LCL 73

Lim Dae-han brought an unopened bottle of water over. He even opened the cap for me before giving it to me.

“Thanks.”

I said as I took the bottle. As I poured the cold water down my throat, I felt refreshed from the inside out.

“How have you been?”

I asked Lim Dae-han while fiddling with the water bottle. Lim Dae-han draped his arms over the back of the sofa.

“Just, you know, commuting and helping with work.”

“It seems like work’s been busy lately.”

“Why?”

I felt a bit flustered at his question. Is there really a specific reason?

“Just…oh, your mother said earlier that she just finished exercising. Seeing her go exercise late…you know.”

“Ah, right.”

“What about your father? Is he home? Should I have greeted him?”

“It’s fine. Why bother?”

“What about Dae-ryong?”

Lim Dae-han pointed his chin toward the opposite room. Beyond the tightly closed sliding door, a faint light from a night lamp was seeping through.

It seemed like Dae-ryong, who said he missed his brother, was living in this room with Lim Dae-han.

“It would be nice to see Dae-ryong before I go.”

“You can see him tomorrow. Stay the night.”

“Hmm…”

I fell into contemplation right then and there. Should I stay the night? Although I was off tomorrow, Lim Dae-han had to go to work early, so it felt awkward to be alone in the house without him there.

Due to my part-time job that ended late, my sleep schedule was already reversed, making it difficult for me to wake up early in the morning.

“You’re not going to stay?”

Lim Dae-han asked while fiddling with his nails.

“What should I do?”

“Stay the night. I’ll take you home afterward.”

He got up and sat next to me. He placed one hand on his thigh and tilted his head to one side. Our lips met. We kissed lightly, our foreheads bumping against each other slightly.

I wished that we had tongue kissed, but we were both tired from a long day, so I decided to be satisfied with this much.

Our lips parted. Our noses were nearly touching. Lim Dae-han lightly pressed his lips against mine, tickling me. In the end, I couldn’t resist and wrapped my arms around his neck.

Only after our lips pressed together firmly, like stamping a seal, could I be satisfied.

***

I felt a strange sensation on my eyelashes. The ticklish feeling made me open my tightly closed eyes. My body was stretched out, not having had proper sleep yet. Beyond my blurry vision, I saw a small hand like a fern.

“Huh?”

Without saying anything, the hand moved away and exceptionally large eyes looked at me. Ah…I carefully opened my mouth.

“Dae-ryong?”

“Yeah…”

As I slowly raised my upper body, Dae-ryong pulled back. I looked around. It was the living room of Lim Dae-han’s house. Yesterday, Lim Dae-han and I slept in the living room, laying out a blanket on the floor.

What time is it? I felt around on the floor for my phone. It was a little past 11 o’clock.

“Sleepyhead.”

Dae-ryong said while kneading my cheek. He liked touching cheeks just like his big brother. I offered my cheek to Dae-ryong and closed my eyes.

“Dae-ryong, I’m sleepy.”

I lay down again, spreading my arms wide. Dae-ryong flopped down beside me. He pulled out his hand and used his arm as a pillow. He seemed used to being in someone’s arms.

After lying with Dae-ryong for a while, I got up. Looking around the living room, I saw breakfast for one prepared on the coffee table.

The neatly prepared breakfast under the table mat had many dishes, but the portions weren’t large, so it was just right.

“Are you going to pee?”

Dae-ryong followed me closely, sticking by my side. I rubbed my face with my hands.

“Yeah, and wash my face too.”

Is he bored?

After telling Dae-ryong to wait for a moment, I went to the bathroom. I just washed my face briefly and came out. Dae-ryong was sitting on the sofa, quietly watching the bathroom without even turning on the TV. I went near Dae-ryong, caressing my cheeks that had been splashed with cold water.

I knelt down. Making eye contact, I tidied his parted bangs and asked.

“Dae-ryong, where’s your brother?”

“He went to the company with Mom. Why did you wake up late?”

“Uh…”

“You’re a sleepyhead…”

Feeling like his comment described me perfectly, I squeezed my eyes shut.

“I’ll wake up early from now on. Does Dae-ryong wake up early?”

“Yeah, so I eat breakfast and play with auntie…I don’t go to kindergarten.”

“Why not?”

“It’s summer vacation.”

Dae-ryong had grown a lot. Before, he used to be shy and hesitant, but now he answered every question while grasping his toes.

He recited the numbers one by one, saying it’s vacation from Monday to Sunday. I wanted to put his chubby fingers, which were curling into a fist, in my mouth.

I patted Dae-ryong’s head once and then peered around the table mat. There was a note. I read the memo written in messy, crooked handwriting.

[Reheat the food if it’s cold. I’ll take you home after work. Call me when you wake up.]

It was a blunt note, but it made a corner of my heart tingle. I traced the letters pressed hard with a pen. Dae-ryong poked his head in to read the memo.

As I slightly hid it, his face came close. I could smell his milky breath on my skin.

“Is it a letter?”

“Yes.”

“Who wrote it?”

“Your brother.”

“My brother?”

“Yes.”

“Wow…”

Dae-ryong exclaimed in admiration. I wasn’t so sure what was so great about it, but he looked at the memo in my hand and read it letter by letter. He had been studying Korean hard since before, and now he could read nearly everything.

Dae-ryong said while swinging his toes back and forth, “I wish someone would write me a letter too.”

“Should I write one for you?”

“…”

Dae-ryong looked at me silently. Does he want his family to write for him? Feeling awkward, I smiled slightly, and Dae-ryong smiled brightly. He jumped off the sofa and started running around the living room.

“Paper and pencil…!!”

“Dae-ryong, don’t run!”

“Okay, I’m not running.”

“Dae-ryong, just hunching your shoulders doesn’t mean you’re not running.”

I also helped Dae-ryong find a notepad and pen in the house. Come to think of it, I started to wonder what Dae-ryong was going to eat.

I spoke to Dae-ryong, who was sitting quietly on the sofa with a pen and notepad.

“Dae-ryong, when do you eat lunch?”

“I eat with auntie…But, but…”

Dae-ryong glanced at the well-prepared meal under the table mat. He squirmed without saying anything. It seemed he wanted to eat with me.

I opened the table mat. It was enough for two people to eat.

“Do you want to eat with me? I think we can share this between us.”

“Umm…I have to ask auntie. She eats alone…”

I got up to call the babysitter auntie. I familiarly contacted the downstairs apartment through the intercom. The call rang for a moment and then disconnected.

A kind voice reached me.

-Yes, baby, what is it?

She probably thought it was Dae-ryong calling.

“Ah, hello. This is Lim Dae-han’s friend…”

-Oh, Young-hyun, I heard you came. Do you need anything?

“Ah, I was thinking of having lunch here with Dae-ryong. Dae-ryong said he needs to ask you.”

-Oh, the sweet boy must have said I eat alone again. It’s okay. I’ll eat with the other auntie here. You two eat together.

“Ah, okay, we’ll do that.”

-I’ll bring some snacks later, so just play. Is the amount of food okay? Should I bring anything else?

“No, it’s fine. I think there’s enough for both of us and more. Thank you.”

After finishing the short call, I lowered my head to find Dae-ryong already by my side again. His following me around like a little duckling was cute, but on the other hand, I felt the weight of being a child’s guardian on my shoulders.

During the vacation, Dae-ryong must be waiting like this for his parents and Lim Dae-han to come. No matter how well the auntie treated him, family was different.

“Dae-ryong, let’s eat together.”

I held out my hand to Dae-ryong. He overlapped his small hand with mine. We walked the short distance hand in hand and sat side by side. I placed Dae-ryong’s spoon from the kitchen in front of him.

Dae-ryong struggled with using chopsticks. He wasn’t completely incapable, but feeling sorry for him, I kept putting side dishes on his spoon.

Dae-ryong pointed at the stir-fried fish cake with his finger.

“Do you want to eat this?”

“…Yes.”

I put some stir-fried fish cake on Dae-ryong’s spoonful of rice. Dae-ryong opened his mouth wide and took a big bite.

“Is it delicious?”

When I asked, he nodded his head. Why do I feel so proud? We’re just eating. Watching him munch, I felt full even without even eating a bite.

Dae-ryong, who was eating heartily, poked my ring finger.

“Is it a ring?”

“Yes.”

I spread my fingers wide, then for some reason, feeling shy, I clenched my fist. Dae-ryong rounded his mouth and said, “Oh.”

“Hyung has a ring too.”

“Really?”

“Yes. I said I wanted one, but he won’t give me one. Sister and big brother all have rings too.”

“Do you want to wear one too? Why did your hyung say no?”

“He said I can wear one when I find someone I like.”

Dae-ryong suddenly covered his mouth and laughed. Wondering what funny thought he had, I stared at him intently. Dae-ryong leaned in close and whispered in my ear.

“I saw you and hyung kiss before.”

“Huh?!”

I turned my head in surprise. Dae-ryong laughed with a mischievous face. I didn’t expect to see such an expression from a child. He was definitely Lim Dae-han’s brother.

“You two kissed. I saw it when I was little.”

You’re still plenty young…No, that’s not the point. Huh?

“I don’t quite understand what you mean. Maybe you dreamed it, Dae-ryong?”

“But you two kissed. I really saw it.”

“Ha, haha…Dae-ryong must have dreamed it, probably…”

It was an awkward response that anyone could see through. I just raised the corners of my mouth, stiff. Dae-ryong tilted his head this way and that, saying it wasn’t a dream. I stared off into the distance. I felt like I might get sick.

After moving the napping Dae-ryong to the bed, I went outside and wrote a letter. It wasn’t anything special. Just typical advice like eat well, listen to your parents, get along with your brother, and call “Young-hyun hyung” anytime if you miss me.

I didn’t write anything too difficult since Dae-ryong didn’t read that well.

“Dear Dae-ryong, let’s play together again with hyung.”

I wrote the last sentence and folded the note.

Just then, I sensed movement at the door connecting to the main house. I put the folded note on the table and stood up. When I opened the door, I saw that the auntie who took care of Dae-ryong had brought snacks on a round tray.

Since they were snacks for Dae-ryong, they were small and cute.

“I’ll take it. Dae-ryong is sleeping now.”

I took the tray. Since he had just fallen asleep, I didn’t want to wake him, so the auntie and I sat on the porch. With a small forest across from us, it was very cool when the wind blew.

It wasn’t hot even outside. I could understand why Lim Dae-han wanted to use this house.

“How long has Dae-ryong been asleep? If he sleeps too long, he won’t sleep at night and will keep bothering his brother.”

“About…a little less than 10 minutes, I think.”

“Up to an hour is fine. When Lim Dae-han comes home, they need to play together. He needs to play physically, otherwise he gets stiff.”

“Does Lim Dae-han play well with him?”

“They play soccer, go for walks, and such. Since their father isn’t home, Lim Dae-han is acting like a dad.”

“Where did their father go?”

I asked with wide eyes, hearing this for the first time. 

“Oh my.” The auntie covered her mouth. Her face looked too surprised for it to seem like she said it on purpose.

“Oh my, oh my, what should I do? Lim Dae-han told me not to say anything. What should I do?”

“…Is something wrong at home?”

Honestly, if it weren’t for the auntie’s reaction, I would have thought nothing of it. But seeing her face turn pale and break into a cold sweat, I realized it wasn’t a trivial matter.

I hadn’t heard anything from Lim Dae-han. Despite her flustered face, I had to ask. My expression hardened along with hers. The auntie hurriedly wiped the cold sweat from her forehead with both hands.

“Young-hyun, can you pretend you didn’t hear this?”

“…What’s going on?”

“The boss is in the hospital now. He fell while hiking, and at first they thought it was a mild concussion, but there were signs of cerebral hemorrhage…It wasn’t severe enough for surgery, but he was in the ICU for a few days.”

I blinked in response.

“Now he’s in a nursing hospital for rehabilitation. You know, Dae-ryong is the youngest who has only received pure love. It’s the first time his father hasn’t come home for days, so he can’t sleep. That’s why Dae-han came home.”

This was the first I’d heard of it. Even though we couldn’t meet often after Lim Dae-han went home, we kept in touch regularly, and he always acted normal.

“Lim Dae-han was shocked too. His older brother happens to be in Australia now, and his sister is working. Dae-ryong doesn’t even know his dad is in the hospital.”

“…Is their father okay?”

“Fortunately, they found it early…Oh my, this is why Lim Dae-han said not to tell. How can I tell you what Lim Dae-han didn’t want to say?”

If he was in the ICU and now in a nursing hospital for rehabilitation, it must have been quite serious. I fiddled with my fingers, brushing the ring on my ring finger. 

I nodded my head.

“Please pretend you don’t know until Lim Dae-han tells you. Okay? There must be a reason he didn’t say anything.”

The auntie emphasized once more. She seemed worried about sharing family information. It was understandable.

I slowly mulled over the past few weeks. Come to think of it, Lim Dae-han went home very suddenly. It wasn’t a planned schedule, and he even said he wouldn’t go, but he decided to go right away after one phone call from his mother.

Only then did the puzzle pieces start to fit together. Lim Dae-han being unusually busy, his mother going out for late-night exercises despite having free time.

‘What about your father? Is he home? Should I have greeted him?’

‘It’s fine. Why bother?’

‘Dae-ryong, where’s your brother?’

‘He went to the company with mom. Why did you wake up late?’

I found myself unconsciously repeating what Lim Dae-han and Dae-ryong had said yesterday and today. I must’ve missed all the signs that something was wrong because I was oblivious.

Lim Dae-han didn’t tell me, but I didn’t notice anything either. The situation seemed so peaceful that I didn’t feel the need to look for anything else.

It was just me. In fact, Lim Dae-han must have been troubled. If he had told me, I could have empathized and comforted him, so why didn’t he say anything?

Is it because I still seem like a child and not reliable? My mind became complicated. I stared at the dark bamboo forest. The wind no longer blew from the forest.