NFS 1.21

Though Joo Seung-ha thought he was experienced at cleaning from volunteering at the shelter, an hour later he realized a kennel covered in excrement would be better than this. There was just too much trash to clean. He tried to act like it was nothing, reminding himself of the lesson that this was why people became minimalists.

Because he’d seen his mother at work this morning, he felt like he’d be caught by emotions if he didn’t act this way. So he turned all his attention onto cleaning. He couldn’t stop even though he was hungry. If even a moment’s rest came, he felt like he’d crouch down again and bury his head between his knees. He hated that his only home looked as tattered as he felt.

So he focused on cleaning. Before he knew it, two hours flew by, and he realized there was an important task he should have done before cleaning. Bang. There was suddenly the sound of a heavy door closing. But soon after, screech, it opened again with a small noise. When Joo Seung-ha turned around startled, the person who had entered was surveying the interior from the entrance. It turned out to be none other than Seo Ahn-jae. Only then did Joo Seung-ha realize he should’ve fixed the front door that the gangsters must’ve broken down to enter.

“What is it?

“Why did you come back?”

Though Joo Seung-ha asked this sharply, Seo Ahn-jae slowly scanned the studio as if checking the cleaning progress like he owned the place, took off his shoes, and walked inside. Joo Seung-ha blocked his entrance, clearly alarmed.

“Why are you coming in?”

Seo Ahn-jae looked down at him and said expressionlessly, “Hungry.”

“What am I supposed to do about that?”

While he was acting bewildered, the man asked, “You?”

“Whether I’m hungry or not, what does that have to do with you?”

“It does. Since I bought a meal for two.”

He answered as if annoyed, pushed past Joo Seung-ha, and put down the bag he brought to the center of the room.

“Sunbae, leave.”

Joo Seung-ha grabbed his arm as he tried to sit, but Seo Ahn-jae simply stared at him. Though Joo Seung-ha applied force trying to pull him out, Seo Ahn-jae didn’t budge easily and said dryly, “It sounds like begging.”

“What am I…?”

Joo Seung-ha closed his mouth briefly in surprise, then tried to put more force behind his voice.

“Get out. There’s no reason to beg when I’m telling you to get out of my house. I already told you I don’t need your help.”

Though Joo Seung-ha spat it out harshly, he couldn’t be any harsher because of the sardonic smile that appeared on Seo Ahn-jae’s lips at that moment. But his voice was sharp as thorns.

“I know very well. Even if you’re bleeding and hurting, I know you’d hate accepting my help.”

“I’m not even hurt now. What are you talking about?” 

As Joo Seung-ha frowned in confusion, an incomprehensible mutter was added, “How could that kind of thing be love?”

The words were so quiet like a whisper that Joo Seung-ha wondered if he’d heard correctly. Joo Seung-ha was momentarily caught in Seo Ahn-jae’s gaze. It was because of a certain feeling. Some emotion he’d never seen before seemed to appear and vanish in Seo Ahn-jae’s eyes. Seo Ahn-jae looked away first. Then he moved his arm to roughly remove Joo Seung-ha’s hand.

“Sit. I didn’t come to help you.”

“Then what’s that food for?”

“I told you. I’m hungry.”

“Why did you come to my house when you’re hungry? Are you too scared to eat alone?”

Though Joo Seung-ha sneered with irritation, Seo Ahn-jae smirked while taking out the food.

“Ah, it was a bit scary.”

Seo Ahn-jae answered brazenly, spread the food on the floor, and opened the lids. It was kimchi stew with meat. Even amidst his bewilderment, Joo Seung-ha noticed Seo Ahn-jae had brought exactly the food he liked. Of course, he liked it too. Even if it wasn’t to his taste, the smell was amazing. Smelling it made him realize just how hungry he was. Besides being unable to physically remove Seo Ahn-jae, he was too tired today to waste any more emotion on something so trivial. Joo Seung-ha watched Seo Ahn-jae start eating, then had no choice but to sit opposite him.

“I didn’t know you were this shameless.”

“There’s a lot you don’t know about me.”

About to retort “No,” Joo Seung-ha swallowed these words along with the rice in his mouth. Though it was just plain rice, perhaps due to his hunger, it tasted sweet in his mouth. Neither spoke until they’d eaten about half of the dish. Joo Seung-ha focused all his attention on consuming the food, and only after his hunger subsided somewhat did he look up at his dining companion.

“If you pull this kind of stunt again, I won’t see you anymore no matter how much you threaten me.”

“Going to run away again?”

Joo Seung-ha’s hand paused momentarily, but he soon lifted his head casually.

“That’s not a bad idea either.”

Seo Ahn-jae’s eyes turned ice-cold. But Joo Seung-ha didn’t see it. Instead, feeling the gaze fixed on him, he slowly started eating the remaining rice in his bowl. A moment later, Joo Seung-ha brought up words he didn’t want to say.

“I’ll take a break from being your designated driver today.”

Though there was no response from the other man, Joo Seung-ha found himself adding what sounded like an excuse.

“It’s not because I don’t want to meet up with you again. I’m just trying to settle the accounts accurately.”

Seo Ahn-jae’s lips curved. But to Joo Seung-ha’s eyes, it looked twisted rather than smiling.

“You say you want your accounts to be exact?”

The mockery was clear, and Joo Seung-ha couldn’t understand what he’d said wrong.

“Yes, because I live without owing debts.”

Seo Ahn-jae’s smile vanished completely. Joo Seung-ha felt his mood turn frightening, but only for a moment. As if it had never happened, Seo Ahn-jae replied lightly while eating, “Exact accounts are good. Since you provided the place, I’ll only charge half for the meal.”

“…Just take the remaining half of the rice instead.”

He expected an unpleasant reply like “I don’t want leftover rice,” but Seo Ahn-jae moved his spoon to scoop up a big portion of Joo Seung-ha’s half-eaten rice and put it in his mouth. Though Joo Seung-ha stared at him in alarm, Seo Ahn-jae casually took Joo Seung-ha’s portion of kimchi stew too and chewed with his mouth full. Joo Seung-ha swallowed the words that rose to his throat. Why are you eating my leftovers so disgustingly…

“You just thought it was disgusting, didn’t you?”

Unable to agree with his smirking face, Joo Seung-ha looked away.

“You have a strong stomach.”

When he heard no response and looked back, he was met with dark, deep eyes. But as if it was another illusion, Seo Ahn-jae quickly lowered his gaze. His voice sounded casual, almost perfunctory.

“Not really.”

Joo Seung-ha watched him start eating again, then looked down at his own rice. He took quite a lot for one spoonful. Thinking about this, he ate the remaining rice. Though the rice had been touched by Seo Ahn-jae’s spoon, it wasn’t that repulsive. I guess I have a strong stomach too. Joo Seung-ha thought as he slowly chewed his rice. This was the extent of their conversation during the meal.

Seo Ahn-jae, who said he wasn’t there to  help him out, really just ate and went home. What remained was a ransacked house that needed cleaning again, but Joo Seung-ha didn’t worry about cleaning as he started moving again. Rather, Seo Ahn-jae from earlier bothered him more. His actions weren’t kind but were kind, his words and expressions were light but not light at all. Joo Seung-ha now began focusing on cleaning to try to forget about the other man.

***

Joo Seung-ha’s misfortune that began on Friday continued throughout the weekend. During weekend volunteering when they received a tip about Cookie and shelter staff immediately went to look, they somehow missed him. Though some people went up to greet Cookie warmly like when he was at the shelter, Cookie had become more wary during his time out on the streets and slipped away through the crowd.

Everyone knew that once you miss them, they become more wary and harder to catch, so the volunteers who went to catch him blamed themselves heavily. The more serious problem was Cookie’s former owner. As the issue grew bigger, he posted on social media as if bragging that he hadn’t abandoned Cookie and had even made separate flyers to find him. Declaring he would raise Cookie again if he somehow managed to find him again.

On Sunday, Jjang Nuna, known for being good-natured, finally got into a loud argument with the former owner. When Joo Seung-ha found out later on and took over the call instead, the former owner immediately hung up when the person he was talking to changed to a man. Like the messy house, the shelter too became a mess all weekend.

But Monday was even worse. Early in the morning, just as Joo Seung-ha was almost at work, he got a call. It was the CEO. Seeing his boss’s name on the screen before even starting work, Joo Seung-ha felt ominous and pulled over to the shoulder lane. When he answered with “Yes,” CEO Lee asked right away:

[Team Leader Joo, you barely used any vacation days in the first half of the year?]

There hadn’t been anything special to rest for, and being a team leader meant he had no time to rest while covering for other employees’ breaks.

“Yes, what’s the matter?”

[Take some rest. Take about a week off starting today.]

Why? The obvious question didn’t come out. Though other cars heading to work quickly passed by Joo Seung-ha’s car, time seemed frozen inside his car. When Joo Seung-ha said nothing, the CEO explained in a calm voice:

[Your mother came to the office. It would be better if Team Leader Joo didn’t come.]

“I’ll come and resolve it myself.”

[Since we tried your way last time, how about trying my way this time? I’ll meet your mother and tell her I fired you for causing trouble at the company.]

“…”

[Ah, of course I won’t really fire you, so don’t worry about it.]

Though the CEO added it like a joke, Joo Seung-ha couldn’t respond with a laugh. He should at least apologize with “I’m sorry,” but strangely his throat felt completely blocked, unable to utter a single word. The words he finally managed to force out were just, “If the lie is discovered, she might come again.”

[Then I’ll just say I fired you again. What else?]

“CEO, please just let me handle…”

[Seung-ha, let me help you out this time. Just owe me one favor.]

The CEO used the name she used to call him like a younger brother during his part-time days before he had a title. Even then the CEO felt very much like an adult, and still did now. Meanwhile, Joo Seung-ha still felt like the naive 23-year-old part-timer.

[Rest well for a week and try to find Cookie. That bastard former owner is making a fuss on SNS about raising him again, so take care of yourself before the fight. Why aren’t you answering? Are you planning to hand Cookie over to that bastard?]

No, Joo Seung-ha rested his head on his arm on the steering wheel and added, “CEO, please cut down on the swearing.”

[What are you talking about? When did I swear?]

The CEO responded elegantly but hung up while cursing the bastard’s shortened lifespan. 8:45. Joo Seung-ha looked at the clock and shifted gears but couldn’t turn the wheel right away. At this time, he had nowhere to go except work. Now his mother would probably come to his still-ransacked house. That was why he didn’t want to go. But Joo Seung-ha gripped the steering wheel firmly, turned on his blinker, and turned the car around. The car headed back home.

***

One of the reasons Hyo-joon liked Seo Ahn-jae was that he didn’t have the private life that everyone else had. Though it might sound strange to those who didn’t know him, Seo Ahn-jae truly had almost nothing that could be called a private life. Everyone shared emotions and time with family, lovers, or friends. Though Seo Ahn-jae, of course, had family and friends, he only shared time with them and not emotions.

So Hyo-joon thought Seo Ahn-jae didn’t date. Dating, which required allocating more emotions, was clearly inefficient for Seo Ahn-jae. After learning this tendency of Seo Ahn-jae’s, Hyo-joon thought, Seo Ahn-jae was the purest person I knew. Of course, others would burst out laughing at this, so he never said it out loud.

How ironic to call someone pure who satisfied sexual desires through escort services. Though he knew how ironic the word was, someone who never easily gave their affection to others at least matched themselves with purity through love. Perhaps because Seo Ahn-jae rarely got emotionally entangled like this, he had never postponed or broken work-related appointments.

Usually if a person were to be at that type of work position in life, time was money and schedules were packed so one might end up being late by ten or twenty minutes. Hyo-joon thought that if Seo Ahn-jae were ever late for an appointment, even that would be for emotional reasons. So he became quite curious about why Seo Ahn-jae suddenly missed yesterday’s investors’ meeting.

“Hey, you’re working until this hour?”

Hyo-joon clicked his tongue seeing Seo Ahn-jae working past 8 p.m.

“I heard you just holed up in the office working even on the weekend?”

Hyo-joon looked askance at Seo Ahn-jae while repeating information he’d heard from the secretary.

“So why didn’t you come to the meeting?”

Instead of answering, only the sound of Seo Ahn-jae’s typing filled the air. But Hyo-joon hadn’t expected a warm welcome, so he looked around Seo Ahn-jae’s office and complained, “How do you not even have chairs for guests in your room?”

Though the office had a large table with many chairs and a sofa at the end of the wall, none of the furniture met Hyo-joon’s standards. Shouldn’t a CEO’s office at least have a nice leather sofa in the center? As he was about to sit on the lone long sofa, Seo Ahn-jae’s cold words stopped him.

“Don’t sit.”

What? Hyo-joon paused in mid-air and looked up. Seo Ahn-jae nodded his head toward the hard chair in front of the desk.

“Sit there.”

“Hey, you won’t even let guests sit on the only sofa you have? Is this sofa reserved for someone?”

Seo Ahn-jae’s eyes briefly turned to the sofa.

“Not reserved for you, hyung. Stand if you don’t like it.”

At his indifferent tone, Hyo-joon had no other choice but to pull up the chair in front of the table and sit. Even with Hyo-joon’s arrival, Seo Ahn-jae was so focused on clicking his mouse and typing that he didn’t even ask why he came to see him. Hyo-joon had no choice but to bring up the reason for his sudden visit first.

“Who is Joo Seung-ha?”

Hyo-joon noticed that though Seo Ahn-jae’s gaze remained on the monitor, his typing hands had stopped. A moment later, Seo Ahn-jae shot him a sharp look.

“Why are you asking?”

Why am I asking? Not first asking how I know? Hyo-joon barely held back his laughter. Actually, this was a name he was going to bring up after testing him, but seeing Seo Ahn-jae’s reaction, there was no need. The effect was considerable.

“Just, I heard that name yesterday.”

Seo Ahn-jae took his hands off the keyboard and turned his body toward Hyo-joon. Hyo-joon grinned while keenly observing his reaction.

“Want to know who I heard it from?”

“Yes. Who?”

The too-easy response actually deflated him. The Seo Ahn-jae he knew would be more guarded and sensitive about stories that would make him look unfavorable in front of others. Hyo-joon decided to provoke him even more.

“Are you really curious?”

“I’m curious. Whose mouth did that name come from?”

“…”

“Hyung, I’ve said I’m curious several times.”

Right, he’s said it like he really means it several times. The smile disappeared from Hyo-joon’s face and his eyebrows furrowed slightly instead.

“Who is Joo Seung-ha?”

“A junior from university.”

“Is that all?”

“Who did you hear that name from?”

Seo Ahn-jae asked repeatedly without tiring. Seeing his emotionless eyes made Hyo-joon feel like he was looking at a stranger, so he couldn’t delay his answer any longer.