work-related talk. More importantly, with Simeon right before my eyes, I couldn’t see anything else.

The shock from this unexpected reunion was immense. I was so focused on hiding that I didn’t even realize my body was half-exposed beyond the air conditioner unit. Suddenly, Simeon raised his hand to stop her and looked in my direction.

“Hmm.”

I held my breath and quickly hid behind the unit. But it seemed he’d already discovered my presence as his long shadow slowly approached.

It was too late to make myself known with the excuse that I‘d taken a wrong turn.

The only solution was to run.

I darted out of my hiding spot like a racehorse, heading for the crowded street. No matter how capable a hunter, he couldn’t catch me in a crowd. I mingled naturally with the crowd and entered a department store, finally taking a breath.

My heart felt like it was going to burst. I’ve never felt this scared doing any dangerous job. I managed to escape this time, but next time… No. There mustn’t be a next time.

“Hah, I thought I was caught.”

While flapping my sweat-soaked t-shirt, my pocket suddenly felt light.

“It’s gone….”

The notebook was gone.

“Did it fall out of my pocket earlier…?”

I’m screwed. That notebook contains all the notes I’ve gathered about Simeon. I even tucked in the photo I secretly took and printed. This is like serving a feast of evidence for him to suspect me as a spy.

The only consolation is that he doesn’t know who I am or where I live. If I lay low for a while, I’ll naturally fade from their minds. But…

It wasn’t long after that that I went to the spirit auction on behalf of a client and ran into Simeon. This time, it was a head-on encounter. Although my face had changed greatly from how it looked eight years ago, and he probably wouldn’t have recognized me as Johan, the situation still made me uneasy.

“…I’m screwed.”

Simeon must know that the guy he encountered eavesdropping in the alley and the one at the spirit auction were the same person.

So, after the auction, I’d laid low for a while. Moreover, I’d set a new rule when taking requests. Never take on tasks related to people, especially hunters. I refused all requests to take photos of hunters or follow them. I didn’t want to end up like the journalist who disappeared without a trace while investigating The Apostles.