GHLL Ch 1

Ash was everywhere.

Underneath the heavy, low-hanging clouds, gray ash fell ceaselessly. In this world of ash that would blanket everything if I so much as glanced away for a moment, I was looking at my 20th birthday card.

In my opinion, it seemed my brother had written this a long time ago. About three years and a little more ago, we had discovered a new source of food. The food, inside a palm-sized vinyl packet, was so shriveled and dried up that its original color and taste were impossible to discern. Even so, the paper tucked inside the vinyl packet was relatively intact. It was a piece of paper with ‘Handmade Snack’ printed on it.

Since we had found three of the handmade snacks, there were also three pieces of paper. They were thick and stiff, and were green, blue, and red respectively.

My brother used them for my birthday cards. For my 18th birthday, it was the green one, and for my 19th, it was the blue one.

My brother said that green and blue were the colors of summer. He said that when the entire world was covered in green, it got so hot that everyone stopped what they were doing and went on something called a vacation. It seemed they would fly across the blue sky in an airplane to a faraway place, and swim in the blue sea wearing colorful swimsuits. Then, when they got tired, they would fill their stomachs with things like cold and sweet ice cream, cola that tingled the tongue, or greasy hamburgers.

Just hearing about it was a fantastical story. I would often pester my brother to tell me that story and would lose myself in endless daydreams.

Summer was my favorite season out of the four. And it was also my brother’s name.

Conversely, my brother liked Gyeol the best. He said he liked how, when Christmas with its heavily falling snow arrived, Santa in his red clothes would come and give presents. He said Santa would fly in on a sleigh pulled by reindeer, sneak into the house through the chimney, and secretly leave the presents you wanted under the sparkling tree.

Red is the color of Gyeol, and the color of Christmas. And it was also the color of my 20th birthday card.

“Hoo—.”

I blew away the ash that had fallen on the birthday card with my mouth. Then, I read the words written on it, enunciating each one clearly.

“Happy 20th birthday.”

When I was just born, I was so small and weak that my parents thought I would not live long. Since it was already a struggle to raise one brother, it seemed they thought it would be better to just sell me off. But they could not go through with it because of my brother’s opposition. Perhaps from that point on, my brother decided to become my guardian in place of our parents.

After our father died early on and our mother went missing, my brother had always looked after me. If it had not been for my brother, I would not have survived until now.

My brother said his wish was for me to turn 20. He said he wanted to see me become a proper adult, so that he would no longer need to take care of me.

As of today, my brother had fulfilled that wish.

……So is that why he died?

I stared blankly at the brother I had finally managed to find. He was buried in ash, just as every other thing in the world was. I would not have found him if it were not for the birthday card peeking out from his fingertips. In a world that was entirely gray, covered in ash, the red paper stood out like the only speck of color.

Buried in the ash, my brother looked peaceful. It also seemed he was unburdened. He looked a bit irresponsible, too.

My brother had wished for me to turn 20, but that was all. He had never spoken about the life that would come after. Perhaps he believed that I would die before I became an adult. Or maybe he had intended to live only until I turned 20.

In any case, my brother was dead, and the things that came with him had also disappeared. Things like summer vacations, the blue sea, ice cream, Christmas, and Santa. I had never experienced such things; they all existed only in my brother’s stories. And with my brother’s death, they vanished without a trace.

Along with them, my 21st, 22nd, and 23rd years also became faint. With my brother dead, there was no doubt that my chances of survival would drop drastically. For a very long time, we had lived by eating dog food or canned cat food stored in the basement warehouse of a pet mart. That too had run out about a year ago, so my brother would go out for as short as two days, or as long as a week, to find food. Sometimes he came back with something edible, but most of the time he was empty-handed. Because of that, we had been practically starving for the past few months.

My brother, in particular, had become so gaunt that he looked like nothing but skin and bones. After being bitten and severely injured by a ghoul, my brother ate nothing at all. Even when I begged him to eat, he stubbornly refused. He said that since I would have to fight ghouls and evade human hunters to find food with great difficulty once I became an adult anyway, there was no need for him to give up his food for me just yet. He said it would not be too late for me to take care of him after I became an adult.

But that was a lie. I was an adult now, but I could not take care of my brother. Because he had died. That was extremely regretful, but the one fortunate thing was the fact that my brother had at least fulfilled his wish.

I turned over my brother, who was piled high with ash, and rummaged inside his clothes. Just as my brother would have written the birthday card in advance, there was a high probability that he would have also prepared a birthday present in advance.

After fumbling through his pockets for a long while, I found the birthday present. It was a small, square object. It was about the size of a thumbnail, and it was wrapped in vinyl.

I unwrapped the vinyl whose ends were rolled up. A soft, grayish-brown lump was revealed. The letter A was engraved on its surface, but I did not know what it meant. When I brought my nose close to it and sniffed, a faint sweet scent wafted from it.

I had a gut feeling that it was something to eat. Perhaps it was the chocolate my brother used to boast was the most delicious thing in the world. My brother had said that chocolate was the food of heaven, and that he absolutely wanted to let me taste it too. Since a 20th birthday present would be something very special, there was a high chance it was chocolate.

I gulped down the saliva pooling in my mouth. If I had my way, I wanted to toss it into my mouth all at once and munch on it, but I barely held back. My brother had said that chocolate melts as soon as you put it in your mouth. If I ate it without thinking, my 20th birthday present would disappear in an instant.

As it was my brother’s last gift, I wanted to savor it, no matter how hungry I was. I rewrapped it in the vinyl, intending to eat it later, on a very special day. And I put it in my front shirt pocket along with the birthday card.

In the moment I looked away, my brother was once again buried in ash. I brushed away the ash covering his face with my hand and kissed his forehead.

“Thank you for the birthday present, hyung.”

There was no answer, but it seemed he was happy.

Even if he wasn’t, there was nothing to be done about it.

There was not much time. I got up, took off the bag my brother was wearing and slung it across my chest. Then I tied my brother’s vest, outer shirt, and belt together like a rope, connecting my brother’s body and mine. After that, I began to walk, dragging my brother through the densely falling ash.

---

My brother almost never asked me for anything. Whenever I volunteered to do something, he would stop me, saying, ‘You’re still young,’ or ‘Do it after you become an adult.’ The one and only thing that brother had asked of me was this. That if he died, I must burn his body.

‘Even if I’m dead, I don’t want to be eaten.’

So that I could grant that request, my brother had steadily gathered firewood ever since he was bitten and injured by the ghoul. He dragged out everything that could burn from the dust-covered pet mart store and piled it up in the parking lot. For the three or four days before he died, he did not even go out to find food and focused only on gathering firewood.

Thanks to that, the firewood piled up in the pet mart parking lot was like a mountain. Having dragged my brother’s body all the way there, I wiped the sweat beading on my forehead in front of the firewood pile that was well over my height.

The firewood, piled high with ash, was closer to a pile of garbage than to kindling. I untied the clothes that bound my brother and tried to pull him up onto the firewood. But it was incredibly difficult because the firewood was piled high and there was no proper place to put my feet. In the end, I abandoned my brother and began to organize the firewood. While I was doing so, the sky darkened and the ash that had been pouring from the sky ceased.

I looked around with an anxious gaze. While the ash was falling, it was difficult for the ghouls to be active, but once the ash stopped, it was a different story. The ash clouds were rising and the day was ending, so this was a huge problem. I had to burn my brother quickly before the ghouls crawling out from the underground swarmed in.

In my haste, I could not even lay my brother down neatly and just shoved his crumpled arms and legs into the firewood. Then I piled things like a sofa backrest with sponge sticking out, a bundle of clothes made of synthetic fibers, and a moldy wooden drawer on top of my brother. After that, I took out a fire steel from the inner pocket of the backpack he always carried.

I scraped the fire steel several times against a tinder bundle made of duct tape, torn paper, and vinyl. Sparks flew, but it took a long while for a flame to actually catch.

When a flame sparked on the tinder, I tucked it between the firewood and fanned it diligently with a plastic board.

Whoosh!

At last, the fire caught, and the firewood began to burn. The sponge caught fire, and the flames grew large. The fiercely burning flames quickly devoured the firewood. I stopped fanning, my arm feeling like it would fall off, and looked at my brother lying in the fire. Through the haphazardly piled firewood, I could see my brother’s hair, his eyebrows, his eyelashes burning.

As I was staring blankly at the scene, I soon became aware of a pungent smell. I lifted my head and saw black smoke billowing up into the sky. The smoke stung my eyes and my nose. But amidst the smell that could be called a stench, something, a strange smell, was rising.

The smell of burning flesh.

It was the smell of grilling meat.

I unknowingly licked my lips and took a step back. I had not eaten anything but water for three days already. A hunger that felt like it was wringing my stomach like a rag set in, and the thought of wanting to put something, anything, in my mouth became desperate.

I took the chocolate out of my front pocket. Having kept it in my pocket, what had been hard had become soft. I wanted to eat it so badly that I fiddled with the vinyl for a long time, but in the end, I could not eat it. I put it back in my pocket and turned away from the fiercely burning pile of fire.

The ghouls would swarm in, drawn by the light of the fire, so I had to leave in a hurry. I shouldered the backpack again and started climbing the hill to return to the container. As I walked, parting the heavily piled ash, I looked back and saw the fire, burning and spewing out acrid smoke.

I stared at it blankly, then frowned. It might have been my imagination, but the flames were gradually subsiding. No, it was not my imagination. The fire was going out.

Oh no, there is not enough firewood.

Most of the firewood my brother had gathered was plastic waste. It had good firepower, but its longevity was poor. Just when it seemed to be burning fiercely, it began to die down.

At this rate, I could not grant my brother’s request. Rather, it would be like offering my well-cooked brother to the ghouls.

I frantically began to retrace my steps. I floundered and ran through the ash that came up to my knees, then tumbled down the hill. I let out a cry of “Ugh!” as I fell headfirst and got a face full of ash. Ash got inside the bandana covering my nose and mouth, and I coughed uncontrollably.

“Cough, cough! Cough, cough……!”

After coughing with a force that felt like it would pull out my lungs, I tasted blood in my throat. I pulled down the bandana, spat out black saliva, and staggered as I ran into the pet mart. Then I wandered through the empty interior, searching for anything that would burn. At that moment, a bizarre sound came from outside.

Gheooooh…….

Gweeehhh…….

When I looked out the broken window, I saw ghouls crawling out from the ruins shrouded in darkness. In the appearance of those who were once human, no trace of humanity could be found. Traces of having been human remained, but they were not human. They were monsters.

The ghouls, staggering as they walked, were in a wretched state from prolonged starvation. They all lacked internal organs, their insides hollow, and their limbs were not intact. They were no different from scarecrows that would fall apart with a single blow, but ghouls moved in packs. One could become dozens, hundreds, thousands in an instant.

In my haste, I found a pole and rushed out to the parking lot. Then I pushed the firewood, which was now just a skeleton frame, off of my brother. My brother was blackened and charred, but his form was still intact. Under the burnt skin, the cooking flesh and muscles were all visible.

Drawn by the smell wafting from there, the ghouls let out a clamor. Groan-like, monstrous cries echoed from here and there, and the speed at which they approached quickened.

I took off my overcoat and threw it over my brother’s half-burnt body, then hooked my arm under his side. If I did not, I could not touch my brother, who was hot with lingering fire.

I was trying to drag my brother into the pet mart, but the ghouls arrived faster. I let go of my brother and hurriedly picked up the pole. Then I swung with all my might at the head of the nearest ghoul. The rotting, sloughing flesh and the brittle, decayed bones shattered, and putrid brain matter splattered in all directions.

Kuaaaah……!

Thwack!

Grrrrrr…….

Thwack! Thwack, thwack!

I wiped the filth splattered on my face with my forearm and took out a few more ghouls that approached too closely. Then, when I returned to my brother, I saw a horde of ghouls approaching the main entrance of the pet mart. Even if I dragged my brother inside the pet mart, there was not enough time to set a fire and get myself out.

Isolated in the parking lot, I did not know what to do. I should abandon my brother’s body and run away, but my brother’s request lingered in my mind.

‘Even if I’m dead, I don’t want to be eaten.’

I had not asked him for certain, but my brother had not said that simply because he did not want to be eaten by ghouls. He said it because he was afraid that I, tormented by hunger, would eat him if he died.

So, even if I do not burn my brother to ashes, it would be okay. Even if I hand my brother over to the ghouls, it does not mean I am failing to grant his last request. Well, it is true that I would be failing to grant it, but would not my brother prefer that I live, rather than die trying to grant his request?

……Really? Is that really true? A doubtful voice whispered in my ear. If my brother had truly wanted me to survive, he should not have just protected me. He should have taught me long ago what I had to do, and how I had to do it, in order to survive.

But my brother had never told me about the world outside the container. He had not told me where to find water and food, or how to fight ghouls or human hunters. He had always coddled and protected me, never assuming a situation where I would be left alone.

It seemed my brother did not think a situation where I would have to live on my own would ever come. Perhaps he thought that since I would not be able to survive for long no matter how much I struggled after he died, it would be useless to teach me survival methods. Maybe he was so burdened just by taking care of me that he had no energy to worry about my life after he died, or maybe he thought that what happened after he left this world was none of his business…….

My brother, regardless of what happened later, just died as if he had done all he needed to do by keeping me alive until I turned 20.

Why, why did he do that? Did my brother not want me to survive? Or did he want me to just die with him when he died? Because I was so precious to him, did he think it would be better for me to die sooner rather than live in agony alone in a world with no one?

I do not know. Right now, I did not have the capacity to think about such things. Before I knew it, the number of ghouls in sight was uncountable. The horde of ghouls was crawling over the crumbled wall of the parking lot and swarming through the pet mart with all its glass shattered.

I held the pole I was clutching out in front of me, but the resolve to die came faster than the resolve to fight. Even if I escaped from here alive, it would be one of two things: I would get injured fighting the horde of ghouls and die after suffering, or I would fail to find food and starve to death.

It was then.

Vrooooom—

A strange noise erupted from somewhere.

Startled by the unfamiliar sound, I whipped my head around. Beyond the pet mart, amidst the ruins covered in ash, I saw a pair of lights approaching, kicking up a cloud-like dust.

Only after the lights got quite close did I realize it was a car with its headlights on. I had seen cars countless times, but I had never seen one move. Like everything else buried in the ash, the abandoned cars were all broken and damaged, and did not work. But the car in front of me was roaring, flashing its lights, and rushing straight this way.

Crash! Thump!

Thwack! Crunch!

The car, ramming into the ghouls blocking its path, rushed into the parking lot and stopped with a screeching sound. The headlight beams shooting out from it were incredibly bright. I grimaced and raised a hand to shield my eyes.

Soon, people poured out of the car. Armed with things like a golf club, a spiked bat, and a crowbar, they scattered around and smashed the approaching ghouls indiscriminately. While I was dumbfounded by the situation, I saw a man who had been on the roof of the jeep jump down.

Even with just a black silhouette, backlit as he was, I could tell that his physique was exceptionally large. He seemed to be twice the size of my own body, which was skinny from not eating. He paid no mind to the pandemonium around him and crossed the parking lot with slow steps. Then he stopped in front of me, blocking the headlight beams, and snatched the arm I was using to cover my face.

Once my hand was moved, I reflexively looked at the man. His shaggy hair, cut haphazardly, looked gray from being covered in ash. He was wearing a bandana over his mouth and nose, so the only thing visible was his eyes. The corners of his eyes were downturned, giving them a lazy look, but his gaze itself was more dazzling than the car’s headlights. Those eyes, filled with a strange light, scanned me up and down.

For some reason, a shiver ran down my spine, and I shook my captured arm. He let go of my arm and pulled down his bandana, revealing his face. His nose was high and prominent, and his lips were full and handsome, but his expression was sleazy. The worn-out smile on his lips made him look extremely despicable and cold.

He spat into his palm, then used that hand to rub and wipe my face. Having never been this close to anyone other than my brother, I could not react at all. I let the palm, which smelled of saliva, roam over my dirty face. Soon, his long, hard fingers lifted my chin.

“Pretty.”

The man who muttered that let go of my chin and pulled my arm. As I was dragged along by him without thinking, I saw the other people find my half-burnt brother and load him into the car’s cargo bed. Only then did I realize who these people were, and I yanked my hips back.

These are human hunters.

If I get dragged away, I will be eaten.

“L-let go of me!”

I struggled to get away from him, but he just snorted once and lifted me up effortlessly. Then, muttering, “Why are you so light?” he shoved me into the back seat of the car. At the same time, the men who had been bashing ghouls got into the car through the opposite door.

When those men pulled the nape of my neck, my body was yanked inside. The man who had put me in the car followed and closed the door, and I ended up lying on the laps of strangers, unable to move. I could not come to my senses as the men who had put me in the car pawed all over my body with glistening eyes, drooling.

“Wow! He’s young, so young!”

“Look how tender his skin is!”

“What a fucking windfall, he looks so damn delicious.”

“Hey, let’s go!”

Someone slapped the car body, making a loud sound, and the car started. Soon, the man who had pushed me into the car pulled me up and sat me on his lap. As the car shook violently while leaving the parking lot, I was so startled that I reflexively clung to the man holding me.

He did not refuse me as I clung to him. On the contrary, he smiled darkly and slid his hand into my pants. His hand, as cold as a stone and covered in calluses, casually kneaded my buttocks.

“Skin and bones, not much to eat, I see.”

He pulled down my pants, which were loose despite the belt being cinched, below my buttocks. Then, he moved his hand to the front and, while unfastening his own fly, pulled me closer. I did not know what he was doing and tried to pull away, but the back seat was cramped and the car was shaking chaotically. My body shook along with it, and I flailed my hands, not knowing what to grab onto.

He made me wrap my wandering hands around his shoulders. Seeing this, the men sitting next to them complained.

“Ah, Daesik. Seriously.”

“I’m starving to death, you have the energy for that?”

“You wanna do that in this cramped space?”

Not only the men sitting next to us, but also those in the front seats grumbled, but the man holding me paid them no mind. He ran his fingers along the crack of my ass and laughed, baring his teeth.

“Shut up.”

At that one short word, the inside of the car became as quiet as a mouse. While everyone else shut their mouths and turned their heads away, the man buried his face in the nape of my neck and cackled.

“I get hornier when I’m hungry.”

In the midst of all the confusion, something touched me between my bare legs. It was a hot, large piece of flesh with a wet tip. What is this, could it be… with that thought, I looked down, and the man pressed my waist downwards.

“Ack!”

Something hard forced its way through the hole I only ever used for excretion. It hurt so much that I screamed and started hitting the man. As I resisted, swinging my fists wildly, the man muttered without any sincerity.

“Ouch.”

The man stuck out his long tongue and licked his lips, then smacked his lips. Then, he suddenly opened his mouth and bit my neck with a snap. It was agonizingly painful as he clenched his jaw, sinking his teeth into the soft skin.

“Ah… it hurts!”

I tore at his hair, trying to pull him off, and pushed against the car ceiling with my hands, trying to escape from the penis thrusting from below. But there was nowhere to escape, so in reality, I was just bucking my hips up and down.

“It hurts, it hurts!”

The man grabbed my frantic hips tightly and pulled my body down all at once.

Fwump!

“Huk.”

Flesh slapped against flesh as the penis drove in. I gasped for air and my body went rigid. I could not even scream, just opened my mouth wide, but the man started moving before I could even adjust to the situation. Thump! Thump! Thump! He slammed up from below without any mercy, jabbing deep inside my stomach.

“Hah… shit. Why is it so tight?”

Every time he swore and fucked, my vision went white and then black. The sensation in my lower body disappeared, and instead, my stomach churned as if it were being turned inside out. The penis that had forced its way into my empty stomach jabbed at my hunger-pained stomach again and again.

“I’m gonna get my dick bitten off at this rate.”

I could not properly understand the words he cackled. My vision spun from the pain that felt like my body was being split in two. Soon, a wave of nausea accompanied by stomach acid made me break out in a cold sweat, and my stomach felt queasy. Before long, my throat tightened.

I, who had been bracing myself by pushing against the ceiling, finally could not hold it back and bent my body forward with a jerk. I grabbed his shoulders and retched, uwekk, but nothing came out. My mouth just filled with a pool of saliva, and he grabbed my chin and pressed his lips to mine. He pushed his tongue into my mouth, ran it over the tender flesh, then lifted my tongue and greedily licked up the gushing saliva. Soon he took my entire tongue into his own mouth and sucked on it.

At the inexplicable act, a fear that I was going to be eaten alive like this arose. As I froze in terror at the thought of being eaten alive, he, who had been tormenting my now-docile tongue until it hurt, suddenly pulled his lips away and smiled with satisfaction.

“Sweet.”

I, who had never eaten anything sweet in my life, did not know why he said that. I just gasped for air, overwhelmed by the pain that plugged my hole and filled my insides. Because of that, I could not resist his tongue as he bit my lips again and sucked on it. I just leaned against the man who kept propping up my collapsing body, and endured the penis that endlessly swelled in size and dug into me.

Before long, the car came to a stop, and the people who had been riding with us got out, disgusted, and ran outside. I collapsed onto the now-spacious back seat and tried to crawl away to the other side, but it was useless. The man opened the car door, got out, and then pulled my ankles. Then, he made me sit on the edge of the seat with my buttocks, and entered me while standing.

“Aahk!”

My rear was sticky, wet with what I could not tell was blood or semen. Perhaps because of that, the insertion was smooth. The man, as if unsatisfied with the act in the cramped car, grabbed my waist and shook it fiercely, thrusting his hips violently.

“Hah, haah……!”

Every time he let out a gasp and jabbed inside me, my brain rattled and shook. I could not cry or scream, only let out moans of ‘euk, euk.’

The man, who was gradually quickening his thrusts, squeezed my waist as if to break it. Feeling as if my body would be torn in two by his grip, I unknowingly tensed my lower abdomen. The man, after struggling for a long while within my involuntarily contracting inner walls, finally ejaculated. He let out a groan of “Keuk,” and his body shuddered.

I could feel the semen he shot out hitting the inside of my stomach. It drenched my inner flesh and trickled down. It even pooled inside and sloshed around. His penis roamed around that place as if enjoying it. My lower abdomen, swollen as if I had overeaten, was slowly entered and exited by his penis until its rigidity faded and it became soft.

As the semen trickled out between the loosening junction, he slid his hand into my clothes, which were limp with exhaustion. And after caressing my chest and lower abdomen, damp with cold sweat, several times, he let out words that I could not tell were admiration or something else.

“Why is a man’s body so soft? I could just slurp you up in one bite.”

Laughing to himself as if his own words were funny, he then clicked his tongue.

“Too skinny. Is there anything to eat on you like this?”

His hands were so rough that the places his hands brushed past hurt. Of course, the place holding his penis hurt the most. When he was in the middle of it, my senses were paralyzed and I did not even know it hurt, but now that he had ejaculated, it hurt immensely. As his penis, having lost some of its vigor, softened, the place that had been stretched to its limit tightened and cried out with a pain like it was on fire.

The man, who had been kneading my exposed back, waist, and buttocks for a long while, pulled his hips back. At the creepy sensation of his penis pulling out, I swallowed a leaking moan.

Cooled semen trickled out from the gap created by his penis pulling out. The sensation of the sticky substance flowing down my thighs was unpleasant. He paid no mind to me as I shuddered, and grabbed one of my butt cheeks, pulling it apart. Startled, I flinched and tensed my lower abdomen, and the semen I thought had all come out gushed out again with a gurgling sound.

The man stared at it and licked his lips. A shiver ran down my spine. Is he going to eat me now? But just then, I heard the other men calling.

“Kim Daesik, if you’re done, bring the axe!”

“Even at Mount Kumgang, one eats first. Do whatever you want after you eat.”

The man hitched up his pants and looked back. I, too, was pulling my legs together and getting up, when I saw that my brother, who had been loaded into the cargo bed, was gone. The men, who had already pulled my brother down, were surrounding him, starting a fire and sharpening knives.

It was certain they were going to eat my brother, so I let out a monstrous scream and lunged at the man’s back. The man staggered for a moment but easily subdued me. Grabbing me by the collar and throwing me to the ground, and kicking me once with his combat boot was enough.

When he kicked my head, my vision spun and I briefly lost consciousness. When I came to, the man was tying both my wrists to the rear passenger handle with my own clothes. After tying me up like that, he took an axe from the cargo bed. Seeing the menacingly sharp axe blade, I struggled in the back seat and screamed.

“D-don’t eat him! I said don’t eat him! Don’t eat himmmmm!”

The man’s gaze swept over me, who was screaming my head off, indifferently. The man soon turned around and approached my half-burnt brother.

He raised the axe high. I squeezed my eyes shut.

🕷️

Tied by the wrists and hanging in the back seat of the car, I dozed off from exhaustion. I startled awake only after hearing a tapping sound on the window, tok, tok. When I woke up, my lower body, which was exposed because I had not been able to pull up my pants, was cold. While my bare bottom was freezing, the hole that must have been torn was throbbing and aching.

Amidst the pain I had never known before, I heard the sound of someone tapping on the car window again, tok, tok. When I lifted my head, the man who had opened the car door was looking into the car blankly. The surroundings had already become pitch black, and behind him, I could see the bonfire his comrades had lit, burning redly.

The light was weak, perhaps to avoid attracting the attention of ghouls. The man standing with his back to the light was silhouetted and looked black. Only his two eyes glittered and shone like a beast lurking in the dark.

Was it because I was hungry? The smell wafting from his body was particularly strong. It was the smell of meat grilled over charcoal. If I did not know that the meat was my brother, it was a smell that would have made me flare my nostrils and drool.

I turned my head away from him, but he pulled me out of the car. And he propped me up against the car, pulled up my pants, zipped the fly, and buttoned it for me. But he did not fasten the belt, so the heavy buckle dangled at my waist. In that state, he sat me down on the edge of the back seat and asked a question.

“You, where did you live?”

I did not answer his question. Even when he asked, “It’s around here, right?” I just glared at him silently. He paid no mind to my fierce glare and smiled, then took down a plate that he had placed on the roof of the car.

“Want some?”

Inside were a few pieces of well-grilled meat. In the faint light, the greasy surface was clearly visible, glistening and shining. I whipped my head away, but a loud gurgling sound came from my stomach.

“You’re hungry, eat.”

The man pushed the bowl right up to my nose, and I lowered my eyes and spat out.

“I’m not eating.”

The man snorted.

“Why? You can’t eat him because you knew him?”

I turned my head to the side and muttered.

“I don’t eat people.”

At my stubborn words, the man said, as if it were absurd.

“In a world like this these days, if you don’t eat people, what do you eat?”

“People shouldn’t eat people. Something bad will happen.”

He let out a derisive snort, huh heung, as if teasing me.

“Something bad will happen? What kind of thing?”

Since it was no laughing matter, I replied seriously.

“You get sick. You become a ghoul.”

In the old days, the sky was clear, so there was enough sunlight and rainwater, and it was easy for crops to grow, they say. It is hard to believe, but it seems food was so plentiful that disposing of leftover food was a headache.

But after the nuclear war, when ash clouds covered the sky, it became difficult to farm. A vicious cycle of wars over food breaking out and more nuclear bombs exploding repeated, and before long, everything turned to ashes. What little remained was also covered in fallout and disappeared, and now it has reached a point where humans eat humans.

But my brother said that no matter how hungry you are, you must not eat humans. It was not just for the moral reason of having to preserve one’s humanity even if it meant starving to death. If humans eat humans, they get sick.

If you eat human flesh and then stop, you suffer from withdrawal symptoms and the disease develops. If you catch this disease, called the cannibal disease, there is no cure. You lose your reason and become a monster that is neither dead nor alive, craving human flesh.

This monster, commonly called a ghoul, suffered from endless hunger. In fact, looking at the behavior of the ghouls, they often showed signs of suffering from unbearable hunger. They would shove anything into their mouths and chew, fight amongst themselves and eat each other, or even pull out and eat their own internal organs.

It was better to starve to death than to become like that. I stubbornly kept my mouth shut and refused the human flesh in front of me. But it seemed the man’s thoughts were different.

“Starving to death or becoming a ghoul, what’s the difference.”

I kept my head turned and my mouth shut, pretending not to hear his words. The man was about to take the bowl away, saying, ‘Fine, if you don’t want it,’ when someone behind him got angry.

“What are you doing? Why are you wasting food on a guy we’re going to eat anyway?”

Hearing those words, the man glanced back. I could not see the man’s expression, but the air turned cold and I felt a tingling on my skin.

When their eyes met, the man who had been angry flinched and shut his mouth. Seeing that, another man next to him nudged his side.

“Dude, if we’re not going to eat him right now, we have to feed him something to keep him fresh, right?”

“Ah… is that so?”

“What a stupid bastard.”

The men laughed awkwardly with a servile air. Only then did the man standing in front of me let out a chuckle and laugh along. Then he turned back to me and reached out his hand, ruffling my hair.

“Don’t worry, he’s so small he probably won’t eat much anyway.”

I frowned and slapped the man’s hand away. My hair had become a tangled mess before I knew it. The man, who had withdrawn his hand, looked at me as I combed through my hair with my fingers and said.

“He says he won’t eat human flesh anyway. He’s a picky eater, so we don’t have to worry about him wasting our food.”

At those words, the men all started talking at once.

“If he doesn’t eat human flesh, what does he eat?”

“I don’t know, maybe he cooks rice and eats it.”

“And if he gets tired of rice, he bakes bread?”

The men, who had been sneering, burst out laughing. I could not laugh along. I had never eaten rice or bread, so it was difficult for me to realize that they were mocking me. Nevertheless, I felt unpleasant. The man looked at me, who had frozen, and continued leisurely.

“We’ve filled our stomachs anyway, so there’s no need to kill him in a hurry. Let’s keep him alive for now and fatten him up. As he is now, even if we eat him, we’ll just be sucking on his ribs.”

“He said he doesn’t eat human flesh, right? What are you going to feed him to fatten him up?”

At some man’s question, the man in front of me snorted.

“You believe that? He’s probably eaten it once or twice. No one is immune to hunger, so if we starve him for three or four days, he’ll probably eat human flesh happily.”

At his words, another man chimed in.

“You’re not just keeping him alive to have some fun, are you?”

The man shrugged.

“He’s pretty.”

The man grabbed my chin and pressed his thumb firmly on my lips. He rubbed my soft lower lip, then put his thumb into my mouth and touched my tongue. I set my teeth and bit down hard on that finger.

“Hey, that hurts……. You said you don’t eat people, right?”

Contrary to his words, it did not seem to hurt that much. The man, who pulled his hand away with an indifferent air, bared his teeth while rubbing his thumb, which now had teeth marks on it, with his index finger. As if to prove he was a cannibal, his white canines were sharp and pointed like a carnivore’s.

I spat out saliva mixed with a salty and bloody taste for him to see. Seeing my attitude of ‘I wouldn’t eat it even if you gave it to me,’ the man chuckled and asked me where my hideout was.

“You, where did you come from? If you don’t eat people, what have you been eating to survive until now? Did you live in a shelter or a bunker, eating canned food?”

When I kept my mouth firmly shut, the man grabbed my chin painfully. Then he pressed his thumb on my jawbone to force my mouth open, and picked up a piece of meat from the plate and pushed it towards my lips.

“If you don’t talk, I’ll force-feed you.”

I shuddered and had no choice but to open my mouth.

“On the back mountain of the industrial complex where the pet mart is, there’s a container buried.”

He was satisfied with the answer he wanted and removed the piece of meat he had been about to shove between my teeth. I quickly wiped the grease from my lips with my sleeve. The man, who saw that, smiled and tied me back to the rear passenger handle.

He returned to his comrades, and I was left alone in the car. Although I had wiped it off, the moist grease that had been on my lips stimulated the hunger that was constantly scratching at the inside of my stomach. I was so hungry that I felt like I could chew on my own tongue in my mouth.

If my hands were free, I would have taken out the chocolate in my front pocket and eaten it, but I could not because my hands were tied. I hung by my tied wrists and tried to ignore the body aches and chills that were beginning to overwhelm my entire body.

🕷️

Around the time the dawn was breaking dimly, the men started to move.

They put out the fire they had kept burning all night and tidied up the area. They scooped up the ashes that still had some fire in them and buried the spot where they had butchered the meat. Then they wrapped the leftover bones and meat tightly in a waterproof tarp and tied it to the cargo bed.

While the other people were busy moving around, the man who had attacked me stood leaning against the car and did nothing. He just lit a rolled-up piece of paper and stood there, puffing out clouds of strange smoke and idling. Even though he was slacking off like that, no one said anything.

Once the preparations to leave were finished, the men got into the car. Two sat in the front seat, and the man got in next to me. The other two went to the cargo bed. They grumbled that they could not ride with a guy who was in heat all the time, and left me and the man alone in the back seat.

Vrooooom!

The car started, and the man pushed me against the window and made me give directions to where the container was. I roughly explained the way and buried my head in the window. As the car shook, it was difficult to ignore the fact that it hurt. My stomach burned as if on fire, my insides ached numbly, and a pain like a knife stabbing my rear came over me ceaselessly. Unaware of my condition, the men in the front seat started talking.

“After eating nothing but tough old men for a while, it was delicious to eat a firm young one for a change.”

“It was all burnt, how do you know if he was old or young?”

“You know right away when you eat it! I could tell just by smelling it.”

Hearing the bickering from the front seat, the man next to me opened his mouth.

“It was delicious, but there wasn’t much meat.”

“Right, it was just skin attached to bones. It’s delicious when there’s some fat on it.”

“The greasy belly fat is the best. Remember that guy from the Pyeongseong outpost, was it Lee Youngho or Yoo Youngho? He was so ugly he made you lose your appetite, but he had a lot of flesh so he tasted amazing.”

“They say women are the really delicious ones. Their flesh is soft and chewy, they say.”

“I don’t even remember what a woman looks like.”

They smacked their lips and then asked the man next to me.

“Kim Daesik, have you ever eaten a woman?”

The man called Kim Daesik shrugged. The men, who interpreted that as an affirmation, poured out questions like what does a woman taste like, where can I go to eat one, I want to at least see one. At those words, Kim Daesik said boastfully.

“If you want to eat a woman, you have to risk your life. All the women are protected at Pyeongseong Prison. Pyeongseong Prison, you’ve heard the name, right? The women there are ridiculously scary, they say.”

“They say if you’re just handsome, you can fuck until you die, is that true?”

At the question from the man in the passenger seat, Kim Daesik snorted.

“You think that’s possible with your face?”

“What about me? Me?”

The man who was driving asked without even looking at the road, and Kim Daesik got annoyed.

“Even if you’re a peerless beauty, you’ll be trapped in a cage like a monkey and die after having your semen extracted. If you want to fuck that badly, I won’t stop you, but you guys will probably just be treated like spoiled meat if you go.”

In a word, he was saying they were ugly. As if offended by those words, the man driving turned the steering wheel roughly and grumbled, “Who’s the one crazy about fucking.” But when Kim Daesik kicked the back of the driver’s seat with the tip of his foot and snapped, “What did you just say?” he could not say anything. At that moment, the man in the passenger seat glanced at me.

“Is he okay? He hasn’t looked good since earlier.”

Hearing those words, I felt Kim Daesik staring at me. He looked at me, who was leaning against the window with a pale face, and then tapped my cheek with his fingertips.

“Hey, you okay?”

I was not okay. My stomach had been cramping, my crotch was cold, and my whole body ached. Especially my buttocks were as cold as if I were sitting on a block of ice, and chills washed over me.

He untied me and pulled me towards him, and I was terrified. I thought, ‘Is he going to do it again?’ but I did not have the strength to refuse.

Fortunately, Kim Daesik did not seem to have any intention of fucking again. He pulled down my pants and checked my blood-soaked underwear, then just clicked his tongue with a look of dismay.

“Oh, dear.”

The men who looked back from the front seat all sighed in unison when they saw the state of things.

“He tore the kid’s ass to shreds!”

“You’re not fattening him up, you’re completely drying him out!”

Ignoring the bullshit about how stressed meat does not taste good, Kim Daesik asked if the destination was in sight. The man at the wheel said it did not seem far and entered a path leading into the mountains. The road was narrow and unpaved, so the car shook violently as if it would overturn.

Finally, the car stopped when it reached a flat area on the mountainside. The man in the driver’s seat rolled down the passenger window and pointed at a chimney sticking out from the ground.

“Is that it?”

“Let’s take a look around first.”

The men in the front seat got out of the car, and the men in the cargo bed got out as well. While the sound of them murmuring faded into the distance, I lay on the lap of Kim Daesik, who was still sitting next to me, and groaned. As I shivered, my teeth chattering, I heard Kim Daesik rubbing my shoulders and arms and muttering in an embarrassed tone.

“You should have said something if it hurt.”

Even in my dazed state from the pain, I was dumbfounded. I mean, did he think I would be fine after he shoved something like that into a person’s body? I gritted my teeth as they chattered.

Not long after, I heard the other men calling from outside.

“It’s here!”

Kim Daesik got out of the car and helped me up. Seeing my legs trembling, he tucked me under his arm and, parting the ash piled on the fallen leaves, approached the bunker buried in the ground on the mountainside.

The place where my brother and I had lived was a bunker made by burying a container entirely in the ground. If you went down the ladder, there was a rectangular space with a cot, a table, plastic chairs, a broken refrigerator and microwave, and various other household items.

Kim Daesik, who had jumped into it while holding me with one arm, looked around the space, which was full of signs of life. Then he removed the neatly folded blanket, laid me down on the mattress, and took something out from his pocket.

It was medicine.

I had no idea where he got it, but the medicine looked new. The safety packaging surrounding the capsule was still glittering silver. Seeing him pop one out, someone behind him lamented.

“That precious thing…….”

Ignoring those words, Kim Daesik pushed the medicine into my mouth. When I just held it in my mouth without being able to swallow it, he took out a small water bottle and held a sip of water in his mouth. Then he lowered his wet lips, parted my lips, and let the water flow in, lifting my tongue. The medicine naturally went down my throat with the gushing water.

Even after I swallowed the medicine, Kim Daesik did not remove his tongue. It stayed in my mouth, rubbing the roof of my mouth, prodding my gums, and sucking my tongue until the coldness of the water disappeared and my tongue became slippery with the warmth of saliva. Only after thoroughly tasting the inside of my mouth did he lift his head.

Kim Daesik met my dazed eyes, wet with cold sweat, and smiled. His droopy eyes looked foolish, but maybe because he had a lot of white in his eyes, he did not look like he was smiling even when he smiled. He soon raised his hand and caressed my face, then brushed my hair back a few times and got up.

“Get some rest.”

He turned around, climbed the ladder, and went out to the surface. Through the open door, I could feel the presence of the men walking around. The thudding of footsteps and the sound of them talking about something got closer and then farther away. The sound was indistinct, so I could not make out what they were saying. Even if I could, it would surely be something unpleasant to hear. Yet, strangely, I felt at ease.

It had been a long time since I had felt the presence of someone other than my brother. And this was the first time there were so many people. That fact brought a strange sense of relief.

Perhaps because of the medicine, I could feel the chills gradually subsiding and the pain lessening. I willingly welcomed the sleep that was approaching as much as the pain was receding, with open arms.

🕷️

Even after my fever went down, I could not easily get up from my spot. I did not know if it was day or night and just repeated the cycle of sleeping and waking. During that time, Kim Daesik would often come to check on me. Sometimes he would check my temperature by placing his hand on my forehead, and sometimes he would support my head and give me water, telling me to drink it and go back to sleep. But he did not let me just lie there all the time.

“Hey, this won’t do. Get up.”

I frowned at his words as he threw back the blanket and urged me, and curled up my body. My fever had gone down and the chills were gone, so my body seemed to be all better, but I did not want to get up. Now that my brother was gone and I was just waiting for the day I would be captured and eaten by human hunters, there was no reason to get up.

He forcefully sat me up as I resisted, lying down, and sat on the edge of the mattress. Then he pushed a bowl of watery meat soup in front of me.

“What’s the point of sleeping without eating anything? Even if you sleep, you should eat something first.”

I shook my head weakly. The stomach that had been crying out in extreme hunger was now quiet. I was no longer hungry, nor was my stomach churning. If I stayed like this, I would starve to death, but the food the man brought was obvious. I did not want to eat my brother, so I closed my eyes tightly and turned away from the bowl touching my lips.

“You’re not eating this because you think it’s your brother’s meat, right?”

Kim Daesik, who had put the bowl down for a moment, brought up the facts he had found out by rummaging through the bunker here to get my attention.

“You lived alone with your brother for a long time, didn’t you? Your brother’s name is Yeoreum, right?”

My brother’s name flowing from another person’s mouth felt strange. I looked at him without realizing it. When our eyes met, he pulled up his lips and bared his teeth. It was a strange expression where only his mouth was smiling, not his eyes at all.

“What’s your name? Is it Gyeol?”

I neither denied nor confirmed it. I just turned my head away from him, and he held out his hand and introduced himself.

“I’m Daesik. Kim Daesik.”

I just stared at his actions with wary eyes. In the end, Kim Daesik forcefully pulled my hand and shook it up and down before letting go. Then he picked up the soup bowl he had put down again.

“You must have relied on each other for a long time, so I’m sure you wouldn’t want to eat your brother, even if you eat other things. I understand.”

He, who had been talking to himself and answering himself, nodding his head, gestured at the soup bowl with his chin.

“This was cooked with something else. It’s not your brother, so you can eat it.”

Even if he said it was not my brother, it was still human flesh. I do not want to get sick. I do not want to become a monster. I would rather just die quickly than that. I have lived until I became an adult, so I have no regrets now. Even if I struggled to live, I did not think I would see a good outcome.

The ash clouds that covered the sky showed no signs of clearing, and the ghouls were increasing day by day. Originally, ghouls swarmed only in big cities and were hard to see in a backwater place like this, so people hiding in forests or factories were occasionally seen. Sometimes we would barter with those people, and sometimes we would talk. They would tell us news about what army was where, how to get to a shelter, or that a provisional government had been established.

But in the last few years, I had not seen any people. Whether the ghouls that could not find food in the big cities had spread to backwater places like this and eaten all the people who were hiding, or whether the people, exhausted from hunger, had eaten each other and become ghouls, for at least the past three years, it had been just my brother and me. The food from the pet mart that had kept our lives going had also run out, and since I did not eat human flesh, I was as good as dead even if I had not been caught by the human hunters.

I turned my head away.

“I don’t want to eat.”

At my stubborn attitude, Kim Daesik rolled his eyes.

“This isn’t human flesh. It’s a rat, a rat.”

At the ridiculous lie, I frowned. Who does he take me for a fool? To think I can’t even distinguish between human meat and rat meat. Since the last meat I ate was rat meat, I could recognize rat meat just by its smell.

“This isn’t rat meat. It’s human meat. I told you I don’t eat people.”

It seemed Kim Daesik was also getting tired of cajoling and placating me. He frowned and said in a fierce tone.

“You, if you don’t eat, I’ll just kill you here. If you’re just going to waste away without eating even if I keep you alive, why would I keep you alive? It’s better to just eat you before you get any skinnier and be done with it.”

“Do as you please.”

“Are you serious?”

“Whether I get eaten today or tomorrow, it doesn’t make much of a difference to me.”

At my indifferent answer, he let out a growl and put the soup bowl down with a thud. Then he sighed heavily and rustled around in his pocket before taking something out. And he waved it in front of my eyes.

“It’s because you eat crap like this that you’re being a picky eater when others are starving to death.”

Seeing it, I widened my eyes. What was in Kim Daesik’s hand was none other than my birthday present. I was surprised and hurriedly fumbled with my body, but my outer clothes where I had put my birthday card and birthday present were gone. I realized he had gone through my top and found them, and I opened my mouth, stammering.

“G-give that here. It’s mine.”

Instead of returning it, he tore open the vinyl for me to see.

“I said give it here!”

I shot up from my seat and tried to get my birthday present back, but it was no use. I, who had been sick in bed for days without eating, had no strength and could not even get up from the mattress. The moment I stood up, my vision spun and I collapsed back in place. Kim Daesik, a few steps away from me, stuck his nose into the vinyl and sniffed, then opened his mouth wide.

“N… no!”

He emptied the contents of the vinyl into his mouth and chewed. I thrashed and tried to jump out of the mattress to hit him, but my wrists were caught before I could even reach him. He laughed, seeing me thrashing and struggling to pull my hands away. Then he lowered his head, pressed his lips to mine, and pushed his tongue into my mouth.

“……!”

I stopped moving and instead widened my eyes. When I became docile, he slowly let go of my wrists. Instead, he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me closer.

I could feel his crotch, pressed against mine, stiffening and rising, but I did not care. All my nerves were focused on my taste buds. The tongue that was wrapping around my tongue was surprisingly sweet.

That was right, it was sweet. It was maddeningly sweet.

I, who had finally realized what sweetness was, eagerly wrapped my tongue around his. As I swallowed his tongue, I was intoxicated by the sweetness that was clinging to his tongue and melting. The taste, which was gradually fading, was ecstatic and dizzyingly regretful, so I repeatedly rubbed his tongue with my tongue. I did not care that he pushed me down onto the bed and crushed me with his weight, and I panted and sucked on that tongue again and again.

When our lips finally parted, I was very sad. I sniffled and glared at him as he asked, “Delicious, right?” and then I punched his chest. Then I screamed as if letting out a shriek.

“Spit it out! Spit it out, give it back!”

“How can I spit out what I’ve already eaten?”

“Who told you to eat it? It’s mine! Why did you eat it?”

“You should have just eaten what I gave you when I was being nice. You’re just eating snacks unnecessarily….”

“It’s not unnecessary, it’s my birthday present!”

“Birthday present?”

He, who had been questioning me while crushing me, got up. It seemed his pants were tight because of his bulging penis. He pulled at his crotch rather violently and frowned.

“That was a birthday present?”

“Yes, it was a birthday present from my brother. It was the last present he gave me with a birthday card before he died….”

I fell onto the bed in despair. As I buried my face in the blanket and my shoulders shook, Kim Daesik was flustered and did not know what to do. He fidgeted and then made an excuse, saying, “Well, I didn’t know it was a birthday present.” Then he said something incredibly infuriating.

“Are you crying?”

I gritted my teeth. Crying is for when you are sad. Right now, I was not sad, I was angry. My vision turned red and I was so angry it felt like something exploded inside me. I was so angry I could not stand it.

“Hey, don’t cry. You haven’t eaten anything, so if you cry, you’ll lose your energy…!”

I was curled up and motionless, but the moment he touched my shoulder, I sprang up. I grabbed his neck with both hands and hung on, then bit his earlobe hard.

“Ah!”

Only after biting it did I realize that only half of his earlobe was left, but I did not care. I set my teeth and savagely bit his ear.

“Owowowow! Hey, it hurts! It really hurts!”

When he finally managed to pull me off by practically strangling me, his ear was a bloody mess. I spat out the piece of flesh I had torn from him, ptooey! Then I gathered the blood in my mouth, which tasted fishy and metallic, and spat it out repeatedly. Seeing that, he, who was clutching his bitten ear, said, as if dumbfounded.

“If you’re going to bite it, at least swallow it. What’s with spitting it out?”

“I don’t eat people.”

“Why did you bite it if you weren’t going to eat it?”

I ignored him and rummaged through my outer clothes that he had tossed to one side. Fortunately, the birthday card was still there. As I was looking at it blankly, Kim Daesik, who had found a cloth to stop the bleeding, peeked at my birthday card over my shoulder.

“What, you’re already 20?”

I ignored his chuckle of ‘You’re an adult,’ and put my outer clothes back on. Then I put the birthday card in my pocket, crawled onto the bed, and pulled the blanket over my head. Behind my back, as I was moping miserably, Kim Daesik loitered around, spouting things like, “I didn’t eat that all by myself,” or “We ate it together anyway,” or “You got to taste it, that’s enough.” When I pretended not to hear him, he sighed and took the meat soup and went outside.

After his presence disappeared, I moved my mouth. And I savored the taste left on my tongue, mixed with the taste of blood, the taste of chocolate that I would probably never forget until I died. If it were not for Kim Daesik, I could have licked it little by little and enjoyed that taste for a long, long time. Because that bastard ate it all up, I would never be able to taste it again.

I was so upset about that that biting his ear was not enough to vent my anger. Vowing that one day I would throw that bastard to the ghouls alive, I kicked my feet wildly under the blanket.

🕷️

My fuming in anger was also short-lived. After waking up and moving around, I needed to relieve myself. I had to go outside the house to do it, so it was very troublesome. I crossed my legs and held it in as long as possible, and only when I could not hold it anymore did I reluctantly get up.

When I climbed the ladder and went outside the bunker, the sky was already getting dark. The men had lit a fire in the forest where twilight was beginning to fall. They were gathered around the fire, probably making dinner, and there was a good smell. I lifted my chin to the air and sniffed, then I heard Kim Daesik calling.

“Hey, come here.”

I ignored him and passed by. As I picked up the shovel I had left at the edge of the forest and headed into the forest, I heard the men gathered around the fire whispering.

“Is it okay to let him wander around like that?”

“Isn’t he running away?”

“Someone follow him and keep an eye on him.”

A man with a nasty impression followed me, reluctantly, holding a large knife. Ignoring him, I pushed my way through the pale forest covered in ash, and the man following me stopped me, saying, “Piss here.” I glared at him and spat out.

“Not here. It’s too close to the container.”

“Ah, just piss! Where are you going to go when it’s so dark? Are you trying to run away?”

“That’s not it, if I piss just anywhere and the smell of urine spreads, it will attract ghouls.”

“We’re leaving tomorrow morning anyway, so what does it matter?”

“Leaving?”

I widened my eyes. As far as I could remember, I had only ever lived here. It was not that I had never left the container, but it was for three or four days at most, and I always came back here. But to be told that we were leaving tomorrow morning without even knowing where we were going, I could not believe it.

“Why are we leaving?”

“How long do you think you can live in a container that’s practically a tunnel? If you’re not careful, you’ll be surrounded by a horde of ghouls and end up starving to death, unable to go anywhere.”

I shook my head at his words that we had to leave to find food and supplies.

“I’m not going.”

“You think you have a choice? You’re our lunchbox, a lunchbox.”

He gestured with his chin for me to hurry up and piss, so I had no choice but to undo my pants. Then I started to do my business on a tree that looked like an iron pole because its leaves and branches were all crumbled and it was covered in layers of ash.

Jol, jol, jol, as the sound of water flowing came out, the stare from the side was piercing. For some reason, the man was staring intently at someone else doing their business. I felt uncomfortable and hurriedly finished my business, and he bared his completely rotten teeth, smiled, and said.

“Do you know what the most preferred part is when eating a kid like you?”

He gestured with his chin at the penis I was hastily stuffing back into my pants.

“That’s it. If you turn it over and over on the fire and grill it until the skin is burnt, it’s very crispy and delicious. Like a cracker. Yours looks particularly delicious.”

I tried to hurry back to the container, but the man followed closely behind me, making smacking sounds with his mouth as if savoring a taste.

“Shit, if I had my way, I’d eat you right now, but that bastard Kim Daesik is dragging his feet to have some fun by himself……. Hey.”

Finally, the man grabbed my shoulder and stopped me.

“Let me have a taste too. Take it out.”

“Wh-what?”

“I said take it out.”

At the man’s words, gesturing at my fly with his chin, I gritted my teeth. As I pondered how I could escape this situation, he pressed the large knife under my chin.

“I won’t do anything crude like Daesik. I’ll just have a taste, just a little, a taste….”

I did not know how exactly one could ‘just have a taste,’ but he, unable to coax and soothe me any longer, brushed aside my hand that was clutching my belt. Then he hurriedly unbuckled the belt, opened the zipper of my pants, and shoved his hand inside. I took advantage of the moment he was distracted, pulling out my penis, and kicked him.

“Oof.”

The staggering man dropped the knife. I quickly lunged to grab the knife, but his hand swung faster.

Smack!

I was slapped by a hand striking down from above and fell to the ground. The man, who picked up the knife in that gap, could not bring himself to kill me and took out his anger by kicking me.

“Fuck! You fucking dog! You piece of shit, you’re just a piece of meat that’s going to be eaten soon, are you choosing people now?”

I curled my body into a ball and tried to block his kicks with my elbows. Every time his combat boot flew and hit my skin, which was skinny and had no elasticity, my whole body felt like it would crumble.

“What are you doing?”

The kicking stopped at a chilly voice that flew in from somewhere. The ash that had been scattering in all directions settled with a soft sound, covering my curled-up body.

“Dae, Daesik!”

The man who had been kicking me for a while backed away with a flustered look.

“No, this bastard tried to take my knife.”

“Aha. So you were punishing him?”

“Yeah, I was just giving him some mental education so he wouldn’t try any funny business again.”

I trembled with rage at the man’s shameless answer. I remained curled up, unable to recover from the shock that felt as if my body had been half-shattered. I felt like I wanted to be buried in the ash right then and there, but Kim Daesik did not leave me alone. He grabbed me by the armpits and forced me to stand up, then examined my face from side to side.

“I get the situation, but where is there to hit on a kid this skinny?”

“Well, it wasn’t so much that I hit him, but…….”

“Tsk, it’s going to bruise. Now we can’t eat him until the bruise fades, can we?”

When Kim Daesik glared at him as he grumbled like that, the man held up both hands and apologized.

“Alright, I was wrong. I won’t touch him again.”

“He’s a delicacy we managed to catch. Let’s be a little more careful, shall we?”

Kim Daesik, changing his expression to a grin, patted the back of the man’s head. His touch was light, but even with just that, the man could not keep his balance and staggered. Leaving him behind, Kim Daesik grabbed my hand and led me back to the place where the fire was lit. Then he made me sit down.

Come to think of it, something was boiling in a frying pan placed at the edge of the fire. The smell wafting from it was amazing. It was a nutty, savory, and greasy smell.

Soon, Kim Daesik took the frying pan off the fire and handed me a spoon. Then he held out the frying pan.

“This here, it’s my emergency food stash, you see?”

Amidst the pitch-black darkness, the only light was the faintly lit bonfire. Because of the reddish light, I could not tell what was in the frying pan. It just seemed to have a smell similar to the canned cat food I used to eat often. To be honest, it smelled much more delicious than that.

“It’s called tuna. Tuna.”

“Tuna?”

“Yeah. Have you ever eaten it? You haven’t, right?”

“I-I have!”

“Not the cat stuff. Have you ever eaten the human stuff?”

Kim Daesik shook the frying pan in front of me, saying it was as different as heaven and earth from cat food. The gazes of the men gathered around followed the frying pan in unison. They all swallowed their saliva with gurgling sounds, their faces as if bewitched by something. In their eyes, a strong desire beyond simple hunger was reflected.

“Ha, shit…… that canned tuna smells amazing.”

“It looks so fucking delicious.”

“Since when did that bastard Kim Daesik have canned tuna?”

While everyone was staring with burning eyes, I looked at Kim Daesik suspiciously. Kim Daesik grinned at my gaze and then put the spoon he had been stirring the frying pan with into his mouth and sucked on it.

“This time, there’s really no human meat in it.”

He threw something towards me, and it was an empty can. I picked it up and examined it, and it looked quite similar to the cans I used to eat. Except, instead of a cat picture, the word ‘Tuna’ was written in large letters.

My brother said that tuna was a fish. It was a large, delicious fish that swam in the sea. Remembering that fact and feeling relieved, I felt a sudden surge of hunger. The starvation that had become chronic and seemed to have been forgotten suddenly became vivid, as if a switch had been flipped.

I stuck the spoon he had given me into the frying pan. And I scooped up a spoonful of the food that was said to be made from canned tuna. Just then, the man who had insisted on just tasting my private parts protested.

“Wait a minute, isn’t there something wrong here?”

Kim Daesik looked up at him and smiled brightly.

“What’s wrong, Lee Seokhyeon?”

The man named Lee Seokhyeon waved his arms and spoke passionately.

“I mean, come on. It’s good that we’re feeding him well to fatten him up since we’re going to eat him anyway, but we can just feed him human flesh. Why are you giving him something we can’t even get our hands on?”

Kim Daesik’s eyes narrowed and the corners of his mouth lifted.

“He said he won’t eat human flesh.”

“He won’t eat it, it’s not that he can’t eat it.”

“It’s the same thing. What can I do when he insists on not eating human meat?”

“Fuck, just starve him. What’s the big deal about starving? You said if we starve him for three or four days, his eyes will roll back in his head and he’ll even eat human flesh, right?”

Seeing Lee Seokhyeon waving his arms and shouting, Kim Daesik’s lips, which had been raised high, came down. Kim Daesik tilted his head and then gestured at the frying pan and said.

“Then what about this? Just throw it away?”

“Throw it away? Why would you throw away something so precious…!”

“Then should we, who happily eat human flesh, share it among ourselves? How is that any different from throwing it away?”

As Kim Daesik’s voice turned cold, Lee Seokhyeon, who had been raising his voice and pointing fingers, shrank back. As he rolled his hollow, protruding eyes nervously, Kim Daesik said kindly.

“Isn’t that right? We ate his brother yesterday and today and our stomachs are full. You were all talking about how amazing it tasted to eat a young one for a change, and now that’s not enough, you want to eat tuna too?”

“No, it’s just…… it’s precious. I’m just saying it’s a waste to give it to a lunchbox we’re going to eat soon.”

At Lee Seokhyeon’s excuse, as he broke out in a cold sweat, Kim Daesik let out a snickering sound. Then he stroked my head, as I stood there not knowing whether to use the spoon or not, and said.

“You guys don’t know what’s truly precious. You think there’s anyone in a world like this these days who doesn’t eat human flesh? There isn’t. Everyone is dying to eat each other.”

He slid his hand down and grabbed the nape of my neck, kneading it.

“A human who has never eaten another human is precious. In the old words, it’s a natural monument.”

Kim Daesik pulled my neck sharply and licked my cheek at length. He slid his tongue from my temple down my cheek, then swallowed my ear in one bite. And he stuck the tip of his tongue into my ear canal and prodded.

A squelching sound echoed in my ear, and my ear became wet with saliva. I closed my eyes tightly and gave up my ear, wondering when I would be able to eat that thing called tuna. Kim Daesik gnawed and sucked on my earlobe for a long time before pulling his lips away. Then he smacked his lips for all to see and grinned.

“A delicacy.”

While the men murmured at those words, Kim Daesik continued.

“What do you think is the reason they catch men at Pyeongseong Prison and make them fuck? When the women get pregnant and give birth, they raise the girls and eat the boys. But do you know how long they keep those boys alive? They only keep them alive until they are weaned. They do it to get clean, pure meat that hasn’t been infected because it has never eaten human flesh. There is no food as precious as that.”

Kim Daesik patted my back a few times as if praising me.

“Something so precious has fallen into our hands, isn’t it a waste to defile it?”

Lee Seokhyeon, who had been protesting all along, murmured as if agreeing with those words.

“Well, then you should have explained it earlier….”

Kim Daesik shrugged.

“At first, I didn’t believe he had never eaten human flesh. But after watching him for a while, I think it’s true.”

No one could argue with his words, as if they all thought Kim Daesik was completely right. When the protesting Lee Seokhyeon subsided, Kim Daesik gestured at me with his chin and said.

“Eat, you can eat it.”

I, who had been waiting only for his permission, took a spoonful of the tuna that was simmering in the frying pan and brought it to my mouth. Not only Kim Daesik but everyone else watched that scene with intense focus.

Under the pouring gazes, I put the spoon in my mouth and took it out. As I soon chewed on it, moving my mouth, everyone frowned and became tense. I widened my eyes at the firm and salty, yet greasy taste that softly wrapped around my tongue.

It was delicious, so delicious that it was a shame to swallow it down my throat.

“It’s delicious…….”

As I let out a gasp like a sigh, everyone else let out exclamations of admiration in unison.

“Shit, of course it’s delicious. There’s no way it wouldn’t be.”

“Ah, I’m dying. I just ate but I’m hungry again.”

“Hey, if you have any conscience, leave some. Let us at least have a taste.”

Their chattering words no longer reached my ears. I lifted the frying pan whole and, not even realizing it was hot, shoveled the tuna into my mouth greedily. The roof of my mouth was completely burned, canker sores rose on my tongue, and my stomach was as hot as if it were on fire, but I did not even breathe as I moved the spoon. Seeing that, Kim Daesik said, “Eat a little slower, you’ll get indigestion,” and handed me water, but I did not even glance at it. I kept my nose buried in the frying pan until I had completely emptied it.

Even after I had finished all the tuna dish, I could not suppress the feeling of regret. I scraped the frying pan with a spoon and, unable to stop there, licked it with my tongue. Seeing that, the men who had been licking the empty tuna cans cursed and complained about how I did not leave even a single spoonful. Ignoring them, I, who had polished the frying pan until it was shiny, licked even the grease smeared around my nose and mouth and said.

“Is this the end? Is there no more?”

Kim Daesik snorted as if he found it absurd, but his eyes were pleased.

“Do you think tuna cans are just piled up somewhere? This is the last tuna can I have too.”

“It’s delicious, so delicious. It’s different from the cans I used to eat, really different.”

“Compared to those damn cat food cans you used to eat.”

Kim Daesik, who had been gloating, casually added a word.

“Then what happened earlier, we’ll consider it as if it never happened, okay?”

“What?”

“That… your birthday present….”

“The chocolate you ate up?”

At the word chocolate, the men who had been licking the cans until their tongues were about to be cut, and were even about to put them in water to boil, their eyes flashed. They glared at Kim Daesik with fearsome eyes and repeated like broken records, “Did you say chocolate?” “Did you just say chocolate?” “You said chocolate, right?” Kim Daesik completely ignored them and nodded at my words. Seeing that, the men cried out in protest, but Kim Daesik ignored them and said.

“Do you know how much this one can of tuna is worth? What do you think is the reason I opened something so precious for you?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know about that, just give me back my chocolate.”

“What?”

“Either spit out my chocolate, or find me the same thing.”

Kim Daesik’s expression hardened as if to ask if I was serious, and he raised one eyebrow. I could feel him internally debating whether to just kill me or not, but I was not scared. My brother was dead and I had become an adult, so there was no way I could be scared.

Kim Daesik let out a sigh of “Ha….” and ruffled his hair, from which ash flew. Seeing that, the other men chimed in, competing with each other.

“Ah, what are you hesitating for, just kill him.”

“It’s a waste of the tuna can we just fed him, so let’s kill him in three or four days. He ate something greasy, so if we wait a few days, he’ll put on some weight.”

“Fuck, even if I couldn’t eat the tuna can, I’m definitely eating that bastard.”

They enthusiastically listed ways to cook me. The intestines would be cut up and barbecued, the head boiled whole and solidified before being sliced and eaten, the shoulder and thigh meat thinly sliced and smoked, the hands and feet steamed with the skin on, and the bones simmered thoroughly to make bone broth.

Kim Daesik, who had been listening intently to those words, shot up from his seat, snatched my arm, and pulled. Then he dragged me to the bunker. Seeing that, the men jeered.

“Yeah, do it one more time before you kill him!”

“Hey, lunchbox. You have to pay for the tuna can you ate, right?”

“Shake that ass like crazy, okay?”

Leaving behind them as they cackled, spouting lewd words, I was pushed into the bunker and in an instant, pushed onto the bed. I clutched the blanket like a shield and retreated towards the wall, screaming, “I-I’m hurt. I’m not fully healed yet!” but Kim Daesik did not even pretend to listen. He snatched me and pulled me, then stripped off my thick outer clothes and pulled down my pants.

I, now naked, was extremely tense, afraid that my barely healed rear hole would be pierced again. Kim Daesik, before inserting his penis which was nothing short of a weapon to me, stripped me naked and began to suck on my entire body. He rubbed my cheeks and lips, ears and neck, shoulders and chest, and the nipples attached to them with his lips and tongue, and ceaselessly caressed my small buttocks, soft penis, and smooth thighs. As if he could not bite into something delicious but was savoring it, melting it little by little, he licked my entire body. The sensation was strange, so I twisted my body several times and tried to push his head away.

“Ah, eut, don’t. Eung… I-I don’t want to.”

But the gesture of refusing him had no strength. My limbs felt strangely limp and my body was excited, making it difficult to resist. Seeing me like that, Kim Daesik pulled his body away, took off his clothes, and asked.

“Don’t just say you don’t want to without thinking. Which is it, exactly?”

“Wh… what is?”

“You don’t really hate it, do you?”

“…….”

When I could not answer and just shut my mouth, he pressed his naked body against mine and asked.

“Or, are you afraid I’ll hurt you again?”

I hesitated, then nodded. Seeing that, he smiled, his droopy eyes crinkling, and he gently scraped my nipple, which was erect and wet with saliva, with his fingertip and said.

“Don’t worry, I won’t put it in today. I won’t do anything that hurts.”

“……R-really… eut, is that so?”

“Yeah. See this, feels good, right?”

“This is… what feels good?”

“Look at this, your dick is hard.”

He gently cupped my penis, which had somehow become half-erect. I let out a nasal sound of “Eung,” and twisted my waist.

“When this gets hard, it means it feels good.”

He grabbed my penis, which had quickly become hard and erect, and began to shake it. At that, my whole body was seized by an indescribable thrill and trembled. My toes curled, my back arched, and a chilling sensation spread from the pit of my stomach to my fingertips and toes. As that sensation repeated, I felt strangely anxious. I placed my hand over his and urged him to shake faster. But he forcefully removed my hand and then pressed his penis, which was about twice the size of mine, against me.

“Touch mine too.”

When I cupped it with my hand, its veins bulging, it squirmed and grew larger. It was so big I could not even hold it with one hand, so it was grotesque. The thought that he had put something like this inside my body and jabbed me relentlessly made me hate it even more.

“Hurry, grab it and shake. Or I won’t do it for you either.”

He urged me, so I reluctantly shook my hand, but it was half-hearted. In the end, unsatisfied, he growled and grabbed my penis together with his and shook them. With his added in, his palm was hard and his hand movements were rough, so it was more painful than pleasurable. I screamed that it hurt several times, but he paid no mind and shook my penis as if to pull it out, finally bringing me to climax.

“Keuhh……!”

He let out a sound close to a sigh and poured out a bucketful of hot semen. I, on the other hand, went limp, and as soon as he let go of his hand, I quickly retreated from him. Then, as if to say, ‘Now that it’s over, get lost,’ I wrapped myself in the blanket and lay down. But he, who had roughly wiped himself clean, did not move away from me. He took the blanket as if snatching it and then pressed his body against my back.

“You said you wouldn’t put it in!”

At the lump of flesh pressing firmly against my buttocks, I tried to push him away with my elbow, but it was useless. He spread out the crumpled blanket and covered both of our bodies with it and said.

“Didn’t you hear those bastards earlier? You have to pay for what you ate.”

I thought my buttocks would surely be torn, but Kim Daesik did not do anything more. He just pressed his body against mine like a spoon and held me, trying to sleep. It seemed he intended to use me as a pillow or a doll.

I gave up my futile resistance and just lay there, being held. As I lay like that, I gradually became drowsy. Perhaps because my stomach was full, I felt sleepy again, making it seem pointless that I had slept all day.

I slowly closed my eyes and tried to imagine that the person lying with me was my brother. It did not work well. My brother also used to hold me while he slept, but Kim Daesik’s body was very different from my brother’s. My brother’s gaunt, skinny body was cold, and when it touched my own equally skinny body, it hurt. Even if he was wearing several layers of clothes, I could feel the bones rattling inside.

On the other hand, Kim Daesik was large and his body was thick, so being held by him felt like being wrapped in several layers of sleeping bags. It was a bit heavy, but his heat-emitting muscles boasted better elasticity than the mattress I was lying on.

In his arms, I fell asleep without even realizing when.