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    Loves Balance

    77

    “Please handle recycling.”

    Upon checking the message, Shin-woo silently changed his clothes. He put on a dark-colored turtleneck that wouldn’t stand out and pulled on a black cap. He needed to move quickly as it was already starting to get dark.

    ‘Recycling’ meant disposing of deceased test subjects’ bodies. While they used explicit terms when commissioning murders, they used everyday expressions for disposing of test subjects. People died in the mansion so regularly that it could be considered routine, with deaths occurring consistently in monthly cycles.

    Shin-woo left his room and walked across the hallway, stopping in front of a door where groans were leaking out. The guy’s condition had rapidly deteriorated after showing addiction symptoms to the rut suppressants. His nervous system was breaking down, causing severe withdrawal symptoms. For days, he had been screaming that his body was on fire, making it impossible to sleep.

    This morning, he had shown an allergic reaction to the newly administered drugs, and his condition had become uncontrollable. It wouldn’t have been strange if the collection order came at any given moment, so Shin-woo had been waiting. He stood at the door and pulled his mask straps tight over his face.

    After taking a deep breath, he opened the door and was hit by a musty smell. Unable to move due to being tied up and with no ventilation, he had apparently wet himself. The beard that had been stylishly grown when he first entered the mansion was now unkempt and uneven, giving off a foul odor from dried saliva and vomit. His eyes, which had once gleamed with greed at the prospect of high compensation, were now dull and unfocused.

    Shin-woo took in the grotesque appearance of the man who was barely alive. Though they weren’t friends and he didn’t even know his name, he was someone whose face he recognized from the Mangwol District. Like Shin-woo, he had survived in the district from a young age, usually hanging around with a rather loud group.

    Shin-woo removed the gag from the man’s mouth. It seemed he had been gagged after screaming too much following today’s dose. Perhaps they feared he might bite his tongue and commit suicide.

    “Hehe…”

    As soon as his mouth was free, the man let out a weak laugh. “Death god…the death god has come.” He mumbled mindlessly in Shin-woo’s direction. His all-black attire must have given that impression.

    “Look at the mad dog becoming a house pet.”

    Though his pronunciation was slurred, the voice that used to pick fights was still recognizable. Shin-woo, who had been putting on gloves, paused and looked down at the man. The man he thought had completely lost his mind was looking straight at him. His penetrating blue eyes curved into a sneer, and a familiar expression emerged.

    “W-We had a joke we shared through the walls, since you always wore black…kugh…that the day the death god from the end room knocks, t-this pain would all come to an end.”

    The man was shivering violently with chattering teeth, but his eyes remained detached as if he had already accepted the fact that he was going to die. After repeatedly suffering from hypothermia and burning sensations, he had been injected with different drugs daily until his body could no longer endure. Even though they had early on discovered that rut suppressants were ineffective on artificially created Alphas, they continued administering various types of suppressants from different pharmaceutical companies to observe the reactions. While it wasn’t clear whether the addiction symptoms were due to specific ingredients or drug abuse, it was certain that his body was too damaged to withstand any more experiments.

    Letting the man ramble on, Shin-woo untied his bound limbs. Due to his violent struggling previously, the rope marks were clearly visible on his skin. Even though now freed, his arms lying limply on the bed were covered in needle marks and bruises.

    The emaciated hand suddenly grabbed Shin-woo’s arm. Only when meeting the man’s upward gaze did Shin-woo understand how such strength could actually come from such a skeletal body.

    “C-Can I make one…last request?”

    “…”

    “Could you…urgh…kill me right now?”

    Desperation leaked from his words.

    The man was actually afraid of being left alone like this. Perhaps he preferred dying by another’s hand rather than biting his own tongue. As he gripped the neck of the man who had once passed by on the opposite side of the street, Shin-woo faced him expressionlessly.

    He applied light pressure without crushing the Adam’s apple. It was a signal to let out any last words he might have. Though he could have voiced the offer, he couldn’t bring himself to speak. It would have been presumptuous for someone who was just following orders to dispose of a corpse to hear any last words.

    The man chuckled, showing bloodstained red teeth. As if trying to comfort himself, he wiggled his fingertips and mumbled softly, “At least it’s not dying like a dog.”

    “I got…got quite a lot of money to cover the hospital bills…S-Somehow getting surgery is better than dying together, right? Kugh, if that child dies anyway… I, I would have no reason to live. So it was the right, right, r-right choice. Even…even if I could go back, this is the only path.” The man slowly blinked while rambling and brainwashing himself. His eyes floated in space as if picturing someone or reflecting on his brief life, before finally settling on Shin-woo’s face. He closed his eyes and whispered in a cracked voice, “I hope that someday, you too will find peace.”

    There was a sharp sound as his throat closed and his breathing was constricted. Shin-woo applied pressure until the blood vessels stood out on the back of his hand and oxygen was completely cut off.

    The end of breath came deceptively quickly. The sensation of the man’s dying breath lingered long on his fingertips. After checking his pulse one final time, Shin-woo hoisted the man over his shoulder and left the annex.

    ***

    Each employee had their own way of disposing of bodies. Some bragged about grinding them up in crushers, bones and all, claiming it was the surest way to destroy evidence. Others paid staff to use crematoriums. For deceased test subjects, Shin-woo chose the mountain. There was a large mountain behind the Mangwol District, and since most test subjects were from there, it seemed an appropriate burial ground. Besides, even if remains were discovered there, the police wouldn’t even bother to investigate.

    The sun had completely set during his journey to the mountain. Breathing in the dark night air, Shin-woo climbed the mountain carrying the corpse. Though he couldn’t determine whether this was a good  burial site or not, he chose what seemed like a decent spot and began digging. After digging a hole as deep as his height, he laid the man to rest gently. After firmly patting down the soil to finish, he gathered fist-sized stones from nearby and stacked them to make a small gravestone.

    Even after finishing, Shin-woo spent some time crouched in front of it. Until the sweat he’d heavily shed cooled in the fresh breeze, he looked down at the dark landscape below the mountain. While the distant city center was still bright, the Mangwol District directly below was as dark as if paint had been spilled all over it.

    He was first abandoned here at age seven.

    It was probably around then that he first met the man now buried underground. He too had entered the Mangwol District at a young age, scrounging through restaurant garbage bins like a stray cat. Being in the same situation, Shin-woo remembered running into him often.

    “Peace, huh.”

    Shin-woo got up with a smirk. He picked up one more stone nearby and pressed it firmly on top of the small cairn. His face grew darker as he descended the mountain.

    Driving with the windows lowered all the way down, Shin-woo imagined quite specific scenarios. Working as Ma Jin-seong’s employee, he had roughly figured out the pattern of how he tracked down and killed those who betrayed him. If he wanted to, disappearing without a trace would be a simple matter. That was, if he wanted to.

    Returning to the annex, Shin-woo showered and tried to sleep immediately. The neighboring room that had been filled with groans just yesterday was too quiet now, and that silence was so loud he couldn’t fall into deep sleep.

    Many dreams unfolded and ended. In his barely remembered unconsciousness, Shin-woo was constantly running. No, he was fleeing. He ran until exhaustion hit him without knowing what was chasing him. As his breath reached his throat, he felt like he was being strangled.

    Being strangled. This wasn’t a dream. Someone was choking him. When his eyes flew open, two pale blue eyes were looking down at him eerily. With skeletal arms that were nothing but bone, he was trying to kill Shin-woo with all his might. Dirt poured in through his mouth and every opening in his body. Overwhelmed by the sensation of being buried alive, Shin-woo’s mouth gaped. His vision soon turned black.

    …Okay.

    Huh? Okay?

    “It’s okay, shh.”

    His eyes snapped open with the feeling of his chest sinking underground. His whole body was stiff, and even slightly turning hurt his head. A nightmare followed by sleep paralysis, he soon after realized. As soon as he understood this, a large hand wiped the sweat from his forehead. Only then did he feel the touch massaging his rigid body.

    “It’s okay.”

    The familiar voice gently dissolved the tension. The eyes gleaming clearly in the darkness and the comfortable scent all belonged to someone familiar. His unconsciously held breath was released in a long sigh as his body went limp like a deflated balloon.

    That was when his view suddenly rose. Startled awake, Shin-woo looked around with wide eyes. Ma Jae-seung had lifted Shin-woo, wrapped in his blanket, and was unhesitatingly leaving the room.

    “Where are you going? Put me down. What time is it?”

    “If you stay quiet, I’ll spare your life.”

    The kidnapper smiled while whispering secretively. Shin-woo’s head, which had been rolling around trying to assess the situation, finally settled against a firm chest. Only after leaving the annex and feeling the cold air did he realize it was still the middle of the night. Ma Jae-seung had snuck into the annex and was now carrying him somewhere.

    Shin-woo started to get annoyed but gave up. Having just woken up, his head wasn’t working sharply, and he was very tired from the long dream. Since Ma Jae-seung was probably heading to his own room to sleep more comfortably, Shin-woo could rest there briefly and slip out before dawn.

    And why had this guy come looking for him at such a late hour? Had he waited for him to return home and only come after night had fully settled? As he glanced up, remembering the voice that had pulled him from his nightmare, Ma Jae-seung bent his arms further, pulling Shin-woo closer to him. The forceful pull caused his entire body to fall into the guy’s warm embrace.

    The dream was quickly forgotten in the startling situation. When Ma Jae-seung crossed the first-floor corridor instead of climbing the stairs, Shin-woo furrowed his brow. The empty rooms on this side were for guests.

    Choosing one room, Ma Jae-seung entered unhesitatingly and gently laid Shin-woo on the bed. Then, pretending to arrange the blanket, he fidgeted closer until their noses nearly touched and smiled slightly.

    “Sleep well here. No one will come looking until noon.”

    It seemed Ma Jae-seung had heard about the corpse being removed from the next room today. This guest room would indeed be more comfortable than Ma Jae-seung’s room where employees knocked early in the morning. Shin-woo pressed himself to the edge of the bed to make room for the other person. After hesitating, Ma Jae-seung carefully lay down on the bed that was too small for two.

    With his increasingly large build, even a decent-sized bed wasn’t enough for lying side by side. Shin-woo couldn’t help but laugh seeing Ma Jae-seung uncomfortably hunching his shoulders. After chuckling, his cheeks felt slightly tender. Only then did he realize he hadn’t laughed once all day.

    Moonlight filtering through the curtains illuminated Ma Jae-seung’s face. Following the elegant lines of his lips and nose bridge led to eyes full of moonlight staring fixedly at the ceiling. Gone was the playful face that had acted out the kidnapping—right now he seemed shy, examining various spots on the empty ceiling.

    Impulsively, Shin-woo felt along the bed sheet for Ma Jae-seung’s arm. He was reminded of the ragged arms of the man he had buried today. Though the smooth skin bore no injection marks, he could clearly picture the layers of invisible wounds accumulated there.

    “Hup!”

    Perhaps misinterpreting Shin-woo’s touch, Ma Jae-seung suddenly tensed his arm until veins stood out. After showing off his muscles until his fist trembled, he let out a small held breath when Shin-woo withdrew his hand. Shin-woo pressed his lips together and pulled the blanket over his face. He couldn’t help but laugh at such childish behavior.

    “Go to sleep quickly.”

    The guy grumbled quietly. Shin-woo stared at his reddened ears before slowly closing his eyes. Perhaps due to the sleep paralysis, sleep wouldn’t come easily. Throughout the night, he occasionally listened to the calm breathing and opened his eyes to look around the not-so-dark room. Despite staying awake all night, he wasn’t very tired, perhaps because of the warmth of the guy beside him.

    Ma Jae-seung carefully slipped out of bed only after dawn broke. Thinking he had returned to his room, Shin-woo was surprised when he quietly opened the door and came back in shortly after. “Ah, shit. It’s wilted a bit already.” He muttered softly and rustled around nearby for a while. Shin-woo considered giving up pretending to sleep and checking directly but somehow missed his chance.

    “Butler Hwang says my way of speaking has gotten rough lately. It’s because of you.”

    After mumbling in a barely audible voice, he fell silent. Suddenly the surroundings became so quiet that even his breathing could be heard.

    Did he leave? There hadn’t been any sound. As Shin-woo strained his ears, a warm hand gently stroked his head. Surprised by the unexpected touch, Shin-woo unconsciously held his breath.

    “Wait. When I become an adult.”

    The words stopped there. As the warmth drew closer, a kissing sound rang out near his face. Given that he hadn’t felt anything touch him, it seemed Ma Jae-seung had just made the gesture in the air. Even that must have excited him, as harsh, panting breaths lingered for a while before gradually moving away.

    Only after hearing the door open and close did Shin-woo open his eyes. Pulling back the curtains halfway filled the room with dawn light. Unlike the annex, the window was positioned where sunlight entered well.

    I wonder what he left behind? As soon as he looked around, a flower that seemed out of place caught his eye. The flower was placed demurely on the bedside table where Shin-woo would notice it immediately upon waking. Staring blankly, Shin-woo reached out to poke the petals. Seeing how the stem hadn’t been neatly trimmed or wrapped in pretty paper, it was clearly picked from the garden.

    So now that he’s grown up a bit, he knows how to give gifts like this, huh. Shin-woo smirked and took a subtle sniff of the flower’s fragrance. Whether due to allergies or not, not just his nose but even inside his chest felt ticklish.

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