LCL 37

I found myself looking at him without realizing. Dae-han, who was fiddling with his phone, answered half-heartedly.

“No. I wouldn’t try to hold onto them.”

“What?”

The person who asked, the person who answered, and the person who asked again were all different. A classmate asked, Dae-han answered, and I asked again.

We probably won’t break up, but why wouldn’t you try to keep me? If we were alone, I might have raised my voice without realizing, but with the blinking classmates present, I held back.

“If, if you like them, you should try to hold onto them. I guess you don’t… like them that much?”

I tried to act as nonchalant as possible, but it wasn’t easy. Dae-han put down his phone.

“I fucking love them, really.”

It wasn’t the moment to blush at the embarrassing confession.

“Then why wouldn’t you try to hold onto them?”

“Isn’t breaking up because they don’t like you anymore? Why try to hold onto someone who doesn’t like you?”

He answers so indifferently. I unknowingly put strength into my eyes. Dae-han drank his beer.

I let out a deep breath as if exhaling through my nose. I scratched the bridge of my nose. Suddenly, I remembered our tremendous crisis in our second year of high school. That incident when we were surrounded by layers of misunderstandings.

At that time, Dae-han Lim cried… The guy who cried saying he didn’t want to break up, now he’s not holding on?

“What about you, Young-hyun?”

My classmate asked, looking at me with puzzled eyes. I gulped down my beer. The intense carbonation and sharp alcohol soothed my queasy insides. I nodded.

“I’m not holding on either.”

“Why aren’t you holding on? Guess you didn’t like them that much?”

Lim Dae-han asked the same question I had asked. Don’t you realize I just copied what you said? Instead of answering, I glared at him. Dae-han noticed my expression and smiled.

What’s so funny? Annoyed, I just kept drinking beer instead of eating chicken. Whether Dae-han ordered cola and ice cups or put a glass full of carbonated cola in front of me, I didn’t care.

* * *

Night had fallen on campus too. I walked along, treading on darkness. Unlike the daytime, the night air was cool. My stomach was full from the chicken and beer. It should have been a perfect situation with nothing lacking, but I still felt uneasy.

It’s good that I parted ways with my classmates early. Since I wasn’t drunk, there was no need to go for second or third rounds. We said our goodbyes simply, ending with “See you in class.”

The problem was that Dae-han and I had to go home together. But I didn’t really… want to go with him.

“Let’s go together.”

“……”

“Ki Young-hyun.”

Dae-han leisurely followed behind me. Even though I walked as fast as I could, he could easily keep up. Despite being able to walk faster than me, he whined for me to match his pace from behind, which was especially annoying today.

“……”

How should I explain this feeling? Was I feeling hurt and upset?

‘No. I won’t keep them.’

‘Isn’t breaking up because they don’t like you anymore? Why try to keep someone who doesn’t like you?’

Lim Dae-han’s words kept echoing in my head. Maybe, just as I had, Dae-han might not have been sincere. There was a high chance he said that out of spite because I had taken out my frustrations on him.

And because I had also been rambling about whether I would keep holding on to them or not, I couldn’t really get angry.

But I didn’t feel good. Even if you don’t intend to break up, it would be nice to speak more kindly. They say a kind word can repay a debt of a thousand yang, but Dae-han had just incurred a debt of a thousand yang.

I wanted to turn around so badly, stand Dae-han in front of me, and ask, ‘Are you really not going to hold on to me?’ But I was afraid of seeming petty.

It was true that I was being narrow-minded, but… anyway. I didn’t want to act childishly over something so trivial.

The feeling that I should endure and the unsubsiding anger were separate things. As I walked briskly alone, I couldn’t hold back and stomped on the ground. I guess I was feeling annoyed after all.

I even apologized. But Lim Dae-han… Simultaneously, my wrist was grabbed. My body turned, pulled by the force on my wrist. Dae-han had somehow come close and was standing right behind me.

“……”

“……”

I opened my eyes wide in surprise. No matter how I looked at it, he was too strong. I just blinked silently.

Pain followed the force gripping my wrist. It felt like pressure.

“It hurts…”

As I muttered softly, frowning, the hand touching me moved away. Dae-han glanced at my wrist and stood still. After licking his lips, he finally spoke.

“Let’s go together. Why are you going alone?”

Instead of answering, I fiddled with my wrist. Dae-han exhaled with a “huff.”

“Did it hurt?”

I nodded at his question.

“Don’t use so much force… It hurts.”

Dae-han finally apologized briefly, saying “Sorry.”

To be honest, I’m weak for a guy. I wasn’t born incredibly short, but I was just naturally like that. I’m weak to heat and don’t know how to use strength well.

We already have a big difference in build, so how could he pull me like that? I wonder if there’s such a thing as a learning effect because only after being grabbed once did I match his pace.

The silent walk seemed endless. I wondered when we’d ever get home.

We had driven here, but since we each had a beer, we had no choice but to leave the car. Still, the night air was nice. While the area around the school was noisy, the campus was quiet.

It became even quieter and more serene as we moved towards the corner. There were no people in sight. Just me and Dae-han.

“Ki Young-hyun.”

“Yeah?”

“Were you trying to leave me behind and go alone?”

Dae-han suddenly asked as we were walking silently. I inhaled the air, which was humid but not unpleasant. Although I had walked ahead, I hadn’t intended to leave him behind.

Dae-han must think I’m acting strange today too. There was a lot I wanted to say. Like how some guy from the Business department had caught us together outside, or that we should be more careful, or why he had said he wouldn’t hold on during the drinking session…

But I couldn’t bring up any of it. Especially not about Moon Ji-woo. I guess even lovers can’t tell each other everything. I decided to try and handle it on my own first.

If he asks for money, I’ll report him to the police, and as for asking for my body… I know he wouldn’t. There aren’t that many men in the world who would want another man’s body.

If he’s going to blackmail me, money seems the most likely possibility. But why was he making such a fuss about me? I don’t even have money.

Belatedly, I turned my head towards Dae-han. He was silently waiting for my answer. He had somehow gotten a couple of steps ahead of me.

It seems he’s also deep in thought. Hmm… I drawled out my voice.

“What if…”

“Yeah?”

“If we break up, you really won’t try to keep me?”

I brought up a trivial issue, avoiding the biggest problem. Lim Dae-han reached out his hand towards me. Usually, I would have quickly scanned the surroundings and immediately grasped his hand, but not this time.

Instead, I approached him with light steps. I interlaced my fingers with his outstretched hand, then high-fived it away. Dae-han smiled silently. Thankfully, he didn’t embarrass me this time.

“Is that why you’re acting like this? Because of what I said at the drinking party earlier?”

“Well…”

“Were you so angry about that that you stomped your feet?”

“No, it’s not like that…”

“Looks like you’re still upset.”

As expected. He acted uncharacteristically picky, as if his words about having a tendency to hold grudges were true. What am I supposed to do… I even apologized and said I was sorry.

As I bit my lip, a lukewarm gaze came back. He scratched his neck and asked,

“What do I have to do to make you feel better?”

“I don’t know.”

Am I really not over it? I walked facing him to examine his expression. I wasn’t afraid of walking backwards. If there were any obstacles, Dae-han would let me know.

Reading his mind was the priority. It was hard to read his expression with the darkness under the brim of his cap. I tilted my head with my hands behind my back. Dae-han pretended not to notice.

“What are you looking at so intently?”

“I’m trying to see your expression. Are you really angry or not…?”

Dae-han stopped abruptly. He even took off his cap for me. Only then could I face his handsome face clearly.

I used to think he just looked scary, and he still does a bit… But less than before.

He doesn’t look angry. Earlier, he just seemed to be sulking. I pursed my lips and focused on reading his expression.

His eyebrows curved. Deep wrinkles formed between his brows. As he frowned, his handsome face became a mess.

He’s suddenly pretending to be angry. Oh, whatever. If this doesn’t work, I don’t know what will. Using the darkness as an excuse, I pulled Dae-han close. I gave him a kiss that made a “chu” sound.

“……”

Dae-han stared at me blankly. This is embarrassing… I don’t want to do this at school… I swallowed hard.

“I gave you a kiss, so stop being angry… I said I was sorry, didn’t I?”

“Hah…”

Dae-han, who let out a breath like a sigh, squeezed his eyes shut. Then he put his cap back on, pulling it down low. He took my hand again.

This time, he interlaced our fingers tightly so I couldn’t pull away like before. Even though it’s a secluded path…

“Hey-.”

I frowned and tried to free my hand. …But it wasn’t easy. We had different levels of strength to begin with. Dae-han must know this too.

“What’s the big deal? It’s night time.”

He spoke so casually. Looks like he’s not afraid of someone seeing us. After everything that happened, I was the only one being cautious.

You never know when and where there might be watching eyes. A kiss ends quickly, and if someone saw, I could make an excuse that I was removing dust from his eye, but holding hands while walking is a bit…

“What if someone sees?”

“Wear my cap.”

When I nagged out of worry, Dae-han took off the cap he was wearing and put it on my head. It pressed down on my hair. It smelled of the cologne Dae-han liked to wear. Just one cap wouldn’t make me, a man, look any different.

“Wearing a cap doesn’t hide the fact that I’m a man.”

“It’s fine because of our height differen-, ah.”

Dae-han couldn’t finish his sentence. Before he could complete it, I raised my leg and kicked his solid thigh with my shin.

“Ssss…”

Dae-han whined that it hurt. I endured and bore the pain that felt like my shinbone had broken.

I can assure you, my shin probably hurts more. But Dae-han crossed a line. Of all the things to mention, he had to bring up height.

Height isn’t a huge complex for me, but being surrounded by tall people, it sometimes bothers me. I often felt it when going out with Dae-han too. Honestly, I don’t want to be as tall as Dae-han. But I wish I were about 4 cm taller.

“Ow ow ow.”

Dae-han squeezed his eyes shut and swallowed a groan. He was exaggerating; I didn’t kick him that hard. After a brief pause, our hands separated.

I forcefully threw away the hand I was holding. I ran away quickly, putting distance between us. He won’t be able to chase me easily.

Dae-han isn’t good at running, and I am.

Dae-han, standing far away, clutched his thigh. In an awkward posture, he complained to me.

“How can you beat someone up like that…”

“I’m going first! I’m going to run, so don’t chase me!”

I yelled and started running. I thought we never fought and always got along well, but looking at it this way, that wasn’t entirely true. We weren’t exactly bickering, but Dae-han often teased me like this.

Of course, I didn’t take it lying down. If he teased me, I always fought back somehow. Dae-han called out to me from behind.

“Ki Young-hyun.”

I didn’t respond and ran excitedly through the night streets. I could hear his voice rambling behind me.

“You’ll grow to 178 cm. No, 180 cm. That’s enough. Hey, let’s go together. …Babe. My thigh hurts too much to walk.”

Call all you want. I’m not answering.