LCL 71

We were always together, so I wasn’t used to being apart like this. Even though the time I didn’t know him was longer than the time I had known him, it felt strange being without him for so long.

“Ah…”

I let out a soft exclamation. Lim Dae-han stopped eating and furrowed his brow. Then he looked down at his rice bowl. Seeing me hesitate, he tried to soften his expression.

“I really… didn’t mean to not tell you.”

Lim Dae-han drank some water to clear his mouth. I bit down on my bottom lip and carefully spoke.

“I didn’t hide it. I just forgot to mention it…”

“You forgot that?”

“No, we can’t talk long on the phone…When we talk about ourselves, I keep forgetting. I would remember after hanging up.”

“You should have at least texted me.”

But I didn’t know much about what Lim Dae-han did with his parents either. I only knew they have a slaughterhouse business on the outskirts that served as headquarters, warehouse, and store.

I also knew they have franchise restaurants in busy areas, but that it didn’t really have anything to do with Lim Dae-han.

He never told me what kind of people he worked with or what he did there. Whenever I had the chance to ask, he would always brush it off saying, “Just doing family business, you know.”

I looked up at him quietly and Lim Dae-han raised an eyebrow. He licked his lips.

“Sorry.”

“I didn’t say that to hear an apology.”

Lim Dae-han reached for my hand wandering on the table. He covered my hand with his large one. Even though the warmth in his hand could have been irritating, it actually made me feel relieved. Emboldened by his comforting gesture, I continued, “Anyway, I won’t let him push me around anymore. I said everything I wanted to say, and he’s not acting like before either. He asked if we could be friends again, but I told him I wasn’t sure.”

“You said that?”

“Yeah.”

“You’ve grown up a lot, Ki Young-hyun.”

Lim Dae-han smiled and patted the back of my hand. I smiled back brightly, my cheeks moving upward. Then I pulled my hand away and lifted my chin.

“You should finish eating too. You have to leave soon.”

Since high school, I had never felt this reluctant about parting. Even when we went to different schools or hung out with different groups, we always had the promise of meeting at home to fall back on.

I felt anxious about the time of separation. Lim Dae-han kept ignoring incoming calls, but when the fifth vibration rang, he finally picked up saying he had to go.

Even at the front door, we were reluctant to part, kissing and licking each other’s lips the whole time.

Bzzzz.

Another vibration sounded. I pushed away the hand holding my chin and grabbed his shoulders.

“Go quickly.”

“Okay.”

“Will you call tonight?”

“I’ll probably be home around 11 after putting Dae-ryong to bed. Don’t fall asleep. We’ll talk even if it’s just for a moment.”

“I won’t be sleeping then anyway.”

“Go to sleep right after we hang up. Your sleep schedule seems to be messed up.”

“Don’t nag me.”

I chided him with a smile, and Lim Dae-han smiled back. He opened the front door and went out. I had already called the elevator, so there was no need to go out and wait, but Lim Dae-han was impatient and always went out early.

I poked my head out through the door crack. Lim Dae-han checked that the elevator was still far from arriving and pressed close to the door again, our lips meeting. We just kept kissing for the remaining time.

Ah. Then I had a good idea.

I took out my phone case and pulled out a 50,000 won bill from inside. It was money Ye-jun hyung had given me, but I had forgotten about it in my phone case. Lim Dae-han looked alternately at the money in my hand and at me.

“What’s this?”

“For you to buy coffee or something on your way back.”

“I have money too. You’re treating me like a beggar.”

“I know you have money. But this is from me.”

Actually, it was from Ye-jun hyung, but still. Lim Dae-han tried to hold back a laugh. I knew it was half mockery, but I didn’t bother to scold him. I insisted on giving him the money even as he tried to push my hand away saying that it was fine.

Lim Dae-han waved the corner of the money, teasing me.

“I’ll take your nose-wiping money.”

“Why are you like that even when I give you something?”

“Giving such a large amount while you’re working part-time. How much cash do you have right now?”

“I don’t know. About 20,000 won? But that’s just cash. I have more money in other accounts. Plus I get an allowance, and now I’m working part-time…”

I started rambling to explain that I wasn’t a poor college student but stopped when I saw Lim Dae-han’s expression. He was trying to hold back laughter, his mouth corners twitching.

Sigh, I should stop talking right now. Honestly, I knew my actions were ridiculous. It was just money after all.

Just then, with a ding, the elevator arrived. Lim Dae-han pinched my cheek firmly with his thumb and middle finger, then quickly entered the elevator. He waved goodbye with the bill in his hand.

“I’m going.”

“Mm.”

I responded a bit gruffly. But I stood at the entrance with my head poked out until his elevator reached the underground parking lot.

* * *

Even without Lim Dae-han by my side, time inevitably passed by. Of course, it went by much slower than when I was busy every day.

The days felt long, but the weeks felt short. I think it was because I went to my part-time job every other day.

The bar where I worked wasn’t particularly famous for its food. It was an ordinary, inexpensive bar near the university, targeting college students. If that was the case, it should definitely be less busy during vacation than during the semester. Why are there so many customers here?

I heard young people these days didn’t drink much, but I guess that wasn’t true.

Even I drank once or twice a week. When eating dinner out, I would often have at least one can of beer. Using the excuse of being twenty years old, I would go out drinking with my classmates, and sometimes even with Lim Dae-han.

But after he went back to his family home, I hardly drank at all. But as some guys started enlisting in the military, I was dragged around to “farewell parties” for various reasons.

The boss poked his head among the part-timers gathered and said, “Let’s close early today. We’re having Young-hyun’s welcome party, so don’t take any customers after 11.”

“Yes,” “Yep,” “Okay,” everyone replied half-heartedly. Come to think of it, they did say they were having my welcome party today.

I had never had another part-time job, so I wasn’t sure, but the people here seemed to enjoy gathering to drink and chat. I wiped down the serving cart with a cloth.

My gaze landed on Moon Ji-woo. He was talking with the kitchen guy. He was particularly quiet among the rest of the part-timers.

“Young-hyun lives alone, right?”

“Yes.”

“What’s your alcohol tolerance?”

“I can drink about one bottle of soju.”

“Hmm, one bottle of soju. So you’d probably throw up after drinking two bottles?”

“Excuse me?”

I asked back, bewildered. The boss laughed loudly. I couldn’t tell if he was joking or serious. The boss was in his mid-30s but really enjoyed hanging out with the part-timers.

Sssip. I tried to calm my rising anxiety. Surely they wouldn’t make me drink until my nose went crooked, right?

Ding-dong. Just then, the call bell rang.

“Yes.”

I responded now skillfully while checking the table number. It turned out to be table 12.

“If you want anything to eat, tell him. He’ll make pretty much anything.”

“Ugh, I want to drink too. Figure it out yourself or order something.”

It seemed like the welcome party for me was just an excuse, and they actually wanted to drink themselves.

At the boss’s words, the kitchen hyung scoffed while gulping down beer. “Ah-,” he scratched his throat, savoring the beer, and then asked me, “Part-timer, anything you want to eat?”

“No, no. I don’t think I can eat everything that’s already here.”

“You look too skinny. There’s rice in the kitchen too, so go get some.”

I forced out a smile at the kitchen hyung who, despite his grumbling, was looking out for me. During a short break, I told Lim Dae-han about today’s welcome party, but he hadn’t replied.

I sent it a little after 10, but surely he wasn’t asleep already? Even if he had to go to work early, I didn’t think he’d sleep that early. Besides, tomorrow was the weekend. By the way, I wondered if Lim Dae-han wanted to meet again tomorrow. We didn’t make any plans prior to this.

“What do you want to drink? Soju?”

Moon Ji-woo, sitting across from me, asked. I shook my head.

“I’ll have a beer.”

“Give me your glass. I’ll pour it for you.”

When I handed my glass to Moon Ji-woo, he told me to tilt it more. A little more, a little more. When I tilted the glass almost horizontally, he poured the beer cleanly without foam.

As I was about to pick up the bottle to pour him a drink, my phone on the table lit up and vibrated.

I felt Moon Ji-woo glance at the screen. I turned my head too. It was Lim Dae-han.

“Excuse me for a moment, I need to take this call.”

“Okay.”

I grabbed my phone and went outside the store. I sat on a chair by the entrance and answered the call.

“Hey. Were you sleeping?”

– No, I was with Dae-ryong for a bit. Welcome party?

“Yeah. They said they’d have one when I first started working, but it looks like we’ll be drinking. I’m not planning to drink much though.”

– What if they pressure you?

“They won’t. Besides, you’re not here, so I’ll have to head home quickly on my own.”

Honestly, it was a bit more comfortable drinking with Lim Dae-han. He definitely had a high alcohol tolerance, so he rarely got drunk. It wasn’t like I could become a mess and need him to take care of me, but there was a psychological comfort knowing that he cared.

“They say we’re going to grill meat. I’m not planning to stay late…do you want to be at home? Is it too late now?”

After saying this, I nervously picked at a hangnail next to my thumb. It felt awkward to be making plans about whether to meet or not when we used to be together every day. But well, given the situation…

– I have to go to work tomorrow morning, so I don’t think I can.

“You go on weekends too?”

– That’s what I’m saying. It’s annoying.

I guess it wasn’t possible. It might not be…But honestly, I didn’t feel good about it. I felt disappointed and a bit hurt. I know Lim Dae-han wasn’t avoiding meeting me because he found it bothersome. He must be busy. I was busy, and Lim Dae-han was busy too.

– Are you angry?

Lim Dae-han asked when I didn’t say anything.

“No.”

That was all I said in response. I wasn’t angry. What could we do if he was busy? We didn’t make plans in advance, and I suddenly asked, “Do you want to be at home?” and Lim Dae-han declined because he couldn’t make it.

I swallowed a sigh while forcing out a smile. I won’t show that I’m upset. I know it can’t be helped.

“I’m really not angry. I’m sorry for suddenly asking you to come. You must feel uncomfortable.”

– That’s not it, Ki Young-hyun…

Just as Lim Dae-han was about to continue, I made eye contact with the boss who was pressed against the glass door, looking at me with a strange expression on his face. I cut off Lim Dae-han’s words.

“I think I need to go back in now. I’ll send you a KakaoTalk message when I get home. Don’t worry and go to sleep early.”

I deliberately made my voice sound cheerful. As soon as I hung up, the boss opened the door. Seeing his mischievous smile, I quietly slipped back to my seat. The boss, who had followed me, asked, “Girlfriend?”

“Ah…yes.”

“If she lives nearby, tell her to come. It’d be nice to eat meat and get to know each other.”

Unexpectedly, I made eye contact with Moon Ji-woo sitting across from me. Moon Ji-woo looked at me for a moment, then flipped the meat with tongs.

“Is she coming?”

I shook my head at the question asked.

“She has to go to work tomorrow.”

“Is she older?”

The kitchen hyung, who had been pretending not to be interested and just drinking, asked while swirling his glass.

“We’re the same age.”

“Didn’t go to college?”

“No, she did…but still working during the weekend.”

“Young-hyun seems like he’d have high standards. Is your girlfriend pretty? Do you have a photo?”

The conversation inevitably turned this way. I laughed awkwardly. Ha. Haha. The laughter came out in short bursts.

“She’s not pretty…, no, is she pretty? No. She’s definitely not pretty, even though she’s my girlfriend. Rather, she has a rugged look.” 

“I’ve seen her.”

Moon Ji-woo chimed in. During work, we didn’t even exchange words unless necessary. I quickly turned my head, but Moon Ji-woo answered the questions without meeting my gaze.

“Is she pretty?”

“Just…decent-looking. She treats Young-hyun well.”

“It’s inevitably going to be ‘Lee-Mal-Sang-Cho’ anyway. You should treat your relationship well now.”

“What’s ‘Lee-Mal-Sang-Cho’?”

“It means couples break up when the guy is a Private First Class or Corporal in the military. Lee-byeong (Private First Class), Mal (end), Sang-byeong (Corporal), Cho (beginning). We all broke up around that time too. It’s not like we could carry phones with us back then. It’s almost like a formula.”

The boss enthusiastically shared stories about his time in the military. It seemed more and more likely that my welcome party was just an excuse to drink.

“Young-hyun, did you get your physical examination?”

“Yes. I got Grade 1.”

“You’ll be going soon then. When are you planning to go?”

“I want to finish the second semester first before going.”

“Isn’t Ji-woo going soon?”

“Me? September. September 7th is my enlistment date.”

Moon Ji-woo said while wrapping some food. I just rolled my eyes. So Moon Ji-woo was going too. Well, he did enter school early, but he was the same age as me.

“Ji-woo, you should learn some social skills while you’re there. You’ve worked here for a few months, but I’ve never seen someone so lacking in social skills.”

The boss ruffled Moon Ji-woo’s hair roughly.

“Ah, stop it.”

Moon Ji-woo retorted irritably. I forced out an awkward smile. Honestly, I agreed with the boss.

“When Young-hyun first came, I was surprised to hear you two knew each other. Young-hyun, what do you think of him? He’s like this, right? No social skills.”

Moon Ji-woo looked at me. I looked back at Moon Ji-woo. Moon Ji-woo lowered his head and then raised it again.

“It’s not like that anymore.”

“What’s not like that? What, you punk?”

The tipsy boss laughed out loud. He clearly didn’t notice Moon Ji-woo’s sullen expression.

***

“Huff.”

I collapsed onto the bed, slightly tipsy from the alcohol. I didn’t think I drank much, but after accepting a couple of offered drinks and joining in on a few toasts, the effects of the alcohol hit me.

I wasn’t completely out of it, but my body felt heavy. I fell onto the bed without even bothering to wash up.

I lay on my back, staring at the ceiling. The house seemed unusually quiet today. The lights were off, and there wasn’t even the usual sound of the TV. Despite it being summer, I couldn’t feel any human warmth.

When I first moved into this place, I was just happy to be living alone with Lim Dae-han. But the house turned out to be bigger than I expected. Being alone made me realize just how spacious it really was.

I opened and closed my eyes repeatedly.

Am I lonely? Probably not. Maybe.

I fumbled for my phone and checked the last message from Lim Dae-han with bleary eyes. It said he was going to bed early because of work tomorrow.

He asked me to leave a message when I got home. Even though I wasn’t in a dangerous situation coming home late after drinking, both Lim Dae-han and I had experience with this.

I never waited anxiously, wondering why he wasn’t home yet. I just assumed he’d take care of himself and come home, and if I was tired, I’d fall asleep first. Our relationship of two years, going on three, had given us a sense of stability. There was nothing to feel uneasy about.

“Good night,” I mumbled softly. I dropped my phone and closed my eyes.