HARD 18

“Woonha.”

Go Woonha, lost in thought, ignored the voice calling his name.

“Go Woonha!”

“I’m not deaf.”

As the voice grew louder, Go Woonha finally answered smoothly. But underneath his tone was a faint trace of irritation.

That’s right. He was irritated. The slightest dip in Go Woonha’s mood made him feel twice as displeased as others. Everyone would agree that while pleasure or joy were felt only to the degree they were given, irritation or depression were felt twofold by him. It was the same for Go Woonha. He had never felt depression, but he did feel irritation.

“Then why aren’t you answering?”

Go Woonha slowly turned his head. With languid eyes, he stared at the man sitting next to him.

“Hyung. How did you know I was here?”

At that, the man looked startled.

“Hey, what are you—no. I just came, and you happened to be here.”

“Really?”

Although he knew full well it was a lie, Go Woonha smiled as if he would let it slide.

“I have something to ask you.”

“Yeah, yeah. Go ahead.”

“Back then, was it last year?”

“Uh-huh.”

“I got your younger brother a part-time job at your place, right?”

He was a man Go Woonha had known as a sex partner for quite a while, the last time—no, the time before last—that he was in Korea. Despite having been with him for a long time by Go Woonha’s standards, he couldn’t remember the man’s name. He had judged that there would be no reason to meet him in a professional capacity.

The man was the owner of a bar. He avoided Go Woonha’s gaze, as if asking why he was bringing that up now.

“Why. Are you going to give me crap because some weird customer started hitting on your brother or your brother’s boyfriend? Hey. How can I keep an eye on every single customer? And the part-timers, too. Huh? I just thought he was an acquaintance, I didn’t even know he was your brother.”

“You’re right. I didn’t say anything. I’m sorry.”

Because Go Woonha was smiling brightly, the owner let out a sigh as if relieved. But he immediately asked in an anxious voice.

“But why bring that up now? Is your brother maybe saying he’s going to come looking for me again…?”

“No. I don’t know if it was because of that, but things worked out well. But he hid it from me. The fact that something like that had happened.”

“Heyy. Since when did you care about things like that?”

Watching the fidgeting owner, Go Woonha slowly leaned forward, resting on his forearms. As he stared intently, the owner blushed, feeling extremely uncomfortable and tense.

Go Woonha had very pretty eyes. And the owner still had lingering feelings for him.

“Woonha. I can do any kind of play you want. So….”

He gulped and tilted his head. His lips, puckered towards Go Woonha’s, were flat and pathetic like a duck’s bill.

Go Woonha offered no help at all. But he didn’t stop him either. He simply remained still, his eyes dry and impassive, as if lost in thought.

Then, he lifted his head slightly. The owner, overjoyed by the response, kissed him passionately. Go Woonha stayed still for a moment, then pushed him away. Then he reached for a tissue and wiped his lips.

The owner looked deeply hurt, but Go Woonha didn’t care. He didn’t even pretend to soothe him like he usually would.

This is so irritating.

He had to admit it now. He could clearly feel that this was an emotion that couldn’t be resolved by just rolling around with someone, anyone.

Go Woonha stared at the lips approaching him again. Soon, they pressed against his and parted slightly. He could easily stick out his tongue, but he wasn’t aroused. Go Woonha turned his head and teased him a few times with just his lips. That alone seemed to make the other man extremely excited. With their lips still touching, Go Woonha rolled his eyes and then pulled his head away.

“Hyung. Sorry. I’m not in the mood right now.”

“Why, why?”

The owner, who had a premonition that this would be the last time, grew anxious.

He had heard from someone else that Go Woonha was back in Korea. He couldn’t give up, even after being taunted, “That guy’s always been like that, it’s not like you were dating, and you’re not going to, so why are you so upset?” That was why the owner didn’t notice that Go Woonha’s gaze and atmosphere were different from usual.

“I’ll take care of everything. Huh?”

Even after hearing the pleading words, Go Woonha’s heart, far from being swayed, sank even lower.

An image of Cha Gyuwon’s utterly dejected, childlike face came to mind. Along with the thought that he was really like a damn kid, he remembered all the other people who had made countless strange attempts, saying, ‘There’s a problem with the way you live, and there’s definitely a reason for it, and I’ll find it for you.’

Was what Cha Gyuwon wanted to say the same kind of cliché he’d heard so many times? Still, maybe he should have at least listened.

Fuck. Why do I have to think about this?

Go Woonha would take a punch, but he would never hit anyone, and he rarely swore. That was his own clever way of navigating the world. But now, a curse had slipped out.

Thinking he saw an opening as Go Woonha paused, lost in thought, the owner tilted his head again. As the strong scent of cologne drew closer, Go Woonha shot to his feet.

“Let’s stop here, hyung.”

He smiled gently, his eyes crinkling, but the aftertaste was chilling. The owner, finally realizing his mistake, came to his senses.

Go Woonha took his wallet out of his jacket’s inner pocket and paid for the owner’s share as well.

“I’ll get yours, hyung. I’m grateful for everything until now.”

“Hey. You… are you really ending things this rudely?”

“No. Usually I’m a bit more courteous, but I don’t feel like it today. I told you I’m not in the mood, hyung. I’m not in a good mood today. Let’s not have me dig up what happened last year and find fault with it. Okay?”

Only then did the owner understand why Go Woonha had suddenly brought up last year. It meant, you did something wrong, so back off while I’m asking nicely.

He felt humiliated watching Go Woonha’s retreating back, but because Go Woonha was so eye-catching, there were eyes watching them, so he couldn’t act rashly.

But that didn’t mean his anger subsided.

The owner weighed his pride, his reputation, and his anger toward Go Woonha, then shot to his feet.

He grabbed Go Woonha, who was going up the stairs, and asked through gritted teeth.

“Hey. You don’t even like men, so as long as you, fuck, get your own desires met, that’s all that matters? Is a person’s heart a joke to you?”

Go Woonha stared at the owner blankly. There wasn’t a hint of agitation in his eyes.

“Isn’t it famous enough by now that I don’t need to explain that I don’t come here to date, and sleeping with someone doesn’t mean I’m dating them?”

“You crazy bastard. Still, still, when people see each other…!”

“Some people might develop feelings. But I don’t.”

Go Woonha caressed the owner’s cheek and smiled brightly. The owner’s eyes wavered greatly. The touch was so gentle, and whatever he was wearing, Go Woonha smelled damn good.

“You openly go around calling Go Woonha a slut, but you still want to date that slut? You didn’t really believe you were the one who could change that slut, that easy bastard, did you?”

He was lashing out. Go Woonha knew it too. He was taking out his anger on the wrong person. Was it because his pride was hurt by hearing such things even from Cha Gyuwon, or had he been under the delusion that Cha Gyuwon would never make such a presumptuous assumption?

He just felt like shit. No, there’s nothing wrong with me. You don’t need to try and interpret me on your own, you don’t need to try and understand me on your own, so please, just stop.

“Hyung. People don’t change.”

Go Woonha whispered one last time and went on his way again.

👟

[Seoul Cha Gyuhan]

I’m in Seoul.

I got here yesterday.

But I can’t get in touch with Gyuwon.

I’m sorry, but can you please check on him?

Go Woonha frowned at Cha Gyuhan’s text messages.

Things had gotten complicated because the contract renewals for several athletes belonging to his agency’s Korean branch had overlapped. Clauses were overturned, changed, and rejected several times a day. Once all these contracts were sorted out, he would have to create promotional videos to celebrate the new year and new image videos for the athletes.

So he was insanely busy.

How many days had passed since he’d made Cha Gyuwon get out of the car? He couldn’t even remember clearly. Sometimes, the image of Cha Gyuwon, looking like a bear caught in the rain after being kicked out without even getting to finish what he was saying, would pop into his head, but he hadn’t had a spare moment to contact him again.

And just like that, 17 days had passed.

Go Woonha squinted at the sunlight filtering through the gap in the curtains and yawned. Not wanting to lift a single finger, he dictated a reply using voice recognition.

[Go Woonha]

Why are you telling me this?

Due to the limitations of voice recognition, the reply was written in a particularly stiff manner.

Watching the indicator that the other person was typing a message, Go Woonha was about to fall back asleep but clicked his tongue.

[Seoul Cha Gyuhan]
Because I’m worried he might have gotten into some kind of trouble.
He said he felt sick the last time we talked.

“Why are you telling me this? What do you want me to do?”

Muttering, Go Woonha rolled over in bed. Then he moved his fingers. Tap, tap….

[Go Woonha]
I’m not his guardian.

[Seoul Cha Gyuhan]
He doesn’t have anyone else to look after him here besides me.
Please.

[Go Woonha]
Don’t ask me to take care of your brother. I’m busy.

“Ah. Seriously.”

After sending the message, Go Woonha irritably threw his phone.

He’d acted emotionally again. No, but really, why was he asking me to look after his younger brother? As if I have some kind of responsibility for him.

His mind a mess, Go Woonha got out of bed and stood at the bar table with his eyes closed, his face scrunched up. He remained that way while the coffee was brewing, and even after it was done.

In the meantime, another message came from Cha Gyuhan, who was tireless. It was full of worry for his brother. The words, Doesn’t he have any friends? almost came out of his fingertips, but he held back because it really seemed to be the case.

The word “younger brother,” not Cha Gyuhan himself, was what bothered Go Woonha. If it were some random kid he didn’t know, he could just say, Thank you for the meal, it was delicious and you were kind even though I came to the wrong place, but it had to be a ‘younger brother.’

I have a soft spot for ‘younger brothers.’

Of course, Cha Gyuhan knew nothing of the sort, and if Go Woonha’s ‘younger brother’ Go San had heard him, he would have thrown a fit, shouting, Stop your damn bullshit, is it a habit? But Go Woonha was being quite serious.

As the coffee’s aroma faded a little and the cup cooled, Go Woonha ruffled his hair and headed for the bathroom. An exasperated laugh was an added bonus. This is why people shouldn’t do things they don’t normally do. It’s my fault for eating something I don’t normally eat, he thought.

👟

Early on, Cha Gyuhan had registered his car number with Cha Gyuwon’s apartment and had also given him the passcode, so Go Woonha could have just barged in.

However, the reason he called Cha Gyuwon from the parking garage was that he hoped he would answer. He had worked as a babysitter in high school, but he hated looking after a child for reasons other than work. This is why you have to neatly have sex and delete the number on your way out. Doing something that wasn’t even a fight and then seeing that face made an already uncomfortable sleeping arrangement even more uncomfortable. He didn’t want to drag out this lingering unease.

He sat in the car, hands in his pockets, body slumped against the seat, and waited for Cha Gyuwon’s reply. But no call came back. The fact that the phone wasn’t turned off meant he was at least alive, so without worrying about finding Cha Gyuwon’s dead body, he got on the elevator.

“……”

Inside the elevator, Go Woonha silently tossed and caught his car key. It was only after coming here that he realized that he had only forgotten about it for a while because he was busy, and that he was still faintly displeased. If Cha Gyuwon cried his eyes out or hid while spouting some nonsense again this time, it was over.

Having come to that conclusion, Go Woonha rang Cha Gyuwon’s doorbell. He pressed it over and over without stopping. When there was no answer even after acting in a way that could be called inconsiderate, he raised his hand to enter the passcode himself. Getting to this point would probably cut his remaining patience for Cha Gyuwon in half.

Finally, just as he placed his hand on the door lock keypad.

“…Who’s there?”

A low, cracked voice, so hoarse it sounded like an animal’s growl, came from inside. It was as gravelly as someone who hadn’t spoken for a hundred days.