HCILH Ch. 84

Chapter 84: Relapse

By the time Sui Houyu left Class Ten’s classroom and arrived at the tennis court, he was already 40 minutes late.

When he reached the indoor tennis training court, he saw that Hou Mo and Sang Xian seemed to be in the middle of a singles match.

He didn’t head over immediately but went to change into his sportswear. Coming back out with his racket, he looked around only to find that there was no available court for him to practice on.

He walked diagonally behind Hou Mo and, while Hou Mo was picking up a ball, asked: “Are you still practicing baseline passing shots?”

Originally, he had planned to practice with Deng Yiheng and Shen Junjing.

“You’re too late, so we changed the training plan.” Hou Mo replied before returning to the court to play.

Sang Xian glanced at Sui Houyu, hesitating to speak, but ultimately said nothing.

Not knowing what to do, Sui Houyu moved to the side and found a spot to practice controlling his shots on his own.

They remained in this stalemate for about half an hour before Hou Mo, holding his racket, finally walked over and stood beside Sui Houyu, silently watching him.

Turning his head, Sui Houyu tried to gauge Hou Mo’s mood, wondering if he was angry about him being late.

Hou Mo, however, showed no signs of anger, speaking as calmly as possible: “Sui Houyu, our training is planned out meticulously, with each time slot accounted for. The teammates you’re supposed to train with are prepared, so when you don’t show up, it wastes their time.”

The words themselves seemed fine, but he didn’t call him “Brother Yu,” instead using his full name.

Sui Houyu pressed his lips together and whispered: “Sorry.”

“You’re new here, so many of the training schedules are tailored around your time, with you prioritized for the court. Only after you’re done do the others take their turn. And you? You ran off to date someone?” Hou Mo continued.

“I didn’t. She came to me for something, and I just looked at some problems while I was at it…”

“If you’re serious about studying for exams, talk to Coach Wang. That way, he won’t focus on training you as a starting player, and you’ll have time to study. No one is forcing you to be on the tennis team.”

Sui Houyu wasn’t known for his good temper.

This time, he knew he was at fault for being late, and Hou Mo’s words were justified, so he lowered his head to admit his mistake.

But with Hou Mo continuously chiding him, irritation began to bubble up, and it took all his effort to keep from snapping.

After a pause, he finally replied: “It won’t happen again.”

Hou Mo stood in front of him for a long time, exhaling shakily before saying: “Maybe you should really think it over—whether you want to keep playing tennis. You don’t have to push yourself so hard. Ran Shu and Su Anyi wouldn’t have to accompany you to tennis practice, and you’d have more time to spend with Ai Mengtian.”

“…” Sui Houyu frowned slightly, looking at Hou Mo. “Are you trying to push me away?”

“You don’t need to do anything for me. Just live your life the way you want. If you don’t truly love tennis, it’s hard to stick with it. If being in a relationship makes it hard for you to train, will you quit then? Can you not just pass through my life and leave me hurting afterward?”

Hou Mo was getting scared.

He had always avoided doubles matches because he didn’t want to form bonds. The thought of a training partner leaving and making him fall into an abyss of grief was something he couldn’t bear.

He didn’t want to experience the feeling of losing someone he cared about again. 

Ending it early, before he got in too deep, seemed better.

Sui Houyu stared at Hou Mo for a while, then suddenly let out a cold laugh: “Are you serious? I admit I was late. That’s on me. But what the hell are you rambling about? Do you want a fight?”

“I’m just warning you so you don’t end up quitting over a relationship and wasting everyone else’s time and effort.”

“I said she came to me for something. Are your ears clogged? Can’t you understand me? Did I say I’d quit?! I already apologized for being late. It was my fault. But what’s with all this nonsense?! Is it necessary?!” Sui Houyu’s voice grew louder and louder until he was shouting.

Hou Mo was stunned awake by the yelling.

He had forgotten that Sui Houyu had mania. His early experiences had left him unable to handle any form of grievance.

Especially from someone he cared about.

“Brother Yu, I misspoke. Don’t be mad…” Hou Mo quickly stepped forward, trying to hug Sui Houyu to comfort him.

Sui Houyu pushed him away: “Don’t touch me!”

During evening study sessions, Su Anyi didn’t come to training, as she would stay in the classroom to study.

At that moment, only Ran Shu was at the training site. Sensing the tense atmosphere and hearing Sui Houyu’s outburst, he hurried over to calm him down: “Wh-what’s wrong, Brother Yu? Don’t get mad.”

Sui Houyu continued shouting: “Is everything I do wrong? Is it all my fault? Everything I do is wrong!”

“It’s not wrong. We’re not wrong. Come on, let’s go watch some anime. ‘One Piece’ probably has a new episode out.” Ran Shu guided Sui Houyu out, turning back to tell Hou Mo, “Stay here for now. If I can’t handle it, I’ll call you.”

Hou Mo knew this wasn’t Ran Shu’s first time dealing with such situations, so he obediently stayed behind and didn’t follow, allowing Ran Shu to take Sui Houyu away.

The other teammates, clueless about what had happened, gathered around to ask questions.

Annoyed, Hou Mo waved them off: “Back to training!”

No one dared to bother him further.

Ran Shu took Sui Houyu outside, not returning to the dorm but instead finding a quiet place to sit and play an episode of “One Piece” on his phone for Sui Houyu.

This was his usual method of coaxing Sui Houyu.

When Sui Houyu got upset, they’d watch anime together, a habit they had kept since they were young.

But today, Sui Houyu wasn’t in the mood. He sat curled up on the chair, hugging his legs, and stayed silent.

Seeing that he had calmed down a bit, Ran Shu asked: “Brother Yu, wh-what happened? You haven’t had an episode in a long time.”

“I was late, and Hou Mo got mad.” After calming down, Sui Houyu spoke more gently, sounding aggrieved.

“And then he scolded you?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s not enough to set you off like this.” Ran Shu was puzzled. This didn’t seem enough to provoke such a big reaction.

Sui Houyu lowered his gaze, his long, thick lashes hiding his downcast eyes: “I don’t mind when other people say things, but when he does, it really hurts… more than when others do.”

“Is it because he’s usually so good to you that when he suddenly lashes out, you can’t handle it?”

“Maybe… He told me to quit the team. Does that mean he doesn’t want me around anymore? I was only late this one time…” Sui Houyu had worked hard to follow the training plan and endure the high-intensity regimen. Did one late arrival trigger all this?

“I th-think it was just said in anger. He’d never really want you gone.” Ran Shu let out a cold laugh. “Still, it makes me worry when you’re like this.”

Sui Houyu didn’t respond, just hugged his legs tighter and asked: “Was I too harsh earlier?”

“You kind of lashed out for no reason, but it’s okay. At least there was no physical fight.”

“Then, should I apologize?”

Ran Shu looked at him for a long time before leaning in and whispering: “Brother Yu, do you… do you like that jerk?”

Sui Houyu’s eyelashes fluttered slightly before he looked up at Ran Shu. He didn’t say anything for a long time.

After a moment of eye contact, Ran Shu sighed and muttered: “F*ck…”

Ran Shu suddenly understood Sui Houyu’s unusual behavior.

But his mood soured instantly, and he even felt like getting some friends together to ambush Hou Mo with a sack.

*

Meanwhile, Hou Mo was in no better shape.

When he had spoken to Sui Houyu earlier, he had been so overcome with jealousy that he’d said things he now deeply regretted, resulting in Sui Houyu’s anger.

Realizing this, he’d succeeded in provoking Sui Houyu into a rage.

He now wanted to apologize but was afraid it would only aggravate Sui Houyu further. The indecision gnawed at him.

By the time practice ended, Sui Houyu and Ran Shu hadn’t returned. Hou Mo didn’t even dare shower or go back to the dorm, worried that choosing the wrong moment would trigger Sui Houyu’s relapse.

Mania had a high relapse rate, especially without medication, like in Sui Houyu’s case.

Sitting alone in the locker room, Hou Mo was so frustrated that he kept pulling at his hair.

He cursed himself for his foolishness—why had he said all that?

Even if one day Sui Houyu really fell in love, left the team, and focused on studying for the college entrance exam, Hou Mo had no right to interfere.

At most, he and Sui Houyu were just friends. Trying to control more than that would be overstepping.

The more he thought about it, the more he regretted it, feeling a surge of frustration that made him want to yell out loud.

Sang Xian, who had already left, suddenly returned. He walked in and said to Hou Mo: “I asked Ran Shu, and Sui Houyu is doing better now.”

“Oh…” Hou Mo let out a sigh of relief.

“I think Sui Houyu cares about you, and it doesn’t seem like there’s anything serious between him and that Ai Mengtian. You don’t need to worry too much.”

Hou Mo nodded: “Mm.”

Seeing how distraught Hou Mo looked, as if he was about to break down, Sang Xian hesitated for a moment but finally spoke: “Sui Houyu might not be completely straight. He seems to have some feelings for you. And he definitely notices my presence and seems to get jealous. You’re not entirely without a chance.”

Upon hearing this, Hou Mo immediately shook his head in denial: “I’ve spent a lot of time with him, and I know he’s truly straight. He does so many things that are blatantly straight, and he doesn’t even think there’s anything to be cautious about when he’s with me. If he really had feelings for me, some of the things he does would be downright flirtatious. How could it be? Brother Yu is such an innocent guy…”

“I’m just an outsider, so I notice details you might miss. You think it’s impossible because you like him.” Sang Xian tried to continue convincing him.

Hou Mo shook his head: “I know you’re trying to comfort me, but I’m fully aware that the problem lies with me. I knew it was impossible, but I still fell for him. Now, just the thought of him possibly dating someone else makes my heart feel like it’s going to explode. I don’t want to get too close to someone only to have them suddenly leave me one day… But now I realize that caring about someone and seeing them all the time, yet knowing they don’t belong to me, is just as painful.”

Sang Xian fell silent for a long time before suddenly apologizing: “I’m sorry.”

Confused, Hou Mo turned to look at Sang Xian and asked: “Why are you apologizing?”

“It’s because of me that you feel this anxious and uneasy. I’m sorry… You must be so tired because of me, right?”

Sang Xian stared at him, hands slightly trembling.

Moments later, Sang Xian began to break down and cry uncontrollably, tears streaming down his face beyond his control.

Hou Mo hurriedly approached him and asked: “Did you bring your medication?”

Sang Xian shook his head blankly.

“Is there any in the dorm?”

Sang Xian shook his head again.

He had stopped taking his medication for a long time to be able to compete.

Hou Mo didn’t expect things to escalate this way and quickly sent a voice message to Uncle Sang, asking them to send a car to pick him up.

Putting down his phone, Hou Mo sighed: “What do we do? Just talking to you makes things worse for you… Everyone tells me to move on, but you’re the one who really needs to move on, right? I don’t even hate you anymore…”

Important notes from the author:

When Sang Xian relapses, he cries uncontrollably, apologizes repeatedly, self-h*rms, and even… you know about the scars on his wrists.