LCL 21

He had lived without caring much about what others said. And I didn’t try to explain the rumors about Lim Dae-han either. I wanted to be the only one who knew the real Lim Dae-han. I was greedy.

Senior Hyuna responded with an “I see,” almost like an exclamation. I answered “Yes,” while looking around the noisy auditorium. My eyes met with Park In-gong, who was munching on snacks in a corner.

Noticing that we were talking, Park In-gong’s eyes widened, and he approached us with a paper cup and a bottle of soju.

“Hello, noona~”

He greeted the senior. The senior snorted.

“What ‘noona’? Address me properly as senior.”

“Yes. I’m sorry.”

Park In-gong was intimidated by the voice that was close to scolding. He always needed to be scolded to come to his senses. Despite being scolded, Park In-gong brazenly said he would pour a drink, and I rolled my eyes at him.

Except for our group, everyone else was in high spirits. Especially where the older seniors were. Lim Dae-han was involuntarily at the center, but honestly, he fit in well there too. Senior Seong-hong’s voice was particularly loud.

“This is Lim Dae-han, he’s really something. I’m telling you, he’s so damn rude.”

Lim Dae-han received and drank the alcohol without changing his expression. He looked around occasionally, seeming uncomfortable. Park In-gong looked at the noisy group and then drank his alcohol. The complaints continued.

“Senior Seong-hong shouldn’t do that either. If he openly favors him like that, the other classmates won’t look at Lim Dae-han favorably.”

Senior Hyuna took Lim Dae-han’s side.

“Why? The freshmen all seem to like Lim Dae-han. You’re the only one who doesn’t like him. Oh, what about you, Young-hyun?”

“No. I… well, I’d like to become friends with him.”

The truth is, we’re close enough to stick together, but to others, we might seem more than just awkward – we might look like we don’t get along. Well, maybe that’s for the best. It’s better than receiving unnecessary suspicion.

“Ah, I don’t like him. He just seems to act tough for no reason.”

Park In-gong pouted and grumbled. I didn’t want to hear it. I gave him a jab too.

“If you dislike him that much, go tell him yourself.”

“Are you crazy? I don’t want to be marked any more than I already am.”

He seemed to still be bothered by being told off a few weeks ago when he asked Senior Seong-hong why he was discriminating so much. I felt a bit sorry for him, but originally, you shouldn’t say behind someone’s back what you can’t say to their face.

“Then don’t say it to us either. It’s not right.”

“Ki Young-hyun, are you some kind of noble? At times like this, you should comfort your friend’s bitter heart. Don’t you know about loving your classmates, loving your country? You petty bastard…”

I avoided eye contact, not wanting to engage with Park In-gong. Without realizing it, my gaze kept drifting towards Lim Dae-han. A senior who had graduated and I didn’t know why he was there, patted Lim Dae-han on the shoulder. He seemed to like Lim Dae-han too.

“Let’s go smoke. Dae-han, do you smoke?”

This senior was definitely less clingy than Senior Seong-hong, so Lim Dae-han responded more agreeably.

“I don’t smoke.”

“Why not? Try one.”

“My lungs are weak.”

“With that build?”

Lim Dae-han laughed at the senior’s joke. Indeed, he didn’t look weak at all. He could drink a lot, and there was a time when he smoked heavily.

Even when we first started dating, didn’t he keep sneaking out at every opportunity? Of course, he quit after our first kiss. But it’s almost funny to call it quitting. What kind of quitting is it in mid-April at age 20?

I try to think of Lim Dae-han’s past misdeeds or delinquency as if they never happened. Lim Dae-han wants that too. He wanted to forget those events from just a few years ago, dismissing them as immature memories. But there was someone else who was actually making embarrassing history.

“Seniors~”

Park In-gong, who was clearly next to me just a moment ago, was now wagging his tail at the seniors.

“I smoke. Please take me with you, seniors.”

I don’t want to say this about a friend, but Park In-gong is a bit disgusting. He wedged himself among the seniors who reluctantly took him along, unable to outright reject him despite their apparent distaste, and went to smoke together.

“…”

“…”

My eyes met with Lim Dae-han’s. As the seniors left in a group, Lim Dae-han, finally seeing an opportunity, prepared to come our way. Senior Hyuna cleared the space on the opposite side.

Lim Dae-han, without a moment’s hesitation, grabbed some of the chicken that only the seniors had been secretly eating. Then he turned directly towards us.

“Dae-han, come pour a drink for the professor.”

A student council senior stopped Lim Dae-han. This is too much. Isn’t this going too far? He’s just a freshman.

While it’s hard to know how well he’s regarded within the school, Lim Dae-han was called away to another place as soon as he tried to move.

“Yes, just a moment.”

Lim Dae-han answered briefly, then brought the chicken over to us. When I just raised my eyes without saying anything, Lim Dae-han said,

“The seniors said it’s okay. It’s still sealed.”

“Are you giving this to us to eat?”

Senior Hyuna asked with a voice tinged with laughter. Lim Dae-han’s gaze brushed past mine. He smiled.

“Yes.”

I turned my head toward the seniors without realizing it. I knew that look. It was the look of someone in love. A very deep love.

When I returned from the bathroom, our group had dispersed. Everyone had gone off to find their own circles. I didn’t want to drink anymore. It was boring and tedious.

I wasn’t in a good mood either. Probably since I saw Senior Hyuna’s eyes. I thought it might be a misunderstanding, but wasn’t it somewhat expected? Anyone who keeps Lim Dae-han close would fall in love.

That’s probably why the senior fell for Lim Dae-han too. The biggest problem with humans is that they can’t hide their feelings of love.

“Hah…”

I sighed. Without realizing it, I was looking for both Lim Dae-han and Senior Hyuna. But in this large auditorium, the two people who should stand out were nowhere to be seen.

Among the scattered groups, I only saw seniors and classmates tilting their glasses.

Where could the two of them have gone? I went out to the entrance and put on my shoes. The cool night breeze greeted me. I missed the fading cherry blossoms and spring.

Last spring, even though I was a student preparing for exams, I managed to go to the cherry blossom festival with Lim Dae-han and Jung Ji-pil. Although it was just a year ago, it feels like a distant memory. That’s because we’ve built up so many memories since then.

I think it’s inevitable that spring is passing, even if it’s regrettable. We can just welcome the coming summer.

I passed by department members smoking or chatting in groups, looking for Lim Dae-han and Senior Hyuna. They were nowhere to be seen.

Should I call Lim Dae-han? Barely grasping the surging courage, I headed to a corner of the yard. That’s when I heard voices from the darkness between buildings. It was Senior Hyuna.

“Dae-han, aren’t you bored inside? Everyone’s just drinking…”

“That’s why I came here.”

Lim Dae-han replied nonchalantly. As I listened to their conversation, I unconsciously pressed myself against the wall. The gravel stuck to the soles of my shoes bothered me.

Why am I hiding? And why are the two of them together in the dark? There are plenty of people smoking in the front yard, so why in such a dark place?

Click, a lighter flame rose. A slurred pronunciation followed.

“The seniors don’t know I smoke. But it’s a bit scary to come alone.”

I see. So that’s why they came to this dark place. I put my hands behind my back and leaned against the wall. I slightly moved my head to see the two of them.

They were sitting on plastic chairs. They were quite apart, but not completely distant. I shifted my gaze that had lingered for a moment.

I lifted my head to look at the sky. Stars twinkled in the night sky.

“Can I go now? I want to hang out with my classmates.”

Lim Dae-han spoke like a freshman. But the senior probably noticed. That he was uncomfortable being alone with her. Would she be hurt, or would she simply say okay?

One advantage of opposite-sex relationships is that they can express liking and affection more freely compared to same-sex relationships. The senior was like that too.

“It’s boring, stay with me for a while.”

I know Lim Dae-han won’t have other thoughts. But it was definitely different from high school. The world had broadened. Meeting various people, spending time with them. I met many people while taking classes.

They say most high school couples break up when they go to college. Jung Ji-pil would recite new stories every time we talked. Even the couples from high school all break up when they go to college. “You know those guys…?” he’d say. In the end, it was all just other people’s stories.

But I don’t want to break up with Lim Dae-han. I still like Lim Dae-han. I liked him more every day. It should be either familiar or exciting, but in my heart, both coexisted.

What would Lim Dae-han say? Would he say okay, or would he say no?

“No one’s going to say anything about you smoking. Just go to the yard and smoke. It’s too dark here.”

“That’s why I’m telling you to stay.” 

“I’m scared. It feels like ghosts might appear.”

Lim Dae-han spoke in a voice that didn’t sound scared at all. There was a hint of laughter. But it was a clear rejection. The cigarette smoke that had been leaking out held its breath. The senior laughed softly.

“Alright. Let’s just go back inside.”

Instead of conversation, the sound of gravel being stepped on was heard from where the two had been. I, hiding in the corner, shrank back. I shouldn’t be caught like this.

It was a situation that would look strange to anyone.

I hurriedly moved before they approached. I ran out, regardless of whether the gravel was stepped on or not. I ran into the nearest building. Looking around inside, it was the lodging where we had unpacked our bags.

“…”

Now I don’t even want to drink, should I just sleep since I’ve come in? It wasn’t a situation where I felt regretful about the night and alcohol. The MT was for 2 nights and 3 days anyway, and there were no scheduled events after this. The talent show was tomorrow, so today was just about drinking until passing out and falling asleep.

I took off my shoes and stepped inside. Since it hadn’t been two hours since the drinking party started, there was no one in the lodging. It was the perfect situation to fall asleep alone.

“My bag…”

Where was it? I pulled out my bag from among the carelessly piled luggage. It was placed unceremoniously in a corner. Since there was no one in the lodging anyway, I gathered my toiletries and even took a clean shower.

The weariness from rolling on the dirt all day washed away with the weak water pressure. I returned to the room, laid out the blanket neatly on the floor, and lay down. I settled in a corner to let others lie down comfortably.

Because the room was quiet, I could hear people’s voices from outside. The seniors’ playful curses could be heard. They laughed and chatted, drunk. Only I was excessively sober.

A couple of beers were all the alcohol I had drunk. My eyes closed. I thought I wouldn’t be able to sleep, but because I had been tired all day, drowsiness slowly crept in.

Not long after, the door to the lodging opened. I felt someone approaching but didn’t open my closed eyes.

Whether it was a senior or a classmate, I was going to pretend to be asleep. The chances of it being Lim Dae-han were low. Too many people were looking for him.

“Ki Young-hyun.”

A low voice resonated in the quiet room. Contrary to my resolution, I slowly opened my eyes. It was Lim Dae-han. He sat down, placing his bottom in front of me.

“Yeah.”

I answered briefly. Lim Dae-han bent his upper body. Looking around, he asked,

“Are you alone?”

“No one’s here.”

In the darkness, his build looked even bigger. Someone had asked if he played baseball. He had certainly developed since high school when he was called the butcher’s son.

He didn’t dress flashily like other newly twenty-year-olds, always wearing clean tracksuits. Anyone who saw him might think he was a physical education major. But it suited him well.

Lim Dae-han wasn’t poorly dressed. He was living in attire that suited him well. Although his hair was a bit longer than in high school, he still maintained short hair, sporty clothes, and subtle cologne. That was Lim Dae-han.

He seemed to have candy in his mouth, as one cheek was particularly bulging.

“What are you doing alone?”

Every time he spoke with a slurred pronunciation, the sound of candy hitting his teeth could be heard. Clack, clack.

“…I want to sleep.”

I deliberately rubbed my eyes. Pretending to be tired. I glanced at where my fingers had brushed. Would Lim Dae-han talk about Senior Hyuna?

Would he not mention it since nothing really happened? Considering he didn’t tell me about getting a girl’s number last time, he might just stay quiet this time too.

Am I curious? First of all, is it true that Senior Hyuna likes Lim Dae-han? Even this wasn’t certain. It could just be my misunderstanding.

I should have stopped Lim Dae-han when he said he was applying to the same department as me. A stupid regret followed. Maybe the senior was just treating Lim Dae-han comfortably like any junior. Even when they went to smoke, she might have taken him as an opposite-sex friend, not a same-sex friend. I’m overthinking for no reason.

I trust Lim Dae-han. I do trust him, but… trust and reality were different.

He said the reason he started to like me was when we did physical education together. There was no special reason. Love was originally something you fall into simply and lightly.

Before I knew it, I had fallen for Lim Dae-han. So, if Lim Dae-han spends time with the senior… I don’t want to think about it.

“…”

Lim Dae-han placed his hand on my cheek. He looked around, examining my expression. My grabbed cheek hurt, but I didn’t say anything.

“Are you drunk?”

He asked, caressing my cheek and jaw. I slowly shook my head.

“Then why are you trying to sleep already?”

His clear eyes focused on me even in the darkness. I bit my lip and then released it. An excuse followed.

“I’m sleepy… I didn’t drink much, but still. I’m tired.”

Lim Dae-han bent his upper body. He pressed his lips against mine silently. He whispered softly,

“Just lick the candy. Your breath smells of alcohol.”

I could hear the seniors making noise outside. Park In-gong’s high-pitched laughter was among them. We kissed amidst all that.