NFS 3.12

The drunk Assistant Manager Shim muttered with her head bowed so low it nearly touched the table. Her voice was so quiet it could barely be heard without straining to listen.

“We met in an online community…but I didn’t have the courage to reveal myself. But Seon boldly declared she liked women and made her social media public. I practically stalked her SNS, then later lurked around the school entrance and the hamburger place she frequented, and ah, right. I even deliberately enrolled in a tutoring academy that many students from that school attended.”

She shook her shoulders with laughter and looked up at Joo Seung-ha.

“That’s how I saw you too. You were always together. The funny thing is, back then, I was so grateful it wasn’t a woman beside Seon—I thought ‘Thank goodness, really thank goodness,’ I can’t tell you how thankful I was to you.”

Joo Seung-ha didn’t respond and poured some soju from her bottle into his empty glass before taking a sip. Assistant Manager Shim lowered her eyes again and muttered.

“For the whole sophomore year of high school, I went between hell and heaven daily. Love was so hard, but also so wonderful. When my parents noticed, haha, they sent me abroad. In third year too, the most crucial time for a high schooler. Pretty funny, right?”

Joo Seung-ha took another sip of the bitter soju and asked calmly.

“Did you drive here?”

She shook her head no.

“Someone’s coming to pick me up. My nineteenth year was the hardest in my life, but actually, it wasn’t because I was sent to a strange place. What made me want to die at nineteen was that Seon deleted all her social media…I couldn’t see her anymore…”

Her shoulders began to shake as she muttered. Though she made almost no sound, Joo Seung-ha knew she was crying. This sudden confession from someone he’d just met today should have been disconcerting, but surprisingly, he took it all in stride.

Social media at 19. Joo Seung-ha remembered that Seon had deleted all her social media at that time due to a failed unrequited love and started drinking alcohol again. The clear alcohol was bitter at first but went down like water by the third sip. It seemed absurd that he was drinking while someone was crying silently before him, but he didn’t know what else to do.

Comforting someone had never been this difficult. The fact that the other person was someone from a business he had met for the first time today, Seon who had suddenly jumped into reality, and the one truth that Seung-ha couldn’t tell were all difficult. With her bob cut, tall stature, and eyes without double eyelids, Assistant Manager Shim was exactly Seon’s type. This seemed like something he could never tell her.

Joo Seung-ha silently refilled his soju glass again. He hadn’t known that his friend’s unfulfilled love would hurt more than his own failed love from seven years ago. Still, no tears came after a while. In fact, he had never cried over Seon’s death.

Though it was his life’s greatest wound, he hadn’t shed a single tear. Perhaps it was his instinct’s suppression, knowing that if he did, the pillar supporting him would collapse. So he honestly envied the person crying sorrowfully before him. Just as Joo Seung-ha finished the remaining half bottle of soju, and the sniffling sounds before him had disappeared, his smartphone’s message notification rang.

Seo Ahn-jae: [Where are you?]

Perhaps because Seo Ahn-jae had been sending longer messages lately, the single word sounded angry. Would this person also someday cry or drink over an unfulfilled love as time passed?

Somehow, that seemed unfitting for Seo Ahn-jae. Though his current daily messages were already unlike him. Today in particular, the messages seemed especially frequent.

Is he pressing about the debt again? After not meeting for 5 days? But he didn’t feel like meeting him again. Just as he felt numb from a stranger’s sudden confession about their first love today, Seo Ahn-jae’s constant displays of love also touched something inside him. Joo Seung-ha had to admit it. It was no longer easy to dismiss his love as just an insignificant byproduct of their transaction.

[Where are you?]

Tap tap. Joo Seung-ha sent the question with mechanical sounds. Ding, the answer came almost immediately.

Seo Ahn-jae: [Next to you]

What? Joo Seung-ha looked up in surprise and glanced around. Did he come here? Then his eyes met with those of a man who had just entered through the door. The man hesitated upon making eye contact with Joo Seung-ha as he entered. But soon he looked around the interior like Joo Seung-ha had. Then, after spotting Assistant Manager Shim in front of Joo Seung-ha, he approached directly. Meanwhile, Joo Seung-ha noticed the follow-up message from Seo Ahn-jae.

Seo Ahn-jae: [I’m heading there, so tell me where.]

What the hell? You scared me. Fine. He was about to reply when he noticed the man standing beside the table and looked up. The man was looking at Assistant Manager Shim, who had fallen asleep face-down on the table, with furrowed brows. Then he turned to look at Joo Seung-ha who was watching him.

“What happened?”

“I’m not sure. I haven’t been here long myself.”

For a moment, his eyes widened slightly as if surprised. Was there something surprising about what I said? Joo Seung-ha wondered as he gestured toward Assistant Manager Shim with his eyes.

“Are you the person who was supposed to pick her up?”

“Yes. I’m her boyfriend.”

At those words, Joo Seung-ha’s eyebrows curved. Come to think of it, he belatedly remembered the short MD saying that Assistant Manager Shim was in an office romance. Surprise spread across Joo Seung-ha’s eyes. He found himself looking back and forth between them. So she was bisexual?

“Did Dohye tell you something?”

What a kind voice, Joo Seung-ha thought while trying to figure out how to respond. But what could he say? Your girlfriend seems to be gay, and my friend who died 7 years ago was her first love, and she just cried herself to sleep after hearing about it today. This explanation couldn’t come out since he was the boyfriend.

“Not really. Like I said, I just got here a little while ago.”

The boyfriend didn’t ask further and looked at Assistant Manager Shim with a “hmm.” His slightly long tied-back hair gave him a free-spirited artistic vibe, and the style suited his handsome face with its angular jaw.

“How do you know Dohye?”

Joo Seung-ha remembered that Dohye was Assistant Manager Shim’s name. Even her pretty name was Seon’s type. His heart felt empty again.

“Just a business contact I met briefly today.”

Suddenly, an “Ah” of realization escaped the boyfriend’s lips. The tone suggested he’d figured something out, which left Joo Seung-ha puzzled. The boyfriend smiled kindly and explained briefly.

“She told me. That she met someone who knew about her first love.”

“Y-Yes…”

“Of course, I also know that the first love was a woman.”

So she is bisexual after all…

“My first love was a man too.”

The boyfriend added playfully with a wink. But Joo Seung-ha’s expression only grew more rigid.

What? Are they both bisexual?

“By the way, have you ever worked in broadcasting?”

He pulled up a chair with a scraping sound and sat beside Assistant Manager Shim. Joo Seung-ha was about to stand up, not wanting to continue the conversation, but missed his timing watching the boyfriend gently pat Shim’s shoulder. That small gesture reminded him of the comfort he used to give Seon whenever she cried on his shoulder over failed love, and later what Seon gave him. Noticing Joo Seung-ha’s fixed gaze on his hand, the other man looked down at it.

“I’m not patting too hard. She’ll be fine.”

That wasn’t what I was worried about, he started to reply but realized it was a joke when he saw the smiling eyes. He really puts people at ease. Joo Seung-ha thought as he turned to him.

“No, I’ve never done broadcasting work.”

“I was just wondering if you did, since you have a good voice and look. I guess it’s because my job involves looking at people through cameras.”

He apologetically explained and searched his pockets to hand over a business card.

‘N Company Broadcasting Content Production Team Leader Hong Chanwoo’

He looked to be around my age but he was already a team leader. Joo Seung-ha was impressed before remembering he was also a team leader. But the other side is a major corporation, so it must be more impressive. That must be why the short MD praised him as an impressive person.

“Thank you for the compliment.”

Joo Seung-ha responded politely and checked his watch. After making a gesture that clearly indicated he was about to leave, he was about to say goodbye when Hong Chanwoo spoke first.

“You must hear such compliments often, yet you’re so modest.”

“No, not really.”

“Then I’d like to give you many compliments myself.”

Joo Seung-ha had to stop mid-rise and give him a puzzled look. What’s this? It feels like he’s hitting on me. Hong Chanwoo quickly waved both hands and apologized.

“Please don’t take it the wrong way. No, is that something to take the wrong way? I’m sorry. I’m not usually this scatter-minded when I talk. Ha, I’m really being weird.”

He turned his head and ran his hand through his hair. But because he turned away, his reddened ears were clearly visible. Is he attracted to men because he’s bisexual? But he has a girlfriend now, so I shouldn’t pay attention. Joo Seung-ha was starting to feel uncomfortable but then suddenly remembered his girlfriend had been crying and drinking over her dead first love. This couple is strange. Coming to this conclusion, he got up to his feet.

“Take care going home.”

“Ah, sorry, but…”

Hong Chanwoo stood up hurriedly and asked awkwardly.

“Since I brought up Dohye’s condition, could you help me carry her to the car?”

How much would a used pickup truck like this cost? While Hong Chanwoo was laying Shim Dohye down in the back seat, Joo Seung-ha’s mind raced as he looked at his car. But no matter how he tried to stretch the money, regardless of how things went with Seo Ahn-jae he had no money for a car after deciding to repay the 700 million in cash. Unless there was a dealer offering 40-year financing.

Hong Chanwoo was taking time carefully fastening the seatbelt, apparently worried Shim Dohye might fall during the drive. Joo Seung-ha waited, thinking he should at least say goodbye to an important business contact, when his phone rang in his pocket.

The name “Seo Ahn-jae” appeared on the screen. Ah, come to think of it, he hadn’t replied to the earlier message. He considered not answering, but watching Hong Chanwoo struggle, he stepped away a few paces and pressed the call button. He’d have to answer eventually anyway.

“Yes.”

He answered but heard nothing. Just as he thought the call had dropped, a question came.

―Where are you?

“In Seoul.”

He expected laughter but silence followed instead. Since Seo Ahn-jae had been laughing at everything Joo Seung-ha said lately, these few seconds of silence fell over him like frost.

―That’s close.

“…Is it?”

―Yes. Very.

Joo Seung-ha almost looked around unconsciously but stopped himself. Instead, he deliberately replied casually.

“Seoul is small, after all.”

―So where exactly?

The repeated question sounded persistent, determined to get an answer. Well, he always gets his way and finds out everything anyway. Usually, Joo Seung-ha would have simply stated his location to avoid a fight, but today the few shots of soju had built up his defiance.

“Somewhere you’re not.”

This time there was a short laugh. Not from amusement, but his characteristic arrogant laugh that looked down on others. So Joo Seung-ha impulsively added, “And I enjoyed it.”

―Well, when you’re with me, all you do is beg me to stop thrusting so hard your throat gets hoarse. Ah, but that means you enjoy it too, right?

Ah, this bastard. Joo Seung-ha mentally cursed at Seo Ahn-jae’s sarcasm, but also let out a hollow laugh. His bullshit has become so familiar it doesn’t even make me angry anymore.

“Is that so? It’s such a common occurrence I can’t remember.”

―Joo Seung-ha.

The voice calling him sounded languid. But unlike his voice, his eyes would be gleaming like he wanted to devour his prey. Joo Seung-ha lowered his gaze to the ground and asked back.

“You know my name without calling it.”

Then he noticed footsteps approaching and snapped to attention. As he was about to hang up, Hong Chanwoo came up to him and pointed to the convenience store behind them.

“I need to buy something. Could you watch the car for a moment?”

Joo Seung-ha noticed he was deliberately trying to be considerate and give him space, and tried to stop him. But before he could, Hong Chanwoo had already turned around and left.

“Sunbae, if you don’t have anything to say, I’m hanging up.”

―Who’s that bastard right now?

Joo Seung-ha furrowed his brow at the harsh tone.

“He’s a client. So don’t call him a bastard.”

Laughter came again. Joo Seung-ha couldn’t understand why his laughter sounded particularly eerie in today’s call.

―Whether he’s a bastard or not remains to be seen.

“…”

―Are you done? Let’s meet now.

Joo Seung-ha hesitated for a moment because of the earlier feeling. A timid thought arose that he should try to improve his mood, but then he wondered why he should care about his mood.

“I don’t know. I’m tired.”

―Don’t think that making excuses will work forever.

“Are you unhappy?”

―No, I have no complaints as long as you keep your condition well.

My condition? Perhaps due to the alcohol, Joo Seung-ha momentarily couldn’t remember what his condition was. In that pause, a warning came in a gentle voice.

―You only have one condition, so make sure to keep it.

As he remembered his condition, a small chill spread through him.

‘Don’t meet other men.’

Though this condition still had no possibility of being fulfilled, Joo Seung-ha unconsciously looked toward the convenience store where Hong Chanwoo had disappeared. He remembered how Hong Chanwoo’s ears had reddened earlier at the bar. The chill came from feeling like Seo Ahn-jae knew about that. Joo Seung-ha shook his head, trying to erase the feeling, thinking he was being oversensitive.

“If you don’t like that I only have one condition, you can add more now.”

―[I don’t need any. Do you?]

There were many. So many that he couldn’t count them. Don’t send messages, don’t laugh at trivial things, don’t make eye contact at hotels, or engage in unnecessary chatter. And don’t spend the night beside me while I’m sleeping. As if sensing the endless conditions rising in Joo Seung-ha’s heart, a light laugh flowed through the smartphone.