LCL 50

“Does he know about us?”

“Yeah…”

“So he approached you knowing from the start.”

“Uh, probably…”

The entire walk to the parking lot to get the car was absolutely miserable. I realized it was the first time our steps were so out of sync. If I slowed my pace even a little due to shortness of breath, Lim Dae-han would stride far ahead.

“Lim Dae-han…can you walk a bit slower?”

When I finally asked him, panting, Lim Dae-han stopped abruptly in his tracks. Whatever he was thinking, he stood still without even looking back.

Only then could I stand beside him. We started walking again. Thanks to Lim Dae-han walking noticeably slower than before, our steps matched.

“But why didn’t you tell me about this?”

Lim Dae-han asked, looking straight ahead as we walked. Even though he must have felt me looking at him, our eyes didn’t end up meeting.

Why didn’t I tell him…? Because I didn’t think it was that serious of a situation in the first place.

I had planned to listen first and then decide, and honestly, I was going to tell Lim Dae-han later anyways. If the situation got complicated, I was thinking of asking my brother and Ye-jun hyung for help first.

I didn’t like Lim Dae-han worrying and getting angry, but thinking about it now, I might have been a bit scared to face him like that.

“I wasn’t sitting there because he bought me food. It’s just…I was worried he might go somewhere else and say weird things.”

“Who doesn’t know that?”

“I thought that you might misunderstand…”

“So you’ve been constantly blackmailed?”

“…No, that’s not it. It’s true that he asked to be friends.”

“Do you really want to be friends with someone like that?”

His rebuke made me stop in my tracks. I dropped my shoulders and let out a sigh. It was way more apparent now that Lim Dae-han and I had different personalities. Honestly, when Moon Ji-woo first said he had no friends and that he thought he could get close to me, I thought maybe we could get along well. In the end, that wasn’t the case.

“I didn’t think he was a bad person.”

“How is he not a bad person when he’s using our relationship to pick on you?”

I laid out excuses in response to his blatant sarcasm. It was true, but I knew Lim Dae-han would find it annoying to hear me agreeing with him.

“Just…he said that he also liked a boy when he was in high school. He said he was glad to see us together. He said he had no intention of blackmailing. I felt a bit comfortable because of that…”

“Hm.”

“But suddenly he made things uncomfortable. He started talking about his hardships even though we weren’t close…Well, that could happen, but then he suddenly got serious at weird moments…I was uncomfortable, so I was trying to cut ties and end things quickly.”

“Aish.”

Lim Dae-han let out an exasperated sigh. “I must look like an idiot even to you. I have nothing to say about that.”

“Just…that I was born this way. To put it nicely, I’m a kind person, but really, I’m just frustrating and foolish. My brother doesn’t try to control me for no reason. It’s because I might act stupidly without discernment.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you. Um…am I an idiot?”

“Why are you talking like that?”

“…I’m sorry.”

Somehow, it didn’t seem like this would be easily resolved. I often felt that Lim Dae-han and I had different personalities, but at times like this, I felt it even more.

Unlike Lim Dae-han who spoke his mind when he had something to say, I was timid and introverted. Even now, I was just watching Lim Dae-han’s reactions. I hesitated, not knowing how to act.

Just then, a voice full of excitement came from not too far away.

“Hey, Lim Dae-han!”

Of all the days, why did we have to run into the seniors today? I saw our department seniors like Senior Seong-hong, Senior Hyuna, and classmates in charge of the executive committee, probably on their way to a festival meeting.

Without even realizing it, I slightly slowed my pace. I bowed my head to the seniors I hadn’t met before, but Lim Dae-han didn’t even greet them. Senior Seong-hong, with his characteristic friendly manner, bounced over to us.

“Are you two heading home? We’re going to a meeting now. You should come too. I’ll make you the guests of honor.”

Senior Seong-hong approached in one stride and started pulling Lim Dae-han along. I knew he usually bothered Lim Dae-han like this, so this was his usual behavior. He must not have noticed Lim Dae-han’s unpleasant expression right then.

I made eye contact with senior Hyuna. As I bowed my head deeply in greeting, she slightly raised her hand in response.

“That’s enough. I want to go home.”

Lim Dae-han replied gruffly, but still, she was his senior, so he didn’t show much irritation. His face clearly showed annoyance, but just hearing his voice…it sounded like he was just in a bit of a bad mood. I was the only one rolling my eyes right then.

But senior Seong-hong was someone who couldn’t read the atmosphere, and in fact, he didn’t need to in front of his juniors. As usual, he persistently pestered Lim Dae-han.

“What’s this? Go on. Let’s go, Dae-han. Your seniors want to hang out with you, and you’re not going? There are even senior students here, get to know them and make friends. Or Young-hyun, you must come too. Try to persuade Dae-han…”

Senior Seong-hong turned toward me. I unconsciously leaned back as his arm reached out. Lim Dae-han glanced at me briefly before looking away. He broke the awkward silence with a fierce voice.

“I said I’m not interested, so why keep insisting? I’m not interested in whatever it is you do at the festival.”

It felt like we were back in high school again.

* * *

If we lived separately, I could have at least gone home alone. It would have been nice to organize my thoughts at home and then have a proper conversation. But since we lived together, I had no choice but to accompany him while holding onto my discomfort.

I couldn’t even look at Lim Dae-han as he drove, just staring out the window. It was a congested traffic section, so there was nothing to do but sit in the car. We didn’t talk as usual, nor did we fidget with our hands.

I wanted to start a conversation but didn’t know what to say, so I just clenched my jaw harder. Why had I lived feeling so intimidated all this time?

I clasped my hands together and scratched at the hangnail on the side of my thumb.

Lim Dae-han’s irritation had ruined the atmosphere. While the surprised senior Seong-hong was simply moving his lips around, Lim Dae-han just walked past everyone. I was the only one who bowed deeply to the seniors with wide eyes before following after him.

Today, I saw a lot of his high school self in him. While Lim Dae-han didn’t directly bully anyone in school, it was true that he and his friends often disrupted the vibe of the whole place.

Regardless of gender, they wore small and short uniforms, playing rough games at the back of the classroom or in the corridors. He often skipped classes, and when he was in the classroom, the atmosphere became chaotic.

Lim Dae-han’s mood often became the mood of the entire classroom. Even before I started dating him, I found it more comfortable when he wasn’t in the classroom. I didn’t dislike him, but when our eyes met from my corner seat, I felt unnecessarily intimidated.

The traffic light turned red and the car slowly came to a stop. The song that had been playing also ended. Thinking I would be unable to endure the unbearable silence, I had immediately reached for my phone.

Thankfully, thanks to the Bluetooth connected to my phone, I could play music as soon as we got inside the car.

Without the music on my phone, I’d probably have jumped out onto the 8-lane road and killed myself.

I needed to play a loud dance track. Just as I was urgently moving my fingers around…

“Ki Young-hyun.”

“…Yeah.”

My fingers hesitated. I couldn’t choose a song in the end. Lim Dae-han cleared his throat softly. I wasn’t the only one with a dry throat. When I let out a small sigh, he followed suit and exhaled deeply.

“I’m sorry.”

An apology came soon after.

“I wasn’t angry. But still, I’m sorry.”

I didn’t want to be childish, but I wanted to ask what he was sorry for. Not to gain the upper hand in a petty lover’s quarrel, but because I was genuinely curious about what Lim Dae-han was sorry for.

Lim Dae-han had helped me out of an awkward situation with Moon Ji-woo, so what did he have to be sorry about? Could I ask him this? I cautiously shifted my gaze toward him.

“…What are you sorry for?”

Lim Dae-han bit down on his lower lip. He faced forward again, then a beat later, met my eyes.

“For speaking as if I was irritated.”

“…”

“I know you’re easily scared, so I think I made the atmosphere unnecessarily tense.”

Honestly, I was scared. I had never thought he’d be harsh to me or the seniors, let alone Moon Ji-woo. Even without a response, Lim Dae-han slowly continued speaking.

“But I guess I got annoyed when that bastard talked like that.”

“…”

“Your parents, friends, and I don’t treat you that way. Of course, I’d get angry when some guy you’ve only known for a short time tries to jerk you around. That’s why I acted the way I did. I’m sorry. You must have been scared.”

Lim Dae-han reached out his hand toward me. I looked at his rough palm. The nerves in my facial muscles were on edge. I tried my best to act as if nothing was wrong.

“I wasn’t scared.”

“Really?”

“…Yeah.”

“Then hold my hand. It feels empty.”

I placed my hand on top of his palm. Lim Dae-han gently stroked the back of my hand with his thumb. His hand was more than warm, it was hot. Only then did he smile, lifting the corners of his mouth.

It didn’t seem like a situation to smile in. I wasn’t sure why he was smiling, but I could tell that I had given him some reassurance.

In the end, eating out was out of the question. We decided to have dinner at home. He sat down in a chair at the kitchen table and looked at his phone.

“What are you doing?”

I asked as I stretched out on the couch.

“I’m thinking about what to eat.”

He was so focused, and it turned out he was thinking about what to eat. Did he really have to think about that so hard? Isn’t there something more important right now?

I wanted to ask him if I shouldn’t call my seniors, but I held back. I buried my cheeks in the couch and checked my phone.

My phone, which had been silent the whole way home, was now full of messages. I bit my lip and sat up. I hesitantly opened it with my stubby fingers.

Moon Ji-woo: [Young-hyun]

Moon Ji-woo: [I’m sorry about earlier. I must have gotten carried away.]

Moon Ji-woo: [I didn’t mean to risk everything and tell anyone about you guys.]

Moon Ji-woo: [We’ve only known each other for a short time, but I don’t want us to drift apart like this, please contact me]

Moon Ji-woo: [I wasn’t even planning on taking that coffe money.]

Moon Ji-woo: [I just got worked up. I’m sorry.]

Moon Ji-woo: [I thought we got along well, I hope you felt the same.]

Moon Ji-woo: [Please call me, I’m begging you.]

I scrolled through the messages and rubbed the corners of my eyes with my palms. The desperate apologies made me feel weak, but I tried to control myself.

I didn’t know why I was doing this. I stared at the screen for a moment before I finally replied and hit the block button.

Me: [Sorry, I don’t want to hear from you ever again.]

Ha…I sighed. I turned my phone face down and put it away. Maybe he wouldn’t call me anymore. I leaned back against the back of the couch and tilted my head to the side.

His eyes flicked across the table, scanning the room. He was still shaking his head and looking at his phone, until he felt my gaze on him and looked up.

“What do you want to eat? Aren’t you hungry?”

I shook my head.

I dropped my head for a moment, then looked up again. The wind blew across his cheeks and he was waiting for an answer. He looked cute without knowing what was going on.

“Dae-han.”

“Uh.”

“Thanks for helping me out today when I was in trouble with Moon Ji-woo.”

“….”

A beat late in thanking him, Lim Dae-han rolled his eyes. I knew what that look meant: Nothing would come between us.

He wouldn’t think to take credit, nor feel the need to. I got up from my seat and headed to the dining table.

I snatched the cell phone from his hand and set it down. An unreadable face looked up at me.

He’s an idiot.

I thought to myself, squeezing between the table and him. I was skinny, but not small enough to squeeze through the narrow gap, so he scooted back to make room.

We sat face to face, my legs spread over his thighs. He didn’t bother to hide the smirk on his face, and he made a point of pointing out the bruises.

“What are you doing?”

“Because I’m grateful…”

He closed his eyes as if waiting for the next words. A flutter of his short lashes caused him to slowly open his eyes.

“Not that one.”

I tugged him in close and pressed our lips together. His lips that had been nibbling at my mine curved into a smile. Laughing while I’m kissing you? Feeling heated, I bit and tugged at his lower lip.

“Aha.”

It hurt. What came out was slurred and I clenched my teeth harder. I didn’t mean to bite my lip and I started to taste blood.

As I slowly pulled away, he opened his closed eyes. He read the panic on my face and grabbed me around the hips. He didn’t let me get away.

“You’re bleeding.”

“Uh…not much, just a little.”

“I told you to kiss me, and you bite your lip.”

I didn’t bite hard enough, but there was blood. He ran his tongue across my lower lip, but it quickly became sticky. I reached for a tissue to wipe it away, but he pulled me closer to him.

“Lick it.”

“It’s bleeding.”

“Yeah.”

“…That’s gross.”

“Hey, you’re the one who bit me.”

Lim Dae-han sobbed and blamed me. True. I did do it… But I didn’t mean the blood was gross.

“No, not your blood, me licking it is.”

“It’s okay. Hurry up.”

Lim Dae-han closed his eyes deeply, then opened them. In the end, I held onto his shoulders and licked his lips with my tongue. My brow furrowed involuntarily at the metallic taste.