LCL 31

“Why don’t we fight?”

I blurted out my thoughts. Lim Dae-han, who was leisurely driving out of the complex, turned to look at me.

“Should we fight?”

I shrugged at his question.

“Just… We hardly ever fight.”

“You saw them fighting at your brothers’ place, huh.”

“Yeah. I thought I was going to die from the awkwardness… Oh, and my brother called Ye-jun hyung ‘honey’. I guess it’s become a habit. He even did it to me on the phone.”

“What did he say?”

“He said ‘honey’ would come straight after work. At first, I didn’t realize that ‘honey’ was Ye-jun hyung. My brother must be crazy. How can he say ‘honey’?”

Lim Dae-han nodded slowly. The car stopped at a red light. I also told him about how my brothers had decorated their house. Even though we hadn’t seen each other for just a few hours, I had so much I wanted to say.

He listened to what I was saying and smiled. It wasn’t even that funny. Somehow feeling like I was being teased, I narrowed my eyes. As I looked up with dissatisfied eyes, Lim Dae-han playfully spoke.

“Honey.”

“Huh?”

“Did you miss me?”

“What?”

What did I just hear?

I know he’s talking to me. But. The term ‘honey’ somehow feels overwhelming. It’s strange… When my parents called each other ‘honey’, it didn’t bother me at all. Even when my brother called Ye-jun hyung ‘honey’, I just felt uncomfortable but didn’t think much of it.

Was it burdensome?

Lim Dae-han and I are approaching our 2-year anniversary in just a few months, but from the start of our relationship, we never really gave off an overly affectionate or sweet vibe. It was more so because we met at a young age. We were clumsy with dating.

We even called each other Ki Young-hyun and Lim Dae-han. We addressed each other with stiff names that peers would use. We didn’t have affectionate terms like ‘Young-hyun-ah’ or ‘Dae-han-ah’.

I didn’t feel hurt or disappointed about that. Because we were certain that we liked each other.

“I’m asking if you missed me, honey.”

Lim Dae-han urged for an answer.

So, why was he doing this? I was so flustered that my jaw dropped and stared at him blankly. Lim Dae-han chuckled to himself, then pushed his finger into my open mouth and pulled it out. What was he doing in this situation? I frowned and wrinkled my nose.

“Oh my, how scary.”

Lim Dae-han pretended to be frightened. His narrowed eyes revealed his true feelings. Ah, how annoying. He’s not scared at all. Unlike my complex feelings, he continued driving as the light changed.

I glanced sideways at Lim Dae-han as he drove, looking straight ahead. He’s annoying, but I don’t dislike him. I scratched under my nose, feeling unnecessarily awkward. The words wouldn’t come out.

‘Honey.’

Both the unfamiliar term of endearment and the answer to whether I missed him. Instead, I fiddled with my fingers. It felt like someone was gripping my heart. Probably Lim Dae-han.

Do others date like this? A belated question arose.

Are we dating too childishly? Are my brothers used to these terms of endearment? When will we get used to it? I still find it too uncomfortable.

I moved my lips, then bit it down. I chewed on my rolled-in lower lip. I can answer the question. It’s my turn now.

“Lim Dae-han.”

“Yeah?”

“You asked if I missed you.”

I unnecessarily dragged out my words. I puffed up my cheeks like a balloon, watching Lim Dae-han quietly wait for my answer. I wish it would pop, but it didn’t.

“I missed you.”

I tried to act as nonchalant as possible. I didn’t know how many times I thought of Lim Dae-han while eating. While eating the well-cooked meat, I thought it would have been better if Lim Dae-han was here, this place was delicious, we should come together next time.

Even while clinking glasses with Ye-jun hyung, I thought it would have been nice if Lim Dae-han was drinking with us too. Because Lim Dae-han prefers this kind of restaurant over bars. It seems I thought of Lim Dae-han whenever I had a moment to think.

“I kept thinking about you. …I wanted to be with you.”

The timing was bad as we hit another red light. Lim Dae-han slowly stopped the car, matching the distance with the car in front. He gripped the steering wheel with both hands and rested his forehead on it.

I should have turned on some music. The ensuing silence felt uncomfortable, unlike usual, so I looked around. I could have just looked out the window, but I couldn’t. I was curious about what expression Lim Dae-han was making.

“…Show me your face.”

At my words, Lim Dae-han turned his head slightly. I couldn’t see his face properly. At best, I could see his profile and one eye. But I could still read his expression.

Lim Dae-han, who had been gripping the steering wheel tightly, reached out his hand. As I held his sturdy hand, he moved his thumb to stroke the back of my hand. It was a rough but affectionate touch.

“I wasn’t asking seriously, I was just joking.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. But when you answered sincerely, it’s too…”

“…Embarrassing?”

“Make me shy.”

Lim Dae-han rested his forehead on the steering wheel again. Lim Dae-han acting like this makes me feel shy too. I squeezed his hand tightly once before letting go.

The headlights of cars on the road, the red traffic light, the light leaking from buildings. A city so bright it doesn’t feel like night. Why isn’t the light changing?

Whether it was Lim Dae-han teasing or me responding more seriously than anyone else, why were we being so silly? I was quietly looking straight ahead when I burst out laughing without realizing it.

Hehe, it was a laugh that deserves more than just a scolding, but Lim Dae-han only laughed briefly along with me. Hearing his laughter, I finally looked out the window.

It was peaceful. No need to be mindful of others. When it was just the two of us, time flows so peacefully and calmly. A stable and relaxed relationship was possible. Why was I so conscious of others?

I knew the answer best. Because we didn’t live in this world alone. I wanted to take Lim Dae-han and run away to a deserted island. Was that too mean of a thought?

“Lim Dae-han.”

“Yes.”

He answers so diligently.

“Shall we go live on an island?”

At those words, his usual prompt response faltered, and he turned to look at me with a bewildered face.

“I thought you said you weren’t drunk.”

“I’m not drunk.”

“Close your eyes. I’ll wake you up when we get home.”

“No, I’m telling you I’m not drunk.”

“Honey, close your eyes.”

“Don’t call me honey!”

In the end, I shouted. Lim Dae-han held back his laughter. I looked at him with disapproving eyes, then leaned back comfortably and closed my eyes.

I’m really not drunk. Really not drunk. I couldn’t be drunk from just drinking a little alcohol.

* * *

Honestly, I didn’t think I would really fall asleep, but when I woke up, we were in the parking lot. I carelessly threw my shoes at the entrance and stepped into the house.

Walking down the hallway, I rubbed my sleep-laden eyes.. Lim Dae-han grabbed my shoulders with both hands and played train.

“Why is the car in front so slow?”

What am I supposed to do when I’m sleepy…

There’s no way I can shower right now. I crossed the living room, planning to roll around on the sofa for a bit. It seems Lim Dae-han came to me without even unpacking. I noticed his bag with its mouth wide open next to the table.

The clothes he wore while playing soccer were also carelessly thrown about. More than that, what caught my eye was the sports drink I had given him. The lone can on the coffee table looked somewhat pitiful.

“You didn’t drink the drink?”

Lim Dae-han nodded and touched his neck. Meanwhile, I sprawled out on the sofa, lying on my side. More precisely, facing the drink on the coffee table. I rested my cheek on my folded hands, using them as a pillow.

“The manager sunbae bought us something.”

“Manager?”

“Yeah.”

“Hyuna Sunbae, right?”

Lim Dae-han took off the cap he was wearing. His short hair was flattened from the cap. I reached out and grabbed the drink. I fiddled with the can.

The coldness had long since dissipated, leaving it lukewarm. I wonder how long it had been like this. It probably had been lukewarm even before Lim Dae-han picked up the drink. Spring was ending, and temperatures were rising.

In the coming summer, what will we look like?

I grabbed the can’s tab but couldn’t open it easily. I quickly pulled my hand away, like a mouse fleeing hastily lest it gets caught in a trap. Lim Dae-han, who had approached without me noticing, opened the drink and handed it to me.

“Sit up to drink.”

I sat up on the sofa in a butterfly position. I took the drink. The warmth from his palm lingered on the can’s surface.

“How did you know sunbae became the manager?”

“I ran into her earlier. She looked like she was carrying something heavy, so I helped her.”

I drank the beverage as I answered. The sports drink, no longer cold, tasted bad. It’s probably because it’s less sweet compared to other drinks.

I rested my hand holding the drink on my knee. I leaned back on the sofa.

“You should have stopped by. Park In-gong was there too.”

Lim Dae-han spoke casually. I wanted to do that too. But sunbae said there was no need, and it would have been silly to force help on someone who said they were fine.

Sunbae and I aren’t even that close. Well. Anyway, I got a call from hyung right after that. I shook my head, showing a slight smile.

“I got a call from hyung. So I couldn’t have gone anyway.”

“It would have been nice if you came to hang out.”

“You mean me?”

“Who else would I mean?”

Lim Dae-han answered softly with a dry laugh. I fiddled with the can. There’s no one else but me.

I know. I do know, but… Ah… I didn’t even drink that much, but my chest feels tight.

It was good when we were joking around in the car, but when school talk came up, my mood sank again. That’s why I drank faster than usual earlier.

That’s also why I got scolded by hyung. Because I gulped down beer like it was a soft drink right in front of him.

I scratched my throat. I tried to speak as if nothing was wrong. Pretending not to care, I shrugged my shoulders. Casually.

“It might have been uncomfortable if I was there. You could talk more comfortably with sunbae too.”

Lim Dae-han turned to look at me without answering. I avoided his gaze and soothed my mouth with the drink. I gulped it down just like when I was alone with hyung earlier. I put the suddenly emptied can down on the table. Clang, the empty can was noisy.

“Ki Young-hyun.”

Lim Dae-han called my name. I licked my dry lips and belatedly met his eyes. This time, my mouth feels sweet. I thought it wasn’t sweet earlier.

“What does that mean?”

I should say it’s nothing, but the denial wouldn’t come out easily. Why am I mulling this over in my mouth as if it’s something delicious? I let out a long sigh.

In the end, I shook my head and got up.

“I’m going to wash up first. You should shower too.”

I wonder if my personality is frustrating.

If I had to add an unnecessary reason, I think I’ve been like this since birth. But then Ki Young-han came along and made my timid personality even worse.

My brother would yell at me and constantly nag, but when I needed him, he’d appear from anywhere to help.

Before I could say something unpleasant to others, he’d show up like a ruffian on a white horse, speaking on my behalf and handling the situation. When there were problems, honestly, even if I had to hear him out, it was faster to have my brother help than my parents.

But I can’t consult my brother about relationships. Even after drenching myself from head to toe with cold water, I couldn’t organize my thoughts.

Instead, the alcohol wore off and I became completely sober. I think I acted foolishly towards Lim Dae-han. The embarrassment was all mine.

When I came out, Lim Dae-han was sitting on the sofa. He looked fresh, having showered faster than me. Next to him was a hair dryer plugged into the socket.

The large hair dryer looked like a fierce gun. It seemed like it might shoot me with a bang. Of course, it wouldn’t. Lim Dae-han pointed with his chin to the space between his legs under the sofa.

“Sit down. I’ll dry your hair.”

“You don’t have to…”

“You sometimes ask me to do it. You say you like it.”

That’s… what I said when I was acting cute after we had sex. When I was exhausted first due to the difference in stamina, I liked being pampered by him. Lim Dae-han really seemed like he’d fetch me the stars.

I’ve asked for strange things too. Buy me ice cream, apply lotion on my cheeks. And Lim Dae-han would do it all. Have I… ever done that for him? I should apply lotion for him later.

“Hurry, sit down.”

In the end, I sat between his legs. I hugged my knees. With the sound of the hair dryer, the wind poured out. I didn’t like the sound, but the temperature of the wind was comfortably warm.

It was cozy. Lim Dae-han gently ruffled my hair with his hands. He controlled his strength better than before. At first, it felt like my scalp would be torn off.