IOTF Ch 19
by soapaI stormed out of the office and bolted out of the Queens building. It felt like my stomach, already stuck together, was being tugged and stabbed. I couldn’t even pinpoint where the pain was coming from. My head felt like it was going to explode from disillusionment with humanity.
Still, I hadn’t expected it to go this far… Even though he’d watched me survive without dying… Even though he’d looked at me like he’d forgive everything with just one word from my mouth…
It was the moment when the harsh reality threatened to bend my back. I sensed someone following me. Thinking it might be Kalbang or Han Doopil, I was hit first by the scent of a floral perfume. Turning my head, I saw a man in a white suit descending the stairs after me.
“Wait! Hold on a sec~!”
The moment I saw him, I recognized who he was. The same hairstyle as mine, with a dot under his eye—it was unmistakable.
“You’re Sunjung, right? Or rather, the host who used to be called Sunjung?”
He had round eyes and a pretty-boy face. He was a bit shorter and skinnier than me, but in a way, he did resemble me.
“I’m Yeon. I came down from Seoul too, and I’ve heard a lot about you, Sunjung-ssi.”
“I’ve got nothing to say to you.”
I cut him off sharply and started down the stairs again. But he stepped in front of me.
“Did you come to see the boss today?”
His overly raised eyebrows irritated me instantly. I tried to turn away from his surgically crafted face, but he blocked my path again.
“I’ve heard bits and pieces about your relationship with the boss, so I kinda get it. But they say the boss has zero interest in guys, so I don’t understand why he was like that with you. Did you maybe try to approach him first…?”
“Fuck. What a load of bullshit.”
Annoyed, I spat it out roughly. I had zero interest in who he was and didn’t want to know. So I stomped down the stairs again, and he started stumbling backward.
“You think putting a dot under your eye makes you look like me? What’s your plan if you do? Wanna introduce yourself to customers as Lee Sunjung? Go ahead. Impersonate me or play the knockoff—I don’t care.”
I kept going down, and he kept retreating unsteadily.
“I don’t give a damn what you do. But one thing.”
“Argh!”
I grabbed his perfectly styled hair with a yank.
“Don’t think about getting fucked by the boss while pretending to be me.”
I might actually flip out and kill him. I could slash that nauseating face of his, or hell, burn everything down.
“Let go! What did I even do~!”
“Fuck whoever you want, I don’t care, but don’t get fucked while being called Sunjung. Got it?”
I shook his hair and shoved him back. He tumbled down the stairs with a loud clatter, sprawling out. His heaving breaths burst out, and I ended up taking out my frustration with the boss on this unexpected target.
It was the worst. I left the fallen guy behind. The young uncle guarding the door opened it silently. Hearing the guy’s shouts echo behind me, I looked up at the cloudless winter sky.
˚｡⋆
The moment I clocked in, the manager called me over. He was grinning ear to ear, thrilled about the rising sales.
He said the tips I’d raked in since my first day already matched a month’s revenue, hyping me up. It seemed like he was suspicious I might jump to another place. Truth is, if I set my mind to it, I could gather regulars and move to another spot. With the daily earn-and-collect structure, it wouldn’t even be hard.
“So if you’ve got any complaints, just tell me straight. We’re in the same boat now, seeing each other every day—there’s no point in holding grudges.”
Just then, the door opened, and Lee Seungkwan walked in. Despite the chaos a few days ago, the two of them were rubbing along like people who lived cheek by jowl.
“Pay some attention to the snacks.”
“Snacks?”
“Throw out the old, soggy dried stuff and put something decent on the table, even if it’s just one thing. Buy some expensive, good-quality fruit for decoration, and make the tonkatsu thicker, not those thin slices. Customers eat it, I eat it—this place is seriously lacking even the basics.”
At my words, the manager pressed his lips shut, then opened them again.
“Got it. This place is mostly for second rounds anyway, so people don’t eat much snacks—that’s why it’s been like that.”
“Even for second rounds, it’s still food people eat.”
That’s when Lee Seungkwan cut in.
“Ugh, so damn talkative. Obviously, we’d serve edible stuff—think we’d put out garbage?”
The manager quickly smacked Seungkwan’s thigh, shutting him up.
“Don’t butt in. Songi’s not wrong.”
“Not wrong? So what, you saying I’m skimming the ingredient budget or something?”
My eyes shot to Seungkwan. So the ingredients coming into the place were under his management.
“Who said that? Songi’s just saying if we’re gonna hook customers, the snacks should taste good too.”
“Fuck, it’s the same thing. It’s not like we serve inedible shit—everything’s checked for expiration. Since when did you get so picky about food?”
I listened quietly to Seungkwan, then said I had one question.
“The meat for the sweet-and-sour pork. I know it’s not pre-made for businesses but fried fresh in the kitchen—where do you get that meat?”
“What, Songi? Did it taste bad…?”
“What’s wrong with the meat! There’s never been a problem—everyone eats it fine, so what’s the issue!”
I’d just asked a question. But Seungkwan was the one huffing and acting guilty.
“Why’re you yelling! He’s just asking! He didn’t even say anything—why’re you losing it?”
“Ugh, that fucker! He’s really getting on my nerves! Why bring up snacks that’ve sold fine all this time! What’s wrong with the meat?! Fuck, you’re the only one with a mouth—other customers don’t say shit, huh?!”
Seungkwan glared and lunged at me. Screaming and cursing, the manager finally shoved him out.
“Argh! This lunatic’s at it again! Nope, get out! Out!”
He kept ranting even as he was pushed out the door. I turned to the manager, who’d come back, and said,
“…I was gonna say the sweet-and-sour pork’s the only edible thing.”
“I know. That guy works at a slaughterhouse, so he brings the meat himself. Honestly, whatever else, the meat’s gotta be good.”
“Yeah, exactly. The fruit’s awful, but the meat’s decent.”
“I’ll take your advice and spruce up the snacks. Gotta go shopping right now.”
The manager stepped out, and I heard them bickering. They fought over me like it was a show. The manager didn’t want to lose me, but Seungkwan saw me as a thorn in his side, so loud arguments were a daily thing.
Business started, and I began running rooms like crazy. Mixing with other hosts, pouring drinks, singing songs. The others went all out with service to keep their customers, while I slipped out smartly to double up and pocket cash.
Dawn came, and while everyone else was hugging toilets, Ji Yeonwoo called. Short version: he’d heard I’d grabbed that copycat host’s hair—“Is it true, hyung?!” I didn’t answer.
I didn’t care what rumors said—I wasn’t going back to Queens. Whether that guy mimicked me or not, I’d ignore it and roll around here, planning to gather regulars.
I left the bar and sat on a park bench, lighting a cigarette. After unloading everything, my mouth felt gritty and my stomach burned. They’d told me not to drink with my stomach like this, but with reality this messed up, I couldn’t not drink.
Can’t even die properly. Fuck…
I exhaled smoke into the air, and my phone rang. With the cigarette in my mouth, I checked the caller and froze slightly.
5:10 a.m. Jaehoon hyung was saying he’d come down to Yeonsan.
˚｡⋆
Seeing my face, Jaehoon hyung stayed silent for a moment. Meeting after months, we sat in a quiet sashimi place, just smoking.
In the white haze, I told him bits and pieces. When I mentioned getting tangled with the boss, he finally spoke.
“I knew. The day they came looking for you, the rumors had already spread.”
“…”
“Boss Joo—Joo Gicheol’s youngest son.”
At Jaehoon’s words, I looked up to meet his eyes.
“Joo Gicheol’s Mujin faction has always been a group you don’t mess with. They say the bodies they dumped off Incheon’s coast could fill a truck. No more room in Yeonsan’s sea, so they dragged corpses to Incheon. Mutilating bodies is Mujin’s specialty, and the best at it was supposedly Joo Gicheol’s youngest son.”
“…”
“They say he was sent to China to learn proper knife work, though some say it was to dodge trouble after causing a mess.”
It made sense yet didn’t. Or rather, I already knew some of it, but the body mutilation part was new.
“But this guy only recently started taking over clubs and nightlife spots. They were problem businesses he got cheap through pressure, so everyone hushed it up. Made money hand over fist and killed the rumors too. Mujin’s youngest pushed out his older brothers and took over Yeonsan’s scene—who’d dare open their mouth?”
“…”
“Even I didn’t know Queens’ boss was a Joo. Or rather, I didn’t even know when Versace’s boss changed. If I’d known it was a Joo, would I have sent you there?”
As he kept talking, I rubbed my eyes roughly. The hazy smoke stung them, and I let out a long sigh. Jaehoon looked at me with pity and said,
“I don’t know how you got mixed up with the boss, but if you can, get out fast.”
“…”
“Up in Seoul, I’ve got some sisters…”
I cut him off by downing my drink. Pointless hope and expectations had ended the day I went to the office.
“It’s 400 million. I can’t get out easily. Even if I do, I’ll be a wreck by then.”
“Soyoon-ah.”
“Hyung, just come down sometimes and buy me drinks. And I can’t pay you back for a while.”
I told him to give up, but Jaehoon suddenly glanced around. Like he had something to say, he hardened his gaze and showed me his phone screen.
“Keep this to yourself.”
“…”
“There’s this woman I’m working on. A mountain property in her husband’s name is about to transfer to her—worth billions. I hooked her up with the lawyer who’s making it happen. I’ve settled for playing cute and getting crumbs, but the more I think about it, crumbs aren’t enough. So I talked to the lawyer, and turns out she’s got a little brother she adores. Divorced last year, living alone in Bundang, and wants a well-behaved white puppy. A divorced woman wanting a cute white dog—that’s your specialty, right?”
It felt like a ray of light shot out of nowhere. I couldn’t even smoke my cigarette and stared at the face on the screen, asking,
“How old?”
“Forty-three.”
“Kids?”
“None, obviously.”
“How much?”
“Enough to clear 400 million in less than half a year and still have leftovers.”
I couldn’t take it lightly.
“And who knows? If you hit it off and she takes a real liking to you, maybe you’ll live as her puppy forever? The woman I’m working on is worth a house herself. I scored an officetel in Seongwol-dong.”
My eyes shook, and my head spun. Jaehoon was a pro at schemes, great at hitting and running, and his background checks were reliable. Calling it “crumbs” meant it was practically in his pocket.
“Hyung, but I can’t get out of here…”
“I know. That’s why I came. Scouting ahead.”
Jaehoon tapped his chest confidently. The sudden news left me a bit dazed.
“Soon, I’ll bring her down here. Get ready and wait. You’ll see when you meet her—act docile, listen well, and she’ll hand you a chunk.”
He told me to trust him, but it wasn’t him I doubted—it was me. I’d already stepped into this cesspool, and it couldn’t get dirtier or more pathetic.
Still, I nodded at this lifeline. My drinking hand pulsed with blood and heat.
“I can really get out. Pay off 400 million in one go and leave this place for real.”
We clinked glasses. Amid the flood of thoughts, the boss’s serpentine eyes scanning me flashed back, and I clamped my mouth shut.
˚｡⋆
Hyung went back to Seoul before the evening shift started. After getting the basics on the woman, I drafted a plan. He’d come to Yeonsan pretending to hang out, call me up, introduce her to nice spots, and I’d play it meek.
If I kept pushing my younger charm and took care of her, she’d likely seek me out again. Slowly revealing I was tied to Yeonsan, I could maybe get some interest payments upfront.
She wasn’t stingy with money, he’d said, so if I stressed the debt, she might cover a few months’ interest.
It was just a thought, but my head was already spinning. After dealing with fishy coastal women and men, the idea of serving a rich lady sparked some life in me.
I hurried to get ready for work and bought a decent coat. Wearing a beige one that reached below my knees, I stepped out of the taxi just as Han Doopil sauntered out from a corner of the park.
Seeing me, he narrowed his eyes slightly before getting to the point.
“Lee Soyoon.”
“Yes.”
“Keep track of your interest due date.”
“I know. Send me the account, and I’ll transfer it.”
As Han Doopil brushed past me, he said,
“Stay quiet.”
I turned my head, confused.
“Don’t stir shit up with that Seoul guy. Got it?”
“Seoul guy?”
“This is Yeonsan, Yeonsan.”
It was like I could hear him say, “Think there’d be secrets here?”
“I’m saying it for your sake.”
Laughter burst out. What? For my sake? Fuck, do they take me for a ghost? Since I’ve been their punching bag, they really think I’m an idiot.
Just when I’d felt good for once, I crashed back down. The boss’s snake-like eyes from the office and Joo Geonwoo toying with me came to mind, and I gritted my teeth.
Business started, and around midnight, I zoned out during a lineup.
I’d already run five tables, so I thought I’d seen wrong. But the customers picking three hosts now were construction laborers. Their clothes were dirt-stained, and their sunburned faces were covered in white patches from the cold.
“You. You. You.”
The biggest guy pointed at me and two others. I hesitated, but today, customers hadn’t stuck much. Even the ones picking me weren’t too clingy, and since he’d singled me out from the start, I couldn’t say no.
“What you doing?”
At his rough words, the other hosts latched on one by one. Reluctantly, I sat next to the guy who’d picked me. He filled glasses and mine too. He smelled of sweat, a faint stink, and the earthy scent of a construction site.
“What’s your name?”
“Call me Songi.”
“New face.”
“Yes. I haven’t been here long.”
“Show me your dick.”
No drink yet, and he spread his legs, demanding to see. Nearby, someone was already unzipping, checking out a young, fresh dick.
“What you doing? Show me.”
“Yes.”
I answered and unzipped. Pulling it slightly out of my briefs, the round head and slit gleamed under the lights.
“Oh yeah. Let’s drink.”
Satisfied, he grabbed his glass. He downed it in one go, then stretched an arm to pull me in. As another host sang, glasses started flying around ruthlessly. True to laborers, they drank like brutes, too fast to keep up.
I choked on my last drink and—pfft—spat it out. It splashed on his thigh, and his eyes turned feral.
“You just spit your drink?”
“Sorry, I… sneezed…”
I coughed quickly, wiping the spill off his thigh. My hand brushed it, and I felt his erection. Sensing the shape of his big dick, nausea hit again. I hadn’t expected this, but feeling another man’s—not the boss’s—sent chills through me.
“Come here. Quick.”
He grabbed my arm roughly, trying to pull me onto his work pants. The boss’s thighs flashed in my mind. I couldn’t take it and shot up. A glass hit the floor and shattered. The noise cut the song, and the rejected guy cursed, yanking me back.
“Fucking bastard, what you doing!”
“Sorry, I… I…”
“Did you just dodge me?”
“No, it’s not…!”
A flash before my eyes. By the time I realized I’d been hit, the other customers and hosts were holding him back. I bolted out of the room. I don’t even remember how I got downstairs. The rushed drinks had me out of it.
Reaching the first floor, I puked. The booze I’d downed on an empty stomach poured out, and I collapsed with it. Clutching my stomach, I kept retching. My organs, supposed to settle back, agonized me as they expelled the liquor.
After vomiting it all, the spot where I’d been hit started throbbing. A thick, big hand had left a mark—what now? Then cigarette smoke wafted over. Looking up, it was the manager.
“Done?”
I apologized right away.
“Sorry.”
“First time with male customers?”
He approached, seeming understanding.
“Old regulars. Been away for a while, but heard a pretty boy came in and booked a VIP room. They look rough, but they’re crew chiefs with good cash. Go back up and finish.”
So that was his goal. Not concern—he was testing how much I could take. I wiped my wet lips and fixed my hair.
Seeing the puddle I’d made reminded me of someone, but I brushed it off. With a deep breath, I went back inside.
It was as bad as being dragged to a slaughterhouse.
Luckily, the laborers didn’t fully ditch me. I apologized for spitting the drink and explained I wasn’t used to male customers. The manager sat by, serving drinks, and once snacks piled in, the vibe eased up.
But that eased vibe was the problem. These smelly regulars of the manager’s opened their wallets, and even unpicked hosts joined, drinking and taking tips.
Dicks danced in front of me, making a mess. The hosts who used their asses were on another level. They casually bared their butts, and the laborers buried their noses in round cheeks, sniffing and loving it.
Between young cocks and old ones, I lost it. Work or chaos, the room turned into a party, and I don’t recall when I escaped. Grabbing my phone and stumbling out, the liquor rising to my throat made me puke into a random trash can.
With a ragged breath, exhaustion stabbed my whole body. Realizing I hadn’t slept properly since talking to the boss felt like a chore. I dragged myself to the empty host waiting room and lay down. Staring at the ceiling’s old billiard hall mark, I blinked.
The booze knocked me out.
˚｡⋆
Waking up, I realized no one was around. Everyone but me, passed out drunk, must’ve left. Then I heard voices outside.
Thinking it was a waiter who hadn’t clocked out, I caught, “Figure it out yourself, fucker.” Two men, arguing quietly like they disagreed. Sensing something off, I turned on my phone. Just shy of 7 a.m.—everyone should’ve been gone.
The door opened. A man in a pigeon-gray jacket—it was Lee Seungkwan. His face, busted from a beating days ago, stared at me.
“…What?”
I spoke, trying to get up.
“Everyone’s gone.”
“I know.”
“The manager left the keys and went drinking.”
“Yeah. I know.”
“So it’s just you and me here, right?”
I silently furrowed my brow at his words, glaring behind him.
“There was someone else.”
Seungkwan’s lips twitched, then shut. As expected, another man appeared beyond the door. Seeing his face, I remembered someone. No—this pig-like guy blocking the door was the husband of the female customer who’d taken my tip. The one groveling to the boss while eating knife-cut noodles at the market…
“See? Face matches, right?”
“Yeah.”
“That’s the bastard who messed with your wife. Told you—his looks, everything fits.”
The woman’s husband shoved Seungkwan aside and strode into the waiting room. The slaughterhouse worker was as pissed as his ugly face suggested. Come to think of it, these two worked in slaughter and knew each other.
Fuck. I couldn’t help but scowl hard.
After cleanup, there was nothing weapon-like around. Then Seungkwan shut the door. The man stomped in, stepping onto the yellow linoleum in his shoes.
“Back then, I thought your pretty face would ruin a bunch of women, and here you are, still at it.”
Words I’d heard before came back. “Those bitches who played with you—I fucked them all up. The one who took your tip got dragged by her hair by her husband, and the boss lady you screwed—I buried her business…”
“Felt good fucking someone’s wife, you bastard?”
He approached menacingly, raising a huge fist in front of me, eyes blazing like he’d smash my face.
“You fucker, that bitch skipped the PTA meeting to fuck you. All day, obsessed with you, bringing cash from the shop straight to you!”
Seeing his red face, my balls shrank. Especially with Seungkwan behind him, grinning with yellow teeth—it felt like my neck would be slit by this butcher’s hand.
“I didn’t sleep with her.”
At my words, he grabbed my collar with a yank.
“You two bastards even synced your stories, huh?”
“Let go. I said I didn’t sleep with her!”
“You sucked and fucked in that dark room and now say what? You didn’t?! That’s fucking, what else is it! Huh?!”
He shook me hard. My whole body rocked, my brain rattling.
“Fucking bastard, planning to seduce someone else with that face? Huh? They say you use your ass too?”
My eyes flicked to Seungkwan. He’d already decided, pulling out tissues and dry towels stacked in the corner.
“Let’s fuck the bastard who fucked my wife. Brother! Set it up!”
As Seungkwan moved, I twisted the arm grabbing my collar. Charging with all I had, I punched his gut, and he hit my face. The spot from the laborer earlier took another blow, and I staggered.
“Ugh! Fuck…”
“Piece of shit!”
The husband’s eyes rolled back. I collapsed onto the sofa. Spotting a beer bottle used as an ashtray, I swung it with all my strength.
A clang rang out as it hit his thigh and split in half. Spit and cigarette butts flew everywhere, and he grabbed my hair, cursing.
“Fucking bastard!!”
I screamed, swinging the broken bottle. But his thick winter padding blocked any damage. Seungkwan kicked my stomach and bashed my head, dragging me to the floor.
“Stop!!”
“Fucking bastard. Ptoo! I knew you’d end up like this. What? Don’t call you ‘hey’? Fuck you! Thought I couldn’t dig up dirt on you? Thought I couldn’t touch you with the manager around?!”
Panting, Seungkwan undid his belt. Even seeing my bloody face, he grinned, pulling down his pants and shoving his erect, dark dick in my face.
“Suck it!”
At his words, the husband flipped me over. A dry towel was shoved into my mouth.
“Haa, let’s see this fucker’s cunt!”
“Can you finish quick?”
“Do it fast and ditch him. Haa, look at this bitch’s pretty cunt. A host with this body? Just get fucked. Nice dick too. Fucking bitch!”
Seungkwan was giddy. My hands were pinned, my pants already yanked off, ass up.
“Brother, hurry. The boss is coming.”
“That crazy bitch is too busy cheating to notice. We’ve got an hour or two. Try it!”
“Nah, not into guys.”
“It’s this smooth and white! You said you’d fuck him earlier—why’d you tag along then?”
Seungkwan bared his tongue between yellow teeth, sniffing. Meanwhile, the butcher smacked his lips and started unbuckling too.
“Me first! Top or bottom, whatever!”
Seungkwan’s lips aimed for my ass. I kicked back like a colt. It earned me a gut punch and a hair yank, slamming me down. My mind faded, vision blackening. As I thought something was gushing out—
A loud banging sounded. Everything froze. Seungkwan whipped his head toward the door.
“Locked it?”
“Yeah. Double-checked.”
With his dick out, Seungkwan cursed and turned to the man.
“You go send ‘em away.”
“Who is it?”
“Whoever—just get rid of ‘em. Glare like it’s your wife, and they’ll fuck off!”
Seungkwan, desperate, gripped my ass hard. The hesitant butcher heaved his bulk toward the door.
“Hurry back!”
At Seungkwan’s urging, he pushed the handle and stepped out. A chill hit, and Seungkwan spat into his palm. His crazed, excited face dripped saliva toward my hole.
Then it happened. As my freed arms swung a fist at Seungkwan’s jaw, a groan sounded. Something heavy crashed down and rolled in—it was the butcher, sprawled flat, bleeding from his head like he’d been shot.
“Fuck… Fuck, what!! Argh!!”
Seungkwan stumbled back in shock. Footsteps approached. Not fast, not slow. Bleeding, I eyed the shoes. High-quality leather, straight-tip, no tassels. A subtle sheen on black shoes led up to long calves I knew well.
“Eek.”
With a yelp, Seungkwan’s body flew. The boss kicked him with those long legs, sending him crashing away. Crushing a man underfoot, his face showed nothing. Not a breath out of place. As Seungkwan passed out, he kicked the dangling dick next. Too horrific to watch, but I couldn’t block the sounds. Trembling, unable to open my eyes, a pig-like squeal pierced through.
Hearing the boss’s kicks, I thought—
Does it sound like that when a body’s torn apart?
They said he was good at mutilation… And he was…
When the kicks stopped, a thick blood stench hit. No screams, no pained cries—just silence, like no one was there. The leather shoes stepped toward me.
I was lying face down. My buttocks were exposed, and my face was smeared with blood that had burst from my nose.
“…”
A quiet silence followed, and the boss bent his knees. He looked down at me without a word. He reached out and brushed my cheek. Only then did I collapse sideways with a thud. The blood that had been trickling down mixed with tears as it flowed downward.
The boss looked at me like that and lowered his long eyelashes. I thought he’d say something like “you filthy dog,” “you piece of trash,” or “you dirty slut…” But at that moment, he took off his long coat. A moment later, his coat settled over me.
It was as if the world had been blocked out, and darkness enveloped me.
˚｡⋆
When I opened my eyes, I was in the boss’s arms. Wrapped in his coat, I was being carried somewhere, and my exposed legs felt the cold sting of the outdoors.
“No need to call Dr. Park.”
“You gonna handle it yourself, boss?”
“You go take care of the cleanup.”
“Leave it to him to sort out?”
The boss didn’t answer Han Doopil’s question. As if aware I was listening, the sound of Han Doopil disappearing came right after.
Soon, a warm heat enveloped me. We must’ve come inside because the noise faded, and the boss set me down on a plush sofa.
I stayed wrapped in his coat. My face, a mess of congealed blood and tears, was bowed low. Then my vision cleared as the coat covering me was lifted. Looking up, I saw the boss holding a crystal glass, staring at me.
“…”
His gaze, scanning my eyes, nose, and mouth, was terrifying. The veins on the back of his hand bulged as if he might shatter the glass any second, but he remained calm. Unlike when he’d crushed Seungkwan underfoot, his face showed no expression, which made it even scarier.
“Come here.”
I shook my head side to side. As I shakily pushed myself back on the sofa, he set down the crystal glass he’d been holding and said again,
“Come here.”
I didn’t go again. Holding my ground, he lifted me up. With me slung over his shoulder, he crossed the living room and kicked open the bathroom door.
“Don’t…”
“Shut your mouth.”
His hands undressing me were steady. At one point, they grew forceful, as if he might rip my clothes off, but he quickly restrained himself.
He pushed me into the bathtub. The water was warm and quickly turned murky. The blood on my face washed away, and he studied me closely before asking,
“Still got nothing to say?”
His eyes looking at me were calm.
“Baekil gave you a hint, didn’t he?”
Suddenly, I felt like I might burst into tears. Still, I clenched my teeth to avoid answering. The gentle look in his eyes vanished. The boss, who’d been patiently waiting for a response, straightened up and said,
“Wash up and come out.”
With the sound of water, he left the bathroom. A click sounded, and only then did I let out a sob.
After washing, I came out, and he was holding a glass again. Standing there naked, dripping water, he gestured to me.
I approached and let myself fall into his hands. The wound on my stomach had burst open, and blood flowed freely. Before I could even feel the pain, he pulled out a syringe. Tying a rubber band around my arm, he skillfully injected the drug. Laying me on a large, undecorated bed, he spoke with a brandy-scented breath,
“Sleep, and when you wake up, I’ll ask again.”
The warmth and cleanliness of the bedding relaxed my body. As the drug spread, even his voice sounded faint.
“I’ll bend, but you… have to too.”
My eyes started to close. Sensing I could no longer talk, he clicked his tongue. After that, I remembered nothing. I saw him take out his phone, and then I passed out like I’d fainted.
˚｡⋆
When I woke up, the boss was gone. The large room held only a bed and a nightstand. I pulled back the covers to check my stomach. It was bandaged, and though I didn’t look, I knew my swollen face was a mess.
I stumbled out into the living room. Snow must’ve kept falling because the garden outside was piled high with white.
Where was this place? Then the TV flicked on with a pop. That’s when I realized this was the boss’s new hideout. It made sense—his watch, the one he always wore, sat prominently on the table by the sofa.
As if it were a badge of his presence, displayed for all to see, I recalled what he’d said just before I passed out.
“Sleep, and when you wake up, I’ll ask again.”
Before I could fully process it, self-loathing crashed over me. Every detail of what happened yesterday came back vividly. Serving the construction worker and thinking of the boss. Getting hit and going back to the room to pour drinks. Passing out drunk and nearly getting raped by Seungkwan. He’d even called in the husband of the customer who’d taken my tip—he’d planned it all.
Since when had he been scheming this?
From that alleyway? Or when he mocked me to stick to shutter work? When he picked a fight over the meat… Thinking back, I was the one who first showed disdain. From the start, I’d dismissed it as a rundown mid-tier bar and looked down on everyone working there.
I’d mouthed off, acted annoyed whenever I pleased, and thought about gathering regulars to ditch the place. Whether I’d felt relieved to escape the boss, pissed off, or just vented everything that’d happened, I’d been reckless.
But how did he know to come there? Since when had he been watching me to come save me? He said he’d abandoned me—no, he had abandoned me. Even when I went to his office, he mocked me, so why did he save me?
He wanted me to live like shit, sent me to the gutter to do so…
Or maybe he really meant to show me what rock bottom was. As if he’d known I’d end up like that, maybe he’d waited and then crushed Seungkwan and that pig.
A hollow laugh escaped me. I remembered his face looking down at me with my ass bared. Those calm eyes, his thick lips saying nothing. The hands lifting me, the heartbeat under his chest—all of it came back, confusing me more.
The hollow laughter grew louder, then stopped abruptly. I stared at the snow piling up for a while before standing. Without rummaging around, I found my crumpled clothes in a laundry basket.
I put on the dirty, bloodstained shirt and pants. Slipping barefoot into my shoes and throwing on my newly bought, blood-soaked coat, I stepped outside. Crossing a small garden with a pine-lined pond, I opened the gate. It swung open easily, and no guards stood out front.
I walked along a path between sparsely built houses. This upscale neighborhood had no signs, no payphones, no convenience stores. No one to ask directions from—just me, alone, moving in the cold.
So I kept walking aimlessly. My stiff, frozen shoes felt like they’d tear my feet apart, and each step made my burst stomach wound throb. Overwhelmed by pain, I stumbled over the snowy path and fell.
A loud crash—my back and waist took a hard hit. Falling backward, I couldn’t move for a while.
My chest tightened, and with another blow on top of yesterday’s bruises, I couldn’t even breathe. I stayed curled up, unable to do anything. When I finally managed to roll over and stand, the snow had started again.
With my hands and face red from the cold, I began walking once more. No part of my body—back, stomach, waist—felt normal. It was like all sensation had vanished, and under my crumpled shirt, red bloodstains crept up from my torn stomach.
I looked down at myself and giggled. The laughter kept bursting out, like I’d let go of everything.
I felt like I was going insane—maybe this was the path to it. If so, I should go back to where it all started.
I boarded a bus to get there. People flinched and turned away when they saw me. A child burst into tears, and the mother quickly covered its mouth, holding it tight.
Mom. That’s what a mother is.
A being who holds you close and gives endless love. But I was never meant to be loved by a mother. A troublesome burden. Her belly must’ve grown during a time of indecision, and the bastard father was likely less than human, so her abandoning me was inevitable.
She must’ve left me with my grandmother to start a new life. I was never part of her plans, and whether I inherited her cold nature was irrelevant to her.
I assessed myself coldly in reality. I’d brought this on myself and became exactly the wreck the boss wanted. Instead of saying I was wrong, I chose to fall into this abyss, so my current state was mine to bear. Like Kalbang said, I shouldn’t have let go of his hand, even living like a dog. I should’ve resolved to be loved, not abandoned, but I’d stormed out of that path.
No regrets. A smirk crept up. I wanted to scratch that face he’d shown me before I fell asleep. Slash it with a sharp blade, clap in awe at the scarred marks.
Hahahahaha. Laughter erupted, and the child cried again. Even as a madman disrupted Yeonsan’s air, I thought,
‘I didn’t do anything wrong. I won’t say I did.’
˚｡⋆
I got off the bus and bought soju at a hole-in-the-wall shop. Walking the darkening streets, I reached the inn. Opening the creaky door, I blew a raspberry. Locking it and kicking off my shoes, I kept drinking.
Half-emptying the bottle, I sat on the floor without a thought. As my butt hit the hot floor, my body slumped like a drained battery.
I stared at the yellowed wallpaper and closed my eyes.
Darkness.
My whole body burned, unbearable. It felt like I was sizzling from head to toe, like a giant bug had crawled into my stomach and was tearing it apart.
Ughhh—I groaned, though no sound came, and opened my eyes. Twisting in pain, I saw a dark figure. Someone was there. Even amid the agony, fear surged.
“…W-Who…”
A sigh came instead of an answer. Then I saw the red glow of a cigarette tip. That’s when I realized who it was.
Sitting at the bed’s edge, facing away, was the boss. He slowly stood and pulled back the curtain. Streetlight streamed through the window, illuminating his face against the backdrop of the soju bottle-strewn room.
“You awake?”
He stood, looking down at me. My face was ghostly pale, but sweat dripped. Seeing my state in the dark, he clicked his tongue.
“It’s burst again.”
Only then did I notice the blood from my shirt had spread to the bedding. As the burning pain crept back, making me grimace, he stubbed his cigarette on the yellow wall.
“Of course it hurts. Did you think that fucked-up hole you stabbed would just heal nicely?”
He sat on the mattress. Up close, his face was still expressionless. Not the mocking look from the office, nor the calm fury when he crushed Seungkwan—just eerily still.
“…Why’d you come…”
“Why do you think?”
“Scared I’d die and dodge the debt?”
“Not wrong. If you look like you’ll die, I keep you alive. If you try again, I tie you up.”
“Why.”
“Because you’re Sunjung.”
“…”
“No matter how much you see me as a fucking bastard, I see you as Sunjung.”
In the streetlight glow, his eyes shone. Yellow, blue, red—they stared at me relentlessly.
“So you saved me? Came to rescue me?”
“Should I have just watched?”
“You sent me there. Told me to go get fucked.”
“…”
“Even when I ran because I hated you, you chased me down…”
He leaned his large frame forward. A gesture to stop talking.
“Lee Soyoon. I’m not the type to regret, think, or worry in life.”
“…”
“If I like what I see, it’s mine. If it bothers me, I get rid of it. If it acts up, I break it like a dog. A guy who’s lived like that forever—think he can change suddenly? Still, I never laid a hand on you. Never sat you on the floor—always on my lap. Even when you snap and glare, I don’t say shit. Whether you run or escape, I’d forgive it all if you just apologized. But when you stab yourself, what am I supposed to do?”
He voiced why he was angry. Since I wouldn’t say what he wanted, he was saying it himself.
“I’m human too. When you look at me with such disgust, what do I do? How much do I endure?”
“…”
“I can’t knock you up. You treat money like it’s nothing. You’re so damn prickly and stubborn—how much do I have to understand you?”
“…”
“Do I have to watch you try to kill yourself too?”
In the dark, his face looked hurt. As if he hadn’t had a single peaceful day since abandoning me. Seeing that face, I wanted to sob.
“Just say ‘I’m sorry,’ and it’s done. ‘I ended up running,’ and I’d let it go. ‘I’m scared, so delete the video,’ and I would. Right?”
“…”
“You know I’d do it all, so why be so stubborn?”
No, it wasn’t stubbornness. The stubborn one was him, not me. Swallowing my urge to cry, I asked,
“You don’t apologize for anything, but I have to?”
My teary outburst twisted his head.
“You said one apology would do, but the one not apologizing is you, Joo Geonwoo.”
Barging into my life, trapping me, doing every vile thing imaginable, letting me find out, secretly filming me without a hint of remorse, then using it as leverage to drive me insane.
“I’ve seen too many bastards like you.”
“…”
“Playing with people, satisfying their greed, then tossing them aside when they’re bored. That’s why I hate gangsters and thugs. Too many hosts get ruined because of them. And you.”
You’re worse than any gangster or thug I’ve ever seen.
At my words, he dropped a hand onto his knee with a thud. Speechless for a moment, he pressed his eyes hard with that hand. Even after all this, facing my defiance, he spoke in a subdued voice,
“So. You gonna keep this up?”
“…”
“Wanna keep living like this with me? You crying all the time, me chasing you? Live every day like a war?”
Does that mean he can’t give up on me, even if it kills him?
“Just let me go.”
“I said I can’t.”
“Why not!”
“Lee Soyoon.”
I clenched my teeth. Calling me Lee Soyoon instead of Sunjung, he unleashed the emotions I’d held back, swirling and bursting out.
“I don’t wanna live with you! You do whatever you want—why can’t I? You want me to lose it? Run again, hurt myself—is that what you want?!”
Yelling, pain shot through my stomach. More blood flowed, but I didn’t care.
“If I stay with you, I’ll die! I’ll hang myself right in front of you…!”
Instantly, my mouth was covered. His yellow, blue, red eyes came close and spat out,
“Fucking bitch.”
His large frame, blocking my mouth, trembled. Rising and falling, as if he too was holding back rage.
“You won’t ever say you won’t do it again, huh?”
With my mouth covered, tears burst out. Glaring at him, crying as if he should be the one saying it, he removed his hand and dropped his head low.
He stayed like that for a bit. As my flowing tears mixed with blood and soaked the bedding, he lifted his bowed head.
“The video’s already deleted. Queens was a place messing with drugs, so the CCTV was for surveillance. You got caught on it, and I liked hearing you sing, so I kept it. Then it filmed us fucking, and I held onto it.”
“…”
“I didn’t plan to use it to threaten or trap you from the start.”
He pulled his blocking hand away. My breath burst out, and a tear fell with a plop.
“I was gonna let everything slide. Even when you were scheming with some woman, I was gonna stay quiet and bring you back. But when you went nuts saying you’d die, I lost it. If you really died, what would I do? Huh?”
“…”
“A guy I kept like a wife dies, and the only one I’ve ever wanted as a wife is you. You trying to kill yourself in front of me—wouldn’t that piss you off too?”
He spoke calmly, but I vividly recalled how he’d watched me. Dawn, morning, night—his eyes on me as I suffered. Beyond frustration, it was affection, mixed with intense regret for getting tangled with a bastard like me.
“But you abandoned me. How do you explain that?”
“If I’d abandoned you, would I have followed you all day?”
“…”
“Made the innkeeper blast the heat so you wouldn’t croak in your sleep?”
My eyes wavered. Come to think of it, I hadn’t been cold since coming here. The wind leaked in like crazy, but the floor was scorching.
“If I’d quietly brought you back from running, you wouldn’t say thanks—instead, you talk about selling yourself, pissing me off before the bandages even come off.”
“…”
“You stormed out of the office—why’d you push that perfectly fine host? His head’s cracked, and he’s threatening to sue. Not enough debt, now you want assault and manslaughter charges?”
My tears slowly stopped. Thinking back, when I’d grabbed his hair and shoved him, there might’ve been a cracking sound.
“You should’ve waited for me after waking up. Why go out, collapse on the street, and rip your stomach open again?”
“…”
“Even now, I came to pick you up after you passed out drunk.”
His eyes softened now. No “fucking bitch” like when I’d threatened to hang myself—just a look of pity as he said,
“I won’t leave you alone. Never have.”
“…”
“I’ll bend, so stop being a jackass.”
I didn’t want to cry, but tears kept coming. Unable to hide it, I let my nose and eyes run.
Joo Geonwoo stayed silent for a moment. I cried my fill, choking and gasping for air. Holding my cheeks, he let me sob as much as I needed. No “stop crying,” no mocking grin, no harsh glare.
He was calm, like he’d known this would happen, signaling as an adult that he’d let it slide this once.
“So, my debt?”
“The 400 million’s forgiven.”
“No, it was never real.”
“…”
“You made it up—why demand it from me? Did I tell you to come looking?”
His face turned incredulous. Eyes like he might kill me, then a scoff.
“Still gotta win, huh?”
“Not wrong. You fabricated it—it was never real. So…”
He slammed his forehead against mine. As his breath hit me, he said,
“Let’s call it financial therapy. I’ll give you financial therapy.”
“…”
“I’ve gone this far—cut it out, okay?”
Instead of answering, I glared. Sniffling with our foreheads pressed, tears and snot flowed, and he sighed, pulling me close.
“Fuck, what a mess meeting a brat like you.”
Then, as if there was nothing left to settle, he lifted me. His solid chest pressed against mine, and Joo Geonwoo walked out of the inn room with his boots. Kicking the door open, Kalbang stepped aside like he’d been waiting.
“The car?”
“Downstairs.”
“Go ahead.”
Kalbang whistled as he descended the stairs. Carrying me through the shabby inn hallway, he stopped abruptly.
Wondering why, against the bluish dawn beyond the old window, he said, annoyed,
“And you—stop talking so casually.”
“…”
“Might just kill you.”