DTD 17

In the days leading up to the end, I spent time with some of the members of The Apostles, one by one. I attended a gemstone auction with Raphael, bought Matteo the beef I’d promised him ages ago, and went to a long-awaited overseas orchestra performance with Shinhwan. 

There wasn’t any deeper meaning behind it. I just wanted to settle my thoughts quietly in my own way. And yet, the more memories I made, the harder it became to leave. Attachment was a terrifying thing. I’d drawn the line, told myself these people were just Simeon’s colleagues, and yet somehow, they’d rooted themselves far deeper into my life than I’d expected.

‘Next time, it’s on me, hyung! I know a place nearby that serves great beef intestines.’

That kid, who always gave so generously.

‘You’re not feeling unwell lately, are you?’

The younger teammate, who never forgot to check in on me.

‘Hajae Shin. Live a life without regrets.’

And the man who gave advice that reached the depths of my heart. They were all just such good people, which made it impossible to turn away.

‘Thank you.’

All I could offer in return was a bright smile and those two words. As Mujeong had said, everything would disappear once I returned from Heaven anyway—these moments, these memories. But even so, I wanted to etch them into my mind while I still could.

And so, on the final day, my feet naturally led me to one last place.

“This place hasn’t changed at all…”

After my parents passed and I left Jeongdong Cathedral, this was where I finally settled—a small villa. I couldn’t say I had any real attachment to it as a home, but I’d always liked the quiet atmosphere, the way the cherry blossoms peeked between the buildings in spring, the way the sun dipped behind a tangle of electric wires, and even the lines of snow-angels kids made in the winter.

Yes. I’d grown fond of these perfectly ordinary things.

“It’s autumn already.”

The cherry tree I used to watch while drinking beer was now tinged a deep crimson. The last of the season’s leaves. As I looked up, red leaves fluttered down with the crisp wind. The scene brought with it an old memory.

‘Here.’

‘Hurry and make a wish! Why are you giving it to your teacher?’

‘Teacher, you said you wanted to be happy, didn’t you?’

He’d spent all day during the school trip, ignoring all the games and food to search for the prettiest maple leaf, just so he could give it to me. His face had flushed red from embarrassment, but I still remember the way he believed, wholeheartedly, that the leaf would grant my wish.

“…Ridiculous.”

And yet, even as I said it, I found myself closing my eyes and reaching a hand into the air. Maybe, if I was lucky—if a wish could really come true—a single leaf might fall into my hand. I waited like that for a while, until something crisp and papery brushed against my palm.

“Hmm?” I opened my eyes with a faint flutter of hope. And there it was—a vivid red maple leaf resting in my hand.

But it wasn’t by chance. It wasn’t luck. The reason the leaf had ended up there was because of someone’s unwavering heart, as always.

“What… is this?”

“You looked like you were waiting for something.”

Standing beneath the rain of autumn leaves was someone who didn’t seem the type for sentimentality. I wasn’t even surprised he’d found me. At this point, I no longer questioned how he always knew where I was. Simeon was relentless—wherever I went, however I tried to hide, he always found me.

“Thank you. I’ll keep it safe.”

I held the leaf like it was a lollipop and sat down on the bench beneath the tree. When I gestured with my eyes to the empty spot beside me, Simeon quietly took a seat. The breeze rustled the fallen leaves across our feet, brushing softly against our shoes.

The scent of dry grass filled the air, and with it came a strange stirring in my chest. I broke the silence first.

“The eclipse is tomorrow, right?”

I stared down at the crimson leaf in my hand as I spoke.

“It feels like it’s been ages since we started completing <Divine Comedy> together… but it hasn’t even been a year.”

“….”

“Honestly, I barely even remember Hell anymore. We went through so much…”

After reuniting with him, there hadn’t been a single peaceful day. Dealing with divine beasts and rifts I’d never even imagined—how much had we suffered? But in the end, what was harder than anything was pushing him away. The way he kept breaking through all my walls, every time. That struggle was over now, at least.

The heavy silence settled between us. No breeze, no words, just a stillness that pressed the air down. I couldn’t read Simeon’s expression as he quietly watched the scenery. The weight of it made it too hard to stay still, so I stood up first.

“Want something to drink? I’ll go grab—”

“Mr Hajae.”

Simeon suddenly grabbed my wrist. 

“Hm?” I looked down, but he just stared up at me in silence for a long while. His eyes, as clear as the autumn sky, looked as though they were silently pleading. I understood. And yet, I stood there pretending I didn’t.

And then, finally, his lips parted.

“Don’t you have anything to say to me?”

“…All of a sudden?”

What’s there left to wait for now? We’ve reached the final move in this game.

“Um… Thank you for everything?”

It wasn’t long after the words left my mouth, that he dropped his head. The next thing I knew, he was laughing—wildly, uncontrollably, like he’d lost his mind. His shoulders shook with the force of it, and I couldn’t help but frown. After a while, the laughter died down, and Simeon stood.

“You really are…”

He let out a deep breath, as if trying to keep something from spilling out, then muttered under his breath.

“…the same as ever.”

His face was twisted into a frown, even as he was trying to force a smile. The sight felt like a nail being driven into my chest but still, I said nothing. In the end, he was the one who dropped it and walked away.

I clenched my fists without realizing it. Only when I belatedly opened my hand again did I see what I’d done. The leaf he’d given me was crushed to pieces.

****

The day had finally come.

I went about my morning routine like usual, washed up, and got ready to head out. I packed the dagger, just in case, but left the pocket watch behind. It had never truly been mine, to begin with.

Before leaving the room, I wanted to say goodbye to Mujeong one last time.

“Jeong-ah.”

But no matter how many times I called, he didn’t show up.

“The eclipse is happening soon.”

“……”

“I’m going in after him. In case… just in case Simeon changes his mind while we’re inside Heaven… then I’ll have to act.”

The truth was, I hadn’t seen Mujeong since that day. He’d never been one to easily show what he was feeling, but that was the first time he’d ever asked me for anything. And I ignored it, pretended I hadn’t heard. I did feel sorry. But still… I didn’t think he’d really vanish without a word. Not until the very end.

“…You’re seriously not even going to say goodbye?”

The room stayed silent. I could draw blood, summon the <Bloodletting Sword>, and force him to appear if I wanted. But if his wish was to avoid saying goodbye, then I’d rather respect that, even if just this once.

“Then I’ll just do the talking. You can at least listen, right?”

I let out a long sigh and stared up at the empty air.

“You know, you really pissed me off sometimes. Always teasing me, pushing my buttons. Even when I was alone, I’d feel like you were still hanging around, watching me like a hawk. I know you didn’t exactly want to be stuck inside my body either, but still, haven’t you ever heard of privacy?”

After venting all of that, laughter slipped out on its own. I could almost hear him pretending to be wounded, asking how I could say such mean things.

“But thanks to you… I was never lonely. You always called me ‘Master,’ but I think, somewhere along the way, I started to see you as a friend.”

I lifted my gaze to the spot I imagined his face would be, somewhere just above eye level. And I smiled.

“Jeong-ah… I’m glad I met you. I mean it. Please be happy.”

My whole body tingled like ants were crawling up my back. I hated talking about my feelings—it always made me feel exposed. So awkward. I wanted to get out of there as fast as possible.

“All right. I’m going now.”

Just as my hand gripped the doorknob, someone pulled me into a hug from behind. I was startled for a second but quickly laughed when I saw the long, black hair that spilled over my chest. So he’d planned to say goodbye after all. Why be so stubborn about it?

He buried his face into my shoulder, unmoving, so I gently patted his head.

“I’m gonna be late at this rate.”

“…..”

“Let me go now?”

A moment later, the arms wrapped around me slipped away, weakly. 

“Thanks,” I heard him murmur.

I opened the door and left without looking back. I knew that if I turned around, if I saw his face, I might not be able to go through with any of this.

That late afternoon, I followed Simeon all the way to Mount Cheongok in Jeongseon. The very place where the gate to Hell had once opened… today, the heavens would open instead.

I hid behind a broken wind turbine, just far enough away that he wouldn’t notice me. As the time of the eclipse drew closer, the once-bright sky gradually dimmed. Then, the moment the moon swallowed the sun, darkness fell like night across the land.

That was when Simeon raised <Divine Comedy> high toward the sky. The letters that made up the book scattered from the pages, forming a vast, glowing ring. It looked like the sun’s halo during an annular eclipse—only now, that ring had descended from the sky and settled upon the earth.

Simeon stepped toward the radiant circle and stretched out his hand.

“To the one who has overcome all trials, grant the path to Heaven.”

And in that moment, I finally understood.

That’s it. That ring—that’s the gate through time. That was Heaven. While I stood there, stunned, Simeon passed through the halo and vanished.

The glowing letters that had once formed the ring began rising back into the air, drifting upward like droplets defying gravity. The gate was closing. I didn’t have a second to spare.

I jumped up from my hiding spot and dashed toward the ring. Its form had already begun to blur, but I leaped toward it all the same, throwing myself into its heart.

Thud—!

My head collided with something hard, the impact jarring me so badly I thought my skull might crack. I clutched it, groaning.

“Ugh… did I fail…?”

Dread crept in as I slowly lifted my head—and was met with a scene I knew all too well.

Outside the window, tattered curtains flapped in the wind. Children’s laughter echoed faintly in the distance. Somewhere nearby, an organ was playing—clumsy, hesitant notes.

Ah… of course.

This was Jeongdong Cathedral.

Simeon had only one reason for spending so long collecting the pages of <Divine Comedy>.

‘I’m gonna go back to the time before I got attached to that person and send my past self somewhere far away.’

He wanted to cut Johan out of his life.

So then why, after using <Divine Comedy> did he come to Jeongdong Cathedral? Wasn’t Simeon supposed to be looking for his ‘past self from before he got attached’ to me? Sang Heo entered the orphanage only after I’d already begun volunteering here… Which meant that if the young Sang was here now, then we already knew each other.

“…What is this?”

For now, the priority was finding Sang in the orphanage. If I trailed him, I’d naturally be able to figure out Simeon’s plan.

Where would Sang most likely be? The yard? …No, not yet. He only started playing soccer several months after we got close. If I was judging the timeline right, he’d probably be in the classroom. From the moment we met, Sang always liked to sit in the corner and read.

I headed toward the classroom where I used to teach him chess, but the room was completely empty.

“This time of day… he should be in class right now.”

Strange. The only times they didn’t have lessons at this hour were during events, like Thanksgiving, a school picnic, or some other special activity. Could today be one of those days? I couldn’t remember at all.

Cautiously stepping into the classroom, I looked up at the calendar on the wall. The priest would mark off each passing day with a little star-shaped memo sticker, writing the names of children who’d done something good. So today was…

“…Huh?”

The moment I saw the blue sticker, my mind went blank. Today was Sang’s birthday, the very day we’d all promised to throw him a surprise party. A chill crept down my spine. Just what point in the past had Simeon returned to?

“No… No way.”

It had to be a mistake. Maybe Father had forgotten to take down the old calendar. He did that sometimes, didn’t he? I tried to rationalize it, but even as I did, a rising panic surged inside me. I bolted from the classroom, overwhelmed by the urgent need to find Sang.

The moment I reached the hallway, I collided with someone coming around the corner.

Thump—!

“Ouch….”

I was about to bow in apology, but then I froze.

The boy in front of me was holding a paper bag, tied neatly with a ribbon. He cradled it as if it were the most precious thing in the world. We’d crashed into each other hard enough to make a sound, but he didn’t even check his reddened nose—instead, he anxiously opened the bag to make sure nothing inside had broken.

And then, when he finally looked up, our eyes met. Time stopped.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Are you hurt anywhere?”

I couldn’t speak, could barely breathe. The face I thought I’d never see again was right in front of me. The one everyone said looked just like his mother. The child captured forever in the <Portrait of Saint-Germain>.

It was Johan. Me, when I was a child.

I remember that day now. The man I’d bumped into while I was running and holding a present in my hands… was me. My future self.

“Excuse me…”

Johan glanced at me warily, then gave a polite bow and hurried on. I couldn’t move. I stood there, frozen, not because I’d seen myself or realized all of this had been destined from the start, but because of what I saw in that instant.

[Activating ‘Pioneer of the Unknown( ).’]

[Would you like to view the conditions of □□s‘Hajae Shin’□?]

It was the first time I’d ever seen my ability glitch like that. Broken letters. Unreadable symbols. And the conditions… before I could even process what I was doing—

No. This isn’t the time. Johan was heading toward the front gates, and soon he’d encounter Sang standing on the path to the storage shed. I remember this moment. Sang said he saw something strange down there, perhaps it was…

“…….Damn it.”

I spun around and darted out the back door. I sprinted past the storage shed, and toward the yard, and then I saw it. Up ahead, I could see a man’s profile. It wasn’t too late. 

It was then I caught a glimpse of what he was holding. 

He was holding a knife, its blade sharpened to a fine edge and eerily flashing in the sun. But sharper and colder than the steel of that knife was the gaze fixed directly on Sang. 

Sang was innocently standing on the path, utterly unaware of the danger. He stared toward the trees, trying to figure out what had caught his attention.

The next moment, Simeon stepped out from behind the wall and began to move. There wasn’t a trace of hesitation in his steps as he advanced. Just as he moved to cross into the light, I grabbed his arm and yanked him back behind the wall.

“Give that to me.”

I tried to wrest the knife from his hand, but he was gripping it so tightly that only my fingernails left marks on his skin.

“Please… Give it to me.”

I begged him, but he just stared at me with cold and indifferent eyes. If only I could’ve taken him by surprise, I’d have the upper hand here. But he didn’t even blink, as if he’d already known I would follow him.

“What timing,” he muttered. “Though it would’ve been better if you were just a little later.”

“What are you doing?”

“Isn’t it obvious what I’m about to do?”

He brushed my hand away and adjusted his grip on the knife. The way he held it, without even a tremble in his fingers, was terrifying. When he moved toward Sang again, I stepped in front of him and grabbed his arm with everything I had.

“Stop.”

“Why?”

His eyes which had lost their light stared blankly past me at Sang.

“You know, Mr Hajae…” he said quietly.

There was no emotion in his voice, just the numb weariness of someone who’d already given up.

“You know what a privilege it is… to be able to die when you want to?”

“…What?”

“I always wanted to die at my happiest. That way… it’d last forever.”

Sang still stood there at the end of his gaze, completely innocent and oblivious. Sang must have thought the noise was a cat, a fallen leaf, or the wind. Simeon looked at him with envy and smiled faintly.

And I finally understood.

I understood what he meant by ‘sending himself far away.’

“You meant… killing yourself?” I whispered.

He didn’t respond, but his silence was answer enough.

After we were reunited, I would see Simeon endlessly staring at <Portrait of Saint-Germain> whenever he had the chance. I’d thought he was just longing for Johan, but that wasn’t it.

Simeon wanted to freeze himself in that moment with Johan, smiling under the red sunset. Just like Johan in the picture frame, who would remain smiling happily even if the world collapsed. He, a boy who died at the peak of joy, stabbed by a mysterious stranger—would remain happy forever, in the eyes of the world.

“This is insane…”

My lungs tightened. My chest ached like someone had reached inside and ripped my heart out. I tried to swallow the wave of emotions rising in my throat, but it overwhelmed me. My vision blurred. I bit my lip to keep from crying and I continued holding onto his arm, refusing to let go.

Unfazed, Simeon spoke softly. 

“If you understand, move out of the way.”

“No.”

“Let go.”

“No. If you’re going to stab someone… stab me instead.”

I wrapped my arms around his waist and clung to him. From a distance, we heard a boy’s voice.

“Sang-ah. What are you doing there?”

My heart sank.

“Ah, I thought I saw something here.”

“Huh?”

They couldn’t find us. Absolutely not.

Before Johan could turn this way, I shoved Simeon into the storage shed. He tripped over a mop bucket and fell back hard. The knife slipped from his hand and clattered across the floor—rolling to a stop in the dust, right where Sang had stood when he once offered to help me clean.

From outside, the voices continued.

“Could it be a ghost?”

“Hyung, this is a church…”

“Haha, I was just kidding.”

We hadn’t been seen. Thank God. But according to my memory, they’d linger around for a while. I sat on top of Simeon, pinning him down so he couldn’t move. His lifeless eyes drifted toward the dust floating in the sunlight.

In this place where silence had fallen heavily, an excited voice rang out.

“Here, take this.”

“What is it?”

“Open it and see.”

I squeezed my eyes shut but the memories came rushing back, clear as day.

“Hyung…”

“It’s called a ‘Megaminx Cube’. Isn’t it amazing?”

His wide eyes. His flushed cheeks.

“I wanted to buy you something expensive but didn’t know what you wanted. So I thought about it for a long time and ended up buying this. I didn’t choose it randomly. So…”

“I know.”

His arms around me. The warmth of his embrace. The pounding of our hearts.

“Thank you, hyung.”

“Do you like it?”

“Yes, it’s the best gift I’ve ever received.”

When we first met, you were so small. But you grew up before I even realized it. When I saw you catching up with me, I thought, ‘Someday, you might even be bigger than me.’ 

And I was sure that I’d never get to witness that. 

“Wow, you’re getting good at saying nice things.”

“I’m not just saying it.”

“I know. You’ve always been serious.”

I never imagined I’d be the one stopping you from killing yourself.

“Hyung…”

“Yes?”

“You’ll stay with me, right?”

Stop. Don’t say it. Don’t make promises you can’t keep.

Please.

“Of course I will.”

Tears were gushing out between my tightly shut eyelids. I opened my eyes, catching my breath, and suddenly, the tears started falling. Tears stained with guilt, regret, and longing landed on Sang’s face.

“Move out of the way. Before it’s too late.”

The cold edge in his voice cut through me like a knife. My vision was too blurred by tears to even see what kind of expression he was wearing. He must be laughing at me. He must find it funny that my ridiculous acting collapsed in an instant. Soon, a cynicism close to contempt felt like it was echoing throughout the warehouse.

Then I heard him scoff.

“Don’t you think this is funny?”

“…..”

“You said it yourself, that I did such a great job, you’re glad it worked out…”

He grabbed me by the collar and hissed.

“So help me finish this. Don’t get in the way.”

His face, twisted in anguish, hovered in my hazy vision. Were those tears flowing down his cheeks, his or mine? I couldn’t tell. I could only grip his shoulders and shake my head over and over.

Then, in a voice sunk deep in grief, he spoke.

“Why do you care so much? You and I… we’re nothing. We’re strangers.”

He echoed the very words I’d once thrown at him.

“We haven’t even known each other for a year.”

“Say something, Mr. Hajae.”

I had no more excuses.

“Or should I call you ….Johan-hyung?”

****

The memories that had been washed away into the sea. The emotions of that day that I no longer wanted to remember. Excitement, guilt… All of those things slowly rose to the surface along with the name I’d abandoned. He picked up everything I’d torn up and thrown away one by one and put it back in my hands.

“Or deny it. Go ahead, I’ll believe you.”

“That…”

“But don’t block my path. You don’t get to do that.”

Simeon grabbed my arm and squeezed it tightly. My arm started to go numb right away, and I bit my lip without realizing it. I could feel the difference in strength. If he wanted to, he could push me away and hurt Sang. The scariest thing was that his words about killing himself were completely sincere.

In the end, I couldn’t answer and closed my eyes tightly. 

“Ha.” 

He let out a hollow laugh.

“…I should have done this a long time ago.”

Even my flowing tears dried up at his cold voice.

“Why on earth are you doing this?”

“Why am I doing this? I learned everything from you, hyung.”

“What…?”

“If you figure out your opponent, you win the game.”

He relaxed the painful grip he had on my arm and gently stroked it

“If you care about me, you’d prefer to save me than keep your secrets.”

Those black eyes that had given up on everything looked so much like someone else’s.

“And it was you who taught me to make threats by taking myself hostage, hyung.”

Ah, right.

‘I’m not negotiating. I’m threatening you with my life.’

When I severed the relationship that had been re-connected, threatening to slit my throat and throw myself into the sea… This must’ve been how Simeon felt. Even if I had an extra tongue, I wouldn’t have anything to say. I was just receiving back everything I’d said and done.

“Don’t look at me like that. It makes me feel like the bad guy.”

He pulled up one corner of his mouth, trying to force a smile onto his distorted face.

“I gave you so many chances. If you just came back, if you just stopped acting like that, I was willing to forget everything. I was going to forget the fact that you abandoned me and ran away, even your shameless act of pretending we were strangers… I planned for us to start over.”

The voice that had been gradually getting more heated calmed down with a deep sigh.

“But you were the one who threw that opportunity away, hyung.”

I knew that, too. Why he asked me over and over again, ‘Do you have anything to say to me?’. No, I thought I knew. I thought he was giving me a chance to return to being Johan. And I foolishly thought he would give up if I just ignored it and brushed over it.

But that wasn’t a chance.

Honestly, I was going to let it go, just agree and leave it at that. He never had the choice to give up on me in the first place. That’s why I said that in <Monet’s Garden>.

‘Alright. Keep it hidden until the end… Hiding and revealing, I enjoy games like that.’

I should have realized it when I saw that strangely confident face.

‘A time limit adds to the thrill, doesn’t it?’

‘Hm, yes. Let’s say… until we use <Divine Comedy> and change the past.’

That this game was already designed by him.

‘If I discover your secret, you have to give me what I want.’

‘You, Mr. Hajae.’

That I was already trapped.

‘Just in case you didn’t know…. There’s no way you’ll win.’

Could there be such a crushing defeat? With only one move remaining, I was so certain of victory, and that was my miscalculation. But my complete defeat came when I failed to see the king hiding behind the knight.

No, isn’t a relationship a game where the one who loves more loses? Perhaps it was a match with a predetermined ending from the beginning.

What can a person say after being checked in a tirelessly long game?

“…I’m sorry.”

Perhaps he didn’t like the fact that the only word I struggled to spit out was an apology. Simeon glared at me, his face distorting in anger.

“Don’t just say sorry, tell me the truth.”

“That is the truth.”

“No, no.”

His eyes reddened in an instant, piercing my heart.

“I’m disappearing from your life. Just like you wanted.”

“No…”

“You wanted to erase me from your memories. That’s why you helped me finish <Divine Comedy>.”

“Simeon. I…….”

“You want to forget about me, but you don’t want me dead? Do you feel bad for the child you took care of when you were little?”

This was the victory he’d so desperately wanted, so shouldn’t he be more enthusiastic? His face was filled with despair. It was as if he was still crying out to me to save him. It was as if he was begging me not to turn away from him, not to abandon him again.

“Please say something!”

…..Yeah. That’s it. You won the game, but really, I was the one holding the sword from the beginning. If I remained silent until the end, you would willingly choose death. The only way to save you is to reveal the truth. Which would bring about my worst-case scenario.

“It’s not that.”

“It’s not what?”

“The… reason I was trying to forget you…….”

My head felt like it was going to burst at any moment as I tried to tell the secret I’d kept my whole life.

“That’s…..”

My throat was choked up even though no one was pressing down on me. I raised my head to catch my breath as if I was escaping from a drowning ship. The sunset sky appeared as a speck in front of my blurry vision. Then, as if my five senses were opening up, I felt my surroundings in detail.

I could hear the organ music from afar, the voice of the priest reading a book, the cold wind that announced the winter, the unique smell of dry leaves, and his body scent. Senses that stirred my longing were constantly rushing in, making my mind dizzy.

Like a wave crashing against a cliff.

“…Hyung?”

Thud, thud, thud, thud, thud—!

“Stop…!”

Everything here was driving me crazy.

“Stop… let’s go back. To reality. I’ll tell you everything there.”

I spoke, feeling the push to leave this place, but what I got in return was doubt.

“You want me to believe that?”

My head suddenly throbbed. Of course, he couldn’t believe it. Even I would’ve thought it was an excuse.

“What should I do to make you believe me?”

What should I do? There’s nothing left for me here. As I blankly looked down at him, a white, beautiful hand came toward me. He cupped my tear-stained cheek and whispered softly.

“Call my name, like you used to.”

“…What?”

“Then I’ll do as you wish.”

I laughed out loud.

Your name? You’ll trust me just based on that? What the heck…..

“You can’t do that?”

No. He was originally this kind of kid. I closed my eyes tightly and finally surrendered.

“Let’s go back…. Sang-ah.”

After a moment, I opened my eyes and was greeted by a smile so beautiful that it took my breath away.

“Yes, hyung.”

****

There were so many things I wanted to say when I met my past self. ‘Please come to your senses,’ ‘It’s not too late, leave now.’

I wanted to whack my idiotic self and make him choose the right path.

But when I actually met my younger self, I couldn’t say anything. Running with the gift in my arms… I looked so happy, just wondering if Sang would like the cube. How could I say goodbye with that kind of face, with eyes that were already in love?

“Stupid idiot.”

I opened my eyes with a start, pouring out my anger. It wasn’t a dusty warehouse, but a pure white ceiling. I couldn’t grasp the situation yet, so I just blinked. Then, I heard a light voice full of laughter next to me. 

“Are you talking to me?”

I turned my head and saw a familiar face. For a moment, a chill ran down my spine. I instinctively sat up, my back pressed against the headboard. Even though I was radiating caution with my whole body, Simeon paid no attention, he just met my eyes and smiled. 

“Did you sleep well?”

The voice and speech were the same as usual. Could it be that the events at Jeongdong Cathedral were all a dream? I was staring at him in silence, holding a strange hope, when he came to my bedside. Soon, he reached out to me and muttered softly. 

“Mr. Hajae. What’s wrong? Did you have a nightmare?”

Yes. That’s right. All of it must have been……

“Ah, I’ve decided to call you ‘hyung’ now.”

At those words, I unconsciously avoided his hand. The face that had been smiling suddenly distorted. He stared at me with eyes that seemed confused, so I let out an awkward laugh and lowered my gaze to the floor. 

“I’m sorry. It’s a bit… awkward.”

“It’s ok. You’ll get used to it soon.”

Simeon kneeled down on one knee, trying to be considerate as he quietly looked up at me.

“First, let’s change the way we speak. Hyung. You used to speak informally to me.”

“That’s…..”

“If we start by with the little things, slowly…..

“Simeon.”

Was it because I cut him off? Or was it because I called him the ‘wrong’ title? The eyes that’d been looking up at me affectionately suddenly became cold. I swallowed dry saliva, feeling a strange sense of pressure as I said the name that still felt awkward.

“….Sang-ah.”

“Yeah?”

He smiled faintly as if he’d never looked at me so coldly. The only way to tame the beast who might bear his teeth at any moment, was for me to be Johan. I carefully lifted my back from the headboard and sat up on the bed. Simeon placed a hand on my knee as if he’d been waiting.

“What’s wrong, hyung?”

“Before I tell you everything, can I ask you one thing?”

“Of course. I’ll tell you anything.”

Trying to act casual, I held onto the blanket tightly as I spoke.

“When… Or, how did you know? …That I was Johan.”

As soon as I finished speaking, his neat eyebrows twitched. But that was only for a moment. He smiled gently as he grabbed my hand that was holding the blanket. 

“Do you really need to know?”

As I nodded quietly, he brought my hand to his cheek and closed his eyes. He rubbed his cheek against my palm for a while as if feeling the warmth, and then slowly opened his eyes. His eyes that saw through everything pierced through me without a single waver this time.

“From the moment we were reunited.”

****

Everyone said Johan was dead. That the unidentified body they found was his.

But I know the truth. That wasn’t him. The bone structure, the size of his feet, the slope of his shoulders, even the subtle shape of his fingers, none of it matched. I remember, but no one believed me. They said I was just clinging to a delusion, denying reality. They told me to let go of him already, to send him off with a prayer.

Send him off where? He didn’t die. He’s alive. The reason he hasn’t come back yet… ok. Maybe he’s hospitalized from the accident, or he’s lost his memory. That must be it. There’s no way he’d just disappear without a trace.

“Sang-ah. You’re still looking for Johan, aren’t you?”

The kind of person who cared so deeply for the church and everyone here… he wouldn’t just leave without a word.

“Even if you keep looking, Johan won’t come back.”

I ignored what everyone said and started chasing any traces of him on my own. The only thing written on his volunteer application was a baptismal name. I didn’t know where he lived or even his real name. That left only one clue: his whereabouts on the day of the accident.

If he left the cathedral at dawn to head into the city, he would’ve needed to take the bus. The mountain roads were too treacherous to walk, and there was only one bus line that passed the cathedral. Johan must’ve taken that bus. So why wasn’t he found at the crash site?

Did he miraculously survive and walk away on his own?

“Excuse me…”

I went straight to the police station. The young officer at the front desk stood up to greet me.

“What’s the matter?”

“I’d like to check the CCTV footage from the time of the bus crash near Jeongdong.”

He sighed and gently pulled me outside.

“Come back with an adult. This isn’t a place for kids to play around.”

“I’m not joking. I need to see it.”

“Then come back with a guardian.”

No matter how many times I tried, I got the same answer. Of course, they were reluctant, who wouldn’t be if some kid showed up asking to see an accident report for a person with no name and no hometown?

So I changed tactics. Instead of the police station, I visited a motel near the mountain road and asked to see their security footage. That went even worse.

“Get out before I call the cops!”

The motel owner grabbed me by the collar and dragged me out. We ended up in a scuffle, and that’s when I got hit by a car.

“Are you awake now?”

“You have no idea how worried we were.”

Father and Sister sobbed as they hugged me tightly. And behind them… was him.

Ah… Hyung. You’re back. My parents only ever cared about using me for gambling money, but you… you came back for me. I forgive you. Just say you’re sorry for leaving. No, tell me you’re glad I’m okay. Smile for me, like always. Pat my head and promise you’ll stay this time.

Please.

“Sang-ah. Why are you whispering to yourself like that?”

They’re the crazy ones, not me.

But no matter how much I spoke to him, Johan never answered. Of course not. He was just a hallucination only I could see. After that, I stopped talking to him in front of others. Not because I was afraid they’d think I was crazy—but because I was scared they’d send me to a hospital, scared they’d erase him.

So I only spoke to him when I was alone.

“Thank you, Hyung. For coming back to me.”

A few months later, we held a celebration at the orphanage.

“This is truly a miracle.”

Sister found the younger brother she was separated from as a child. All she had was one old family photo, but they never gave up searching, and finally, they reunited as adults.

Everyone was genuinely happy. One believer, who’d also been searching for her parents, said it gave her courage. But I… for the first time, I felt despair. The reason I couldn’t find Johan wasn’t because I lacked ability, or because my prayers weren’t sincere.

“It must be that the Lord was moved by their unwavering hearts.”

It made me wonder… maybe it was because one of us didn’t want it badly enough.

[Sang-ah. I’m writing this in case you get worried when you wake up and find me gone. Due to some family circumstances, I have to leave and go far away. I couldn’t tell you in person, so I’m leaving this letter. Thank you for everything, and take care.]

Even in the last letter he left, there was no promise of return. If he were really alive—if he really survived the accident, he could have come back anytime. But he didn’t.

Okay. He abandoned me. The moment I admitted that fact I’d been denying all along, a message appeared before my eyes:

[Awakening condition met.]

[Awakener Heo Sang has acquired ‘King’s Gambit (S-rank)’.]

By losing what I wanted most, the wish I’d had since I was a child finally came true. But it brought me no joy, only questions. What exactly was the condition for my awakening? Was it… related to him?

‘Sang-ah. You said you wanted to be a hunter before…. Do you still feel that way?’

‘Why?’

‘Just curious.’

Maybe it was a coincidence. But even if it wasn’t, what did it matter? It’s all over now.

If I’d lived my whole life in winter, I wouldn’t have known it was cold. So why did you give me spring, only to vanish like a mirage in summer? Why were you kind to me at all? You should’ve left me to rot in my self-pity, drowning in the shadows of my trash parents. Why did you pull me out, only to run away?

I regret ever meeting you. I curse the hand you held out to me. If I could, I’d erase you. Cut you out of my life like a tumor. After all, you’re probably out there living happily, having already forgotten me.

So I’ll erase you too. Every trace of you.

And yet… Hyung.

‘Sang-ah.’

You really are alive… right?

‘Don’t worry. I’m not going to die.’

Are you happy… without me?

‘I’m not going anywhere.’

Then please be happy. So much that I grit my teeth in envy. That way, I can at least hate you in peace.

****

The cathedral was oddly noisy from early morning.

“Who was that talking to the Father just now?”

“They said he’s a Hunter. An A-rank Hunter.”

“What? Really?”

Someone interesting had arrived. I was wondering how to talk to him, but he approached me first. His name was Enoch. An A-rank Hunter, just as the rumors said. He had power, money, everything I didn’t.

So I asked him directly.

“If I become a Hunter, can I do anything?”

“What do you want to do?”

That was the beginning. Thanks to Enoch, I found  <Fine Pattern Mirror>, an item that revealed the path to my wish. It was an old book being sold for cheap in a secondhand shop in Turin, Italy. If not for the spirit item’s guidance, I would’ve never known about <Divine Comedy>, about its ability to transcend time and space.

“So what will you do now?”

Enoch’s question made me pause. To complete <Divine Comedy>, I needed to collect as many spirit items as possible. That meant joining a guild, but I couldn’t stand the idea of someone interfering with my plans.

Ok. Then I’ll make one.

“Enoch. I’ll give you whatever you want.”

“How would you know what I want?”

“I don’t. But I’ll repay you, even if it takes my entire life.”

A new guild, free from expectations and oppression.

“So help me.”

Enoch stared straight into my eyes, then broke into a wide grin.

“Alright. Sounds fun.”

Thanks to his help, I became an S-rank Hunter. Just like I planned, I formed my own guild. I called it The Apostles. I hand-picked each awakened member, people who shared my hunger and had the skills I needed. Everything went smoothly.

So why the mask?

‘Even if you only showed me your hand while playing chess, I’d know it was you.’

‘I mean it! Even if you hide your face, I’d recognize you just from your hands!’

That’s what he’d said.

If he meant it, then even if no one else recognized me, at least he would. Maybe then he’d take an interest. The kid he’d abandoned became an S-rank Hunter, one everyone was talking about. Wouldn’t he glance my way at least once? …Wouldn’t he?

In just two years, The Apostles became a guild every Hunter knew. I buried myself in work, grateful for the distraction. I thought if I stayed busy, I’d forget. But the hallucinations didn’t fade, they only grew clearer. Whenever I was exhausted or worn down, that gentle face appeared, watching me like a god.

Just meeting his eyes drove me mad. I tried to avoid his gaze.

But then—

“Just as you requested, we’ve successfully acquired <Portrait of Saint-Germain>, sir.

“Good job.”

The cursed painting that might complete the ‘Fraud’ layer of <Divine Comedy>.

They say no one’s ever seen the real face of the trickster Saint-Germain. The portrait changes based on the imagination of its owner. I knew that. But even as I brought the artifact back to the Ark, I had no idea…

That he would appear in the frame.

“Sir?”

And on my birthday, no less, the day he abandoned me. That face, backlit by a crimson sunset, turning to look at me. The memory I’d buried, the feelings I’d sealed away, all came rushing back through the frame. The warmth of our joined hands, the pounding of our hearts, as vivid as if it’d happened yesterday.

Even now, when I close my eyes, I can smell it. That subtle soap scent mixed with the salty sea breeze.

“…Johan.”

Just when I thought I was free, I was trapped in that moment again.

The crashing waves rising into white foam against the cliffs.

The cliff where you stood, shadowed by unknown sorrow.

That sea that swallowed you whole.

‘It just looked cool, so I jumped.’

Please. Take me with you. Don’t leave me alone in this frozen winter.

At the brink of life, whenever I feel I can no longer bear this solitude and consider jumping, he always appears to block my path. No, he even steps forward, saying he’ll jump before me. Knowing full well it’s just an illusion, I still abandon my resolve, unwilling to lose him.

I want to die because of you, yet I have to live because of you. What a contradiction.

****

A few days ago, I received troubling news from Raphael, who had returned from a mission.

“You’ve been followed?”

Well, it’s not the first time. He’s been targeted many times for his A-grade healing abilities. Thanks to the Ark and Midas’s Clock, his identity remains concealed, but it’s best to nip potential problems in the bud.

“Simeon, we’ve apprehended the individual.”

“Bring them in.”

The person brought in wasn’t an awakened individual or a journalist, just an ordinary middle-aged woman. Nonetheless, exceptions aren’t made. As always, in a soundproof, lightless room, we began the interrogation. Yet, she differed from others who had been in that room.

“Could you please help me? Just this once, please…”

Unafraid, she kept repeating the same plea. Her persistence piqued my curiosity.

“What do you need help with?”

“My son suffered complications during heart surgery and is hospitalized. Even though he’s taken all the treatments from other hunters, he hasn’t regained consciousness. But… I heard your hunter might be able to save him…”

From the moment she mentioned her son’s heart surgery, I tuned out. I’m not someone who empathizes easily. But then, a particular statement caught my attention.

“How did you obtain the treatments if you’re not awakened?”

“Well…”

It likely wasn’t through legal means. Sensing her hesitation, I offered a tempting proposition.

“If you’re honest with me, I might be able to help.”

She immediately looked up.

“Really?”

“I don’t enjoy lying.”

After a moment’s hesitation, she confessed.

“There’s an anonymous online community accessible only via overseas IPs. Treatments and monster remains are traded there. Even non-awakened individuals can purchase them if they have the money. The prices are steep, though…”

Her words sparked a question.

How did Johan vanish without a trace after the bus accident? Given the severity, he must have been seriously injured. Yet, he didn’t go to a hospital. If he had, the news would have reported a survivor.

So, there were two possibilities. Johan awakened with healing abilities, or, like this woman, he procured treatments and recovered on his own.

“Can you tell me more about this community?”

It was a slim chance, but it was worth exploring. I instructed my staff to scour the community. If my theory holds, there should be posts from around the time he disappeared.

Honestly, I didn’t expect much. So I was quite surprised when we actually found something.

“Simeon, during that period, there were several transactions.”

“This site also shows multiple completed trades, with most posts deleted.”

Someone had purchased a significant amount of treatments. Coincidence? Or a lead?

A few days later, we managed to contact some of the sellers. Most didn’t recall the transactions, but a few had kept chat records. All trades were anonymous and contactless, but the delivery locations were noted.

“Seonan-dong?”

“Yes. The buyer requested the package be left in a mailbox of a villa in Seonan-dong.”

“How many households are in that villa?”

“It’s an abandoned building slated for redevelopment. No one lives there.”

Clever. Choosing an abandoned building to avoid revealing their residence… But it’s likely they lived nearby. Purchasing that many treatments suggests severe injuries and limited mobility. The buyer probably chose a familiar area to minimize risks.

“What should we do? Should we send someone immediately?”

It would be ideal if my staff could locate the anonymous buyer, but Seonan-dong was densely populated, and checking each person’s residence would take a year. 

And it wasn’t solely about my patience level, the time I spent searching gave him time to flee.

“Sending someone might alert the neighborhood. We can’t risk that.”

I’m not even sure he’s still in Seonan-dong. He might be moving between motels or lodgings… 

Wait. Motels?

“Is something wrong, Guild Leader?”

“I just remembered a place I need to visit.”

Back when I was searching for CCTV footage of the accident, after being turned away by the police, I went to a motel near the mountain path. I asked to see their CCTV but ended up in a scuffle with the owner, leading to an accident. But that incident allowed me to see Johan again, making the owner somewhat of a benefactor.

It was time to revisit that benefactor.

“Still the same as ever.”

Entering the dilapidated motel, a rusty bell jingled. A small window opened at the counter, not to greet an incoming guest but because of the jingling.

After a while, the owner spoke.

“How many nights?”

His voice sounded older but still just as gruff.

“Why aren’t you answering? Can’t you hear me?”

And still as rude as ever.

As I remained silent, perhaps frustrated, he opened the window wider. Our eyes met, and his face turned to stone. With a clatter, he rushed out.

“W-Who are you…?”

“May I come in to ask a few questions?”

“Ah, yes, of course. This way.”

Years ago, he’d turned me away, but now he was more compliant. He didn’t recognize me from back then. The changes in my attire and appearance, and the addition of a few attendants were enough to ensure that.

He hurriedly cleared newspapers from the leather sofa.

“Please, have a seat. Would you like some tea…?”

“No, thank you.”

As I sat silently, he began to sweat, perhaps intimidated by the large man beside me.

“Do you remember the Jeongdong bus accident?”

“Oh, yes. Most of the victims were locals. The whole town was in mourning. But why bring that up now…?”

“The accident site wasn’t far from this motel.”

His wrinkled face paled.

“Did you see or hear anything unusual back then?”

He licked his dry lips and drank from a crushed plastic bottle.

“I don’t know what you’ve heard, but I’ve lived an honest life.”

His trembling hands and darting eyes suggested otherwise. He was hiding something. There were many ways to make him talk, but it’s better if he speaks willingly.

“Of course. I’m not here to accuse you.”

“Then why…?”

I signaled my staff, who placed a thick envelope on the table. He quickly checked its contents, his eyes widening.

“What’s this?”

His lips curled instinctively at the sight of money. Although he hesitated, he eventually smiled.

“I’m looking for someone connected to that bus accident.”

“Ah…”

“Consider this payment for information.”

Relieved, he pocketed the envelope.

“Actually, someone did come here after the accident. I remember because he looked like a corpse. I thought I was hallucinating from lack of sleep. He stayed in his room the whole time, I was scared he’d die there.”

So, Johan escaped the accident and stayed here briefly. Given his severe injuries, why didn’t he go to a hospital?

“He stayed for about a week, then suddenly asked me to call a taxi.”

“Do you remember the taxi’s number?”

“Yes. The guy’s a local. I still call him for guests that stay here…”

“Could you provide his contact information?”

After I obtained the driver’s contact information, I arranged a meeting with him. Like the motel owner, the driver also remembered that day vividly. A man, covered head to toe in old clothes, who remained completely silent throughout the ride.

“So?”

“I thought he was crazy. But upon arrival, he asked me to wait, fetched four 50,000 won bills, handed them to me, and disappeared.”

Those were his last known movements.

“Do you remember where you dropped him off?”

“Hmm, it wasn’t a building, just a secluded alley.”

Perhaps he didn’t go home directly, to avoid being traced. Still, he wouldn’t have stopped far from where he lived, especially if he were injured.

“Do you recall the neighborhood’s name?”

“It was Seon… something.”

“Seonan-dong?”

“Yes! That was it.”

I couldn’t help but chuckle. Every clue pointed to the same place.