FRWD Ch 16

“What about the filming….”

“That’s why I’m stuck here killing time, Sehyung-ah.”

The fact that he was properly keeping to the schedule, bound by a contract for a project with an astronomical production budget, was Yehan’s last shred of sanity. If it weren’t for this damned drama, he would have gone and found Haseong himself by now. The thought brought another surge of uncontrollable irritation, and the scope of his headache expanded.

With a pain that felt like an awl digging into his brain, Yehan grimaced and held out his hand.

“…Damn it. The medicine.”

“Shouldn’t you go to the hospital? Insomnia can be explained by stress, but why do you keep getting headaches….”

As soon as he took the water and painkillers Sehyung handed him, a wave of nausea rose up. When he pressed on his solar plexus and bent his upper body forward, Sehyung, who was in front of him, quickly pulled out a tissue and made a fuss.

“What’s wrong with you? What is it? Did you get an upset stomach?”

“…Ha, I haven’t even eaten anything.”

“What do you mean you haven’t eaten anything? You didn’t eat?”

“……”

Come to think of it, when was the last time he remembered eating? He couldn’t recall at all. It was even ambiguous whether he had eaten a single meal yesterday or not.

He was at the filming location all day yesterday too, so Sehyung must have nagged him into eating something, but… what was it? As Yehan tried to trace his hazy memory, another round of nagging followed.

“What is seriously wrong with you? Filming has just begun. It’s only going to get tougher from here, so what are you going to do, not sleeping and not eating!”

“…If I collapse during filming, it’ll be in the news, right? There’s no way that guy could have left Korea….”

Even while running away, utterly fed up with him, he was the kind of person who would bandage a hurt foot before leaving, so if he found out Yehan had collapsed, there would surely be a reaction. There had to be.

…What if there wasn’t? That one thing weighed on his mind.

“Just, please!”

It was then that Sehyung suddenly raised his voice.

“Honestly, I don’t get it. I’m helping you because you’re making such a fuss, but do you really have to find him? You weren’t even serious about him. To put it bluntly, it’s not like you were dating and then broke up.”

“……”

He was digging into a part that Yehan himself couldn’t understand at all, so there was nothing he could say. He had tried to somehow shake off the thought to maintain a sound mind and carry on with his daily life, and as Sehyung said, he had even tried telling himself that there was no need to find him.

But even after doing so, he would always end up throwing it all away and coming back to the conclusion that he had to find Haseong again. So asking ‘why?’ was completely meaningless. He himself didn’t know why he was being like this, and he couldn’t forcibly shake off the thoughts, so what could he do? He had to do as he pleased.

Looking at the unresponsive Yehan, Sehyung pounded his chest, thwack thwack.

“I know why you’re stressed. He drugged you and ran off, so with your personality, of course you’d be angry. It’s no different from him backstabbing you and running away. But.”

Anger…. Yes, that could be one reason.

It was a sleeping pill he only took on rare occasions when he didn’t have a partner for sex, and only when he was in rut at that, and even that he had long since stopped taking after Haseong started helping him.

Moreover, he had never once imagined that Yoon Haseong would entertain the thought of harming him, so he still felt bewildered. The reason he had completely forgotten the fact that the sleeping pills were stored in the desk drawer when he locked the guy in the study was because he had absolutely no sense of crisis that he could get screwed over by these pills.

Rather than feeling like he had been stabbed in the back by someone he trusted, he was unbearably irritated by the fact that Haseung had shown a pattern of behavior far removed from his expectations and had run away, and that he himself had been foolish enough to trust Haseong to the point of not being able to foresee it.

Yes, that’s why he was getting so anxious. The feeling was a little different from the anger that had momentarily exploded when Haseong said they should stop, but this unpleasantness would also be classified under the category of ‘anger’ if one had to. He had just dismissed it all as irritation because it was a feeling he had never experienced before in his life.

Thinking that for once, he was saying something helpful, Yehan was about to focus.

“Honestly, you did a lot of terrible things to him too…. Why don’t you just consider it as paying each other back and forget about it….”

“Sehyung-ah. Do you want to go back to being a bottom-rung road manager? Wiping the asses of rookies.”

Yehan crushed the water bottle he was holding and let out a hollow laugh. What expectations could he have for a guy like this.

“Huh? You’re protesting for me to do that right now, aren’t you?”

“…As if.”

“If not, then shut up. I’m about to go crazy because my head feels like it’s going to shatter as it is.”

Being obedient was Sehyung’s only merit. Hyeongseok, and Jinho too. All the humans he kept relatively close were like that. Among them, the most docile one was Haseong, but…. As another headache washed over him, he closed his eyes and muttered.

“…Did he hate it that much? Enough to abandon everything I gave him and run away?”

The phone and clothes Haseong had left behind were all still at Yehan’s house. The room Haseong used was also left untouched. On top of that, there was the bass he had brought over when he visited Haseong’s home.

When he would pester him to play the bass, he would smile bashfully and rummage to take it out. Where on earth could he have gone, leaving behind even the instrument he always carried around like a part of himself? After a brief moment of thought, Yehan raised his arm to cover his eyes.

“…Well, whatever. I just have to find him again. Right, I can return the things he left behind then, too.”

And after that, this time he would make it so he wouldn’t even dare to think of running away. There were plenty of ways to make him obedient again, and the future was no longer a concern.

“Ah…, I should celebrate his birthday with him again when we meet.”

The birthday itself must have remained a bad memory for Haseong, but that’s something that could just be covered over with good memories again.

Though it would be necessary to suppress his spirit for a while to make him docile. But after that, if he acted affectionately like before, they should be able to return to the kind of relationship they had back when they would laugh and joke while watching the stars on the rooftop.

It had to be that way.

After getting his driver’s license in just a week, he went straight to the town center to put up flyers for bass lessons, and surprisingly, he got quite a few calls. It was his first time teaching someone, so when he first set foot in a student’s house for a trial lesson, everything felt daunting, but as he continued, he gradually got used to it.

He spent a month like that in a daze. As December arrived, the weather got much colder, but thanks to being in the southern region, it wasn’t as cold as Seoul. For Haseong, who was sensitive to the cold, it was a good place to live.

The income from the bass lessons was on a similar level to his convenience store part-time job, but with no rent to pay and living with his noona, his living expenses were greatly reduced, so his financial situation was actually more comfortable.

His fear about whether he could get close to the kids with his shy personality was also a needless worry. The children were much more sociable than Haseong had thought.

Teacher, do you know how to play this? Teacher, do you have a girlfriend? Teacher, are you really an omega? Teacher, I want to buy an electric guitar too, can you help me look for one? Teacher, I’m going to modify my bass to be fretless, can you help me while watching OTUBE? Teacher, teacher, teacher….

It was quite tiring to keep up with the children’s energy, but when they were actually bustling around together, he would lose track of time.

Moreover, as if word had spread in the small neighborhood, adults of various ages also started calling with inquiries. As he was delighting in the fact that he might be able to add more classes, his noona, who was clipping her nails, glanced at Haseong’s belly and asked.

“But will you be okay? The hospital told you not to overdo it.”

“No, well…. Anyway….”

“I’m not buying that ‘I have no intention of giving birth’ line anymore, so don’t say it.”

“……”

He immediately shut his mouth because of his noona, who was brandishing the nail clippers like a knife with a sharp glare. It was true that he was still putting off the decision, so he could understand why his noona was dying of frustration.

But it wasn’t as if Haseong was just letting time pass without any plan. One day, feeling he absolutely couldn’t go through with it, he had called the hospital as soon as he woke up. He had asked them to book him for the earliest possible date for the surgery; he had been in a hurry that day, feeling particularly anxious.

However, on the day of the scheduled surgery, Yehan appeared in his dream. It was him from that time, when they were on the rooftop, laughing and joking while watching the stars together.

…In the end, Haseong stayed up all night with his eyes open and called the hospital as soon as it opened to cancel the appointment. After that, both his noona and the doctor stopped pretending to even listen to his words ‘I’m still thinking about it’.

“It’s not like I don’t know you…. Honestly, the fact you still won’t tell me who the baby’s father is? Mother? Anyway, who the other person is, it’s so obvious.”

Gathering the clipped nails, his noona continued to nag. It was a routine that had been repeated every evening since the day he canceled the appointment.

“Get your head on straight and take care of your body. It looks like you’ve been having morning sickness since last week.”

“It’s not that bad. I’m fine.”

His appetite, which had been missing for a while, had mostly returned with the changing of the season. The nausea only came up when he smelled something fishy, so it was bearable. He never really enjoyed seafood anyway, so he didn’t have a hard time being picky with food.

Usually, everyone struggles for various reasons in the early stages of pregnancy, but the doctor also found it surprising, saying that Haseong was, contrary to concerns, going through it very quietly.

The problem was, he didn’t know how long this current comfortable daily life would last.

“The problem is that it gets worse. The doctor told me that too. That I have to be prepared for it to get harder as time goes on.”

The hospital was already showering him with concern, saying the fetus was very small. Every time he had a check-up, the feeling of awkwardness still came first, so Haseong tended to listen to the doctor’s advice with half an ear, but the words that a baby this small could have developmental problems later on were stuck in his head and haunted him.

The doctor was full of worry, saying it seemed to be because his late-manifested body was not receiving the partner alpha’s pheromones. It seemed that over-solicitousness had finally been passed on to his noona.

“They say receiving alpha pheromones is essential. What are you going to do?”

“An endo… endocrinology? They said to go to a slightly larger general hospital that has that department and get artificial pheromones while monitoring my condition. For now, it’s still early, so….”

As he recited what he had heard from the doctor, his noona gave him another sideways glance.

“My goodness. You’re already thinking of going to a big hospital? You’re just full of plans to give birth, aren’t you.”

“You say one thing if I do this, and another if I do that, what do you want me to do….”

“It’s because I’m frustrated and worried!”

Looking at his noona who shouted at him, Haseong ended up chuckling feebly. It was because he remembered often receiving her affectionate nagging for similar reasons when he was young. His noona also quickly softened her expression and just nudged Haseong with the tip of her foot.

“Gosh, this one just giggles even when I scold him….”

“Noona, the drama is starting soon.”

“Turn up the volume.”

He quickly changed the channel to match the broadcast time of the drama his noona usually enjoyed, and the nagging also came to a halt. It was right after that, while she was looking at her phone during the commercials, that she suddenly shouted.

“Oh? Hey, this is huge. Go Yehan collapsed.”

“…What?”

“The news is all over the place. Fainted during drama filming, rumors of health problems have been persistent since the beginning of filming.”

What kind of nonsense was this. Knowing Yehan’s monstrous stamina, it was a piece of news he couldn’t possibly believe. Haseong took out the old phone he had received from his noona and immediately opened an internet browser. Sure enough, the real-time search terms on all sorts of portal sites were plastered with Yehan.

As if they had coordinated beforehand, watching dozens of similar article headlines being updated with every refresh, his heart, which had been quiet for a while, lost its rhythm and began to beat fast again. This was because along with worry, the thought ‘Isn’t this also a lie?’ came to mind. Haseong couldn’t bring himself to click on an article.

Being thoroughly toyed with over Woochan’s matter had left Haseong with a rather large trauma. While searching for the articles, he happened to see the height of 189cm recorded in Yehan’s profile and felt depressed, thinking, this person even deceives people with his height. Even by a low estimate, the man was at least over 192, really….

After that incident, everything related to Yehan just seemed like a lie. Besides, hadn’t he already been deceived by the words ‘I’m sick’ before?

“Will the broadcast be delayed? I was looking forward to this drama.”

His noona, knowing nothing, was just staring at her phone with a curious face. Haseong tried his best to ask nonchalantly.

“Uh, what’s he sick with?”

“The agency’s statement just came out, it says it’s just accumulated fatigue? They’re going to continue filming without any delays. What a relief.”

The feelings a third party would have seeing news of a celebrity collapsing from fatigue would, in fact, end there. His noona immediately became indifferent, put down her phone, and turned her gaze to the TV. Then she glanced at Haseong’s side and tilted her head.

“Are you a Go Yehan fan? Your expression looks like someone died.”

“No, I was just… surprised….”

“You should be that concerned about your own condition. Oh, it’s starting. Quiet now.”

His noona raised her index finger to her lips and leaned her head forward as if she were about to be sucked into the drama that had begun.

Haseong sat next to her, staring only at Yehan’s three-syllable name rising and falling on the real-time search rankings, before pushing his phone deep into his pocket. As if teaching himself, he murmured that this was a person he no longer needed to worry about.

The figure standing awkwardly in the doorway of the study persistently repeated the same words. Just for today, how many times had it been already? …He couldn’t remember well, but he had definitely heard it several times.

“…Let’s go to the hospital.”

“I already went.”

He had been on an IV drip all through the dawn and was just discharged this morning. Sehyung, whom he had expected would naturally go back after dropping him home, was being unusually clingy today.

“Let’s get you admitted and get a thorough examination, please. It seems like you’re not controlling your pheromones well lately either.”

“Ah, did Ms. Oh Haerin say that?”

Yehan muttered slowly. It was true that recently he hadn’t been able to control his pheromones as perfectly as before.

If he relaxed his guard just a little, pheromones would leak out drip, drip, like a broken faucet. Even in this very room, Sehyung, a beta, couldn’t feel it, but it was practically pickled in Yehan’s pheromones. The co-star he was currently working with was also an alpha, so it seemed he had finally voiced a complaint about it.

It was common for the pheromone system to collapse along with one’s physical condition. In such cases, it was usually solved by taking suppressants, but unfortunately, Yehan was someone who couldn’t take them. So what could be done? The other person would just have to endure it.

He didn’t feel sorry at all, but if it was going to make things awkward at work, he could just send a gift of apology through their agency. As he indifferently suggested a solution, Sehyung stomped his feet, thump thump.

“Do you think it’s just that actor? How many people with secondary genders are on set! The staff feel like they’re dying but can’t say anything to you directly. Anyway, for you to be like this when it’s not even your rut, there’s a problem. I’m sure of it.”

“I told you, it’s because I’m tired.”

What did a beta know to keep blabbering on about…. He had just gotten a prescription for strong sleeping pills and wanted to just take them and sleep. Why wasn’t he listening even when told to get lost? Ah, did I not tell him to go? Or did I? While he was contemplating, a cautious suggestion followed.

“And while you’re admitted, there’s that, you know. They say depression is just like a common cold these days. The barrier to psychiatry has gotten a lot lower….”

“Are you trying to say I seem like a lunatic right now?”

“……”

As he slowly lifted his closed eyes and twisted the corners of his mouth into a smirk, Sehyung’s expression froze as if he had seen a ghost.

“If I were a real lunatic, I wouldn’t be able to handle my schedule like I am now.”

He could say it with conviction because he had watched right beside his father what kind of state he was in during his final years. Currently, he was just a little tired and under a lot of stress, so his overall condition had declined.

A month had passed, yet Haseong’s whereabouts were still a complete mystery, aside from the fact that he had headed for Mokpo. The last piece of information he had found was that the guy had gotten off at the Mokpo terminal and left with some woman. He didn’t know who that woman was, but the most likely guess was that one. …The person Haseong said he liked.

He said he would sort it out. He acted so docile, as if he would listen well. After he was told to sort it out, there hadn’t been a single mention of it.

Fuck. As expected, he should have found out who it was back then and fucked him with his face down in front of that person. He had been bothered by the sight of him trembling in fear after being treated a bit roughly, so he had let it slide, and now he had been thoroughly backstabbed.

The thought that Haseong might have run off after drugging him and set up a happy life for himself brought on a simultaneous onslaught of brain-mashing pain and a cruel, sadistic urge.

Yehan buried his nose in the blanket Haseong used to sleep under and turned his back to lie down. Haseong’s scent had long since vanished, but at some point, it had become a habit to sleep in the study where he had stayed.

“Sehyung-ah, my head is ringing. Just go now.”

“Take care of your body. And stop going down to Mokpo on your days off and combing through the city like you’re searching for lice to find Mr. Yoon Haseong.”

“I can’t help it. The private investigators are all incompetent.”

“Haah, they’re asking us if we didn’t give them the wrong personal information. Or if he took a boat from there and went abroad, or holed up on some island.”

An island was one thing, but he had ruled out going abroad as the guy had neither the money nor the language skills for it. But.

“…Should I start considering overseas too?”

“I’m begging you, whatever you do, please take care of your body first…. You know you caused a huge stir this time, right?”

Of course, he knew. Even though they announced it as simple fatigue, he was so sick of the reporters who followed him all the way to the emergency room that he checked out immediately, so there was no way he wouldn’t know. Thanks to that, related articles had been pouring out from last night until today. And yet, there was no contact from Haseong. Yehan checked his phone again.

“…Even with all that fuss, he’s not coming.”

“Contact from Mr. Yoon Haseong? Hey, of course….”

“He has to come, you know? He’s the kind of guy who used to come running right away if I just said I was sick or that I missed him.”

“……”

“Even in that moment he was running away, he couldn’t just ignore my injured foot and bandaged it for me… no. In the end, he did that and still ran away.”

The phone Yehan threw hit a flowerpot on the desk, and both shattered spectacularly. Sehyung, who had shut his eyes tightly as if he knew this would happen, tried to take a step into the study. At that, Yehan warned him in a hoarse voice.

“Don’t come in. You don’t have to clean it, so just go now.”

“…It’s dangerous, so at least move to another room. Huh? At least when you sleep. Why on earth are you sleeping in the study, leaving your perfectly good room empty?”

“My headache is less severe when I’m in here, at least.”

At those words, Sehyung’s face crumpled, and for a moment, a look of discomfort flashed in his eyes as he stared at Yehan. Yehan met that gaze head-on and smiled sweetly.

“Why are you looking at me with that expression? Not long ago, you and the CEO were on pins and needles, worried I might say I’m dropping out of the drama.”

“……”

“I’m saying I’ll manage my health somehow and see it through to the end, even though I want to quit everything. You shouldn’t look at a person like they’re a lunatic.”

“…That’s not it….”

As if he was finally going to leave the house, Sehyung let his shoulders droop and turned around.

“I don’t know anymore. Just do whatever you want.”

He was already doing whatever he wanted, so the added words were useless advice.

After Christmas, the elementary school where his noona worked finally went on winter break. His noona, saying she had been frustrated about not being able to accompany him to his weekday morning appointments, declared herself his full-time guardian. When they went into the consultation room together, the doctor would look at his noona, not Haseong, and list the precautions.

His noona seemed to have mentally prepared herself faster than he had. It even seemed like she was excited at the thought of seeing her nephew or niece. These days, her biggest interest was how to make space in the small room Haseong was using to bring in a cradle.

In contrast, Haseong was still wavering. As some time had passed, the reality of the pregnancy had sunk in more than when he first found out, but that was as far as it went. It might be that he had resigned himself to it, having reached a point where he could no longer deny the reality of confirming the existence of the child settled in his belly by visiting the hospital every week.

Yes, he could now accept the reality that he was pregnant. He had no choice but to accept it. But was giving birth really the right choice? When he had already placed the child in an environment that was lacking compared to others, right from the starting line.

Because it wasn’t receiving the alpha pheromones it should, its development was already slower than other fetuses. Even if he received artificial pheromone treatments, it wasn’t a fundamental solution, so they said he should be prepared for the baby to be born smaller than average.

Even if it was born like that, one parent would already be absent from birth, and the other parent was a guy who had cursed the day he found out about its existence. A pathetic guy who, even after more than two months of pregnancy, was still agonizing over whether to give birth or not, far from feeling any proper attachment.

‘Even if I were the baby, I would hate it.’

If a child could choose its parents, no child would ever choose a guy like him. Thinking that, and thinking it again, and again, in the end, only one sentiment remained.

He felt sorry for it. There were many harmonious and happy-looking couples at the hospital, and he felt sorry for the child who would have him as a parent instead of people like them.

Even though he knew well how disgustingly pity could eat away at a person’s heart, Haseong had no choice but to feel sorry for the unborn child. When he was having these depressing thoughts, on days when he also came across news about Yehan, his mood would hit rock bottom.

News about Yehan reached him even when he did not want to know. Due to the nature of his profession, the only way to completely block out the news was to cut ties with the secular world and go live in the mountains, so he had to endure it. But.

<Feud Rumors Between Popular Actors K and O? On-Set Atmosphere is ‘Like Walking on Thin Ice’>

<Go Yehan’s Health Problem Rumors Swirl… Agency Actively Denies>

Lately, the only news he heard was all this kind of stuff, so it was needlessly bothersome. It was just initials, but he didn’t know what kind of nasty person the reporter was to have blatantly put their surnames in the article title. O would be Oh Haerin, and if so, it was obvious that K would naturally be presumed to be Go Yehan, who was currently working with her.

The fact that articles practically begging for them to be torn apart were being published so frequently lately was also quite 신경 쓰이는 게 아니었다. He could accept that he couldn’t help hearing the news, but couldn’t the man at least live well so he would have less to worry about….

While occasionally worrying and occasionally feeling depressed, he diligently went to his lessons on time, and on days without classes, he would go out alone or prepare dinner with his noona after she came home from work to shake off his distracting thoughts. After coming here, Haseong’s daily life flowed by in such a way, precariously yet calmly.

During that time, his thoughts about the child had flowed from ‘Of course I’m not having it’ to ‘Is having it really the right choice,’ and from there to ‘Is it really okay to have it.’ He still hadn’t made a firm decision on anything, but out of worry, he had started receiving pheromone treatments a little early.

Contrary to the grand name of ‘treatment,’ in reality, it was just being exposed to artificially combined alpha pheromones for about an hour. It was said to be a temporary treatment created for omegas who were pregnant without a partner for various reasons, or for omegas with irregular heat cycles.

As he repeated this routine, the new year dawned before he knew it. It also meant that the period the doctor had first mentioned, the window during which surgery was possible, was already coming to an end.

But Haseong did not ask about it first, and neither his noona nor the doctor mentioned it. In the midst of it all, he diligently attended his hospital appointments without fail. The pheromone treatment, as befitting a temporary measure, wasn’t very effective, so after consulting with the doctor, he increased the frequency from once a week to twice.

“Are you done?”

“Yeah.”

Every Monday and Friday, he would come to the city center for pheromone treatment like today. Haseong nodded with a dejected face towards his noona, who was waiting for him. It was disheartening to only hear every time he came that, far from showing improvement, the effects seemed to be getting more and more negligible.

If only he had made a firm decision not to have the baby, he wouldn’t have to worry about such problems, but he was worrying his worries and suffering his heartaches all the same.

“Why again? What did the doctor say?”

“Just the usual, what else….”

Replying listlessly, Haseong headed to the administration office with his noona to pay the hospital bill. But somehow, the hospital’s atmosphere was different from usual.

There seemed to be more people coming and going than usual, and as if to mock the sign that said ‘Absolute Silence,’ the sound of boisterous chatter was leaking from the gaps in the hospital room doors. He couldn’t hear the details of the conversation as he passed by, but judging from the constant exclamations of admiration, it seemed something joyful had happened in the entire hospital.

“Is something going on?”

The doctors and nurses he encountered while passing through the corridor were all snickering and whispering, so he couldn’t help but be curious. When Haseong tilted his head, his noona told him indifferently.

“They said they’re filming a drama at the beach nearby. I guess that’s why.”

“Even if you say the nearby beach, isn’t it at least a ten-minute drive away?”

“Yeah. But maybe it’s because very famous actors are coming? Everyone’s been in a frenzy since a while ago.”

It seemed his noona had overheard quite a lot while sitting in the lobby during Haseong’s treatment, as she shook her head from side to side. They weren’t even filming at the hospital, so was it something to make such a fuss over just because they were coming to the nearby beach for a short shoot? Who on earth was coming to elicit such a reaction, Haseong wondered as well and asked.

“Who is it?”

“Go Yehan and Oh Haerin. You know, that drama the two of them are filming this time.”

The moment he heard those words, Haseong’s steps came to a halt. His breath, too. It felt as if everything around him had momentarily come to a complete stop, as if someone had pressed a pause button. His noona, who had walked a few steps ahead, turned back to look at Haseong and urged him on.

“What’s wrong? Oh, right. Did you say you were a Go Yehan fan? Should we stop by the filming location on our way? You never know, maybe you can get an autograph….”

“No! I’m not going. Absolutely not.”

Thump, thump, thump, thump. His heart was pounding like crazy. All sorts of thoughts raced through his head, messing it up.

Could he have come looking for me? All the way here? …No, no way. He’s here to film, he said. It’s okay. There’s no reason for hyung to look for me now. Even if he’s still angry about what happened that day, how would hyung know I’m here? Haseong desperately took a deep breath, calming his trembling chest.

A whole season had already passed since he came here. It was enough time for both anger and interest to subside. In the first place, he himself had admitted to approaching with a light heart, so it wouldn’t have been a significant interest….

He didn’t know why a person like that got so angry every time he said they should stop, but once the interest was gone, the anger would have naturally disappeared too.

So it’s just a coincidence. It’s just a coincidence that the region overlaps, but it’s still quite far from this hospital and the noona’s house where he was currently staying. Yehan would not look for him. He wouldn’t, but….

What if, by some coincidence upon coincidence, they happened to run into each other? What if his assumptions were wrong? His noona shrugged her shoulders at Haseong, who had stopped dead in his tracks with a stiff face.

“Why are you getting so serious? If you don’t want to, then don’t. I just thought you liked Go Yehan.”

“…I don’t.”

“Oh, is that so.”

“Let’s just hurry up and go home. Just after we pay… huh?”

Fumbling, Haseong pushed his hand into his padded jacket pocket and soon, flustered, he rummaged around inside the pocket.

His wallet was gone. He checked his back pants pocket too, but couldn’t find it. It was a strange thing, since he had never taken the wallet out or separated it from his body, except for when he took off his padded jacket during the treatment.

“You don’t have your wallet? Didn’t you bring it out of the car?”

“No. There’s no way….”

“What should we do? I left my bag in the car. I’ll just go to the parking lot and come back, so you go ask if a wallet has been turned in.”

While nodding at the no-nonsense solution, Haseong inwardly chewed on a curse. On days when nothing goes right, a streak of ridiculously bad luck always follows. After his noona left, Haseong was also about to head to the lost and found center.

“Mr. Yoon Haseong?”

At his name being called from behind, Haseong unconsciously turned around. A man with a cap pulled down low was standing a few steps away, holding his wallet.

“Are you perhaps the owner of this wallet? It was dropped in that hallway over there.”

The worn-out black bifold wallet was, at a glance, clearly his. The man waved the wallet gently, as if asking what he was doing not taking it. Haseong quickly reached out his hand, then suddenly stopped his movement at a sense of unease that crept in, and stared intently at the man.

Even if he had somehow dropped the wallet he had no reason to take out, it was somehow strange that a man he was seeing for the first time today had called his name so familiarly, as if he knew him. The man, receiving Haseong’s blatant stare, shook his head as if he were used to such gazes.

“Ah, I just looked at the ID to find the owner. You can check the contents.”

And then he walked over first and thrust the wallet into his hand. He was a man who used a strangely condescending, insolent tone. Haseong took the wallet and opened it hesitantly. His ID, money, and cards were all there. Only then did his guarded expression crumble, and the delayed words of thanks flowed out.

“It’s my wallet. Thank you.”

“Not at all. I’m the one who’s glad to have found it. By the way, your ID says your address is in Seoul, so what brings you all the way to Haenam?”

“Pardon? Ah, well….”

He had received a notice to get his ID reissued when he registered his secondary gender, but he had been carrying around his old ID because it was a hassle. The man said he had looked at the ID to find the owner, so he must have naturally checked the address then.

There was no reason for someone living in Seoul to come all the way here for a hospital visit, so he might have become curious, or perhaps he was just asking as a form of simple small talk.

There was nothing suspicious about the man’s actions. Nevertheless, the sense of unease buried in a corner of his heart squirmed again. The reason he had trailed off his answer so vaguely was also in line with this.

“Aah, I just thought you seemed to have come from quite far away. If you’re not comfortable answering, that’s fine. Well then.”

The man left behind some cryptic words and walked right past Haseong. The way he walked with a swaggering, bow-legged gait, and his thuggish gesture of tapping his phone screen with one hand and snickering, further amplified the repulsion and unease Haseong had felt from his first impression of the man.

Haseong carefully observed the man’s back, then lowered his head deeply and pulled the hood of his padded jacket down below his eyes. For some reason, he had a bad feeling. Even if it wasn’t about Yehan’s matter, on a day like today, the best thing to do was just go home quickly and rest.

As if his whole body tensed up in response to the ominous premonition, his lower abdomen suddenly started to ache and he felt nauseous. Contrary to the doctor’s worries, he had never really struggled physically because of the baby in his belly, and he hadn’t had much morning sickness either.

To soothe the unfamiliar pain, Haseong unconsciously stroked his belly and immediately contacted his noona.

The filming, which had been dragging on since morning, was temporarily halted for lunch only after the sun began to shine brightly.

Leaving behind the cast and staff who had disappeared in small groups to eat, Yehan walked alone along the seashore. Since he always skipped his meals, even the director no longer tried to force him to eat.

In the far distance, where one could barely make out the figures of people, he could see the fans who had followed him being blocked by the staff’s control and lingering around, but he turned his back, too lazy to deal with them.

The full extent of the fan service he could provide was to hide his hands, which had started to tremble again as if the effect of the IV drip from the day before yesterday had worn off, in his pockets. In the direction he had turned his body, Sehyung was standing far away, on the phone since a while ago.

The content of the call was inaudible, muffled by the wind and the sound of the waves. However, judging by his deeply furrowed brow, it didn’t seem like he was having a pleasant conversation. Why was it? It wasn’t a special event at all, but for some reason today, the sight of Sehyung on the phone particularly caught his eye.

But as he tried to pay attention to something, the familiar headache attacked him again as if it would split his head open. His body, which had rapidly lost weight since he started relying on sleeping pills, swayed.

Yehan leaned against a reef, unconcerned about the chilly seawater soaking his pant cuffs and shoes. If he could, he wanted to smash his temple on the edge of a rock and get rid of this pain. While pressing down on his throbbing forehead, he did not avert his gaze from observing Sehyung, who was on the phone.

Finally, after finishing the call, Sehyung took off his steamy glasses in annoyance and was startled when his eyes met Yehan’s. Yehan paid him no mind and beckoned Sehyung over with a gesture.

“What call was it that you were on for so long?”

“…It’s nothing. Those errand boys, just their usual status report.”

The way he hastily put on his steamy glasses without wiping them properly and tried to avoid his gaze was suspicious. The unusually long pause before his answer came was also suspicious. Realizing this, he endured the headache and leisurely crossed his arms.

“Really? Then call them back.”

“Huh?”

“Call them back, I said. And put me on.”

“…If you’re not going to eat, you should just rest. There was nothing much to say anyway.”

“Hmm.”

It was admirable how he tried to change the subject, even giving an irrelevant answer, so Yehan kindly asked again.

“Sehyung-ah, are my words hard to understand?”

“……”

“I’ll be the one to judge whether it was nothing much, so put me on. Or should I just call from my phone?”

The actual client was him anyway, and he had all their numbers saved. It was just that his schedule didn’t allow him to check calls in a timely manner, so he had arranged for the reports to go to Sehyung. If he called directly right now and just asked what report they gave to the manager, they would spill everything.

Before doing so, he gave Sehyung one last chance.

“Instead, if I call and it turns out there was something, then as of this year, there will be no contract renewal. It’s over with you too.”

In his current agency, there was no product more profitable than him. Moreover, since Sehyung’s dream was to set up his own agency and become independent in the future, he knew very well how much of a blow it would be for him to lose the title of ‘Go Yehan’s manager.’ Sehyung was working hard to bring him to the company he would later establish.

Knowing all of this, Yehan threatened him with an impassive face. He was certain that the only thing Sehyung, who usually acted like the tongue in his mouth, would hide from him was something related to Haseong.

He hadn’t even asked him to go find Haseong himself, but the man had an unusually lukewarm attitude about this matter.

This time too, Sehyung, who had been standing still, openly showing his reluctance, let out an unexpected confession.

“…You know, I still trust your judgment and sense of responsibility. You know that, right? That’s why I’ve been your manager all this time.”

“Ha, why are you so talkative today? Should I just do it myself?”

Yehan indifferently let the confession, which could have been taken quite touchingly depending on the person, go in one ear and out the other. He was tolerating it out of consideration for their long acquaintance, but the way the man dragged things on so frustratingly was about to wear out what little patience he had left.

“They said they found Mr. Yoon Haseong at a hospital in the Haenam area.”

“……”

What burst out of the man as soon as he put on his glasses, which he had wiped with grim determination as if steeling himself, was the news he had been waiting for.

“They just found him. They said if I give permission, they’ll follow him all the way to his house….”

“Give me the van keys.”

He decided to deal with the outrageousness of him daring to hide such news after he found Haseong first. At this moment, only one word occupied Yehan’s mind.

Finally.

The news that he had finally found the man who had been nowhere to be seen no matter how much he searched sent a thrilling pleasure racing to the tips of his limbs. His hands, which had been trembling faintly since morning, seemed to have been paralyzed with joy, as the trembling had completely subsided.

A ridiculous sense of elation, as if the heavens were on his side, even washed over him, since they said they found Haseong on a day when he happened to be filming nearby.

He had been determined to search the entire area and bring Haseong back within the ten-day location shoot scheduled for the southwest coast, but he hadn’t known things would really turn out his way like this.

Haseong-ah, at this point, we are destined to meet again, there’s no helping it. This time, I didn’t even use any special tricks. So I hope you won’t doubt me this time either….

As he spoke to him inwardly and controlled the dizzying, seething joy, impatience and anxiety swirled around him. In every minute and second of delay, Haseong could leave for somewhere else again.

Yehan, leaving behind Sehyung who seemed to have no intention of handing over the car keys, took out his phone to call a taxi. As he was about to turn away, Sehyung urgently grabbed him.

“Where are you going! Filming is starting again soon. This is why I was going to tell you after the filming was over…!”

“Let go.”

“Please get a grip. You’re not working alone. You can go after we find out his home address.”

“What if they can’t find it? Even now, we’ve only found him after searching in vain for almost two months. What if he hides again?”

“……”

“No, even setting aside such problems. I just have to see him right now.”

Only after his frantic muttering had seeped into the sea breeze did Yehan clearly realize his own feelings.

He missed him. He wanted to throw away the filming and everything else, and put aside the impatience to catch Haseong before he ran away again. It felt like he wouldn’t be satisfied unless he saw with his own open eyes the man who appeared whenever he closed them, no matter what it took today.

As Yehan tried to take a step by any means necessary, Sehyung clung to him even more desperately.

“I know how you feel, I get it, but look around you. You’re not in a situation where you can leave your post right now. You don’t have any excuses you can make either!”

“…Ah, an excuse. An excuse, you say….”

Yehan looked around. A reef with a rough surface carved by the waves, the dark winter sea that felt chilling just by getting close, the waves surging high as if they could easily swallow a person whole. There were excuses littered everywhere, so what kind of foolish talk was this.

Still, claiming he fell and was swept away to the brink of drowning, or was submerged in the sea until he got hypothermia was common-sensically ridiculous and he didn’t have time for that, so he chose the most plausible excuse that was easiest to act out among them.

Yehan muttered nonchalantly, in a tone that suggested he could create an excuse anytime if needed.

“I can just scrape my face on that over there.”

“…What, kind of bullshit…. Hey, you’re an actor….”

“I know.”

Is there anyone who doesn’t know their own job? Yehan, who cut him off with a single word, moved only his eyes to find a reef of the right height. A height that his face would perfectly hit if he fell. In the meantime, Sehyung was still annoyingly clinging to him from the side.

“Are you really crazy?”

“I’m not crazy. Who said I’m going to ruin it all? Haseong also kind of likes my face, so… having it all scraped up would be troublesome.”

“……”

Just to the extent of being scraped from slipping. A wound on the cheek, which is easily noticeable, would be good. If he said he came to the hospital because he hurt his face during filming, of all things, then Haseong would worry about him. It was just when he had found a suitable reef and was about to take a step.

“Aaargh! I get it, I get it. I’ll make an excuse for you, so please don’t touch your face, pleaase!”

Sehyung, who let out a scream, rushed over and blocked his path. Only then did he hand over the van keys, babbling that Yehan had collapsed while resting in the van without eating lunch today, and that his fans over there were witnesses who saw him heading to the van.

The way he rattled off the scenario made it seem like he had known things would end up this way and had planned it in advance. After giving a rough nod to his words, Yehan immediately stepped onto the sand that sank deeply under his feet.

The biting sea wind that messed up his hair, the unnecessarily bright sunlight that burned his skin, the sea that held a fishy smell, all of it had been nothing but annoying, but thinking that he would see Haseong in a little while made it all feel like nothing more than a tasteful scenery that would illuminate the moment of their reunion.

“Ah, I want to see him quickly.”

Please don’t let us miss each other. Yehan prayed to a god he didn’t even believe in and got on the van.

💜

Did all the people living in this neighborhood gather at the hospital or something? Haseong looked at the teeming crowd and couldn’t hide his impatience, clicking his tongue. Perhaps because it was lunchtime, only one employee who handled all administrative tasks collectively remained at the administration office. Because of that, the line was long, and it seemed to be taking even longer.

His noona, who had returned not long after he contacted her to say he found his wallet, was busy pacing the lobby again during the longer-than-expected wait, collecting pregnancy-related pamphlets one by one.

After waiting for about ten minutes, the employees started returning one by one after their lunch break ended, and the line began to shorten. Haseong hurriedly paid the hospital bill and pulled his noona’s arm.

“Stop grabbing those and let’s go, quickly.”

Because he was in a hurry, a tone that sounded like he was annoyed slipped out. His noona rolled up the pamphlet and lightly tapped Haseong’s head with it.

“It’s because you don’t get them. And I don’t trust you to. I’ll just look at them and study.”

Her noona personally opened the pages to show him, saying he had no idea how well-organized the short pamphlets were, with all sorts of government support, benefits, and even pictures and charts for each symptom, all laid out neatly.

Haseong tried his best to ignore the paper fluttering in front of his eyes and only quickened his steps. But as he crossed the wide lobby and got closer to the corner of the corridor, his steps slowed as if an invisible fragrance was holding onto his ankles.

Is it just my imagination? Or is it because I heard he’s in the same area? A familiar scent seems to linger at the tip of his nose. A bitter floral scent mixed with the smell of damp earth. A rich, sweet after-scent. The scent that he liked so much, that every time he smelled it, he wanted to be held in those arms like a child and be endlessly spoiled.

…It must be a delusion. There’s no way someone who’s filming would be at a hospital. The scent of a diffuser must have been carried by the wind from somewhere.

Haseong held his breath and walked with even wider strides. Then, the sound of footsteps following from behind echoed in the deserted corridor. His noona, who had caught up with him with short steps, blissfully unaware of his urgent feelings, casually put her arm around Haseong’s shoulder.

“Don’t worry. In the end, everything somehow works out.”

“……”

With his already troubled-looking face now tinged with impatience, his noona seemed to have mistaken that he was like this because of the baby.

But since he couldn’t explain the truth that he was worried about running into Yehan, Haseong quietly accepted his noona’s comfort. Perhaps trying to lift his spirits, her tone was unusually gentle.

“Honestly, I’m a little excited. The process might be a bit tough, but once you give birth, I think it’ll be cute, looking like you.”

“I hope it doesn’t look like me….”

“I also hope it doesn’t take after your blockheaded side.”

Right. I really hope so. If I do give birth. At his noona’s playful words, Haseong sincerely agreed and hurried his steps, with his noona dangling from his interlocked arm. The door leading out of the hospital was right in front of them. His noona continued to speak with a pleased expression.

“Still, the baby is only three months old, but the doctor said it’s already showing signs of being gentle like its dad… What’s wrong?”

Haseong stopped walking abruptly. It was because the scent lingering at the tip of his nose had grown stronger. And, at the same time, the footsteps that had been following a few beats behind from a short distance away also stopped.

It’s not my imagination. The footsteps that had been sounding steadily and consistently even after his noona started walking in step with him had definitely just stopped.