IOTF Ch 25
by soapaIt had already been ten days since I arrived in Seoul.
The boss still held Marine City in his grip, his men guarding the area day and night. My hotel was no exception. The 21-story mid-range hotel had suddenly become the exclusive lodging for the Yeonsan gangsters, and the so-called tattooed thugs and fearless kids had noticeably decreased.
The usual drunken brawls in the red-light district and the police sirens that used to wail in the early morning hours were almost nonexistent. Unintentionally, thanks to the boss’s men taking over the area, things had naturally been cleaned up, and the gangsters who used to watch over other establishments now mostly just passed by with their eyes downcast.
“Haengsunim, you’re out. Where are you going?”
“I’m sick of hotel food. I’m going to a bakery nearby that I used to frequent.”
Jang Wooseong had lost some weight, likely from the demanding work in Seoul. Almost all of the boss’s men here seemed thinner, but I didn’t bother to imagine or ask why.
“Will a piece of bread be enough?”
“It’s fine for me. Wooseong, is there anything you want to eat?”
I held the boss’s wallet along with my phone. Since we arrived in Seoul, he’d entrusted his entire wallet to me, saying I could use the cards or cash as I pleased.
“That’s not… uh…”
Then Jang Wooseong turned his head and kept his distance. He cleared his throat awkwardly, as if he’d run into someone he felt uncomfortable around, then said to a gang member standing guard down the alley, “Are you not keeping your eyes peeled?” I suddenly felt a distance between us.
“Wooseong, is there something you want to say?”
“Uh? No, sir. Nothing to say.”
“Then why are you acting so awkward? Making me feel this distance.”
Honestly, it didn’t matter much. I wasn’t particularly affectionate either, and besides the boss, I hated talking to gangsters. But Jang Wooseong was around my age, and seeing him struggling all the way here in Seoul, I just wanted to say something nice.
“Distance? No, sir, absolutely not.”
Seeing him wave his hand dismissively, I figured it must be difficult for him. Walking side-by-side with the person who was not only sleeping with his boss for months but also talking about love and devotion must not be easy.
“It’s tough, isn’t it?”
I asked as nonchalantly and coolly as possible.
“No, sir. It’s fun, being on an expedition for a change.”
“This work isn’t fun, is it?”
“Why not? It’s not just beating people up. It requires using your brain, and when you do, it beats boxing.”
Ah, come to think of it, Wooseong was a former athlete. And athletes are strong in psychological warfare, more than anything.
“When Han Doopil told me we were going to Seoul, I didn’t know it would be this fun. I thought we’d just be digging up dirt on the Yankee, but who knew we’d be turning his main base upside down?”
Wooseong, having forgotten all about the awkwardness from earlier, started chattering again.
“The Seoul guys are nothing special. They’re just like the junkies back in Yeonsan. Blowing up balloons and sticking them up their asses, renovating run-down villas and goshiwons to make drugs.”
“If they’re the same, isn’t it boring?”
“Well, yes, they’re doing the same things, but who’s using the drugs is a different matter.”
He wasn’t wrong. I didn’t know who was using drugs back in Yeonsan, but in Seoul, a surprisingly diverse group of people were doing it.
“When we turned the Yankee’s office upside down, all sorts of people came out. It was hilarious to see all the people I’ve seen on TV owing money. Thanks to that, it was like watching a fun movie.”
It seemed Jang Wooseong had indeed seen something. He was the closest to the boss among the underlings, and the fact that Han Doopil called for him often meant he was probably a decent fighter.
“Don’t have too much fun.”
“Of course. Once this is over, I’m going straight back to Yeonsan. I have to attend to our Haengsunim.”
Jang Wooseong was humming a tune. He swaggered, saying to passing men, “Hey, asshole, watch your eyes,” and I realized his morals weren’t exactly normal either.
“Oh, thanks for helping me that day.”
Jang Wooseong, about to pick a fight with a random passerby, suddenly bowed his head respectfully in front of me.
“When, sir? Helping Haengsunim is a given.”
“That time. In the alleyway, the, uh, Jungpa moment.”
I hated even saying it. Just thinking about that time made me irritated, but if it wasn’t for Jang Wooseong’s help, my head would’ve been split open.
“Ah, that… I’m sorry I couldn’t help you more then.”
“From your perspective, you couldn’t have done more, could you?”
Wooseong stopped swaggering. Remembering that day, he suddenly furrowed his brow.
“Deokbae almost died that day, you know.”
“…What?”
“I was on day shift, and Deokbae was with Doopil hyung on night shift. But that crazy bastard, his eyes flipped, and he didn’t follow Haengsunim when you left. I’d just gone to the restroom… That crazy bastard, leaving Haengsunim alone like that.”
I was confused. Who was Deokbae, and what was this about day and night shifts?
“He told me not to let Haengsunim know, but we almost got caught. Did you not know, by any chance?”
My head spun. So, during the day, Jang Wooseong, and at night, this guy named Deokbae and Han Doopil had been secretly following and watching me, and because Deokbae hadn’t followed me properly, I almost ended up in that situation in the middle of the night.
I couldn’t help but chuckle. Of course, it wasn’t the first time the boss had someone follow and watch me. Han Doopil went in and out of Moment for debt collection and called me using that as an excuse, so it seemed like he’d assigned Han Doopil that role from the very beginning.
“How could I know? I was so busy trying to make a living, my head was about to explode.”
“We were worried because Haengsunim wasn’t eating well. When Haengsunim went out, we unlocked the motel room, filled the refrigerator, changed the sheets, and cranked up the heater. I wanted to deliver food to you every day, but I held myself back.”
“…What else did you do?”
“I picked up Haengsunim’s work clothes from the dry cleaner and hung them on the doorknob, and checked out the guys in the rooms next door. The day shift has a lot to do, but I felt bad because Haengsunim is so unassuming. You just left your money in the motel room, so a thief broke in once. I was making your bed when he just walked in? He saw me and pulled a knife, but I threw him off the third floor because I didn’t want to spill blood in your room, or in the hallway you’d walk through.”
My head involuntarily turned. I knew he wasn’t normal, but throwing a person from the third floor? He didn’t hesitate to penetrate a gay man in a club room, so I imagined he’d end up like the boss or Han Doopil when he got older.
“That’s stalking…”
“No way! I did it because I was worried about Haengsunim. You’re so pretty that it’s dangerous for you to be alone. Even now, those bastards are looking at you…”
No. They’re staring because you’re talking so loudly… I couldn’t say that. And it was stalking, and I couldn’t tell the boss not to do that again either.
I turned down the alley and headed towards my usual bakery. As I breathed in the fragrant aroma of drip coffee, the clerk greeted me. I was loading a tray with handmade cakes and cookies, a welcome change from franchise fare, when my phone rang.
I clicked the screen and heard the boss’s voice.
—Sunjung, do you like the smell of coffee?
The boss seemed to know I was inside the bakery. That meant he was nearby, so I looked around, and his voice came again.
—I’ll have iced. You?
“…Hot mocha for me.”
—Okay, then order two, and send the rest out with Wooseong.
“Yes, I understand.”
I went to the counter, ordered the coffees, and paid for a pile of cakes and bread, then handed them to Wooseong. As I was telling him to share them, the boss walked in with the jingle of the bell.
Tall and imposing, even in the middle of winter, he wore a shirt with a flamboyant Versace pattern, making him stand out even in Seoul. His swaggering smile was exceptionally handsome, and people in the store were glancing at him.
“Boss, I’ll be going now.”
“Baekil’s hungry.”
“I’ll fly there!”
Wooseong dashed out of the store. The boss placed the two coffees that had just come out on a tray. We went to a window seat, and he sat next to me, not across.
Two men, one of whom was large and imposing, sitting next to a relatively delicate-looking man like me, naturally drew attention. The boss, without cursing or speaking loudly, still drew all the attention around him, and I was now somewhat used to it.
Even when he reached out and wrapped his arm around my waist, even when he grinned and asked, “Did you miss me?” I wasn’t particularly flustered anymore.
“I saw you off this morning and we video chatted, so why would I miss you already?”
I took a sip of the soft foam. The fragrant coffee aroma mixed with the melting cocoa powder. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d tasted something so good.
“Damn expensive, this place.”
“The coffee is good.”
“My dick would be good too.”
“…We’re in public…”
“What’s different about being in public?”
“…There are kids in school uniforms over there…”
I glanced around and then glared at the boss. I gave him a slight glare to tell him not to go any further, and he grinned.
“Sunjung, what do you want to do today?”
I blinked, surprised. The boss hadn’t slept properly since arriving in Seoul. He went out as soon as he woke up and came back in the wee hours of the morning, and even when he stopped by the hotel during the day like this, he never stayed for more than an hour.
“Do what? Aren’t you busy?”
“I want to try a normal date. You said that’s your style, Sunjung.”
I had said something like that once. I’d said that despite being a host, I wanted a normal relationship like other guys in their mid-20s. I liked old-school vibes, hanging out at hip places all day, watching late-night movies, and browsing pop-up stores. But that was me before I met the boss.
“It’s okay. I’m perfectly happy now.”
“But we’re in Seoul for a change, so I have to cater to Sunjung’s mood. You’re not going to sulk if we don’t just have sex while looking down at the city, are you?”
The word ‘sulk’ almost made me spit out my coffee. It didn’t suit me, and hearing it from him made it even more incongruous.
“If you have the time, please get some rest. It’s already been ten days.”
“Sleep is for the dead. What, you don’t want to hang out with me? Am I too old?”
He was… old, but he wasn’t just any old man. He was a rich, well-endowed, handsome old man. And if he didn’t mention his age, he could easily pass for someone in his 30s.
“It’ll be boring if you hang out with me.”
“I find it fun just watching you fidget. Let’s go.”
The boss drove me himself. We ended up in Seongsu-dong.
“How did you know about this place?”
“Even a Yeonsan bumpkin knows a thing or two.”
Seeing the tall buildings and trendy streets made me smile. He must’ve searched online or asked his younger underlings. The boss, who cut off people’s hands and feet, was thinking about dating me. He suddenly seemed so adorable.
“Why are you smiling?”
“Because I’m happy.”
“You told me to go to sleep after saying you’d be happy like this?”
The boss skillfully parked the car. Even his car fit perfectly in the trendy Seongsu-dong streets. The boss, too, looked great here. He stood out among the well-dressed people. His looks, wealth, temper, charisma…
“Where do you want to go?”
Snapping out of my thoughts, I searched my memory. This area changed so fast, and it had been a long time since I’d come here during the day.
“Let’s just walk around and grab something to eat?”
“Nothing you want to buy?”
“Not really, but…”
I held the boss’s wallet. It was full of cash and contained a black card.
“Is there anything you want to buy, boss?”
I said, shaking the wallet.
“I can buy it all for you.”
I grinned, and the corners of the boss’s mouth lifted slightly. It was surprisingly fun showing off with the boss’s money.
“You said I could even buy a house with this card.”
Not just a house. I could buy a car, take over real estate, and even own the card’s owner, Joo Geonwoo.
“You’re chattering, so I guess you’re feeling better.”
I grinned and stood beside him.
We walked through Seongsu-dong. We passed cafe streets with red walls covered in graffiti and peeked into newly opened stores. We window-shopped and went inside to pick out things we needed.
I felt good the entire time we were shopping. The spaces filled with young and stylish people were much nicer than I’d expected. Unlike when I was waiting for the boss alone in the hotel room, a sense of liberation washed over me, and it was fun buying things to decorate the house we would live in together.
This is a mat for the bathroom in our bedroom. This is a lamp to place next to the window shade. I picked out a bunch of socks in trendy colors and tea for us to drink together. The boss didn’t stop me from buying anything.
Even when I was choosing air fresheners, he told me to buy them all, and the boss’s magically bottomless wallet was a stress reliever in itself. I shopped like someone relieving stress, buying things and moving from store to store. After a while, I came to my senses and realized the boss’s hands were full of shopping bags. I’d been spending money like a crazy person without realizing how much time had passed.
“Are, are you hungry?”
At my embarrassed question, the boss chuckled.
“I do need a hand free to smoke.”
“Shall we go in there? It’s a handmade burger place…”
As I spoke, I realized it was full of couples in their 20s. The customers at the entrance were all dressed in baggy jeans and trendy styles.
“…If we go a little further, there’s a tteokgalbi place. It’s famous too…”
Then the boss jerked his chin towards the building behind me. I turned around and saw a luxury brand pop-up store. The three-story building’s flamboyant exterior was extravagantly luxurious, with white flower shapes decorating the entire facade.
“Isn’t that a women’s brand?”
“That’s the point.”
The boss walked into the building across the street. Bodyguards opened the door, and a distinct perfume scent wafted out. The boss set down the shopping bags and called for the manager. A woman hurried over, and the boss placed an order.
The manager, with a bright smile, led us to a private room. As we entered, someone came in with a gold suitcase full of something.
Handbags and women’s dresses – they seemed to be spring new arrivals, all in bright colors.
“What is this?”
“Pick out something you think looks good.”
“What for?”
“Something a beautiful middle-aged woman would like.”
The words “middle-aged woman” gave me a clue. It meant the boss’s mother or aunt. He wanted me to choose gifts for them.
Just like when he bought me a watch for our 30-day anniversary, the boss wasn’t the type to openly express affection but preferred giving surprising gifts.
He took me on a normal date to a hip place, let me pick out things he probably wouldn’t even find appealing, and now he was thinking about his aunt and mother. This man would be surprisingly loved if he ever got married.
“So, price doesn’t matter?”
“Pick whatever you like.”
Knowing quality when I saw it, I stood up. A tweed jacket and matching skirt were quite stylish and beautiful. Of course, they didn’t suit the aunt with her sharp, upturned eyes. This was definitely for the boss’s mother. I chose a bag to go with the dress.
For the aunt, I chose a blouse with flamboyant colors and patterns, along with a short skirt and sneakers with a prominent logo.
While they were being wrapped, the boss finished paying. We came out with our hands full of shopping bags, and I started feeling hungry.
“Is there anything you want to eat? There’s a good restaurant nearby.”
I asked as we got in the car, but the boss didn’t answer. Wondering what was wrong, I turned to him, and he slowly spoke, his hands on the steering wheel.
“Sunjung, there’s something I need to take care of.”
“Take care of?”
“Yeah. So that I can live with you without any regrets.”
It was a little hard to understand. I needed more explanation, but Seoul’s afternoon traffic was terrible. The boss cursed about half a dozen times, honked the horn, rolled down the window, and yelled at other drivers, leaving me no room to ask questions.
After being stuck in traffic for over 40 minutes, we entered an unfamiliar alley. It was a residential area on a slight incline, with an elementary school, a supermarket, and monotonous buildings lined up after we passed the community center.
“Where are we?”
“The place where Lee Soyoon’s past is buried.”
My eyes widened involuntarily. I had never been to this neighborhood in my life, and it had nothing to do with my past. Ever since I moved to Seoul, I’d always lived in poor neighborhoods, and the last place I lived was also a cramped apartment complex.
“My past?”
“Yeah. The past that Lee Soyoon wasn’t even curious about.”
The boss’s words were difficult to understand today. The sudden date proposal, and now this… was it a special day?
“If it’s a past I wasn’t curious about…”
The car smoothly climbed the hill and stopped in front of a building. It was a two-story building, and the first thing I saw was a sign that read “Anna Piano.” Below it was an ordinary-looking snack bar with an orange vinyl cover. Every time someone went in or out, I could glimpse the simmering fish cakes and red tteokbokki inside.
I rolled down the car window. The smell of tteokbokki wafted in with the cold air. I heard a woman’s voice from inside the snack bar, seemingly calling someone back, and then the faint sound of a piano playing. It was a clumsy, out-of-tune rendition of Czerny or something similar.
“It was surprisingly easy. It was incredibly close.”
“…….”
“The two of you were close enough that you didn’t have to bury it.”
Two of us… didn’t have to bury it…
I didn’t understand. I felt dizzy. And then, like something surfacing from the depths of my consciousness, I suddenly wanted to see the smiling woman’s face.
Then, as another customer entered, the woman’s voice came through. She was busy. She seemed to be running the place alone, serving customers and packing tteokbokki orders.
“Welcome.”
I couldn’t lift my head at the welcoming voice.
“It’s cold. Are you eating in or taking out?”
The woman’s voice was right next to me. She was stirring tteokbokki, then put some fish cakes on a small plate and carried it to a table.
“Eating in.”
“Okay. What can I get for you?”
“…Tteokbokki and… fish cakes, please.”
“Have a seat. Water and forks are self-serve.”
The woman was friendly without being overbearing. It was the kind of friendliness that was essential for running a small neighborhood snack bar like this. To get kids to buy her food, she had to make it sweet and cheap, and serve generous portions.
I took a seat at a table. I sat with my back to the door, unable to face the woman. A moment later, she placed two fish cakes and a plate of tteokbokki on the table. The steaming tteokbokki had no scallions.
“Let me know if you need anything.”
I had to see her face, but I couldn’t turn my head. As she brushed past me, I almost flinched. Such an ordinary, casual touch felt incredibly strange. And at the same time, realizing it was the touch I had longed for, tears welled up in my eyes.
Yes. The touch I’d wanted to feel. I’d always wondered what a mother’s embrace would feel like, what kind of sensation it would bring. Despite having held countless women in my arms, I could never imagine a mother. It was an unknown territory I had created for myself, a sacred space, a being I believed I would never meet until the day I died.
But now I had met her.
The encounter with my unknown past, as he had said. I was experiencing it now, and I had to face her, having come here down the path he had laid out.
Yet, I still couldn’t lift my head. I didn’t have the courage to see her face. I wasn’t confident I could cut away the unnecessary attachment, nor could I bring myself to say, “I’m your son.”
Tears streamed down my face. I quickly wiped them away. I took out a 10,000 won bill from my wallet and placed it on the table. The woman went into the kitchen for a moment. I glanced at the shopping bag on the chair across from me and stood up.
I hadn’t touched the food she made. As if trying to shake off the clinging smell of food, I pushed aside the vinyl curtain and went outside. The boss was still waiting for me. I tried to walk towards the car without looking back when I heard her voice.
“Excuse me, sir!”
I instinctively turned my head and froze.
“You left this!”
The woman had a wrinkled face. Her double-lidded eyes crinkled prettily as she called to me. As she approached, I could see her small head, rounded forehead, and arched eyebrows.
Now I knew who I resembled. I looked just like her. She was my birth mother.
“It looks expensive to just leave it…”
“Goodbye.”
I bowed my head.
I wouldn’t know what to do with this relationship. I would act as I pleased, visit her when I wanted to see her. If it all became too much, I would forget about her, and if I remembered again, I would appear out of the blue and see her.
I wouldn’t be the only one making this choice. Among those in the same situation as me, there must be others who made the same choice.
The woman called me again. I quickly got into the car. As the boss started the engine, the woman gestured towards me, about to chase after the car, but then hesitated. I could see her bewildered expression in the rearview mirror. Finally, she asked us to stop.
“Just a moment, please.”
I said, while crying. I got out of the car and approached her.
A grown man approaching her in tears, the woman looked up at me.
“This is for you.”
“…Yes?”
“Please take it.”
The woman was silent. The piano music started again.
The woman, looking at me crying, suddenly made a face like the sky was falling. She was crying with me, as if she’d forgotten how to breathe.
“I’ll be going now.”
I didn’t know my mother’s life. I didn’t know why she, who was supposedly from a well-off family, was working in this shabby snack bar. I didn’t know why she’d given up playing the piano so well and was now listening to the clumsy piano music from upstairs.
I didn’t know how she’d lived after giving birth to me, after abandoning me. My misfortune started with them, and they never took responsibility, but my life had been too difficult to resent them for it.
So I couldn’t smile. I turned around again, and the woman didn’t call out to me. It was only natural. I got in the car, and the boss didn’t start driving right away. It was his consideration for me and her, both silently crying. After crying for a long time, I spoke.
“It’s okay now. Let’s go.”
Only then did we start to leave the neighborhood.
The image of the woman crying lingered in my mind, and I returned to my own world without making any decision.
The boss became even busier after I saw the woman.
As if that day spent with me was a foreshadowing of how difficult it would be to even see his face, he came in while I was asleep, changed clothes, and left. I could tell what he was up to by the clothes he left behind.
The boss was overturning Colin’s operations and cleaning out all the establishments that had dealings with him. Using the past drug dealing in Marine City as a stepping stone, he was making it clear who the new boss was.
So even when I saw bloodstained shirts, I pretended not to notice. On days when he came back drenched, I put his clothes in a garbage bag and tied it tightly. Once, when I asked why he went to such extremes, he mentioned the name of someone I called Kalbang, whose real name was Bae-gil.
“Do you know why that guy and I last so long?”
“Because you’re a pervert?”
“I became a pervert after meeting you. There’s just one thing that guy and I have in common.”
I wondered what it could be, and the boss poked the two moles under my eye.
“Obsessive cleanliness.”
“……!”
“I only allow two blemishes on clean skin.”
The boss’s words were still difficult to decipher. It took me a while to understand what he meant.
He was saying he was originally a clean person, but he had two flaws: his personality and his sexual proclivities. He was a psychopath, a crazy bastard, but he didn’t touch male prostitutes, and even though he did all sorts of bad things, he wouldn’t allow drug use in the establishments he managed.
It sounded unbelievable, but it was true. He was strangely particular about certain things. Even after ravishing me to the point of unconsciousness, he would always wash me and put me to bed.
He washed me, dressed me, and even picked out my clothes. If I didn’t wear the clothes he chose, he’d furrow his brow and make me change. If I tried to walk to the bathroom to wash myself after sex, he’d carry me as if he’d break my legs.
And the strange thing was, it didn’t end there. I wondered if there was ever a time when the boss had intended to keep my phone from me. He gave me a lot of freedom. He allowed me to go out without permission, go to PC rooms, wander around department stores and supermarkets, and even go to Hongdae or sing karaoke for an hour whenever I felt like it.
The only issue was that I felt bad for his men (Jang Wooseong and the unnamed uncle) who had to follow me around, but he didn’t impose any other restrictions.
So, today, I went to the department store, bought him some shirts and underwear, and obediently returned to the hotel with Jang Wooseong. Knowing the boss would come in after I fell asleep, change clothes, and leave, I texted him, [Are you eating before doing bad things?]. He called me right away.
—Did Sunjung have fun?
“I had fun spending your money, boss.”
—Keep having fun spending it. I didn’t do many bad things today. No more arms to cut off.
Did that mean I might be able to see him?
“So, are you coming back early today?”
—Why? Do you miss me?
“Of course, I miss you. It’s been five days already. You saw my face, but I haven’t seen yours.”
The boss chuckled over the phone. Kalbang and Doopil must’ve been with him because I heard their usual vulgar banter.
—I’ve been sucking your pussy and dick while you were sleeping.
“…You’re joking, right?”
—I can’t live a day without tasting Sunjung’s sweet pussy. You know I run on your pussy juice.
Ugh… this foul-mouthed bastard.
My urge to tell him to come back quickly because I missed him vanished.
“…I’m going to sleep. Don’t wake me up.”
I almost hung up on him but refrained. The boss and the two men laughed, and then someone said, “Boss, you’re gonna get dumped! Hurry up and go inside!” Kalbang said he was going to go enjoy a “titty fuck” since it had been a while, and then the boss, still chuckling, said,
—Sunjung, let’s go look at houses.
I froze, about to hang up.
“Houses?”
—Yeah. I need a house in Seoul to live with you.
He was right. Considering what he was involved in right now, things wouldn’t be resolved quickly. Even if Marine City opened, the boss would have to stay here for a while.
“When are you going back to Yeonsan?”
—Why? Do you want to go back?
“Not really, I was just wondering how long we’d be here.”
I didn’t miss Yeonsan. There was no one I missed, nothing I needed to take care of there. But if the boss, whose main base of operations was in Yeonsan, was seriously considering moving to Seoul, I wanted to find and create things to do here.
—I’ll go back when Soyoon tells me to.
“So, you’ll stay if I tell you to?”
—Well, I can live away from my hometown.
“But you have a lot going on in Yeonsan.”
—I’m the youngest son of the Mujin clan.
“What?”
—My old man favors me the most.
Ah… I finally understood what he meant. Even if the boss wasn’t in Yeonsan, things would run smoothly. As long as the Mujin clan’s chairman was alive and kicking, nothing would go wrong.
—So, you don’t want to look at houses?
Of course, I wanted to. I told him I did. The boss told me to come down, he was leaving right away.
He must’ve been in the Marine City building across the street because he was already waiting for me outside. Today, instead of his usual flamboyant Versace shirt, he was wearing a black turtleneck and a navy coat. His hair was swept to one side, revealing his forehead, making him look like a Hong Kong actor.
“Why, are you suddenly struck by my handsomeness?”
The boss was grinning as usual. He wasn’t smoking today, so his minty scent was stronger.
“Maybe it’s because I haven’t seen you in days.”
“The way you emphasize ‘days’ makes me think we should have a quickie in the car.”
The boss chuckled and pulled me into his coat. As I nestled against his chest, he said,
“Sunjung, look up.”
I obediently lifted my head. The boss looked at me like a child.
“Fuck, you’re so pretty. Should I start an idol business or something?”
I frowned, but he seemed somewhat serious, talking about how captivating my face would be on TV. He was right, he’d fallen for this face and was going crazy over it, so it was only a matter of time before I charmed everyone else. He rambled on about it as we got in the car.
The boss seemed to be in a good mood. It seemed like the Marine City issue was almost resolved. He was chatty, like a middle-aged man visiting a hostess bar, squeezing my hand and thigh, talking about where we should go and what we should do.
Maybe he was happy about buying a house.
Real estate was the most stable asset, and buying a house meant that the boss’s affairs were in order, so I quietly clung to him, matching his good mood.
But strangely, the road we were on looked familiar. The boss’s car climbed a steep hill, and I recognized the neighborhood. The corroded stairs, the 30-year-old villas, the black moldy walls—this was where I used to live. There were plenty of houses with peeling paint and “Demolition” signs, and restaurants, real estate offices, and even a hair salon with a ripped sofa left behind, looking like haunted houses.
There was the samgyeopsal restaurant where I used to eat with my grandmother, and the hair salon where she’d splurge on a perm every few months. The small park, built by the city, was now littered with cigarette butts and bottles.
This was the neighborhood where I lived with my grandmother. Down this road was the house where I lived. It was a cramped multi-family dwelling with a shared well, and across from our house lived a man with one leg. There was a woman who worked at a factory and her smart young son, who ate and slept at our house when she had night shifts. The one-legged man, despite his disability, had a booming voice and always took the side of his neighbors in arguments. And the Korean War veteran would buy fried chicken for everyone whenever he received his government allowance.
My grandmother was generous like that, living an upright life even when people called her son a freeloader.
As we reached the entrance, my throat tightened. My eyes stung. Ever since I saw that woman, my tear ducts seemed to have malfunctioned, bursting open at random moments. I cried in my sleep, and tears streamed down my face when I was alone in the empty room without the boss.
As if he knew, the boss took one hand off the steering wheel and pinched my cheek.
“Sunjung, you know you’re incredibly pretty when you cry?”
With tears in my eyes, I glared at him. The car was now navigating the corroded road and into the narrow alley.
“Is that why you’re making me cry on purpose?”
He removed his hand from my cheek and grinned.
“I can’t deny that. There have been many times I’ve held back from cumming just to see you cry. You know how tight your pussy gets when I hold back when I’m dying to cum? You’re a goddamn prodigy, you could break my dick off.”
Even now, the boss was shamelessly flirting. I stopped glaring and wiped away the tears with my sleeve.
Past the utility pole was the house where I lived with my grandmother. The old house I never left after moving from Daejeon to Seoul. The house I practically abandoned after my grandmother passed away.
I didn’t even pack properly, just grabbed a few of her belongings. I hadn’t lived in a proper house since then, so I didn’t even bother taking things like photo albums. I was careless, thinking the landlord would take care of it.
The car stopped, and the boss looked at me with his hands on the steering wheel. Even though his large imported car was blocking the narrow alley, no one complained. It seemed like very few people lived here now. There weren’t even any garbage bags under the utility pole. I was feeling the emptiness of the once-bustling neighborhood when he spoke.
“I’ve never lived in a house like this.”
“…….”
“I don’t really know what poverty is. My father, despite being a gangster, had a lot of money. He threw it all at his wives. His third wife was beautiful and smart. She took the money he earned by beating, stabbing, and cutting people, cleaned it meticulously, and funneled it into my father’s business. His other wives whined and constantly checked his whereabouts, but the third one didn’t care about him.”
“…….”
“Even when the first and second wives set fire to the house and tried to poison his child’s formula, she didn’t bat an eye. She never cried or clung to my father. And she didn’t run away. She raised the child well. The household prospered so much that the second wife even came to the third wife to borrow money.”
“…….”
“The most beautiful and intelligent girl at Yeonsan Commercial High School had only one flaw.”
I turned my head at the boss’s words. A cold evening wind blew, rustling the bare trees, and he continued.
“Me.”
“…….”
“Joo Gicheol’s fifth son. So much like his father that she couldn’t deny the bloodline. He dragged that twenty-year-old girl who’d just started working at the credit union to his villa and did that to her. Word spread like wildfire. Her grandfather went out to sea and never returned, and her grandmother, trying to leave Yeonsan with her mother, was hit by a car driven by my father. Her two older sisters were held captive and threatened by Joo Gicheol. She was pregnant.”
“…….”
“If there’s one thing Kim Hyemi wants to erase from her life, it’s me, the spitting image of Joo Gicheol.”
A child is innocent. If anyone was guilty, it was Joo Gicheol, the man who raped a young woman. Yet, the boss blamed himself.
“Her only child, she must have wished he resembled her, but he was the spitting image of that bastard Joo Gicheol. How disgusted she must have been. As he grew older, his actions and appearance became more and more like Joo Gicheol’s, heartless, beating, cutting, and slicing people.”
“…….”
“He acted like he was born without a conscience. In the end, he cut someone’s stomach open…”
I reached out to stop him. I covered the boss’s mouth, and his eyes spoke.
“Why, are you scared? Do I seem inhuman to you too?”
Of course, he was terrifying, disgusting, and the fact that he still mutilated people made my skin crawl, but that wasn’t all there was to him. His cruelty wasn’t the only thing that defined him. There were other sides to Joo Geonwoo, and his peculiar kind of devotion had won me over.
“What are you trying to say?”
“That such lives exist. Even if you’re born rich, you can still be treated like an animal.”
Just then, the old gate opened, and a man in sweatpants came out. It was the landlord’s son, lighting a cigarette.
“That guy probably thinks he’s the most unfortunate person in the world.”
Indeed, the man had been a shut-in gamer, and he didn’t seem much different now.
“Misfortune takes different forms, but it’s the same for everyone.”
“…….”
“It’s all about how you deal with it. Whether you rise above it, or get crushed by it and die a miserable death. That’s the only difference.”
He wasn’t wrong. He was someone who rose above misfortune, and now I had to follow suit.
The boss opened the car door. As he stepped out, a cold gust of wind hit my face. I followed him out, and the man at the door, seeing us, quickly put out his cigarette.
“Oh, you’ve arrived.”
The man seemed to know the boss. As if he’d been expecting us, he shuffled inside in his slippers.
It had been six years. The houses had aged further, and the soft ground in the yard was sunken. The old well was covered with an overturned plastic table, and the path to my old room was covered in mold.
“I took everything out of the attic after I got the call. The previous tenant said they just left it there because they couldn’t be bothered to throw the boxes away.”
I wondered what he meant when I saw the boss’s expensive shoes stepping on the ground. The door opened, revealing a crumbling sink. It seemed someone had been living here recently because there were water stains, and there was a small refrigerator.
The boss didn’t even flinch. Standing in the narrow hallway, he didn’t look around. Despite coming here to buy the house, he walked inside as if he had no thoughts about its dilapidated state.
He ducked as he crossed the threshold. Seeing him standing tall inside, I felt tears welling up.
I followed him into the room and gasped. It was warm. Even though it was an empty room, the floor was heated, reminding me of the winter nights I spent huddled with my grandmother.
Even though he must have heard me gasp, the boss didn’t say anything. He checked the spots where the drawers and TV used to be, then reached out and pulled a box from the corner of the room.
Even though my tears blurred my vision, I recognized it instantly.
It was the box of albums and old belongings I had carelessly left behind.
My grandmother’s comb, hair tie, my awards and certificates from school, photo albums, yearbooks, an old CD player, my small notebook…
“There. This is what should be left behind. Should we call this a treasure hunt?”
The boss picked up an album. It was my childhood photo album with a small floral pattern. Pictures taken when we lived in Daejeon, in front of the hangover soup restaurant my grandmother ran.
“Look at that round forehead. Makes me want to smack it.”
The boss flipped through the plastic sleeves, his laughter growing with each photo.
“Sunjung, we should have a kid, don’t you think?”
He pointed at a picture of me as a child, bawling my eyes out while holding an ice cream cone.
“If we have a kid that looks like Lee Soyoon, I’ll spoil them rotten. Fuck. I’d give them my liver and gallbladder.”
The soles of my feet felt warm. The boss’s eyes, twinkling with amusement as he looked at my childhood photos, were filled with affection, as warm as the heated floor.
“Will you have a baby with me?”
I wiped my tears. When I told him not to be ridiculous, he tossed the album back into the box and turned to me.
“How about we start our newlywed life here? What do you think?”
His smiling face was strangely serious. It seemed like a joke, but also sincere.
“The room is so small we won’t be able to get away from each other. I’ll see Sunjung cooking as soon as I open the door. I can reach out and touch your warm body. We’ll spread and fold the blankets, eat at the small table, and I’ll feed you doenjang jjigae. Fuck. It’ll be like playing house. So much fun.”
The boss chuckled, his eyes crinkling, amused by his own words. How could two people, especially with the boss’s towering height, live and start a life in this tiny room? The walls were thin, so everyone would hear us having sex, and most importantly, the boss didn’t know what poverty was.
“The… floor is hot.”
“I can’t let Sunjung stay in a cold room.”
“…But no one even lives here.”
“What does it matter? I wouldn’t even let you sit on the floor because you’re too precious, let alone step foot in a cold room.”
The boss flicked my forehead. My eyes stung again, and I wanted to burst into tears.
“But… are you really going to buy this place?”
“Yeah. They gave me the building, so I should give you a house. It’s your first house in Seoul, it should be at least this good for you to call me your husband properly.”
The boss pressed his hand against the cracked wall. The wall, which looked like it could crumble at any moment, was definitely weaker than it was six years ago.
“This place was excluded from the redevelopment. They thought it was worthless because it’s small and off the main road. Plus, the tenants were difficult to deal with. What choice did I have? A gangster like me had to buy it.”
He said he’d buy the place and renovate it to his liking. He said he would build a good house here, keeping in mind my memories with my grandmother.
“That way, Lee Soyoon won’t have abandoned anything. No losses, nothing lost.”
“…….”
“Even if you abandoned this place, I bought it, so now it’s completely yours, Lee Soyoon.”
The boss, saying it was mine, had a grown-up look on his face. With his large frame and thoughtful demeanor, he quietly explained why he’d sought out this place.
I was speechless. How much did this man, Joo Geonwoo, have to fill me up to be satisfied?
He said that to him, devotion meant giving me everything I could possibly receive, but in his eyes, was I just full of deficiencies? Was that why he used the word ‘devotion’?
“Why do you keep giving me things?”
“I was born first. Think of it as the charm of an older man. And let me brag about having a wife, not just a fuck buddy. Okay?”
I laughed at the absurdity. Even without him saying it, he was overflowing with the charm of an older man, enough to drown me in it. He let me see my mother, whom I would never have known otherwise, and completely erased the tragic narrative of my life, the one where I abandoned this house and entered the world of the night, allowing me to rewrite it.
“What era is the term ‘fuck buddy’ from?”
“You don’t know ‘fuck buddy’?”
“Even if I did, I wouldn’t use it anymore.”
I grabbed the boss’s sleeve. Thinking of the warm floor as Joo Geonwoo, I suddenly felt a desire to live in this house with him.
“People will talk if two men live together. Are you okay with that?”
“Fuck, I don’t care what they say. I’m going to live with you.”
“I can’t give you children. You can’t bring children in from outside either.”
That was non-negotiable. I had no intention of raising children. But the boss’s reaction was unexpected.
“Ah, to make it absolutely clear? Well, alright.”
He nodded in agreement, then suddenly took out his phone and made a call.
“Yeah, bring the contract.”
Contract? I thought, as I heard footsteps approaching. Without even turning my head, I knew it was Han Doopil from his words, “Whoa, this place is tiny. Fatties are screwed.”
“They’re already acting all lovey-dovey before the wedding house is even built. Makes me sick to my stomach, watching them flirt. I need a bowl of hangover soup. This bachelor is gonna be lonely.”
Han Doopil flung open the door and handed over a contract.
“You should get married too.”
“Nah, how can a guy who breaks limbs for a living get married? What did women ever do to deserve that? I have a conscience.”
“So, you’re saying I’m not human?”
Considering he also mutilated people and had a lover almost twenty years younger than him, he did seem like a bastard who’d stepped outside the realm of humanity.
“That’s not what I meant! Just stamp your seal here. I’ll wait in the car.”
Han Doopil disappeared after handing over the contract. The boss waved it ostentatiously.
“What kind of contract is that?”
“Nothing much.”
He said it was nothing much, but he seemed quite serious.
“Even if you live another ten years, you won’t even be forty. That means I’ll be over fifty, approaching sixty. What if Sunjung, with his dick still working perfectly, decides to have a child with someone else?”
What was he talking about? Even after ten years, I would only be thirty-six. Where would I have a child with someone else?
“If you start demanding a child that looks like you before I get too old, I’ll go crazy and might end up killing you. We should prevent that from happening.”
I furrowed my brow, trying to focus on the document he was waving in front of me. As my vision narrowed, I could read the text. “Sperm bank, sperm donation, providing Lee Soyoon’s sperm to a third party…” My eyes, which had been tearing up just moments ago, widened.
“Wh, what is all this?”
Realistically, it was the boss who was more likely to cheat or sleep with other women. I was tied to him, constantly monitored. What? If I provided my sperm to a third party, I’d not only forfeit all my assets but also my body…
Crazy. He was truly crazy. A genuine lunatic. His social reasoning circuits must’ve been completely fried.
“What. I considered every possibility involving Lee Soyoon’s sperm.”
“Does that even make sense? And what about you, boss? What if you, unable to control your overflowing libido, have a relationship with another woman, get her pregnant, and even bring her home? What if you say you got bored of doing it with a guy and want to try something new, and start a family? Then what, can I cut off your dick and attach it to my arm?”
I also had a perfectly functioning dick. I only became a bottom after meeting the boss. Throughout my entire life, I’d never even glanced at another man.
This meant I knew how much men were driven by their lower bodies, and that I also possessed jealousy and possessiveness comparable to the boss.
“Have you ever seen a dick attached to an arm?”
“That’s not what I meant…”
“It looks really weird. The one I saw was from a black guy, cut off right at the base. Then they fill the inside with silicone and treat it with chemicals. They finely slice the skin of the dick and then place it on the arm where they’re going to attach it…”
Aaaaagh!
A silent scream tore through me. My inner cry was, “That’s not what I’m talking about!” but the boss continued, even demonstrating with his hands how a dick would be attached to an arm.
I snatched the contract from him. The room was still warm, and I quickly scanned the document. The further I read, the more serious it became. The clauses I’d seen earlier must have been a misunderstanding; they weren’t meant to provoke me.
On the contrary, it stated that if he were to suffer an accident or injury resulting in the loss of a body part, a certain percentage of Joo Geonwoo’s assets would be transferred to me, along with stocks and bonds in a specified format. And if he died early, it stated that for Lee Soyoon, who would have to live alone, they would freeze each other’s sperm.
If I wanted to raise his child, I could use his sperm. If I wanted my own child, I could use mine. If I wanted both, I could have both. The decision was mine.
In case of any legal issues, the verbal and written consent of both of Joo Geonwoo’s parents was included, implying that I should fight and win.
“What is this? A will?”
“Collateral. You’re giving me your body and your life, so I should give you something too.”
It was absurd. Even if we were definitely going to live together, it was too early for this.
“It’s like laying the groundwork for a good life together. And do you know why my mother stayed with that bastard, my old man?”
When I didn’t answer, he made a circle with his thumb and index finger.
“Money. Even when she was furious and wanted to stab him in the chest, she held back because he threw money at her.”
“…….”
“So, what choice do I have? I’m a gangster, so I have to hold onto you like this.”
The boss chuckled and neatly folded the contract, putting it inside my coat. Now, trapped within Joo Geonwoo’s peculiar devotion, with no desire to escape,
“I feel… spoiled.”
And no one but Joo Geonwoo could spoil me like this.
“I can’t do enough for you when I think of you as my own.”
“…….”
“I told you. You’re mine.”
He grinned as if it was the most natural thing in the world. His smile suddenly filled me with strength. My tear ducts, which had been malfunctioning since I met that woman, seemed to be returning to normal. I felt an inexplicable surge of energy.
“I’ll take better care of you when I’m older.”
“When? When I’m seventy?”
“I’ll protect you until you die. Trust me.”
I didn’t know how things would change. He might get stabbed again, or I might get stabbed because of my common-law relationship with him. We might die, become crippled. No one knew the future, and we might even break up.
But I couldn’t imagine a life without Joo Geonwoo.
He was a man with a serious lack of morals, constantly crossing lines, but he was offering me this kind of devotion, promising to spoil me for the rest of my life, and I believed him.
“I’ll really take care of you until you die. Trust me.”
The boss, watching me in the warm room, smiled. I smiled back, and he said,
“Yeah, I trust you, Sunjung.”