HMLU Ch 12
by soapaAs soon as I finished the meal, barely aware if it went into my mouth or nose, I pulled out the coffee pot. While hurriedly connecting the cord, I heard a clattering sound nearby. Turning around, I saw Chanhee putting the dishes in the sink.
“Hey, leave it. I’ll clean up later.”
“It’s not much, so I’ll do it quickly.”
“No, what kind of guest…”
“It was really delicious. I’ve never had fried rice this good before.”
His sincere smile, casually brushing off my protests, almost made me shut my mouth. I barely snapped out of it and grabbed his arm.
“It’s fine, I said. Go sit down.”
“Wouldn’t it be faster if we each did our tasks instead of arguing?”
“The guest’s job is to sit quietly and eat what’s given.”
I pulled with all my strength, but his solid frame didn’t budge. It was only natural, given the difference in our builds. At that point, stubbornness kicked in, and I grabbed him with both arms, putting my weight into it. With a grunt, I leaned back, and only then did Chanhee take a step, bursting into laughter.
“Why are you so desperate to stop me? It’s just dishes.”
Pretending not to hear, I backed up, and light laughter followed each step. After grunting and dragging him to sit in front of the bed, I finally returned to the tiny kitchen.
“Coffee as an Americano?”
“Yes.”
I poured two steaming cups of coffee into mugs and set them on the small table. Chanhee was sitting cross-legged with his laptop on the table. His legs were so long that his knees seemed ready to push the table up.
“I told you to use the desk.”
“There’s only one chair.”
“I can sit on the bed.”
Since the desk and bed were arranged in an L-shape, I often turned the monitor to use it from the bed. Chanhee seemed to finally understand, letting out an “ah” as he stood up with his laptop.
“First, let’s deal with the hedgehog…”
As I sat on the bed and turned the monitor, I let out a sigh. The guild applications had surpassed 300. The mailbox was bursting again. If I left it alone, I wouldn’t even be able to claim event items, so I irritably hit “delete all” first.
At this rate, word’s bound to spread. Just in case, I opened the game’s community forum, and sure enough, the front page was buzzing.
[Real-Time Hot Post] Hedgehog Slayer Title Effect
The content was a screenshot of Popuri showing off in the big city. As a beastman with black fur, the cute sprout effect stood out even more. After a long thread of questions about whether it was possible to kill the hedgehog, I finally found the starting point of this mess.
FreeHanDobi: Even if a beastman’s damage is insane, they can kill a hedgehog before it self-destructs? Total BS lol
└WhiteBackFish: No, he said he didn’t kill it, his guild master did.
└FreeHanDobi: Who’s the guild master?
BangGukBong: Why’s Popuri’s guild name like that? Wasn’t it Legend?
└SherlockHouse: Yeah, new guild. They say the guild master killed it.
└FreeHanDobi: Who’s the guild master?
SherlockHouse: ☆Summary☆ You can kill the hedgehog / Killing it gives the Hedgehog Slayer title / Title effect: a sprout on your head / Popuri’s new guild’s master knows how to kill it / Guild name: <sungtan> / Currently recruiting for Solga raid.
└FreeHanDobi: Ugh, so who’s the guild master?
└SherlockHouse: Meritocracy
└FreeHanDobi: ??? Searched it, and it’s a Druid??
└SherlockHouse: Yeah, it’s a Druid.
└FreeHanDobi: lol wtf this game’s gone to hell, now Druids are guild masters.
Right on cue, a notification popped up on the game screen.
[‘FreeHanDobi’ has submitted a guild application.]
I slammed the reject button and scoffed. Meanwhile, Chanhee, who had been tinkering with guild settings, asked belatedly.
“Our guild name is Sungtan?”
My hand instinctively gripped the mouse tighter.
“…Yeah, it’s temporary, just temporary. We can change it anytime.”
“Why? I like it as is.”
I barely managed to look away from his grinning face. To create a guild room, you need a two-character guild name. I’d just thrown in the first thing that came to mind, but it felt oddly embarrassing.
[Guild] Popuri: Hey, hyung-nim.
[Guild] Popuri: If you’re done eating, can we do some interviews?
[Guild] Meritocracy: Hold on, I’m going to run a dungeon first.
[Guild] Popuri: Just one, please, real quick.
[Guild] Popuri: CityBoy’s here.
“CityBoy?”
I said it out loud without thinking, and Chanhee tilted his head. CityBoy was the mage from the <mandu> guild. A ranker, obviously.
“No way, even someone like him is applying? Was the hedgehog that big a deal?”
“Is he good?”
“Top mage ranker. But he’s Mandu’s main dealer—why’d he leave?”
Despite my excitement, I was a bit worried. Popuri’s antics are so eccentric that people just shrug them off, but if we start pulling multiple rankers from stable guilds, it might not look good to others.
[Guild] Meritocracy: Alright, call him in.
Of course, no fool would pass up a skilled raider over something like that. As the interview atmosphere set in, Chanhee leaned forward.
“Can I watch from there too?”
“Huh? Yeah.”
I answered absentmindedly, and he got up, plopping down next to me. The cheap mattress sank, and our thighs pressed together. I stiffened instinctively, but the real issue came next. He propped his hand behind my back and rested his cheek on my shoulder.
“…”
Is this okay? Is this distance really fine? I could feel my pulse pounding at the back of my neck from the shock.
“…You’re heavy.”
I blurted it out, desperate to resolve the situation, but it was no use. Chanhee just chuckled and didn’t move. The scent of his hair, brushing under my chin, was maddeningly pleasant.
“He’s here.”
Amidst it all, a female elf character entered the guild room. As the tallest race, all the characters in the room craned their necks to look up.
[Guest] CityBoy: Hello.
At a glance, he was a lookduck (*look otaku: a user who spends a lot of money and effort on cosmetic items). From headpiece to outfit, shoes, and staff, he was decked out in rare items. The jeweled veil wrapping his long silver hair was a decorative item from a limited kit (*cash item for random rewards) two years ago, a collab piece with near-zero re-release odds, its price skyrocketing.
“Wow, what he’s wearing alone must be worth hundreds…”
“His clothes?”
Chanhee’s question sent his breath across my cheek. My spine tingled, but I tried to play it cool.
“Yeah… This guy’s famous for collecting rare cosmetics.”
“Hundreds in real money?”
“Could go up to thousands. That headpiece alone is priceless.”
He let out a “hmm” and nodded. At the same time, the hand propping the bed slid to my waist. …This is driving me insane. My mouth felt dry, and I licked my lips for no reason.
[Guild] Meritocracy: Hello.
[Guest] CityBoy: I.
[Guest] CityBoy: Have a question first.
[Guest] CityBoy: Guild Master, are you Nickmer?
Just when I was already overwhelmed, CityBoy came in hot. My head spun, but I forced myself to focus.
[Guild] Meritocracy: Did Popuri-nim tell you?
[Guest] CityBoy: Not exactly.
[Guest] CityBoy: Popuri-nim’s here.
[Guest] CityBoy: Killed the hedgehog.
[Guest] CityBoy: Planning to go for Solga.
[Guest] CityBoy: And you’re a Druid.
[Guest] CityBoy: So I wondered if you’re Nickmer.
[Guild] Popuri: So smart.
[Guild] Popuri: Must be a liberal arts major.
I quickly sent a jeering motion to Popuri. He immediately shriveled pathetically.
[Guild] Meritocracy: If I’m Nickmer, will you join our guild?
[Guest] CityBoy: Yes.
[Guild] Meritocracy: Hmm, but.
[Guild] Meritocracy: I know CityBoy-nim is Mandu’s main dealer.
[Guild] Meritocracy: Is it okay to switch so suddenly? I’m worried Mandu might pick a fight with us later.
[Guest] CityBoy: I think that’s possible.
[Guest] CityBoy: I didn’t leave on good terms.
His cool-headed response actually put me at ease. From the vibe, it didn’t seem like he was the one at fault.
[Guild] Meritocracy: Can I ask what happened?
[Guest] CityBoy: The moment they found out I’m a woman, the sub-master started hitting on me like a dog in heat, so I cursed him out and left.
“…”
“…”
I instinctively locked eyes with Chanhee. We were so close I had to hurriedly look back at the monitor.
[Guild] Meritocracy: That’s… tough.
[Guest] CityBoy: It happened yesterday, and right after, I heard Popuri-nim joined a new guild, so I came.
[Guest] CityBoy: They might try to pick a fight with this guild because of me.
[Guest] CityBoy: If that’s a concern, you don’t have to accept me.
[Guest] CityBoy: But if you take the risk and let me join, you won’t regret it.
Of course not. Even if CityBoy was in the wrong, I’d still want him on the team. Mages naturally deal high damage, but with so many players, climbing the ranks is incredibly tough.
[Guild] Meritocracy: Well, you didn’t do anything wrong.
[Guild] Meritocracy: So that’s not a problem.
[Guild] Meritocracy: If it comes to it, we’ll just have a guild war.
[Guest] CityBoy: Thank you.
[Guest] CityBoy: So, Guild Master.
[Guest] CityBoy: You are Nickmer, right?
[Guild] Meritocracy: Yeah, I’m Nickmer.
[Guild] Meritocracy: It’ll get out eventually, but keep it a secret for now.
[Guest] CityBoy: Okay.
[CityBoy has joined the guild. Please give a warm welcome.]
[Guild] Popuri: Oh, there’s one thing I want to make clear.
[Guild] Popuri: I’m the main dealer, right?
[Guild] Meritocracy: Hyunseong.
[Guild] Meritocracy: Don’t you see the message about giving a warm welcome?
[Guild] Popuri: I’m asking warmly ㅠㅠ
I clicked my tongue, and Chanhee let out a small laugh. For some reason, it was reassuring. If Chanhee was enjoying this situation too, that was a relief.
“I get that main tank is about positioning, but what’s different about main dealer?”
He was even showing curiosity. I cleared my throat with a hum and rambled excitedly.
“In high-level raids, party members sometimes need to claim specific spots. The main dealer can take a position that’s better for dealing damage. Securing a spot that minimizes movement makes things easier.”
“Ohh.”
“It doesn’t make a huge difference… Someone like CityBoy probably doesn’t care much. It’s guys like Popuri who treat it like life or death…”
[Guild] CityBoy: ?
[Guild] CityBoy: Main dealer is decided by DPS.
[Guild] CityBoy: Not by claiming a spot, right? lol
The chat blatantly shattered my trust, giving me a headache. Dealers are all like this…
[Guild] Meritocracy: Look.
[Guild] Meritocracy: Bear and I are going to check the hedgehog death mechanic.
[Guild] Meritocracy: Meanwhile, you two come to a friendly agreement and report the results.
[Guild] Popuri: PvP’s the fairest way, right? lol
[Guild] CityBoy: lol
[Guild] CityBoy: Main dealer DPS test via PvP?
[Guild] CityBoy: Guess you’re not confident in static DPS ^^
For a caster mage, measuring DPS by hitting a dummy for a set time is ideal, while PvP favors the fast-moving beastman. Either way, it didn’t matter to me.
“Let’s go kill the hedgehog.”
I cleared my throat, and Chanhee mumbled a “yes.” But he showed no sign of peeling himself off me.
“…Hey, Chanhee.”
“Yes.”
“We’re going to the dungeon…”
“I’m going, just give me a sec.”
“…”
“I like being like this.”
…What am I supposed to do with this crazy guy? I pressed my fist against my brow, but of course, there was no solution.
With our thighs pressed together, I could feel his body heat through the denim. The hand around my waist and the cheek gently pressing against me were so ticklish that my mind was in a haze. No matter how I looked at it, this wasn’t the kind of physical contact you’d have with a casual hyung-dongsaeng relationship. Of course, it’s natural since that’s not what he wants from me…
The problem is, I don’t exactly hate this…
“…Chanhee.”
But there’s an unshakable unease that keeps me from fully enjoying it.
“I’ll look into it later, your first love.”
I felt the fingertips resting lightly on my waist stiffen. Then, the face on my shoulder quietly looked up at me.
“You don’t have to look.”
“It’s not that simple…”
“I told you to forget it. Don’t worry about it. I mean it.”
“…”
“The person I want to be with is you.”
The person I want to be with…
Oh. As I replayed his words, a realization hit me like water spilling over the surface of a rippling pond. For a moment, maybe a long time, I followed his gaze, frozen in the air.
So, I also feel good being with him.
“…Still.”
I don’t know if it’s okay.
“I can’t just leave it like this.”
I want to believe I’m the person from your past, but if there’s even a tiny chance I’m not… what if someone else suddenly takes you away?
“I want to find out.”
I want to confirm if I can let myself settle.
“…”
Silence settled over the small room. Feeling awkward, I rubbed my mouth, and Chanhee slowly pulled away. His brow furrowed sadly as he leaned on his knees, head bowed. The sight of him biting his pretty lips with his eyes downcast made my heart sink.
“Why… What’s wrong?”
“…I.”
We spoke almost at the same time. Our eyes met. His chocolate-colored eyes wavered so much that I broke into a cold sweat, wondering if he was crying.
“If I’m that much of a burden…”
“Huh? What?”
“I’m sorry. I try to hold back, but I can’t…”
“No, wait. Chanhee. Chanhee, hold on.”
“…Yes?”
“Can you explain the thought process that led to this conclusion? Why do you think I find you a burden?”
I asked, pointing back and forth, and he blinked slowly. His face seemed to ask, “If not that, then what?”
“You just said you have to find my first love…”
“Yeah, and?”
“Isn’t it because you don’t like me being like this? Trying to send me to someone else…”
…Now that I think about it, it could’ve sounded that way. I rubbed my face, barely suppressing the overwhelming itch rising from deep within. If I let my guard down, I might burst out laughing. That could hurt someone as sensitive as him.
“No, it’s… I’m always grateful for you. Grateful and…”
“The reason I do things that make you feel grateful is because I like you.”
“…”
“You don’t have to notice, but…”
You don’t have to notice? With that desperate expression, how could that be convincing…? In the end, a hollow laugh slipped out. As the tension eased, things became clearer. He says he’s over his first love or whatever, but unless he believes I’m that person, he wouldn’t show this much affection. It’s obvious, isn’t it? We haven’t known each other that long for such deep, aching love to form.
“Chanhee, I…”
His eyes, meeting mine gently at my call, were moist. I could no longer pretend not to notice. Clearly, toward this guy—something was starting to grow inside me.
“You’re not a burden. Being with you feels good…”
“Really?”
“Sometimes I feel guilty because you’re too kind… but it’s not like it’s a burden or that I wish you wouldn’t do it. It’s just…”
In fact, I’m getting greedier. Honestly, this feels like something beyond my control. The kindness and warmth Chanhee offers are like the fragrance of flowers. Luxurious and comforting. If I hadn’t known, I could’ve lived in ignorance, but now I’m already dreaming of building a greenhouse.
“I’m just worried I might be getting too greedy…”
“…”
“That’s all I want to make clear.”
Chanhee didn’t respond. Even I wasn’t sure what I was saying, so it was only natural. I tightly clenched the hand that had been grasping at the air and turned to ask.
“…You didn’t understand what I meant, did you?”
“No.”
So refreshingly honest… I hesitated with my mouth shut, and after a moment of thought, he suddenly asked.
“Hyung, if I hadn’t mentioned my first love, would you not be worrying about anything right now?”
“…”
I almost answered “yes” but stopped. If he hadn’t mentioned his first love and acted like this toward me…? If a guy who looks like him, who I’ve only known for a short time, showed this much devotion…
“…No. If that were the case, I’d have thought you were totally playing with me.”
“No room for doubt, just straight out?”
“Well…”
“I see. I was wondering if I shouldn’t have said it, but I guess it’s fine.”
Muttering as if relieved, he gave a soft smile. It felt like this was a good place to stop for today. I cleared my throat and patted his shoulder.
“Alright, let’s go to the dungeon now.”
“Okay.”
Only then did he get up and return to his laptop. I let out a silent sigh, feeling like I could breathe again. That’s when it happened.
“So, if you’re my first love, everything’s solved, right?”
…I knew he wouldn’t let it go so easily. Instead of answering, I shot him a glance and opened the warp gate.
[Guild] Popuri: Hyung-nim, where are you going?
[Guild] Meritocracy: To kill the hedgehog.
[Guild] Ongpak: Whoa, kill one for me too!
[Guild] CityBoy: Me too…
[Guild] Popuri: Hey, newbies, where’s your discipline?
[Guild] Popuri: Didn’t you see the notice? No hedgehog kills until a month in!
[Guild] Meritocracy: I’m going to check something, but.
[Guild] Meritocracy: If you’re free, come along. I’ll get you the title while we’re at it.
[Guild] Popuri: Hyung-nim???
[Guild] Popuri: Wasn’t I supposed to be the only one with the sprout for a month? ㅠ
Ignoring him, I sent party invites to Ongpak and CityBoy. Since they were already confirmed for the raid team, there was no need to drag it out. Popuri, feeling left out, clung on too, so we ended up with a five-man party.
[Guild] Meritocracy: Clear the trash mobs yourselves and don’t come into the boss room.
[Guild] Meritocracy: I’m testing some things, so it might take a while. Don’t rush me.
[Guild] Ongpak: Yes, sir.
[Guild] CityBoy: Okay.
[Guild] Popuri: Hyung-nim, turn that on then.
[Guild] Popuri: Contribution ranking.
Contribution ranking is a list showing who contributed the most to clearing a raid or instance dungeon. Since it measures gimmick execution too, it differs slightly from DPS rankings, so tanks often rank higher.
[Guild] Meritocracy: Why the contribution ranking?
[Guild] Popuri: To compete over who kills more trash mobs lol.
[Guild] Popuri: A true main dealer proves it with numbers ^^
[Guild] CityBoy: ? Who decided that on their own lol.
[Guild] Popuri: If you’re scared, you don’t have to do it lol.
[Guild] CityBoy: Beating a mage with AoE? I almost feel bad for you lol.
[Guild] Meritocracy: Do whatever you want. Let’s go.
Are they going to keep this up? As top-tier damage dealers in Asyrus, they’re reliable but also worrisome. It’s half-joking now, but they might genuinely get upset later. Popuri, at least, is crazy enough for that.
[Guild] Ongpak: Dealers are so scary… So different from delicate, polite paladins like me ㅠㅠ
Of course, Ongpak didn’t seem entirely sane either. In this crazy world, the only one with flawless character is our cute Black Bear. I gently patted the head of Black Bear, who was slowly drawing his greatsword.
[Guild] Meritocracy: So, you guys agree to settle the main dealer with this contribution ranking?
[Guild] Meritocracy: If you’re both satisfied, do it and don’t fight over it anymore.
[Guild] CityBoy: I’m fine with that.
[Guild] Popuri: No, let’s do this.
[Guild] Popuri: My proposed PvP, CityBoy’s proposed static DPS, and this dungeon’s contribution ranking.
[Guild] Popuri: Best two out of three for main dealer.
[Guild] Popuri: Okay?
I wondered if they really needed to go this far just to decide who stands on the right or left of a raid boss, but since I’m a supporter, I stayed out of it. Thankfully, CityBoy seemed to find Popuri’s proposal reasonable.
[Guild] CityBoy: Alright.
[Guild] CityBoy: But when the results come in, accept it cleanly and don’t drag it out.
[Guild] Popuri: lol.
[Guild] Popuri: No worries, I’m all about fairness.
I led the roughly organized party into the hedgehog dungeon. As soon as I turned on the contribution ranking, Popuri and CityBoy bolted forward. Popuri flung daggers in all directions, flipping through the air, and the mob swarm was wiped out in one hit, each letting out a different scream.
Then CityBoy stopped, drew a magic circle in the air, and leaped onto it, charging forward like he was flying. It was a mage-exclusive haste skill, usable only on himself. It consumes mana during combat, so it’s rarely used outside PvP.
“Geez, they’re going all out…”
It looked like CityBoy deliberately let Popuri take the first mob wave, aiming for the next one. The second wave had more enemies and higher HP. As CityBoy landed, a massive fireball erupted from his staff. The real-time contribution ranking flipped from Popuri to CityBoy as the leader.
[Guild] Popuri: Damn.
Popuri, letting out a short, intense sentiment, started complaining.
[Guild] Popuri: Hyung-nim, this is unfair.
[Guild] Popuri: Haste for me too.
[Guild] Meritocracy: I didn’t cast it.
[Guild] Meritocracy: It’s a mage skill.
[Guild] CityBoy: lol.
Meanwhile, CityBoy, casting another self-haste, chugged a blue potion in midair. Wow, he’s even burning mana potions? For reference, mana potions used in combat cost over 3,000 won per bottle in real money.
Between his cosmetic obsession and the cash sunk into combat items, he reeked of wealth. Either a trust fund kid or a working professional. As I leisurely followed with my hands behind my back, Chanhee muttered curiously.
“Are they fighting over being the main dealer right now?”
“Huh? Yeah.”
“Is being ‘main’ that great? Should Ongpak-nim and I do something like that too?”
I couldn’t help but burst out laughing. Chanhee tilted his head, looking even more puzzled.
“No, no. You’re already set as the main tank from the start, so you don’t need to worry about that.”
“You said new party members shouldn’t feel left out.”
“…That’s… a bit of a different issue. Managing a team like this is a lot of work, so you deserve some privileges.”
“Hmm…”
“And I put you in that role because you’re needed there. Ongpak’s fine with it, so don’t worry.”
Chanhee finally nodded with a “yes.” Meanwhile, Popuri and CityBoy had reached the first named boss and were bickering over who’d open the door.
[Guild] Popuri: Don’t you see the daggers loaded in my hands? If you’ve got any decency, CityBoy-nim, you’d open it lol.
[Guild] CityBoy: My fireball’s fully charged, so I don’t have a spare hand ㅠㅠ.
[Guild] Meritocracy: Ongpak-nim, go open the door.
[Guild] Ongpak: Yes lol.
Clanking in his sword and shield, Ongpak ran over, inserted the key, and opened the door. Simultaneously, Popuri and CityBoy unleashed their prepared attacks inside. The contribution ranking’s top spot was flashing wildly as it changed. With a boom, the leveling dungeon was filled with flashy effects, and watching it drained my energy.
[Guild] Popuri: Honestly, cash items are cheating ㅠ.
By the time only the hedgehog remained in the boss room, the gap between them was significant. Naturally, CityBoy was in first. Normally, a mage’s AoE spells would be limited by mana, but he solidified his lead by burning ten mana potions (=30,000 won) in this dungeon alone.
[Guild] CityBoy: Cash items are cheating?
[Guild] CityBoy: Are you one of those… “Only no-cash is true gaming”… penniless mindset types?
[Guild] Popuri: ㅠㅠ lol damn it.
[Guild] Popuri: Starting tomorrow, I’m working loading docks.
…They seem to get along, in a way. I passed Popuri, who was making a surrender motion to admit defeat, and opened the boss room. The hedgehog, sniffing the ground, spotted us and raised its front paws.
[Guild] Meritocracy: Chill out.
[Guild] Meritocracy: I’ll take care of it.
[Guild] Ongpak: Yes, sir.
I brought only Black Bear and closed the door immediately. Party members could enter if they wanted, but they didn’t seem like the type to ignore instructions. I paused my character and checked the logs from our last run. When Black Bear used his attack combo, the damage was dozens of times higher than normal.
“Wanna try hitting it?”
“Yes.”
Before I finished speaking, Black Bear charged at the hedgehog. Swinging his greatsword, the spiky hedgehog went into defense mode. But no matter how much time passed, its HP didn’t drop significantly.
“Last time, I…”
I checked the buffs on Black Bear from the previous record. Just a defense buff. I applied the same and watched, but nothing changed.
“…”
A cold sweat broke out. Was it really a bug this time? If so, they won’t get their sprouts. I’d have no excuse if this got posted as a scam…
“Oh.”
Chanhee, looking at his laptop, let out a short gasp. He typed furiously, then swung his greatsword again.
“Huh?”
This time, the HP dropped drastically. What? How’d he do that? Before I could ask, the hedgehog stood up and started its wipe mechanic.
“Hey, grab it. Grab it.”
“Yes, I’ll grab it.”
Black Bear leaped, slashing the hedgehog’s chest. With a final scream, it collapsed, belly up. The guild chat exploded.
[Guild] Ongpak: Whoa, I got it!
[Guild] Ongpak: Wow~~~
[Guild] Popuri: Wait, Bear-nim took first in contribution ranking?
[Guild] Popuri: Doesn’t that… make it invalid~?
[Guild] CityBoy: Changing your name to StickyPuri?
[Guild] Popuri: No, I’ll make up for it with PvP ㅠ.
“How’d you do that?”
Ignoring the noisy guild chat, I leaned over to ask. Chanhee turned his laptop to show me the screen.
“It’s a skill I got after hitting Nature Tier 3.”
“Huh?”
The screen showed a blinking green tier skill named “Resonance.”
“It seems to temporarily boost damage a lot when under a Nature buff. The Tier 3 condition is receiving 100 Nature buffs, and I hit that last time we were here. Something was blinking, so I clicked it without thinking…”
I took the laptop and looked closely. As he said, “Resonance,” available to Shadow Warriors at Nature Tier 3, gave a massive damage spike when under any Nature buff—like those from Druids. The problem was…
“…A one-day cooldown?”
And it had a cap on maximum damage. It could one-shot named bosses in low-tier dungeons, but it wasn’t efficient for high-level raids. It seemed useful for collecting titles in instance dungeons with special clear conditions, like the hedgehog.
“…”
I sighed in disappointment, then a spark hit me. Was that the point all along? Was it designed to help claim hidden titles in dungeons or quests that players usually skip?
[Whisper] FreeHanDobi: Hey.
[Whisper] FreeHanDobi: Accept my guild app.
A whisper notification blinked while I was lost in thought. The familiar nickname made me frown, and I blocked it.
“By the way, how’d you think to raise Nature Tier 3?”
“I didn’t do anything. It just happened naturally while running with you.”
“You had to accept the tier quest first.”
“I did that when you weren’t around, messing with stuff. I was bored with nothing to do.”
It sounded like a subtle jab, but maybe I was imagining it. I laughed awkwardly and warped back to the guild room. The three who followed, all sporting sprouts, were kind of funny. Especially CityBoy’s plump sprout poking through his ornate veil.
[Guild] Popuri: Let’s make this our guild signature~^^
[Guild] Meritocracy: Like it or not, it probably will be.
[Guild] Meritocracy: Since only Bear can kill the hedgehog.
[Guild] Popuri: Wait, really?
[Guild] Popuri: I thought hyung-nim did something, but it was Bear-nim’s skill?
[Guild] Meritocracy: Yeah.
[Guild] Popuri: We could make bank running carry parties.
[Guild] Popuri: ㅠ_ㅠ But no carries!! Sungtan’s signature~♥
Popuri twisted his body in a cutesy motion, but thankfully, everyone ignored it as if by agreement.
[Guild] Ongpak: If only the sub-master can kill the hedgehog, is it a Druid-specific skill?
[Guild] Meritocracy: Something like that.
[Guild] Meritocracy: If anyone asks, just say the guild master knows how and doesn’t tell anyone.
[Guild] Meritocracy: I’ll post a guide later, so for now, you guys can strut around.
[Guild] Ongpak: Awesome.
[Guild] CityBoy: So, right now, the only five people in Asyrus with the sprout effect are us?
[Guild] CityBoy: Feels freaking awesome.
…What does “freaking awesome” even mean? I decided not to ask. Halfheartedly responding to the excited guild chatter, I spoke to Chanhee.
“We could try killing other unkillable mobs like this. Let’s look for them starting tomorrow.”
“Just us?”
“Yeah, just us. But we’ll be busy leveling for a while, so in our spare time.”
“Okay, any date is fine.”
I’m getting used to his directness. I grinned with an “uh,” and he smiled back.
[Whisper] FreeHanBido: Hey.
[Whisper] FreeHanBido: Why’d you block me?
The warm vibe didn’t last. Another whisper came, this time with absurd content. I scoffed, about to block again, but changed my mind and typed.
[Whisper] Meritocracy: Who are you, and why are you being so persistent?
[Whisper] FreeHanBido: Come on;;
[Whisper] FreeHanBido: You’re recruiting for a Solga raid team, right?
[Whisper] FreeHanBido: I’m applying as a cleric;
A cleric… It’s a stable job, but not a prestigious one like beastman or paladin. It’s low-skill, so a lot of mediocre players flock to it. I didn’t need to interview someone who’d badmouth Druids.
[Whisper] Meritocracy: Cleric slots are full.
[Whisper] FreeHanBido: Then healer.
[Whisper] FreeHanBido: This is a healer character.
[Whisper] Meritocracy: That’s full too.
[Whisper] FreeHanBido: What about ranged DPS? ㅠ
My fingers paused. Ranged DPS… is a bit rare. The reason’s obvious: it’s skill-dependent. The gap between good and bad players is huge, so it’s always in demand.
[Whisper] Meritocracy: Hmm.
[Whisper] Meritocracy: Come as a ranged DPS then.
Not long after, a female human character entered the guild room. She was holding a shiny bow, wearing a bunny ear headband and a bikini swimsuit. A sudden sense of dread hit me, realizing I’d made a mistake.
[Guest] FreeHanBobi: Whoa.
[Guest] FreeHanBobi: Crazy members;;
Spotting the three big names in the guild room, the guy started blabbing without filter. I tried hard to suppress the growing bad feeling. No, maybe if we talk, he could be a good person. He might even be a ranged DPS ranker. But then, the problematic guest suddenly glued himself to Popuri’s side.
[Guest] FreeHanBobi: Wow, it’s Popuri-nim!
[Guest] FreeHanBobi: Boobit ㅇㅅㅇ
No, this is done… Swallowing a long, heavy sigh, I slapped my forehead with my palm. Chanhee, who had sat back down beside me at some point, let out a startled gasp.
“What’s wrong, hyung?”
“…Nothing. Just self-loathing for being a fool, charmed by a noble class…”
“I don’t know what you mean, but if you’re going to hit yourself, do it gently. Your forehead’s red.”
A large, soft hand unhesitatingly covered my forehead, rubbing it gently. Ridiculously, it actually made me feel a bit better.
[Guild] Popuri: ??????????????????
[Guild] Popuri: Did you just.
[Guild] Popuri: Say an emoticon out loud?????
[Guild] Popuri: There are really people who do this.
Even as a landmine was about to explode on the monitor, it went on.
[Guest] FreeHanBobi: Oh…
[Guest] FreeHanBobi: lol no.
[Guest] FreeHanBobi: I’m at a PC bang right now.
[Guest] FreeHanBobi: My female friend was messing around;
[Guest] FreeHanBobi: She’s super playful lol, does stuff like this sometimes, not my girlfriend.
[Guest] FreeHanBobi: She just loves pulling these pranks on me haha.
[Guild] CityBoy: lol.
[Guild] CityBoy: You don’t have the PC bang logo.
PC bang users get various in-game benefits, and a PC tag appears next to their nickname while connected. I quickly placed my hands on the keyboard.
[Guild] Meritocracy: I heard the PC bang logo can glitch sometimes.
[Guild] Meritocracy: Anyway, let’s proceed with the interview.
From experience, pushing this type too hard yields nothing. Thankfully, CityBoy didn’t seem interested in pressing further and backed off quietly.
[Guild] Meritocracy: Bobi-nim, your name isn’t on the ranged DPS rankings.
[Guild] Meritocracy: Do you have any prior raid experience?
[Guest] FreeHanBobi: ? Was being a ranker a requirement?
[Guild] Meritocracy: No, it’s not that.
[Guild] Meritocracy: But we’d prefer someone with raid experience, so I’m asking.
[Guest] FreeHanBobi: My main’s a cleric and I’ve done raids consistently, but with ranged DPS, I’ve only done public parties.
[Guild] Meritocracy: Then let’s have you hit a dummy.
[Guild] Meritocracy: One moment.
I opened the guild room settings and created a training ground called the “Dojo” for DPS testing. As soon as I opened the door, Popuri, CityBoy, and even Ongpak rushed in. In the training ground, you attack a stationary target for a set time to measure damage, and since there are no variables, it accurately shows how well you’re cycling your skills.
[Guest] FreeHanBobi: Uh, but.
[Guest] FreeHanBobi: I haven’t finished max-level gearing yet.
[Guest] FreeHanBobi: And.
[Guild] Meritocracy: We’ll ignore gear and just look at level-relative damage.
[Guild] Meritocracy: No worries.
As expected, he was all talk. Once I set the start time, a countdown appeared on the screen. FreeHanBobi finally shut up, pulled back his bowstring, and aimed at the dummy. Tick, tick, tick… At zero, the target became hittable, and an arrow flew.
“…”
Watching the dummy erupt with flashy effects, I couldn’t help but sigh. This guy had no idea how to play a ranged DPS. Ranged DPS carry a pistol at the waist and a bow on the back. The basics are stacking damage-over-time and normal attacks with the bow from afar, then closing in to land headshots with the pistol.
In other words, though classified as a ranged dealer, you need to know how to deal close-range damage too. That’s one reason it’s so skill-dependent.
[Guild] Meritocracy: Alright, that’s enough.
[Guild] Meritocracy: I’ve seen what I need.
I stopped the training timer, and the displayed numbers were embarrassingly low for a max-level ranged DPS. I could feel Popuri and CityBoy completely losing interest.
[Guild] Meritocracy: Seems like you don’t know ranged DPS well.
[Guild] Meritocracy: Let’s meet again if there’s another chance.
[Guest] FreeHanBobi: ?
[Guest] FreeHanBobi: Did I just get rejected?
[Guild] Popuri: Yup, you got rejected.
Thankfully, Popuri handled the awkward response. I opened the member window to kick him from the guild room when it happened.
[Guest] FreeHanBobi: lol no way.
[Guest] FreeHanBobi: This is f♥cking ridiculous.
[Guest] FreeHanBobi: A Druid rejecting a ranged DPS?
A solemn silence fell over the lively guild room. Chanhee tilted his head beside me.
[Guild] Popuri: lolololololololololololololololololololololololololololol
[Guild] Popuri: lolololololol oh man.
[Guild] CityBoy: lolololololol.
[Guild] Ondgpak: lolololololololol.
[Guild] Meritocracy: Stop laughing.
[Guild] Popuri: In sync;
“What did that guy just say to you?”
Chanhee’s tone sharpened for the first time. Then, he suddenly rushed to his laptop and started typing.
[Guild] Kkamamgom: Did you just curse? —_—^
The moment I saw the chat, I lost it. Bwahaha, I laughed without dignity, and Chanhee turned to me with narrowed eyes.
“Wait, hyung. I’ll give him a proper scolding.”
“Oh, god… Are you insane?”
I was dying from laughter, clutching my stomach, but Kkamamgom’s rampage on the screen didn’t stop. Black Bear raised his front paws high, stomping and roaring.
[Kkamamgom is enraged!]
[Guild] Kkamamgom: Apologize. Right. Nowㅡㅡ^!
I desperately want to ask. What are those apocalyptic emoticons? He’s so young, why does he only know how to use those? I wiped the tears from laughing so hard I nearly wet myself. Oh…
He’s so damn cute…
[Guest] FreeHanBobi: Apologize for what?
[Guest] FreeHanBobi: Do you think it’s easy to pull this much damage with no gear?
[Guild] Popuri: Looks pretty easy.
[Guild] Popuri: lol.
[Guest] FreeHanBobi: No.
[Guest] FreeHanBobi: Not for people like Popuri-nim or CityBoy-nim who live for damage.
[Guild] CityBoy: Why aren’t you living for it?
[Guild] Ongpak: Don’t fight.
[Guild] Ongpak: Love and peace ㅠㅠ.
As expected, the guild room’s atmosphere was getting uglier. Even if he brought it on himself, a group ganging up on one person doesn’t look good. Plus, I brought him here, so I couldn’t help feeling responsible. Just as I raised my hand to wrap things up, it happened.
[Guest] FreeHanBobi: Sorry, but I’m busy IRL.
[Guest] FreeHanBobi: I don’t have the free time to live for a game.
I must endure. But when you repeat that to yourself, you already know. You won’t endure.
[Guild] Meritocracy: Then you should’ve left the moment you saw these guys in the guild room.
Unfortunately, I type very fast.
[Guild] Meritocracy: You recognized they’re rankers who live for damage, right?
[Guild] Meritocracy: If you’re all about taking it easy and not putting in effort, you should’ve thought about finding another party first.
[Guild] Meritocracy: Wanting to join a party of people who go all-in while saying you won’t is basically saying you want a free ride, isn’t it?
[Guild] Meritocracy: Why act so proud about it?
[Guest] FreeHanBobi: Then just say you only take rankers.
[Guest] FreeHanBobi: Why bring it up now?
[Guild] Meritocracy: That’s a different issue.
[Guild] Meritocracy: Even if you’re not a ranker, if you show some drive and seem willing to work hard, we can sync up and go together.
[Guild] Meritocracy: But you’re saying you don’t care to get worked up over some game.
[Guild] Meritocracy: Then go find a party that thinks this polygon nonsense is a joke and stop trying to mooch off us.
“Wow… Hyung, you’re really good with words.”
Chanhee’s purely admiring expression met my eyes, and my rising competitive streak calmed for a moment. I let out a hum, cleared my throat, and relaxed my fingers.
[Guild] Meritocracy: Anyway, I’m blocking you. Let’s never cross paths again.
I kicked him from the guild room and immediately blocked him. At the same time, Popuri, CityBoy, and Ongpak, standing in a row, clapped in unison.
[Guild] CityBoy: I’m starting to believe.
[Guild] CityBoy: Even if Mandu tries something, I feel like the guild master will handle it.
[Guild] Meritocracy: As the guild master, I’ll handle most things.
[Guild] Meritocracy: But don’t go picking fights on purpose.
[Guild] CityBoy: Got it.
[Guild] CityBoy: Anyway, to be helpful in that sense.
[Guild] CityBoy: Let’s go to Volcano. I’ll get you two to max divine power by tomorrow.
My ears perked up. Volcano refers to a field packed with annoyingly high-HP monsters. They’re tough to kill but give tons of experience, so a strong dealer carrying you makes it the most efficient leveling spot.
[Guild] Meritocracy: Bear-nim’s on a laptop right now.
[Guild] CityBoy: Doesn’t matter.
[Guild] CityBoy: Just stand there zoning out, and I’ll kill everything.
His confident declaration was reassuring. This probably meant… staying up all night and grinding straight through tomorrow. In other words…
[Guild] Popuri: What.
[Guild] Popuri: So Bear-nim’s sleeping over at guild master-nim’s tonight?
…The moment I saw the chat, unfortunately, our eyes met. Was it my imagination, or did those round eyes sparkle for a second?
[Guild] Meritocracy: Don’t do that.
[Guild] Meritocracy: Today, Bear-nim and I will level up on our own while raising tiers.
[Guild] Meritocracy: Pick a day next week to help out.
[Guild] CityBoy: Sounds good.
[Guild] CityBoy: Let me know a good date.
[Guild] CityBoy: I’m free anytime.
Free anytime? No school or job? I tucked away the resurfacing “CityBoy trust fund kid” theory and turned to Chanhee.
“See? Today, I’ll grind a dark tier or something…”
“Can’t I sleep over?”
Chanhee tilted his head and asked in a completely innocent tone. His expression showed genuine curiosity about why it wouldn’t be okay. I instinctively gripped the mouse tightly.
“…Where would you sleep in this place? The bed’s a single, barely big enough for me.”
“I can sleep on the floor.”
“The floor…! Hey! If anyone’s sleeping on the floor, it’s me!”
“What? I can’t let you sleep on the floor. I’d rather go home.”
“Right! Exactly!”
The moment I shouted in a shrill voice, silence fell. It was a moment later that we both burst into laughter over the neatly resolved situation. A faint smile played on Chanhee’s lips as his fingertips brushed them, catching the dim sunlight.
“So, hyung.”
“…”
“Want to come to my place?”
Yeah, I had a feeling he’d say that. It’s the most logical solution, after all.
“…I’ll think about it once the carry schedule’s set.”
“What’s a carry?”
“Like what Popuri or CityBoy do… Taking a lower-level player around to farm experience or items.”
“Ohh.”
“…”
“You’re not coming today, then?”
He asked subtly, giving a slight smile… I wish he’d stop doing stuff like that. I licked my lips and pointlessly rubbed the back of my neck.
“Today… why bother…”
“Oh, do you need an excuse to accept an invitation?”
“You’re just gonna say it like that?”
“Can’t it just be because I want to be with you?”
Hup, I quickly shut my open mouth. Is that even a thing to say? Of course that’s not an acceptable excuse, not yet…
“…I’ll visit next time.”
“For real?”
“For real.”
Only then did he nod. Then he quietly started moving Black Bear on the screen.
After burning through all the accumulated divine power to raise dark tiers one by one, it was already getting dark. The tier quests were, as expected, straightforward. The “Dark” and “Nature” tiers were designed to be easily completed when a Druid and Shadow Warrior worked as a pair. The grind was still there, but the difficulty plummeted.
It’s not like there haven’t been classes with good synergy for tier quests before. For example, paladins and clerics often raise holy tiers together. The holy tier quest involves reviving guardian trees across Asyrus, and a tank-healer duo can drastically cut down quest completion times.
But there’s no reason for a Shadow Warrior to pursue “Nature” tiers or a Druid to pursue “Dark” tiers— and since so few people play these classes, this structure had gone unnoticed until now.
Which means…
‘A Shadow Warrior who hits Nature Tier 10 or a Druid who hits Dark Tier 10 is bound to unlock something.’
If that was the game’s design intent from the start, then Shadow Warriors and Druids being labeled as trash classes means players have been approaching them wrong. It also explains why, despite endless complaints, the devs never touched these two classes. The issue could be fixed by pursuing the right tiers.
“…”
Could this be the moment we finally escape trash-tier status? My lips twitched with burning optimism when Chanhee stood up.
“I’ll head out for today, then.”
“Huh? Oh, yeah.”
I quickly peeled my butt off the bed.
“Now that I think about it, where’d you park your car?”
“At the nearby public parking lot.”
“Oh, I know where that is.”
It was the time of year when it got chilly as the sun set. Planning to walk him at least to the first floor, I slipped on a thin jacket. Chanhee, smiling, asked.
“You know where it is?”
“Yeah? You mean the parking lot by the playground, right?”
“You do know. What should I do? I might get lost trying to find it again.”
“…”
“…”
“Uh… Want me to walk you to the parking lot?”
“Yes.”
Alright… I answered easily and finished putting on my clothes. Chanhee’s way of speaking sometimes reminded me of kids. Like when a friend is eating snacks, and they sidle up and say, “I like snacks too.”
And I find that kind of cute.
“Thanks for the flowers.”
Meanwhile, Chanhee carefully picked up his things and hugged the bouquet. The hydrangeas, which I’d completely forgotten about, looked oddly small in the arms of this tall, handsome guy. What flowers could possibly match that face? Still— feeling a vague sense of regret, I glanced around and froze.
“…”
It was the shopping bag for a tablet PC, left untouched since I brought it home. I hesitated twice internally before speaking as casually as possible.
“Hey, would you want to use this?”
Chanhee tilted his head at the shopping bag I held up.
“What’s that?”
“It’s a tablet, but I don’t really use stuff like this… If you need it, take it.”
“You mean a tablet? Isn’t that expensive?”
It’s expensive, sure, but compared to {Olga’s Secret Recipe}, it’s pocket change, and I didn’t even buy it in the first place. It’s true I don’t use it much, and selling it feels awkward… There were plenty of reasons I could tack on. Yet, for some reason I couldn’t pinpoint, the moment I opened my mouth, unfiltered words from deep inside spilled out.
“It’s okay. I want to give it to you.”
Chanhee looked a bit surprised, then softened his eyes with a gentle smile.
“Really?”
I was grateful he accepted it without pressing further. It was a strange experience to feel thankful toward the recipient when I wasn’t even the one who bought the gift.
It wasn’t terribly late, but since this area was slightly off the main university district, there were hardly any people around. Even though I was just tagging along to see him off, I felt glad I’d come. With so few streetlights, Chanhee might’ve genuinely struggled to find the parking lot on his own.
Lost in thought, I snapped back to reality and noticed our footsteps echoing in the quiet alley. I glanced up at Chanhee for no reason, and he had a perfectly calm expression.
There are relationships where meaningless silence doesn’t feel uncomfortable. Was I already starting to feel that way with Chanhee? But for me, the unexpected gaps in conversation still felt awkward.
“By the way, where’d you learn all those old-school emoticons?”
Luckily, I had a random topic to ramble about. Chanhee seemed to pause for a moment, then blinked his eyes very slowly.
“Someone taught me a long time ago.”
“A long time ago? How long?”
“Hmm… about fifteen years?”
Do people normally call fifteen years “a long time ago”? I mulled it over blankly, and he asked.
“Don’t people use them anymore?”
“Not really… unless it’s for a joke.”
“Then what do people use these days? I don’t think I’ve seen you use emoticons much.”
“These days… I mean, do you have to use emoticons?”
Chanhee didn’t answer right away. I worried he might’ve taken it as a jab. I was about to cobble together some explanation when a bright voice came back.
“Emoticons are like a promise, aren’t they?”
“…”
A promise? I stared at him blankly at the sudden remark, and Chanhee let out a hum, touching his lips.
“So… take the caret symbol (^), for example. When you put two together, it’s a smiling face with squinted eyes (^^). Someone must’ve first come up with the idea to represent a smiling face with two carets, right? And as this unspoken agreement that two carets mean a smiling face spread, it became widely used.”
“Huh? Uh…”
“So using a smiling face emoticon means you’re part of a community that shares this common promise about what it represents.”
“…”
“It’s the same with game motions. Raising both arms and stomping means you’re angry, or blowing a hand kiss expresses affection… These are all created under the assumption that everyone understands the same meaning behind the gesture.”
“…Right.”
“So, it’s like… it gives a sense of belonging. You can trust that the other person shares the same promise, and you can convey your intent without any extra explanation.”
At first, I thought it was a random tangent, but the more I listened, the more it felt familiar. Digging through my memories, I let out an “oh” and mumbled.
“This is Saussure.”
“What?”
“Have you ever read anything about linguistics? What you just said sounds a lot like structuralist linguistics concepts.”
“What’s that?”
His wide-eyed, blinking face looked like he’d just heard an alien language. As we both stood there blankly, my face suddenly flushed. Oh, just now… I was acting like a first-semester humanities student pretending to know it all with half-baked knowledge…
“No, nothing. I was talking nonsense…”
“Is there some kind of theory? I was just remembering what my mom told me a long time ago.”
Our steps slowed as we matched each other’s pace. It was starting to feel a bit chilly. “Your mom?” I asked, discreetly sniffing, and Chanhee nodded.
“When I first learned about emoticons, I asked my mom why they looked like that. She said it’s just something people agreed to read that way, and that all languages in the world are decided like that.”
“Oh…”
“She said using a language is pretty much the same as agreeing to understand it in the same way… That from the day we’re born to the day we die, we live making countless promises with the world.”
“…”
“So the person who taught me what those emoticons mean was the first person outside my family to make me share a promise with someone else…”
Chanhee stopped walking. It was a moonless night. We stood at the threshold of autumn, sharing the weight of the darkness.
“…and, in doing so, made me feel less lonely.”
There were several options. I could nod casually, laugh it off awkwardly, or gently chide him for attaching too much meaning. I couldn’t choose any because, ridiculously, my heart ached. It was painfully obvious who he was recalling so softly with those eyes and that tone.
“Chanhee.”
The slim, extraordinary chance that there’s someone out there the same age as me, with the same ID, and a similar family background…
“Is that really me?”
What if it’s really not me?
Instead of answering, Chanhee gave a faint smile. In the dim light, I could barely make out the curve of his lips. A rustle, the sound of thin wrapping paper rubbing, reached my ears. Looking down, I saw Chanhee lifting the bouquet to his chest.
“Hyung.”
“…”
“In a silent play, do you know what it means to give flowers?”
I remembered a ballet performance I’d once seen with Sujung. There was a scene where several male dancers surrounded a ballerina performing an adagio, offering her flowers. In a performance without words, a dancer extends a hand from their chest to another or hands over a red flower. That’s because…
…it conveys the same meaning to everyone watching.
“If I’m misunderstanding, please tell me now.”
Chanhee, head bowed, whispered softly. It almost looked like he was kissing the bouquet. It also felt like a calculated move to hide his expression. We were so close now that moving the flowers would bring our breaths together. Close enough that my heartbeat might be audible. I squeezed my eyes shut, opened them, and took a deep breath.
“It’s not a misunderstanding…”
Rustle. If my senses were right, it was the sound of Chanhee gripping the bouquet tightly, as if ready to shove aside this thin barrier at any moment.
“It’s not, but, it’s not exactly…”
In a panic, I raised one hand to cover my mouth. It probably looked utterly foolish, but I had no choice.
“…but a kiss… is still too soon.”
Mumbling through my covered mouth, I sensed Chanhee’s faint chuckle through the fragile bouquet.
“Really?”
“…”
“What a shame…”
The hydrangea bouquet slowly lowered. A soft breath grazed the back of my hand. The tip of his nose lightly pressed against my knuckles, sending a shiver down my spine.
“What about just touching my lips here?”
His whispered voice, as if engraving itself between the bones of my hand, made my hair stand on end. Every inch of exposed skin prickled. My cheeks, unconsciously pressed tight, burned hot. I didn’t think I could hold out much longer. I desperately wanted to end this situation.
The answer wasn’t far. I escaped the crisis by expressing one of humanity’s most universally agreed-upon gestures.
“…”
I nodded.
Chanhee, taking a long breath, slowly pressed his lips to the back of my hand. The warm breath from his soft, pliant skin spread through the gaps between my fingers. I squeezed my eyes shut and clenched my fist tightly. If our eyes met, the hand covering my mouth would lose its strength. If my hand were free, I might pull him into an embrace. So all I could do was tense my elbow and hold on. Before my emotions overwhelmed my reason, before my reason crumbled and made reckless promises.