FRWD Ch 11

His condition had been at its absolute worst since the morning.

He had returned home after having sex for nearly twenty four hours straight until Sunday. It was empty, tiring, and felt awful, but to say he was reluctant was a load of bull. Strangely, the more they did it, the more desperate he became, to the point where he had even forced himself to scrape together his depleted stamina and cling to him.

Was he truly an animal? Or was it really because he was a guy with no pride or anything of the sort? On the night he returned home, clutching nothing but a heavy sense of self-loathing, Haseong tossed and turned for a long while, his mind in turmoil, before forcing himself to sleep for the sake of work the next day.

And then, around 4 in the morning, he woke up, breaking out in a cold sweat from a pain that felt like someone was wringing out his stomach like a dishrag. The pain subsided quickly after he took a painkiller, but sleep did not return after that. In a state of half-resignation, he decided to just lie with his eyes closed until it was time to get ready for work, and once again, all sorts of stray thoughts began to float around.

So, Yehan was that hyung from his childhood, they had reunited after twelve years and ended up in a relationship similar to sex partners, he had come to like Yehan, but Yehan himself did not even remember him and only thought of the little kid he had briefly encountered back then as a bothersome and annoying presence. He had been shocked to learn this, yet he had sex with him again, and he still liked Yehan….

‘This is just a complete mess.’

To begin with, ending up in a sexual relationship with the church hyung he had reunited with after twelve years was the start of the whole disaster. It was also a problem that Yehan, who remembered nothing, continued to act as kind as he had in the past, and it was a problem for himself that, having remembered, he could no longer accept that kindness as purely good like before.

Haseong let out deep sighs every time he turned his body over. When he woke up from a light doze, it was already past the time he should have showered. He had rinsed off with cold water in a hurry and rushed out without even time to dry his hair, so his throat felt hot all the way to work, but he ignored it. And the result of that….

“…The filming schedule got pushed back, so we have plenty of time, but still, you need to help me a lot with these parts….”

“……”

“Hey, Yoon Haseong!”

“Yes!”

Startled out of his half-dazed state by the thunderous shout, Haseong shot to his feet. Kim Jinho, his face muscles contorted into an intense frown, was sitting with his legs crossed, glaring in his direction. The annoyance seemed to ooze from every single strand of his hair, which was slicked back with wax, so Haseong immediately bowed his head.

“I am sorry.”

“You’re completely out of it, really. Did you hear what I said?”

“Ah, yes. You told me to read the synopsis and the script that’s out first, and to try making a few songs for the beginning….”

Haseong glanced down at the messy pile of files and stacks of paper in front of him and politely folded his hands. He had heard all of Kim Jinho’s instructions without missing a single one. It was just that his stomach was churning, causing him to miss the timing to say he would do so.

He had also heard the warning that Kim Jinho would be in charge of the drama’s main theme, so he shouldn’t touch it, and that he should make several backup songs with as different moods as possible, but to treat it like an assignment and not get his hopes up that those songs would actually be used in the drama.

He knew other composers were being brought in besides him, so he didn’t have high expectations, but regardless, if he did well, it was a chance for a song he made to be inserted, however briefly, into a drama whose success was practically guaranteed.

…And the current me, who was just spacing out in front of such a precious opportunity, was definitely not normal. He could make the excuse that his condition was so bad his head was spinning and he felt like he would throw up at any moment, but he couldn’t miss this opportunity just because his body ached a little.

“If you heard me, then answer. What are you doing just staring blankly?”

“I am sorry.”

He truly had no excuse for Kim Jinho. With nothing else to say besides “I’m sorry,” he kept bowing his head submissively, and Kim Jinho clicked his tongue loud enough for him to hear.

“Tsk, what’s wrong with you? And why are your cheeks so red? Do you have a fever?”

“I haven’t been feeling well since I woke up today.”

Was it a bad cold? The stomach pain had been going on for weeks, he couldn’t even remember how many. Still, until last week, it was at a level that could be described as uncomfortable or bothersome, but somehow the pain had worsened over the weekend. He hadn’t eaten much, so it couldn’t be indigestion, and it had lasted too long to be gastritis.

The strange reaction he had shown when he was with Yehan also bothered him. Usually, when one’s condition is poor, their sexual sensitivity tends to dull, but that day was something…. In any case, it was strange. And on top of that, the pain he had experienced at dawn today. Even Haseong, who was generally slow to notice his own condition, was beginning to think that it was about time he went to a hospital.

“Dude, then you should have said you were sick and gone to the hospital first.”

“You said you had something important to tell me today….”

“Would you die if you couldn’t see me today? I would have told you after you came back from the hospital, you know. And we’re done talking, man.”

Kim Jinho gestured behind him with his thumb. It was a signal for him to get out quickly so he could get back to his own work.

“Take an early leave and go to the hospital. I have to go out for a meeting soon anyway.”

“Thank you.”

He knew that despite his eccentric side, he was a good boss, so it didn’t feel that bad. Haseong packed his things and headed for the clinic that came up as the closest when he searched by distance on a map app.

Even though it was a weekday afternoon, the hospital lobby was quite crowded. It seemed to be because, for a neighborhood clinic, it had many departments and was quite large in scale. After filling out a first-visit form at a desk with a sign that read, ‘Simple Expression Test Available. Specialist in Residence,’ he had been waiting in a chair for about 30 minutes when it happened.

Finally allowed into the examination room, Haseong explained his symptoms over the past while and had his temperature taken first. The surprise of having a high fever of 38 degrees was brief; the more he spoke, the more questions the doctor asked, so the conversation ended up being longer than expected. After finishing a palpation, the doctor tilted his head and asked cautiously.

“Have you ever noticed a scent coming from you that wasn’t there before, or felt that your sexual sensitivity has become more heightened?”

“…A little? I think so.”

He was about to say it but had omitted it out of embarrassment, so it was amazing that the doctor had pinpointed it and asked first. But were things like that related to stomachaches or fevers? He was dubious, but he figured a specialist who was much smarter than him must have a reason for asking, so he nodded.

The doctor, who seemed to have a hunch about something, clicked his mouse with a troubled expression and suddenly recommended a blood test.

‘A blood test for just a bad cold?’

He became even more puzzled when he heard the explanation that it was a simple test that only checked for blood sugar and pheromones. When he asked why pheromones were included in the test items when he had already stated he was a Beta, the nurse simply smiled and fudged an answer, saying something unrelated about how the test results would be out within an hour because it was a simple test.

Since he had nothing else to do for an hour, he waited quietly in the hospital lobby. And when he was called back into the examination room, the doctor was holding a few sheets of paper in his hand. No sooner had Haseong pulled a round stool up to the desk and sat down than the doctor looked at the papers in his hand with a grim face.

“You should go to a larger hospital. It would be better for you to get a formal examination there and also be guided through the necessary procedures.”

“Wh-why? Am I possibly seriously ill?”

Haseong asked urgently, suddenly terrified. He should have come to the hospital sooner. In the few seconds he waited for the doctor’s answer, a storm of regret and fear swept over him. The doctor opened his mouth, saying, “It’s not something like that….” And then.

“Your pheromones, though very faint, are showing Omega traits. Based on the test results, it seems highly likely that this is a late expression.”

A shocking result fell upon him, one where a declaration of a serious illness would have been preferable. The moment he heard it, it was as if a warning bell was ringing—ding—in his head. Perhaps because he had heard something so unrealistic, time suddenly seemed to slow down as if it were fast-forwarding, and his vision distorted as if in a vortex.

“What do you mean….”

“It’s called late expression. It’s rare, but there are people like you, sir, who express their secondary gender after becoming an adult.”

“No, no, no…, suddenly? Like this?”

His voice grew louder in his bewilderment. Without showing any sign of surprise at the voice that resounded powerfully within the examination room, the doctor continued speaking.

“Genetics is usually cited as the main cause. Other than that, well, it’s reported that there’s a chance of late expression in cases of prolonged, excessive exposure to a dominant trait’s pheromones…. But cases like these are considered extremely rare.”

Prolonged, excessive exposure to a dominant trait’s pheromones. The reason Yehan flashed through his mind at that moment was surely because there was more than one or two things that fit. It was he himself who had given tacit permission to him, who had asked for his understanding, asking if it would be okay to leave his pheromones on him since his scent was nice.

No, but. The doctor also said that such cases are extremely rare, so surely not. Surely…. Something must have just gone wrong. It had to be. Haseong, who found it difficult to even keep his body upright, grabbed the edge of the desk, his palms growing sweaty and beginning to tremble like a leaf.

“Could-couldn’t the test results be wrong?”

“If you were a Beta, there shouldn’t be any pheromone reaction at all. But as you can see, sir.”

The doctor spread the test results he was holding onto the desk. A long bar-shaped graph was drawn on the paper. The center was 0, a character similar to an alphabet letter was written on both ends, and below the bar was a small tick mark. The doctor pointed to that tick mark with his pen and said.

“Do you see how it’s slightly off from 0? If you were a Beta, it wouldn’t move from the center at all.”

Just as he said, the tick mark was slightly off to the left from the 0 mark. About 5mm. Was it really because of this slight difference that he was getting a result saying he was an Omega? Haseong muttered incoherently.

“This is ridiculous. I have a hyung I know who’s an Alpha, and he’s never once said he could smell pheromones on me—.”

“People who have a late expression usually have underdeveloped pheromone glands, so their pheromones are weak, but your levels are particularly low, sir. It’s below the standard for a Recessive, so it would be difficult for the other person to sense your pheromones even if they were a Dominant.”

As he seemed unwilling to accept it, the doctor even scribbled down equations with numbers and tildes to explain, but none of it registered in his eyes. Haseong let out a cry that was like a final struggle.

“But I’ve never smelled anyone else’s pheromones either! I’ve only ever smelled an unfamiliar scent from one person, and that was right after he showered, so it was definitely not pheromones but…!”

“It’s because your expression is still in progress, and your ability to detect pheromones itself is extremely low. You can only smell the scent when the other person is a Dominant, or when their pheromones are particularly strong right before a rut or heat.”

The doctor circled the 5mm gap that was slightly off from the center with his pen.

“It’s fortunate… though it’s awkward to put it that way, but even when you fully express, there won’t be much difference from when you were a Beta. The possibility of pregnancy is also remarkably low.”

“Preg-what did you say?”

He couldn’t listen with a clear mind any longer. He had lived his whole life as a typical man. He had pictured a modest future where, if he got married later, he would like his first child to be a daughter and the second a son, but he had never, not even in his dreams, pictured a future where he himself would get pregnant and give birth to a child.

It seemed the doctor was either a quack, or they had clearly tested someone else’s blood instead of his. As Haseong shot up from his seat, the round stool rolled far away with a clatter. A rather loud clanking sound was made, but the doctor looked up at Haseong calmly, without a hint of surprise.

“I fully understand that it must be difficult for you to accept. So please go to a specialized clinic, get a detailed examination, and….”

For someone who claimed to fully understand, the doctor continued his explanation with a cruelly business-like attitude. There was a hospital with comprehensive testing facilities about 30 minutes away from here, so he would make an appointment first, and he would prescribe suppressants just in case.

Naturally, not a single word registered properly in Haseong’s ears. Still, the doctor persistently repeated the same words. That he had to be careful since his expression was just beginning. The doctor hammered in the final nail with the words that the body aches and stomach pains would subside on their own once the expression was complete and his body stabilized.

“And as you know, you must be careful about contraception when having sexual intercourse with an Alpha, regardless of gender. The possibility of pregnancy is low, not nonexistent.”

As Hase’s paying for the hospital bill, the nurse cautiously asked him if he would like to fill out the registration form here. Her whispering voice, saying that even if it wasn’t this hospital, he should register as a secondary gender holder by attaching the test results as soon as possible, was particularly quiet. Haseong easily noticed that she was being considerate so that the other patients behind them wouldn’t hear.

So he bit back the urge to shout, Don’t be ridiculous, I can’t trust this hospital. Since they had told him to go to a specialized hospital, he said he would register after seeing the results there, and the nurse did not press him any further and returned his card.

“Always carry your suppressants with you.”

Haseong shoved the suppressants the nurse handed him on the sly, as if she were a drug dealer, into his pocket and fled the hospital as if running away.

It must have just been time for school to let out, as the streets were bustling with students in school uniforms. He walked to avoid the children who were chattering boisterously with expressions that said everything in the world was joyful and happy, then stopped and looked up at the sky. The clear autumn sky was ridiculously high.

‘Is this a dream?’

Ever since he was told he had become an Omega, Haseong’s sense of reality had long since vanished. So if this ridiculous situation was truly real, it shouldn’t just stop here; a meteorite should be on its way, or people should be turning into zombies, or Mount Paektu should at least erupt to make it right.

Standing blankly in the middle of the street, he tried slapping his cheek with a loud smack, but the surrounding scenery did not change. If he had his way, he would have wanted to stay frozen in place until his runaway sense of reality and mind came back hand in hand. But he couldn’t even do that, as just standing in the cold wind made his feverish head spin dizzily.

In the end, Haseong returned home with nothing resolved and only a higher fever. He was so drained of energy that his footsteps were staggering by the time he was climbing up the alleyway.

He kicked off his shoes at the entrance and crawled on all fours to barely spread out his bedding. He was so sick and out of it that the thought that it was gross to lie in bed without washing didn’t even cross his mind.

He picked up a water bottle that was rolling on the floor, took his medicine, then took off only the clothes that were easy to remove and pulled the covers over himself. And then, with his eyes, which were hot with fever and throbbing, squinted open, he picked up his phone.

‘Specialized hospital…. near my neighborhood….’

First, he looked up hospitals. The one the doctor had recommended was too far. Weekday or not, on the closest possible day, at the earliest possible time. Fortunately, there was a place where he could get a consultation as a walk-in tomorrow morning, so he immediately recorded it in his app. And then he searched for information about late expression before squeezing his eyes shut. His eyeballs ached as if they would fall out.

As soon as his surroundings grew dark, the thought that came to mind was self-pity, along the lines of ‘Why did something like this have to happen to me of all people?’.

He looked it up and found that the rate of late expression among the entire secondary gender population was less than 5%. Why was the doctor at the hospital he had just visited a specialist in that field of all things, to have immediately suspected the symptoms of late expression? And why did that suspicion have to be so damn accurate, leading him, of all people, to be part of that 5%?

And not even an Alpha, but an Omega. Pheromone levels lower than a Recessive’s. Was it a relief that, thanks to that, there was little difference from being a Beta? No, perhaps it was a misfortune. There must be a good reason why everyone coveted and praised Dominants, calling them Dominant, Dominant.

What followed self-pity was a time of painful self-loathing.

Why did he give Yehan permission to leave his pheromones on him back then? …Well, because he didn’t know something like this would happen. Didn’t the doctor also say that such cases were extremely rare? If he had known that late expression could strike so suddenly and unexpectedly, he would never have given permission. And Yehan would not have made such a request of him either.

‘Kids like us who have no parental fortune or anything of the sort at least need to be sharp…. You’re just too foolish, that’s your problem.’

The last words his stepsister had said to him at the moment of their parting couldn’t have hit him so painfully in his current situation. It was the last thing she had said before she got into a university and moved to the countryside. At the time, neither his stepfather nor his mother had come to see her off, so it was just him and his sister at the terminal. It was probably because they were busy with the divorce proceedings.

The bewildered expression on his sister’s face when she saw him show up at the terminal on the back of Woochan’s motorcycle was still vivid. She had nagged him for a long time, asking why a guy who was about to start high school would waste his time coming all the way to a place like this when they would soon be strangers anyway, and only stopped her scolding when Haseong’s eyes welled up with tears and she hugged him. And that day, led by his sister’s hand, Haseong had eaten at a family restaurant for the first time in his life.

That must have been a considerable expense for his sister too. It would have been money she had saved up by working part-time and studying throughout high school, and it would have been the money left over after paying for her entrance and dorm fees with her own funds. After feeding him like that, it was only right before she got on the bus back at the terminal that his sister had pressed a note into Haseong’s hand and said those words.

That she wouldn’t be coming to Seoul anymore. That she planned to cut ties with everyone, including family, so he shouldn’t contact her either.

That was her answer to his cautious question of whether he could still contact her. At the time, he had only been hurt watching his sister turn away coldly and get on the bus, but looking back now, he understood. It was the greatest concern and advice she could give to the little brother who would soon become a stranger.

It would have been nice if he had been even half like his sister, so why couldn’t he be sharp, why did he always make such foolish choices one after another? Especially when it came to things related to Yehan. The worst part was that even while blaming himself for being foolish, he felt like he would make the same choices again if he went back. Starting from accepting his request to be partners, all the way to ending up falling for him.

He would refuse the matter of leaving pheromones on him if he knew the consequences, but, well. Since the me of that time would have no way of knowing the consequences, it would end up being a moot point. And above all, the most hopeless thing was.

“Hah, you idiot.”

It was himself, who, in this situation where his entire life was about to be turned upside down, was still worrying about something Yehan had said in passing. His words that he didn’t have relationships with Omegas. That one phrase he had heard in passing kept nagging at him.

‘It’s okay. It’s not certain.’

Finally, he reached the stage of forcing himself to think positively. He had said it was a simple test, and he must have been told to get re-tested at a specialized hospital because there was something inaccurate. He would get the proper results at a large hospital. Haseong fell asleep dreaming a dream where he fell to his knees in overwhelming emotion, clutching a result sheet that diagnosed him as a Beta.

And the next day, Haseong was diagnosed as an Omega again in the subsequent test. Unlike at the hospital he went to the day before, he received a test result sheet with his pheromone levels stamped right on it as a number, so he could no longer deny it.

At this point, it felt like the whole world was conspiring against him. Haseong pretended not to hear the calls to register as a secondary gender holder and came out as if he were running away.

As soon as he left the building, he pulled out a cigarette and frantically searched for his lighter. He had told Kim Jinho he would be in by lunchtime, so he had to hurry, but his troubled mind kept making him chain-smoke.

The only silver lining was that, thanks to having already completed up to the third stage of the thought process—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance—before falling asleep yesterday, his thoughts were slowly but surely getting organized.

…From now on, it was a time of endless depression and acceptance. He was depressed enough to have antisocial and resentful thoughts like, What are those people walking and laughing over there so happy about?, but no tears came out. It was as if even his tear ducts had dried up from the immense shock.

It was only after chain-smoking three cigarettes that Haseong slowly accepted reality.

‘I’ll have to tell hyung.’

Now that a major variable like pregnancy had arisen for him as a partner, it was absolutely right to tell him. He never thought a day would come in his life when he would have to worry about something like this….

Becoming gloomy again, Haseong cleared his thoughts as he took out a fourth cigarette. The probability of getting pregnant after breaking through all the challenges of being a male Omega, a late bloomer, and extremely Recessive was close to a miracle, but it was something he had to discuss first.

…The problem was Yehan’s reaction afterward.

He didn’t know the reason, but his preference was already not to have Omegas as bed partners, and he was a young top actor who was currently enjoying unrivaled popularity and setting new career highs with every project he appeared in. There was no way such a person would continue a relationship with an Omega who wasn’t even his type, while also taking on the risk of pregnancy.

However, the fact that he needed a partner for pheromone management and as a countermeasure during his ruts would not change, so the measures Yehan would take were ultimately obvious. He would find a replacement. A Beta man who was not only completely risk-free, unlike a male Omega where there was a one-in-a-million risk even with contraception, but was also his type.

He knew that while Yehan had long since established himself as an essential existence for him, Yoon Haseong was not that kind of existence for Yehan. Therefore, the replacement would be easily made, and the time he had spent together with Yehan under the pretext of being his partner would be passed on to that replacement. Perhaps even the luck and opportunities that came with it.

Putting all that aside, the only way he could repay the kindness he had received was by periodically having relations to help manage his pheromones, and now it seemed he wouldn’t even be able to do that anymore. In that case, what would be the value of a guy named Yoon Haseong’s existence to Yehan….

“Am I really crazy?”

Haseong muttered to himself and snapped the long cigarette he was holding.

For a celebrity like Yehan, dating, marriage, and pregnancy were literally fatal risks. Pregnancy, in particular, would have an enormous impact whether he had it after he got married or before he got married. But what if, while having sex with an ordinary man who wasn’t even his lover for the sake of pheromone management, the partner got pregnant? This was content that, if it were to be leaked even as a rumor, would put Yehan’s entertainment industry career in jeopardy.

When he was a Beta, he didn’t have to worry about such things, but he was no longer a Beta. This was something he absolutely had to discuss with him for Yehan’s sake. Not wallow in self-pity.

Of course, Haseong was human, so it wasn’t that he didn’t feel a surge of anger. In a way, Yehan was also to blame for his expression as an Omega, and he was already in a constantly depressed state because of Yehan.

It was obvious that he wouldn’t be in his future, yet it was also unfair that he himself was fretting over worrying about Yehan’s future. But that didn’t mean that the things he had done for him would become a past that never happened either.

Even if I fell for him without knowing my place, let’s at least observe the proprieties. Haseong muttered to himself as if reminding himself, and pushed the broken cigarette into the empty cigarette pack.

And after taking a deep breath, he sent a message to Yehan.

[Are you free this evening? I have something to tell you]

“What’s the occasion for you to contact me to meet up first? What is it you have to say?”

At the question that cut straight to the chase as soon as he got in the car, Haseong gulped and turned to look at the driver’s seat. A beaming smiling face, his hair uncharacteristically neatly swept back, and even a suit. Yehan, who was dressed up in a way that was distinctly different from his usual comfortable attire, seemed to be in a particularly good mood today.

He had said he had a commercial shoot schedule today, so it seemed he had come here with the styling he had received. Every time he moved his arm, a gentle lingering scent of perfume and various cosmetics mixed together, creating a pleasant fragrance. When he took a deep breath, he could also smell something like the bitter flower scent he had smelled at his house last time.

So this is Yehan’s pheromone scent. Haseong naturally realized. There was no way the smell of bath products would linger until now, quite some time after he had come outside. It was the scent that naturally emanated from Yehan, his pheromone scent. He hadn’t yet smelled the pheromone scent of anyone other than Yehan, but just as the doctor had said, it seemed he could smell it specifically because he was a Dominant.

His pheromone scent was very faint, masked by other fragrances. The problem was that the inside of the car was an enclosed space, so he was helplessly exposed to the scent continuously. He tried holding his breath as much as he could, but it wasn’t long before, just like last time, his mood became hazy and relaxed again, and the strength drained from his body. Haseong fanned himself with his hand, pretending to be hot, rolled down the window, and muttered with his gaze fixed outside the car window.

“That’s… for later.”

The moment he said he had expressed as an Omega, the current peaceful atmosphere was bound to be shattered. So Haseong decided to tell him right before they parted ways.

“What is it? Is it something like a surprise?”

“Something… similar.”

“Okay, then.”

His shoulders flinched at the words, “I’ll look forward to it.” Haseong kept his gaze fixed outside the window and barely managed to calm his trembling heart with constant deep breaths.

The car sped along the highway for a long while. The question of what kind of restaurant he was taking him to that they were coming out this far was quickly answered as soon as they exited the highway. After driving straight along a mountain road, the magnificent exterior of a restaurant building appeared not long after. Around it, there was only the restaurant, an incredibly vast parking lot, and the mountains surrounding it.

The parking lot was lined with foreign cars whose names you would have heard at least once. In a scene that resembled a dragon palace in the mountains, Haseong eagerly looked around as he entered the restaurant.

During the meal, Yehan expressed concern, asking why he had not been eating at all lately, but he seemed to let it go when Haseong explained he had no appetite due to the lingering effects of a bad cold. After leaving a little of the food that came out for his portion, Haseong followed an employee’s guidance that the backyard was connected to a bamboo forest trail and went outside with Yehan.

Just in time, Yehan also suggested that they take a walk to digest their food before leaving. It seemed like the perfect opportunity to set the mood while walking and bring up the subject. In the evening bamboo forest, which exuded a somewhat eerie atmosphere, a rustling sound echoed every time the wind blew. This, too, seemed good for a serious conversation, so he was waiting for the right moment.

Yehan’s cell phone vibrated. He immediately took out his phone, narrowed his eyes upon checking the caller ID, and then shoved it back into his coat pocket.

The vibration, which seemed to have stopped, immediately began to ring again. This time, it was a complete ignore. In the quiet forest, only the sound of the vibration buzzed endlessly. Haseong glanced at his coat pocket and asked cautiously.

“Are you not going to answer your phone?”

“It is a call I do not need to answer. It is my grandfather.”

“Pardon?”

“A grandchild who does not get along with his grandparents. Is that not a pretty common case?”

Is it common? Haseong had never met his grandparents, neither paternal nor maternal, so he had nothing to compare it to.

“I have never met my grandfather or grandmother….”

“I also completely cut ties with that side after my mid-twenties. Ah, I did see them forcibly a while ago. Because of Hyeongseok.”

“Was that why you were away during Chuseok?”

“Hyeongseok was making such a fuss, saying my grandmother was on her deathbed, so I went. If it gets out that I did not even show my face before she passed, a pretty article will pop up somewhere again.”

Yehan grumbled that he had no choice because this was a time when he had to be particularly careful about his reputation, with his casting recently confirmed. He clicked his tongue as if to openly express his disappointment.

“But when I actually went, she was gasping for breath, but it was not like she was going to go right away. I was tricked.”

“Oh, ah, uh, that is a relief… I should say, um.”

It was a relief she did not pass away, but Yehan seemed extremely irritated by that very fact, so Haseong mumbled his words.

“Thanks to that, I was held captive and heard a bunch of things I did not want to hear.”

“Things you did not want to hear? What could they possibly have to say to you that you would not want to hear?”

He is handsome, he earns good money, there is no one who does not know the name Go Yehan wherever you go, is he not a proud grandson whom everyone would envy? Genuinely unable to understand, Hase’s head tilted in confusion. Yehan, who had shown a blank face for a moment, immediately curved his eyes into a beautiful smile.

“I know, right? Why don’t you ask them for me, Haseong?”

“…If you want me to…. Should I answer it if they call back later?”

“Ah, this is driving me crazy, really.”

It was an answer he had mustered up courage for, but Yehan clutched his stomach and laughed for a long time. As if having his sincerity blatantly ignored was not enough, he was now being made fun of, and Haseong, feeling subtly offended, pressed his lips firmly together.

Yehan hugged Haseong from behind and nuzzled his cheek against his. Whispering the ticklish words that he was laughing because Haseong was so cute, he continued to chuckle before suddenly stopping his laughter. Soon after, a small voice scattered, mixed with the wind.

“It is just something I do not like by my standards, it is not a big deal. It is just them lamenting while looking at my face, wondering how I could take after my mother so perfectly.”

“Why is that?”

Haseong had also seen Yehan’s mother, Yoo Seojin’s, face several times through the media. From her elegant eyes and the corners of her mouth that were slightly lifted as if she were always smiling, to her pretty neckline and her fair, clear skin even at her age. Except for the atmosphere she exuded, she and Yehan were the spitting image of each other.

Even when Yoo Seojin smiled, she gave off a cool feeling, creating an impression that made her difficult to approach, whereas Yehan was always as bright as a spring day as long as he was not expressionless. It was enough to make one feel the mystery of genetics, how their features could be identical as if cast from the same mold, yet their smiles could be so different.

‘I guess he takes after his father’s side in terms of impression.’

And probably his personality too. In a way, Yehan had inherited only the good parts of his parents. Of course, since Go Hyunwook was also famous for being a handsome man, he would have been handsome even if he had resembled him in appearance.

In any case, it is natural for a child to resemble their parents, yet to think that resembling one side perfectly could be a reason for criticism. Haseong, unable to comprehend it at all, asked again, and Yehan continued his explanation in a quiet, calm voice.

“Their beloved son married a woman they already disliked, and then had a child, but since that child is the spitting image of the daughter in law, it is understandable that they would not like the sight of it.”

“Aha….”

“It got worse after my father passed away like that. After driving a person to the brink of insanity, the moment I said I was going to pursue acting, their mouths split into wide grins….”

In the brief silence, Yehan’s hesitation was palpable. Should I continue speaking, or should I not. Haseong waited silently. If he did not want to say more, he was prepared to respect his choice, and it would be the same if he chose to confide more.

He was happy that Yehan was telling him such stories, as it was proof of how much he trusted him, but he did not dare to even think of pressing him to say more.

Yehan let out a breath and, pressing his thumbnail into a bamboo leaf within his grasp, opened his mouth again.

“In return, when I said I would debut on the condition that I would not reveal that I was Go Hyunwook’s son, they threw another fit. Getting older does not automatically make one tight lipped, I guess. In the end, they were the ones who personally released the article with their own hands.”

“…I take back what I said about it being a relief.”

“Haha!”

Learning the inside story of why he had not revealed that he was Go Hyunwook’s son at the time of his debut, and why it was revealed only after several years, Haseong felt a surge of emotion himself and kicked a nearby stone. With grandparents like that, it was only natural that they would not get along.

“When they were tormenting you like that when you were young, did your father not get angry? …Before he passed away.”

“Well. He was the one who, more than anyone, welcomed and at the same time hated being told that I resembled my mother.”

It was a puzzling answer. Haseong tried to turn around to at least see Yehan’s expression, but the arm wrapped around his waist did not lose its strength.

Eventually, he gave up on pulling away and just craned his neck to look up at Yehan. However, the small, lightbulb like lamps hanging between the bamboo stalks were very dim, casting only a shadow on his side profile and not helping to secure a clear view at all.

Yehan, with an unreadable expression, muttered as if talking to himself.

“When I was young, sometimes, my father would gaze at my face intently. Just like a person searching for something they had lost.”

Haseong did not know if Yehan was smiling or expressionless, but it was clear that he was staring at some distant place. It was a similar face to the one he had on the rooftop when he told him the story about his own mother. Haseong simply listened quietly, looking at the same spot where Yehan’s gaze was directed.

“Around that time, my mother’s heart had completely left my father, so she did not come home often.”

The words he had tossed out here and there until now came together like puzzle pieces. His father, who said he did not gift shoes for fear his wife would run away.

An unreciprocated imprinting on an unconventional mother leading to a bad end… he was probably indirectly saying that he had committed suicide. It was easy enough to guess from just those words that a devastating one sided love was the cause of his suicide.

“Whether he wanted to see my mother in my face, or what. There is no way to know now, though.”

The content, and the voice, were both desolate beyond measure. It might have sounded that way because of the chilly wind and the eerie atmosphere. Perhaps Yehan was just telling a story from his childhood without much thought. But at least, that is how it sounded to Haseong.

What would be the right thing to say? I want to comfort him…. Just like he always did for me. But Haseong was not as eloquent as Yehan, nor was he particularly logical. After mumbling whatever came to mind several times, what came out was something that seemed completely random but was something he had always wanted to say.

“To me, you are the only one.”

“……”

Even if Yehan does not remember me. Even if the only means by which I could help him—by telling him that I had presented as an omega—is gone. Even if one day, both he and I meet other people suited to our respective situations and fall in love. Still, Yehan would remain the only one for me. Even if this seemingly endless one sided love comes to an end.

He could feel a clear gaze looking down at him, but due to the faint lighting, Yehan would not be able to see his expression properly either. It was a relief that neither could see the other’s face. If it had been a bright, open space, he would not have even thought of saying such a thing out of embarrassment.

“It is embarrassing to say it so suddenly, and with words at that…. but to me, you are the most grateful… and best, the only person I have ever met in my life.”

Greedily adding the word ‘best,’ Haseong slowly lowered his head. He was not confessing that he wanted to be in a formal relationship with him, he was just expressing the gratitude he had been conveying whenever he had the chance in a more specific way, but the more he spoke, the hotter his face grew and the heavier his head felt.

“S, so, do not worry about things like being told you resemble someone, or that you should have resembled someone….”

Of course, the words of a family member would be more 신경 쓰일 [bothersome/on one’s mind] than the words of a complete stranger like him, but still, he wanted Yehan to know. That to someone, you have established yourself as an irreplaceable, unique existence.

But after he finished speaking, a wave of doubt washed over him. From Yehan’s perspective, it would have just looked like a young kid getting overwhelmed with emotion and rambling on. Haseong rubbed his dry face awkwardly and kicked the toe of his shoe.

“I am sorry if I am being presumptuous.”

“…You just have to add that one useless phrase to ruin a person’s mood….”

As Yehan’s words trailed off, Haseong’s body was spun around. And before he had time to be surprised, his lips were devoured greedily. It was the first time Yehan had pressed his body against him with such desperation, other than when he was in rut. Still, it was good.

Haseong, breathing heavily, parted his lips as Yehan led and gladly accepted the tongue that delved inside.

The wind that had felt chilly against his skin had become lukewarm at some point. Thanks to Haseong’s active response, the act became even more intimate. The kiss, which had continued wetly with their tongues intertwined and swallowing each other’s saliva, ended with a moist sound.

“Since we are where we are, I have a confession to make too.”

As their lips, which had been pressed together for a long time, parted, a hot breath escaped. Wiping Haseong’s panting lips with the back of his hand, Yehan bent down to meet his eyes. The words that followed were enough to make his pounding heart drop.

“I want you to be nice only to me, Haseong. Only to me.”

“Eut….”

The fingers that had been gently caressing his lips gradually began to apply pressure, and by the time Yehan pronounced the word ‘only,’ his lips were being crushed painfully. The fingers soon invaded the inside of his mouth, probing the tender flesh. As if no answer was needed.

“Then I think I can continue to be a good person in front of you, Haseong.”

The plan to reveal the fact that he had presented as an omega at an opportune moment while strolling through the forest together had failed miserably. Far from revealing it, he had only shared a kiss so intense it made his body heat up, and now, returning to the parking lot, he felt like a defeated soldier in heat.

What in the world am I doing. It was not like he had only kissed Yehan once or twice, so why did he lose his mind and cling to him every single time? It was when Haseong was repeatedly blaming his own weak self control.

“Oh? Sunbaenim!”

A man who was about to get into a nearby parked car suddenly lifted his head, looked this way, and called out to his senior in a booming voice. The gaze was clearly directed this way, but at the unfamiliar title of ‘sunbaenim’ coming from a complete stranger, Haseong unconsciously looked left and right.

Who is it? In the meantime, the man closed his car door again and strode over.

“Hello. To think I would see you in a place like this, sunbaenim!”

The man, of slightly below average height and a slender build, had a particularly pretty face. So much so that the moment he saw him, he had an intuition that he was a celebrity. Sure enough, the man approached Yehan and bowed at a ninety degree angle.

When the man bowed, the nape of his neck was naturally exposed. It was right after that that a scent he had never smelled before in his life brushed past the tip of his nose. Haseong reflexively moved his body back and held his breath. The scent itself was nice. It was nice, but it was like the feeling of having poured strong perfume onto a car seat. The scent was already strong, but the smell of leather mixed with it made him feel carsick.

‘Is this person also an alpha or an omega?’

He would not be walking around bathed in so much perfume, so he must have a secondary gender. It was the first time he had smelled another person’s pheromones besides Yehan’s.

Recalling the doctor’s words that his pheromone levels were almost no different from a beta’s, and that he would only be able to detect another’s pheromones if they were a dominant, or if they were strong just before a heat or rut, the experience felt new.

And he had been told that those of the same secondary gender feel repulsion when they smell each other’s pheromones… so this person was probably an omega. He had been warned in advance at the hospital, but he had not known it would be this nauseating.

However, he could not openly cover his nose or show that he was feeling queasy, so Haseong tried his best not to frown and breathed in through his mouth.

“…I know. Were you on your way out after dinner?”

Yehan responded in a gentle tone and checked the watch on his wrist. The man straightened his back vigorously and smiled brightly.

“Yes! It is so nice to see you like this. I was disappointed that I did not have a chance to see you at all after filming together last time.”

“If fate allows, there will be another chance to work together again.”

“I sincerely hope so too. It would be an honor to work with you on anything, sunbaenim!”

Huu, exhaling the breath he had taken in through his mouth out through his nose, Haseong gazed blankly at the man’s face. Looking at him like this, he seemed familiar. It was a face he had definitely seen several times on the internet or on TV.

Quietly retracing his memories, Haseong remembered that the man was a member of a famous idol group and a fairly popular celebrity who had expanded his activities to acting a few years ago. He even remembered that he had appeared as a supporting actor in a movie where Yehan was the lead.

‘He is extremely friendly.’

In that movie, he had a blunt role with very few lines. But seeing him in person, he had a bright, smiling face, a booming voice, and seemed to be well mannered.

“But who is this person…?”

It seemed the man had been observing the person he was meeting for the first time as well, as he flicked his eyes toward Haseong and asked. Just as he was hesitating, wondering if he should step forward and introduce himself, Yehan took a step ahead, slightly shielding Haseong with his body and answering for him.

“He is a private acquaintance.”

“Ah, I thought so because he is so handsome, I wondered if he was a junior I was not aware of!”

“He is not an idol.”

“Well, with this face in the idol industry, it would be strange if I did not know him. Wow, but isn’t it a national loss for him not to debut with this face? You are really handsome.”

The man raised his fist in a gesture of support as he looked at Haseong. At the honest and friendly compliment, Haseong was about to discreetly step out to accept the greeting.

“Thank….”

“It is getting too late. Let’s go.”

Yehan once again took a few steps forward, completely blocking Haseong’s body. As if telling him to get in the car first, Yehan gestured with his chin towards where the man’s car was parked.

“It was nice meeting you. Get home safely.”

“Ah, yes! You too, sunbaenim, drive safely!”

After another deep, respectful bow, almost folding his waist at a right angle, the man finally got into his car. Looking closely, there were already a few people sitting in the passenger and back seats.

To think he would come all the way over to greet Yehan while making his companions wait, he was a very polite person, Haseong thought as he also started walking.

Soon, the man’s car started and left the parking lot first. Haseong, following Yehan, was about to sit in the passenger seat. As he was about to fasten his seatbelt, Yehan started the car and muttered.

“Of all things, he is worried about my driving.”

“…Are you not on good terms with him?”

Since the tone and content were by no means positive, Haseong asked quietly. Seeing how they had just been conversing, it was surprising, as they had seemed like a warm senior junior relationship with mutual respect. Yehan let out a smirk and started the car.

“Hm? It is not like that. I do not even remember his name, so how could there be good or bad terms?”

How could he not remember his name when they even filmed a movie together? And it was a pretty successful movie at that. Although none of Yehan’s movies had failed, that one in particular was a blockbuster, considered one of his representative works.

At this point, the suspicion even arose that perhaps his not remembering him was due to Yehan’s memory not being very detailed. But to say that, he had confirmed multiple times while watching him from the side that Yehan possessed a memory superior to that of an average person.

He always remembered all the important things, and if necessary, he could recall what was said without missing a single syllable. So, it was correct to assume that his excellent memory simply did not function for things or people he was not interested in.

Thinking that, he somehow felt a sense of kinship with that famous idol, and Haseong timidly defended him.

“He is a pretty famous idol. I do not watch much TV, but even I recognized him right away.”

“That is unusual. Were you interested in him before?”

“Just so so….”

Interested in what. Before meeting Yehan, Haseong had absolutely no interest in celebrities or the entertainment industry.

The reason he recognized that man just now was because after he started to like Yehan, he had familiarized himself with his face while going through all the movies and dramas he had appeared in. As for the man’s group’s songs, he happened to know a few because he was the type to listen to all the hit songs.

But to honestly say, ‘I found out while looking through your filmography,’ felt embarrassing and like he was losing. As Haseong vaguely nodded and trailed off, Yehan’s questions became even sharper.

“Were you interested in the group he belongs to? Or don’t tell me, his acting?”

“I listened to the idol group’s songs a few times for studying, and his acting… yes, well.”

He remembered him appearing as a silent supporting character who died in the latter half. No, he did not die, he was taken to the hospital. Anyway, his role had a large presence but was not particularly memorable in the context of the entire work, and since he had not seen the man’s acting since then, Haseong just vaguely mumbled his words.

“That is funny. No matter how much we made him act, he never improved, so we ended up taking out all his lines and changing his character to a silent one before we could finally get an okay sign.”

There was no way for Haseong to know such a behind the scenes story. Would that man even know? That Yehan, whom he had briefly encountered while coming to eat, was harshly criticizing his acting skills….

“He was even so stupid that he could not memorize his lines if they were more than two lines long. At first, I thought he was a goldfish.”

In his monotonous and gentle voice, not a trace of malice could be found. However, its content was openly laced with disregard and contempt. Haseong, flabbergasted, glared at Yehan.

“…It just seems like you dislike him. You say you do not even remember his name, so why do you remember all that?”

He had completely forgotten his own existence. The most saddening thing was Yehan’s behavior, who at least remembered what that man had done. …Or was it? Perhaps it was less miserable to have one’s existence itself forgotten than to be remembered only for one’s mistakes and shortcomings while everything else is forgotten.

“His performance had to be impressive, you know. The atmosphere on set was so cold for a while because of that guy. And we could not replace him because he got in through his agency’s connections.”

Yehan’s expression as he said this was so cold that one could guess what the atmosphere on the set must have been like back then. Leaving everything else aside, it seemed he disliked him because he was enough of a nuisance to interfere with filming. Hearing the reason, it was somewhat understandable.

Haseong, observing the atmosphere that had frozen in an instant, silently gazed at Yehan’s emotionless side profile.

“So, are you upset because of what happened back then?”

It was fascinating that Yehan, who tried his best to hide any sign of displeasure even while dealing with the incredibly rude Woochan and the band members, was now openly cursing like this. Perhaps because his main job was an actor, he hated people who got a role without being able to act more than people whose words and actions were vulgar and crude.

At Haseong’s question, Yehan wrinkled his nose as if troubled.

“Ah, it is not that. It is because that friend is an omega.”

“O, omega, why is that….”

Haseong was flustered as he was still looking for the right timing and way to tell him about his own presentation. What did Yehan being upset have to do with that man being an omega? As he stammered and asked back, Yehan retorted as if spitting out the words.

“His pheromones were leaking out, whether he was on the verge of heat or what. It was so annoying, I could not stand it.”

“……”

“This is why I want to avoid getting involved with omegas as much as possible. He is acting like that because he cannot control himself either, is he not? Ha, if your job is to deal with people, you should at least… take suppressants or something.”

His two hands, which had been resting casually on his thighs, trembled. Afraid Yehan would notice, Haseong hid his hands in his coat pockets and cleared his throat. It was to prevent his voice from trembling pathetically as well.

“…You must dislike, omegas….”

“It is not that I dislike omegas themselves. To be precise, I hate the feeling of my body and mind losing my complete control because of someone else’s pheromones.”

It was a truly noble reason, just like him. So much so that the moment I heard it, I was immediately convinced, thinking, ‘Ah, right. If it’s him, that could be the case.’ And so, Haseong had no choice but to continue listening silently to Yehan’s words.

“As an alpha, I do get aroused when I smell omega pheromones. Even though a guy like the one from before is not my type at all, the fact that my body gets turned on regardless of my will, it is like I am some kind of beast.”

It was once again brought home to him how he uniquely expressed concepts related to secondary genders by comparing them to words associated with beasts.

He genuinely thought of individuals with secondary genders who formed relationships under the spell of pheromones as beasts, and he was wary of becoming like that himself. This was not simply a matter of not preferring omegas as sexual partners.

“It would be a relief if it were just my body getting turned on. What if I were to imprint on someone by accident? From then on, my mind goes too.”

“Why imprinting….”

“I think imprinting is when pheromones, like a narcotic substance, manipulate a person’s brain and turn them into a lunatic.”

Yehan tapped his own head. As he spoke about imprinting, a deeper sense of disgust than ever before emanated from him. Haseong’s tightly clenched palms had long since gone numb from being pressed by his own fingernails. Haseong applied even more pressure to those palms and barely managed to speak.

“Then what do you do? I, if, like that person from before, they are on the verge of heat, or if, or if a friend or acquaintance of yours unavoidably releases pheromones….”

“Ah, I hate that, so I do not keep omegas as acquaintances at all.”

“…Pardon?”

“In public settings, most of them take suppressants, so it is fine, and in private, I can just avoid them.”

Yehan replied lightly, saying he does not keep any omegas as acquaintances other than his mother. Haseong asked, feeling as though he were grasping at straws.

“Then what if someone you already know turns out to be an omega….”

“That is a truly, a hypothetical situation only possible because you are a beta, Haseong.”

Yehan laughed as if he had just heard something absurd. A kind explanation followed, stating that even if one tries to hide it, pheromones are faintly perceptible among those with secondary genders, and as a dominant, he was particularly sensitive and could not possibly fail to notice. It was a moment when he desperately felt that his own pheromone level, which was even lower than the recessive standard, could not have been more fortunate.

Yehan, who had been contemplating for a while, calling it an interesting hypothetical even though it was realistically almost impossible, finally opened his mouth.

“If such a case were to occur, it would be a shame, but that would be the end of it.”

I am screwed.

As if a series of disaster alerts were going off, Haseong’s mind was plastered with a single thought. I am screwed.

“Ah, right. But what was it you had to tell me?”

At this very juncture, Yehan brought up the matter. But Haseong, half in a state of panic, could only stall foolishly.

“…I know. What was it.”

“How anticlimactic. Well then, tell me later when you remember.”

Had the hand that affectionately ruffled his hair ever felt so heavy? Haseong, crushed by its weight, lowered his head.

The first thought that came to mind upon receiving the message that he had something to say was, ‘Is he doing this to confess?’ It was a natural thought, as Haseeong had been so overtly showing his feelings for him lately. Thanks to that, a period of intense deliberation had followed right after receiving Haseong’s message.

If I reject his confession, with his shy personality, he will not try to continue our meetings anymore. And he still wanted to play around with him more. Above all, the thought of him stammering and squeezing out the words ‘I like you,’ for some reason….

‘It does seem like it would be cute.’

If someone were to ask how a man with a blunt impression, who was clearly tall and well built, could seem cute, he would have nothing to say. But it was also a fact that it had been quite a while since he started to feel that, while watching his antics and thinking he was a fool, he was also cute on the other hand. It was only human instinct to feel more affection for the moderately foolish and naive type than for the cunning types who looked out for their own interests, so it could not be helped.

He could roughly predict what kind of expression and tone he would use to confess. His eyes would be cast down diagonally towards the floor, and with his characteristic hesitant speech, he would start with a long winded preamble. If he were to gently prod him by pretending not to understand, he would probably look up at him resentfully with a reddened face before mumbling out the main point.

That imagining was not bad at all, so he seemed to have deliberated for an unusually long time on something he would have normally just smirked at and quickly organized his thoughts on. So much so that he made a blooper, which he rarely did, not in a drama, but during a commercial shoot. Thanks to that, the shoot ended a bit later than scheduled.

The stylist, knowing he felt stuffy when he wore makeup for a long time, immediately approached him with cleansing products, but Yehan refused him and came out.

“What is up with you contacting me to meet first? What is it you have to say?”

But Haseong, whom he actually met, did not at all have the face of someone about to confess his feelings. Rather, it was a gloomy face that would have been more fitting for a confession that he had a serious illness or had committed a crime and was on the run.

‘What is this.’

Yehan was flustered. Not just by Haseong’s state, but by himself, who had lost all excitement and become indifferent the moment he saw that face.

Why so suddenly? Don’t tell me I was looking forward to it. …Why? It would only become a nuisance if he received a confession. He was just flustered because he could not understand himself. Come to think of it, he had experienced something similar to this before.

The day Haseong unilaterally canceled their plans, when he had visited his house with porridge and medicine under the pretext of being worried, half out of spite and half out of suspicion. The reason why he had felt anger surge up, rather than curiosity or pity, upon seeing Haseong crying, was due to his own childish assumption, which made him let out a hollow laugh even thinking about it again. Even though he was the one who had said it was fine to end this kind of relationship at any time if he found a woman he liked.

It was the first time in his life that he had felt such a momentary surge of anger, and the first time he had acted so childishly. The realization that he had acted strangely came belatedly, and a sense of self loathing had washed over him. But at that time, he had at least an excuse to justify his strange behavior. That he was resentful for being stood up after he had so generously taken the time out for him. That was why he had gone to see him in the first place.

Yes, he could think of that day’s events that way and move on. But now, he did not even have that excuse.

“I will look forward to what you have to say.”

Yehan pretended to be graciously considerate of Haseong, who said he would tell him later, and deliberately drove a long way. The one who actually needed time to think was him.

He still had no intention of dating. As someone who believed that love itself was a type of temporary mental derangement, he did not want to immerse himself in such a self destructive and pathological act. But paradoxically, he was quite pleased that Haseong harbored such feelings for him.

This was the problem. Wasn’t his original plan to sort things out appropriately around the time Haseong fell for him and became someone he could sway at will, by which point he himself would have gradually lost even his sexual interest?

And yet, far from showing signs of getting tired of him, a novel desire to make him a cripple who only listens to his words and keep him by his side is welling up. Even a confession, which would normally have been just a nuisance, was something he was subtly looking forward to simply because he thought the sight would be cute. It was clear to anyone that he had long since deviated from the normally functioning track.

He knew that the answer to getting back on the original track was to shatter this abnormally changed board itself, but….

“Then I think I can continue to be a good person in front of you, Haseong.”

Instead of shattering it, Yehan chose to temporarily repair it. The moment he saw Haseong, who was telling him he was the only one with such unbearably fond eyes, the suffocating feeling and the sensation of the ground collapsing beneath his feet had presented Yehan with a rather unfamiliar emotion. He guessed it was probably guilt, or perhaps a sense of indebtedness.

To Haseong, he had no choice but to be the only one. At the young age of twenty two, living alone without a proper family, and now that even the people he had relied on had all left, the existence of Go Yehan was truly no different from a sole lifeline. In fact, that was partly what Yehan had intended.

He introduced Hyeongseok and Jinho in turn, pinning them down to work at their establishments, in other words, places under his control, planted the seeds of division within the band, made severing ties a condition for Woochan to never appear again, and even with Haseong’s mother’s matter, instead of helping him maintain contact with his only family by lending him money, he had remained a bystander.

He did not regret or feel sorry for those actions at all. If they had been good people, it would be a different story, but they were all trash. But the fact that after clearing away all that trash, the only one left by his side was a guy like him, for that one thing, he felt a strong sense of apology for the first time.

So, let’s at least remain a good person until the very end. If Haseong wanted it, he would maintain a relationship of close older brother and younger brother even after his own interest had faded, Yehan made an uncharacteristically generous decision.

If he just acted as he was now, he thought he too could continue as he was now, suppressing the occasional sadistic and unfamiliar desires that welled up.

Although that resolution was almost shattered within ten minutes because of some guy he met in the parking lot. Whether the guy mistook Haseong for an alpha because of his own alpha pheromones that he had smeared all over Haseong’s body, or whether the guy was just horny because his heat cycle was imminent. That guy had overtly released his pheromones at Haseong.

In any case, Haseong did not even know whether pheromones were being released at him or not. Unless told directly, as a beta, he had no way of knowing, and so Yehan also dismissed the guy as just an omega on the verge of heat and kept his mouth shut.

It was a bit annoying that Haseong knew the guy’s name and face, but… anyway, he was a kid in the music industry, and he was not some primitive living in the mountains, so he managed his feelings, thinking this much was unavoidable. Besides, what he had to say must not have been a big deal, as it was passed over vaguely like that.

The problem started from the day after.

—The customer you have called has their phone turned off, after the beep….

“Again.”

A complaint naturally escaped Yehan’s lips at Haseong’s recent behavior of frequently turning off his cell phone. He had been told that he would be turning off his phone and immersing himself in his work to concentrate, as it was his first major project as an assistant, but this was a bit much. There was no reason to have it off even during lunchtime, was there?

Yehan called again. The person he called this time answered right after a short ringing tone.

—Hello?

“It’s lunchtime, right? Where is Haseong.”

As he got straight to the point upon answering, a sullen voice flowed from beyond the receiver.

—He went to pick up the food we ordered.

“Why are you making him do that? Didn’t you say you wouldn’t make him do chores, Jinho?”

—…He is the only one eating it.

“Ah, right. When Haseong comes, tell him to give me a call.”

He did not answer his phone, using the excuse that his cell phone was off, nor did he look at his texts, and even when he contacted him at the time he should have gotten off work, a reply would come late at night saying he had worked overtime. Once or twice was one thing, but his patience was slowly reaching its limit. It was only a few days after he had resolved to treat him with a good heart.

—Why are you telling me that…. You just call him.

“I did, but he did not answer. It seems like he doesn’t look at his phone much at all these days because he is busy.”

So, just as he was about to tell him to stop working the kid so hard, Kim Jinho beat him to it with a puzzled voice.

—He is busy, but is it that bad? Just in case you get the wrong idea again… I am giving him his lunch breaks on the dot. I do not make him work overtime either.

“……”

—Well then, I am in the middle of work. I will pass on the message.

Click, even after the call was disconnected, Yehan kept the cell phone to his ear for a while. It was because he was so dumbfounded.

[You are going to Hyeongseok’s place tomorrow, right? Should I pick you up when you are done?]

Entering the messenger chat window, Yehan skimmed over the message he had sent yesterday. The ‘unread’ status was still displayed. There was no way he had not turned on his phone even once from last night until this afternoon, and he would not be unaware that there would be a message from him….

“What is with this guy.”

Is this intentional disregard? At this point, he could not help but be suspicious. He wracked his memory to see if there was anything he could have been sulking about, but he had not even given him a reason to. And even if there had been such an incident, it was unimaginable that Haseong, with his personality, would intentionally ignore his calls just because he was a little upset.

As Yehan was frowning deeply, he heard a clearing of a throat from in front of him.

“Ahem! You have been seeing that kid for a really long time.”

“Who. Jinho?”

“Not Kim Jinho. You know, him. The one you just asked about on the phone.”

“Haseong? Has it been a long time?”

It was a random topic, but given the situation, it drew his attention for a moment. Come to think of it, it did seem like a long time. It was early summer when he found him sniffling in front of a garbage dump wearing a torn, shabby t-shirt, and now it was the season where he wore the coats and blazers he had bought for him.

“It has been a long time. At a rough estimate, hasn’t it been over 3 months?”

“Has it been that long already? I did not know.”

Hearing the specific period through Sehyeong’s mouth made the feeling all the more new. It felt like he had not done much, yet a whole season had passed. His memory of whether this summer was hot or bearable was even hazy. It seemed his sense of the seasons had dulled because he had spent the whole summer observing Haseong’s foolish acts.

“The duration is one thing, but…, never mind. Should I drop you off in front of Hyeongseok’s shop?”

Sehyeong was about to say more but pursed his lips tightly. Yehan was about to answer with a perfunctory nod, but then he changed his mind.

“No. Go to my house.”

If he keeps avoiding him, the only way is to make him come to him first. There was a special flavor in imagining what kind of face he would come running with. Yehan, with an eerily impassive face, tapped the phone screen to complete a perfunctory sentence.

[I am not feeling well, can you come to my house? I miss you.]

He was certain he would read it within today or tomorrow, and that he would come running as soon as he read it. And by the time he got home, washed up, and lay down, that certainty became a reality. Beyond the intercom screen, at the face pressing the doorbell with a worried expression, Yehan personally went to the front door and opened it for him.

“Hyung! Are you feeling a little better? Just in case, I, I bought some porridge and medicine and an ion drink and some other things….”

The sight of him fumbling to put down the shopping bag he was holding in his hands, which should have been utterly praiseworthy, looked just like a peddler, and Yehan let out a hollow laugh without realizing it. In no way did he look like a patient; at the sound of a perfectly fine laugh, Haseong stopped organizing his things and lifted his head. Yehan met his gaze head on, without even trying to hide his laughter.

“I am fine. Seeing your face, Haseong, I am all better now.”

“……”

“These days, seeing your face, Haseong, is like plucking a star from the sky, so I was so sad that my head started to ache.”

Seeing the dark circles under his eyes, it seemed that his claim of being busy was not a complete fabrication. Thanks to that, Yehan, feeling slightly mollified, patted the seat next to him.

As if he had finally realized he had been tricked, Haseong’s gaze became slightly insolent, but that much he could soothe away. Haseong’s birthday was in October, so if he just said he called him because he wanted to celebrate in advance, he was the type to melt away.

“You came after finishing your work at the club, right? You must be tired. Come here and sit.”

“…If you are okay, then that is good. I have to go finish the rest of my work.”

Yehan’s expression hardened as he grabbed the wrist of Haseong, who was about to walk away. His mollified feelings were re-wound. The plan to gently coax him and question him also evaporated from his mind.

“Sit down. So I can at least hear the reason why you are avoiding me.”

“I have not been avoid….”

“Haseong, you do not know how easy it is to see into the heart of an 8 year old child, do you?”

The pounding heartbeat was transmitted verbatim through the wrist he was holding. Being this easy to read, doesn’t it make one feel like it’s a sin to even point out how easy he is to read? Yehan, intending to wait until Haseong calmed down, whispered slowly and softly.

“I do not like people who lie. So let’s not make this difficult and resolve it, okay?”

“…The truth is.”

Haseong’s pupils, which had been shaking uncontrollably, seemed to gradually come to a stop, and soon began to show a resolute light. The air of someone who seemed ready to flee at any moment also vanished at this point. Yehan, as if to say, ‘Go on, tell me,’ crossed his arms and let go of his wrist.

Soon, Haseong’s calmly composed voice dug into Yehan’s head.

“I have found someone I like. I think I have to stop… this kind of relationship with you now.”