LCL 48

This time I really intended to pay. I was determined to follow Moon Ji-woo without complaint, even to a café where drinks cost over 10,000 won each. Really.

“I’ll enjoy it.”

But in the end, it was my role to say these words. I tried to quickly pay first, but it was hard to endure the cold stare as I held out my card at the counter. As it turned out, I ended up quietly putting my card away.

An iced Americano was placed in front of me. I didn’t normally drink coffee, but as I was getting it for free, I felt awkward choosing anything else, so I went with an Americano. Regardless of whether it would keep me awake or not, coffee tasted like water mixed with ashtray contents to me.

I cautiously brought the cup to my lips. I drank just enough to wet my throat. My face automatically scrunched up into a frown.

Damn, why do even people drink this stuff…

Despite needing to manage my expression, it wasn’t easy. As I forcefully pulled down the corners of my mouth, Moon Ji-woo giggled. I looked at him, unable to smooth out my frown. His fingertip pointed toward the coffee I was holding.

“Can’t drink coffee?”

“No, not really…”

“I see you can’t. You should have ordered something else.”

I picked it because coffee was the cheapest item on the menu. Even though I didn’t want to incur any more debt, I kept ending up doing so.

“Want to drink something else?”

I hurriedly waved my hand at Moon Ji-woo, who looked about ready to pull out his card and stand up again.

“No, no. It’s good to try coffee too.”

“If you really can’t drink it, just say so. I can buy you something else. I have lots of money from my part-time job. And nothing to spend it on.”

“Mm, thanks…”

I took another sip of coffee. The taste hadn’t grown on me after just two sips. I tried licking the coffee taste off my lips, but it was no use.

Hoo—I exhaled a dry breath. Maybe I should just go get some water.

“When does your girlfriend’s class end?”

“It’s an hour-long class, so…probably around 50 minutes past?”

“Ah. That’s just right then.”

I was grateful he asked in advance. Even though I had explained beforehand, if I were to say I had to leave in the middle of our conversation, who knows what he might say. Moon Ji-woo was like a time bomb that could go off at any given moment. I found myself being cautious around him without meaning to.

“Ji-woo, were you on your way back from a lecture?”

“Yeah, I had a major class. You?”

“Me too. We had a presentation today, and even though I wasn’t the one presenting, I felt nervous.”

“It’s like that at first. Later…if you really go crazy, you prepare from the day before.”

“No way.”

“It’s true. Did anyone go MIA?”

“Fortunately not, since we’re all in the same year. I heard other groups had some though.”

“You’re fortunate you got into a good group. There are so many backstabbers even among classmates in the same major.”

We had a normal conversation. Moon Ji-woo acted quite like a senior. I responded with “Ah-” and “I see” noncommittally every now and then.

I hope it just ends like this. Please, please. I didn’t show it openly, but I was begging on the inside.

Quite some time passed as we talked about this and that. It felt like walking on a thorny path, but time went by well enough. Unlike his sudden mood changes, Moon Ji-woo was good at keeping a conversation going.

“Young-hyun, are you planning to eat out for dinner?”

“We haven’t decided yet, but probably. We’re not really the type to cook. We usually eat out or order in…What about you?”

“Well. I’ll probably just chat with you like this for a bit and then go home. I don’t have any part-time work scheduled today.”

“Ah. I hope I’m not holding you back or anything like that.”

“You always pretend to be busy. If I don’t catch you like this, you won’t make time for me.”

“Yeah…”

Where did the Moon Ji-woo who opened the can lid for me go? I thought dealing with his quirky manner might be better than this. His sharp words jabbed at me, making me forget how to respond. To be honest, I wasn’t too good at responding in general.

If other friends had said I was pretending to be busy, I would have joked back saying “I’m actually busy” or “Am I that likable to you?” But I couldn’t do that with Moon Ji-woo.

I couldn’t predict how he would react if I said that. As I just fidgeted uncomfortably without saying anything, Moon Ji-woo’s eyes softened.

“I’m kidding. Young-hyun. You’re really serious, aren’t you?”

I smiled awkwardly, forcing the corners of my mouth up. I wanted to ask who was making me so serious, but I held that back too.

Instead, I sipped my coffee. I was picking up the cup so often that I thought I might actually get used to the taste. My throat kept feeling dry, though.

“Isn’t your part-time job…tough? I heard working at bars is really hard.”

“It’s okay. It gets busy, but the owner treats us well, buying us meals and taking care of us.”

“They sound like good people.”

“Yeah. They’re decent folks.”

To be honest, the continuing conversation was boring. I was wondering how long we’d have to keep this up when, as if on cue, a notification popped up on my phone on the table. I tried to glance at my phone discreetly but checked Moon Ji-woo’s reaction first.

Moon Ji-woo nodded once. Only after receiving that signal did I check my phone. Why do I have to be like this? Do I need to get permission every time we meet up?

Augh. Even Lim Dae-han doesn’t do this. Even that jerk Ki Yeong-han doesn’t act like this! 

Except during meals.

Lim Dae-han: [Where are you two going?]

Lim Dae-han: [You didn’t say you were going anywhere.]

.

.

.

Lim Dae-han: [Where?]

Messages from Lim Dae-han had been coming in for a while. I hadn’t seen the notifications, so I couldn’t reply, but another message just came in now. He should be in class now, so why was he contacting me?

Holding the phone tightly with both hands, I replied saying “café.” As soon as I sent it, the read receipt disappeared.

Lim Dae-han: [Which café?]

I obediently gave him the location. I didn’t put the phone down. It felt like I’d need permission again if I set it down.

I sent the café name along with a picture of the coffee I ordered. He’ll probably wonder why I’m drinking coffee, but whatever…

Anyway, if he was going to reply, he should do it quickly…Were there going to be more messages from him?

It was torture to just fiddle with my phone while sitting in front of a time bomb. I kept gripping and releasing the phone repeatedly.

“Young-hyun.”

I only raised my eyes at the voice calling me. Once again, the direction of his questions was aimed at me.

“Are you two going to the military together? You came to college together, right?”

“Ah…I’m not sure about the military, but we did come to college together.”

“When did you start dating?”

“We met when we were eighteen.”

“That’s a long time.”

“Yeah…well. Is it long? I’m not sure…”

It wasn’t that I didn’t want to talk about the military. Some of my classmates said they had already taken their physical exams. Lim Dae-han and I hadn’t yet, but we were planning to take them before the end of this semester or during summer break.

Unlike my brother who served in the Air Force, I was planning to enlist in the Army. To be honest, I hadn’t really looked into it properly. Some seniors who had recently returned to school occasionally mentioned it, but it still didn’t feel real to me, so I let it go in one ear and out the other.

Together.

I realized there was a way to go with Lim Dae-han. The joint enlistment system was well-established. I wondered if Lim Dae-han had thought about it. I fell into thought while waiting for his reply.

It might be nice to go together, but then again, I wasn’t so sure about that. While people generally liked Lim Dae-han, I occasionally, very occasionally, encountered people who disliked me. Usually, they found my personality disagreeable or something like that.

They would end up getting frustrated with my tendency to read the room and keep my mouth shut whenever I was intimidated. I understood their frustration, but was it really worth disliking me for…

The problem was that I didn’t know how to handle such people by being extra nice, so I just ended up being bullied if they decided to bully me. I didn’t want to show that side of myself to Lim Dae-han.

If we go together, Llim Dae-han would probably try to protect me, but since we’d both be low-ranking soldiers, he couldn’t shield me completely from the start. That sight would also be an eyesore to those who disliked me.

It was tiresome even to think about it. I simply shook my head.

“I haven’t thought about it. What about you? You haven’t gone yet, right?”

“Yeah. I’m planning to apply around the time our semester ends.”

“Have you had your physical yet?”

“Yeah. Grade 1.”

“Oh.”

Since it wasn’t really a topic I was interested in, I only responded lightly.

Lim Dae-han: [You’re getting along well with someone whose age you didn’t even know.]

A reply came from Lim Dae-han. The tone seemed sarcastic. He doesn’t usually express much emotion in his messages except for basic emoticons, so I couldn’t be sure what emotion he sent this message with.

But still…how should I reply?

My hand hesitated over the keypad. Before I could type a single letter, messages kept coming in. 

I unknowingly frowned.

So, you’re just doing this because you’re bored, right?

Lim Dae-han: [Why did you meet up?]

Me: [Just because he said he had some free time/]

Me: [Don’t you have class? Why are you on your phone lol]

I tried to send it jokingly. His persistent questioning made me uneasy. He didn’t act like this when he was with other people.

‘Lim Dae-han’

Instead of a reply, those three syllables of his name filled the screen. I was startled by the call that came without vibration.

“Ah, you scared me…”

I mumbled to myself, unable to answer the call. Moon Ji-woo, who was also on his phone, glanced up.

“You got a call. …Want to answer it?”

His expression wasn’t particularly pleasant. I was reluctant to answer the phone in front of someone who was already saying things just through messages. Furthermore, seeing his expression gradually worsen, I had to be more careful moving forward.

“No. I’m not going to answer.”

I pressed the reject button and chose an automatic message to send.

[Can I call you back later?]

Lim Dae-han: [Class ended.]

…Already?

It had only been 30 minutes since it started.

Lim Dae-han: [Professor said he’s sick and can’t continue.]

Lim Dae-han: [Where should we go?]

Lim Dae-han: [Answer the phone.]

Unable to reply to the flood of messages, I licked my lips. Moon Ji-woo tapped the table. It was true that I met him to kill time while waiting for Lim Dae-han to finish his lecture, but it felt awkward to say I had to leave when we hadn’t even been at the cafe for 30 minutes.

Of all times. If only I had bought the coffee, it might have been different. After sending a message to Lim Dae-han asking him not to call for a moment, I put my phone down on the sofa.

I took a deep breath. As usual, I discreetly looked around.

“Hey.”

“Yeah?”

“Is it okay to meet with Dae-han? He says his class ended early. …I think he’s coming this way.”

I rubbed my chin with the back of my finger as I waited for the other boy’s answer. Moon Ji-woo remained silent in his seat. After seeing him press his lips tightly, I lowered my head.

“I don’t like it. It’s uncomfortable.”

I couldn’t look Moon Ji-woo in the eye properly. I traced my nail over the small scratch on the table. The ice in the coffee I had drunk more than half of had mostly melted, with only pieces the size of a pinky nail floating around. …I wanted to immediately gulp it all down.

“Young-hyun.”

Only after Moon Ji-woo called me did I lift my head.

“Why are you making the situation so uncomfortable?”

“…”

“You may have had prior plans, but you agreed to spend this time with me. We came to the café because you said you had time before your lover’s lecture ended. So you should be focusing on me. I’d be more comfortable resting at home too, but I came out specially to talk with you. That’s why I bought the coffee. Don’t you understand my goodwill?”

I bit my lip at his cold, measured words. I didn’t know why hanging out  with Moon Ji-woo kept making me feel guilty.

Faced with this unfamiliar type of person, I struggled to figure out how to act in this type of situation.

Ah, this is unbearably uncomfortable. Even knowing about Lim Dae-han and me, it’s uncomfortable. I managed to squeeze out a “Yeah” in response. I left a message for Lim Dae-han.

Me: [Lim Dae-han, go home first. It’s a bit awkward to meet together.. I’ll contact you when I get home.]

Lim Dae-han: [Why is it awkward to meet together?]

Why was he acting like this today too? It was unfamiliar for Lim Dae-han to nitpick words, as that wasn’t his usual style. I didn’t like lying. Messages poured in one after another.

Lim Dae-han: [You’re still at that café, right?]

Lim Dae-han: [I won’t join you, but I’m coming there.]

My conclusion was that Moon Ji-woo seemed to be a bit selfish.

I usually tried not to form negative impressions of others. Everyone had their strengths and weaknesses after all.

But with Moon Ji-woo, honestly, I struggled to feel any positive emotions.

“What are you doing for your festival?”

Moon Ji-woo acted as if he had completely forgotten what happened just minutes ago. He didn’t seem to care whether my expression was good or not.

Instead of answering, I kept glancing over to one side. I couldn’t hear what he was saying.

My gaze eventually landed on Lim Dae-han, who had come to the café and was sitting in a corner seat. Thirty-seven minutes. I told Moon Ji-woo it ended around 50 minutes past, so did I need to sit here for about 10 more minutes?