HSF 64
by Sorai“I had a guild meetup before, and I got close to him after that.”
“Seriously, it’s your fault.”
“Why? I just said one thing!”
“If you had a meetup, you should’ve just gone home afterward. Why are you getting close to him?”
“He’s a guild member, so we can get close!”
“You said you don’t like that he likes you. Unless you’re going to tear off his face, you should’ve been careful.”
That was a bit unfair. Hee-won and Cheong-hyeon became close quickly because they were of similar age and had the same hobbies, but all of this was possible because Hee-won was a man. If Hee-won had been a woman, Cheong-hyeon would have kept his distance before things got this far. Keeping a distance in case someone of the same sex falls for you is like being told to live alone in this world.
“He’s a man…! I was the same way.”
No matter how unfair it was, Cheong-hyeon couldn’t reveal that Hee-won was a man. Because he couldn’t say it honestly, he twisted his words slightly, and it became a common and obvious playboy’s excuse. Naturally, Min-jae scoffed.
“Ah, listen first. After that, somehow, we ended up meeting almost every day.”
“Are you crazy? It’s your fault for happily meeting him every day!”
“No, it sounds weird when I say it like this…. Ah, this is driving me crazy.”
He’s a man! Cheong-hyeon wanted to shout that out of frustration, but he kept his mouth shut. He didn’t know what Min-jae thought about homosexuals, so it was better to hold back. Regardless of whether he could accept Hee-won’s feelings, he didn’t want anyone to look at Hee-won with a negative view. Besides, he had mentioned Hee-won to Min-jae once before, so there was a chance he would realize who he was talking about if he kept talking. Cheong-hyeon had no choice but to omit the background information and get straight to the point.
“Hah, that’s not the important thing. The reason I found out he likes me is because we were drinking at his house before….”
“Are you out of your mind?”
“…….”
Cheong-hyeon rubbed his face wearily. There was nothing he could say.
“You gave him plenty of chances, but you don’t like that he likes you? You want to make a confession, not get advice, right?”
“No, just a simple dinner while….”
He couldn’t explain himself no matter what he said, so his words trailed off. As he writhed in frustration, Min-jae looked at him pitifully.
“But this is interesting. Tell me more.”
He left out any stories that would specify gender and briefly told him what had happened. He omitted anything that would sound too strange, such as sleeping at Hee-won’s house or forming a couple in the game, so there wasn’t much to say. Min-jae, who had been listening intently, nodded as if he understood.
“I know what the problem is.”
“What is it?”
“You. You’re the problem.”
“…….”
“If you weren’t interested, you should’ve drawn a clear line. Why did you settle down at his house and hang out?”
He couldn’t tell even his closest friend that his underwear was being held hostage, so he omitted that, and this reaction was inevitable.
“It’s not that easy to draw a line. There were circumstances.”
“Bullshit. Are you actually enjoying this?”
“No!”
He couldn’t explain in detail, so he felt like he was suffocating. He pounded his chest in frustration. Then Min-jae clicked his tongue and looked at him pitifully.
“Should I order some alcohol?”
“No, I have to go on a raid later.”
“You’re in the same party as the guy who likes you, right?”
“…Yeah.”
“And you’re going to play games with him again?”
“…….”
“At his house where he lives alone?”
“…….”
“If you’re really worried about him, you should’ve left the party first. And you’re going to go on a raid? Are you completely crazy?”
“No, but we’re aiming for the first clear of the new boss right now. What happens to our party if I suddenly drop out?”
“Hmm, that would be a nuisance…. I wonder why you did that? Tsk tsk!”
Did Cheong-hyeon do it on purpose? Cheong-hyeon slumped helplessly in his chair. Min-jae picked up some meat and made a suggestion in a light tone.
“I have a good idea.”
“What is it?”
“Just date him. Then everything will be solved. You don’t have to leave the party either.”
“Isn’t that completely trashy…? How can I date him when I don’t even like him? I want him to stop liking me.”
“Why can’t you date him? Seeing how close you’ve gotten, it seems like you get along well. You might start to like him if you date him.”
“That’s not the problem…. Anyway, that’s not going to happen.”
Did Min-jae even know that meant dating a man? It wasn’t even worth considering. Cheong-hyeon wasn’t a homosexual, so he couldn’t date a man.
“I just want to stay friends with him.”
“Will that work?”
“I don’t know….”
“Instead of that, seriously think about what I said. When you found out he liked you, didn’t you feel anything?”
“I can’t date him no matter what I feel.”
He said that, but he closed his eyes and recalled the feeling he had that night when he realized Hee-won liked him. It was hard to describe, but it certainly didn’t seem like a positive emotion.
“Hey, Min-jae. What do you call the feeling when the back of your neck prickles?”
“Creepy?”
“It wasn’t that kind of feeling….”
“Spooky?”
“Not that either…. It’s a feeling of unease and a churning in my stomach.”
“…You hate it that much? Okay, I won’t tell you to date him.”
“Hmm… I guess I just hate it.”
There was a subtle mismatch to simply dismissing it as hate, but there was no other way to explain it. He sighed deeply with a troubled feeling. In the end, nothing was resolved.
“Ah, if you hate him that much, just quit the game! Is the first clear that important?”
“It is important.”
“It is…. So you’re going to keep living like that? He’s going to pretend he doesn’t like you, and you’re going to pretend you don’t know?”
Min-jae, who had been speaking seriously, suddenly became angry. He even pointed his finger and started shouting loudly.
“You bad guy! You can’t keep giving him false hope when you’re not going to date him!”
“I’m not giving him false hope….”
“The hell you’re not! You know he likes you, so you shouldn’t do that!”
“I know that too, but the situation is….”
“Do you know how painful it is to be kept on the hook?”
“…Did someone recently dump you?”
“No! I just suddenly remembered something from the past!”
Min-jae huffed and drank cold water like it was soju. He was a bit emotional, but Min-jae was right. He had become accustomed to the abnormal relationship and didn’t feel anything strange, but maintaining the relationship as it was without accepting Hee-won’s feelings was wrong. He had to distance himself from Hee-won properly. He had to accept that it was greedy to want to be the same as before with Hee-won.
[Cheong-hyeon: I’m not feeling well today, so I’ll stay home]
Hee-won stared at the message that Cheong-hyeon sent. They had clearly agreed to practice the boss fight together at Hee-won’s house, but Cheong-hyeon was starting to break his promises. Hee-won’s already anxious mood became uncontrollably uneasy. Hee-won hated the thought of Cheong-hyeon avoiding him more than death, and the relationship that Hee-won had desperately clung to was on the verge of breaking. Hee-won had always pretended to be fine in front of Cheong-hyeon, but being with him was like being rejected by him every moment. Hee-won had become accustomed to the wounds that Cheong-hyeon inflicted as a habit, and now Cheong-hyeon was tormenting Hee-won in a new way.
Hee-won immediately tried to call him, but of course, Cheong-hyeon didn’t answer. Hee-won sent him messages, but Cheong-hyeon didn’t reply. Hee-won didn’t know what had suddenly changed in the past day, or why Cheong-hyeon was suddenly avoiding him now. There was nothing Hee-won could do because Cheong-hyeon had made up his mind to avoid him. All Hee-won could do was hope that Cheong-hyeon would come tomorrow.
It was the second day that Cheong-hyeon had been avoiding Hee-won. In the end, Cheong-hyeon didn’t give Hee-won any replies. Hee-won fell endlessly to the bottom with a sense of helplessness that weighed down his entire body. Hee-won received a reply to the message that he had sent the day before long after the sun had risen.
[Can you come tomorrow?]
[Cheong-hyeon: Sorry, I have plans again today, so I don’t think I can.]
It was the answer that Hee-won had expected, but he couldn’t help but feel a pang of bitterness. Despite Hee-won’s efforts to hold onto him, Cheong-hyeon had openly started to avoid Hee-won. If Hee-won sent him a message, he could only receive a reply after a long time like now. Hee-won didn’t even expect to be able to connect with him by phone. The only time that Cheong-hyeon didn’t avoid Hee-won was when they ran into each other in the game. Even then, Cheong-hyeon was busy flirting with the other guild members and didn’t care about Hee-won. Hee-won wanted to know the reason why Cheong-hyeon was suddenly acting like this, but Cheong-hyeon only made excuses that he was busy. Hee-won resented him.
It was the third day that Hee-won had been waiting for Cheong-hyeon to return. Cheong-hyeon had made this excuse and that excuse and hadn’t shown his face once in three days. Now, it was even difficult to see him in the game. Cheong-hyeon would log in right before the boss practice time and then immediately log out of the game as soon as the practice was over. Today, Hee-won received a piece of mail that Cheong-hyeon had sent in the game. Hee-won checked the mail with a trembling heart, and it contained the weapon that Hee-won used to carry around. It was the equipment that Hee-won and Cheong-hyeon had exchanged with each other. The mail said that Cheong-hyeon wouldn’t be able to play the game much in the future because he was busy, so Hee-won should go to the dungeon alone. Hee-won stared at the mail for a long time before closing the window without claiming it. Hee-won didn’t return Cheong-hyeon’s equipment that he should have returned. It felt like everything would really be over if Hee-won returned even this.
It was the fourth day that Hee-won hadn’t seen Cheong-hyeon. These days, Hee-won only waited for the boss practice time. It was the only time that Hee-won could hear Cheong-hyeon’s voice.