MIM 76

76

Shin-woo trudged toward the annex, still holding the photos Ma Jin-seong had given him as a “gift.” He was bone-tired. After wandering various places during his long business trip, even the shabby annex felt like a welcoming respite. A space where he knew exactly where everything was when he opened the door and walked in. The place he had set up himself, however meager, gave him some sense of stability.

As soon as he entered the annex, Shin-woo turned his gaze toward the second floor. Amidst the eerily felt silence, the groans of suffering test subjects passed by his ears like auditory hallucinations.

Self-deprecating at finding stability in such a place, Shin-woo threw the photos in the kitchen trash bin and headed straight upstairs. Though he considered stripping off his dirty clothes and showering first, he couldn’t ignore the light seeping out from the end room.

When he opened the door with a creak, Ma Jae-seung, who had been reading, looked up. He was casually sitting on Shin-woo’s bed as if it were perfectly natural, leisurely turning pages with his long legs stretched out. As soon as their eyes met, he lifted his handsome lips in a slight smile. Fortunately, if that was even the right word, his complexion looked good, unlike someone who had been sick from poison just yesterday.

“Welcome back.”

Ma Jae-seung greeted him while closing his book without hesitation. It was a sight Shin-woo couldn’t get used to no matter how many times he saw it. He sometimes felt strange about the fact that there was someone waiting for him. Normal people would call this a sense of security, but in his case, it was closer to anxiety. When you expect and hope for something, you become anxious about not wanting to lose it.

Ma Jae-seung, who had been studying Shin-woo intently, suddenly got up to his feet and approached him. As Shin-woo lifted his head to follow the taller man’s movements, a large shadow fell over him. Worry filled the green eyes that carefully examined him. Who are you to worry about someone else? Shin-woo smirked as he began unbuttoning his shirt.

“I’m not hurt. It’s not my blood.”

Though he knew he was being watched, he casually stripped off his blood-soaked clothes down to his pants and tossed them to the side. The gaze remained intense as he pulled out a bathrobe, wearing only his underwear. He had noticed the strange light in those eyes for some time now, and how the boy would toss and turn all night without sleeping when they lay side by side in the same bed, but he didn’t give it much thought right then. Teenagers could go through such phases.

Just a big kid. It was amusing to suddenly be conscious of his gaze after playing together for years. As he turned toward the door with the robe draped over his shoulders, Ma Jae-seung grabbed his wrist. His palm was warm and damp.

“Going to wash up? Stay a little longer. It’s been a while.”

“Aren’t you going to sleep over anyway?”

“Don’t know, we’ll see.”

Ma Jae-seung cleared his throat as he glanced at Shin-woo’s bare body. Shin-woo clicked his tongue at seeing his reddened cheeks. While everyone else in the mansion treated Ma Jae-seung as their employer, it was inevitable that he had grown attached to Shin-woo, who was not only his age but also quite friendly. He was following around the first person who had become his friend.

After hesitating, Shin-woo roughly draped the bathrobe over himself and plopped down on the floor. He probably just needed someone to talk to. He must have had a hard time, surely being subjected to endless experiments while Shin-woo was away. Looking at the data accumulated so far, test subjects who hadn’t experienced their first rut generally suffered more from the drugs as they approached adulthood. In Ma Jae-seung’s case, whether due to tolerance from the poison or some unique constitution, he showed superhuman recovery, but while it might not show as much, he must have been suffering just the same.

Ma Jae-seung sat down quietly beside him and glanced sideways. Why does he keep looking like that? Just as Shin-woo was wondering this, the boy suddenly reached out to close his robe.

“It’s distracting. With you exposing yourself like this.”

Then he cleared his throat and quickly changed the subject.

“Did something happen?”

“No.”

“You look sad.”

The sudden comment left him at a loss for words. If he looked gloomy, it must be because of Ma Jin-seong. How could anyone win against a rich man who put so much effort into tormenting people? It felt awful seeing how people he thought he’d never see again were doing.

Though it might have been worse if his abandoned family were sick or bankrupt and living on the streets, he didn’t want to see them doing well either. Since he had tried hard not to forget his parents’ faces for a while after being abandoned, seeing the photos made it all too clear how they must have aged. For better or worse, they didn’t seem to have lived particularly difficult lives.

“I’m just tired.”

“If it’s that hard, you can quit.”

Though a wry laugh escaped at the clumsy consolation, it soothed him somewhat. Maybe I just needed someone to talk to as well. Shin-woo smiled and teased playfully.

“That’s rich coming from you.”

“What do you mean?”

“You eat food you know is poisoned. Just yesterday, in fact.”

The boy who had been staring with round eyes quickly became calm. He shrugged his shoulders as if it were no big deal.

“What’s new about that? I won’t die.”

“Don’t become desensitized. The fact that you can say such things already isn’t normal.”

“What part of my life is normal?”

Looking at Ma Jae-seung’s wry smile, Shin-woo suddenly mulled over the question he had asked. Ironically, the time spent with Ma Jae-seung was the only normal thing in Shin-woo’s daily life. Realizing it must be the same for him left a bitter taste in his mouth.

“I was actually thinking about quitting soon anyway.”

After a moment of silence, Ma Jae-seung spoke as if he could have quit anytime but simply chose not to. Shin-woo asked in disbelief, “Are you serious?”

“You’re right. My parents don’t love me.”

“Shit,” Shin-woo muttered the curse and let out an exasperated sigh. He had wondered if Ma Jae-seung took the poison either to avoid disappointing his father or because he believed his father would force him anyway, but he hadn’t expected him to still be trying to confirm his parents’ love. Ma Jae-seung tilted his head to one side and pouted his lips.

“While you were gone, I pretended to be really sick once. I even asked Butler Hwang and Woo-hee to help make fake blood with corn syrup and water, and put on quite a show.”

“I didn’t hear about that.”

If it had been such a big commotion, Hye-jung should have mentioned it, but she hadn’t said anything. Ma Jae-seung smiled and stretched his long arms over his knees.

“It was literally just an act, so nothing really happened. The show ended pathetically as soon as the doctor arrived. I just wanted to see my parents’ pale faces, so I didn’t care if I was caught right after seeing that.”

“…”

“I wanted to see them panic, even for a moment. If I could see that…I could believe they weren’t actually putting cyanide in my soup to kill me.”

Speaking calmly, Ma Jae-seung stared into space with empty eyes. Their reaction was predictable. His mother would have blamed Ma Jin-seong and not even approached her dying son, while Ma Jin-seong would have been greatly disappointed at his research failing. Not a single tear would have been shed for Ma Jae-seung.

“I finally gave up. It feels better now.”

Seeing him smile as if relieved made Shin-woo’s stomach churn with déjà vu. He might think he’d found peace by expecting nothing, but that was a lie that would soon be exposed. It was a belief that would crumble like a sandcastle before waves in the face of just a few photographs. Even without a detailed explanation, Shin-woo could see right through Ma Jae-seung’s feelings.

It was the same when they met again at the mansion. Seeing his own reflection in the boy sitting alone, it felt like looking in a mirror, and he couldn’t just leave him behind.

Shin-woo awkwardly pulled Ma Jae-seung’s Pacific-wide shoulders into an embrace. When their shoulders touched, the guy looked up with wide eyes. Once he actually made the gesture, it quickly became hot, so he let go quickly. The comfort was clumsy and brief.

At the contact, which lasted maybe three seconds at most, Ma Jae-seung’s ears turned pink. He cleared his throat awkwardly and nodded to Shin-woo.

“I have something to show you.”

Following him to the desk in the corner, the block house came into view at once. The blocks he had collected every time they met numbered in the hundreds, making up the toy house he had diligently assembled whenever he had some free time on his hands. When Shin-woo had last seen it, the building’s side and the playground slide in the front yard weren’t finished yet, but now all the pieces were perfectly fitted together, completing a proper house.

“Ta-da!”

Ma Jae-seung turned to Shin-woo with a broad grin on his face. Caught off guard by his expression that seemed to ask for praise, Shin-woo could only clench his fists. He awkwardly licked his lips while looking down at the toy house. Though it was just a block toy, perhaps because it had been built with such care over a long period of time, it gave him a strange feeling. He knew it wasn’t an excitement due to thinking about selling it for a high price, nor the satisfaction of seeing the completed work.

“We’ve been together for so long.” The first thought that came to mind was something even Shin-woo hadn’t expected.

“I thought we still needed to collect more.”

“You played with me every day before going on your business trip. When I brought a week’s worth at once, it was enough to finish. We could probably get thousands for it if we sell it. Don’t sell it openly though—contact wealthy collectors and sell it on the black market. It’ll fetch a higher price that way.”

Having learned only bad things from somewhere, Ma Jae-seung rattled off quite useful advice. He picked up the silver-haired block boy riding the seesaw in the front yard and grinned mischievously, saying they’d need to keep this figure to get more money. His curved eyes and widely spread lips were beautiful. It was amazing how someone living as a test subject trapped in this mansion could smile so prettily.

While entranced by his smile, Shin-woo’s heart beat anxiously. He gripped tightly the block boy Ma Jae-seung had placed in his hand. The guy who had told him to quit if it was hard was now bringing all the remaining blocks and mentioning black market deals. He had been explicitly hinting at farewells since earlier.

As Shin-woo stared silently for a long while, the smile gradually faded from Ma Jae-seung’s face. After fidgeting with the blocks for a while, he finally spoke.

“You’ve earned enough to live on without working here, right? If it’s not enough, I can get you more.”

“…”

“If you want to leave, I can have Butler Hwang help you escape. Don’t worry about Father, I’ll handle him.”

Looking at Shin-woo’s blood-stained face, Ma Jae-seung continued speaking quietly. Though he had often thought about leaving this mansion, hearing those words from Ma Jae-seung’s mouth felt unreal. So much had happened for the crying child to be able to say such things with a calm face after just a few years.

Just as he had gained certainty about his parents after coughing up fake blood, could this also be bait to test him? Though he knew it was an unreasonable suspicion, the thoughts kept connecting.

If I eagerly take this chance and flee the mansion, will Jae-seung give up on me just as he gave up on his parents?

Like the people in those photos I threw in the trash, will I one day years after leaving here accidentally run into him on the street?

Him, doing well without any room for me to squeeze into his life.

“I wasn’t just playing with you. We played together.”

The somewhat abrupt response burst out while imagining some future. He had been bothered by Ma Jae-seung’s earlier expression of “playing with” him. While suppressing his anxiously pounding heart, Shin-woo chose his next words haphazardly.

“And how could I sell something I collected like this?”

“…”

“Move. It’s mine.”

As Shin-woo rambled without knowing what he was saying, a large hand cupped the back of his head. The moment he realized he was caught, Ma Jae-seung’s face with gently closed eyes suddenly came close. As soon as he saw the extended lips, Shin-woo forcefully pressed his palm against them.

“Oof!”

“What are you doing all of a sudden?”

“Ugh…”

Ma Jae-seung’s face, roughly pushed away, turned completely red. Seemingly embarrassed, he sniffled while trying to swallow his shame, then suddenly raised his voice.

“Is it because I’m a minor? You’re young too. How old are you? It’s not illegal between minors.”

“It’s not about age, it’s just, ugh.”

As Shin-woo clicked his tongue and tried to turn away demonstratively, his arm was roughly grabbed. As if past the point of feeling shame, Ma Jae-seung pushed Shin-woo against the wall and came close enough for their foreheads to touch. Though Shin-woo tried to push him away and leave, the guy blocked him with his huge body and wouldn’t move.

“Why not?”

When actually asked for a reason, words didn’t come immediately. He wondered if it was because of jet lag from his business trip, but thinking about it, the time difference had only been two hours.

Ma Jae-seung’s eyes, looking at him from up close, were unwavering. His chest rose and fell with slightly excited breaths, and his long eyelashes blinked several times as he anxiously waited for an answer. Though Shin-woo had thought he was being overly emotional because his heart was weakened after giving up on his parents’ love, he seemed quite serious.

Shin-woo tilted his head back against the wall and, slowly closing his eyes, answered firmly.

“That kind of thing should be done with someone you like.”

At that, Ma Jae-seung’s brow furrowed. He looked at Shin-woo as if to say ‘What kind of answer is that,’ then straightened his upper body to face him directly. Suddenly tidying his sleeves and adjusting his appearance, he stretched his neck. Having finished his preparations, he finally looked at him, his eyes shining with determination.

“I like you.”

“I like you.” It was a confession directed entirely at him. The slightly trembling voice, the transparent eyes, Ma Jae-seung’s expression, and gestures—everything conveyed his sincerity.

It was purely surprising. That was how Shin-woo defined his first thought.

This was right after giving up on the love he had wanted to confirm so badly that he’d even eaten poison and put on a show. How could he express his feelings so immediately and unhesitatingly when he should barely have enough energy to close his heart and forcefully direct his attention elsewhere? Though afraid and still anxious, Ma Jae-seung was actively showing his emotions.

Though he had thought they had many similarities, there were also aspects that weren’t alike at all. Shin-woo carefully studied Ma Jae-seung’s sparkling eyes and his own dark figure reflected in them.

He didn’t want to hope for anything. That was the distinct difference between Ma Jae-seung and himself.

“First, you’ll go to college later, so let’s talk then.”

“What? But that’s so far away.”

“You’re too young. I don’t like it.”

It was a cowardly answer that contradicted his earlier statement that it wasn’t about age, but Ma Jae-seung didn’t bother to press further. When he stepped back, a gap opened up. Shin-woo sighed lightly in secret relief. Like outgrowing clothes, it was a feeling that would naturally disappear as he grew up.

“Fine. That means you don’t dislike me. But I have a condition.”

His briefly gloomy face gradually returned to its original color. Should have just said no. As Shin-woo belatedly regretted, Ma Jae-seung clearly and firmly stated his condition.

“You can’t kiss anyone else until then either.”

Shin-woo rolled his eyes and nodded his head. It wasn’t like he couldn’t keep the promise anyway, since he had no interest. Ma Jae-seung narrowed his eyes to gauge his sincerity, and seemingly not quite convinced, extracted the promise again.

“Really.”

“I said okay.”

“Promise.”

“Promise.”

Only after receiving multiple confirmations did Ma Jae-seung gather his books. The guy who was expected to stay over left after saying good night. After his reddened nape disappeared completely from view, all strength left Shin-woo’s body. He stumbled to the bed that still retained warmth and sat down.

“I like you.”

At the end of a day full of all sorts of events, only those words remained in his heart, leaving his mind quiet. Shin-woo, who had been blankly staring at his feet, slowly opened his hand. He had gripped it so tightly that the block boy was drenched in his sweat.