LCL 32

The gentle touch made me drowsy. I yawned silently and hunched my shoulders.

“Straighten your back.”

As soon as I curled up, Lim Dae-han tapped my shoulders with his knees. I’m sleepy. When I straightened my back, the warm wind tickled my skin.

I leaned against the sofa and rested my head on his thigh. He didn’t say anything even though the wet hair must be annoying. Lim Dae-han, who had been silently drying my hair, belatedly called my name.

“Ki Young-hyun.”

“Yeah?”

“I’m not uncomfortable talking with seniors even when you’re around. It’s not like I have any personal feelings, we’re just seniors and juniors, what’s there to be uncomfortable about?”

Lim Dae-han, you fool. It’s not seniors, it’s a senior. Senior Hyuna. I held my tongue, not wanting to reveal the childish emotion of jealousy.

“And if you don’t like it, I don’t have to participate in department activities. Honestly, not many people do anyway.”

Why does that statement sound so heavy? The feeling he’s conveying is heavy. Can I say something like this to Lim Dae-han? I don’t want to be isolated just because I’m in a relationship.

I was just an ordinary twenty-year-old who had graduated from high school a few months ago.

I love Lim Dae-han, but I’m scared to give him my everything. That’s why I wanted Lim Dae-han to be the same. That’s probably why I immediately agreed when Jung Ji-pil said something before we started school.

“Ah, I don’t know either.”

In the end, I languidly hugged Lim Dae-han’s calf. Lim Dae-han turned off the hair dryer. I rested my forehead on his knee. I really don’t know, honestly.

My heart was complex and confused. In the end, without even finishing drying my hair, I clumsily climbed onto the sofa. Droplets of water fell from the ends of my hair. Unlike his calm speech earlier, he seemed a bit flustered as he came into view.

“What don’t you know?”

“I don’t know. Just. I prefer being with you, but I like department life too. But. But, I don’t know. You being with the sunbae… I’m talking about Senior Hyuna here. Understand?”

“What about the sunbae?”

He looked genuinely clueless. How can he not know this? Is that possible? Just because he’s big like a bear, has he really turned into one?

His obliviousness is vexing. I pressed both hands against Lim Dae-han’s cheeks. Even with his cheeks squished, he still looked bewildered.

“I think Hyuna sunbae likes you, Lim Dae-han.”

I finally said it.

I was curious about what expression he’d make, but I couldn’t lift my head. I just stared at the leather sofa. A short hair had fallen on the sofa. I rolled it between my fingertips. Honestly, even I thought it was a childish thing to say, so I felt awkward facing him.

How will he react? Will he think I’m talking nonsense, or will he say he’s noticed it too? The probability of the latter was almost zero. If he had known, Lim Dae-han would have taken some action.

“……”

Contrary to my expectations, there was no response from Lim Dae-han. There was no denial, no excuse, no follow-up words. Time seemed to stretch endlessly today.

The day is long. I thought I’d be at school, then have dinner with my brothers, and spend a peaceful evening.

I finally raised my head to read his expression. Ah. It wasn’t that there was no reaction. It’s just… Lim Dae-han was looking at me with exasperated eyes. Lim Dae-han, with his brows deeply furrowed, spoke as soon as our eyes met.

“How could that be?”

Along with a not-unkind rebuke, a confident answer followed.

“The senior said she likes someone else, why would it be me?”

Just as I spent time with my classmates, Lim Dae-han spent time with his seniors. Moreover, he shared not only major classes but also elective classes with Senior Hyuna. This means they have a lot of time to be together and talk.

It’s natural and expected for young men and women to talk about dating. So they’ve had these conversations behind closed doors. The senior said she likes someone. Since Lim Dae-han has a partner… more comfortably…

But there’s a fact Lim Dae-han is overlooking. I was observing Lim Dae-han and Senior Hyuna from a third-party perspective, objectively. Not participating in the conversation, but standing one step, maybe two or three steps back.

That’s why I knew better. The senior was really in love with Lim Dae-han. Truly.

“Is it someone you know?”

“I’ve never really asked. I’m not interested.”

“……”

“It’s none of my business who she likes. It’s probably not someone I know anyway.”

Insensitive Lim Dae-han was hurting not just me but the senior too. The senior might have been hoping Lim Dae-han would ask. Or maybe she was too shy to say anything, contrary to how she appears.

It’s because it’s you, you fool. Watching him answer so nonchalantly while I was burning up inside made me feel suffocated. How can someone be this dense?

Suddenly, irritation welled up. I couldn’t control my expression. I rubbed my cheeks with my hands, trying to relax my muscles. Then, a beat late, I raised my eyes.

The hand that was caressing my cheek now wrapped around my nape. Only then did Lim Dae-han seem to read the atmosphere, cautiously gauging the situation. As if something was bothering him, he lightly licked his lips.

“Hey, Ki Young-hyun.”

He called out to me, reaching out his hand. He grabbed my wrist that was wrapped around my neck and pulled me. The gesture of pulling me in was a little forceful. But I knew the meaning behind this action.

It was Lim Dae-han’s unique way of trying to soothe me. Without a word, I let myself be pulled into his embrace. I felt a heavy, warm sigh against my ear. Dae-han held me in his arms, patting my back in a steady rhythm.

“Sunbae doesn’t care about me.”

What makes Dae-han so sure about this? Is it that people can’t see their own situation clearly?

I hadn’t realized that Dae-han had liked me since our first year of high school until he suddenly confessed in our second year. Until then, I hadn’t noticed anything.

That he liked me, that he had been watching me all along. That there were days when he liked me even more than usual. That he couldn’t even confess, holding onto his fragile pride.

“But if it makes you uncomfortable, I should distance myself, right?”

However, Dae-han gave me the answer I wanted. At least in words.

As always, there was quite a bit of strength in his comforting touch. Given our significant difference in build, it seemed he was trying to restrain himself, but it wasn’t easy. This was especially noticeable when he would suddenly pull me or engage in physical play.

Ah, Dae-han is strong, I would often think. Actually, it happened quite frequently.

The tension eased. As soon as I heard the answer I wanted, the anxiety that had been on edge melted away. It doesn’t seem good to express negative emotions towards each other while fighting.

I’d probably continue to be with Lim Dae-han like this in the future. Expressing my disappointment appropriately, and having someone receive it. Stable, like now. Without change.

As I regained stability in his arms, worries followed. In the heat of the moment, I had blurted out that Senior Hyuna liked him, but I was originally timid and easily scared.

And in the midst of that, I’m narrow-minded. That’s who I am. I swallowed hard. After breaking from his embrace, I replied in a small voice.

“It’s not exactly like that… If you suddenly grow apart, Hyuna sunbae might feel awkward too.”

“Then what should we do?”

That’s right. What was I saying we should do? This would make Lim Dae-han conscious of the sunbae. Haa… I bit my lip and let out a sigh.

I couldn’t say anything. In fact, there wasn’t really any solution.

“Should I handle it?”

Dae-han asked in a gentle voice. I don’t know either. As I remained silent, pressing my lips together, he tilted his head and met my eyes. He caressed my cheek and chin. Feeling somewhat shy and embarrassed, I lowered my gaze.

“Look at me.”

Only then did I slightly raise my eyes. As soon as our gazes met, Dae-han brought his nose close to mine and then moved away. Then he grinned. My reflection was visible in his dark eyes. They were the eyes of someone in love.

I had noticed Senior Hyuna’s feelings far too quickly. I read her expression in an instant. The senior often looked at Dae-han with the same eyes as mine. That’s why I could understand it so well. Because I was in love with Dae-han.

“Are you worried?”

I finally nodded at his question. I inhaled, watching his reaction. An unpleasant mischievousness crept onto his lips.

It was difficult to read his meaningful expression. Aren’t we in quite a serious situation right now? I frowned as I looked at him.

“Should I just tell the senior outright?”

“…Tell what?”

“That I’m dating Ki Young-hyun. That we’ve been dating since high school.”

“No!”

I screamed without realizing it. He must be crazy. This, above all, had to be kept secret. Do you know how gossip spreads like wildfire in university?

Even though the first semester hadn’t even ended, I already knew several secrets about the seniors. You have to keep this to yourself. That sunbae, that classmate did this and that.

I absolutely did not want to be the talk of the department. Absolutely not.

Dae-han played dumb. It was infuriating.

“Do you think sunbae is that narrow-minded? Ki Young-hyun, you’re really old-fashioned.”

I feel like I’ve heard this before… Anyway, that’s not the issue.

“It’s not that I don’t trust sunbae…”

“Why? It would make school life easier. The people who gossip…”

“Anyway, no. Absolutely not. Not that. You understand, right?”

I shook my head quickly. I looked up at Dae-han with anxious eyes. I knew he could keep a secret, and that he wouldn’t talk about us dating. But still, just in case.

You never know with people. Wasn’t Dae-han the type to do something if he said he would? I had to make sure he kept quiet. We were already trying to avoid being seen together too much, so why create unnecessary sparks?

“…”

Then a thought suddenly occurred to me. Did I just badmouth Senior Hyuna? Even if… we’re dating. It’s not like the senior had confessed to Dae-han.

I swallowed dryly. I clenched my fists. I struggled to raise the corners of my mouth. I filled my expression not with a smile, but with firm resolve.

Dae-han waited for me to speak. I lightly furrowed my brow. I exhaled a long breath that smelled of beer, then moved my lips.

“And… you can’t act like you know that Hyuna sunbae likes you.”

“…”

“Like… don’t say things like ‘Sunbae, do you like me?’ Okay?”

“Ah,” Dae-han let out a short exclamation. What do you mean ‘ah’, it’s obvious. I firmly instructed him to keep his mouth shut.

“…You absolutely must not mention that I told you this. Understand?”

“Oh, was I not supposed to say anything?”

“What?!”

“I was going to tell her. Ki Young-hyun said you like me, senior.”

“Don’t, seriously.”

I opened my eyes wide in shock, and only then did Lim Dae-han chuckle. It must have been a joke. A joke that sucks the life out of me. I tried hard to resist the urge to collapse on the floor, completely drained.

I silently nestled into Lim Dae-han’s arms. I buried my lips in his shoulder and whispered.

“Just pretend you didn’t hear it.”

“How can I pretend I didn’t hear when I heard everything?”

“Just. Just pretend you didn’t hear it.”

While I was repeatedly dropping my heart, picking it up, and clutching it, Lim Dae-han casually shrugged his shoulders and did a light stretch, rotating them once.

I raised my hand and gently massaged his shoulders. Was something wrong?

“Does your shoulder hurt?”

“It’s because I played soccer after a long time.”

“Should I give you a massage when we go inside?”

“Massage won’t do it, honey.”

That “honey” again.

“Don’t call me honey….”

“Then what should I call you?”

“Just call my name. It’s weird, that kind of thing.”

How do my brothers use terms like ‘honey’ and ‘darling’ so naturally? It’s strange. Just thinking about Lim Dae-han and me doing that gives me goosebumps. Lim Dae-han looked at me for a moment, then tilted his head to stretch his neck. Surprisingly, the conversation changed direction naturally.

“Instead of a massage, I’ll give you a back rub.”

“You don’t have an ounce of strength, you know.”

Couldn’t he speak a little more nicely?

“You always complain that your hands hurt when you give me a back rub.”

“…I won’t do that today. If you keep this up, should I not do it?”

In the end, I glared at Lim Dae-han. Does he think I’m someone who can’t control my strength and goes around releasing it everywhere like him? Despite my rebuke, Lim Dae-han got up from the sofa.

He crossed the living room, taking off his top. I clenched and unclenched my fist. It looks like I’ll end up giving a back rub in the middle of the night. Couldn’t I just put a pain relief patch on him…

As I watched his back heading excitedly towards the bedroom, my eyes shifted to the digital clock on the wall. This should resolve things well. There shouldn’t be anything else to worry about.

Well… today has been a long day.