HSF 65

-Hi.

The sound quality of the voice coming through the speaker wasn’t clear. Even though it wasn’t as clean as hearing it in person, hearing his voice made me feel a little better after a messed-up day. Cheong-hyeon sounded a bit more excited than usual today, as if something good had happened.

“Hyung, did something good happen today?”

-Huh? Nothing much.

“No? You seem excited.”

-Ah, actually, I got a pretty good tutoring gig.

He answered me casually, but when Kang Woo-jin asked, he started talking excitedly. Another wound opened in my heart. I felt like I hated him for changing so suddenly without giving me time to prepare. At the same time, I wanted to hear that joyful voice more, even without any pride. People’s desires are endless; I was happy just hearing his voice through voice chat, but now I wanted to hear his voice right next to me. Now, I was more used to the mechanical voice coming through the radio waves. I felt like I had forgotten his real voice.

It was the fifth day of missing Cheong-hyeon. I felt like my whole body was drying up. Since Cheong-hyeon had made up his mind to avoid Hee-won, there was no chance to improve the relationship. My nerves were gradually becoming more sensitive. I was like a bomb that would explode if anyone touched me even a little. After meeting Cheong-hyeon, the number of times my name was mentioned in the game community for bad reasons had decreased, but recently, posts targeting Hee-won had started to appear again. Hee-won didn’t care. He wasn’t interested in what people he didn’t even know were saying in the first place.

[Please come tomorrow.]

His head was full of nothing but Cheong-hyeon. He knew that clinging like this would backfire, but he couldn’t stay still. Constantly seeking attention from someone who was annoyed was always difficult. He knew that he wouldn’t get a reply today either.

[We were going to eat something delicious together on my birthday]

He deleted the message without sending it. He felt like he couldn’t bear it if even this was rejected.

Cheong-hyeon, who came out of an unfamiliar apartment complex, hurried away. He had to move diligently to attend the next class. He had just finished an interview for a newly acquired tutoring job. He was able to find a pretty good tutoring job through an acquaintance. The reason he started a new part-time job was to repay his debt to Hee-won. Originally, he was going to buy a meal instead of the mount fee for [Kang Puppy Flies], but he couldn’t do that anymore, so he was going to pay it back with money and settle it. Of course, Hee-won no longer asked Cheong-hyeon to buy him a meal, but it was a large amount of money to just pass over, so he felt guilty.

[Seo Hee-won: Please come tomorrow.]

Cheong-hyeon read the text message from Hee-won again, which he had received a few hours ago. Apart from the messages that arrived every day, distancing himself from him was progressing quite smoothly. Cheong-hyeon, who was looking at the message that felt somewhat resigned, swiped the screen up. The number of contacts that used to come several times a day had gradually decreased, and these days, it was only once or twice a day. With a heavy heart, he sent a reply. He couldn’t completely cut off contact because if he didn’t reply at all, he would skip the boss appointment time as a protest.

[I think I’ll be busy with homework.]

[Seo Hee-won: It’s okay if you’re late, please come]

A reply arrived immediately as if he had been waiting. He was not going to reply, but messages arrived one after another.

[Seo Hee-won: If you don’t come, I’ll skip too]

Now he was openly starting to threaten me. After staring at the text message for a long time, he called Hee-won. He couldn’t be dragged around like this. Hee-won answered the phone before the first ringtone ended.

-Hyung?

His voice calling me was noticeably excited.

-What’s going on? You never answered even if I called every day… Can you come tomorrow?

“Hee-won.”

-Yes.

“Let’s not harm other people.”

-…….

“You know what I mean, right? You’re not that clueless.”

This was entirely between Cheong-hyeon and Hee-won. He didn’t want other people to be harmed by waiting endlessly for Hee-won, who was skipping because of their problem.

-It’s because of Hyung. Why are you suddenly avoiding me?

“You know too. I should have done this from the beginning, but I’m correcting it now.”

-When did I ever want something like that? I just told you not to avoid me, is that so difficult?

“Hee-won, I can’t keep living with you like that forever.”

-I said I’m okay, so why… Does it make you feel better if you’re the only one comfortable?

“Do you think I’m comfortable? It’s all because of you…! If you hadn’t liked me, we wouldn’t have been so uncomfortable with each other. If only you hadn’t been caught…”

In the end, the thoughts he had been suppressing inside popped out. If Hee-won hadn’t carelessly revealed his feelings, they would have been fine as they were. He often missed the old days when he was just happy with Hee-won without any burden. In fact, he was resentful of the careless Hee-won. He quietly closed his eyes at the selfish thought that he himself felt. He couldn’t take back the words he had said now.

-Is it wrong that I like Hyung?

“……”

Hee-won’s faintly trembling voice was heard from beyond the cell phone. Cheong-hyeon didn’t intend to fight like this. He shouldn’t have called, his heart was weighed down by regret and guilt.

“…I’m going to hang up.”

-Wait a minute, Hyung. Can’t we talk in person?

Hee-won’s voice, deeply hurt and desperate, held Cheong-hyeon back.

“There’s nothing more to say.”

-Where are you going to hang up like this? Hyung, please, if you’re going to break up, let’s talk in person.

He didn’t understand why he was clinging so much, but he felt sorry for him.

“…I’ll go if I finish my homework early. Don’t wait.”

-Yes. Really, you promised.

“…I’m going to hang up.”

He hung up without hearing the answer. There was no homework that he had to finish urgently. He should have said he couldn’t go until the end, he felt guilty. But he couldn’t help it because he thought Hee-won would cling to him until the end if he didn’t say that. He bit his lip and put his cell phone deep into his bag.

As the college students’ semester began, the boss practice time for the first Artirens clear was drastically reduced. Today, they couldn’t find a time, so they gathered only in the morning to practice and disbanded the party for their respective schedules. Hee-won didn’t say a word to Cheong-hyeon throughout the game, and neither did Cheong-hyeon.

He had been busy going to boss practice whenever he had time, but he had some free time for the first time in a while. Today was a day without classes, so the rest of the day was completely empty. He was going to play more games, but he just logged out. It was suspicious to be in the game after saying he was busy with homework, but in fact, nothing was fun these days. Even games were no fun, so he didn’t want to play. These days, Cheong-hyeon was spending endlessly boring and tedious days. These symptoms started when he started avoiding Hee-won.

He had no desire to do anything, so he fiddled with his cell phone and lay down on the bed. He had been having trouble sleeping recently, so he was going to make up for his lack of sleep for the first time in a while. This insomnia also started after he distanced himself from Hee-won. He fell into a light sleep and woke up at an ambiguous time. There was another text message from Hee-won while he was sleeping. He knew it would be a message asking when he was coming today. He didn’t read it because he thought it would only make him feel more uncomfortable. He lay there listlessly in that state, and when it was dinner time, he called Min-jae, who he had been contacting frequently recently. Min-jae never refused whenever he was called.

Cheong-hyeon came into a bar with Min-jae, which was always crowded with students because the side dishes were cheap. Cheong-hyeon kept glancing at his cell phone throughout the drink. He didn’t read the text messages on purpose because he thought it would bother him, but that also bothered him. Min-jae looked at Cheong-hyeon with a lewd gaze.

“Why are you just looking at your cell phone like that? Did you make plans to meet that guy back then?”

Only then did Cheong-hyeon turn his cell phone over.

“It’s not like that. I’m just keeping my distance from him.”

“You’re still going on raids?”

“Yeah.”

“Wow… you’re tough. I didn’t know you were this tough. Aren’t you uncomfortable?”

“I’m uncomfortable… but I can’t help it.”

“What can’t you help? If it were me, I would have just quit the party because I was so uncomfortable.”

“What about the other guild members?”

“Is this the time to worry about other people? I’m about to die because I’m so uncomfortable. You’re a weirdo anyway.”

“I just… don’t want to cause trouble.”

“Do you think you’re not causing trouble for that girl? Are you honestly enjoying it? You trash.”

“No, I’m not…”

In fact, he could have left the party if he wanted to. He felt sorry for the party members, but if he found someone to replace him, it wouldn’t be Cheong-hyeon’s concern after that. Nevertheless, the reason he was so attached to the party was because if he said it, everything would really be over. He couldn’t understand it himself, but the thought that he would never see Hee-won again kept grabbing his ankle. Was he enjoying it as Min-jae said? Cheong-hyeon habitually reached for his cell phone again.

“You’re waiting for a call, aren’t you? If that’s the case, just date him?”

“I told you that’s not going to happen.”

“Ah, what did you say? You said you were going to throw up. You’re so mean.”

“When did I say that? I just said I felt a little nauseous.”

“That’s the same thing.”

“No, it’s different. If I said I was going to throw up, it would sound like it was so terrible.”

“What’s the difference with feeling nauseous? It’s the same thing.”

“…Anyway, it’s different. I really felt sick like something big had happened back then.”

“That’s a fucking vomiting symptom.”

“Stop cursing.”

In the end, Min-jae shrugged when he got angry. He was resentful of Hee-won, who liked him, but that didn’t mean he hated him terribly. An indescribable feeling kept getting caught in a corner of his heart.